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Ann “The Man” Coulter Flip-Flops On Mitt “Midas” Romney

How predictable radical reich-wing conservative pundits can be. They bash a Republican candidate and then they embrace the same candidate when he is the last one standing. Case in point: Ann Coulter.

Just one year ago the uber-conservative Coulter told the CPAC crowd, “If we don’t run Chris Christie, Romney will be the nominee and we will lose.”

Coulter has now (in some sort of weird Romney-like mimic) flip-flopped. He claims that Mitt Romney has the “Midas Touch”. Yesterday while appearing as a guest on ABC’s “This Week with George Stephanopoulos”, Ann Coulter proclaimed, “Romney has had a Midas touch with everything he has done”, including his job as Governor of Massachusetts. “It is not just Bain,” he continued, “it is everything he touches.”

Watch it here: http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201206100002

What a monumental flip-flop. Does this Coulter guy think that we do not have videotape of his CPAC proclamation? Of course, Coulter’s praise for Romney avoided any mention of the fact that while Governor, Massachusetts ranked 47th in the nation in job creation.  He also failed to mention that while Governor, Romney vastly increased taxes on Massachusetts’ working/middle class residents by raising nearly every fee paid by citizens for government services such as drivers licenses, auto registrations, recording of deeds and 83 others. In total, Romney’s fee increases and increased taxes exceeded $ 740 million per year.

But really, what else could we expect from a guy like Ann Coulter? Let’s watch some of the insanity this fella demonstrates (some of the language is not fit for children):

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Lola song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVXmMMSo47s

COULTER

(sung to the Kinks song “Lola”)

I saw her once last week on the Fox network
Where the hosts are lame and the guests are worse like Ann Coulter
She is a revolter
A big Adam’s Apple and masculine hands
She has the curves of a flagpole and a set of big huge molars
M-o-l-a molars mo-mo-mo-mo molars

It might be the world’s most unfunny joke
But if he’s a lady then my glasses are broke
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why he walks like a woman but looks like a man
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Well he sat right next to Hannity
And then was on Bill O’Reilly
They saw mascara on his eyes so blue
But I swear those guys didn’t have a damn clue
Well I don’t know if they are into men
But the next night on Fox he was on there again that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

I changed the station
M-S-N-B-C
Re-luct-ant-ly
I then turned back to Fox
Then I was convinced she was a he

Well I don’t know what ol Rush Limbaugh thinks
But I like women, not some missing link-like Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter’s
he says that her wisdom sells his books
It’s gotta be somethin’ cuz it ain’t his good looks that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter

I took a closer look at Hannity
Now I’m not really so sure that he’s not a she
But this might be the Republican way
A sex change is good cuz then you’re not gay

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
And I do not possess giant, hairy man-hands
Like that Mann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

(fade)

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Limbaugh’s Lies Exposed By Ed Schultz

Another bevy of Rush Limbaugh lies was exposed yesterday. MSNBC host Ed Schultz played a portion of Limbaugh’s radio show during which the drug-addled racist alleged that “ignorant and uninformed voters” elected President Obama. Limbaugh went on to say that Democrats were trying to dumb-down students in school to brainwash them. He continued by saying “anyone who cares about the country and is informed would not vote for Obama” and “the uninformed voter is a target Democrat Party audience.”

Ed Schultz however, would have none of it. On the segment of his nightly television program titled “Psychotalk”, Schultz exposed Limbaugh’s lies. He started by showing that it is the Republicans who actually attempt to dumb-down students. He provided the example of Texas Republicans who fought to change social studies text books to be more conservative and to omit certain progressive policies and ideals of Thomas Jefferson and other important figures.

Schultz also showed that misinformation is “actually the cornerstone of Republican election strategy.” As an example, he cited the recent Fairleigh Dickinson University study which stated, “Some [media] outlets, especially Fox News, lead people to be even less informed than those who say they don’t watch any news at all.” he then played video clips of Fox News’ Megyn Kelly saying that pepper spray “is a food product” and Sean Hannity claiming that the new health care law contains “death panels.” Most enlightening of all however, was a clip of Fox News’ Gretchen Carlson discussing a theory that “aliens could kill us” if earth does not stop global warming!

