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Senator Centerfold (a/k/a Scott Brown) Gets Caught With His Pants Down

The most highly anticipated, most closely watched and most expensive Senate race in the nation is taking place in Massachusetts. The incumbent is the former Tea Party/Sarah Palin darling and centerfold model, Scott Brown and his Democratic challenger is the architect of the newly established Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, Elizabeth Warren. This particular race is considered to be so pivotal because it provides one of the best opportunities for the Democratic Party to pick-up a U.S. Senate seat so as to maintain (and possibly strengthen) its majority status.

Massachusetts of course, has historically been one of the most staunchly Democratic of states. It is one of the bluest of blue places in the nation. When Senator Ted Kennedy passed away in 2009 however, a special election to fill his seat was held in January 2010. As the result of out of state Tea Party money and some local Democratic Party apathy and overconfidence, Republican Scott Brown won that election. The very next day, Massachusetts Democrats vowed to re-energize themselves so as not only to recapture Kennedy’s Senate seat in 2012 but to ensure that Democrats hold on to every elected statewide office.

As the month’s passed, Scott Brown’s popularity began to wane both nationally and in Massachusetts. The radically conservative Tea Baggers were angered at Brown as the result of his siding with Democrats on some crucial Senate votes such as on an expensive jobs bill and he has repeatedly sided with Democrats on cloture votes which served to defeat Republican filibusters of Democratic bills. He has also lost luster amongst Bay Staters because he has been legislatively insignificant (as compared to Kennedy) and because he has been seen by many as a person who is willing to enable a child predator to continue offending. In his 2011 memoir, Against All Odds, Brown admitted that he was sexually molested as child at a local summer camp, but he has refused every request from law enforcement officials to identify the criminal so that he may be apprehended and brought to justice.

The strengthening wave of Massachusetts Democratic momentum and the ebbing tide of enthusiasm for Scott Brown became most evident during the 2010 national midterm elections. Brown’s seat was not up for election, but most every other statewide seat was in contest. The startling result was that in an election where Republican candidates won in a landslide of national elections and captured control of the US House of Representatives, the Brown-endorsed GOP candidates lost every single statewide race in Massachusetts. This made the Democratic party even stronger in that state than it was prior to Brown’s election. Suddenly Scott Brown’s formerly iron-clad grasp on the Senate seat was showing signs of weakness. What the Democrats needed however, was a strong challenger.

Enter Elizabeth Warren. The Harvard Law School professor and architect of the newly formed Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB). She brought instant momentum in the form of national support (and the out of state money which comes with that) and her high profile energized Massachusetts Democrats. Warren, who has never participated in an election and never held a political office, has managed to remain even with Brown in most every recent poll. Her tactic has been to stress the fact that throughout her career, she has fought to help the working/middle class (as a personal bankruptcy attorney) and to hold Wall Street and the Big Banks accountable for deceptive practices (see the CFPB). Meanwhile, she has characterized Brown as a errand boy for the wealthy and his Wall Street supporters. Warren never misses an opportunity to remind folks that conservative Forbes magazine named Scott Brown as one of “Wall Street’s Favorite Congressmen” (Brown also posed nude in Cosmopolitan).

But we digress. Today’s topic is how Scott Brown managed to put his foot in his mouth on at least two occasions this week.

Brown’s first blunder surfaced in his unfortunate response to President Obama’s decision to allow illegal immigrants to avoid deportation if they can prove they were brought to the United States before they turned 16 and are younger than 30, have been in the country for at least five continuous years, have no criminal history, graduated from a U.S. high school or earned a GED or served in the military. Brown, like most Republicans was caught off guard by Obama’s popular decision. The Boston Globe reports that Brown “said he opposes the change, suggesting it would set off a new wave of illegal immigration. He said he would be open to allowing young people who have chosen military service to obtain citizenship in recognition of their sacrifice. ‘Rather than sidestepping Congress on this major policy shift, the president should work with us toward a bipartisan, long-term solution,’ Brown said.”

Scott Brown apparently has a very short memory, however. He seems to have forgotten that President Obama already tried working with Congress when he offered the “bipartisan, long-term solution” known as the DREAM ACT. Brown must also have forgotten that he voted against that bi-partisan long term solution. So much for Brown’s working with Democrats and the President on the immigration issue.

