Sarah Palin Says, “It’s All About Me” (Again)

It is becoming obvious that Sarah Palin actually believes that every world event somehow is affected by or affects her. She is undoubtedly the center of her own alternative universe. The universe known as “It’s All About Me”.

We first noticed this mental condition way back in 2008 during her ill-fated candidacy with John McCain. Shortly after Palin was named as McCain’s running mate she took-over the show. She stirred up the less than gentlemanly side of the audiences at her campaign appearances with rhetoric such as “Obama’s been palling around with terrorists”. When her audiences began to shout things like “Treason!”, “He’s a terrorist!” and “Kill him!”, Palin said nothing to restore order. In fact, she relished the idea that she could stir such emotion. It finally took an admonishment from both McCain and the Secret Service for Palin to lighten-up on her rhetoric, but by that time her audiences were larger than those of her running mate.

Though members of the far-right may have loved Palin for her no holds barred type of campaigning, Americans in general did not. The McCain/Palin ticket was soundly renounced on election day. Palin was not finished however. In an unprecedented display of chutzpah, she decided to give her own speech prior to John McCain’s consolation speech. In essence, Palin was proclaiming to the nation that the Vice Presidential candidate was as important if not more than the Presidential candidate. When word of her impudence made its way to McCain, he stopped Palin in her tracks.

It was not too long after that that Sarah Palin made it all about herself once again when on July 3, 2009 she abruptly quit her position as Governor of Alaska. Never mind her implied promise to Alaskans to finish the term to which she was elected, Palin now had bigger and better things to do. In her “I Am Not A Quitter” speech, she essentially said that she was “taking one for the team”. That “team” allegedly was all Alaskans, because Palin said she was quitting to save the people the time and expense of responding to the ever-increasing number of ethics complaints filed against her. Indeed, she was so blind to reality that after the earlier Branchflower report found that she “abused her power” and violated an Alaska ethics statute in getting a trooper fired, Palin announced that she was exonerated.  In quitting, she said she was in a special position to help Alaskans even more if she were to venture outside the state and into the national sphere. She never really told them how that could be done however. They just needed to trust her, for Sarah knows best. Apparently personally earning millions while starring in a reality television show filmed in Alaska was the type of help she promised.

Since quitting it became even more all about Sarah. Obviously one’s memoir would be “all about me” (even if it was ghost-written), but in her book, Palin would have readers believe that if McCain’s handlers had only set her free to do as she pleased, she personally would have won the election. Palin also announced that she was so important that she would no longer speak to members of what she coined the “lamestream” media (except Fox News of course). As 2010 rolled around, Palin took it upon herself to identify radically conservative female candidates and bestow upon them the most coveted title of “Mama Grizzly”. Then following the January 8, 2011 Tucson massacre in which Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and 19 others were gunned down by a raving lunatic, she really made it all about herself. In an attempt to rehabilitate her image after having released an ad which identified Giggords by name and placed a sniper-sight over her district, Palin released a self-produced video. Rather than emphasizing the tragedy and its victims, Palin chose to attack those that criticized her violent rhetoric. In what is now known as her “I Was The Real Victim Of The Tucson Massacre” speech, Sarah Palin made herself the true focus of the tragedy.

Now Sarah Palin has just made herself the celestial sphere around which all things orbit yet again. This weekend, while addressing members of the Safari Club (an international hunting organization) in Reno, Nevada, she connected herself to the Egyptian uprising. Seriously, while commenting on the recently discussed media boycott of all things Palin during the Month of February, she said, “sounds good, because there’s a lot of chaos in Cairo, and I can’t wait to not get blamed for it–at least for a month.” Talk about a victimization complex. But that was not all. She once again placed herself squarely in the boundaries of a presidential run in 2012 without actually saying so. She said, “that’s why I think every president should have a run at gaining experience by being a councilmember, a mayor, a governor, a VP candidate, a commercial fisherman, a hockey mom.” She then said she was “kidding”. But was she? Once again it was all about Sarah.

In honor of the troops’ please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

It Had To Be You song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUqV1HoEYLw

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

(sung to the Harry Connick Jr. version of the song “It Had to Be You”)

It’s all about me
Who cares about you?
Palin is a clown yet she sports a frown
Oh, what will she do?
Palin and her crew
Say things so untrue
Health reform is bad, just ask her dad
They haven’t a clue

Is Sarah just mean?
Brain small like a bean?
She’s always so cross
But nobody’s boss
What’s with that hairdo?
Won’t have health reform if there’s a bill
You can shove your damn living will
It’s all about me, who cares about you?
She hasn’t a clue

(ego- stroking break)

Obama it seems
Might fulfill our dreams
It comes with a cost
An NRA loss
What will Palin do?
She’ll do her best to stop any bill
That may save a child from the kill
That’s just what she’ll do, it’s nothing new
That’s just what she’ll do.