Schultz concluded by saying that Fox News viewers are the most uninformed and studies have revealed that 78% of those viewers are Republicans. Consequently, he showed that it is, in fact, the Republican voters who are uninformed.

This should not be news to any of us. Just last week we posted this Fox News chart which suggests that November 2011’s 8.6% unemployment rate is actually higher than the February 2011 8.9% rate and the March 2011 8.8% rate.

It is also informative to note that the non-partisan fact-checking organization known as PolitiFact.com provided this partial list of Fox News misinformation:

  1. Fox said less than 10% of Obama’s Cabinet appointees have worked in the private sector. – False
  2. Fox said, White House Political Director served as right-hand man to the ACORN chief – False
  3. Fox said Texas Board of Education may eliminate  references to Christmas and the Constitution from textbooks – False
  4. Fox said Health Care Reform is a govt. takeover of health care – False and the PolitiFact 2010 “Lie of the Year”
  5. Fox said the Muslim Brotherhood has openly stated that they want to  declare  war on Israel – False
  6. Fox said American troops have never been under the formal control of another nation – False
  7. Fox said Gov. Rick Scott’s approval ratings have climbed since election – False
  8. Fox said Massachusetts’ health care plan is wildly unpopular among state residents – False
  9. Fox said there’s been more debt under Obama than all other presidents combined – False
  10. Fox said Health care bill includes death panels – False and the PolitiFact  2009 “Lie of the Year”
  11. Fox said  “Cash For Clunkers” will give govt. complete access to your home computer – False
  12. Fox said halting Gulf drilling costs $8 Billion a day in imports – False
  13. Fox said Democrats plan largest tax increase in history – False
  14. Fox said Eric holder was involved in the dismissal of criminal charges against New Black panthers – False
  15. Fox said Obama voted “present” in the U.S. Senate quite often – False
  16. Fox said John Holdren proposed forced abortions and putting sterilants in drinking water – False
  17. Fox said labor union president Andy Stern is most frequent visitor at white house – False
  18. Fox said America is the only country with automatic citizenship upon birth – False
  19. Fox said O’Reilly never called George tiller a baby killer only reporting what others called him – False
  20. Fox said only fox news picked up that Anita Dunn said mao was one of her favorite philosophers – False and
  21. Fox said nobody at Fox news ever said you’re going to jail if you don’t buy health insurance – False

Limbaugh the Liar has been exposed yet again!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Hark The Herald Angels Sing song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbdvo019mgM

HARK, THE DITTOHEADS DO SING

(sung to the Amy Grant version of “Hark The Herald Angels Sing”)

Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”
On the left he is reviled
Cuz he behaves like a child
On those islands where he flies
With Viagra he does rise
His tired old act is just a game
Intended to bring him fame
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

When Rush speaks he only lies
Unlike Beck he does not cry
Rush has an expansive girth
He is shaped like planet earth
Former wives have numbered three
He prefers his Oxy-C
Right-wing drivel he does sell
From his brainless empty shell
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

(Viagra-chomping break)

He calls his show the E.I.B.
It’s all about me, me, me
Of his fame, he often sings
While taking credit for all things
Yet, by most he is ignored
Like a little mouse that roared
With nothing beneath his dome
He emits a rabid foam
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on April 14, 2010. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s Tax Day Tea Party rally in Boston.

Palin’s Boston Tea Party Bombs!

The same outfit worn in Boston today.

Although Fox News will report that attendance was in the millions, the actual head count for Sarah Palin’s Tea-Bagger rally on Boston Common today was approximately 1000 (including protesters). Let’s put that in perspective. The population of metropolitan Boston is 4.5 million and only 1000 bothered to see Sarah Palin on a bright sunny Spring day with temperatures in the mid sixties . More people than that show up on a daily basis at Boston Common to watch a squirrel and a pigeon fight over a discarded pretzel. The television coverage of NECN embarrassingly showed a lot more green grass than human beings on the Common.

Palin protesters were present. Many were sporting signs which said, “Health Care Reform. No Thanks To Palin”. Another read, “Hey Sarah, Family Values = 30 Million Newly Insured Americans”. We will update with more on the protest signs as we learn more. One of the Tea-Baggers held a sign which said, “Remember When Dissent Was Patriotic?”, only it was misspelled as “Dessent”. How appropriate and predictable.

