Blog Archives

Carville Carves Up Republican Presidential Candidates

Sometimes you must honestly admit that someone else has addressed a topic in a far better than you could have done yourself. Such is the case for me today.

On Saturday, Democratic strategist James Carville wrote a column which was posted on the CNN website here. It is titled “Carville to GOP: You have a disaster on your hands” and it is a gem. It colorfully describes the mess that is the field of Republican Presidential candidates. Here are some of my favorite excerpts:

I mean, most people thought it was kind of a watermark when your Tea Party gang booed the golden rule (at the Fox Debate). You know, I’ve spent some time in Philly and they have always thought they were pretty radical because they actually booed Santa Claus and Willie Mays. Philly, I’ve got news for you — you ain’t got nothing on South Carolina Republicans. They just aren’t buying any of that do-unto-others garbage.”

Here is another beauty:

“I actually thought my favorite moment of this delightful process was when one of your eight front-runners, Herb Cain, (as Sarah Palin calls him) actually ran an ad with his campaign manager endorsing him. (Rove, why didn’t you think of that in 2000? Imagine the headline: “Rove endorses Bush.”)”

This sums up Mitt Romney’s campaign pretty well:

“At any rate, let’s talk a minute about Mitt. He was your guy — he was methodical, meticulous, married once. He has completely blown himself up over an issue that everyone knew was coming. Have you had a chance to look at John McCain’s research operation on Mitt? Wow. And let me assure you, that thing has been supplemented, expanded, and annotated. God only knows about the Obama people — they’ve got a billion dollars! And how about my friends over at American Bridge, the Democrat-leaning political action committee? Clearly Mitt is merely in the beginning of this tax-return, financial-disclosure, Cayman Island (and God only knows what else) fiasco.”

This is what he had to say about Newt Gingrich:

“Your new front-runner is one of your old front runners, Newt Gingrich. I would like to take a moment to revel: I cannot personally tell you how pleased I am to see old Newt rise to the top after listening to all of your nauseating, sickening lectures on the evils of government and the importance of family values.Now, you guys have to deal with a $1.6 million Freddie Mac consultant (who says he wasn’t a lobbyist) who has been married three times. Hope you, at least, enjoy the Super Bowl. It could be your last hurrah for a while.”

Finally, he concluded with this:

“PS — As my former boss once said, I feel your pain. That’s why I didn’t mention Rick Perry.”

Bravo Mr. Carville! Priceless stuff!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Rick Perry’s a Texan whore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

Boom, bam, boom
Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….

Rick Perry Exits Stage Right…Very Far Right

The insane asylum that is the field of Republican Presidential candidates is losing patients at an increasing rate. By quitting the race, Tim Pawlenty, Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann and Jon Huntsman have all demonstrated vast improvement in their ability to separate reality from fantasy. Those candidates have all made substantial progress by finally realizing that it was only fantasy to consider themselves qualified contenders for the presidency. They eventually accepted the reality that they are unelectable clowns and their quitting served to release them from the confines of false illusion.

Yesterday, Rick Perry joined them on the road to recovery. He too has now quit the race.

Rick Perry in fact, may have been the most delusional of all the clowns beneath The Koch Bros. and Tea Baggers Flying Republican Circus Big Top. This Texan’s ten gallon hat was filled with ten gallons of dumb. Take for example, his bizarre stump speech antics in New Hampshire. His speech was slurred. He made crazy faces. He made odd references. Often times he made no sense at all. It appeared that he was either drunk or overly medicated. It was sad to see a potential Presidential nominee in this condition. It was even more tragic to think that a person such as this could aspire to occupy the highest office in the United States.

Things got even worse at the Republican debate which followed. Perry made a fool of himself in front of his GOP opponents, the moderators, the live audience and the television audience. The Texas Governor was asked a question about his tax and spending plan — but completely blew the answer by looking like a complete fool. Perry was listing the three Cabinet agencies he wants to abolish — and forgot the third one. Remember how it transpired?

  • Perry:  And I will tell you it is three agencies of government when i get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see…Okay. Commerce, Education, and the —”
  • Romney:  EPA?
  • Perry:  EPA, there you go.
  • Moderator:  Seriously, is EPA the one you are talking about?
  • Perry:  No sir, no, sir. We are talking about the  – agencies of government – EPA needs to be rebuilt.
  • Moderator:  You can’t – you can’t name the third one?
  • Perry:  The third agency of government I would – I would do away with education, the Commerce…Commerce and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.

It is hard to believe, but things got even worse for Rick Perry after those fumbles. While speaking to a group of students in New Hampshire, Perry misinformed his young audience that the voting age is 21 (it is 18). He also told them to vote on November 12, 2012 which is not the day of the election (it is November 6th). Then, after finishing embarrassingly low in the Iowa Caucuses, he lurched very far to the right and announced that he changed his position on abortion. He was now against abortion in all cases, even in the case of rape or incest.

Another poor showing in the New Hampshire primary sealed Perry’s fate. He has now joined the quitting team of Pawlenty, Cain, Bachmann and Huntsman.