Brown’s second hypocritical gaffe this week involved his conditional acceptance of participation in a televised debate with Warren. Vicki Kennedy, Senator Edward M. Kennedy’s widow, offered to host the debate at The Edward M. Kennedy ­Institute for the United States Senate. The proposed debate would be moderated by former NBC ­anchor Tom Brokaw.  Elizabeth Warren immediately accepted the invitation. Scott Brown however, conditioned his acceptance upon the condition that Vicki Kennedy would refrain from endorsing or campaigning for Warren. In a letter to the Institute, Brown’s campaign manager Jim Barnett wrote: “In order to proceed, we need to know that in keeping with the spirit of neutrality ­expressed in Vicki Kennedy’s letter that she will not endorse or otherwise get involved in this race…”

It is understandable and commendable that Scott Brown wants the debate format, organizers and moderator to remain neutral. Problem is, Scott Brown has not made any similar demand upon the host and moderator of another debate in which he has agreed to participate. Boston radio station WBZ and on air host Dan Rea have proposed a radio debate between Brown and Warren. Warren has not yet accepted the offer but Brown and the host have vowed that the event will take place. Brown went so far as to say he will debate an empty chair if Warren doesn’t show up.

Host and moderator Dan Rea however, is anything but neutral. He is a rabidly conservative talk radio host who has admitted on air that he is a friend of the Brown family and a huge supporter of Scott Brown’s candidacy. Additionally, Rea berates everything about Elizabeth Warren on nearly every one of his broadcasts. To be fair, shouldn’t Scott Brown also demand that Dan Rea “will not endorse or otherwise get involved in this race”? Do you think he will do so? Don’t count on it.

Scott Brown is a hypocrite.

UPDATE:

Vicki Kennedy has announced that she rejects Scott Brown’s demand that she stay neutral in the race. She responded to Brown through a letter Tuesday to the two campaigns from the institute.

“This non-endorsement pledge is unprecedented and is not being required of any other persons or entities. To us, such a pledge seems inappropriate when a non-media sponsor issues a debate invitation.”

Thereafter, Scott Brown backed out of the debate. His campaign issued the following statement: “We respect Vicki Kennedy’s decision but we regret that we cannot accept a debate invitation from someone who plans to endorse Scott Brown’s opponent,” Brown’s campaign manager Jim Barnett said in a statement Tuesday. “The Kennedy Institute cannot hold itself out as a nonpartisan debate sponsor while the president of its board of trustees gets involved in the race on behalf of one of the candidates.”

This is a particularly strange response from Brown inasmuch as he participated in a debate without objection sponsored by the same folks in 2010 when the the very same Vickie Kennedy had endorsed his then opponent, Martha Coakley.

Somebody, please call a WHAAAAAAAAMBULANCE for Scott Brown.

What a joke! Will Scott Brown back out of the debate sponsored and moderated by Dan Rea inasmuch as the host is anything but neutral and is a Scott Brown supporter? Don’t count on it.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Downtown song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sku-1hqA5xw

SCOTT BROWN

(sung to the Petula Clark song “Downtown”)

If Mass. is your home
And you are full of baloney,
You must surely be – Scott Brown
You have your worries,
With no clothes in snow flurries
You’re a nudist boy – Scott Brown

You’re popular in the woods but were voteless in the city
Your term is only two years Scott, and isn’t that a pity?
You’re sure to lose

You’ve got some Mitt Romney hair
But it grows down on your buttocks, we’ve seen when you’re bare, and so
Scott Brown – politics of hate when you’re
Scott Brown – voted right out the door
Scott Brown – private life’s waiting for you
(Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

Don’t wear a frown
As the Tea-Baggers surround you
They are friends not foes – Scott Brown
The “Party of No”
Is just the place that they go to
Where their hatred grows – Scott Brown

Just charm them with the rhythm of your naked bossanova
They’ll be bare-assed with you too before the night is over
Happy again

They’ll take off their underwear
Then they’ll forget all their troubles, forget all their cares like you,
Scott Brown – not erudite or bright
Scott Brown – every nudist’s delight
Scott Brown – you’re gonna be alright now
(Scott Brown, Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

(Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

And you might find that your behind will help ingratiate you
With Larry Craig who loves the view and has a gentle hand to
Guide you along

You two would make quite a pair
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares dear bro
Scott Brown – you’ll get kicked out the door
Scott Brown – Won’t take a minute more
Scott Brown – Private life’s waiting for you

Scott Brown (Scott Brown) Scott Brown (Scott Brown)
Scott Brown (Scott Brown) Scott Brown (Scott Brown)
(repeat and fade out)

Sarah Palin – Reprise II

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from January 30, 2010. Pleas enjoy again!

