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Palin’s “Undefeated” Suffers Crushing Defeat

Sarah Palin’s attempt at marketing herself by means of a theatrical film is egocentric at best  and flat-out comical at worst. Palin, the greatest self-promoting narcissist this side of Donald Trump and P.T. Barnum commissioned  a conservative filmmaker to make a $1 million feature-length motion picture about her. Real Clear Politics reports that she hired some unknown by the name of Stephen K. Bannon to produce, film and market the ego-stroking movie titled “The Undefeated”  The film is about Palin’s political career up to the point of her disastrous run for the vice presidency in 2008 in which she (and John McCain) were soundly defeated. Inasmuch as Palin was also defeated in the 2002 election for Alaska’s lieutenant-governor, the film’s title appears to be rather misleading.

In “The Undefeated”, Bannon’s (and Palin’s) goal is, as Real Clear Politcs puts it, “to help catapult Palin from the presidential afterthought she has become in the eyes of many pundits directly to the front lines of the 2012 GOP conversation.” That website also reports that although Palin is not interviewed directly, the film features on-camera interviews and commentaries from 10 Alaskans who played different roles in her political rise, as well as six Lower 48 denizens who defend her in more visceral terms, including prominent conservative firebrands Mark Levin, Andrew Breitbart and Tammy Bruce. How is that for a trio of radical propagandists? The film extols every one of Palin’s minor successes but fails to even make mention of the less flattering topics, such as the Troopergate saga — which had little effect on the VP campaign but left a lastingly negative impression of Palin in the eyes of many Alaskans — and her unimpressive series of interviews with Katie Couric. But really, would you expect anything different from Palin? She does not take criticism well and always portrays herself as a victim.

One major obstacle to the film’s goal of re-booting the Palin image however, is that next to nobody will ever actually view the film. The movie opened yesterday, but distributors put the film in just 10 AMC theaters nationwide, mostly in reliably conservative markets like Dallas, Texas and Orange County in southern California. Adding insult to injury, it does not appear that even those hand-picked theatres can attract an audience. For instance, Conor Friedersdorf of The Atlantic reports that only he and two other patrons attended the opening screening at the Orange County, CA theatre (and the other two folks left after only 20 minutes). Friedersdorf reports that after the movie concluded,

“I found a theater manager, told him I was a reporter, and asked if he could give me numbers about ticket sales. ‘Did anyone pay and not show up?’ He said that they’d sold out all the Harry Potter movies until 2 a.m., and that all 5,000 seats looked full. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I saw the Sarah Palin movie. Do you know the figures for that one?.’ ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘I can’t release sales figures.'”

Yikes. now we know that more people will show-up to view a car accident scene than to watch a film about Palin. It is evident that the former ex-quitting half-term Alaskan Governor’s 15 minutes of fame are over. She has been replaced in the category of moon-bat crazy female Teapublican whacko by Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann. So what does the future hold for Caribou Barbie? Lynnrockets‘ guess is another reality television series.

Perhaps it will be titled, “The Really Biggest Loser”!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.


(sung to the Bob Seger song “Turn The Page”)

On a long and lonesome highway
East of Wasilla
Do we even need to mention
Palin travels with her throng
She’s a winkin’ blinkin’ woman
Who dresses like a sidewalk whore

The big country she is wandering
On book-tour number two
Sarah’s signing books for hours
And she’s counting all her loot
Still, her poll numbers are slidin’
And there’s not much she can do

Hey, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page

Sarah slithers in a Border’s Books
And she mounts her throne
Her supporters in a long queue
They’re donating all they own
They consider it loyalty dues
Tribute  their queen is owed

Most times when you hear her talk
You can’t understand
All those nonsense clichés
Formed in Palin-Land
For those blatant gaffes and blunders
She earns one-hundred grand

Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page

Palin loves the spotlight
Maybe more than Tina Fey
Despite all of her energy
Her fame will fade away
She will become a nobody
Just a slice of yesterday

Sarah’s selfish scheming
And the hate-speak that she spreads
Along with all of those blatant liars,
Fox News talking heads
The Tea Party’s new Penthouse Pet
Sounds like “Uncle Jed”

Ah, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page
Ya, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
There she goes

Mitt(wit) Romney Makes It Official: The Flip-Flop Campaign Begins!