Palin was dressed in a red leather jacket with a flag button (as usual). She said that husband Todd was with her and that he liked this type of tea party more than the ones he was forced to attend with other first ladies when he was the “First Dude”. The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska spoke only for about 20 minutes. It was the usual nonsense drivel in which she criticized the current administration without offering even one single alternative policy initiative. She claimed that “radical” changes like the health care reform law and student loan reforms have alienated our allies. Huh? She uttered her tiresome refrain that “Bostonians, like the rest of America will continue to cling to our Constitution, our guns and our religion”. Of course, Palin did not realize that Massachusetts favors and harbors some of the most strict gun laws in the nation. Sarah Palin needs to do some homework about the venues where she speaks. Next, she said that “the government works for the people, not the other way around”. Perhaps she should ask the millions of federal, state and municipal employees about that doozy. In rapid succession she then said, “nu-cue-ler” “drill baby, drill” and “Ya betcha”. The best part of her speech was that the amplifiers cut out repeatedly such that most of the small crowd could not hear a word that she spoke. The rally was scheduled to last until 1:00 pm but the crowd was gone by 11:25 am.

At one point, Ms. Quittypants attempted to rev up the quiet gathering by claiming that she had a personal connection to Boston. She claimed to have been on a youth hockey trip here when she met 1980 Olympic hockey captain and champion, Mike Eruzione. Problem is, Palin forgot his first name and completely mispronounced his last name. Of course Mike Eruzione (the good Democrat that he is) was not present at the rally. Then again, neither was newly elected nudist Republican Senator Scott Brown, Republican gubernatorial candidate Charles Baker or Republican congressional candidate Jeffrey Perry. The Massachusetts Republican candidates (few that there are) realize that Sarah Palin and her violent yet silly rhetoric is toxic to their election chances.

Sarah Palin was introduced to the tiny audience by local uber-conservative talk radio host and columnist for the Boston Herald (Enquirer). Michael Graham. Graham airs his acerbic daily radio show on Boston’s WTKK (affectionately known as WKKK as the result of its almost entirely right wing lineup). It is interesting to note that Graham drew criticism from blogs on the Left and the Right for comments about Bill and Hillary Clinton made on CNN Headline News’ Glenn Beck Show on June 20, 2007. Referring to a Clinton campaign ad based on the final episode of The Sopranos, Graham said “…didn’t you at some point want to see, like, Paulie Walnuts, somebody come in here and just whack them both right there? Wouldn’t that have been great?…Come on! Where’s “Big Pussy”? Come on! Let’s make it happen…I wanted that.” Graham adores and advocates gun violence as much as his hero Sarah Palin.

Thankfully, the response to this version of the Boston Tea Party was tepid.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Fox News Manufactures A Fake “War On Halloween”

Fox News will do anything to avoid reporting on newsworthy events. In the last week Libya’s terrorist/dictator Colonel Moammar Gadhafi was captured and killed by his nation’s citizens thereby bringing an end to his 40 years of brutal leadership and opening the door to a more democratic form of government (BTW, does anybody else wonder why he never promoted himself above colonel?). The overthrow of Gadhafi after only 8 months of “war” also validated President Obama’s military strategy of foregoing “boots on the ground” in favor of enforcement of a no-fly zone and drone attacks because, not only was Gadhafi captured after his convoy was struck by such a drone attack, but also because not one single American life was lost in the conflict which cost only about $1 billion. Did Fox News provide coverage of the capture of Gadhafi? Hardly at all. Did Fox News report on the success of the United States’ role in the conflict? Nope. Instead they credited France and Great Britain.

A day or so after the elimination of Gadhafi, President Obama announced that all U.S. troops would be leaving Iraq by the end of this year. Consequently, the 8 year Iraq War will finally be concluded after the loss of over 3,500 American lives and more than $ 800 billion to date. Did Fox News report on the benefits of ending the conflict in terms of saved lives and precious taxpayer dollars? Of course not. Instead, the Fox anchor reporting on the President’s announcement merely queried as to why the statement was made from the Brady Press Briefing Room rather than from “the East Room or someplace else.” Honestly, is that all they’ve got over at Fox News?