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 68

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: Talking Points Memo (TPM) reports that a group of Senate Democrats has identified the new Tea Party caucuses in the House and Senate as existential threats to Social Security, and are aligning to create a bulwark against them. They’re pressing President Obama to re-engage and get on their side of the issue, and they have some muscle in the form of their message guru, Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY). He said,  “We’re not crying wolf here, this is a serious movement to undo the most successful government program in the 20th century.” Why does it not surprise Lynnrockets that the Tea Party would be behind such a move?

THIS JUST IN: Is it just me, or is anyone else skeptical about the recent report that concludes that the 5000 birds that fell dead from sky in Arkansas died from blunt force trauma? What on God’s green earth did all 5000 birds get hit by all at the same time? The moon? Come on, there has to be a better explanation than that.

BREAKING NEWS: Is it a surprise to anyone that moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann (R-MN) who insisted throughout last year’s campaign season that Republicans must focus on jobs, has just suggested in a list of proposed spending cuts that the government “eliminate federal job training programs”? You simply cannot believe one word that emanates from this crackpot’s mouth.

THIS JUST IN: Does anybody else out there like to live vicariously through Charlie Sheen?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “What A Bust!” features the Tea Party Caucus. The first meeting of the Senate Tea Party Caucus on Thursday attracted just four senators — out of 47 GOP members — willing to describe themselves as members. Even Tea Party star Marco Rubio avoided the event. Let’s face it, no sane person would want to hitch their boxcar to that crazy-train.

THIS JUST IN: In his State of the Union response, Paul Ryan (R-WI) had this to say about Social security, “This is a future in which we will transform our social safety net into a hammock, which lulls able-bodied people into lives of complacency and dependency.” What Mr. Ryan failed to tell the American people however, was that he personally collected Social security death benefits after his father passed away and used them to pay for his college education. Hmm, looks like somebody has some ‘splainin’ to do.

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News Comment of the week. In response to the Fox News headline, “California Neighbors Irate Over Nazi Flag in Window”. Website comment: “Is this any worse than all the Mexican flags I see on Cinco De Mayo?”

THIS JUST IN: Just when you thought that the potential list of whackos competing for the 2012 G.O.P. Presidential nomination could not get any weirder, along comes Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle. When asked by an Iowa reporter if she planned to run, she responded, “I’ll just say I have lots of options for the future, and I’m investigating all my options.” Good grief!

BREAKING NEWS: It was refreshing to see Politicususa report this week that Glenn Beck’s ratings have dropped nearly 50% over the last year – he’s lost almost 500,000 viewers a night since November. It would appear that even the under-educated and misinformed Fox News audience is fed up with listening to Beck predict things that never happen or rant about wildly imagined conspiracy theories. They may finally even realize that Beck appears to be having some sort of nervous breakdown before their very eyes. Whatever the underlying reason, like his sponsors, his audience is now leaving in droves.

Speaking of Glenn Beck, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Desperado song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2EzD0ziIj0

Desperado

(sung to the Eagles song “Desperado”)

Desperado, you better come to your senses
Your racist offenses, so public now
Oh, you’re a hard one
But this will be your last season
The Fox boys are teasin’ you
Your show’s all done now

After your unseemly cryin’, boy
We knew you were unstable
We have all seen you fall apart on your set

Now it seems to me, you don’t bring
One sane sentence to the table
But what could one expect from crazy Glenn Beck

Desperado, you better fetch that old plunger
You’ll soon be flushed under that porcelain throne
Your kingdom, your kingdom fell and it’s not all that shocking
You just kept on talking till you were all alone

Will your deep dark soul hibernate in slime?
Your name, Glenn Beck, constitutes a crime
As does most everything that you say
Your sponsors all fleeing your show
Ain’t it funny as we watch them go away?

Desperado, You’ve shown us all what nonsense is
The prevailing sense is, you only hate
Your tears are rainin’, cuz you know nobody loves you
The Lord in Heaven up above you
(heaven up above you)
The Lord in Heaven up above you will decide your fate

A Saturday Night Palin Byte

Just some old Anti-Palin television theme song parody fun for this late January evening. This is actually one of the first parodies that I wrote. I composed it a long time before starting this blog. In those days I was simply posting the songs on comment sections of newspapers and blogs, the most notable of which was The Mudflats. Please enjoy this little bit of Lynnrockets nostalgia while we await the Queen of Quit to utter some new foolish tid-bit for us to parody.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Mary Tyler Moore Show theme link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Mary_Tyler_Moore_Show_-_CD_Version.html

THE MARY TYLER PALIN  SHOW

(sung to the theme of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”)

Who’s the pitbull with lipstick on her smile?
Who can take an election campaign, and suddenly make it all
seem futile?
Well its you Sarah, and you did show it
With each incoherent sentence, you sure did blow it

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it
What’s that sucking sound coming from your spaced head?
You’re gonna fake it after all