Sarah Palin: A Tea Party Change Of Hearty?

Tea Party Convention Officials anxiously await Palin’s decision.

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! Newser.com reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. The Bowling Convention) in June. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention (i.e. The Boozers’ Ball) also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

As a precursor to both of those events however, Palin is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN on February 6th. Like all things Palin and/or Tea Party related however, the event is devolving into a complete disaster. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. The last two Tea Party events were smaller than a five year old’s birthday party and those in attendance shared the  same level of education as the aforementioned cake and ice cream eaters. First there was the Washington DC “Die In” in which Tea Baggers were prepared to play dead inside congressional buildings as a protest against health care reform. Unfortunately very few Tea Baggers were “dying” to get involved. Next, there was the Tea Baggers’ National Strike planned for January 20th when the Baggers intended to show the world how they could strike or boycott media outlets and businesses that they do not watch or patronize anyway. By a showing of hands, how many of you even know if the strike took place?

So, what about the big National Tea Party Convention? Well, the first problem is the price of admission. Tickets are priced at a hefty $ 349.00 and $ 549.00. That is a lot of dough for all those marginally employed Tea Baggers. To add insult to injury, Palin was to be paid over $ 100,000.00 for her appearance. Did the organizers forget that Tea Baggers allegedly oppose excessive spending as well as elitists that profit off them? Ticket sales dwindled and then came the speaker cancellations. Congresswomen Marsha Blackburn and moonbat -crazy Michele Bachmann each backed out of the event on Thursday. Ticket sales plummeted even further. Consequently, Sarah Palin is now in a dilemma.

If Palin honors her commitment to speak at the event, she will once again be associated with a less than prestigious forum and most likely a small audience. If, like Blackburn and Bachmann, she cancels her appearance, she will add to her own legend as the nation’s Quitter in Chief. What’s the poor girl to do? Will she stay or will she go?

I bet you folks know where this one is going, don’t you? Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsNJDWA0sAw&feature=related

WILL SHE STAY OR WILL  SHE GO ?

(Sung to the Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Do you agree to pay them back?
The “Tea Baggers” want to know
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she will be humbled
But if she stays there will be trouble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Since demanding such a large fee
She is no longer their “cup of tea”
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she stays, she’ll stir up trouble,
But if she goes she will be humbled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all those “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Mitt(wit) Romney Has A New Scandal

The USA Today is reporting that Mitt Romney is being very secretive as to the identities  “of the fundraisers helping him collect the millions of dollars he needs to win the White House, even as he promises them special access perks.”

This is an important development because it undermines any claim to campaign transparency by Romney. It also leads to the perception that secret deals will cut for those Wall Street bankers and private equity company executives who are most likely to be Romney’s largest contributors.

The USA Today further reports that,

“Romney is not required by law to disclose the identities of his fundraisers with the exception of those who work as federal lobbyists. Releasing the names of bundlers, however, has been standard in presidential campaigns for more than a decade.

Republican George W. Bush established the pattern in the 2000 election, revealing the names of fundraisers who collected at least $100,000. He repeated the practice in 2004. Arizona Sen. John McCain, the Republican nominee four years ago, had disclosed his fundraisers by this point in the 2008 campaign, releasing a list of 106 bundlers on April 18 of that year.

President Obama has released his fundraiser list every three months during this campaign.”

Campaign-finance watchdogs have pressed for Romney to disclose his bundlers. “Should he be elected, these people will be first in line seeking benefits from the new administration and the public won’t even know who these people are and whether they are being rewarded for their role in getting Romney elected,” said Taylor Lincoln, a research director at Public Citizen.

