Monthly Archives: April 2010

Razing Arizona

John McCain receives a history lesson.

Here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off, we do not feel the need to expound any more on the ill-conceived new Arizona state immigration law which encourages racial profiling and reduces all legal residents and citizens with “brown” skin to second class status as the result of having to carry their “papers” at all times. The comparisons to another governmental entity that did the same thing are obvious.

Consequently, we will simply comment by means of lyric. Please enjoy.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Arizona song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhdiSqt6sXE

ARIZONA

(sung to the Mark Lindsay song “Arizona”)

I sure do long for San Francisco
This Arizona day
They just pulled over ol’ Pedro and Cisco
Racism has its way
Police don’t believe in brotherhood or neighborhood
If your skin is brown, you’re prey
And Jan Brewer we all laugh at her
As she initiates the neo-Nazi ways

Arizona – take off your racist shades
Arizona – have another look at the world
My, my
Arizona – don’t follow John McCain
Arizona – hey, put down that Kool-Aid

Mmmm try as you might, you’ll never solve your problems by deporting a child
Coat them in red paint as you place them in shackled restraints
Arizona – you’ve made the evening news
Arizona – You’ll have pure white highways

Lock them both up, Pedro and Cisco
Make them sit there and wait
As the wheels of justice turn so slow
Just stare at them with hate
And you can tell them that brotherhood and neighborhood
Is the Arizonan way
But you and they know it’s an untrue fable
To justify locking them away

Arizona – now you resemble Hades
Arizona – you’ll soon be cut off from the world
My, my
Arizona – don’t follow John McCain
Arizona – wake up and use your brain

Hey, Arizona – discard your racist views
Arizona – you’ll soon be cut off from the world
My, my
Arizona – next will it be the Jews?
Arizona – wake up and use your brain

Come on, hey, Arizona – cast off your racist ways.

Advertisements

Thursday Night Music Byte

Tonight’s music byte features a-ha who officially broke up today.

a-ha (normally spelled entirely in lower-case) are a rock/pop music band from Norway. The band was founded in 1982 by Paul Waaktaar-Savoy (guitars), Magne Furuholmen (keyboards), and Morten Harket (vocals). The group initially rose to fame during the mid 1980s and has had continued global success in the 1990s and 2000s. According to their official website, they have sold over 35 million albums worldwide plus a double million figure in singles, making them the best-selling Norwegian music act in history.

a-ha achieved its biggest success with their debut album, Hunting High and Low, in 1985, which peaked at no.1 in their native Norway, no.2 in the UK and no.15 on the U.S. Billboard album chart and yielded two international number-one singles, “Take on Me” and “The Sun Always Shines on T.V.”, earning the band a Grammy Award nomination as Best New Artist. In the UK, Hunting High and Low was one of the best-selling albums of 1986. In 1994, after their fifth studio album, the band went on a hiatus. After a performance at the Nobel Peace Prize Concert in 1998, the band returned to the studio and recorded their sixth studio album, 2000’s Minor Earth Major Sky, which was another no.1 in Norway and resulted in a new tour. In 2002 the band released their seventh studio album, Lifelines. Their eighth album, Analogue, was released in 2005 and was certified Silver in the UK – their most successful album there since 1990’s East of the Sun, West of the Moon. Their ninth album, Foot of the Mountain, was released on 19 June 2009 (release date different in some countries), which returned the band to the UK Top 5 for the first time since 1988 and has also been certified Silver there as well as Platinum in Germany.  The album peaked at no.2 in Norway (their first not to reach no.1 in their home territory). On 15 October 2009, the band announced their split after a planned worldwide tour in 2010, (more specifically after their two farewell shows in Oslo) 3 and 4 December 2010. On 19 October the tour’s name was announced as Ending On A High Note.

Please enjoy this video clip of a-ha performing their 1985 hit “Take On Me” both live in Rio and by means of their then innovative music video.