And then there were four. The remaining lunatics are Newt “Open Marriage” Gingrich, Mitt “15%” Romney, Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum and Ron “Racist” Paul. As soon as Paul quits, America can rest assured that in 2012 there will be “No New Texans”!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Come Monday song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_lL046m1Is

DUMB PERRY

 (sung to the Jimmy Buffett song “Come Monday”)

Heading out from ol’ El Paso
For campaignin’ and making dough
Rick’s got his ten-gallon on
He’s got his Colt 45, now he can lock and load

And Romney, he didn’t know
That he’d be trailing his foe
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie

Yes, Rick Perry is a bummer
Simple talk and lack of brains
And he wants to lead our nation
Some things are hard to explain

His state’s unemployment rolls grow
Its graduation rates are so low
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
An academic haze back in his college days
His degree should have just been denied

Trouble raisin’ money
A hay-chewin’ dumb redneck cow
He’ll get the white vote in Montana
Cuz cowboys love him without a doubt

Rick craves Pennsylvania Ave. scenery
Those gals have nice smellin’ hair
He’ll love bowling on Tuesdays
Not to mention his gubmint health care

San Antonio has worn Rick quite thin
He’ll take care of his oil-drillin’ friends
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie

More Lies At Last Night’s GOP Debate

Last night, the Republican Presidential candidates (what’s left of them, that is) held their 22nd debate thus far. If you missed it don’t worry, they have another one scheduled in just three days and then two more the following week.

By this time, the the remaining contenders Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney, Newt “3 Wives” Gingrich, Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum, Ron “Racist” Paul and Rick “Count to 3″ Perry have essentially already said all they have to say on any issue. Consequently, every debate now is simply a mishmash of each candidate uttering the words “Obamacare”, “socialist”, “taxes”, “Ronald Reagan”, “job creators”, “regulations”, “class warfare”, “abortion”, “entitlements” and “one man and one woman” in between the same old lies and misstatements. Conspicuously missing from virtually all of these debates are the terms “working class” and “middle class”. Hmmm…wonder why?

Because of the numerous and repetitive nature of these Republican debates, fewer and fewer people are actually taking the time to tune in to watch them. To do otherwise would be like watching the same rerun episode of “The Bachelor” over and over again. Simply put, there is very little new and substantive material emerging from each subsequent debate.

Occasionally however, a few new and unique lies and misstatements do surface. But do not worry, we are not suggesting that you watch the debates to learn about all the misinformation the GOP candidates spew out as fact. We will take one for the team (that’s “toftt” in cool computer talk) and watch these charades for you and then identify all the Republican lies and confusion right here. So, here we go. This is all the garbage from last night’s debate in South Carolina.

First of all, we should mention that the audience once again behaved like a group of drunken lunatics who are incapable of controlling their outbursts or whooping and screaming. Their behavior makes the GOP debates seem more like an evangelical revival meeting than a serious political forum. This crazy crowd even took to booing in the middle of questions. One example is when moderator Juan Williams was questioning Mitt Romney about immigration and mentioned that Romney’s father was born in Mexico. Before he could finish the question, “Boos!” came raining down from the audience. What could they possibly have been displeased about at that point, the fact that Romney’s father was born in Mexico or the fact that Williams revealed this truth? At another point, Ron Paul was booed when he said the United States should use “the Golden Rule” – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Can you believe it? This wacky audience was booing “the Golden Rule”. This was very reminiscent of past GOP debate audiences cheering about the uninsured dying from their illnesses and cheering the fact that Rick Perry has executed more people than any other governor. What is next? Will Republican audiences boo the mail-carrier’s motto of “Neither snow nor rain nor gloom of night…”?

As for the lies and misstatements in last night’s debate, The Boston Globe has provided a fine fact-check column on the subject in today’s edition. Mitt Romney, as usual, was the biggest offender. First, Mitt Romney said “This president has opened up no new markets for American goods around the world in his three years, even as European nations and China have opened up 44.” Wrong! In fact, the Globe reminds us that “Obama revived (expired) Bush-administration-era free-trade pacts with South Korea, Panama and Columbia, all passed by Congress in October, in the biggest round of trade liberalization since the North American Free Trade Agreement and other pacts of that era. In particular, the agreement with South Korea is designed to break down barriers between the United States and the world’s 15th-largest economy. The South Korea deal has the potential to create as many as 280,000 American jobs, according to a recent assessment by the staff of the U.S. International Trade Commission, and to boost exports by more than $12 billion.”

Romney also misinformed the American people about his involvement with Bain Capital and his now admittedly false claim that while heading that firm, he created hundreds of thousands of jobs. Last night Romney said, “We invested in well over 100 different businesses. And the people have looked at the places that have added jobs and lost jobs and that record is pretty much available for people to take a close look at.” Not so fast there Mitt. The Globe reports “Romney’s record as a venture capitalist at Bain Capital has been presented by his campaign highly selectively; namely, by detailing several big success stories and ignoring the job losses that resulted from Bain-owned plants and companies that closed or shrank their workforce. His overall record is not even close to being known, because it is so complex. Many of the companies are private, without the public disclosure requirements that big corporations have, and his campaign has not released details.”

A few moments later Romney said, “Three years into office, he doesn’t have a jobs plan.” Wrong yet again! The Globe reports “Obama has proposed several plans intended to spur the economy and create jobs. The most well-known was his stimulus plan, introduced in February 2009, which included about $800 billion in tax cuts and spending. At the end of 2010, Obama struck a deal with GOP congressional leaders on a package intended to stimulate hiring and growth. The deal cut the Social Security payroll tax, which provided about an extra $1,000 a year to an average family. It also extended an unemployment benefits program that provided up to 99 weeks of aid. And in September, Obama introduced his most recent jobs plan, rolling it out in a speech to the full Congress in which he urged Congress to “pass it right away.” It included $450 billion in tax cuts and new spending, including greater cuts to payroll taxes and tax breaks for companies that hire those who’ve been out of work for six months or more.”

