Lynnrockets Just Wants To Show Him/Her Self A Bit

Hey folks, I just don’t want you to think that all I care about is politics. Ok?

Here’s my softer side. Hope you folks don’t think less of me.

Run Along Now Sarah Palin, Adults Are Trying To Have A Debt Ceiling Discussion Here (Part 2)

Palin uses sign language to demonstrate what she knows about the debt ceiling.

On Wednesday Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off ran the first segment of this story.

We reported that as the August 2nd Debt Ceiling deadline looms and the President and members of Congress attempt to devise some sort of mutually acceptable legislation which will serve to increase the ceiling, cut future spending and raise revenues, America’s most famous unelected celebrity wanted to have her say. Her words and advice of course, had no positive effect on debt ceiling negotiations. They only served to fan the fires of acrimony and widen the divide between Democratic and Republican negotiators.

First she attacked President Obama by saying,

“Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing. The president’s getting pretty good at this fear mongering and trying to cram down the public’s throat this idea of bigger government, more spending.”

She then criticized Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner by saying,

“The internal problem that he has is reinventing the wheel here in the 11th hour, when we already have Cut, Cap and Balance that passed the House, and we don’t need to retreat now and wave a white flag. This August 2 deadline is looming, but it’s not Armageddon, it’s not life-or-death, so Boehner and the Republicans have got to make sure that they’ve got a good plan in front of those who will be voting on this plan.”

But the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska who managed to obtain a bachelor’s degree in communications with an emphasis in journalism only after attending 5 different colleges in 6 years, was not finished yet. Oh no. Palin was right back at it again yesterday. This time she directed her meritless comments at freshmen Teapublican members of Congress who signed the infamous Grover Norquist “No Tax Pledge”.  On her Facebook page (where else?) she posted, in pertinent part, this dribble,

“Republicans campaigned on a promise to rein in out-of-control government spending. These are promises that you must keep…I respectfully ask these GOP Freshman to … remember us ‘little people’ who believed in them, donated to their campaigns, spent hours tirelessly volunteering for them, and trusted them with our votes. This new wave of public servants may recall that they were sent to D.C. for such a time as this.”

Did Sarah Palin just refer to herself as a “little people”? Did she honestly spend “hours tirelessly volunteering for” all those Tea Party members? Really? Even with all those self-promoting book tours and reality television show travels and Fox News appearances on her busy schedule?  And just what in the wide, wide world of confusion was she actually telling the Tea Partiers to do? Was it intended to be an instruction from headquarters that they must reign in spending in the debt ceiling negotiations by refusing to raise the ceiling under any circumstances? The timing would suggest that. But if so, that makes no sense because the debt ceiling increase only allows our nation to pay its pre-existing debts. It does not authorize any new spending. What is this dimwit talking about?

Honestly, Ms. Palin, have you forgotten that inasmuch as you hold no elective office, you have no meaningful standing to inject yourself into the debate? Your voice is one that does not matter or have any positive effect.

So Sarah Palin we repeat, please take note that adults are trying to discuss the debt ceiling and it would be best for the country if you would just run along.

By the way, we are just wondering whether you plan to run for President? Any update or is that another matter on which you have nothing significant to say?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTBpafu_DE8&feature=PlayList&p=C7BA3DA90EF5F781&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(death panel lie break)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Now tell a big lie,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

A Few Tasty Tid-Bits On Which To Chew

While awaiting the outcome of the House Republicans’ internal civil war (Tea Baggers v. Entrenched Incumbents) to see if they can pass a debt ceiling bill which is nevertheless doomed to failure in the Senate, let’s take a look at what else is going on in the world of politics and punditry.

REPUBLICAN INFIGHTING CONTINUES:  Republican Sen. John McCain on Wednesday said ultimatums issued by many in his conference, like insisting on a balanced budget amendment to the constitution that he said will not become law, are “worse than foolish.” Today, freshman Tea Party backed Rep. Joe Walsh (you know, the fiscal conservative who is so conservative that he fails to pay his own child support) said, “Folks like Sen. John McCain have been in this town for too long and they’re the ones who have gotten us into this mess year after year after year. Folks like him … have no clue as to the troubles Americans are going through right now. They don’t understand this crisis anymore.” It is so satisfying watching Republicans eat their own.