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it
What’s that sucking sound coming from your spaced head?
You’re gonna fake it after all

(bad-parenting break)

You want Alaska to secede
You have lots of firearms and girl you know that’s all you need
All the Tea-Baggers adore you
That Thorazine stare will do wonders for you

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it
What’s that sucking sound coming from your spaced head?
You’re gonna fake it after all

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it
What’s that sucking sound coming from your spaced head?
You’re gonna fake it after all

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it all

You went and faked it after all

Sarah Palin: Spudnuts, Hookers, Masturbation And A Whole Lotta Stupid

See No Future, Hear No Future, Speak No Future

I think that we can feel confident in saying that Sarah Palin has jumped the shark. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “jump the shark” is generally defined as the point in time when a once popular person or thing begins to lose popularity and, in an attempt to regain its former status, veers off course and into the absurd never to recover again. The term originated during a 1977 episode of the once famously popular television sitcom, Happy Days. In that episode, the oh, so cool Fonzie, while water skiing (clad in leather motorcycle jacket and swim trunks) in California, performed a daredevil jump over a confined shark. Critics now refer to that moment as the single point in time when Happy Days hit rock bottom and never recovered. In other words, that was the moment in time when the show “jumped the shark.” Get it?

For those of you that still do not “get it”, let’s go to the tape shall we?

Ok, are we all on board now? Good. Let’s carry on.

Sarah Palin, the once popular Tea Party icon jumped the shark on January 8, 2011 when Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and 19 others were gunned down by a lunatic who was resorting to his “2nd Amendment remedies”. The previous March, Palin unveiled a very ill-conceived political ad which identified Ms. Giffords by name and placed a sniper-sight symbol over her congressional district. Palin’s ad proved to be eerily predictive of the Tucson massacre.

As the result of her ad and the ultimate shooting, Palin would now be linked to this brutally violent and senseless act forever. Her popularity began to sink. Her attempts at rehabilitating her image via a self-produced video statement (now known as the “I Was The Real Victim Of The Tucson Massacre” speech) and multiple softball interviews on Fox News (where else?) proved unsuccessful. Immediately after the failed rehab effort, all things Palin veered off course and into the absurd.

First she was snubbed by her very own Tea Party when moonbat-crazy Teapublican Michele Bachmann was selected to provide the official Tea Bagger response to President Obama’s State of the Union Address. Not to be out-shined by the emerging Bachmann star, Palin ran to good friend Greta Van Susteren over at Fox News (where else?) to provide her own SOTU retort. Needless to say, it was a doozy. She reinforced the emerging public opinion that, as Karl Rove said, “she lacks the gravitas” to be President when she resorted to the tasteless street lingo of “WTF” when referring to Obama’s oft repeated “Winning the Future” phrase. She then showed that she completely missed the President’s point that Americans should seize the opportunity to expand into the new fields of “green” industry so as to beat foreign nations to the punch when he called this a “sputnik moment”. She also proved (once again) that she has no grasp of history when she claimed that the Soviet sputnik mission drove the country into bankruptcy and subsequent collapse. That was a true “WTF” moment for Alsaka’s “space case”.

More absurdity came when Palin then segwayed into saying that what America needs is a “spudnut” moment. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was referring to a wildly successful donut shop in Washington state known as The Spudnut Shop. It goes without saying (but we will say it anyway) that the owners are friends of the Palin family. She implied that America must concentrate on small business development through less government taxation and regulation. Her analogy was well off base however, because despite what Palin considers to be an environment of far too much taxation and regulation, The Spudnut Shop is prospering. Apparently those taxes and regulation are not impeding the success of The Spudnut shop in the least. Another “WTF” moment for the Queen of Quit.

Next up, we had the National Enquirer breaking the story that Todd Palin was cheating on Sarah with an Alaskan masseuse/prostitute. Of course Sarah took to the Fox airwaves yet again to say that the Anchorage (AK) police have confirmed that no evidence exists which would implicate Todd in the involvement with a prostitution ring. But that is not the point. Nobody reported that her husband was involved in a prostitution ring. It was reported that Todd cheated on Sarah with a woman who happens to be a prostitute. This is a subtle yet very important difference.

Finally, there is the Tracy Morgan episode. The “30 Rock Star” stunned viewers when he appeared on the TNT Network‘s “Inside The NBA” broadcast on Thursday and made lewd remarks about Sarah Palin. Host Charles Barkley asked the funnyman, “Sarah Palin’s good looking, isn’t she?” prompting Morgan to reply, “Now let me tell you something about Sarah Palin man, she’s good masturbation material. The glasses and all that? Great masturbation material.” Morgan’s words are indefensible but they highlight the perception that Sarah Palin is no longer scene as a serious player in the political world. At least in one person’s opinion she has been reduced to a mere object of ridicule.