Of course not. Do not worry your pretty little heads. Fox News has all the time in the world to report upon really important stuff such as their fabricated “Holiday Wars”. It all started a few years ago when Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck and guests such as Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter got their panties all in a bunch over the fact that lots of people were saying “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas”. The Fox folks declared that  there was a “War on Christmas”. Apparently the folks over at Fox do not realize that a lot of Americans who benefit from a paid holiday on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day are actually Jewish or Muslim or Buddhist or Hindu and do not celebrate the Christian Christmas.

If that were not enough foolishness from Fox, last Spring Sean Hannity declared that there is also a “War on Easter”. He was apparently unable to come up with any concrete examples of the siege against Easter. Instead, he complained that Lady Gaga chose a poor time (April 2011) to release her song titled “Judas” and he was also upset that British comedian Ricky Gervais had recently criticized Christians in a written article. Hannity ignored the fact that neither of his targets even used the word “Easter”.

Now Fox news has now declared that there is a “War on Halloween”. MediaMatters.org reports that on October 21, 2011, Fox Nation posted a headline which read, “Schools Declare War on Halloween”. This was linked to an article by Todd Starnes in which the author criticized a few elementary schools for their decision not to allow children to wear Halloween costumes and have parades which are open to the public during school hours. The article states that the schools had “concerns that Americans are forcing their holiday traditions on new immigrants”.

The Fox article of course, failed to give credence to the schools’ actual stated reasons for banning the events such as  health and safety concerns and avoiding hurt feelings. The links provided in the very article explained for instance that one principal was worried about the influx of parents and visitors at the schools and the risk of an abduction of a child who could not be identified because of the costume. She said, “On parade day, the doors are open and it’s a flood of adults in here. It’s unfortunate, but we can’t believe all people coming into our building are safe.” The principal also explained that severe food allergies are an increasing problem and all Halloween treats being brought in could not be monitored. She also explained that there are often hurt feelings experienced by the poorer children who do not have costumes. Another principal elected to replace the unhealthy candy associated with Halloween with a Fall festival which will celebrate the healthy foods of the autumn harvest and also promote exercise. Additionally, all of the schools mentioned indicated that they will continue to host “after school” traditional Halloween parties.

What next Fox News? The “War on Arbor Day”?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Halloween-inspired song parody.

The Monster Mash song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeZftK2kO6U

THE MALKIN MASH

(sung to the Bobby “Boris” Pickett song “Monster Mash”)

She was mouthing off with gab late one night
Malkin’s strange visage, an eerie sight
My blood pressure and pulse both began to rise
What’s up with that weird lazy eye?

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

She was ruminating on Obama’s speech
When her logic and her brains went to the beach
We knew she was lying by her growing nose
Inside her skull, a mighty wind blows

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Dear Malkin was having fun
Her air-time had just begun
It was quite apparent that
Michelle had come undone

The show was rockin’ with her babbling sounds
Michelle spewing sentences without nouns
There were blood-shot lines in her crazy ass eyes
One thing missing was the strait-jacket guys

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Out from the closet came the Coulter thing
He was wearing his decoder ring
Waving it round because he was pissed
Have you ever seen so much hair on anybody’s fist?

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Now everything’s cool, Coulter hid his big hand
And Malkin’s diatribe was critically panned
It was one giant laugh if it was viewed
Next time we see that jerk, she is sure to be booed.

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Sarah Palin Raises Some Cain

Over the last three years we have witnessed Sarah Palin make just about every conceivable gaffe we could think of. While being interviewed by Katie Couric, she could not name one single Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade and she was unable to name a single newspaper or magazine which she reads. She told a third grader that the Vice President runs the Senate. She has claimed that the Founding Fathers said the Pledge of Allegiance. She said that our Constitution is based on the Bible. She said that Susan B. Anthony opposed abortion. She claimed that Democrats moved the words “In God We Trust” on coins. She claimed that the White House has a Department of Law. She stated that the First Amendment protects against attacks from the media. She claimed that our new health care law contained “death panels” and most striking of all, she claimed that the purpose of Paul Revere’s “Midnight Ride” was to warn the British by means of ringing bells and firing warning shots.