Not to be outdone in the misinformation category, Rick Santorum lied about negative campaign ads. He said, “My ads have been positive. The only ad that I’ve ever put up has contrasted myself with the other candidates, and does so in a way talking about issues.” Wrong! The Globe points out that “Santorum is coming out with an ad this week accusing Romney of being “just like Obama” and saying Romney “once bragged he’s even more liberal than Ted Kennedy on social issues,” two negative assertions that go beyond a mere look at issues.”

Of course, when it comes to lying, few people are better than Newt Gingrich. Gingrich was using Chile’s retirement system consisting of private accounts as a model for overhauling our government guaranteed Social Security program. He said “First of all, it’s totally voluntary. If you want to stay in the current system, stay in it. If you are younger and you want to go and take a personal savings account, which would be a Social Security savings account, you can take it.” Wrong! The Globe reveals that “There is nothing voluntary about Chile’s system. It requires that all workers contribute 10 percent of their salaries to private pension plans, plus other fees for insurance, instead of a government program like Social Security.”

Poor Rick Perry just showed once again that he is not intellectually up to the challenge to debate with adults. He foolishly described Turkey — a key US ally and NATO member — as a state “ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists.” This really does not matter however, as Perry will soon drop out of the race like so many other unqualified GOP candidates before him.

Because Rick Perry is about to disappear from the race, we dedicated today’s song parody to the dumbest Texan since George W. Bush.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0

RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)-Rick Perry Version

(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I have no clue
And my brain cells are so very few
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

But I do know one thing that is true
Pilgrims came in 1492
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim to be be an “A” student
Somethings I’ll never be
But maybe my being a “D” student, baby
Lets me revise history

Don’t know much about history
Don’t believe biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Won’t give climate change a second look

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

(Ponzi Scheme break)

And I do know you’ll love Rick Perry
The new brain-trust of the Tea Party
What a right wing world this will be

Bachmann To Leave Presidential Race For Slot On “The Biggest Loser” (Updated)

So what did we learn from the Republican Iowa caucuses? Two things. The deeply flawed GOP Presidential field of candidates is still a mess and Michele Bachmann is unelectable.

The year of Republican indecision was made public last night for the first time when Iowa voters could not choose a candidate to support as their eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Technically, Mitt(wit) Romney was declared the winner of the first in the nation contest, but he won by only a few votes. Romney edged out Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum by only 8 votes and Ron “Racist” Paul finished a close third with 21% of the overall vote. Consequently, all three of those candidates will take seven of the 25 delegates up for grabs in Iowa. That’s right, the Iowa caucuses resulted in a three-way tie for for delegates in the race for 1,144 delegates required to capture the GOP nomination. There was no winner in Iowa and that state’s Republican voters could not manage to coalesce behind and support a single candidate to oppose Barack Obama in the general election.

The rest of the GOP field finished-up as follows. Newt “Freddie Mac” Gingrich (the most recent GOP frontrunner and “flavor of the month” finished fourth with 13% of the vote and Rick “3 Agencies” Perry captured 10%. Michele “HPV Vaccine Causes Mental Retardation” Bachmann and Jon “The Only Sane Adult in the Room” Huntsman each garnered only single digit support with 5% and 1% respectively.

Keep in mind however, that the Iowa caucuses are not a very good indicator of who will be the eventual Republican nominee. In 1980, George H.W. Bush finished ahead of Ronald Reagan. In 1988 Bob Dole beat George H. W. Bush and in 2008 Mike Huckabee bested John McCain. Hence, in the big picture, Iowa means very little when it comes to picking Presidential nominees. Consequently, the 2012 Republican game of “Presidential Musical Chairs” is likely to continue with a new frontrunner emerging in almost every primary election. The bottom line is that Republican voters do not care too much for any of their candidates. It is anybody’s guess as to which one of these unqualified clowns will eventually emerge as Obama’s opponent in the general election.

One thing is clear however. Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann are likely to drop out soon. Perry at one time was looked upon as the savior of the GOP by the evangelical conservative voting bloc who want anybody other than Mitt Romney. Upon entering the race, Perry shot to the top spot but quickly vaporized when the public realized that he was dumber than George W. Bush. Remember when he couldn’t name the three federal agencies that he wanted to disband? How about when he gave that speech in New Hampshire in which he appeared to be drunk or overly medicated? Here is a little reminder:

Michele Bachmann? It should have been apparent to everybody with a pulse that she was unqualified from the very day that she announced her candidacy. Bachmann is the moonbat-crazy Tea Party darling who claims that the legendary “Shot Heard Round The World” which started the American Revolutionary War was fired from New Hampshire. She also foolishly stated that the Founding Fathers “worked tirelessly to end slavery.” She also said that judges instruct little children “to learn that homosexuality is normal and natural and perhaps they should try it.” She claims “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.” She said, “But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” She claimed that our new health care law would allow “that someone’s 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus. That night, mom and dad are never the wiser.” She said, “We’re running out of rich people in this country” and that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation! It would appear that Michele Bachmann is the one suffering from mental retardation.