Lynnrockets’ proclaims that Sarah Palin has jumped the shark!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Happy Days TV theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rqppEj4Dus

Palin Days

(sung to the TV theme of “Happy Days”)

Sunday, Monday, Palin days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Palin days.
Thursday, Friday, Palin days.
The weekend’s here, that “Bridge to Nowhere”,
“Thanks But Not Thanks” to you.

She prays for hours. To be Big P.
She prays for hours. With the A.I.P.

Hello, “Joe Sixpack” she loves you, “Joe the Plumber” is her type too.
She did it with Todd, she did it with John. she feels like a “pig with lipstick” on!

Sunday, Monday, Palin days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Palin days.
Thursday, Friday, Palin days.
Saturday, Oh, Tina Fey,
I’ve been dreamin’ all week of you.

She prays for hours. “Caribou Barbie”.
She prays for hours. Who’ll tea-bag me?.

These Palin days, she did resign
These Palin days, she’s a punch-line, Palin days.

All Things Palin Are In Decline

Oh, where do we begin? Things have been going so poorly for the Palin clan of late that it is difficult to find a suitable starting point to chronicle all of their misfortune and bad publicity.

Sarah Palin appeared to be at the apex of her popularity sometime during the summer months of 2010. She was at the forefront of the Tea Party ascension as she bestowed endorsements like blessings upon a plethora of “Mama Grizzlies” in anticipation of the mid-term elections. By the end of the summer, she was all the rage as her very own reality television series was being endlessly promoted. The Queen of Quit was also teasing everyone with the possibility that she might run for President in 2012. Her guest host appearances on Fox News (where else) were increasing. Soon thereafter, daughter Bristol also, too was appearing in a reality television series known as “Dancing With The Stars”. Let’s face it folks, in the latter half of 2010 it was “all Palins, all the time.”

Suddenly however, Palin power and influence took a turn for the worse. Most of Sarah’s  more prominent and controversial “Mama Grizzlies” such as Christine “Witchy Woman” O’Donnell, Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle, Linda “Women Are Sex Objects” McMahon, Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina and Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman lost in the mid-term general elections. Her more prominent and controversial male “Papa Grizzlies” such as John “Lasers In The Sky” Raese, Tom “Bomb Mecca” Tancredo, Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck and Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi also lost. Perhaps the biggest blow to Palin however, was that she could not influence the voters of her home state of Alaska to vote for Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller. He lost to a write in candidate of all things. In short, the nation’s voters “refudiated” Sarah Palin.

After the mid-term elections, Sarah Palin began to suffer a steady decline in national polls. The one-time “most popular Governor” began to witness her “approval” numbers drop more quickly than the snow in Alaska. Indeed, as of January 19, 2011 her approval rating descended to an all-time low of 19% according to a CBS/New York Times poll of registered voters.

Worse yet, prominent members of her own Republican Party began to publicly criticize her. Karl Rove stated that Palin lacked the “gravitas” to be President. Newt Gingrich said, “she keeps lowering the bar for herself.” Former First Lady Barbara Bush said she hopes Palin stays in Alaska. Her very first “Baby Grizzly”, Senator Scott Brown (D-MA) said he would not vote for her for president. Even co-worker Mort Kondracke over at uber-friendly Fox News said, “She’s a joke even within her own party. The idea that she would be the presidential nominee is unthinkable.”

In the meantime, Bristol Palin got caught up in a controversy of her own. It was alleged by many that despite the fact that she lacked the dancing skills of many other contestants on DWTS, she continued to survive only because of Palinbot robo-voting. Of course Bristol ultimately lost.

Palin popularity took its worst hit on January 8, 2011 when Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and several others were gunned down in Tucson, Arizona when a deranged lunatic exercised his “2nd Amendment remedies.” The previous March Sarah Palin used a sniper-sight symbol-laden ad which targeted Giffords’ district and  identified Giffords by name on what is now universally considered to be an ill-conceived campaign prop. It was obvious that Palin would now be linked (fairly or unfairly) to that tragedy forever. She made things worse when she attempted to rehabilitate her image via a self-produced video which is now known as her “I Was The Real Victim Of The Tucson Massacre” speech. That video resonated so poorly with Americans that Fox News‘ Sean Hannity unsuccessfully attempted to have Palin talk her way out of it on his program a few nights thereafter.

The Palin family’s bad news continues. First Sarah Palin was crushed by potential rival Mitt Romney in a New Hampshire straw poll which was heavily attended by Tea Partiers. Next, it was Michele Bachmann (R-MN) and not Palin (Q-AK) that was selected to provide the official Tea Party response to the President’s State of the Union Address. Then, last week the National Enquirer reported that husband Todd Palin was a frequent recipient of massages and possibly more from an Alaskan prostitute. Daughter Bristol was then invited and then rejected by Washington University in St. Louis to discuss sexual abstinence at an event scheduled for next month. University students were outraged that student union funds were to be paid to a non-college educated unwed pregnant teen in an effort to “teach” college students about abstinence. Sarah Palin then elected to provide her own response to the State of the Union Address, but in an attempt to cleverly mock the President’s “win the future” tagline, she resorted to refer to it by means of her potty-mouthed “WTF” (gee, I wonder what she meant by that) acronym. Once again, she has been roundly criticized for her vocabulary.