Now we have a new Palin blunder. She appeared as a guest on Fox News’ “On The Record” with Greta Van Susteren the other night. Her diatribe consisted of the usual indecipherable word salad but she threw in a new twist. While discussing the recent developments in the GOP primary race she referred to Presidential candidate Herman Cain as the “flavor of the week” and then proceeded to repeatedly refer to him as as “Herb”. Jeesh, you would think that she could at least get a Presidential candidate’s name straight.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Pump It Up song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpprOGsLWUo

FUDGE IT UP

(sung to the Elvis Costello song “Pump It Up”)

Palin’s losing her looks
She’s into banning books
Time to face the music
Shilling for “Arctic Cat”
She’s a moonbat
Blew the race for Johnny Mac
Was the Guv but then she quit
And left the state fast

Fudge it up. Too bad she couldn’t see it.
Fudge it up. Now she can’t conceal it.

She’s so far right of center
Hell bent, not Heaven sent
Listen to her propaganda
Listen to her latest slander
Palin don’t understand
All her moves are underhand

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Hey!

She is a dumb girl
She makes us wanna hurl
Like Lorena Bobbitt
Sarah’s psychotic
When she’s on a book tour
She dresses like a whore
In those clothes Mac bought for her
A tea-bagging gal for sure

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

In the “Party of No”
Palin will never win
Soon they will kick her out
With all her inbred kin
Her “Death Panel” mission
Beat into submission
Her conical hat is made out of tin

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Palin should beat it
Palin should beat it
Palin should beat it.

Bill O’Reilly’s Economic Plan: Tax The Poor!

Fox News is getting desperate to increase its percentage of brain-dead audience above its already astronomical 90% rating. If such were not the case, the Faux News station would not be falling over itself in a race to have its hosts say the most stupid things they can think of.

Case in point. On Thursday, Bill O’Reilly actually recognized that the tax structure is unfair. Say what? Bill O’Reilly realizes that the rich (oops, I mean job creators) must begin to pay their fair share of taxes in our nation’s efforts to reduce the deficit and add revenue? Umm, not so fast. Bill O’Reilly believes that the poor should start paying taxes. I’m not kidding, he mentioned that about 47% of Americans do not pay a federal income tax. Of course he failed to mention that they do not pay the tax because they have very little income and are destitute.

O’Reilly’s solution? A “consumption tax” which will force the poor to pay their “fair share” of taxes. O’Reilly said,

“The reason I want the consumption tax is because I pointed out that almost half, HALF (of) American workers don’t pay any federal income tax. With a consumption tax, everybody would chip in. That seems to be kind of fair. Pay your fair share.”

Let’s go to the film:

This “consumption” tax however would shift the tax burden to the poor and away from the rich (oops, there I’ve done it again, I mean job creators) because it is a regressive tax. Sales taxes are regressive because the poor spend almost all of their income on consumer goods and necessities while the rich (darn it, I mean job creators) save most of their income. So, O’Reilly would like to punish the poor and further contribute to the disparity of wealth in America. Some plan.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

“Strange Brew” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_NholHANoY

STRANGE CREW

(sung to the Cream song “Strange Brew”)

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Does that Sean Hannity have a new hairdo?
And will Bill O’Reilly go back on “The View”
No clue
And what will Glenn Beck do?

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

There’s a long-faced sullen man that’s named Brit Hume
And a blonde-haired guy named Ann Coulter, too
Pee-you
That’s just to name a few

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

(Misinformation break)

They have a dumb Alaskan known as Sarah P.
And a weekend wimp named Mike Huckabee
Good Lord
Could they be more abhorred?

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Strange crew, strange crew
Strange crew, strange crew

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Palin Plummetts In Polls (Again!!!)

Here we go again. The people have spoken and they do not like Sarah Palin. Why then does Palin continue to play cat and mouse with the idea of running for the Presidency? Better yet, why does the Media and public (including Lynnrockets) pay any attention to this inconsequential person?

CNN reports that the most recent Pew Research Center Poll released August 25th reveals that 41% of Republicans and Republican-leaning voters say there is “no chance” they would vote for Sarah Palin in a presidential race. That is the second highest rejection rate of any Republican candidate, exceeded only by Newt Gingrich.

Additionally, the most recent Gallup Survey released August 24th reveals that in a race that includes all the current candidates, plus Palin and Rudy Giuliani, the former Alaska governor would draw only 11 percent of the vote.