Levi Plans To Bare His Johnston In Tell-All Tome Of Palin

Levi Johnston

We have been wondering for months when an update on Levi Johnston’s tell-all tome would emerge. Well, thanks to New York Magazine and its eight page article on all things Palin last weekend, we have been rewarded with some news not only about the book, but also about Johnston’s new lifestyle. It appears that much like that of his once and future mother-in-law, Johnston’s finances and celebrity have been greatly enhanced by the nation’s thirst for information about Sarah Palin.

Levi Johnston is well aware that, but for impregnating the former Republican vice presidential nominee’s unmarried teen-aged daughter, he would simply be one of many unknown and probably penniless teen fathers. As a consequence of Palin’s celebrity however, he may soon have his own reality television series to compete with that of the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska’s. He has also been able to capitalize on some of the finer things in life such as an agent, a bodyguard and jet setting trips to Los Angeles for magazine nude photo layouts (ala Scott Brown).

The New York Magazine article quotes Levi Johnston’s description of his proposed reality show as follows:

“It’s everything I do, man. Kinda like the Kardashian show,” Johnston says, describing his proposed show. “It’s everything. Like one day I’ll be hunting, next day I’ll be, ‘Hey, I gotta fly to California tonight,’ so I’ll hop on a flight. Go to a party, maybe meet a chick, bring her back to Alaska and take her fishing and see if she can hang. If not, kick her out. Then go hang out with my son, or go to the track and race my dirt bike. Next week, up in the mountains sheep hunting. Or jumping out of airplanes. I don’t know. It’s not looking at glaciers and going to Bristol Bay.”

As for his proposed book, Johnston says,

he’s working on a memoir that would air the true story of the Palin household. “They’re never around each other,” Johnston says of Sarah and Todd. “It’s like they hate each other but they don’t want anyone to know it. I think they were gonna get a divorce, but then they were like, ‘Let’s not prove them right.’ I’ve never seen them sleep in the same room, he’s always on this little recliner. For years, they never really talked.”

He also told the magazine that he’s not surprised Palin is cashing in. “When she lost, I knew exactly what she was gonna do,” he says. “The whole time she was getting big-money offers for book and TV shows. I was like, All right, she’s gonna pick that up. It was just a matter of time before she quit. I know everything there is to know about her,” Johnston adds. “She’s so fake. But she’s so good at it, too. She’s amazing at it. If I didn’t know it, I wouldn’t know the difference.”

Way to go Levi. Don’t spill all the beans just yet. We can wait for all the lurid details in your book. Do us a favor though? Don’t make us wait too long. OK?

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF SARAH AND LEVI

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Can you pray away gay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Manhattan Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said, “I think Sarah just wants a quick peek”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy,
She won’t speak without a fee
The next show she’s doing
Will be with Sean Hannity

Keeping every penny of per-diem pay,
Lying about clothes to charity,
Daughter that’s unwed,
Is someone inbred?
Her chance to win election, pretty low – Think!

Relatives all getting arrested.
Family dignity in free-fall.
McCain’s folks still claim,
“Palin was to blame”
But Sarah says that they dropped the ball

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Wednesday Music Byte

Supertramp were a British progressive rock band that released a series of top-selling albums in the 1970s and early 1980s.Their early music included ambitious concept albums, from which were drawn a number of hits including “Goodbye Stranger”, “Bloody Well Right”, “The Logical Song”, “Breakfast in America”, “Dreamer”, “Give a Little Bit”, “It’s Raining Again”, and “Take the Long Way Home”. Supertramp attained superstardom in the United States, Canada, most of Europe, Australia and Brazil, although they were not quite as popular in their home country, the UK. Nonetheless, the album Breakfast in America was a big hit there, reaching number three on the UK charts and featuring two top 10 singles.

Crime of the Century, released in September 1974, began the group’s run of critical and commercial successes, hitting number four in Britain, supported by the iconic countercultural opening track “School”, and the top-10 single “Dreamer”. Its B-side “Bloody Well Right” hit the US Top 40 in May 1975, peaking at #35. Siebenberg would later comment that he thought the band hit its artistic peak on this, their third album, though their greatest commercial success would come later.