The Iowa results confirm that Bachmann is not a viable candidate. As the result of her earlier Ames Straw Poll victory in the state, she went “all in” on the Iowa Caucuses. She spent countless hours and resources campaigning there and repeated ad nauseam that she was born in Iowa. Her efforts were fruitless. By receiving only 5% of the vote, she earned the title as “The Biggest Loser”. Despite the fact that evangelical conservative Republicans will vote for most anybody in an attempt to deny Mitt Romney the nomination, even they will not support Michele Bachmann (or Rick Perry).

UPDATE: Bachmann quit today. Ahhh Michele we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Bette Davis Eyes” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifDycyRNpcI

MICHELE BACHMANN EYES

 (sung to the Kim Carnes song “Bette Davis Eyes”)

Her hair is wild and bold
Her breath smells like fries
Her hands are always cold
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes
She’s a Tea Party pawn
And she never thinks twice
She’s running out of dough
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes

And she’ll fleece you
She’ll displease you
With no substance, she’ll just tease you
She’s atrocious
And we knows just what it
Takes to make this ‘Ho blush
She wants to embargo seven guys
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes

She’s out there all alone
Confused and so uptight
Don’t listen to her drone
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes
She’s made a fumble or two
Misspoken more than twice
Staffers quit on her too
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes

And she’ll fleece you
She’ll displease you
With no substance, she’ll just tease you
She’s atrocious
And we knows just what it
Takes to make this ‘Ho blush
She wants to embargo seven guys
She’s got Bette Davis eyes

She’ll tease you
She’ll unease you
Just to squeeze you
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes

She’ll confuse you
And she’ll lose you
(fade to end)

Crazy Palin Advises GOP Candidates On New Year’s Eve

Sarah Palin celebrates New Year's Eve in Wasilla, Alaska.

The publicity hound known as Sarah Palin has emerged yet again on this, the last day of 2011. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has published a column in the Washington Post in which she gives advice to the insane clown posse of candidates for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

Think about that for a moment. As if the wacky and unqualified GOP field of candidates have not already embarrassed themselves enough already, they should now take advise from the wacky and unqualified Alaskan who proved to be the downfall of John McCain’s Presidential campaign in 2008? If such is the case, then it is evident that today’s Republican Party exists in some sort of alternative universe wherein up is down and good is bad and day is night.

What is worse however, is Palin’s actual advice. In a year-end effort to rake-in a little extra cash, she instructs the GOP candidates to buy her book. She says,

“Given the concerns I have for some of the Republican field’s focus thus far, I must implore the candidates to do something that sounds self-promoting, but whatever. Candidates, please turn to Chapter Three of “Going Rogue” and read what it takes for our country to step toward energy independence. Note the lesson I share in the same chapter about taking on the “elite,” the crony capitalists and the permanent political establishment to get a job done”

She then follows up by immediately contradicting herself. In her next paragraph she writes,

“Understand how the left’s terrifyingly naive assault on American industry exposes us to the mercy of foreign regimes whose prime objective is, at worst, our permanent demise and, at best, is stripping away our freedom.”

Didn’t Palin first say that the “crony capitalists” were the problem? Aren’t the crony capitalists those same American industries that exert unlimited influence on Congress through their highly compensated K Street lobbyists? As a result of that influence, don’t the corporate capitalist cronies gain political influence over our economy which is denied to the people? What is Palin’s point?

Her advice gets even more superficial and absurd when she says that the “prime objective” of “foreign regimes” is, at best, “stripping away our freedom”. How are foreign regimes stripping away our freedom? Of course Palin fails to provide any substantiation whatsoever for that crazy allegation.

Here’s hoping the flip-flopping duo of Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich, and the moonbat-crazy trio of  Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul heed Palin’s advise and thereby hasten their self-imposed political implosions. That would leave the only somewhat sane and adult GOP candidate in the room to move forward. Jon Huntsman would at least be a credible candidate and the general election campaign could then focus on the important issues and not simple broad talking points about “love of country” and “compassionate conservatism” and “mavericky mayhem”.

Please enjoy this New Year’s related song parody until we see you again next year. Here’s wishing a happy and healthy 2012 to all of you!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s New Year’s Eve inspired song parody.

Same Auld Lang Syne song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmdFgFyhnk

SAME OLD LAME WHINE

(sung to the Dan Fogelberg song “Same Auld Lang Syne”)

Met Sarah Palin at a Walmart store
She was shoplifting like a thief
There was no sign of kids or the “First Dude”
‘Cuz Sarah brings home the beef

I recoiled from her aging face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She knew I saw the moose meat in her purse
And then she just fibbed and lied

I said I was not a security man
And then Sarah Palin was glad
She lacked any sense of embarrassment
At the thought that she was bagged

I asked if we could have a drink or two
Cuz she was such a rising star
We met “Joe Sixpack” at the liquor store
And we three went to a bar

We drank a toast to ignorance
She was a toasted cow
She tried to explain her head’s emptiness
But she did not know how

She said she’s married to a derelict
Who can’t keep a job if he tried
She would have like to say she loved the man
But she couldn’t stand the guy

I said “death panels” were the end for her
That she could turn a Red-State Blue
And did she fear her would-be son-in-law?
She just said, “Lynn, F_ _ _  you”

She said she hated all the pro-choice whores
And that she hoped they’d go to Hell
I asked if Coulter was a “he” or “she”?
Palin said she could not tell

She toasted her omnipotence
And asked us all to bow
I said, “so long and good riddance,
I must be leaving now”

Then one last toast to ignorance
Cuz it was closing time
She lacks a sense of eloquence
But has that old lame whine

The beers were empty and our tongues were tired
Another book signing today
She put her hat on and hopped on her broom
And I watched her fly away

She graduated from a “safety school”
So she has no-one else to blame
There’s no intelligence inside her dome
That’s why she is so lame.