Finally, and potentially most damaging of all is the news that Alaska officials must release by May 31, 2011 an estimated 26,500 pages of personal emails exchanged between the former ex-quitting half-term Governor and her aides. The records release comes after nearly three years. The initial request was made by news entities back when Ms. Palin was running for vice president with Arizona U.S. Senator John McCain. The request includes emails between Ms. Palin and her husband, Todd, who was accused of wielding inappropriate governmental powers. MSNBC (the initial plaintiff in the lawsuit which sought the email release) plans to “post the e-mails online in a searchable archive” in effect, WikiLeaking Sarah Palin. It has been alleged and/or hinted by some Alaskan bloggers that the emails may just be the tip of the iceberg which sinks the good ship Palin as well as her dream of a political future.

The year 2011 is not shaping-up well for Team Palin. Will there be more bad news arising? I bet you Rocketeers can guess where this is leading!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Bad Moon Rising” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iktMZy0CG30

BAD NEWS ARISING

(sung to the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Bad Moon Rising”)

Palin sees bad news arising
She sees trouble on the way
She will stick to her lyin’
Emails are on the way

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise

Palin’s secrets will be showin’
We know her end is coming soon
Soon all of us will be knowin’
Palin is a disgrace and ruined

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise
Alright!

(email scrubbing break)

We will be thrilled to forget her
Palin will have tears in her eyes
Looks like she’s in for nasty weather
She’ll be exposed by all her lies

Well, Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise

Does Sarah Palin Read Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off?

Boy, what a coincidence. Or was it? Remember, Sarah Palin says that she does not believe in coincidences. Nevertheless, it is peculiar that on the very evening after we posted a blog entry which postulated that potential G.O.P. presidential nominee rivals Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann may be in a cat-fight of iced-tea proportions, Palin appears on Fox News (where else?) and purrs complementary sweet nothings in the direction of Bachmann. You have to wonder, does palin ever find herself humming along to any of those song parodies? Probably not, but it would be humorous!

We wrote yesterday that the throne of the Tea Party is in dispute. Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska held the title of Queen of the Tea Baggers from the movement’s inception right on up to her disastrous “I Was The Actual Victim Of The Tucson Massacre” speech. Palin’s reign of terror was publicly broadcast to America on a near daily basis by means of her Facebook posts, Twitter tweets, Fox News appearances and her un-reality television series. Her hogging of the national “lamestream” media spotlight ensured that she was perceived as the undisputed champion of the radical, educationally challenged, colonial attire-wearing, gun-toting, hateful rhetoric-spewing, right-wing gang of zealots known as the Tea Party.

During that time however, Teapublican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann was planning her coup. Bachmann shared all the same misguided beliefs and encouraged all the same ill-conceived policies as Palin and the Tea Baggers, but she was not in everyone’s face all the time. Moreover, Bachmann was different from Palin because she is one of those “inside the beltway” Washington insiders inasmuch as she is in her third term as a Representative from Minnesota. Indeed, it was Bachmann who attempted to round up all the other like-minded Washington insiders when she formed the congressional Tea Party caucus. Bachmann seemed to be waiting for the moment when Palin slipped, at which point she would seize control of the Tea Baggers.

That moment arose on January 8, 2011 when Representative Gabrielle Giffords and others were shot in Tucson. The shooting immediately focused criticism on Palin for her eerily predictive sniper-sight laden map which identified Ms. Giffords as a target. Inasmuch as Palin was so intrinsically tied to the Tea Party, that movement also came under fire from many Americans. Palin went into hiding after her appearance on “Hannity” in which she unsuccessfully tried to rehabilitate her image. The Tea Party in turn, realized that if it was to maintain any type of credibility it should distance itself from Palin for awhile until things cooled off. Bachmann then seized the opportunity to grab the Tea Party spotlight. Her coup was completed when she (not Palin) gave the official Tea Party response to President Obama’s State of the Union Address on Tuesday evening. As we said yesterday  morning, we may have just witnessed the dawning of the age of Bachmann.

Sarah Palin must have witnessed the same thing also, too. She suddenly appeared on Greta Van Susteren’s program on Fox News (where else) last night and attempted to mend fences with Bachmann in an obvious effort to regain some relevance within the Tea Bagger movement. She defended Bachmann’s ill-advised decision to give a Tea Party response which was separate and apart from the official G.O.P. response to the President’s SOTUA. Many pundits and mainstream Republican congressional leaders believed that the bifurcated responses may have signaled a rift within the party. Indeed, when asked whether he watched Bachmann’s response, House Speaker John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) bluntly replied, “No I did not. I had other obligations”. Palin on the other hand, said, “I love it when anybody goes rogue for the right reasons” and “We believe in competition, even within our own party…and we don’t have just the fighting instincts of a bunch of sheep, like I think a lot of Democrats do.”