The band continued with Crisis? What Crisis? released in November 1975. It achieved good though not overwhelming commercial success. The following album, Even in the Quietest Moments, released in April 1977 spawned their hit single “Give a Little Bit” (#15 U.S.), and the FM radio staple Fool’s Overture. During this period, the band eventually relocated to the United States and moved steadily from the progressive styles of their early albums towards a more song-oriented pop sound.

This trend reached its zenith on their most popular album, Breakfast in America in March 1979, which reached Number 3 in the UK and Number 1 in the United States and spawned four successful singles, “The Logical Song” (#6 U.S.), “Take the Long Way Home” (#10 U.S.), “Goodbye Stranger” (#15 U.S.), and “Breakfast in America”. The album has since sold over 18 million copies worldwide.

The run of successes was capped with 1980s Paris, a 2-LP live album, in which the band stated its goal of improving on the studio versions of their songs. Instead of focusing on songs from the hugely successful Breakfast in America, it included nearly every song from Crime of the Century, another testament to the importance of that album in the group’s development. Initially, it was supposed to be a show recorded in Quebec City, Canada, but A&M vetoed the idea for a “more mainstream city”. Also in 1980, the song “Dreamer” was finally released as a single in the U.S., where it reached #15.

Please enjoy this video clip of Supertramp performing “Dreamer” live.

Sarah Palin: Likely To Quit Again

The former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin may be quitting again. Palin quit her job as Governor after only half a term and she has been a no-show at many speaking engagements both before and after, including the CPAC Conference in DC.  She also recently quit the Republican National Committee after it sponsored a soiree at a lesbian/bondage strip club. Now, New York Magazine reports that the Queen of Quit may be abandoning her quest for the Presidency.

The reason? Simple. Sarah Palin cares most about money. The article suggests that she quit the governorship because “she was going broke”. She needed money and worried about it constantly. “You have to keep in mind,” Bill McAllister, her then–press secretary, told the magazine, “she and Todd were middle class. They’re rich now, but not then.” Indeed, even a John McCain adviser said, “Deep down, she wanted to make money.”

In fact, the magazine says that the single greatest influence on her quitting the governorship was that Alaska’s ethics rules might have prohibited her from profiting from a book tour or a political action committee or legal defense fund.

In March, she petitioned the Alaska attorney general’s office, which responded with a lengthy list of conditions. “There was no way she could go on a book tour while being governor” is how one member of her Alaska staff put it.

Hence, she quickly quit the governorship and quit on the people of Alaska that elected her.

Sarah Palin elected to pursue money and fame at the expense of her supporters and her stated ideals. She claims to represent the “everyman”, the “Sixpack Joes” and the “hockey moms”. Simultaneously however, she charges those very supporters exorbitant fees to see her or have a photo taken with her. Unlike the working class, she travels in Lear Jets at a cost of some $ 1,500.00 per hour and is building a new 6000 square foot manse. It is estimated that she has made some 12 million dollars since quitting last July. Indeed, Sarah Palin better resembles Richie Rich than Joe The Plumber.

The magazine article states that in 1996, a few weeks into her run for Wasilla mayor, Palin revealed to Laura Chase, her campaign manager at the time, the scope of her ambition. “We were sitting at my table one night and I said, ‘Sarah, one day you could be governor.’ She just looked at me and said, ‘I don’t want to be governor, I want to be president.’ ” Strangely, it is Sarah Palin’s quest for fame and fortune that will most likely dissuade her from seeking the presidency. Palin plans on selling another book and she continues to charge $ 100,000.00 per speaking engagement. At some point, the Tea-Baggers that idolize her will realize by witnessing her lavish lifestyle, that she is not one of them. They will recognize her as being a member of the celebrity class that they so despise. Consequently, their support for her will wane. Additionally, she has already alienated the more mainstream members of the Republican Party. New York Magazine writes,

While careful not to say anything that might make her rear her head, some in the GOP Establishment whisper that they hope Palin stays in Wasilla. She may be useful in raising funds and drawing crowds, but Palin’s unseriousness and carnival antics damage the brand. “There’s a big piece of the Republican Party that doesn’t want her to run,” said one national Republican strategist.