MICHELE BACHMANN CONTINUES TO BURY HER HEAD IN THE SAND:  Despite the fact that every economic expert and financial adviser warns that a failure to raise the debt ceiling will have disastrous effects on the US economy including a devaluation of the dollar, rising interest rates, an increasing national debt caused by higher interest rates and a loss of faith from other nations, Michele Bachmann continues to insist that there is no problem. Today she said, “I do not believe for one moment that we will lose the full faith and credit of the United States.” She also said she plans to vote against the latest proposal from House Speaker John Boehner that would raise the debt limit and reduce the deficit. Is anyone surprised, after all Bachmann also denies the theory of evolution.

TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY DECLARES THAT HE WILL NOT MARRY A MAN:  In an interview today with Family Research Council President Tony Perkins, the potential GOP presidential candidate said, “gay marriage is not fine with me.” OK Rick, so don’t marry a man. Does that work for you?

NEWT GINGRICH’S CAMPAIGN SUFFERS ANOTHER BLOW:  First it was Tiffany-Gate when the nation learned that the self-described frugal fiscal conservative had run up a line of credit approaching a million dollars at the posh jewelry store. Next, virtually every one of his important campaign staff abruptly quit on him. Then we learned that his presidential campaign is over $1 million in debt. And today it was revealed that the man who proclaims that he will bring manufacturing jobs back to the United States has his “Newt 2012” t-shirts manufactured in El Salvador. Ouch! Stick a fork in Gingrich cuz he’s done.

CAPITOL HILL TEA PARTY RALLY IS A FLOP:  Tea Party Express and the American Grassroots Coalition staged a really, really big Tea Party rally on Capitol Holl this week featuring such Teapublican heroes as Presidential candidate Herman Cain, conservative Sens. Jim DeMint of South Carolina, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Mike Lee of Utah. It has been reported by Politico.com however, that virtually no Tea Baggers bothered to show up. “At the start of the rally… there were roughly 15 attendees waiting to hear the conservative lawmakers speak. By the time the senators had spoken there were still fewer than 50 tea partiers in attendance. You will also recall that the annual Tea Party Convention was also recently cancelled for lack of interest. Looks like the Tea Party’s 15 minutes are officially over.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Garden Party song link:  http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x89fev_ricky-nelson-garden-party_music

TEA BAG PARTY

(sung to the Ricky Nelson song “Garden Party”)

I went to a Tea Bag party hoping to make some brand new friends
But they became my enemies, those right wing racist men
When I got to the Tea Bag party, they all looked the same
That really surprised me, and no one had a brain

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Crazies there from miles around, mostly with white hair
Locals brought their shotguns, there was hatred in the air
‘n’ over in the corner, not to my surprise
Sarah Palin sportin’ thigh-high boots while she winked her eyes.

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-in-dah-dah-dah, lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Told them they were so wrong, Glenn Beck is insane
Drill Baby, Drill’s stupid,  and Palin is to blame
I said Rand Paul is crazy too, best not drink his tea
Then I told them things about Michele Bachmann they would not believe

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and donned a white pointy hood
Punching his railroad ticket to Hell and just the way he should
If you’re goin’ to a Tea Bag party, I wish you a lotta luck
Bring a misspelled sign, use racist slang and drive a pick-up truck

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Run Along Now Sarah Palin, Adults Are Trying To Have A Debt Ceiling Discussion Here.

Palin responds to question about debt ceiling.

As the August 2nd Debt Ceiling deadline looms and the President and members of Congress attempt to devise some sort of mutually acceptable legislation which will serve to increase the ceiling, cut future spending and raise revenues, America’s most famous unelected celebrity wants to have her say. As the deadline clock is ticking and our nation’s economic fate hangs in the balance, Sarah Palin wants to rattle some cages and widen divides in such a way that if anyone took her seriously (and thankfully very few do) no compromise could ever be reached and America would for the first time in history, default on its debt obligations.