Here’s hoping the main stream media keeps this issue in the spotlight and continues to press Romney to release names. Here’s also hoping that Romney fails to comply and thereby keeps this scandal alive through election day.

Lynnrockets wishes all of you faithful Rocketeers an enjoyable memorial Day Weekend!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Beverly Hillbillies Theme song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFI-hhndCek

THE ROMNEY HILLBILLY

(sung to the theme of “The Beverly Hillbillies”)

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named Mitt
A rich profiteer who’s been known to pitch a fit.
Unlike Scott Brown he won’t model in the nude,
He likes to run for office but he doesn’t have a clue.

Knowledge that is,   Hates Polls,    Sanity.

Well the one thing we know is Mitt’s a millionaire,
Pinstriped suits and plastic molded hair.
Inside the beltway is the place he wants to be,
So he strapped his dog on top and drove down to D.C.

Washington that is,   Lobbyists,    Big black cars.

(flip-flop break)

Well now its time to say good-bye to Mitt and all his friends,
He will lose this year’s election and that will be his end
He never will return again cuz of the Tea Party,
They much prefer Santorum and his beastiality.

Man on dog, that is,   Ring a bell?,    Take your pants off.

Don’t come back now, y’hear?

Sarah Palin: The Gaffe Gift That Keeps On Giving

Sarah Palin was a gift to Democrats during the 2008 Presidential election cycle. She not only sunk any chance that the Republicans had of keeping the White House, but her constant mishaps and blunders entertained even those who do not follow politics. Remember when she could not name a single newspaper or magazine which she reads to keep current on the affairs of the nation? Remember when she said health care reform “is all about job creation”? Remember when she could not remember Joe Biden’s name (O’Biden)? Remember when she was incapable of describing the job of the Vice President to an elementary school student? Best of all, she inspired Tina Fey to create one of the most accurate and funny politician portrayals in the history of comedic politician portrayals.

Thankfully, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska continued to entertain us even after she blew the election. In May of 2010, Palin appeared on Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor” to talk about the controversy over the “National Day of Prayer”, during which, she boldly announced that the US should base its laws on The Bible, just as the Founding Fathers intended. Speaking of the Founding Fathers, when asked about the “under God” reference in the Pledge of Allegiance, Palin said, “If it was good enough for the Founding Fathers, its good enough for me” (of course the Pledge of Allegiance was not written until more than 100 years after the Founding Fathers). How about when she wrote in her book “America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag” that, “Susan B. Anthony saw the fight for the rights of the unborn as part of the broader fight for women’s rights.”? Remember her 2009 interview on “Good Morning America” when she referenced the fictitious “White House Department of Law”? Was there anyone who did not laugh out loud in 2011 when, during her “bus tour” stop in Boston, she said that Paul Revere rode on horseback and “”warned, uh, the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells…”” (Even American school kids of course,  are  aware Revere actually rode from Boston to Lexington warning the COLONISTS that the British Army was marching in their direction).

Guess what? The “Sarah Palin Stupid Train” continues to roll down the tracks of our tears of laughter!

We can thank the Topeka Capital-Journal of Kansas for exposing Sarah Palin’s latest blunder. It seems that lots of Kansas voters received a robo-call from Palin in which she solicited them to vote for the Tea Party endorsed Ted Cruz for the U.S. Senate. She said, “Ted Cruz is a true conservative you can trust to stand on principle and change the way Washington does business. Today, through May 25, please vote early for Ted Cruz for U.S. Senate.” Palin ended the call by saying, “Join me. Choose Cruz for Senate.”

That is quite a ringing endorsement from Sarah Palin. Question is, why would she be asking Kansans to vote for a man who is running for the U.S. Senate seat in TEXAS?

Sometimes  you just can’t make this stuff up!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvx7RcEX8w4

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still “go with the flow”?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has-been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Last Call For Ron Paul

How fortunate that wacky Republican Ron Paul announced his candidacy for the 2012 presidency on a Friday the 13th. He now has a ready-made excuse for why his campaign was such an abysmal failure. Despite what the pundits constantly referred to as Paul’s fervently devoted group of grassroots supporters and Tea Party nut-jobs, nobody seemed to ever actually vote for this guy. He failed to win even one single Republican primary election. Not surprisingly, Ron Paul suspended his campaign yesterday leaving Mitt Romney as the only GOP candidate left in the race.