Finally, the most recent Public Policy Polling survey released August 23rd and  conducted in Iowa (where Palin has been spending a lot of time lately) reveals that she is in a lowly 5th place among GOP candidates.

These poll results emerged smack-dab in the midst of the war of words between Karl Rove and Palin’s political action committee SarahPAC, regarding Palin’s dithering over her decision to enter the race. The polls all show that it does not matter if the former ex-quitting half-term Alaska Gov. enters the race. Even if she does, she is doomed to defeat.

So, as for the two questions posited in our first paragraph, what can we deduce? Regarding the question as to why Palin continues to remain indecisive as to her presidential plans, it seems obvious that she is simply maintaining the monetary value of the “Palin brand” for as long as possible. Since the “Palin thing” was unfortunately thrust into the American spotlight by John McCain in 2008, she has profited immensely. If not for her status as the Vice Presidential candidate and the subsequent hilariously public display of her political ignorance and the shenanigans of her tabloid-styled family, she would have remained a virtually unknown politician with little to no marketing potential. Instead, she has made so much money form her new-found celebrity status in the form of her Fox News job, her reality television series and her two ghost-written books, that she was able to simply up-and-quit her job as Governor of Alaska. Palin knows that as soon as she announces that she will not run for the nation’s highest office, her marketability and the associated money will vanish. Consequently, it behooves her to tease the public for as long as she possibly can.

As for why the media and public continue to pay attention to a potential candidate that has no chance of winning, the answer is obvious. Sarah Palin is so absurd that she is entertaining. The media sells entertainment and the public buys it. People with no interest whatsoever in politics continue to await news of the latest Palin-related spectacle. Will she publicly insult someone (David Letterman)? Will she make another astoundingly stupid comment (Paul Revere was warning the British by ringing bells and firing shots)? Will another of her abstinence-only educated children conceive a child out of wedlock (so far we have Bristol and Track)? Will her husband continue to solicit massages from women charged with prostitution (Shailey Tripp)? The possibilities seem limitless and so long as there is entertainment value, the media and public will continue to pay attention.

So there you have it. Sarah Palin is unelectable. Sarah Palin knows this and will continue to tease the public with a decision regarding her candidacy as long as possible so as to keep the money-cow alive. The media and public will continue to be interested in Palin so long as she remains relevant and eccentric.

OK, you Rocketeers, you know what this means…

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Rawhide song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldkxqiosXYY

POLL-SLIDE

(sung to the TV theme of, “Rawhide”)

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Poll Slide

Keep movin’, movin’, movin’
People disapprovin’
Sarah’s not improvin’, Poll-Slide!
She cannot understand ‘em,
She hopes results are random,
Soon she’ll be in a double-wide.
There’s no way of definin’
Just why the polls declinin’, declinin’ like a massive
Landslide.

Headin’ down, movin’ fast,
Losin’ ground, ship her out,
Headin’ down, movin’ fast
Poll-Slide!
Kick her out,  shoot her down,
Send her home, push her out,
Kick her butt, fallin’ fast
Poll-Slide!

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Her eyeballs are ballin’
How come no-one’s callin’?
Poll-Slide!
It looks like stormy weather
And she’s light like a feather
She’ll be swept under by the tide.
She’ll be unemployed soon,
A wolf killin’ buffoon,
And all this resultin’ from her lies

Headin’ down, movin’ fast,
Losin’ ground, ship her out,
Headin’ down, movin’ fast
Poll-Slide!
Kick her out,  shoot her down,
Send her home, push her out,
Kick her butt, fallin’ fast
Poll-Slide!

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Poll Slide

Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove Blasts Sarah “Caribou Barbie” Palin

As we have said so many times in the past, is there anything more delightful than watching Republicans eat their young?

Today we have Round Three of Karl Rove vs. Sarah Palin. This battle started last weekend when Rove appeared on “Fox News Sunday”,  a talking head program on the Republican Propaganda Network and said that he believed that Palin’s upcoming trip to Iowa and recent web video are evidence she is gearing up for a run for the GOP nomination for President. He also said,

“I’m not much of a gambler, but I’d put a little more money that she gets in than if she doesn’t. You can only tease so many times in the political process, and I think she is getting to the end of that.”

