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Sarah Palin – Reprise

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from November 19, 2009. Please enjoy again!

Sarah Palin, The Sometimes Reluctant Covergirl

There she goes again. Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska is once again claiming to be a victim of the mainstream media. This time the target of her accusation is the November 22, 2oo9 edition of Newsweek magazine (see above). On Monday, Palin posted the following on her Facebook page:

“The choice of photo for the cover of this week’s Newsweek is unfortunate. When it comes to Sarah Palin, this ‘news’ magazine has relished focusing on the irrelevant rather than the relevant. The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist, and oh-so-expected by now.”

But is it really the photo that Ms. Quittypants is upset about for being “sexist”? After all, she did pose for that photo and never objected publicly to the nearly identical photos published this year in a running magazine. And do “sexist” magazine covers always bother her? If so, then why did she not complain about being referred to as “America’s Hottest Governor” on the cover of the February 2008 edition of Alaska magazine? No, we would venture to guess that Palin is not as upset at the photo which appears on the cover of Newsweek, but rather the caption which accompanies it. It says, “How do you solve a problem like Sarah? She’s bad news for the GOP – and for everybody else, too.” It seems that the clearly “sexist” caption of the Alaska magazine was okay for Sarah because it was flattering to her. The Newsweek photo however, was highly objectionable it seems, because the accompanying caption cast Palin in such an unflattering light.

Poor Sarah, she can’t help it. She was born with a simple mind in her mouth.

And that brings us to today’s parody. In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvzHGYSv8kw

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(musical interlude)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Give your shoes a shine,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

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Welcome Back Sarah Palin!

Sarah Palin/Julianne Moore

Don’t you miss those halcyon days when every morning we were treated to some new breaking story detailing the insane antics of Sarah Palin and her family? We were all entertained on a near daily basis as Palin claimed she could see Russia or that the new health care law established “death panels” or when she claimed that Paul Revere was ringing bells and firing musket shots to warn the British during his famous midnight ride. It was hilarious to watch her struggle to name a single newspaper or magazine which she reads, or to name a Supreme Court decision which she disagreed with or to incorrectly explain the function of the Vice President to a 5th grader. Who will ever forget when she abruptly quit her position as Governor of Alaska after having served only half a term and then jumped right into the respectable field of reality television?

Ahhh, those were the days. Unfortunately (for us) however, Sarah Palin’s entertainment value came to a seemingly sudden halt last November when she announced that she would not seek the Republican nomination for President of the United States. Not only were we denied a year’s worth of belly-ache-inducing laughs, but the late night television talk shows and tabloid newspapers were denied a steady source of material.

But wait!… What’s this?… We have breaking Palin news!

We have just learned that Sarah Palin and her handlers have awoken from hibernation, crawled out of their holes and opened their mouths. it seems they are upset about the new HBO movie about The Queen of Quit. They claim that the film titled “Game Change”, which features  Julianne Moore as Palin, portrays the 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee in a harsh and unfair light.

The group of current and former Palin advisers – Jason Recher, Randy Scheunemann, Meg Stapleton, Andy Davis, Thomas Van Flein, Doug McMarlin and Tim Crawford – jointly railed against the film in a conference call with reporters last night. Recher said, “It’s a false portrait cobbled together by a bunch of people who simply weren’t there.” Former Palin spokeswoman Meg Stapleton took aim at author and film consultant Steve Schmidt (A top John McCain adviser) and said, “Steve Schmidt is proud to stretch the truth in his shoot-first style, and this time he has gone too far. He is abusive and abrasive and nothing short of a world class bully.” Randy Scheunemann said, “To call this movie fiction gives fiction a bad name.”

Those are all very damning comments about the film. Problem is, they are meritless comments. You see, CNN reports that none of them have actually seen the film and they admitted they were making their assessments based largely on the “tone” of the two-minute trailer, which at times portrays Palin as moody, arrogant and unhinged. It should also be noted that the film’s production team offered a private screening to Palin and her husband Todd – which they also declined. Sarah Palin said, “I’m really not too concerned about an HBO movie based on a false narrative when there are so many other things that we need to be talking about,” Isn’t it so Palinesque to comment upon things which one knows little to nothing about?

The film’s screenwriter Danny Strong stated in an email to CNN, “We stand by the film as being an accurate and fair portrayal of the events of the campaign. The script is also based on 25 interviews I conducted with members of the actual campaign. Secondary sources include Sarah Palin’s book ‘Going Rogue’, other books written on the campaign and innumerable newspaper and magazine articles.”

“Game Change” will be premiering on HBO on Saturday, March 10, 2012 at 9:00 PM EST. Until then, please amuse yourselves with this highlight reel of Sarah Palin’s greatest hits.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U219P_zs7w

THE WRECK OF THE SARAH L. PALIN (Version Two)

(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald ”)

The legend lives on from the North Slope on down
To the town they call Sandpoint, Idaho
The Heath’s one would say, had a daughter that day
Why they kept her, I must say, “I don’t know”

They loaded up the truck and they tested their luck
When they moved to Wasilla, Alaska
Sarah enrolled in school and was nobody’s fool
On the court they called her “Barracuda”.

In 1982 she left for Honolulu
Off to Hawaii Pacific College
She did not last long there nor at anywhere
In her quest for some meaningful knowledge.