It was obvious from the beginning that Ron Paul’s candidacy would go nowhere.  He is after all, a radical crazy person. If you need evidence of Ron Paul’s zaniness, consider these tidbits:

-  He is known as “Dr. No” because of his insistence that he will “never vote for legislation unless the proposed measure is expressly authorized by the Constitution;

- He advocates withdrawal from the United Nations, and from the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO);

- He opposes birthright citizenship;

- He advocates for the elimination of the Federal Reserve;

- He would deny women their right of freedom of choice in birth;

- He believes that the civil Rights act of 1964 is unconstitutional; and

- He would rather have sick people die from their illnesses than receive government provided health care.

Now let’s take a look at some of Ron Paul’s quotes as published in his newsletters:

- “Boy, it sure burns me to have a national holiday for that pro-communist philanderer Martin Luther King. I voted against this outrage time and time again as a Congressman. What an infamy that Ronald Reagan approved it! We can thank him for our annual Hate Whitey Day.”;

- “even in my little town of Lake Jackson, Texas, I’ve urged everyone in my family to know how to use a gun in self defense. For the animals are coming.”;

- “opinion polls consistently show only about 5% of blacks have sensible political opinions”;

- “if you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be.”; and

- “hip-hop thing to do among the urban youth who play unsuspecting whites like pianos.” (referring to the crime of carjacking).

This is scary stuff. Is it any wonder that this man is never taken very seriously by the majority of Americans?

Nevertheless, Ron Paul does have the capacity to do some good for his country. He demonstrated this last autumn when he decided not to seek re-election to his Texas House of Representatives seat. Consequently, there is certain to be one less radical insane person in the next Congress. Also, there is always the possibility that  he may decide to run as either an Independent or a third party candidate. He would still have absolutely no chance of being elected, but he would steal a certain percentage of votes form Romney thereby helping Barack Obama to win the general election.

Do the right thing Mr. Paul.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Piano Man” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se9rfWucgeY

TEA BAGGING MEN (RON PAUL VERSION)

(sung to the Billy Joel song “Piano Man”)

It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday
Rand Paul comes marching in
A proud member of the Tea Party
Like so many white racist men

He says, “Boy you know that I’m from Kentucky
And I think that Obama blows
It was sad and back-street how he chastised BP
Just because their damn oil rigs explode”

La la la, di da da
La la, di di da da dum

Sing us a song you Tea-Bagging men
Sing us a song tonight
Give us some patriotic imagery
Tri-corn hats and a wig that’s too tight

Now Sarah Palin is no friend of mine
Thank God she’s not the VP
Yes she looked like a dope every time she misspoke
As McCain claimed she was “mavericky”

She says, “Why does the press keep on grilling me?”
As her smile runs away from her face
“Can’t they see I’m a tabloid-bred superstar,
Though I quit my job in disgrace?”

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Ron Paul is a right-wing apologist
He is anti-gay and pro-life
Grasp of history’s hazy and he’s moon-bat crazy
Ron Paul should be confined for life

And Scott Walker’s union-busting politics
Sparked a recall to get him de-throned
While Mike Huckabee thinks his “down-hominess”
Will coax liberals to leave him alone

Sing us a song you Tea-Bagging men
Sing us a song tonight
Give us some patriotic imagery
Tri-corn hats and a wig that’s too tight

Had a pretty big crowd just last Saturday
With the Tea Baggers dressed in high style
They were at a rally with signs misspelled badly
To express ignorance all the while

And the town common, it looks like a carnival
With the Tea Baggers from far and near
They unload from their cars lots of feathers and tar
As they fan flames of hatred and fear!