GOP Candidates Lie During Debate

When will the clowns seeking the Republican presidential nomination ever realize that their lies will be exposed? In this day of the internet and audio and video tape, a person’s veracity can be ascertained almost immediately. Why is it then, that the GOP candidates continue to make blatantly false statements?

The answer is simple. They know that their audience of Fox News addicts will never be correctly informed about their lies. Fox News is simply the propaganda arm of the Republican Party and consequently that station not only enables, but joins in on the spreading of GOP talking-point misinformation. Case in point is this wonderful Fox News graph regarding the unemployment rate since President Obama has been elected. Notice how the November 2011 rate of 8.6% is shown graphically as being higher than the February 2011 rate of 8.9% and the March 2011 rate of 8.8%. Indeed, the Fox News graph shows Novembers 8.6% rate as being even with October’s 9.0% rate. Quite deceiving, yet it furthers the Fox News goal of making Obama look bad despite facts to the contrary.

Last night’s Republican primary debate was broadcasted and moderated by Fox News. Therefore, please do not expect any fact checking by Fox News in the next few days. Not to worry however, CNN has done the fact checking for us. That media outlet is actually unbiased, so it exposed the lies of both Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann.

First, Newt Gingrich said, “I balanced the budget for four straight years, paid off $405 billion in debt, pretty conservative.” He was lying of course. CNN revealed that According to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office, the nation ran a deficit in 1995 (-$164 billion), 1996 (-$107.4 billion) and 1997 (-$21.9 billion). It ran a surplus in 1998 ($69.3 billion) and 1999 ($125.6 billion) all while Gingrich served as Speaker of the House. To make matters even worse, the national debt on the day Gingrich was sworn in as speaker was $4.8 trillion. Four years later, it was $5.6 trillion, an increased debt of $800 billion, according to the U.S. Treasury website. So, “No Newt, you did not balance the budget for four straight years or come close to paying off $405 billion in debt.”

Michele Bachmann did not fare much better. She said “We have an IAEA report that just recently came out that said, literally, Iran is within just months of being able to obtain that (nuclear) weapon.” Ron Paul responded immediately that her assertion was false, but she stuck with it. The fact is that the IAEA report does not say that Iran is within months of being able to obtain a nuclear weapon. Bachmann too is spreading false information.

There is not much to say about the performance of the other candidates in terms of “truthiness”. Romney was civil. Huntsman and Santorum were as invisible as ever. Ron Paul was noticeable only because he demonstratively opposed the mainstream Republican desire for more wars. Rick Perry however, provided some levity to the event when he described himself as the “Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.” Perry of course was comparing his ineptitude in debates to Tebow’s perceived poor mechanics as a football quarterback who manages to win games despite his style. Unfortunately for Perry, his failings are irreparable.

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpPdl0StUVs

HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY PERRY WISH-LIST

 (sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Have Yourself A Very Merry Christmas”)

Have yourself a merry Perry wish-list
Rick loves the far right
He loves you, if you are Christian, rich and white

Have yourself a merry Perry wish-list (merry Perry wish-list)
That’s if you’re not gay (that’s if you’re not gay)
If you are, then simply pray that gay away

Rick Perry loves those olden days
Church-beholden days of yore
All those blacks that were near to us
In the rear of bus for sure

Tea-Baggers will vote for Rick together
Jews are not allowed
Muslims too are barred and for that Rick is proud
So have yourself a merry Perry wish-list now

(Rick Perry loves those olden days
Church-beholden days of yore
All those blacks that were near to us
In the rear of bus for sure)

Souvenirs of us and Rick together
He’s our sacred cow
Rick is our God on earth in the here and now
So have yourself a merry Perry wish-list now

Perry wish-list
Perry wish-list

Santorum Hopes For A Gift From Santa Palin!

Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has a couple of wishes this Christmas Season. Santorum of course, is presently just an “also ran” in the clown-car full of GOP nominee hopefuls. In fact, that cab of crazies may not even have enough room for Santorum what with the likes of Michele “HPV = Mental Retardation” Bachmann, Ron “Fort Knox is Empty” Paul, Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney, Rick “3 Agencies” Perry, Newt “Freddie Mac” Gingrich and Jon “Who?” Huntsman. Then again, Santorum may be able to squeeze himself into the rumble seat once occupied by Herman “Player” Cain. Nonetheless, Rick Santorum is hopeful and seeking a few blessings this month.

It is a desperate sense of hope however, because the things that Santorum is hoping for are the sort of things only a frantic person would desire. Wish number 1? Rick Santorum is hoping that Sarah Palin will throw him a bone. Remember Sarah Palin? She was the self-promoting, book-selling, bus-touring, tea-partying, reality television-starring Fox News contributor. She was also the failed Republican Vice Presidential nominee and former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. Well, Santorum sees her as “Santa Palin” and he is hoping she will drop down his chimney with a coveted present in the next week or so bearing a gift.