So, as Sarah Palin begins to amass tremendous wealth, she is losing support from her base. Palin however, loves the money and fame too much to abandon it for such a pedestrian and low paying position as the President of the United States. Sarah Palin is too selfish to ever accept the paycut. She will not run for President in 2012. In short, it’s all over now.

EXTRA

As mentioned yesterday, we had the opportunity to attend the Salem State College (Salem, MA) Speaker Series last evening featuring Ted Kennedy, Jr. as well as a private reception thereafter. Mr. Kennedy did not disappoint. As we all witnessed at his father’s funeral, young Kennedy has inherited his family’s style of oration. He spoke mostly about his work as an attorney for the disabled but he also dabbled on the subjects of health care reform and on things he learned about his family upon reading his father’s memoir, True Compass.

One such revelation from the book was his grandmother, Rose Kennedy’s involvement in the Cuban Missile Crisis. Kennedy explained that she had a fondness for obtaining books authored and personally autographed by world leaders which she would dole out at as Christmas presents each year. At the height of the missile crisis in which nuclear war threatened to wipe out civilization as we know it, the KGB intercepted a handwritten letter from a Mrs. Rose Kennedy of Hyannisport, MA in which she requested a few autographed copies of Premier Nikita Khrushchev’s most recent book. The KGB apparently could not figure out what plan the CIA was up to or what they wanted and so they inquired. When Jack Kennedy got the news, he asked his mother what she was up to. Rose simply explained that Jack should know that she gifts out autographed books from world leaders each Christmas, and this year it was Khrushchev’s turn!

Inasmuch as his speech was being delivered in Salem, MA, Kennedy felt that he should mention that on his mother’s side, he was a descendant of one Mary Eastey who in 1692 was hanged in the city (along with many others) for the crime of being a witch. He thanked the present residents for being much more kind to him.

Most importantly however, when asked about newly elected nudist Republican US Senator Scott Brown, Kennedy kindly stated that he wished him luck but that he will be judged by constituents according to how he votes. He hinted that thus far the votes were not in conformity with the views of most Massachusetts citizens but inasmuch as Brown is up for re-election in 2012, there is time for somebody to announce their candidacy in the not too distant future. When a few members of the audience shouted out, “What about you, Ted”, he politely smiled and moved on to the next subject. Kennedy clearly left the door open for a run for his father’s old seat without providing any negative comment about Brown which could prematurely be used as ammunition against him. He showed the skill of a true politician. We certainly hope he runs for that seat.

Kennedy Jr. concluded by taking a number of unscreened questions from members of the audience. He handled them deftly without resort to palm written crib notes.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpU5vBYnfU&feature=related

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Tuesday Night Music Byte

In light of the recession that continues to plague us. We thought it might be fun to offer two songs in our music byte which reflect times of economic stress.

Please enjoy The Kinks performing “Low Budget” and “A Gallon Of Gas” in a 1979 (another recession, mind you) concert in Providence, Rhode Island.

Lindsey Graham Can’t Walk And Chew Gum Simultaneously

Lindsey Graham entertains John McCain and Joe Lieberman at RNC Convention.

As we said on Sunday’s post, this week’s episode of Republicans Who Can’t Walk And Chew Gum At The Same Time features South Carolina Senator, Lindsey Graham. On Saturday he said  he’s abandoning talks on climate change legislation because he believes Democratic efforts to bring up a separate immigration reform package is undermining the legislative process. In a letter that he released to the press, Graham said,

Moving forward on immigration – in this hurried, panicked manner – is nothing more than a cynical political ploy.

In response, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said the Democratic Party remains committed to both issues and,

I appreciate the work of Senator Graham on both of these issues and understand the tremendous pressure he is under from members of his own party not to work with us on either measure, but I will not allow him to play one issue off of another, and neither will the American people. They expect us to do both, and they will not accept the notion that trying to act on one is an excuse for not acting on the other.