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Sing us your song you Tea Bagging men
Sing us your song tonight
Cuz we’re all in the mood for a melody
Sung by folks that are old, dumb and white

(fade into extinction)

Huntsman Compares GOP to Chinese Communist Party

It was enlightening to learn that former GOP Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman believes that the Republican Party is like China’s authoritarian Communist party. The Daily Beast reports that “Huntsman returned to the podium to mourn the current state of his party on Sunday night at the 92nd Street Y in New York. He spoke of being disappointed when he was uninvited from a Florida fundraiser for suggesting a third-party run, saying, ‘This is what they do in China on party matters if you talk off script.’ He noted that even Ronald Reagan wouldn’t have a shot at the nomination in this climate. “

Huntsman of course was the only sane candidate crammed into the GOP clown-car of candidates which once held the likes of Michele “The Founding Fathers Fought To End Slavery” Bachmann, Rick “Man On Dog” Santorum and Herman “Raisin’” Cain. That group of crazies was also joined on and off again by Donald “Birther” Trump and Sarah “Death Panels” Palin. Now of course, only Newt “Four Wives” Gingrich, Ron “Dr. No” Paul and Mitt “Flip Flop” Romney remain.

What separated Jon Huntsman from the other GOP hopefuls was intelligence and a sense of moderation. He was the former Governor of Utah and an Eagle Scout who was awarded six honorary doctorate degrees. He also is fluent in multiple Chinese dialects. He worked in the Reagan administration as a White House staff Assistant, in the George H. W. Bush administration as Deputy Assistant Secretary of Commerce and United States Ambassador to Singapore and in the Barack Obama administration as United States Ambassador to China.

It was impossible for Huntsman to win the Republican nomination for President precisely because of those qualities. He was intelligent enough to believe in and understand math and science (and evolution as well) and moderate enough to work with Democrats. Those attributes are a death knell in today’s Tea Party ruled GOP where candidates must publicly denounce intelligence (and evolution as well) and vow to oppose every single Democratic initiative regardless of merit.

Consequently, it is refreshing to see a man who knows an awful lot about the Chinese to recognize the striking similarity of today’s Republican Party and the Chinese Communist Party.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Rick Perry’s a Texan whore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

Boom, bam, boom
Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….

Crazy Palin-Endorsed Teapublican Compares “No Smoking” Signs To Hitler

Nuff said!

Nuff said!

This week’s episode of “Crazy Republican Comparisons” features Republican U.S. Senate candidate, John Raese. While speaking to a group of supporters, the Tea Party and Sarah Palin endorsed Raese compared “No Smoking” signs to one of Adolf Hitler’s most notorious mandates. He said,

I don’t want government telling me what I can do and what I can’t do because I’m an American.  But in Monongalia County you can’t smoke a cigarette, you can’t smoke a cigar, you can’t do anything.  And I oppose that because I believe in everybody’s individual freedoms and everybody’s individual rights to do what they want to do and I’m a conservative and that’s the way that goes.

But in Monongalia County now, I have to put a huge sticker on my buildings to say this is a smoke free environment.  This is brought to you by the government of Monongalia County.  Ok?

Remember Hitler used to put Star of David on everybody’s lapel, remember that?  Same thing.

As we so often say, a picture is worth a thousand words:

Really? “No Smoking” signs are the same thing as the badges used by the Nazi government to mark the Jews during World War II? “No Smoking” signs which are designed to protect the public health are the same thing as the Star of David badge used by Hitler organize the persecution and destruction of the Jewish race?

Teapublican John Raese is a very sick man and anybody in West Virginia who agrees with his ludicrous comparison and votes for this lunatic is also a sick person.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Garden Party song link:  http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x89fev_ricky-nelson-garden-party_music

TEA BAG PARTY

(sung to the Ricky Nelson song “Garden Party”)

I went to a Tea Bag party hoping to make some brand new friends
But they became my enemies, those right wing racist men
When I got to the Tea Bag party, they all looked the same
That really surprised me, and no one had a brain

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Crazies there from miles around, mostly with white hair
Locals brought their shotguns, there was hatred in the air
‘n’ over in the corner, not to my surprise
Sarah Palin sportin’ thigh-high boots while she winked her eyes.