Mitt Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts and the failed 2008 Republican Presidential candidate will announce that he is seeking the Presidency once again today. His announcement will be made in New Hampshire, which holds the nation’s first primary election.

Romney however, will face a lot of obstacles in attempting to win-over Republican support. The reason? Absolutely nobody understands what he stands for. He is, without doubt, the single biggest flip-flopper that we have ever scene. While Governor of Massachusetts he was in support of safe and legal abortions. He now claims to be staunchly pro-life. While campaigning in Massachusetts, he was a steadfast supporter of gun control regulations. Since then, he has joined the NRA and now claims to support essentially no firearm regulation. While in Massachusetts he favored carbon emission regulations. He now opposes them in any form.

Want more examples? In a 1994 letter to the Log Cabin Republicans, who advocate gay rights, Romney said he was in favor of “gays and lesbians being able to serve openly and honestly” in the military. He now says it would be a mistake to interfere with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. In 1994, he advocated a spending limit on congressional elections and the abolition of political action committees. In 2002, he supported public financing of campaigns from a 10 percent tax on private fundraising. Later, Romney said the McCain-Feingold law limiting campaign contributions is an attack on free speech. In a November 2005 interview with the Boston Globe, he described an immigration overhaul advanced by John McCain as “reasonable.” He has since denounced it as an “amnesty plan.”

Of course, the most damaging of all the Mitt Romney flip-flops is his 360 degree reversal on health care reform policy. It is now common knowledge that although Romney is bending over backwards to join in on the Republican mantra of opposing everything about the Democrats’ 2010 health care reform law, he actually enacted a virtually identical plan in Massachusetts when he was governor… and supported or voted for similar federal plans in 1994, 2006, 2008 and 2009. In fact, Mitt Romney was the pioneer of the dreaded “personal mandate” which compels individuals to purchase health insurance and which is so universally hated by conservatives. In support of his personal mandate, Romney once said,

I think there are a number of features in the Massachusetts plan that could inform Washington on ways to improve health care for all Americans. The fact that we were able to get people insured without a government option is a model I think they can learn from.”

Ouch! That is surely going to leave a mark!

Even if Republican voters decide not to hold Mitt Romney accountable for his multiple policy flip-flops because they believe that he has the business acumen to help the economy create jobs, he still has a problem. You might recall that while running for Governor of Massachusetts, Romney promised Bay State voters that he would use his business savvy to create many new jobs. Did he fulfill his promise? Not exactly. During his full term in office, Massachusetts ranked 47th in the nation in terms of job creation according to the U.S. Labor Department. The only states that created fewer jobs were Ohio, Michigan and Louisiana. Also, when you examine Romney’s job creation ranking during the first two years of his administration (the period that Obama has now been in office), you will discover that Massachusetts ranked 50th. What makes those figures even worse is the fact that Romney governed during a time of national economic prosperity.

As Ricky Ricardo once said, “Mitt(wit), you got some splainin’ to do!”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” song link:


 (sung to The Clash song “Should I Stay Or Should I Go”)

Romney you’ve got to let us know
Is it “yes” or is it “no”?
Change positions all the time
You know we think you’ve lost your mind
Please Mitt Romney let us know
Is it “yes” or is it “no”?

It’s always tease, tease, tease
Just make your mind-up would you please
You were pro-choice but you went back
And your health plan you now attack
So come on Mitt let us know
Is it “yes” or is it “no”?

Is it “yes” or is it “no” now?
Is it “yes” or is it “no” now?
Mitt you know that you’re in trouble
Cuz your positions more than double
So come on Mitt let us know!

Your indecision’s bugging me
(weird double-talk)
What is  your gun right policy?
(more weird double-talk)
What do you think of amnesty?
(even more weird double-talk)
We just know that you’re really shifty
(yes, even more weird double-talk)
So Mitt Romney you know
(can you believe it, even more weird double-talk)
You should cool it or you should blow!
(here we go again)


Is it “yes” or is it “no” now?
Is it “yes” or is it “no” now?
Mitt you know that you’re in trouble
Cuz your positions more than double
So come on Mitt let us know
Is it “yes” or is it “no”?

Is it “yes” or is it “no” now?
Mitt you know that you’re in trouble
Cuz your positions more than double
So come on Mitt let us know
Is it “yes” or is it “no”?

Palin To Arizona To US Senate… Hmmm

Julie Driscoll of has written a very interesting piece.