Sarah Palin’s efforts may have at least won over one unlikely person. Although she has been one of Palin’s most outspoken critics, Meghan McCain (daughter of John McCain) apparently likes Michele Bachmann even less. In a very backhanded complement to Caribou Barbie, she called Bachmann “a poor man’s Sarah Palin” on MSNBC last evening (see below).

Whether Sarah Palin’s overture of support to Michele Bachmann has won over any Tea Baggers remains to be seen. For all intents and purposes, Bachmann remains the new reigning monarch of the Tea Party. For now.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Foxy Lady song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnkYatAT7NE

FOXY LADIES

(sung to the Jimi Hendrix song “Foxy Lady”)

Foxy
Foxy

These two, they’re a couple of smart-fakers
Foxy
But they’re just a couple of hate-mongers
Foxy

Fox makes them feel at home
Do they have any charm? No!
But they’re on all the time, prime-time
Ooh, Foxy ladies

Foxy
Foxy

Palin, she’s just so spiteful and mean
Ooh, Foxy
She makes us wanna get up and scream
Foxy
And Michele Bachmann now
Has just lost her mind
They’re both just wasting all our precious time
But Fox thinks they’re fine, so fine
Foxy Ladies
They’re so dumb

Foxy
Foxy
Foxy
Foxy

Yeah, just listen to them drone
As they sound they’re alarms, Whoa
Fox says they are so fine, prime-time
Foxy ladies

They’re just dumb ladies
We’d love to forget ya
Foxy ladies
You’re both no good
Yeah, Foxy
You’re both so dumb
Foxy
Sour lemonade
You’re spreadin’ fear. Yikes
Night and day on Foxy
Foxy
Foxy ladies
Foxy ladies

Did We Just Witness The Dawning Of The Age Of Bachmann?

Have any of you noticed that former BFF’s Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are on a collision course? It is true. Those two moonbat-crazy Tea Baggers who just a short while ago could often be seen extolling eachother’s virtues in public, now nary mention a word of the other. It appears that they may now be engaged in a fight to the death battle for the Queenship of the Tea Party. It would also appear that Michele Bachmann is winning the fight.

Sarah Palin has long been the darling of the Tea Baggers. That was natural in that she and they shared an affinity for misspelling and the misunderstanding of such things as Medicare, the United States Constitution and a proper dress code (Naughty Monkey cork-heeled shoes or tri-cornered hat with powdered wig?). Palin truly spoke the language of the educationally-challenged and the Tea Baggers understood it. But something funny happened on the way to Tea Party stardom. Tea Partiers (and the American population as a whole) began to lose interest in the “Quitter on Twitter”. The first sign of this was when Palin’s favorabilty ratings began to drop in poll after poll. Next, her second ghost-written book did not sell nearly as well as her first and the corresponding cross-country book tour was not well attended by devotees. The final straw may have been her disastrous video response to the Tucson massacre. Even her co-workers at Fox News realized that her “The Real Victim Of The Tucson Shootings Was Me!” speech did not resonate well with anyone. Consequently, they invited her to an immediate soft-ball interview with Sean Hannity in an attempt to resurrect her credibility. Unfortunately (for her), that failed also, too. Shortly thereafter, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was crushed by Mitt(wit) Romney in a New Hampshire straw poll heavily attended by Tea Partiers. In short, it appears that the Tea Party has “refudiated” Sarah Palin.

During the entire period that Sarah Palin was basking in the national limelight, Michele Bachmann was busy building a base of her own. She shared all the same misguided beliefs and encouraged all the same ill-conceived policies as Palin, but she was not in everyone’s face all the time. She did not post a Facebook comment or Twitter tweet in response to any word uttered by Obama or the press. She did not appear in her own un-reality television series. Bachmann’s plan to capture the Tea Party crown was more conventional than Palin’s. She was already a Washington insider inasmuch as she is a three term Representative from Minnesota. She capitalized on her elected office by forming the Congressional “Tea Party Caucus”. She is also fruitcake-nutty enough to appeal to radical Tea Baggers. You might recall that she advocated for a McCarthyesque investigation of members of Congress to determine if they are anti-American. She heartily agreed with Sarah Palin regarding her “death panel” lie. She fell hook, line and sinker for an internet rumor that President Obama’s 2010 trip to Asia cost $200 miilion per day and that he would be accompanied by 34 warships. She said that teenagers should pay their employers for the privilege of working instead of receiving the minimum wage and she said that being gay is “part of Satan”. Like Palin’s sniper-sight symbolism, Bachmann also utilizes violent rhetoric such as when she said she wanted Minnesotans “armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back.” All of that is highly digestible stuff for the Tea Baggers.