She finally did see a journalism degree
After stints at 5 or 6 safety schools
Sometime in between she was a pageant queen
Then she worked in TV for KTUU.

She met up with her fate sometime in ’88
When her TV career was a failin’
And everyone knew, as her parents did too
She would soon be the Bride of Todd Palin.

Long before she did wed, she conceived in his bed
That was the end of her abstinency
While laid out on her back, she gave birth to Lil’ Track
The result of an unwed pregnancy.

She was now in a lurch cuz of her right wing church
But she carried on without a care
She had a beehive hairdo, but had nothing to do
That all changed when she became the Mayor.

She appointed some crooks then she banned some good books
No one lasted if they weren’t on her team
Wasilla’s deficit grew, kids fired-up on homebrew
Not to mention the methamphetamine.

She became the next Guv and to show the state love
She proposed to unite remote shore banks
But once in a bind she politely declined
To the bridge she said,”Thanks but no thanks”.

John McCain now you see had to choose a VP
His campaign was certainly failin’
He wanted a she that was trés “mavericky”
So he chose Alaska’s Sarah Palin.

But poor press reviews of her live interviews
With Couric and Gibson oft replayed
Showed she could not spar with the nightly news stars
Let alone outperform Tina Fey

The election was lost and poor Sarah was tossed
From her seat on “The Straight Talk Express”
She went home and did pose in her new store-bought clothes
But  Alaskans were not now impressed

She’s no longer a saint due to ethics complaints
She has nobody left now to wink at
Her opinions ignored and her actions abhorred
“Hockey mom” once again is a rink rat

Her career was a blip, it was a sinking ship
Her supporters are jumpin’ and bailin’
Her character flaws became the final straw
For the wreck known as Sarah L. Palin

Sarah Palin Is Gingrich’s Newest Mistress!

The Christmas season may be over but progressive bloggers just received another present. Lo and behold, Sarah Palin has reemerged (no word on whether or not she saw her shadow).

Just prior to the Republican South Carolina primary election (and dutifully following in the footsteps of husband Todd “First Dude” Palin), Sarah Palin has endorsed Newt “3 Wives” Gingrich. She did so while appearing on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show (where else?). When Hannity asked Palin if she would endorse Gingrich she said, “If I had to vote in South Carolina, in order to keep this thing going, I’d vote for Newt.”

The next day after receiving Palin’s endorsement, the serial-philandering Newt Gingrich made an announcement and promise of his very own. While appearing on CNN‘s Wolf Blitzer show (what? Not Fox?), Gingrich was asked whether he would consider naming Sarah Palin his Vice Presidential running mate in light of her endorsement. Gingrich replied as follows: “I would ask her to consider taking a major role in the next administration if I’m president…”.

A “major role” in a Presidential administration generally means a cabinet appointment. Can you imagine the likes of Sarah Palin having a cabinet position? Yikes! What particular position might that be?

Secretary of State:  Nope. Palin believes that North Korea is our ally;

Secretary of Defense:  Nope. Palin has a “trigger finger” as demonstrated on her reality television show;

Secretary of Labor:  Not a chance. There are too many questions surrounding her own labor while carrying her fifth child.

Secretary of Transportation:  Nope. An in-depth knowledge of the working of snow-machines is not a qualification;

Secretary of Agriculture:  Nope. Not much agriculture in the snowy wilds of Alaska;

Secretary of Education:  Nope. Palin is shockingly unqualified for this position inasmuch as it took her 6 years and 5 different colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree. Also, have you ever heard her try to speak? Her unfamiliarity with American history was on display when she said that Paul Revere was warning the British by means of firing musket shots and ringing bells on his famous “Midnight Ride”;

Secretary of Energy: “Drill Baby, Drill” – No Chance;

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:  Nope. Palin has never been in an urban area for any period of time and have you noticed the lack of building codes in Alaska? If not, go to the beautiful City of Wasilla sometime;

Secretary of Health and Human Services:  Nope. I refer you to the aforementioned wild plane rides while in labor with her 5th child;

Secretary of Veterans Affairs:  Nope. She has a publicly stated hatred for entitlements of all kinds;

Secretary of Commerce:  Nope. she played too loose and fast with her own PAC’s funds and she charged the taxpayers of Alaska for all those plane trips and hotels enjoyed by her children. Don’t forget all those expensive RNC-purchased clothes that she never returned;

Secretary of Homeland Security:  Nope. Palin mistakenly thinks that when “Putin raises his head and enters U.S. airspace”, he does so over Alaska;

Secretary of Treasury:  Nope. See Secretary of Commerce;

Attorney General: Nope. She is not qualified to be an attorney; and

UN Ambassador:  God help us!