While appearing last night on Fox News (where else?), the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska said that President Obama is simply “scaring” the American people about the negative consequences of defaulting on our obligations. CNN reports that Palin said,

“Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing. The president’s getting pretty good at this fear mongering and trying to cram down the public’s throat this idea of bigger government, more spending.”

She also criticized Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner by saying,

“The internal problem that he has is reinventing the wheel here in the 11th hour, when we already have Cut, Cap and Balance that passed the House, and we don’t need to retreat now and wave a white flag. This August 2 deadline is looming, but it’s not Armageddon, it’s not life-or-death, so Boehner and the Republicans have got to make sure that they’ve got a good plan in front of those who will be voting on this plan.”

Honestly, Sarah would you please just sit back and let the big boys and girls handle this? It is virtually universally agreed by all experts (i.e. economists and financial advisers) that a debt default would be catastrophic. It would lead to an almost instantaneous downgrade of the nation’s credit rating which would cause the dollar to sink while interest rates soar and cause our debt to increases drastically. It would imperil payments to Social Security recipients and military members and their families.

Perhaps that great liberal Ronald Reagan sized it up best in 1987 when he described the folly of not raising the debt ceiling as follows:

“Congress consistently brings the government to the edge of default before facing its responsibility. This brinksmanship threatens the holders of government bonds and those who rely on Social Security and veterans benefits. Interest rates would skyrocket, instability would occur in financial markets, and the Federal deficit would soar.”

You see Sarah, you’re bachelor’s degree in journalism which took you 6 years and 5 colleges to earn, does not qualify you to be a voice which must be heard on this complicated subject. Have you also forgotten that inasmuch as you hold no elective office, you have no meaningful standing to inject yourself into the debate? Your voice is one that does not matter or have any positive effect.

So Sarah Palin, please take note that adults are trying to discuss the debt ceiling and it would be best for the country if you would just run along.

By the way, we are just wondering whether you plan to run for President? Any update or is that another matter on which you have nothing significant to say?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Over My Head song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXZf833Gnxw

I’M OVER MY HEAD II

(sung to the Fleetwood Mac song “Over My Head”)

They say DC is paradise
Before going there, I better think twice
I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

Nothing to say when I take that mike
I’m just a clown and yet they just might, think I’m crazy,
It’s such a plight

My thoughts are like a ferris wheel
They’re spinning all the time
Sometimes I can’t help but feel
That I’m losing all of my mind

(job quitting break)

I hope I don’t just grunt and squeal
Perhaps I better mime
Why did I accept this deal
For a measly couple of dimes

They’ll be staring at my backside
I will be losing all of my pride
I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

Financial Guru Gingrich Is Over $1 Million In Debt

Newt Blingrich on Meet The Press

For Newt Gingrich there is good news and bad news. The good news is that his recently filed personal financial disclosure report reveals that he has finally paid off his gigantic $ 1 million lines of credit at fancy jeweler Tiffany & Co. The bad news is that the disclosure also revealed that his Presidential campaign is more than $ 1 million in debt.

It is nice to see that the self-defined fiscal conservative has managed to pay-off the credit lines used to sustain his addiction to expensive bling. Perhaps he is now paying cash for his treasure trove of trinkets. You see, his habit has not seemed to have abated inasmuch as USA Today reports that Politico identified a woman named Sarah who tweeted that she saw Gingrich and his wife, Callista, ushered into a private room at the Tiffany’s store at Tyson’s Corner in McLean, Va., this weekend. At this point he may as well legally change his name to “Newt Blingrich”!

Gingrich’s presidential aspirations however, are not looking so rosy. First, we learned last month that virtually his entire campaign staff up and quit. Now it has been revealed that said campaign is more than $1 million in debt. Does Newt not understand that Politics 101 teaches that presidential campaigns are designed to raise money through donations, not lose money through expenditures? Jeesh, talk about creative accounting! Is this the type of guy the nation needs to lead it out of its current economic crisis?

When you also consider that the former disgraced Republican Speaker of the House has already been forced out of politics once by his own party; that he has been married three times and has switched religious affiliations as often, you might conclude that he has no shot at winning the presidency. That would be a fair and astute assumption.