Palin’s political action committee SarahPAC, did not take kindly to anyone speculating anything about their queen. So, on Monday the PAC came out of their corner and launched an assault against Karl Rove in Round Two of the bout. The SarahPAC website posted a thinly veiled attack against Rove which stated as follows:

“These are the same tired establishment political games that fuel the 24 hour news cycle and that all Americans will hopefully reject in 2012, and this is more of the ‘politics-as-usual’ that Sarah Palin has fought against throughout her career.”

Not to be bullied, Rove came out punching in Round Three. On Wednesday, Rove once again appeared on the Fox News GOP Cheerleading Network and this time he characterized Palin as a Diva with “thin skin”. More specifically, he said,

“It is a sign of enormous thin skin if we speculate about her, she gets upset, and I suspect if we didn’t speculate about her, she’d be upset and trying to find a way to get us to speculate about her.”

CNN reports that Karl Rove went on to say that if Palin is unhappy with the speculation she should,

“simply say ‘I’m not running’. Instead, every time she pops up in the public eye – like she did on CNN at the Iowa State Fair a number of days ago – she said ‘I haven’t made a decision’.”

We believe Karl Rove has a valid point. Will Sarah Palin ever stop dithering and make a decision about her presidential plans? Here’s hoping she announces her candidacy so that we will have one more Republican crackpot to laugh at during the upcoming election season. Can you imagine the environment of wackiness that would envelope primary debates including Michele “Migraines” Bachmann, Ron “The Gold Is Gone” Paul, Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney, Rick “Treason” Perry and Sarah “I Quit” Palin?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Kung Fu Fighting song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUkGIsKvn0

KUNG FU FIGHTING (Version III)

(sung to the Carl Douglas song “Kung Fu Fighting”)

Oh – oh – oh – oh…

Sarah Palin was kung fu fighting
Her words were crude and biting
In fact she is a little bit frightening
And she has the best of timing

One day funky Turd Blossom put Sarah Palin down
He was chopping her up and he was talking her down
His words gave Sarah a start and then she tore Karl Rove apart
She was shooting from the hip; when she gave Karl Rove some lip

Karl and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were tear-inciting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the best of timing

She said, “knuckle dragging Rove, you better bite your tongue”
Karl said “Why don’t you get lost, you best be gone”
She said, “this crib-note on my hand says I’m worth one-hundred grand”
Karl said, “when you see my Fox clip, you will just have to bite your lip”

Rove and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were crude and biting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the worst of timing

Oh – oh – oh – oh…

Karl and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were crude and biting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the best of timing

Oh – oh – oh – oh…
Keep on fighting
Those cats are frightening

Oh – oh – oh – oh…(to fade)

Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove Believes Palin Will Run

Turd Blossom and Caribou Barbie

The former top political adviser (for whatever that is worth) to President George W. Bush believes that Sarah Palin will soon announce that she is running for president. Karl Rove, more commonly known as Turd Blossom, is now the leader of a conservative political action committee known as American Crossroads and he feels that Palin’s upcoming trip to Iowa and recent web video are evidence she is gearing up for a run.

Rove appeared on “Fox News Sunday”,  a talking head program on the Republican Propaganda Network and said,

“I’m not much of a gambler, but I’d put a little more money that she gets in than if she doesn’t. You can only tease so many times in the political process, and I think she is getting to the end of that.”

Palin of course has been incapable of making a decision as to whether she should join the “Koch Bros., Crackpots and Unknowns Presidential Circus” for at least the last four years. The former ex-quitting half-term Gov. of Alaska has however, recently paraded her faux family vacation shrink-wrapped luxury dream-liner through many early primary states and she attended the Iowa State Fair on the same weekend as the Ames Straw Poll. She has also authorized the creation and release of “The Undefeated”, an abysmal failure of a theatrical release about her rise to political incompetence. Most recently, her political action committee SarahPAC even released a video of her Iowa appearances and she plans to return to Iowa on September 3rd. Still, she has refused to answer questions about her presidential plans as stubbornly as she refused to answer any and all questions during debates and televised interviews in 2008 while running for Vice President.