Perhaps Newt Gingrich should simply consider appointing Sarah Palin to the only secretary position she is qualified for. She spends so much time on Facebook and Twitter, that she would be an excellent data entry clerk in the general secretarial pool.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Copacabana song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMHp9a5FwrI

COPACAVILLA

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “Copacabana”)

Her name was Sarah, She was a schoolgirl
With lots of style gel in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She used to play flute, and she was Todd’s type
And yes she was a sportscaster, a job that she could not master
Although she was a pup, with Todd she got knocked-up
They were young and they had each other
Just a mere hiccup

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Those rimless glasses made them look like asses
At the Copa…they fell in love

(Copa Copacavilla)

His name was Toddie, she liked his body
They got married one fine day, He insisted he’s not gay
They said a prayer, then she was mayor
But to add some attitude, she changed his name to the “First Dude”
Sarah then hired some crooks, and then she banned some books
There was trouble with city contracts
So they cooked the books

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Handouts and kickbacks and lots of “Joe Sixpacks”
At the Copa…next it was Guv

(Copa..Copacavilla)
(Copa Copacavilla) (Copacavilla, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Copa Copacavilla)
(Wasilla,  rhymes with vanilla)
(Dumbness and fashion… were always her passion)

Her name is Sarah, she is the Guv’nor
She even tried to be V.P.,  cuz she was so damn “Mavericky”
That was a pipedream for our gal, Sarah
The job was above her pay-grade. More substance in lemonade
Her inlaw getting high. Now she just hates Levi
She lost the race and she lost her mojo
Now she’s lost her mind!

At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla (Copacavilla)
The hottest spot north of Wasilla (Here)
At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla
No education. Unwed procreation
At the Copa…That’s our dear Guv

(Copa) That’s our dear Guv
Copacavilla
Copacavilla
(Fade to end)

Palin Is Failin’

Think about this for a moment. When is the last time you heard any mention of Sarah Palin since she announced that would not seek the Republican Party nomination for President? It has been a long time hasn’t it? Most of you have probably not heard mention of her since that very day of October 5, 2011.

During a radio interview that day, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska told a conservative host that she could actually be more influential and powerful if she was not in fact, elected to the most influential and powerful office in the world. She said, “Not being a candidate, really you are unshackled and you’re able to be even more active. I need to be able to say what I want to say.” This type of confusing double-speak of course, was a Palin trademark since that unfortunate day in 2008 when John McCain unleashed the “Disaster from Alaska” on the Lower 48.

Unfortunately for Sarah Palin, her new-found “unshackled” status with its freedom to be “more active” and “to say what I want to say” has been a one-way street. You see, the American people no longer care what Sarah Palin has to say and they are not interested in what she does. Additionally, Palin has certainly not been “more active” than she was during the days of her book tours and PAC-sponsored family-vacations. Indeed, her prediction of enhanced influence in the political realm seems to have been “unshackled” from reality.

Palin is aware of her diminishing star power however, and she is determined to place herself back in the spotlight. Much like her intentionally long-delayed presidential announcement was designed to maintain her relevance for as long as possible, her present reluctance to endorse a presidential candidate serves the same purpose. By teasing her Tea Party sycophants who tend to obey her every command, Palin has maintained some relevance within that small but diminishing faction of society.

But Sarah Palin craves more than that. Tea Party relevance does not necessarily translate into money and stardom. Palin cannot simply release another ghost-written book either because most Americans no longer seem to care what she has to say. Consequently, Palin realizes that the only avenue remaining is a return to low-brow reality television like so many other washed-up celebrities. The fact that she and her family fit the mold of dysfunctional sit-com soap-opera characters only adds to the allure of the boob tube.

Consequently, we learned this weekend that her former reality show, Sarah Palin’s Alaska” may return for a second season following its hiatus during the Queen of Quit’s flirtation with a presidential run last season. This second season would presumably feature more staged vignettes of Sarah and family fishing, hunting, bickering and drilling for oil. It has been rumored that the re-emergence of this particular show followed Palin’s failed attempt to create a spin-off series featuring husband Todd the “First Dude” on the professional snow-machine circuit. Apparently TLC could not be convinced that snowmobile racing is the next NASCAR. Of the renewed series however, a network source told the Hollywood Reporter, “I think it is safe to say her time has passed.”

Ahh Sarah Palin, we hardly knew ye!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky4wu58XTr4

SARAH PALIN’S COMING TO TOWN

(sung to the Patti Page version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

Get your wallet out
Wink and blink your eyes
Holler and shout
At protesting guys
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

She’ll fleece you while your sleeping
Your money she will take
She’ll force you to purchase her book
Although the story’s fake

Oh, get your money out
So that you can buy
Can’t be without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Frivolous Lawsuit-Hating Palin To File Her Own Frivolous Lawsuit?

"I'll get you Joe McGinniss!"

Last week, author (and former Palin neighbor) Joe McGinniss released his scathing book about Sarah Palin, titled, “The Rogue: Searching For The Real Sarah Palin”. The acclaimed author certainly found out a lot about Sarah Palin and he was not shy about including the naked truth in his book.

McGinniss is the investigative journalist who infamously moved in next door to the Palins during the summer of 2010 while researching his book. In an effort to shield her family from the ever watchful eye of McGinniss, Palin constructed a ridiculously high spite-fence. Not only did the fence impede McGinniss’ sight lines, but it also looked terrible and probably decreased the value of the Palin property. The sex-obsessed SarahPalin justified the fence by alleging that McGinniss was some sort of perverted Peeping Tom. In a contemporaneous Facebook entry, she wrote,

Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom…

The fence did not prevent McGinniss from gathering his facts however, and they do not paint a pretty portrait of Sarah Palin or her family. For instance, the book states that McGinniss was told that Sarah Palin snorted cocaine off an overturned 55-gallon drum during a snowmobile excursion, slept with college (and later NBA) basketball star Glen Rice when she was an unmarried 23-year-old sports reporter (McGinniss talked to Rice for the book and he confirmed the relationship) and had an affair with Brad Hanson, husband Todd Palin‘s business partner, apparently as payback for her husband’s infidelities.