Is Santorum so bold as to expect a full fledged endorsement from Santa Palin? Not so much. While appearing on Fox News (where else?) last Sunday, Santorum said he would gladly take “any help” at all from Palin. He cited the fact that the “Queen of Quit” has often commended his “ideological consistency”. Palin has been correct in doing so because Santorum has never once wavered from his contention that gay marriage leads to sex with dogs. Of Palin, Santorum said,

“I reached out to her just to thank her for her kind comments and said I appreciate any help that she could give us. She was very kind in responding and she’s gonna make her decision as to when she’s gonna endorse or if she’s going to endorse, but I did not reach out to her before she made the kind comments about me.”

But why would Santorum want an endorsement or “any help” from Sarah Palin? She is after all,  yesterday’s news and today’s laughing-stock. Indeed while appearing on Fox News (where else) just last week Palin said, “I think my personal endorsement probably doesn’t amount to a hill of beans today, at this point in the race.” For once Sarah Palin has spoken the truth.

Oh yes, what was Rick Santorum’s 2nd Holiday wish? He hopes that nobody Googles his last name. Hint, hint.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune (if you are from Mars) and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday Season inspired song parody.

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvD9TkNlk_I

SARAH THE RED STATE BIMBO

(sung to the theme of “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer”)

You know Paris and Lindsay and Charo and Britney
Nicole, Ivana and Jessica Simpson
But do you recall the most famous bimbo of all?

Sarah the Red State bimbo
Had a very strange hairstyle
And she had a way of speaking
That reminded one of Gomer Pyle

All of the other guv’nors
Used to laugh and call her names
Because her stupid glasses
Were all lens but had no frames

Then one balmy summer day
John McCain enquired
Sarah, you’re so “mavericky”
Won’t you please be my V.P.?

Then all the dumb red staters
Wondered who the hell was she
They never heard of Palin
The Alaskan hillbilly

(Hilarious bumbling televised interview break)

Sarah the red state bimbo
Dressed like a flight attendant ‘ho
And she told lies so often
We could all watch her nose grow

All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names
They all knew Sarah Palin
Was a gal that had no brains

Then one balmy July day
They heard Sarah say,
“I won’t give up without a fight”,
“Unless I quit my job tonight”

Then how right-wingers loved her
As they shouted out with glee
“Sarah, the red state bimbo”
“you’ll go down in history”

GOP Flavor Of The Month Gingrich Leaves Bitter Aftertaste

The Republican Presidential candidate flavor of the week has just taken on a decidedly bitter aftertaste. First it was Sarah Palin that conservatives wanted as their Presidential nominee, then it was Michele Bachmann who titillated the Tea Party. When Palin elected not to run and it became evident that Bachmann was unelectable because she is moonbat-crazy, the Republican base turned to Chris Christie and Rick Perry as their taste du-jour. Like Palin however, Christie decided not to run and Perry lost favor the moment he opened his mouth at debates. Next up was Herman Cain. Unfortunately, he also left a bad taste in the mouths of conservatives when his series of unfortunate events (raising taxes on the working class, multiple sexual harassment claim and ignorance of foreign policy) unfolded. Consequently, Republicans have now turned their lonely eyes to Newt Gingrich. Unfortunately (for the GOP and Gingrich), he too is now quickly souring.

It is now more than obvious that Republicans are turning over every stone in an attempt to unearth a nominee other than the despised Mitt Romney. Nonetheless, it does not look like Newt Gingrich is “The One”. He jumped to the top of the GOP list only after the five aforementioned saviors imploded. It is understandable why he was their sixth choice. After all, Newt Gingrich was the only Speaker of the House in history to be sanctioned while in office for an ethics violation. It is also remarkable that he was driven from the speakership position and also his seat in the House of Representatives by his own Republican Party. Additionally, It was recently discovered that the self-described fiscal conservative ran up a nearly $1 million credit bill at toney Tiffany & Co. jewelers while simultaneously his campaign is nearly $1 million in debt. Shortly thereafter, his entire senior campaign staff abruptly quit on him.

This week, things got even worse for Newt Gingrich. Gingrich has long been running along the campaign trail blaming (unjustifiably) pseudo-governmental Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for the mortgage meltdown which collapsed our economy in 2007. Indeed, on October 11, 2011 he went so far as to say,

“If you want to put people in jail… You ought to start with Barney Frank and Chris Dodd. And let’s look at the politicians who created the environment, the politicians who profited from the environment, and the politicians who put this country in trouble. In Barney Frank’s case, go back and look at the lobbyists he was close to at Freddie Mac.”