Who knows what kind of faith can be placed in Karl Rove’s prediction, however? After all, he is the same guy who completely misinterpreted the big bank bailout and formation of the Tea Party as follows:

“Remember the Tea Party movement didn’t get started in September of 2008 when the bank bailout was passed. It really began on Feb. 19th, 2009 when a television commentator named Rick Santelli stood up and said what the hell are we doing bailing out people who couldn’t afford a mortgage by taking money from people like me who are prudent?”

In any event, here’s hoping that Sarah Palin does choose to rune for President. The nation could use a few more laughs.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Born To Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wgnTU31z7s

BORN TO RUN

(sung to the Bruce Springsteen song “Born To Run”)

In the day she sweats it out on the streets, she’s a runner-up beauty pageant queen
At night she tears her hair out in worry atop Todd’s snow-machine
Hate filled rages at the five and dime
High heeled, misdirected and sporting a sixties beehive, Whoa
Wasilla town hopes she never comes back
She’s a dumb quack, a political hack
Sarah speaketh with a forked tongue
But tramps like her, baby they were born to run
(yes she will run)

Sarah’s got thin skin but she’ll run again
She can’t find work on television
SarahPAC will cater to her whims
Their dedicated to her mission
Together they will dish out crap
She’ll run till she drops, maybe from a heart attack, Whoa
All her friends, she’ll continue to hire
‘cause baby she wants to be the next “Decider”
But her wagon has lost all its wheels
She behaves like a little child girl, a pitbull refusing to heel
(full of baloney)

(Twitter break)

She’s filled with malice right down to the bones buried in her backyard
She casts no reflection in brand new mirrors
Like a vampire caught off guard
Her unfeeling heart, rises cold and dark
A dominatrix with an iron fist
She’s gonna try to befriend thee in the deep dark night
With a wink and a blown kiss, Huhh

(Facebook break)

(one two three four…)

She’s got a bunch of Fox News zeroes that fuel her hopes and drive
Sarah Palin likes you if you are white and have no use for gay pride
Every Wednesday she will give an address
That will reveal all the madness in her soul, Whoa
Someday girl, we don’t know when, you’ll learn that you’re a disgrace
Something we already know, her career will be done
But till then just like puss, Sarah will return to run

Oh, Sarah just like puss, baby we hope that you run

Please believe me, all of us baby, sure hope that you will run

Whatever Happened To Baby Beck?

Remember just before his Fox News program was cancelled a few months ago and Glenn Beck said to his critics, “You will pray for the time when I was only on the air for one hour every day.”? Wow, our prayers must have been more than answered. Glenn Beck has now become completely irrelevant.

Think about this for just a moment. When was the last time that you saw Glenn Beck on your television or even heard someone comment about him or something he said? I’ll go make a sandwich and brew a cup of tea while you think it over…  Come up with an answer? No. I’ll go walk the dog and give you a little more time…. Anything? I didn’t think so.

Glenn Beck has now become more insubstantial than was Claude Rains while portraying “The Invisible Man” in that wonderful 1933 Universal film. He is presumably in Israel presently and referring to the tent protesters (who are upset with economic conditions) as socialists or communists. I understand that he also may have recently said that there will be race riots in America if President Obama is re-elected. I had to dig pretty deep into George Bush’s internets to find that out, however. The newspapers and television stations seem to have lost all interest in Beck and his faux tear-filled tirades. His 15 minutes of fame have obviously expired. I for one, am glad about that.

Ah, Glenn  we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Fool On The Hill song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KXrrh74wTs&feature=related

THE FOOL WHO KNOWS NIL

(sung to the Beatles song, “The Fool On The Hill”)

Day after day
He gives us a chill
Glenn Beck is crying again
Let’s watch his eyes start to fill

And nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he has not one good answer
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

George Soros stares him down
And Glenn’s face grows bright red
As his head spins around

Glenn’s head today,
Filled up with sound
Beck’s head hears a thousand voices
Screaming nonsense so loud

Everybody wants to jeer him
For the weeping that he does fake
Yet Glenn never seems to notice
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s a dim-witted clown
In need of some strong meds
Beck’s off to crazy-town

(break with reality)

And nobody seems to like him
It looks like he’s back on the booze
Or maybe he’s back drug dealing
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Nobody listens to him
They know that he’s a fool
They don’t like him
The fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Oh …