McGinniss also wrote that he was told that “By November 2001, Sarah’s domestic life was in tatters.… Time with friends — not that there were many friends — would degenerate into marital squabbles, raised voices, and frequent threats of divorce. A recurring cause of conflict was Sarah’s inability or refusal to act as mother to her children.” McGinniss also suggests “that Palin’s “hockey mom” image is the most stage-managed sort of lie. “Friends recall,” McGinniss observes, “that when Todd was working on the North Slope, the children literally would have a hard time finding enough to eat. ‘Those kids had to fend for themselves,’ one says. ‘I’d walk into that kitchen and Bristol and Willow would be sitting there with a burnt pot of Kraft mac and cheese on the stove … and Sarah would be up in her bedroom with the door closed saying she didn’t want to be disturbed.”‘

Ouch! All of this scathing information was certain to leave a lasting scar on the Palin family. It has. The first to respond was “First Dude” Todd Palin. In a statement to reporters immediately after the book’s release he described the book as “disgusting lies, innuendo, and smears. This is a man who has been relentlessly stalking my family to the point of moving in right next door to us to harass us and spy on us to satisfy his creepy obsession with my wife.”

Now the second Palin shoe has dropped. CNN reports that Sarah Palin has “threatened to sue the book’s author for including what her lawyer called a “series of lies and rumors presented as fact.” The CNN report also states that “In a letter sent to the book’s publisher, Crown Publishing Group, Palin’s lawyer said Monday both McGinniss and Crown knowingly published false information and ‘defamed the Palins.”‘

It is obvious that McGinniss’ book has hit a Palin nerve, but the author stands by the veracity of his written assertions. he stated the following to CNN’s “American Morning”:

“Sarah Palin has lived an outrageous life. All I did was talk to people about it, and they documented it for me. When I was comfortable with the veracity of what I heard, I put it into the book. There were a lot of things that I wasn’t comfortable with, that I didn’t put them in.”

Palin’s threatened lawsuit would be quite interesting. The discovery process alone would require her to make statements “under the pains and penalties of perjury” in the form of answers to written interrogatories and live deposition testimony. Furthermore, the Plaintiff (in this case Sarah Palin) bears the burden of proving that McGinniss’ statements are false and true statements are an absolute defense to her action. Palin also bears the additional burden of dealing with what is known as the “public figure doctrine”. That doctrine provides that for a public official (or other legitimate public figure) to win a libel case, the statement must have been published knowing it to be false or with reckless disregard to its truth, (also known as actual malice). That is a very difficult burden to prove for a public figure such as Sarah Palin.

Just wondering, but does the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska really want to expose herself to a lawsuit wherein her statements and those of family members and others would be made under oath and made public? Enquiring minds want to know.

This gives us the opportunity to re-post a song parody (with slight modifications0 which was originally written the last time that Palin threatened to sue somebody for libel. The subject of the song is Sarah Palin’s long-time attorney, Thomas Van Flein, Esq. Please enjoy.

Please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Please Mr. Postman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8BPcNUQy-0

MR. VAN FLEIN (Version II)

(sung to The Beatles version of the song “Please, Mr. Postman”)

Wait, oh yes wait a minute mister postman
Wait, wait mister postman

Mister postman look and see
You got a summons in your bag for me?
I been waiting such a long time
Since I heard from Thomas Van Flein

There must be some word today
From Ms. Palin’s own attorney
Please mister postman look and see
If there’s a summons, to be served on me
I been writing and waiting mister postman
So patiently
For just a call. I got his letter
Saying that he would be suing me

Please mister postman look and see
If there’s a summons in your bag for me
I’ve been waitin’ for Thomas Van Flein
To prove to me that he has a spine

Wants to sue off my ass this time
For what she considers a crime
Threatening me makes her feel better
Palin will learn I’m not a bed wetter

Sarah Palin look at me
You shouldn’t hang out your dirty laundry
I’ll report it in my due time
Go tell that to Thomas Van Flein

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
Check it and see, one more time for me

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
Mister postman
Deliver the letter, the sooner the better

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
(repeat to fade)

Palin’s “Cougar Crush” And Possible Divorce

This week’s episode of “Sarah Palin and her Wasilla Hillbillies” features her husband Todd Palin and her almost son-in-law Levi Johnston. Tune in to witness family intrigue as the entire cast must deal with rumors of Caribou Barbie’s infidelity and the pressures it has placed on the entire Palin clan.

The episode begins as Levi Johnston gives an interview and says that Sarah Palin had a “Cougar Crush” on him. For those of you that may be unfamiliar with that term, it  is defined by UrbanDictionary.com as follows:

“The heart fluttering sensation experienced by women of a certain age upon seeing a man of much younger years, usually sporting six-pack abs, boyish innocence, and a clear willingness to learn. Side effects include: unclean thoughts, raised hemlines, and a deep desire to take on the role of tutor.”

Check out the E Online video here.

Come to think of it, from all that we have heard about Palin, the description seems quite believable. Inasmuch as Levi was sleeping and having a having a baby with the abstinence-only preaching daughter Bristol Palin at the same time, suffice to say that there must have been a lot of sexual tension in Chez Palin.

