Daily Archives: April 7, 2010

Palin & Bachmann: The Whack And the Hack

The Minneapolis, Minnesota zoo has a new traveling exhibit this afternoon. Two rare specimens of the koo-koo bird are on display today at the city’s convention center. The line was forming early for citizens to get a look at both Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. It is believed that this is the most insanity ever confined to one cage since the condition of mental illness was first diagnosed. The Minnesota Republican Party is hopeful that the carnival-like freak-show will draw curious Tea-Baggers from all over the state. One Party official was cautiously optimistic that the dim-witted duo would garner more souvenir photograph sales than the present record holder, “Louie, the Lobster-Clawed Lad from Louisville”. Others are worried about the potential outbreak of violence, however. One zoo official admitted that it is not unusual for two mentally disturbed animals to fight to the death when caged together. Consequently, Democrats are hopeful.

The event is ostensibly a fund raiser for the re-election of Michele Bachmann to the US Senate. Bachmann claimed that more than 11,000 tickets had been distributed for the event, adding “Take that, Liberals!” She seems to be proud of the fact that she is considered a strange curiosity like “Timmy the Two-Headed Horse”. She also failed to mention that  tickets to the event are free. She referred to the newly enacted Health Care Reform Law as an “infamous monstrosity of a vote to nationalize effectively health care in the United States of America.” She then promised “repeal is what this girl is going to be all about after November.” Her brain is so limited however, that she fails to understand that repeal of the law is virtually impossible without 67 Republican Senators to override a Presidential veto.

As crazy as she is, Bachmann was overshadowed by the foolishness displayed by Sarah Palin. The former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska and current reality tv host immediately riled up the educationally challenged crowd by saying “the tea party is growin’ and steamin’.” Next, she lauded the Tea-Baggers for “clinging to your guns and religion like the rest of us.” In an apparent slip-up however, the Queen of Quit admitted that Republicans are, in fact, “The Party of NO”. Try to decipher this gibberish that she emitted,

What’s wrong with being the Party of NO when you consider what Obama, Pelosi and Reid are trying to do to our country? So be it.  Not when it violates our Constitution!

Um Sarah, not when what violates our constitution? Could you please be a bit more lucid?

The event was still taking place when this column went to press. We will keep you advised if the two crazy birds get into a cat fight. Please stay tuned.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Two Of Us song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1Y3PlmwnRM

TWO OF US

(sung to the Beatles song “Two Of Us”)

Two of us dying our hair
Spending someone’s hard earned pay
You and me both conniving
Numbers diving in all recent polls
Our brains out on loan
Just like Fred Flintstone
We are two clones

Two of us freakin’ retards
Signing book sleeves at the mall
Sending Twitter dispatches
Try and catch us as we mount our thrones
We have empty domes
Just watch our mouths foam
We love to drone

We both have short memories
Like a dead end road
There’s nothing in our heads

Two of us spewing misquotes
Stooping so low, having fun
Never reading the papers
Scheming capers on the telephone
From our pricey homes
In the twilight zone
We are two clones

We both have short memories
Like a dead end road
There’s nothing in our heads

Bachmann is casting “No” votes
Palin showboats with her guns
Both of them are just fakers
Trouble makers when they’re not at home
Whereabouts unknown
They’ll reap what they’ve sown
They are two clones

They are just two clones

Yes sir

Sarah Palin Is A “Quit-Wit”

Anyone know Sarah Palin’s favorite sporting event? Why, the Iquitarod, of course.

The “Queen of Quit” has done it again. First, Sarah Palin quit four different safety-school colleges before finally obtaining a less than stellar Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Idaho. Thereafter, she quit her position as Chairperson of the Alaska Oil & Gas Conservation Commission. That of course, was followed by her quitting as Governor of Alaska last July after barely serving half of her first elected term. Now she has quit as a donor and speaker for the Republican National Committee (RNC).

After it was revealed last week that the RNC paid for some ribald revelry at a lesbian/bondage/strip-club, Palin reasoned that it would not be good for her fabricated brand as a “family values – hockey mom” to be associated any longer with that group of neanderthals. Consequently, she demanded that her name be removed from a list of invited speakers at an RNC event in New Orleans. She also publicly announced that she would no longer donate or help to raise funds for the group.

Palin’s disassociation with the RNC for those stated reasons is a bit puzzling, however. She continues to campaign on behalf of her former ticket-mate John McCain even though it has been widely published that he once refereed to his wife as the “C” word in public. She also campaigned for and continues to support Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown despite the fact that he posed nude for a centerfold spread after she criticized her once-and-future son-in-law, Levi Johnston for participating in “porn” when he did the same. Wasn’t she also in favor of young daughter Bristol’s association with the Candies company despite its lurid and sexually charged advertising campaigns? Finally, she continues to court and support the Tea-Baggers and their violent and racist behavior towards Democrats. Sarah palin sure has some mixed up values.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

You’re So Vain song link: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3dzr8_youre-so-vain-carly-simon_music

YOU’RE  SO LAME

(sung to the Carly Simon song, “You’re So Vain”)

You’re in the G.O.P. party
You think of yourself as a big shot
Your rimless glasses in front of your two eyes
Your shoes are a polka dot
You’re a fashion disaster, like
A whore in the parking lot
And John McCain dreamed that he’d be your partner
He’d be your partner, but

You’re so lame
You probably thought you’d win the election
You’re to blame
For causing massive voter rejection
Yes you. Yes you.

You hurried back to Alaska
Where you were still known as the Guv
You showed your disdain for the Legislature
You thought you could push and shove
But they taught you a thing or two
When they shot down Wayne Ross
Now there’s your problem with mass ethics complaints
Mass ethics complaints, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection

Now there’s your problem with mass ethics complaints
Mass ethics complaints, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection
Yes you. Yes you.

Well, I hear you flew down to NYC
And took little Bristol along
You need to mend some fences with the G.O.P.
While Bristol sings her abstinence song
With the Fox News folks you’ll wine and dine
And take a photo or two
Then you’ll return to Alaska as a disaster
As a disaster, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection
Yes you. Yes you.