In light of all of the above, you can take this to the bank: Newt Gingrich’s days as a presidential candidate are numbered and that number is very small.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I Am Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg

I AM GINGRICH

(sung to the Helen Reddy song “I Am Woman”)

I am Gingrich, hear me snore
The G.O.P. showed me the door
In ’98, I was thrown out on my rear end
‘cause I called for a class war
When Clinton dallied with that whore
So what if I also had a lady friend

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

Now I’ve shown you that I’m tasteless
By calling Sonia a racist
When I’m the guy that bloviates on ghettos
My lies will grow much stronger
And my nose will grow much longer
When I start to call Sotomayor a “Hoe”

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

I am Gingrich don’t you know
Democrats know that I blow
Fox News spreads my fat visage across the land
And I’ll use those embryos
And those nameless “baby does”
If it helps me to advance my final stand

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I am wrong (wrong)
And I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich
Oh, I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong

(Fading)
I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong
I am Gingrich

Fox Favorites Bachmann and Paul Duck Debt Ceiling Crisis

Dr. No and the Gay-Basher

How many times have Republican politicians and conservative pundits criticized President Barack Obama for going on official business trips when they claim he should be back at home addressing the problems in Washington DC? Despite the fact that Obama and George W. Bush have made virtually the same number of overseas trips during the same amount of days that they have occupied the Oval Office, the right criticizes Obama while they were silent about Bush.

Whenever Obama takes a vacation, he is maligned by the right for shirking his duty. Fox News’ Monica Crowley has gone so far as to say,

“He’s actually shoehorning the job of the presidency into his busy schedule of going on vacation, listening to the comic stylings of George Lopez, swaying to Paul McCartney, playing golf, shooting hoops, taking smokes. What else is this guy doing? Is he ever working? Obama is taking a vacation every five minutes. He’s blowing off steam almost every day….he is got partying going on. He’s at the Nationals game.”

The facts however, prove that Fox News is lying. In fact, Politicususa.com has shown that George W. Bush “spent 1,020 days of his presidency on vacation. To put this into context, John F. Kennedy spent fewer days in office, 1000, than George W. Bush spent on vacation. Bush spent 487 days at Camp David, 490 days at his Crawford ranch, and 43 days in Kennebunkport. George W. Bush spent 69 days in Crawford during his first year in office. In contrast, according to FactCheck.org, Obama spent all, or part of, 26 days of his first year in office on vacation. This was less than all three previous Republican presidents, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, and George W. Bush.” Anyone surprised that Fox News would misinform its audience?

Today we have learned that President Barack Obama has cancelled all of his scheduled fundraising appearances so that he may devote himself to the debt ceiling crisis and negotiations. Meanwhile, fierce Obama critics, moonbat-crazy Rep. Michele Bachmann and Rep. Ron “Dr. No” Paul will be attending fundraising trips for their presidential campaigns in Iowa. So, while the President of the United States has elected to address the nation’s most pressing issue, two of his wannabe Republican presidential opponents are shirking their duties as members of the nation’s House of Representatives so as to further than own political careers. How is that for patriotism?

Will Rush “Drug Addict” Limbaugh, Glenn “Rodeo Clown” Beck, Ann “The Man” Coulter or anyone on the Fox Misinformation Network even make mention of the fact that Bachmann and Paul have fled Washington during debt ceiling negotiations? Lynnrockets is willing to wager a lobster dinner that not one of them utters a peep on the subject. Any takers?

While we await a response to that offer, shall we entertain ourselves with a Blackjack hand’s worth of the many examples of misinformation proffered by Fox News as confirmed by PolitiFact.com and reported by Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show”:

1. Fox said less than 10% of Obama’s Cabinet appointees have worked in the private sector. – False
2. Fox said, White House Political Director served as right-hand man to the ACORN chief – False
3. Fox said Texas Board of Education may eliminate  references to Christmas and the Constitution from textbooks – False
4. Fox said Health Care Reform is a govt. takeover of health care – False and the PolitiFact 2010 “Lie of the Year”
5. Fox said the Muslim Brotherhood has openly stated that they want to  declare  war on Israel – False
6. Fox said American troops have never been under the formal control of another nation – False
7. Fox said Gov. Rick Scott’s approval ratings have climbed since election – False
8. Fox said Massachusetts’ health care plan is wildly unpopular among state residents – False
9. Fox said there’s been more debt under Obama than all other presidents combined – False
10. Fox said Health care bill includes death panels – False and the PolitiFact  2009 “Lie of the Year”
11. Fox said  “Cash For Clunkers” will give govt. complete access to your home computer – False
12. Fox said halting Gulf drilling costs $8 Billion a day in imports – False
13. Fox said Democrats plan largest tax increase in history – False
14. Fox said Eric holder was involved in the dismissal of criminal charges against New Black panthers – False
15. Fox said Obama voted “present” in the U.S. Senate quite often – False
16. Fox said John Holdren proposed forced abortions and putting sterilants in drinking water – False
17. Fox said labor union president Andy Stern is most frequent visitor at white house – False
18. Fox said America is the only country with automatic citizenship upon birth – False
19. Fox said O’Reilly never called George tiller a baby killer only reporting what others called him – False
20. Fox said only fox news picked up that Anita Dunn said mao was one of her favorite philosophers – False and
21. Fox said nobody at Fox news ever said you’re going to jail if you don’t buy health insurance – False

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

“Strange Brew” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_NholHANoY

STRANGE CREW

(sung to the Cream song “Strange Brew”)

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Does that Sean Hannity have a new hairdo?
And will Bill O’Reilly go back on “The View”
No clue
And what will Glenn Beck do?

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

There’s a long-faced sullen man that’s named Brit Hume
And a blonde-haired guy named Ann Coulter, too
Pee-you
That’s just to name a few

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

(Misinformation break)

They have a dumb Alaskan known as Sarah P.
And a weekend wimp named Mike Huckabee
Good Lord
Could they be more abhorred?

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Strange crew, strange crew
Strange crew, strange crew

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Sunday Afternoon Coffee (or Tea) – 86

Sorry about the late post but these beach days are cutting into Lynnrockets’ productivity!

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: The first recall election was held in Wisconsin last week and incumbent Democratic State Senator Dave Hansen defeated his Republican challenger in a landslide in which the Democrat took more than 65% of the vote. The recall elections were spurred by a voter backlash to the union-busting efforts of newly elected Republicans. With only 3 more victories the Democrats will recapture control of the state senate. Let the Wisconsin recall elections continue!

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “This Week In History” features the fact that it was nearly 10 years ago that the United States began borrowing billions of dollars to pay for the bush tax cuts. http://thinkprogress.org/special/2011/07/20/273795/ten-years-ago-bush-tax-cuts/

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time some crazy Republican Tea Party conservative like Michele Bachmann or Ron Paul tells you that not raising the debt ceiling will not threaten those on Social Security, show them this quote from Ronald Reagan:

“Congress consistently brings the Government to the edge of default before facing its responsibility. This brinkmanship threatens the holders of government bonds and those who rely on Social Security and veterans benefits. Interest rates would skyrocket, instability would occur in financial markets, and the Federal deficit would soar. The United States has a special responsibility to itself and the world to meet its obligations. It means we have a well-earned reputation for reliability and credibility – two things that set us apart from much of the world.”

Was Reagan lying too?

THIS JUST IN:  Quote of the Week from William Rivers Pitt, “I love the smell of Murdoch in the morning!”

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “How’s This For A Surprise?…Not!” features Alabama’s Republican and very anti-homosexual Attorney General Troy King. Wonkette reports that Troy (who advocates outlawing homosexuality and sex toys) “has apparently been caught having homosexual sex intercourse with his homosexual gay male assistant. Bonus: The dude’s wife caught him, in their bed…His gay lover is either a college “buddy,” or a very young youngster and “Homecoming King” from Troy University. What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University?” You just can’t make this stuff up.

THIS JUST IN: 2nd Best Quote of the Week from Larry Summers while President of Harvard University on a visit from the Winklevoss twins (who wanted his help in getting a piece of the Facebook action from Zuckerberg), “One of the things you learn as a college president is that if an undergraduate is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o’clock, there are two possibilities. One is that they’re looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that they are an a**hole. This was the latter case.”