By the way, here is Barney Frank’s response to Gingrich’s statement:

Damming words. Unfortunately for Newt Gingrich, it was just discovered that he was one of those Freddie Mac lobbyists or consultants. Bloomberg reported on Tuesday that Gingrich was hired to gain GOP support on Capitol Hill as the government-backed mortgage company came under fire during the subprime mortgage meltdown. CNN also confirmed that “Gingrich Group was paid between $1.6 million and $1.8 million to lobby Republicans in Congress on behalf of the government-backed mortgage lender.” The payments to Gingrich were made during two periods – from 1999 to 2002 and 2006 to 2008. CNN reports that a former official who worked for Freddie Mac during both of Gingrich’s stints, claims that Gingrich was consulted about Freddie’s efforts to become more transparent about “risk and capital management” procedures, risk information disclosure, and how those efforts would be received in Congress, specifically by Republicans. The official went on to say that during his first stint, Freddie Mac wanted to “bond” with Bush administration officials on the idea of creating a “home ownership society” – getting more Latinos and other minorities into home ownership – and worked with Gingrich on that.

It sure looks like Newt Gingrich has some ‘splainin’ to do!

Stay tuned for the upcoming announcement of the newest Republican Presidential flavor of the week. Who will it be? Ron Paul? Rick Santorum? Jon Huntsman? One thing is certain however, it will not be the all but certain eventual nominee, Mitt Romney.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I Am Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg

I AM GINGRICH

(sung to the Helen Reddy song “I Am Woman”)

I am Gingrich, hear me snore
The G.O.P. showed me the door
In ’98, I was thrown out on my rear end
‘cause I called for a class war
When Clinton dallied with that whore
So what if I also had a lady friend

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

Now I’ve shown you that I’m tasteless
By calling Sonia a racist
When I’m the guy that bloviates on ghettos
My lies will grow much stronger
And my nose will grow much longer
When I start to call Sotomayor a “Hoe”

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

I am Gingrich don’t you know
Democrats know that I blow
Fox News spreads my fat visage across the land
And I’ll use those embryos
And those nameless “baby does”
If it helps me to advance my final stand

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I am wrong (wrong)
And I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich
Oh, I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong

(Fading)
I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong
I am Gingrich

Like Rick Perry, Heraman Cain Is Simply Too Stupid To Be President!

Last week, we pointed out the numerous reasons why Republican Presidential candidate Rick Perry is too stupid to be the President of the United States. We highlighted his inability to speak articulately in a debate as demonstrated by his childlike  on-stage arguments with Mott Romney and his “oops moment” of being unable to name one of the Cabinet agencies he would abolish. We also mentioned his bizarre New Hampshire stump speech wherein his speech was slurred, he made crazy faces and made odd references. In fact, he generally made no sense at all. It appeared that he was either drunk or overly medicated. When you add in the fact that he was placed on academic probation while attending Texas A&M, it is easy to see that of the two, George W. Bush was even smarter than Rick Perry. By the way, that isn’t saying much for the intelligence of Texas Governors.

This week we have a different dunce to discuss. Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain is now giving Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann (to be addressed in an upcoming post) a run for their money in the Stupid Race. Thus far Cain has released his 9-9-9 tax plan which included a 9% national sales tax. When it was revealed that the sales tax was a regressive tax on the poor and working/middle class, the non-economist architect of the plan admitted that the sales tax must be slashed. Thereafter, it was determined that the Cain plan would guarantee tax reductions to the super wealthy while raising taxes on approximately 80% of the population who are not so fortunate to be included in that category. Then, during an interview on PBS’ NewsHour, Cain warned that China has indicated it is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” Unbeknownst to Cain, China has had nuclear weapons since 1964. Cain has also stated that he could imagine a situation in which he would negotiate with terrorists if he were President.  All of this shows that Cain’s grasp of knowledge of tax policy and foreign policy is tenuous at best.

This week, Herman Cain’s grip was severed completely. In a very illustrative post, NPR.org revealed the most recent example of Cain’s complete lack of understanding of foreign policy. NPR reveals that during an interview with the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on Monday, Cain demonstrated “a flamboyant confusion over his position on Libya.” Here is how NPR explained it:

In a meeting Milwaukee Journal Sentinel staff members, a journalist asked the Republican presidential candidate a question that wasn’t exactly one of those “gotcha” queries. Paraphrasing, the question was: Do you agree or not with President Obama’s Libya policy?

“OK, Libya,” Cain said closing his eyes, then looking up, then leaning forward, a man clearly trying to summon up from somewhere in his brain that Libya stuff.

After several seconds, some facts seemed to come to him, sort of. But he didn’t appear certain.

With the deliberateness of a skater testing the thickness of pond ice in early winter, he spoke slowly without any of the verve or certainty he would have had if the question had been about, say, his 9-9-9 plan.

CAIN: “President Obama —- supported the uprising, correct? President Obama called for the removal of Gadhaffi. I just want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing before I say ‘Yes, I agree’ or ‘No, I didn’t agree.

“I do not agree with the way he handled it for the following reasons. Umm. No that’s a different one. “I’ve got to go back to see. I’ve got all this stuff twirling around in my head.”

Then he has an idea. How about buying some more time by asking the journalist to clarify:

CAIN: “Specifically, what are you asking me did I disagree or not agree with Obama?”

The journalist restates and elaborates on the question, ending with “How would you have handled it?”

CAIN: “Here’s what I would have done differently. I would have done a better job of determining who the opposition is. And I’m sure that our intelligence people had some of that information. Based upon who made up that opposition, might’ve caused me to make some different decisions about how we participate. Secondly, no I did not agree with Gadhaffi killing his citizens.

“Absolutely not. So something would have had to have been, I would have supported many of the things that they did in order to help stop that. It’s not a simple yes-no because there are different pieces and I would have gone about assessing the situation differently which might have caused us to end up in the same place. But where I think more could have been done was what’s the nature of the opposition.”