She speculates that Sarah Palin may have recently purchased a new home in Arizona. By the way, what is it with the Palins and Arizona? First, Sarah Palin ran on the same presidential ticket as an Arizona senator. Next, her sniper-sighted advertisement was associated with the shooting of Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. Not too long thereafter, we were told that former unwed teen mother Bristol Palin had purchased a home in Arizona where she would live while pursuing her college degree at Arizona State University. That whole story proved to be a false alarm of course, when Bristol announced last month that she was moving to Los Angeles to share an apartment with two men while filming (what else but) a reality television series. Now it’s Sarah Palin to Arizona? What gives?

The house in question is described as an “8,000-square-foot, dark-brown stucco home with a guard gate that can keep unwanted visitors away. It has six bedrooms, five bathrooms, a six-car garage, a swimming pool and spa, and a full basement with a home theater, billiards room and wine cellar. Safari Investments LLC paid $1.695 million cash for the home in a deal that appears designed to cloak the identity of a high-profile buyer.” Driscoll says that the “high profile buyer” is rumored to be none other than the former ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska.

Reason for the change of locale? Driscoll opines that it is so Sarah Palin can run for the US Senate seat being vacated by fellow liar and Republican John Kyl. Kyl you might remember, is the guy who lied on the Senate floor when he said that that 90% of Planned Parenthood services were abortion-related, when in fact, the actual number is 3%. Palin of course, lies about everything from saying “Thanks, but no thanks” to that bridge to nowhere, to suggesting to Katie Couric that she was involved in trade missions with Russia, to proclaiming that the Democratic Party health care reform law included “death panels”. Hence, an Arizona senate seat is the perfect place for a liar.

So what will it be? A run for the presidency? A run for an Arizona senate seat? Or neither? Please do tell, Sarah. Enquiring minds want to know.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Born To Run song link:


(sung to the Bruce Springsteen song “Born To Run”)

In the day she sweats it out on the streets, she’s a runner-up beauty pageant queen
At night she tears her hair out in worry atop Todd’s snow-machine
Hate filled rages at the five and dime
High heeled, misdirected and sporting a sixties beehive, Whoa
Wasilla town hopes she never comes back
She’s a dumb quack, a political hack
Sarah speaketh with a forked tongue
But tramps like her, baby they were born to run
(yes she will run)

Sarah’s got thin skin but she’ll run again
She can’t find work on television
SarahPAC will cater to her whims
Their dedicated to her mission
Together they will dish out crap
She’ll run till she drops, maybe from a heart attack, Whoa
All her friends, she’ll continue to hire
‘cause baby she wants to be the next “Decider”
But her wagon has lost all its wheels
She behaves like a little child girl, a pitbull refusing to heel
(full of baloney)

(Twitter break)

She’s filled with malice right down to the bones buried in her backyard
She casts no reflection in brand new mirrors
Like a vampire caught off guard
Her unfeeling heart, rises cold and dark
A dominatrix with an iron fist
She’s gonna try to befriend thee in the deep dark night
With a wink and a blown kiss, Huhh

(Facebook break)

(one two three four…)

She’s got a bunch of Fox News zeroes that fuel her hopes and drive
Sarah Palin likes you if you are white and have no use for gay pride
Every Wednesday she will give an address
That will reveal all the madness in her soul, Whoa
Someday girl, we don’t know when, you’ll learn that you’re a disgrace
Something we already know, her career will be done
But till then just like puss, Sarah will return to run

Oh, Sarah just like puss, baby we hope that you run

Please believe me, all of us baby, sure hope that you will run

Supporters Keep Bailin’ On Palin

Despite her appearance at Glenn Beck’s Restoring Honor rally in Washington D.C. this weekend, an overwhelming majority of Americans believe Sarah Palin is unqualified to be President of the United States. According to the new survey from Vanity Fair and CBS News’ 60 Minutes, only 1 in 4 (25 percent) of all adults think the former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska is qualified to be commander-in-chief while 60 percent say she is not. These numbers are even worse than the four previous polls that Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has commented upon in the last few months. In essence, all of the polls strongly indicate that in 2008 a vast majority of Americans did not believe that Palin was qualified to be Vice President and since then, even a greater number (which keeps growing) believe that she is unqualified to be President.