BREAKING NEWS:  “A new filing in the King Lincoln Bronzeville v. Blackwell case includes a copy of the Ohio Secretary of State election production system configuration that was in use in Ohio’s 2004 presidential election when there was a sudden and unexpected shift in votes for George W. Bush.” Benzinga.com reports thatSmarTech, a private company (with extensive ties to the Republican Party, Karl Rove and the Republican agenda), had the ability in the 2004 election to add or subtract votes without anyone knowing they did so. The the combination of computer hacking, ballot destruction, and the discrepancy between exit polling (which showed a big Kerry win in Ohio) and the “real” vote tabulation, all point to one answer: the Republicans stole the 2004 election. Anybody surprised?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Hey Sarah, How’s That Abstinence-Only Thingy Working Out For Your Kids?

Daryl Cagle, MSNBC.com

Lynnrockets and Co. would like to apologize to you loyal Rocketeers for our failure to post a blog entry yesterday. This Boston heatwave however, sucked all of the energy out of us much like John Boehner sucked all of the energy out of the debt ceiling negotiations yesterday. Things are now looking up though (on the weather situation, not the debt ceiling situation) because we awoke this morning to the welcoming sound of thunder-boomers and a brief cooling rain shower. Looks like we are now over the worst and returning to those normal cool Boston sea breezes.

So, it is back to work!

The “do as I say, not as I do bunch” was highlighted in this week’s news. We had Michele Bachmann once again railing about those horrible federal subsidies and Medicaid being a terrible type of welfare. We then discovered that Bachmann’s family has profited from federal farm subsidies for years and that her husband’s clinic has profited from hundreds of thousands of Medicaid payments. We had Newt Blingrich tell us that only he knows how to lead our nation out of the economic downturn. We then learned that his campaign is over $ 1 million in debt. and of course we always have the Palins.

Sarah Palin has been denouncing sex education and contraception since she was disastrously thrust upon the American people by John McCain. She has been one of the nation’s foremost advocates of abstinence only education. Of course Sarah Palin did not personally practice abstinence. It would appear that oldest son Track was conceived prior to her wedding on August 29, 1988 inasmuch as he was born on April 20, 1989.

The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was also apparently not a very good teacher when it came to instilling the virtues of abstinence on her own children either. First, teen daughter Bristol gave birth out of wedlock. She claims that her “virginity was stolen” (rape?) by her boyfriend one night while she got drunk while on a camping trip. The veracity of that statement is called into question however, inasmuch as Bristol continued to have sex with the same boy for a long time after that. Now we have eldest son Track who also seems to have violated the abstinence only rule. Track was married only two months ago yet photos from Gawker have surfaced of his wife at what appears to be a baby shower and looking much more than two months pregnant.

Geesh Palins, how’s that abstinence only thing working out for ya?

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF TODD AND SARAH (Version Two)

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Standing in the airport at Juneau,
Todd sporting his new campaign-bought pants.
But then SarahPac
Said,“They’ve got to go back”,
“You look just like a homo from France.”

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Finally flew into Indiana
Sarah giving a Pro-Life speech
Her decision rejoiced,
As to her Baby Trig choice.
Because she practiced exactly what she preached.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Sarah admitted as much.
She did have a choice, though
She would deny one to us.

Meanwhile in his home-state of Alaska,
The First Dude was beginning to cheat.
He had not one fear
That a massage to his rear,
Would be reported in a tabloid broad-sheet

Christ you know they’re so sleazy,
Just watch them on the TV
The whole Palin family
Lives out a life of deceit

Keeping every penny of per-diem pay,
Lying about clothes to charity,
Daughter that’s unwed,
Boyfriends in her bed.
Her chances of  election
Pretty low – Think!

Relatives all getting arrested.
Family dignity in free-fall.
Constituents claim,
“Sarah is to blame”
Not much of a role-model at all.

Christ you know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be.
You know where she’s going?
Into the Party of Tea.