Lindsey Graham’s attempts to convince the public that only one type of legislation can be debated and enacted at any one time is merely a variation of the G.O.P.’s mantra. You know, the one they use after months of legislative debate when suddenly they declare that entire bills must be scrapped and we must start from scratch. The Republican Party truly is the Gang That Can’t Walk And Chew Gum At The Same Time.

EXTRA

In an attempt to raise our spirits after the Scott Brown election in January, we will be attending the Salem State College (Salem, MA) Speaker Series this evening featuring Ted Kennedy, Jr. Let’s hope that the enthusiastic reception will prompt him to consider running for his father’s US Senate seat in 2012.

EXTRA, EXTRA

Congratulations to the Boston Bruins for their playoff series victory over the Buffalo Sabres last night. The Bruins must now wait to see who their next opponent will be.



Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Windy song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ul7sYUGvbg

LINDSEY

(sung to the Association song “Windy”)

Who’s speaking out to beyond the Beltway
Broadcasting his voice out on the air
Who’s talking down financial reform now
Everyone knows it’s Lindsey

Who’s skipping down the streets of ol’ DC
Claiming to be bipartisan; please
Who won’t shut up for even one moment
Everyone knows it’s Lindsey

And Lyndsey loves telling lies
Of which he always denies
He is such a spineless guy
He is a clown (he is a clown)
He is a clown (he is a clown)

{Flute}

And Lindsey sits idly by
As Boehner shouts a war cry
Giving Dems the evil eye
And lots of frowns {and lots of frowns}
And lots of frowns {and lots of frowns}

Who always pastes his face on the TV
Talking head shows on every Sunday
Who’s speaking out every single moment
Everyone knows it’s Lindsey

Who’s face looks a lot like Peter Lorre’s
And suffers from a mental disease
Who won’t shut up for even one moment
Everyone knows it’s Lindsey

Who’s sitting on the Budget Committee
As the highest ranking G.O.P.
Who won’t shut up for even one moment
Everyone knows it’s Lindsey

Who’s skipping down the streets of ol’ DC
Claiming to be bipartisan; please
Who won’t shut up for even one moment
Everyone knows it’s Lindsey
{Repeat to fade}

Beck Beckons Baccalaureates

Beck demonstrates his command of spelling with the word "oligarchy". OOPS!

The old adage that truth is sometimes stranger than fiction has been proven yet again. It was announced on Friday that the commencement speaker at Jerry Falwell Jr.’s Liberty University will be none other than Fox News lunatic Glenn Beck. You read that correctly. Beck is certainly up to the task considering his educational background. His college career lasted all of one course. Not one year or one semester mind you, ONE COURSE. Despite his apparent lack of education however, Glenn Beck has demonstrated over the last six months that he is a master of the chalkboard. Unfortunately, in this day and age, being the master of the chalkboard is somewhat akin to being a master of the typewriter or slide rule.

What will he say to the erstwhile future Tea-Baggers that will graduate from the reich-wing incubator known as Liberty University? For those of you not in the know, Liberty University is a private Baptist, Evangelical Christian cesspool located in Virgina, the state that recently elected to glorify its role of supporting slavery as a member of the Confederacy. The school (if you can call it that) was founded by Jerry Falwell, the racist, homophobic Teletubbie hating televangelist.

The students at Liberty University are only slightly smarter than Glenn Beck. The acceptance rate for students entering in 2009 was 96.2%; the 25th-75th SAT percentile ranges for 2008 freshmen were 430-540 for critical reading and 420-530 for math, according to U.S. News & World Report. Liberty has been ranked in the Top-10 most conservative colleges in the U.S. by Young America’s Foundation, but U.S. News & World Report currently ranks Liberty University as a Fourth Tier institution.