To make matters worse, even those groups which one would consider supportive of a Palin presidency are abandoning her. By a narrow 47-40 percent margin, Republicans do feel Palin has the right stuff to be president. But self identified conservatives – constituting the segment of the GOP largely thought to most favor the former Alaska governor – are essentially split 41-40 percent on her abilities to govern the country. Most troubling of all for Palin, is that if she finds herself in a general election matchup, 3 in 5 independent voters (60 percent) don’t think Palin is qualified while only 21 percent do. Among moderates, the numbers are even worse with 70 percent reporting they lack confidence in Palin.

What could Sarah Palin have done since 2008 to so drastically destroy her status as darling of the Republican Party to become the pitiable laughing-stock that she is today? Well, let’s think about that for a moment. After losing the presidential election, she almost immediately blamed the shellacking on John McCain and his staff. Then she quit on the Alaskans that elected her by resigning as their governor after having served only half a term. In a failed attempt to derail health care reform legislation, her mythical “death panels” were exposed by the non-partisan as the “Biggest Lie of 2009”. Next, she engaged in an embarrassing and continuous public battle of words with her 19 year old would-be son-in-law. Her oil industry cheer of “Drill Baby, Drill” morphed into the disaster of “Spill Baby, Spill”. Thereafter, she aligned herself with the far-right fringe group known as the Tea Party and heartily endorsed such whack-job candidates as Rand “Get To The Back Of The Bus” Paul and Sharon “Who Needs Social Security?” Angle. And most recently she counseled the self-censoring, “n-word” spewing radio host Laura Schlessinger to “Don’t retreat. Reload”. Sarah Palin has clearly suffered from a self-imposed series of unfortunate events. She is the modern day Calamity Jane.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Low Rider song link:


(sung to the War song “Low Rider”)

All my friends know the poll slider
The poll slider is a little liar

The poll slider slips a little lower
Poll slider couldn’t be much slower


Poll Slider is facing defeat, yeah
Poll Slider is gonna be beat, yeah

Poll slider is outta gas now
The poll slider is on her ass

Better get a grip, better get a grip
She is not the one to be
Better get a grip, better get a grip
She’s shunned by the G.O.P.

Sarah Palin Faces Fantastic Facebook Fan Fallout

As we mentioned in Monday’s post, Sarah Palin is feeling the heat from her Facebook fans over her recent endorsements of John McCain and Carly Fiorina. You see, most of Palin’s followers are of the rabid Tea-Bagger ilk as a consequence of the former ex-quitting Alaska governor’s self proclaimed uber-right-wing conservative political stance and her multiple appearances at Tea Party rallies. Her recent endorsements of McCain and Fiorina however,  have angered her supporters because they heartily endorse each of those candidate’s far more conservative Tea Party approved opponents. Indeed, they elected to voice their dissatisfaction with the educationally challenged Palin via her own Facebook page. Let’s take a look at some of their comments (editor’s note: all spelling and punctuation has been left intact for full Tea-Bagger effect)…

“The only REAL CONSERVATIVE is Chuck DeVore. Fiorina is a RINO and we don’t need any more of those in [California]. Why wouldn’t you back Chuck DeVore???”

“I don’t agree with this endorsement AT ALL! What are you thinking, Sarah?”

“wait a minute, you just asked us to support a Republican whose values we don’t really understand, and if we do understand them correctly, we don’t agree with. What’s going on here?”

“That’s 2 strikes against you, little sister! One more and you’re done. You’re participating in the kind of political payback that us conservatives hate.”

“I too am very disappointed in this endorsement. DeVore is a much better choice. I didn’t understand McCain but figured she was obligated. Now I just don’t trust her judgment at all.”

“Sarah, I am a huge fan of yours. I can forgive you for backing McCain, but..Carly Fiorino is no friend of yours. She didn’t support you when the MSM was attacking. Please rethink your position and support Chuck Devore. Jim DeMint is behind him, the Tea Party Express supports him and you should too.”

“We total understood why she endorsed McCain over J.D. Hayward (and secretly felt that she would be relieved when Hayward beat mcCain and then headed for a strong chance to win in the General Election), but Palin’s endorsement of Fiorna will backfire.”