How did we choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t we elect “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Bachmann’s Migraines Are Now A Headache To Her Campaign

As we have said so many times in the past here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off, there is nothing more entertaining than watching Republicans eat their own. It would appear that the lovey-dovey atmosphere and unified comraderie of the GOP primary season has come to an abrupt halt. Only a month ago  a bunch of these presidential wannabes appeared at the first Republican debate and engaged in a big group hug while bashing President Obama. It seemed as if each of the candidates would have been perfectly happy to have anyone of his/her opponents win the nomination. Not anymore. That was then, this is now. The gloves are now officially off as the lackluster cast of candidates are taking pot-shots at each other.

The first unqualified candidate at the bottom of the pig pile is Michele Bachmann. Perhaps that is appropriate inasmuch as she is by far, the moonbat craziest and the weakest link in the bunch. She has absolutely no grasp of American history as proven by her statements that “the shot heard round the world” was fired from New Hampshire and that our founding fathers “fought tirelessly to end slavery.” She denies science as illustrated by her statements that global climate change “is a hoax” and “Hundreds and hundreds” of Nobel Prize winning scientists “believe in intelligent design” and not in the theory of evolution. And she is completely homophobic as revealed by her statement that judges tell children that they “must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it” and that homosexuals “are part of Satan.” Let’s face it, Michele Bachmann is nuts and her GOP opponents know it.

The first blow directed at Bachmann was from the relatively unknown former pizza shop owner, Herman Cain. When asked why voters should choose him over Bachmann last week on “Fox News Sunday”, he said

“The choice is real simple. My entire career has been problem-solving, not politics.”

This week it was revealed that the Tea Party-backed Bachmann frequently suffers from severe migraine headaches that have at least three times landed her in the hospital. The Daily Caller reported that Bachmann “suffers from stress-induced medical episodes that she has characterized as severe headaches.” It did not take long for that revelation to be used against her by another member of the GOP.

CNN reports that on the very same day that Bachmann released a doctor’s letter detailing her treatment for migraines, former Minnesota Gov. and current Presidential candidate, Tim Pawlenty took a not-so-veiled swipe at his 2012 presidential campaign rival. He refused to comment directly as to whether he believed that Bachmann’s medical condition would impede her ability to perform the duties of the Presidency. He said he would “defer to the judgment of the medical professionals.” However, Pawlenty did say

“The candidates are going to have to be able to demonstrate they can do all of the job, all of the time.”

That statement was a clear implication that he questions whether Bachmann’s migraines will prevent her from being at the top of her game all of the time as the office requires.

Who will be the next Republican candidate to attack Bachmann? Probably not Mitt Romney. The former Massachusetts Gov. and current GOP Presidential candidate actually came to Bachmann’s defense. Yeaterday he said, “There’s no question in my mind that Michele Bachmann’s health is in no way an impediment to her being able to serve as president.” But this is Mitt Romney we are talking about. The monumental flip-flopper has changed his position on so many issues so many times, that he is very likely to change his mind tomorrow and declare that Bachmann is medically unfit for the office.

All we can do in the meantime, is sit back and wait for the next punch to be thrown. The anticipation is sure to be mounting.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Michele song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKvee-w0uBc

MICHELE

(Sung to the Beatles song “Michele”)

Michele, from Hell
These are words that go together well,
Weird Michelle.

Michele, do tell,
Do you even possess one brain cell
One tiny cell?

Just shut up, just shut up, just shut up
You have nothing to say
Would you just go away
And crawl back under that rock from whence you
Ca-ame yesterday.

Michele, Oh well,
You’ve been put under a right-wing spell
A sure death knell

On Fox News, on Fox News, on Fox News
That’s where you’ll always be
Republican TV
With Hannity and O’Reilly
And Coulter, the queen

We mock you…

We want you, we want you, we want you,
To leave the air-waves now
And lose your job somehow
Until you do we’re telling you so
You’ll understand.

Michele, farewell
Take with you that foul sulfuric smell
Sulfuric smell.

We will say the only words we know that
You’ll understand, “Go to Hell.”