Perhaps Beck will dazzle his misinformed audience of future Tea-Partiers with the riveting story of his drug and alcohol abuse. Maybe he will describe how he acquired a true affection and understanding of the sanctity of “traditional marriage” as the result of all the hours of practice he put into his own multiple marriages. Oh, to be a fly on the wall at this event!!! Perhaps it will go something like this…

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Last Train To Clarksville song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScXXaBu1Ing

LAST TRAIN TO NUTSVILLE

(sung to the Monkees song “Last Train To Clarksville”)

Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
You can be there by four-thirty
Cuz Fox made your reservation
The Beck Show, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Glenn lost his mind without warning
And it won’t be back again
Glenn Beck’s facing stormy weather
And it’s causing quite a strain
So, he must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no
He might have a lobotomy on his dome.
Take the last train to Nutsville
Glenn Beck is their famous patient
If he’s not crying he’ll blow some kisses
But don’t attempt conversation
Oh… oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Take the last train to Nutsville
That’s where Glenn Beck now calls home
We can’t hear him making noisy
Conversation all alone
He’s feelin’ low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don’t think that Glenn’s ever coming home.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Take the last train to Nutsville
(repeat and fade)

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 34

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week. Sorry about the late start today folks as well as yesterday’s lack of a post. I’ll try to be more regular (so to speak).

BREAKING NEWS:  Rumor has it that when Sarah Palin took to the witness stand in Tennessee and was asked by the court clerk if “everything you say will be the truth; the whole truth and nothing but the truth; so help you God?”, the former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska replied, “Ya Betcha!”.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of I Saw It On The Internet, So It Must Be True features Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele. Last week, a group of gay and lesbian members of the military chained themselves to the fence surrounding the White House as a means to protest the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. However, when Steele walked by and noticed the shackled lesbians, he felt obligated to pay a cover charge and tip the girls.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of Legislate To Hate features Republican Arizona Governor Jan Brewer who signed a controversial racial profiling bill into law last week. The law requires that police stop and question drivers about their immigration status if they have a “reasonable belief” that their status is in question. In short, the newly created crime will be known as DWB (i.e. driving while brown).

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of Republicans Who Can’t Walk And Chew Gum At The Same Time features South Carolina Senator, Lindsey Graham. On Saturday he said Saturday he’s abandoning talks on climate change legislation because he believes Democratic efforts to bring up a separate immigration reform package is undermining the legislative process. In a letter that he released to the press, Graham said,

Moving forward on immigration – in this hurried, panicked manner – is nothing more than a cynical political ploy.

In response, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said the Democratic Party remains committed to both issues and,

I appreciate the work of Senator Graham on both of these issues and understand the tremendous pressure he is under from members of his own party not to work with us on either measure, but I will not allow him to play one issue off of another, and neither will the American people. They expect us to do both, and they will not accept the notion that trying to act on one is an excuse for not acting on the other.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of Another Birther Bites The Dust features Army Lt. Col. Terrence Lakin who last month, released a YouTube video in which he explained that he would not report for a second tour in Afghanistan until President Obama proves he is a citizen. The Army did not take kindly to his stated intentions, so formal court martial charges have been brought against  Lakin, for failing to follow orders, the military said today. Will Lakin be fortunate enough to be Tea-Bagged while in a military brink? Don’t ask, don’t tell.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of Republicans Behaving Badly features both racist Glenn Beck of Fox News and secessionist Governor Rick Perry of Texas. You might recall the time when Beck, while interviewing Perry, admitted that he would like to give him a French kiss. Well, it looks like Beck got his chance yesterday. Fox News host Glenn Beck  appeared with Texas Gov. Rick Perry, who is running on the Republican ticket for re-election at a Tea-Party style town hall meeting. Any Texas Rocketeers know if the kiss took place?

BREAKING NEWS: Remember back last October when we blogged that the The Clare Boothe Luce (whoever the hell she is) Policy Institute had released its fifth annual “Great American Conservative Women Calendar for 2010″? Besides the fact that the words, “Great American” and “Conservative Women” are mutually exclusive, who in the mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world of marketing ever could believe that such a thing could sell? Now we wonder, did they actually sell any of those calendars? Has anyone seen one?