Shortly after this, however, Cain badly contradicts himself. He has been criticizing Obama for not thoroughly assessing the situation but then acknowledges he has no idea what kind of assessment Obama and his national security team conducted.

The moment comes when a second journalist asks Cain if he would have backed away from U.S. involvement in Libya due to the uncertainties he cited about the Libyan opposition’s composition or the way forward. Cain again says he couldn’t give a yes-no answer because “all of those things should have been assessed.”

To which the journalist asks: “You don’t think they were assessed?”

CAIN: “I don’t know that they were or were not assessed. I didn’t see reports of that assessment.”

Let’s be unequivocal about this folks, Herman Cain does not even have a rudimentary knowledge of foreign policy. In a knee-jerk response to any question about a tactic or policy of the Obama Administration, he will automatically oppose whatever it is that Obama has said or done without having any ideas of his own as to what should have been said or done in the alternative. Such a characteristic shows only bullheadedness and not careful thought. That is exactly the type of presidency we had for 8 years under George W. Bush and we are continuing to suffer the disastrous consequences of that man’s knee-jerk actions of tax cuts, deregulation and war to this very day. We do not need a repeat performance under a Herman Cain presidency which would also be likely to include a growing list of sexual misconduct allegations.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

One After 9-0-9 song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TipfIUP1kAE

THE ONE AFTER 9-9-9

 (sung to the Beatles song “One After 9-0-9”)

Rick Perry says he’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
He says, “Move over Herman, the best damn tax plan is mine”
He says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay a price”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

Cain’s plan has got to go cuz his sales tax is a penalty
Herm loves foolin’ round but never fool around with me
Rick says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay twice”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

I love to brag ‘bout my creation
My objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is my bag, mine alone
I hope I ain’t,  got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

(drinking and/or medication break)

Rick loves to brag ‘bout his creation
The objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is his bag, Romney clone
Bet your ass, he got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9


Simply Stated, Rick Perry Is Too Stupid To Be President

The Republican Presidential field of candidates is fast becoming the most unqualified and ridiculous bunch of coconuts to ever fall out of the tree. Here is what some pundits are saying. “As a Republican, I am panicking”, said Debra Saunders of the San Francisco Chronicle. Philip Klein of the WashingtonExaminer.com says the field is “incredibly weak” and the candidates are variously “uninspiring, unserious, unprepared, dishonest, unreliable, inexperienced, inconsistent or ideologically malleable,” and not one of them “seems up to the task at hand.” George Will of The Washington Post adds, “has conservatism really come so far, surmounting so many obstacles, to settle, at a moment of economic crisis, for this?”

Consider what we have witnessed even before a single primary vote has been cast. The self-described fiscal conservative Newt Gingrich was discovered to have approximately $1 million in credit charges at upscale jeweler Tiffany & Co. while his campaign is simultaneously approximately $1 million in debt. Ron Paul has advocated that people without health insurance should either rely on the charity of friends or die from lack of medical treatment. Mitt Romney continues to flip-flop by changing his positions on issues on a near daily basis and he believes that “corporations are people.” Rick Santorum believes that the certain result of same sex marriages is sex with dogs. Michele Bachmann believes that the HPV vaccination causes mental retardation and she also believes that her crop of uber-conservative GOP rivals are “frugal socialists.” Herman Cain has more sexual harassment charges levied against him than Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson combined and nobody knows who Jon Huntsman is.

The biggest joke of all however, is Rick Perry. This guy’s ten gallon hat is simply filled with ten gallons of dumb. Take for example, his bizarre stump speech antics last Friday in New Hampshire. His speech was slurred. He made crazy faces. He made odd references. Often times he made no sense at all. It appeared that he was either drunk or overly medicated. It was sad to see a potential Presidential nominee in this condition. It was even more tragic to think that a person such as this could aspire to occupy the highest office in the United States.

Things got even worse at the Republican debate which followed. Perry simply made a fool of himself in front of his GOP opponents, the moderators, the live audience and the television audience. The Texas Governor was asked a question about his tax and spending plan — but completely blew the answer by looking like a complete fool. Perry was listing the three Cabinet agencies he wants to abolish — and forgot the third one. Here is how it transpired:

  • Perry:  And I will tell you it is three agencies of government when i get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see…Okay. Commerce, Education, and the —”
  • Romney:  EPA?
  • Perry:  EPA, there you go.
  • Moderator:  Seriously, is EPA the one you are talking about?
  • Perry:  No sir, no, sir. We are talking about the  – agencies of government – EPA needs to be rebuilt.
  • Moderator:  You can’t – you can’t name the third one?
  • Perry:  The third agency of government I would – I would do away with education, the Commerce…Commerce and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.

Stick a fork in Rick Perry because, like Herman Cain, he is done!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0

RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)-Rick Perry Version

(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I have no clue
And my brain cells are so very few
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

But i do know one thing that is true
Pilgrims came in 1492
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim to be be an “A” student
Somethings I’ll never be
But maybe my being a “D” student, baby
Lets me revise history

Don’t know much about history
Don’t believe biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Won’t give climate change a second look

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

(Ponzi Scheme break)

And I do know you’ll love Rick Perry
The new brain-trust of the Tea Party
What a right wing world this will be

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