Scene two involves the allegation that Todd “First Dude” Palin is divorcing the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. The Enquirer reports that Todd is “fed up” with the constant scandals surrounding his marriage. The recent book written by author Joe McGinniss, The Rogue: Searching For The Real Sarah Palin reveals that Sarah Palin had a one-night stand with former NBA star Glen Rice just prior to her marriage to Todd Palin as well as a six-month affair with her husband’s business partner, Brad Hanson.

This is certainly “Must See TV” so tune in to every network (except Fox News) this week at prime-time for more salacious details.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody also too.

The Beverly Hillbillies song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_XAPku7SgE&feature=related

THE WASSILLA HILLBILLIES – PART 3

(sung to the theme of “The Beverly Hillbillies”)

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a gal named Sarah
Not too many brains but a whole lot of mascara.
Her hair is in a beehive and she has some lipstick too,
She tried to run for V.P. but she didn’t have a clue.

Knowledge that is,   Bush Doctrine?,    Job of V.P. ?

Well the first thing ya know Obama left her in the dust,
So she joined the Tea Party to engage in some blood-lust
She said, “The Johnston family are so dumb that they just drool”
Then daughter Bristol and Levi dropped right on out of school.

Embarrasment that is,   Birth’n Babies,    Quittin’ Jobs.

Well now its time to say good-bye to Sarah and her kin,
The First Dude and his wife have some wounds that need lick’n.
The whole Palin clan now studies the encyclopedia,
So they can handle “Gotcha Questions” from the “lamestream” media.

Couric, that is.   Charlie Gibson,    Tina Fey..

Y’all come back now, y’hear?

Palins Are Wailin’ And Flailin’ About McGinniss Book

Just one more week before author Joe McGinniss’ long-awaited “The Rogue: Searching For The Real Sarah Palin” hits the bookstores. From what we know about the book already, it is sure to have Sarah Palin, her family and supporters in full damage-control mode. But the real damage will have already been done. McGinniss’ book and Levi Johnston’s tell-all tome (“Deer In The Headlights: My Life In Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs“) will be released the same day and they will provide the uppercut and knockout blow ending any hope of a Palin run for the U.S. Presidency.

We reported on the Johnston book yesterday, so let’s spend today’s post commenting on the Joe McGinniss book. McGinniss is the investigative journalist who infamously moved in next door to the Palins during the summer of 2010 while researching his book. In an effort to shield her family from the ever watchful eye of McGinniss, Palin constructed a ridiculously high spite fence. Not only did the fence impede McGinniss’ sight lines, but it also looked terrible and probably decreased the value of the Palin property. Palin justified the fence by alleging that McGinniss was some sort of perverted peeping tom. In a contemporaneous Facebook entry, she wrote,

Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom…

The fence did not prevent McGinniss from gathering his facts however, and they do not paint a pretty portrait of Sarah Palin or her family. The Los Angeles Times reports the book reveals that,

Palin snorted cocaine off an overturned 55-gallon drum during a snowmobile excursion, slept with college (and later NBA) basketball star Glen Rice when she was an unmarried 23-year-old sports reporter (McGinniss talked to Rice for the book and he confirmed the relationship) and had an affair with Brad Hanson, Todd Palin‘s business partner, apparently as payback for her husband’s infidelities.

Also,  “By November 2001,”  he writes, “… Sarah’s domestic life was in tatters.… Time with friends — not that there were many friends — would degenerate into marital squabbles, raised voices, and frequent threats of divorce. A recurring cause of conflict was Sarah’s inability or refusal to act as mother to her children.” Indeed, the LA Times column goes on to say that McGinniss suggests “that Palin’s “hockey mom” image is the most stage-managed sort of lie. “Friends recall,” McGinniss observes, “that when Todd was working on the North Slope, the children literally would have a hard time finding enough to eat. ‘Those kids had to fend for themselves,’ one says. ‘I’d walk into that kitchen and Bristol and Willow would be sitting there with a burnt pot of Kraft mac and cheese on the stove … and Sarah would be up in her bedroom with the door closed saying she didn’t want to be disturbed.'” Ouch! That is sure to leave a mark.

But McGinniss was not finished there. The LA Times says that McGinniss also writes that “when Catherine Taylor, the Palins’ next-door neighbor, squawks about their decision to cut a road across her property, “Todd told her, very plainly, that Sarah was mayor and they could do whatever they wanted, and it would be a mistake for her to try to stop them,” while a man named Dewey Taylor (no relationship to Catherine Taylor) has his truck window shot out after delivering chairs to McGinniss’ house.

The New York Times reports that McGinniss even writes of the theory that Sarah Palin may not be the mother of her youngest son, Trig. He calls into question “the circumstances under which he was born. Mr. McGinniss puts forth a provocative case for doubting Ms. Palin’s account of Trig’s birth, which involved a round trip between Alaska and Texas while she was supposedly in labor.” McGinniss then concludes by writing,

The time has come to strike the tent, no matter how much my book sales might benefit from a Palin presidential campaign in 2012, I sincerely hope that the whole extravaganza, which has been unblushingly underwritten by a mainstream media willing to gamble the nation’s future in exchange for the cheap thrill of watching a clown in high heels on a flying trapeze, is nearing the end of its run.