As Palin’s star is fading however, Bachmann’s is rising. Like Palin, she has not denied that she is considering a run for the presidency in 2012. Indeed, she is planning to speak once again in the early primary state of Iowa. While Palin appears to have fallen into a state of hibernation following her Tucson misadventure, Bachmann has been pasting her visage on the television air-waves (or cables) on a near daily basis. Most telling of all however, is that it was Michele Bachmann (not Palin) that gave the Tea Party response to President Obama’s State of the Union Address last night. Mind you, she looked foolish and did a terrible job, but she was the face of the Tea Party at that important moment and it appears she will continue to be for the foreseeable future.

Let’s disect and analyze that speech a bit, shall we? First of all it was hilarious to see Bachmann looking at the wrong camera throughout. it looked as if she was not speaking to her Tea Bagger audience, but rather to some off camera stage worker. Her next trick was to mimic Glenn Beck by pulling out those charts. At that point I was just waiting for her to mention George Soros or ACORN. But really, it was the content of her response which was the most ridiculous. It was filled with outright falsehoods as well as exaggerations and half-truths. For instance, she said the “bureaucracy now tells us which light bulbs to buy and may put 16,500 IRS [tax] agents in charge of policing President Obama’s healthcare bill”. That is merely an old lie from last year’s mid-term elections which politics website Factcheck debunked as “partisan analysis based on guesswork and false assumptions, and compounded by outright misrepresentation”.

Better yet however, was when she falsely claimed in her recent Iowa speech that the founding fathers put an end to slavery. She said,

“the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States…Men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.”

Hmm, where to begin? First of all slavery was not abolished until 1865 which was well after the deaths of the founding fathers. Funnier still, was Bachmann’s failure to understand that John Quincy Adams was not a “founding father”. He was the son of John Adams. Apparently U.S. history is not all that important to a congresswoman that wants to lead the Tea Party. Then again, why should it be? Remember, it was the Tea Baggers that wanted the government to keep its hands out of the government-run Medicare program.

All that being said, we may have just witnessed the dawning of the age of Bachmann.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Two Of Us song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1Y3PlmwnRM

TWO OF US

(sung to the Beatles song “Two Of Us”)

Two of us dying our hair
Spending someone’s hard earned pay
You and me both conniving
Numbers diving in all recent polls
Our brains out on loan
Just like Fred Flintstone
We are two clones

Two of us freakin’ retards
Signing book sleeves at the mall
Sending Twitter dispatches
Try and catch us as we mount our thrones
We have empty domes
Just watch our mouths foam
We love to drone

We both have short memories
Like a dead end road
There’s nothing in our heads

Two of us spewing misquotes
Stooping so low, having fun
Never reading the papers
Scheming capers on the telephone
From our pricey homes
In the twilight zone
We are two clones

We both have short memories
Like a dead end road
There’s nothing in our heads

Bachmann is casting “No” votes
Palin showboats with her guns
Both of them are just fakers
Trouble makers when they’re not at home
Whereabouts unknown
They’ll reap what they’ve sown
They are two clones

They are just two clones

Yes sir

Slow News Day Musing

Question: What of interest is going on in the world of political news today? Answer: Nothing!

We never thought it would happen, but as of noon EST, nothing truly noteworthy or parody-worthy is happening. Could it be that everyone is simply waiting to hear what President Barack Obama will say in his State of the Union Address this evening? Are all of the members of Congress simply too nervous about which member of the opposing party they might be seated next to at the speech? Has every newsworthy person suddenly fallen into hibernation? As legendary Green Bay Packer coach Vince Lombardi once famously shouted from the sideline, “What the hell is going on out here!” What you don’t remember that? Well, today is a slow day, so here it is:

OK then, now that we have our obligatory Green Bay Packer reference out of the way for another day, we can move on. Speaking of move-on, even MoveOn.org is quiet today. The progressive group’s only interest today is if the President will mention Social Security in his SOTUA. Heck, even Media Matters and Newshounds were forced to comment on the same non-story. You know, the one where Fox News hosts state emphatically that their network never compares those on the left to Nazi’s, and then the progressive blogosphere provides about one hundred examples of Fox hosts and guests doing exactly that. This lack of news makes one wonder if even Sarah Palin has elected to assist the “lamestream” media with their vow of a Palin-free February by starting to do nothing noteworthy as early as late January. The only thing the usually controversial Queen of Quit has done in the last 48 hours was to appear at a fundraiser for a christian school in Lubbock, Texas which was, of course, closed to the press. Speaking of Lubbock, Texas, did you folks know that that is where Buddy Holly was from? Just who was Buddy Holly you might ask?