“Strike 2”

“Bottom line is that this is yet another endorsement for a non-grassroots candidate, and she’s going to take another significant hit to her credibility with her base in exchange for picking a winner,”

“My first thought when I heard about the endorsement was, wow, I guess she doesn’t plan to run in 2012,”

In all, nearly half of the approximately 1800 comments expressed disappointment with the educationally challenged Palin’s endorsements. Sarah Palin has now successfully alienated another segment of this “great nation of ours”. Heck of a job, Sarah! Keep up the good work!
In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Rockin’ Robin song link:


(sung to the Jackson 5 song “Rockin’ Robin”)

Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweet tweet tweet tweet

She twits from the tree tops all day long
Twittin’ and a tweetin’ and singing her song
All of her supporters on C4P
Love to hear their Sarah go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ Palin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ Palin, tweet tweetly tweet
D’oh, Rockin’ Palin
‘Cause you really said a croc tonight

Every little message, every cryptic thing
Every little word from the ding-a-ling
She threw in the towel, it’s time to go
Flappin’ her lips every so and so

Rockin’ Palin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ Palin, tweet tweetly tweet
D’oh, Rockin’ Palin
‘Cause you really said a croc tonight

(musical interlude)

Petty little Palin that we just can’t stand
Tells her SarahPAC ers to fork out ten grand
She flirted with the devil and lost her soul
Payin’ legal bills through Kristan Cole

She sucks like a freeze pop all day long
Twittin’ and a tweetin’ and singing her song
All of her supporters on C4P
Love to hear their Sarah go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ Palin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ Palin, tweet tweetly tweet
D’oh, Rockin’ Palin
‘Cause you really said a croc tonight

Pretty little Palin just can’t understand
No one likes a beggar holding out her hand
Finding new employment is her next big goal
Her next job is with a stage-mounted pole

She twits from the tree tops all day long
Twittin’ and a tweetin’ and singing her song
All of her supporters on C4P
Love to hear their Sarah go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ Palin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ Palin, tweet tweetly tweet
D’oh, Rockin’ Palin
‘Cause you really said a croc tonight

Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweetly tweetly tweet
Tweet tweet tweet tweet

Palin v. G.O.P.:There Will Be No Winner

The “Queen of Quit” has done it again. It is now official, Sarah Palin has quit the Republican Party and joined the Tea-Baggers. For the second time in a month Palin has ignored the Republican Party and endorsed a competing Tea Party candidate. First she endorsed racist Tea-Bagger Rand Paul over the Mitch McConnell endorsed Republican Trey Grayson in the Kentucky Senate primary. Now she has endorsed Tea Party activist Clint Didier over the National Republican Senatorial Committee endorsed Dino Rossi in the Washington Senatorial race.

Palin’s endorsement of Didier came via Twitter, her favorite sophomoric form of communication. On Thursday, Palin “tweeted” that she is “inspired” by Didier and said he is a “patriot running for U.S. Senate to serve his state & our country for all the right reasons!”

This is good news for Democrats. Republicans and Tea-Baggers share many of the same right-wing conservative philosophies. Consequently the newly emergent Tea Party draws virtually all of its members from the Republican Party. The G.O.P. gets smaller and then must publicly battle with Tea-Baggers before even earning the chance to run against the Democratic Party candidate in a general election. The Tea-Bagger or Republican that wins the primary then comes to the general election already dripping with mud. Advantage – Democrat.

This scenario is presently playing out in the Washington state Senatorial race. Didier (Tea Party) has already attacked Rossi (Republican), painting him as  firmly entrenched in the Republican establishment. “If people want more of the same, the McCain or Bush type of governing, then they can support Dino,” Didier said in a statement earlier this month.

All of this my friends, is another glaring example of the “Palin Rule”. Whatever Palin touches, turns to crap!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) link:


(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about geography
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I love my shoes
And I really love my beehive ‘do
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

Yes, I do practice “politics of hate”
And I love to equivocate
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim that I can see Russia
From my living room bay
And I do not star on “Thirty Rock”, baby
That’s the talented Tina Fey

Don’t know much about interviews
Don’t know many Supreme Court views
Can’t name any books that I’ve read
Sure glad Bristol and Levi aren’t wed

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

And I do know you’ll love Sarah P.
We’ll be a nation of Scientology
What a right wing world this will be