Bachmann Gives Everyone (Including Herself) A Crippling Headache

The wacky world of moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann just keeps on spinning out of control in its own alternative universe. On Planet Bachmann the “shot heard round the world” was fired from New Hampshire. Our nation’s founding fathers were not actual slave owners, but rather they “worked tirelessly to end slavery”. Climate change is a “hoax”. “Hundreds and hundreds” of Nobel Prize winning scientists “believe in intelligent design” and not in the theory of evolution. Judges tell children that they “must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it”. Homosexuals “are part of Satan” and federal subsidies and Medicaid are horrible unless they are paid in the form of farm subsidies to Bachmann’s family and Medicaid payments to her husband’s counseling center which tells its patients they can “pray the gay away” (BTW, Marcus Bachmann should take a look in the mirror). Planet Bachmann you see, is very much like Bizarro World, the alternative cube-shaped planet often visited by Superman in which the planetary code of conduct is “Us do opposite of all Earthly things! Us hate beauty! Us love ugliness! Is big crime to make anything perfect on Bizarro World!”

The beauty of the unexplored territories of Planet Bachmann is that we learn something new, weird and interesting every day. For instance, she told us last week,

“If Congress fails to raise the debt ceiling by $2.5 trillion that somehow the United States will go into default and we will lose the full faith and credit of the United States. That is simply not true.”

Well, Michele, on Planet Bachmann it may not be true but here on Planet Earth it certainly is. In fact, the only other person that seems to agree with Bachmann is her special visiting dignitary Ron Paul from the Planet Paul. Everyone with even half a brain here on Earth knows that if the debt ceiling is not raised so that the U.S. can live up to its obligations and pay its bills, the value of the dollar will plummet, the deficit will soar, the nation’s credit rating will plummet, interest rates will soar and we might be driven into an economic depression.

But wait, there is more. We learned yesterday that the Tea Party-backed Republican candidate for President frequently suffers from severe migraine headaches that have at least three times landed her in the hospital. The Daily Caller reports that Bachmann “suffers from stress-induced medical episodes that she has characterized as severe headaches.” So stress causes Bachmann to suffer debilitating headaches which require hospitalization? Well then obviously on Planet Bachmann, the Presidency is a job which induces no stress at all. Unfortunately for Bachmann and all other Earthlings however, the Presidency of the United States is probably the most stress-filled position on Earth. Imagine this conversation with a top adviser:

Adviser: “Ms. President we have a problem and I need to speak to you.”

President Bachmann: “What is it?”

Adviser: “We just received credible information that terrorist hijackers have entered our airspace and plan to crash the aircraft into strategic and symbolic U.S. targets.”

President Bachmann: “I haven’t got time for this now. I just developed a debilitating headache and I need to check in to the hospital. Talk to me in a day or to when this thing passes.”

How is that for a cool headed Commander In Chief? There is also the question as to just what level of stress induces these headaches. Is it the huge amount of stress which occurs during an international event or is it the more mundane type of stress induced  by say, an economic recession or an opposing party Senate minority leader who claims that his highest priority is to have you defeated in the next election? The situations are countless but do we Americans really want the opportunity to have this type of a headache of  our own? Lynnrockets thinks not.

The best course of action would be for all of us to click our heels together and chant, “Back to Planet Bachmann, Back to Planet Bachmann, Back to Planet bachmann…” Hey it worked in a movie I once saw.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Woman song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnluciYGFXg

REPUBLICAN WOMEN

(sung to the Guess Who song “American Woman”)

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women, they’ve really lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Say “R”, say “E”, say “P”
Say “L”, say “I”, say “C”
Say “A” “N”

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Republican women, stay away from me
Republican women, from the G.O.P.
You are someone I’ll just ignore
I don’t wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
And I will never be sold on you

Now women, I said stay away

Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, have no dignity
Republican women, and their tea-parties
Like I told you the time before
Michele Bachmann is just a bore
Mann Coulter I do despise
Malkin has a lazy eye
Now women, I said get away
Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, it’s clear as day
Republican women, they’re no Tina Fey
Talk about defending our shores
Their husbands prefer time with whores
Jean Schmidt always makes a scene
Sarah Palin thinks she’s queen
Mary Matalin’s hypnotized
Ingraham’s mouth is super-sized
Now women, from the G.O.P.
Republican women, mama let me be

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
Now go go go
Gonna leave you, women
Gonna leave you, women
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
You’re no good for me
I’m no good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye.
Tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go, women
I’m gonna leave, women
Goodbye, Republican women