The Palin response to the book so far? Politico reports that “[i]n a statement to reporters, Todd Palin described the book as “disgusting lies, innuendo, and smears.”‘ The First Dude also said, “This is a man who has been relentlessly stalking my family to the point of moving in right next door to us to harass us and spy on us to satisfy his creepy obsession with my wife.”

We have not yet heard a direct response from Sarah Palin, but feel free to hold your breath. We all know from past experience that the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska is incapable of ignoring criticism. It will only be a matter of minutes before she posts some sort of assault on either Facebook or Twitter. She simply cannot help herself.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Paperback Writer song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH3TvSxT288

PAPERBACK WRITER II

(sung to the Beatles song “Paperback Writer”)

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Dear Todd and Sarah, will you read my book?
It took me months to write while I had a look
All of those things that I could see and hear
I put them in my book and I’m gonna be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Its a dirty story of a dirty clan
Led by Sarah Palin and her “First Dude” man
I learned so much by reading through their mail
They’re a seedy mob but its fun to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

It’s a thousand pages give or take a few,
It has some photos I took from my scenic view.
I must admit the Palins never do smile
They just sulked around in plain site of this paperback writer,
Paperback writer

I loved all the fighting I could hear at night
It wafted through the fence despite its massive height.
You’ll learn all about them so please have no fear,
They will quiver and quake but I’m gonna be a paperback writer.
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Paperback writer – paperback writer
Paperback writer – paperback writer
(fading)

Newsweek’s Todd “First Dude” Palin Fluff Piece

Last week Newsweek magazine released a fluff piece about Sarah Palin’s husband titled “The Model Political Spouse – Todd Palin Can Handle Another Campaign. Friends Hope He Won’t Have To Prove It.” The article was so lacking in substance that it would have been more fitting in People or US Weekly.

The author, Zev Chafets, provided approximately one and a half pages of a description of a lunch and visit with Todd Palin’s father, Jim Palin. The only thing we learned about the senior Palin was that he had never eaten calamri, he is retired, and he does not like to discuss daughter-in-law Sarah Palin’s political career. The only noteworthy tidbit gleamed from the author’s visit with Jim Palin was that the the former ex-quitting half-term governor’s household yard looks the way we would expect it to look. He wrote, “The Palins’ yard is strewn with five snowmobiles, half a dozen dusty trucks, several small aluminum boats, a couple of airplane floats, a trampoline, and a little plastic basketball hoop. ” Did we really expect anything different from the Wasilla Hillbillies?

The article also contained brief portions of the author’s conversation with one of Todd’s friends. Martin Buser the Iditarod racer hopes that, for Todd’s sake, Sarah palin does not seek the Republican nomination for president. Buser said, “He’s secure enough to have a successful woman; he’d be fine with the limelight Sarah would get as president. But would he suffer, shut up indoors at the White House? Absolutely he would.” Sort of like describing how a koala bear loses it s essence for life while being caged-up at the zoo. Buser went on to describe the type of individuals that impress Todd. He said, “We met a lot of important people, but it takes somebody real accomplished to impress a guy like Todd, an athlete at the top of his game who has won so often on his own terms.” Apparently in Buser’s opinion only accomplished athletes impress Todd. Forget about great intellects or those those folks folks who have bettered the world with great humanitarian accomplishments. Jeesh, with friends like Martin Buser, does Todd need any enemies?

Chafets’ article was most disappointing however,  for its failure to critique Todd Palin in any meaningful way. For instance, there was no mention of the fact that for 7 years (1995-2002) Palin was registered as a member of the Alaskan Independence Party which has a goal of having the state of Alaska secede from the United States of America. The article also failed to mention that on October 10, 2008, Todd Palin was cited in special investigator Stephen Branchflower’s report to the Alaskan Legislative Council. One of Branchflower’s four main findings was that Governor Sarah Palin violated Alaska’s Ethics Act when she “wrongfully permitted Todd Palin to use the governor’s office…to continue to contact subordinate state employees in an effort to find some way to get her former brother-in-law, State Trooper Mike Wooten fired.” Finally, why no mention of the published reports that Todd was a frequent recipient of massages and possibly more from an Alaskan prostitute?

You would think after reading this fluff piece that Newsweek magazine was actually a Todd “First Dude” Palin fanzine.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more singing along with today’s topical, song parody. Please enjoy!

“Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeAbgBPP_N4&feature=related

FIRST DUDE, DON’T TAKE YOUR LOVE TO TOWN

 (sung to the Kenny Rogers song “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town”)

You’ve pulled on your mukluks
And combed and gelled your graying hair
First Dude are you contemplating
Leaving Mama Bear
I bought that blow-up doll
For you so you could fool around
Oh First Dude
Don’t take your love to town

Oh was it me
Who drove you to that massage table whore?
While I was making dough
Talking ‘bout patriotic wars
And yes, it’s true that
I’m not the wife I used to be
Oh, First Dude, you still know I’m “mavericky”

It’s hard to love a wife
Who breeds dissent and always lies
But the wants and the needs of a woman my age
Just cannot be denied
And it won’t be long I’ve heard them say until I’m not around
Oh First Dude
Don’t take your love to town