Monday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 38

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Did Somebody Actually Vote For This Guy?” features Tea-Bagger favorite Rand Paul who won the Kentucky Republican Senate primary election last Tuesday. After his victory, not only did we learn that he is a racist that would like it to be legal for private businesses to discriminate, but then he defended BP and called President Obama “un-American” for his tough stance against the oil spill culprit. Let’s get this straight, it is un-American to hold a British foreign corporation liable for causing potentially the most devastating environmental disaster in US history and then trying to shift the blame elsewhere? Heck, then it must have been really, really, really un-American for the founding fathers to declare war on those same British merely for taxing our tea bags!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Don’t let The Facts Get In The Way of A Good Story” features the “Turd Blossom” himself. Karl Rove, former President George Bush’s top adviser, while hawking his new book this week, declared that Bush “never allowed” staffers to call their opposition “disparaging labels,” or “question their motives“. His words…

President Bush, for example, never allowed a White House staffer or administration spokesman to go out and do what this administration and our predecessor routinely did — that is to engage in calling the leaders of the opposition party disparaging labels and question their motives.

Oh really Karl? How about in your 2007 speech when you directly challenged the “motives” of your political opponents when you implied that Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) intentionally used rhetoric that would endanger American soldiers? You said,

Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the mideast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals.

Or how about when you questioned the patriotism of candidate Barack Obama for not wearing a flag pin when neither were you? Rove, you are a putz!

BREAKING NEWS: The good news of the week is that the Gulf Oil spill may be only 19 times greater than what BP originally told us.

THIS JUST IN: When moonbat crazy Republican Senator Michele Bachmann of Minnesota says, “No New Taxes” she means it. It was revealed this week that Bachmann “The Birther” has neglected to pay the property taxes owed on her million dollar home.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Your MySpace Page Said What?” features former Rand Paul campaign spokesperson Chris Hightower who’s MySpace page in 2008 said “Happy Nig_ _ r Day!!!” and featured a photo of a hanging man. Don’t believe me?

‘Nuff said about Rand Paul and friends.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Meet The Press” features Tea-Party darling and Republican nominee for Kentucky’s US Senate seat, Rand Paul. Oops, wait a second…what’s that? Rand Paul has just canceled his scheduled appearance on Meet The Press this morning? Why would he do that? Isn’t this the honeymoon period after his election victory on Tuesday?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Oops, I Did It Again” features Indiana’s conservative Congressman Mark Souder who resigned this week after it was revealed that he has been carrying on an extramarital affair with a staff member. We thought that type of behavior was mandatory to be a member of the Republican Party. Let’s look at our ever growing list of philandering Republicans:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall and now…Mark Souder.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Addams Family television theme  song link:


(sung to the television theme song “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re horny
Their dialect is corny
Morality is phony
The shady G.O.P.

If you’re in a museum
It’s real easy to see ‘em
With pants down to their knees’m
The dodgy G.O.P.

(Their meat)

They always get their ball on
And that’s the sword they fall on
Another gal to crawl on
The horny G.O.P.

Palin’s Daffy Doubletalk Dismays Devotees

If you're crazy and you know it, clap your hands...

As we have long surmised, all you had to do was give Sarah Palin enough rope and eventually she would hang herself. The metaphorical rope in this instance is the former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska’s own lengthy trail of words. Despite the fact much of what Palin says is an indecipherable jumble of mispronounced words and colloquial down-home catchphrases, she has now managed to contradict herself and counter conservative measures so often that she has lost support not only among the moonbat crazy Tea-Bagger crowd, but also amongst Republicans as a whole.

This news has even become apparent across the pond as they say. The UK Telegraph reports that more Alaskans than not think the presidency should not form the next chapter of Palin’s extraordinary story, while 45 per cent gave her a negative personal rating. It also points out that Tea Party supporters, her most ardent fans, showed that a majority wouldn’t vote for her if she ran for president in 2012. Further, the British paper states,

It is not just that the faithful are beginning to question her readiness for the White House. It is not just that they have doubts about a would-be president who wants all her questions pre-screened, who needs to scribble her talking points on her palm and whose favourite modes of communication are those of a 15-year-old, namely Twitter and Facebook. What is troubling Right-wingers is whether their great moose-hunting hope may not be the conservative real deal after all.

The paper goes on to say that,

Dissent is most evident among Palin’s 1.5 million Facebook friends, who have revolted against her decision to endorse Carly Fiorina, the controversial former Hewlett Packard executive, in a California Republican senate primary over the Tea Party favourite, Chuck DeVore. For some, Palin’s choice compounded her recent endorsement of McCain in his Arizona senate primary election battle against a more Right-wing candidate.