Rather than list the names of the morons that will be featured in the calendar, we felt that we would simply incorporate them into tonight’s song parody. Please take note however, that even this conservative brain trust elected not to associate itself with Sarah Palin. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Please enjoy.

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Calendar Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUlOyj9F5gM

CALENDAR GALS

(sung to the Neil Sedaka song “Calendar Girl”)

Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Right wing calendar gals
Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Preaching those politics of fear

(January) Who is Kate Obenshain?
(February) Some Claire Boothe Luce dame
(March) Ann Coulter has a mannish smile
(April) Michelle Malkin’s breath smells just like bile
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(May) Marji Ross has a gigantic bum
(June) Kelly-Anne Conway is so very dumb
(July) Michele Bachmann looks like a ‘ho
(August) Carrie Prejean must really need the dough
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(musical interlude)

Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl

Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(September) Bay Buchanan’s age is sixty-three
(October) Phyllis Schlafly’s older than a redwood tree
(November) The Cupp chick goes by the name S.E.
(December) That Star Parker keeps strange company
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Right wing calendar gals
Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Preaching those politics of fear

Scott Brown Bags The Tea Party And Sarah Palin

The newly elected nudist US Senator from Massachusetts has just placed himself clearly within the rifle sights of Sarah Palin and the Tea-Baggers. Scott Brown, the former poster child for the Tea Party movement has just cut all ties with the crazy wingnuts and their de-facto leader, Sarah Palin. While appearing on the “Today” show on NBC this morning, the clothing challenged Brown announced to the nation that he will not seek the Republican nomination for President in 2012 and that he will not endorse Sarah Palin or any other Tea Party candidate.

When asked by host Jamie Gangel if he would support former Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin in a run for the White House, Brown politely responded “Well, I’m going to support Governor Romney”. Take that, Palin and the Tea-Partiers! Brown has just let you know in no uncertain terms that he no longer needs or wants your support.

Palin and the Tea-Baggers were largely responsible for Brown’s surprise election victory over Democrat Martha Coakley last January and there was lots of talk of a Palin/Brown ticket in 2012. But Brown then dissed the Tea-Baggers last week when he failed to attend their disaster of a rally on Boston Common. Now Brown has thrown salt in the wound by supporting the former Massachusetts Governor that signed into law the health care reform plan upon which our new national plan is modeled and which the Tea-Baggers and Palin despise. To add insult to injury moreover, Brown’s announcement comes just days after polling has revealed that New Hampshire Republicans favor Romney over Palin by 26 percentage points.

What sort of revenge will Palin and the Tea-Baggers seek? Will they label Brown a “RINO” (Republican In Name Only)? Will they field a Tea Party candidate to run against him in his 2012 re-election bid? Will they fill his Senate email box with racist, homophobic messages ala California state senator Leland Lee? Maybe they will just take their collective balls and go home.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I’ve Just Seen A Face song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbKGsEK_T9g

I’VE JUST SEEN HER FACE

(sung to the Beatles song “I’ve Just Seen A Face”)

I’ve just seen her face,
I can’t forget the time or place
I’ll make a bet, she’s trolling for a fee
Palin wants all the world to see her jet
Na na na na na na

Unemployed and without pay
She lives her life the Palin way
With winking eyes and beehive hair
She’s an Alaskan “Mama Bear” alright !
Na na na na na na

Falling, yes Sarah’s falling
And she’s appalling to sober men

Sitting on her throne
With her intelligence on loan
The G.O.P. thinks she is out of sight
Their other girls were never quite like this
Na na na na na na

Crawling, an insect crawling
And she’s appalling to sober men

(musical interlude)

Falling, yes Sarah’s falling
And she’s appalling to sober men

I’ve just seen her face
To folks like me it’s a disgrace
And better yet, I want the world to see
There is no place for Sarah P., you bet
Na na na na na na

Crawling, an insect crawling
And she’s appalling to sober men

Falling, yes Sarah’s falling
And she’s appalling to sober men

Oh, falling, yes Sarah’s falling
And she’s appalling to sober men