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-in-dah-dah-dah, lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Told them they were so wrong, Glenn Beck is insane
Drill Baby, Drill’s stupid,  and Palin is to blame
I said Rand Paul is crazy too, best not drink his tea
Then I told them things about Michele Bachmann they would not believe

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and donned a white pointy hood
Punching his railroad ticket to Hell and just the way he should
If you’re goin’ to a Tea Bag party, I wish you a lotta luck
Bring a misspelled sign, use racist slang and drive a pick-up truck

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

GOP Rep. Allen “Wild Wild” West Is A Joke

The state of Florida is home to one of our nation’s most inept and moonbat-crazy members of Congress. I’m speaking of none other than Allen West, the self-proclaimed Tea Partier and former Army lieutenant who was relieved of his command and fined as the result of his violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

West was elected to the U.S House of Representatives with a gang of other Tea Party supported Republicans in the 2010 mid-term elections. He was even endorsed by Sarah Palin, so that should tell you something. Since being elected he has not done much legislating, but he has revealed himself to be a suitable candidate for admittance to the psychiatric ward. Take a look at a few of the things he has publicly stated as reported in the Broward Palm Beach New Times:

!. He appears regularly on Fox News (where else?) where he has referred to President Barack Obama as a “low-level socialist agitator” whose “Marxist demagogic rhetoric” indicates a “Third World dictator-like arrogance.” ;

2. In remarks made to a conservative woman’s group in Boca Raton, Florida, West indicated how he wanted the United States to look: “In ancient days, the most feared, the most vicious warriors known to man were the Spartans,” said West. “Never known to retreat, never known to surrender.” He then told the women, Because the Spartan women at the age of 9 gave up their male sons, and their male sons went into a training that was called the Agoge and they stayed in that training for the next 11 to 12 years,” he said. “And when they finally qualified, when they were finally ready to join the ranks of the Spartan army, it was not their father who gave them their cloak and their shield. It was their mother who gave them their shield. And when the Spartan mother gave that young Spartan warrior his shield, she gave him this basic commandment: ‘Spartan, here is your shield. Come back wearing this shield or being borne upon it.’” What is West talking about? Is he advocating a military state?

  •  This is what Allen West had to say about critics of the Marines who urinated on the corpses of Taliban soldiers: “As for everyone else, unless you have been shot at by the Taliban, shut your mouth, war is hell.” Apparently, West is unaware that there’s a constitutional amendment that allows us to not shut our mouths, and it specifically prevents nuts like Allen West from making us do so.
  • The Palm Beach Post reports that West said this about Obama supporters: “I must confess, when I see anyone with an Obama 2012 bumper sticker, I recognize them as a threat to the gene pool.”
  • This is what West said to fellow Florida Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz in an email: “…You are the most vile, unprofessional, and despicable member of the US House of representatives…You have proven repeatedly that you are not a lady.”

Crazy stuff indeed, but let’s take a look at what Allen West said just this week about his fellow members of Congress. CNN reports, that when West was asked at a town hall meeting how many members of Congress are “card-carrying Marxists”, he responded by saying: “I believe there’s about 78 to 81 members of the Democratic Party that are members of the Communist Party.” He went on to say, “These members of Congress advocate the type of policies that have put Europe on the brink of economic and fiscal collapse, and are driving the United States in the same direction. “

Wow! West is truly a modern age Joe McCarthy. Problem is, West seems ignorant of the fact that none of those European countries in economic turmoil are communist nations. Then again, ignorance has never been a stumbling block to advancement within the Republican Party. Just ask the aforementioned Sarah Palin who recently suggested Allen West as a possible GOP Vice Presidential nominee!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Strangers In The Night song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlSbSKNk9f0&feature=related

STRANGE ONES ON THE RIGHT

(sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Strangers In The Night”)

Strange ones on the right,
Fox News romancers
Not so very bright,
With our finances
This Tea Party love
Should be viewed as taboo

Palin shouting lies
And fear inciting
Rand Paul is hostile
And so damn frightening
Boehner has no heart
McConnell has no clue

Strange ones on the right,
Abnormal people
They are strange ones on the right
Not one sane moment
They should be in a freak-show
Little do they know
It would just enhance our day
If like Bristol they’d dance away and –

And on Fox every night,
They’re all together
Lovers on the right
In love forever
It’s an ugly sight
Those strange ones on the right

(Tea-Bagging break)

Don’t look now just glance away
Here comes their jailbird Tom Delay

You can join their fight
And hang together
Only if you’re white
Birds of a feather
Taking their last flight
Those strange ones on the right

Is Mitt Romney Disqualified From Serving As President? (What About His Father?)