The suspicion is that Palin  didn’t do her homework on Fiorina – who favours a “cap and trade” energy reform bill and is considered insufficiently robust against abortion.

It would appear that Palin’s supporters are just now picking up on her contradictions and her penchant for opportunism that her critics have seen since she first appeared on the political scene.

The Telegraph contends for instance,

Palin decries federal government spending but as a state governor lapped it up (as almost all of them do). She attacked “big government” healthcare reform but accepts free care for her grandson, an entitlement received only because her husband Todd is one quarter native Alaskan.

Next it points out,

A supposed warrior against political correctness, she upbraided Rahm Emanuel, the White House chief of staff, for using the word “retard” as an insult, saying it was deeply offensive to her and Trig, her Down’s Syndrome son. Indeed it may have been. But when Rush Limbaugh, the talk radio supremo whom no Republican dares contradict, then committed the same offence, she remained silent.


An ostensibly staunch defender of the US constitution, Palin last week said that US law should be based on “the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments”. In doing so she completely ignored, or was ignorant of, the fact that the very aim of the founding fathers was to separate church and state, from that very British tyranny. As the first amendment states: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Those “unalienable rights” in the Declaration of Independence that Palin holds so dear were endowed by the “Creator”, not a God of a particular church or faith.

We should also point out that while pretending to be the hockey mom and/or hardworking “Sixpack Joanne” like so many of her devotees, Sarah Palin has actually been virtually unemployed yet earned more than 12 million dollars since last year. Presently, her lifestyle far more closely resembles that of the East Coast elite that she pretends to so despise than it does the down-homey, small town, Middle American that “clings to his/her guns and religion”. Finally, and most vividly, she has not yet found a way to gracefully backtrack from “drill baby, drill” even in the face of the Gulf Coast disaster. Many of the governors of those coastal Red states that so fervently advocated more offshore drilling are now taking a sober second look. Palin, on the other hand, simply digs in the heels of her Naughty Monkeys. Quite simply, Sarah Palin will soon alienate herself right out of the atmosphere of the political party to which she belongs.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Everybody’s Talkin’ song link:


(sung to the Harry Nilsson version of the song “Everybody’s Talkin”)

Sarah Palin’s talkin’ at me
Can’t understand a word she’s saying
She has a really troubled mind

People stopping, staring
Standing in their places
Palin’s just blinking both her eyes

Her brain is where the sun ain’t shining
Thinking is a strain
Like dead fish, she’s “goin’ with the flow”
Palin is just a bag of wind
Craving attention, please
She’s hoping that her supporters throw a bone

(musical interlude)

It’s no wonder that she’s been hiding
She might be insane
As for Prozac, she could use a dose
If she gives up then we all win
She could then strip-tease
And she could use that dancing pole as her throne

Sarah Palin’s talkin’ at me
Can’t hear a word she’s saying
Only the echoes of her whines

I just hope she’ll leave in double time

Oh, I just hope she le-ee-ee-eaves

I just hope she’ll leave in double time

Sarah Palin The Bibliotheque

Oh this is delicious. Sarah Palin is releasing a new book. Publisher HarperCollins has announced that the former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska and failed Republican (is “failed Republican” redundant?) US Vice Presidential candidate is releasing  a second book titled, “Family, Faith and Flag”. How original! By the way, it is just as uniquely subtitled, “A Celebration of American Virtues and Strengths”. Way to go out there on a limb Sarah, in an effort to comment on something controversial. Will Ms. Quittypants never learn that you can only drape yourself in the flag so long before people begin to question your motives (and sanity)?

Most likely as a direct result of her poorly penned, critically panned and mostly ghostwritten first book, Palin has elected to leave the writing to others this time. This book will simply be a collection of readings that have inspired the educationally challenged reality television series host. As HarperCollins puts it, the book will include…

“the nation’s founding documents, to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.” (Favorite songs? Do you think she might include any of the Lynnrockets parodies?).

Seriously, would Sarah Palin ever dare to honestly reveal to the world the readings, sermons, songs and movies that inspired her? For example, will she tell us about the sermon that inspired her to have the witches driven from her body in that Youtube clip that everyone has seen? Will she reveal that the film Ferris Bueller’s Day Off inspired her to skip so many classes that it took her over 6 years to earn a mere bachelor’s degree from a series of second rate colleges? Will she actually admit that she was inspired by the little known book, Sarah, Plain and Stupid? Will she explain how the “founding fathers” of the secessionist Alaska Independence Party (the AIP) inspired her to promote the party when she was Governor (and inspired “First Dude” Todd to actually register with the Party)? Would she ever dare to fess-up to the fact that her post-governorship career was inspired by the song, “Barbie Girl” (if you are not familiar with this song, click here)?

