Daily Archives: April 26, 2010

Beck Beckons Baccalaureates

Beck demonstrates his command of spelling with the word "oligarchy". OOPS!

The old adage that truth is sometimes stranger than fiction has been proven yet again. It was announced on Friday that the commencement speaker at Jerry Falwell Jr.’s Liberty University will be none other than Fox News lunatic Glenn Beck. You read that correctly. Beck is certainly up to the task considering his educational background. His college career lasted all of one course. Not one year or one semester mind you, ONE COURSE. Despite his apparent lack of education however, Glenn Beck has demonstrated over the last six months that he is a master of the chalkboard. Unfortunately, in this day and age, being the master of the chalkboard is somewhat akin to being a master of the typewriter or slide rule.

What will he say to the erstwhile future Tea-Baggers that will graduate from the reich-wing incubator known as Liberty University? For those of you not in the know, Liberty University is a private Baptist, Evangelical Christian cesspool located in Virgina, the state that recently elected to glorify its role of supporting slavery as a member of the Confederacy. The school (if you can call it that) was founded by Jerry Falwell, the racist, homophobic Teletubbie hating televangelist.

The students at Liberty University are only slightly smarter than Glenn Beck. The acceptance rate for students entering in 2009 was 96.2%; the 25th-75th SAT percentile ranges for 2008 freshmen were 430-540 for critical reading and 420-530 for math, according to U.S. News & World Report. Liberty has been ranked in the Top-10 most conservative colleges in the U.S. by Young America’s Foundation, but U.S. News & World Report currently ranks Liberty University as a Fourth Tier institution.

Perhaps Beck will dazzle his misinformed audience of future Tea-Partiers with the riveting story of his drug and alcohol abuse. Maybe he will describe how he acquired a true affection and understanding of the sanctity of “traditional marriage” as the result of all the hours of practice he put into his own multiple marriages. Oh, to be a fly on the wall at this event!!! Perhaps it will go something like this…

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Last Train To Clarksville song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScXXaBu1Ing

LAST TRAIN TO NUTSVILLE

(sung to the Monkees song “Last Train To Clarksville”)

Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
You can be there by four-thirty
Cuz Fox made your reservation
The Beck Show, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Glenn lost his mind without warning
And it won’t be back again
Glenn Beck’s facing stormy weather
And it’s causing quite a strain
So, he must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no
He might have a lobotomy on his dome.
Take the last train to Nutsville
Glenn Beck is their famous patient
If he’s not crying he’ll blow some kisses
But don’t attempt conversation
Oh… oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Take the last train to Nutsville
That’s where Glenn Beck now calls home
We can’t hear him making noisy
Conversation all alone
He’s feelin’ low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don’t think that Glenn’s ever coming home.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Take the last train to Nutsville
(repeat and fade)