This week’s episode of “Republicans Eating Their Own” features likely GOP Presidential nominee Willard M. Romney.

Are you folks familiar with the “Birthers”? Surely you must remember them. They are the folks like once-and-future GOP Presidential candidate Donald Trump, lawyer/dentist/realtor Orly Taitz, nutjob Maricopa County Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio and about 75% of Tea Party members. As you will recall, these folks do not believe that President Barack Obama was born in the United States despite all proof to the contrary and not a scintilla of credible evidence to support their allegation. Indeed, as recently as this week the anti-Obama Birther movement re-emerged when Republican U.S. Rep. Vicky Hartzler (MO) said she “doubts” that the birth certificate produced by President Obama is legitimate.

To their credit however, we have just learned that The Birthers are equal opportunity accusers. The Los Angeles Times reports that a group of minor party candidates and conspiracy theorists have sued California Secretary of State Debra Bowen to demand that she verify and/or address “questions concerning the eligibility” of Mitt Romney to vie for the role of commander in chief. The law suit was commenced by Republican write-in candidate John Albert Dummett, Jr., and Markham Robinson, the chairman of the American Independent Party of California, among other politicians and voters. The U.S. Constitution of course, requires the President to be U.S. born and at least 35 years of age.

MSN.com reports that one Birther explains that Romney’s citizenship is up for debate because his dad was born in Mexico. That is correct, Mitt Romney’s father was born in the Mexican colony that Mitt’s great-grandfather founded after fleeing the United States so he could stay married to Romney’s four great-grandmothers. Folks are now wondering if Mitt was, in fact, born in his father’s foreign homeland.

Of course, this also brings up the the fact that Mitt’s father George Romney was not eligible to serve as President when he ran for the Republican nomination in 1968. Where was all the conservative right-wing outrage then?

We can only wonder if Trump, Taitz, Arpaio and the Tea Baggers will take the same interest in Mitt Romney’s place of birth as they have with that of Barack Obama.

Stay tuned. Same moon-bat channel. Same moon-bat time (obscure 1960′s “Batman” television series reference for those of you under the age of 45).

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

“The Addams Family” theme song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIJoTEliQcU

THE ROMNEY FAMILY

 (sung to the theme song for “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re kooky
Four wives is really loopy
They’re out of touch and snooty
The Romney family

They’re house is a museum
Earn millions by per diem
They’re dog, you never see him
The Romney family

(Cheat)
(Suite)
(Wall Street)

The Birthers came a callin’
Mitt Romney’s stock is fallin’
He is just so appallin’
The Romney Family

Failin’ Palin Gives Advice To Mitt(wit) Romney

The absurdity of the race that is “The Koch Brothers Flying Republican Nomination Circus” was on full display Saturday.

Sarah Palin decided to give advice to Mitt Romney. In an interview with CNN and The New York Times before her speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, Palin said she was confused by Romney’s declaration here on Friday that he was a “severely conservative Republican.” “I wasn’t quite sure what the word ‘severely’ meant,” Palin said. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska also said Romney needs to better explain his “shifts in ideology” (i.e. his 100s of flip-flops).

“You have to have the Tea Party patriots enthused and energized in order to win this nomination, and more importantly in order to defeat Barack Obama,” Palin argued.

Think about that for a moment. The woman who knows absolutely nothing about how to defeat Barack Obama is giving advice as to how to do so. Does Palin forget that she and John McCain were trounced by Barack Obama and Joe Biden in the 2008 election?

Sarah Palin, the reality television personality has nothing to offer in the form of advice regarding how to beat the man who so convincingly defeated her!

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Crazy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OVtpnpCOKM

CRAZY

(sung to the Patsy Cline song “Crazy”)

Crazy
Palin is chock-full of baloney
She’s crazy
Crazy and without a clue

We knew
She’s psychologically haunted
And that someday
She’d make her asylum debut

Sorry
She could be a guest on Maury
Wondrin’
How did she go so koo-koo

Oh, crazy
As crazy as her husband, First Dude
There’s no use denyin’
Cheatin’ and lyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

Crazy
We’re not sure if Palin’s sniffing glue
It seems like she’s flyin’
We’re not just implyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

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