Alright then, now we have our obligatory Buddy Holly reference also out of the way. Do any of you folks have any buddies that might be of interest? If so, please let us know because we are bored. Does it show? Speaking of shows, does anybody else out there other than NSWFM like the HBO show “MadMen”? We do. Here is a clip:

A lot like a law firm I formerly worked with. Oh well, here is a Sarah Palin song parody to take us through to tonight’s big speech.

Remember to click on the song link below to have more fun singing along. 

Brown Eyed Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG8Ect3Xn7w

FOUR EYED GIRL

(sung to the Van Morrison song “Brown Eyed Girl”)

Hey where did she go,
Days when the snow came
Way down in Juneau,
Playin’ the blame game,
Winkin’ and a blinkin’, hey, hey
Oil should be a pumpin’
With those rimless glasses on and
Sarah campaign stumpin’, oh,
My four eyed girl,
You, my four eyed girl.

Whatever happened
To Wooten and Stambaugh
Did they not toe the line
Forcing Sarah to let them go
Standing in her office laughing,
Hiring her old friends from school
Fibbin’ and a lying
Playin’ citizens as fools, were you
My four eyed girl
You, my four eyed girl

Do you remember when she used to sing…
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Just like that
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
La Ti Da

She has lots of legal bills
And they make her whine and moan
She’ll be turnin’ to booze and pills
Unless she gets a loan
Someone’s gotta help her, Lord
Could it be the good Ol’ SarahPac
Defense fund could save her ass
And fill her wallet too, oh you
My four eyed girl
You, my four eyed girl

Do you remember when she used to sing…
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Sha la la la la la la la la la…

Sarah Palin’s Battle Hymn Of The Teapublic

"Gosh darn, I smudged my crib-notes while massaging Todd!"

It has been awfully quiet on the Palin-front since the National Enquirer published its “First Dude In A Kinky Mood” story late last week. To date, there has been no Sarah Palin response to that embarrassing tale. Indeed, all we have heard from the Queen of Quit is that she will be speaking at some Christian school in Texas and we read her possibly ghost-written book-report about the lifeguard days of Ronald Reagan which appeared in The USA Today. Oh yes, we also learned that she was crushed by Mit(wit) Romney in the New Hampshire straw poll. When will the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska emerge from her den to reveal if her shadow will doom us to 6 more weeks of silence? Sarah, come out, come out wherever you are!

Other than “Massage-Gate”, the only entertaining thing to emerge about Sarah Palin in the last week or so is that video of the two crazy Palinistas performing their re-working of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” (see below) which has been drawing a ton of interest on Youtube. You can only work with what material you have, so please enjoy this re-re-working of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” in true Lynnrockets fashion.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Sarah Palin’s Hymn song video: 

SARAH PALIN’S HYMN (LYNNROCKETS’ VERSION)

(sung to the “Battle Hymn Of The Republic”)

She’s a moonbat from Alaska
She has a ten foot fence
She’s not a Harvard lawyer cuz she has no common sense
A jack-ass from the North
For which we can blame Johnnie Mack
Palin and her Tea Party are always on attack

Sarah Palin should be locked up in a trunk
Sarah Palin talks just like a skid-row drunk
Sarah Palin is such an epic fail
And when she reads her palm it’s like a blind girl without Braille

Sarah has the wisdom of a crack-head sidewalk whore
Keeps throwing out “Ya Betchas” in her “Mama Grizzly” roar
She is known to substitute her lies for certain facts
Palin and the Tea Party are just a bunch of hacks

Sarah Palin, her election hopes are sunk
Sarah Palin’s “death panel” lies were debunked
Sarah Palin, she spells just like Dan Quayle
Her dreams of seeing Washington have all now been derailed

Spoken:
Palin’s White House dreams are now nightmares from the past
But Tina Fey and company would have had a blast
Now she’ll ride off with Todd on his brand new Ski-Doo
Sarah’s rosy lips will turn blue and cold
If Palin ever gave us anything,
It was just a great big case of heartburn, Sarah knows.

(Really awkward pause)

Sarah’s now long gone….

Closing Dedication:
“I’d like to dedicate this to Tom Brady and the Patriots!!!”

Packers – Super Bowl Bound!!!

The team with the most NFL championships will be competing once again for the championship trophy which bears their legendary coach’s name. The twelve-time champion Green Bay Packers will return to the Super Bowl in a quest to bring the Lombardi Trophy home once again. It was a nail-biter, but the Packers managed to hold on long enough to hold off their arch-rival Chicago Bears. The winning touchdown was scored by Boston College’s very own B.J. Raji. The Packers are now the first ever NFC 6th playoff seed to advance to the Super Bowl. To add insult to injury, the NFC championship win today sent the Halas Trophy to Green Bay where it will be displayed for the next year. George Halas of course, was the longtime coach of the Bears.

The Packers will meet the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl.  Lynnrockets is hoping and praying that the Packers win their lucky 13th championship.

GO PACK GO!!!