Todd’s leaving now cause
I just heard the slamming of the door
But frankly I don’t give a damn
If he’s on a sex tour
Still I just might move to get my gun
And put him in the ground
Oh First Dude
Don’t take your love to town

Oh First Dude
For my sake turn around

The Palin’s Have Become The Kardashians

The Kardashian family is the purest example of fame for fame’s sake alone that this great nation of ours can lay claim to. Think of it for a moment. Nobody would have ever heard of any of the Kardashians if O.J. Simpson had not retained Robert Kardashian as part of his “dream team” of legal eagles to defend him in his murder trial. At the time, what was most notable about Kardashian was not his legal expertise, but the fact that he had not practiced law in over 20 years and had allowed his license to practice law to expire. Did he inspire a nation with his legal acumen in the Simpson case? Not so much. He merely sat next to Simpson during the trial while the real lawyers successfully defended the former football star.

Somehow, a star was born. From that point onward anyone with the name Kardashian became an overnight celebrity without having demonstrated any sort of expertise in any field whatsoever. Oldest daughter Kourtney was completely unknown and unaccomplished until she began appearing on television reality shows such as Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and Kourtney and Kim Take New York. Daughter Kim Kardashian followed suit. She too was virtually unknown and unaccomplished until she performed in a widely distributed sex tape with her boyfriend and appeared in the reality television series Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Kim Take New York and Dancing with The Stars. Daughter Khloe Kardashian is also only known for the reality television series Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and Khloe and Lamar (along with husband Lamar Odom of the Los Angeles Lakers) as well as for being arrested and jailed for driving under the influence of alcohol. Son Robert, Jr. has done nothing but appear in the series Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Khloe and Lamar.

Despite their nonexistent achievements, nary a day can pass without media attention on at least one of the Kardashians. Is there any other American family that has accomplished so little yet gained so much fame? The answer is a resounding, “Yes”! The Palins of Wasilla Alaska.

Prior to that late summer day in 2008 when she was named as Republican John McCain’s vice presidential running mate, nobody south of Alaska had ever heard of Sarah Palin. That anonymity ended suddenly however, with the folksy and educationally-challenged Palin’s disastrous series of televised interviews and her inept debate performance. Her fiery stump speeches were heavily laden with one-liners but glaringly short on substance. Consequently, she and McCain were defeated soundly in the 2008 election. Nevertheless, she was considered to be physically attractive enough to catch the attention of similarly uneducated conservative men and members of the media such that she became an overnight celebrity sensation.

After losing the election, Sarah Palin began to get a taste for fame and a similar distaste for the serious world of politics. She promptly quit her position as Governor of Alaska after having served only half of one term. Since then she has had her memoir and another book ghost-written and she has embarked on two nationwide book-signing tours. She joined the lucrative speaking circuit and she has teased about a possible run for the presidency. She has joined the employ of Fox News as a commentator and she has plastered the internet tubes with Facebook postings and Twitter tweets about almost every thought that enters her tiny little head. She even appeared in her very own short-lived reality television series. Sarah Palin has become a lucrative media industry unto herself.

Her family has followed suit, also too. The tabloid magazines love to cover every Palin family trial and tribulation, and there are many. There were the drug related arrests of husband Todd’s half-sister and once-and-future son in law Levi Johnston’s mother. There was Levi Johnston’s quick rise and fall from fame as a Playboy model and potential reality television star. There were the profanity-laced Facebook tirades of two of the young Palin daughters. There was the Palin family’s attempts to have Sarah’s former brother-in-law fired as an Alaskan State Trooper. There was the alleged affair between Todd Palin and an Alaskan prostitute. All of this and we have not even mentioned Bristol yet.

Bristol Palin of course, is the one-time unwed pregnant teen daughter and high school drop-out of Sarah and Todd. During her campaign for vice president, Sarah often referred to her as the brave daughter who would soon be married to her longtime boyfriend so that the two of them would raise their child in loving harmony. Indeed, the wedding announcement was made before a televised audience. Of course none of that happened. Shortly after Palin’s campaign collapsed, so did Bristol and Levi’s wedding engagement.

After the break-up, Levi agreed to model for Playboy Magazine and Bristol accepted a high paying job with the Candies Foundation to speak out against teen pregnancy of all things. Only in America. She is getting lucratively paid to tell teens not to do exactly what she did. There have been recent rumors that at the young age of 22, Bristol has had elective plastic surgery. Like her mom, she also announced that she has been paid by a publisher to write a book. Also like her mom, Bristol has taken to the world of reality television series. Last year she appeared on Dancing With The Stars and was surrounded with the ever-present Palin aura of controversy. It was alleged that despite her poor dancing skills and the judges’ low scoring, Bristol was not voted off the show by the audience as the result of a well orchestrated effort by Sarah Palin supporters. As an encore, it was announced yesterday that Bristol will now be appearing in yet another reality series.

CNN reports, “The BIO Channel announced today that they will air 10 half-hour episodes of a currently untitled Bristol Palin/Massey brothers docu-series. The new program will center around Palin and her son Tripp’s move to Los Angeles, where they will live with actor Kyle Massey and his brother Christopher.”  David McKillop, executive vice president of programming for the A&E Network and BIO Channel, said “Bristol is the kind of personality BIO is drawn to. Her personal life has been playing out in the media for several years but this will be the first time she’s opening up her real life, with her son and her friends the Massey Brothers.”

The Palins are now officially the next Kardashians.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Should have been gone by Round 5?
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen

Lynnrockets’ Political Oscar Night Recap

John Boehner thanks the Academy

What with all the attention focused on Hollywood last night, you might not have noticed that the City of Boston held the 235th annual Political Oscars. The storied event was held on the U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) in Boston Harbor so that the Tea Partiers in the audience would feel at home. Prior to the ceremony, the nominees were paraded along the famous Freedom Trail past such historic sites as America’s first voucher-less public school, Paul Revere’s home, the site of the Boston Massacre and the Bunker Hill Monument. As they boarded Old Ironsides, they were pelted with tea-bags before they took their seats on the poop-deck. The event was not widely seen on television because all of America’s lamestream media networks were covering the “other” more popular pageant in LA. Thankfully, Al Jazeera did cover the event.

And the winners were…

Best Female Violent Rhetoric: Failed Nevada Republican Senate candidate Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle

– Runner-up: Reality TV host Sarah Palin – “It’s time to reload”

Best Male Violent Rhetoric: Fox News host and self-described “rodeo clown” Glenn Beck who said, “I want to kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel”

– Runner-up: Failed Arizona Republican Congressional candidate Jesse Kelly who, while running against Gabrielle Giffords, held a fund-raising event that was advertised as “Help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office. Shoot a fully automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly”

Best Female Fictitious Memoir: Reality TV host Sarah Palin for her “America By Heart” wherein the self-professed founding fathers-lover wrote, on page 189,  about the opinions of Founding Father John Adams, including his famous quotation, “we have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion.”   Her mistake is not in her analysis of the importance of faith to John Adams.  No, her error came in claiming that he had been a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention.” The reality is that John Adams did not participate in the Constitutional Convention. He was Ambassador to Great Britain at the time.

– Runner-up: Condoleeza Rice’s “Extraordinary, Ordinary People” because it fails to mention a single thing about the run-up to the invasion of iraq.

Best Male Fictitious Memoir: George W. Bush who quoted in “Decision Points”, Gerhard Schröder (then German Chancellor),  as having said of the run-up to the Iraq invasion, “What is true of Afghanistan is true of Iraq. Nations that sponsor terror must face consequences. If you make it fast and make it decisive, I will be with you.” Bush then wrote, “I took that as a statement of support. But when the German election arrived later that year, Schröder had a different take. He denounced the possibility of force against Iraq.” Schröder however has had this to say about Bush, “Just as I did during my subsequent meetings with the American president, I made it clear that, should Iraq … prove to have provided protection and hospitality to al-Qaida fighters, Germany would reliably stand beside the US. This connection, however, as it became clear during 2002, was false and constructed.”

– Runner-up: Donald Rumsfeld’s “Known and Unknown” in which he wrote, “Powell was not duped or misled by anybody. Nor did he lie about Saddam’s suspected WMD stockpiles. The president did not lie. The vice president did not lie. (CIA Director George) Tenet did not lie. Rice did not lie. I did not lie. . . . The far less dramatic truth is that we were wrong.” ‘Nuff said.

Best Republican Propaganist (TV): Fox News

Best Republican Propagandist (Radio): Rush Limbaugh

Best Tan: Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner (pronounced “boner”)

– Runner-up: President Barack Obama

Most Creepy Sex Scandal: Todd “First Dude” Palin for having sex with the same prostitute that wife Sarah Palin frequented for massages

– Runner-up: Former married GOP Rep. Chris Lee from New York for posting an eerie shirtless Craigslist ad allegedly searching for both female and transsexual sex partners

Biggest Lie Of The Year 2010: PolitiFact editors and reporters have chosen “government takeover of health care” as the 2010 Lie of the Year. Said Jonathan Oberlander, a professor of health policy at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill:  “The label ‘government takeover” has no basis in reality, but instead reflects a political dynamic where conservatives label any increase in government authority in health care as a ‘takeover.’ ”

– Runner-up: Moonbat-crazy Teapublican Rep. Michele Bachmann’s (MN) claim that Obama was going to spend $200 million a day on a trip to India.

Most Racist State: Arizona, for its unconstitutional “Show me your papers” law

State Which Spends Least Per Pupil On Education: Arizona

Highest Profile Employer of Illegal Immigrants: Failed GOP gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman of California

– Runner-up: Failed GOP presidential candidate Mitt(wit) Romney of Massachusetts

Most Chaste Politician: Failed GOP senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell of Delaware who does not masturbate

– First runner-up: Former ex-quitting half-term Republican governor of Alaska Sarah Palin who’s husband allegedly gets his action from her masseuse

– Second Runner-up: Bristol Palin, the former unwed pregnant teen and single mother who now preaches abstinence

Most Unlikely Presidential Candidate: Republican Donald Trump who would lead this nation out of the worst economic downturn since the great depression with the knowledge and skill he acquired after having filed for bankruptcy on at least four occasions

– Runner-up: Sarah Palin, who said on her failed un-reality television program that she’d rather be in Alaska “than in some stuffy old political office.”

It was a truly memorable night and after all the awards were handed out, the winners and runner-ups all accompanied Master of Ceremonies Charley Sheen down to Boston’s notorious red-light district “The Combat Zone” for more fun and frolic!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!