Who knows what the 2009 “Liar of the Year” will include in her new tome. Stay tuned for its release on November 23rd as Sarah Palin is sure to put the Bible in bibliotheque. Until then, please enjoy today’s topical song parody.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Paperback Writer song link:


(sung to the Beatles song “Paperback Writer”)

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Dear Rush and Coulter, will you read my tome?
It took a year to write in my Wasilla home
It’s based on the life of a political hack
And I take a few shots at  Johnny Mac as a paperback writer,
Paperback writer

A book of topics that I want a say on,
Which I wrote with finger-paints and a crayon.
It was edited by Todd the school drop-out,
He can’t read too well but he loves me as a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

It’s got twenty pages give or take a few,
And it has some pictures that Piper drew.
I threw in an old joke that Bristol once told
It’s a real page turner and I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer

My new book will appeal to those on the right
And everyone that is straight, racist and white.
Bill O’Reilly will love it, please have no fear,
I sure needed a boost and now I can be a paperback writer.
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Paperback writer – paperback writer
Paperback writer – paperback writer

Sarah Palin Has Dirty Oil On Her Hands But Not On Her Conscience

Silence is golden. If only we could get a little of that from Sarah Palin. You would think that the educationally challenged former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska would realize that in light of the recent Gulf Coast oil rig disaster, now is not the time to extol the benefits of more off-shore oil drilling. Then again, you would also think that an interview blowing, turkey head grinding, “death panel” lying, crib note relying, logic defying, Tea-Bagger buying, spotlight eyeing narcissist would not be capable of maintaining the interest of the “lamestream” media. Ah, but such is apparently not the case.

Last Friday Palin took to her Facebook page to “pipe-in” on the recent disaster while demanding more drilling immediately and without any preliminary study on the feasibility of making the practice more safe not only for the environment but for the men and women that work on those rigs. Remember, eleven people lost their lives as the result of corporate malfeasance. Palin said,

Alaskans understand the tragedy of an oil spill, and we’ve taken steps to do all we can to prevent another Exxon tragedy, but we are still pro-development.
I repeat the slogan “drill here, drill now” not out of naivete or disregard for the tragic consequences of oil spills – my family and my state and I know firsthand those consequences.

Wait a minute. If she repeats the slogan “drill here, drill now” not out of naivete or disregard, then what is her reasoning? Sarah would you please expound on that a little? We await your incomprehensible response with baited breath.

Oh, yippee! She spoke again on Saturday in Missouri before a bunch of Republicans. Inasmuch as Missouri is the “Show Me” state, we are sure that Ms. Quittypants would feel compelled to show the audience some facts to support what she is talking about, right?

Not so fast. Palin deemed the oil spill to be “very tragic”, but she then told her audience,… ready for this? “I want our country to be able to trust the oil industry”. Trust the oil industry? Perhaps we should trust Halliburton, Blackwater and Goldman Sachs too. Did the Exxon-Valdez disaster in her own backyard not teach the brain-dead corporate lackey a little something about the type of trust that can placed on oil companies?

Sarah Palin is simply as stupid as stupid comes.


Congratulations to the Boston Bruins for their thrilling Game 2 victory over the Philadelphia Flyers last night by a score of 3-2. The Bruins now lead the series 2 games to none with the series shifting to Philadelphia tomorrow for the next two games, ‘Here we go, Bruins, here we go!”

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Life In The Fast Lane song link:


(sung to the Eagles song “Life In The Fast Lane”)

Todd was a school dropout man, he was brain dead and then some
And Sarah was not really witty
They both hooked up and thought they looked so handsome
In the heart of Wasilla city
She had a nasty reputation and he was “First Dude”
The Palins were ruthless when it came to crude
They had one thing in common
With old Uncle Jed
She said, “Drill Baby Drill”
Till Mother Nature’s dead

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline

Are you with me so far?

The plan needed action, so said the dame
A bigger attraction than old John McCain
She called on Joe The Plumber
But she needed more pull
So she called on Joe Sixpack
Did the lipsticked pitbull
Those pipe-lines on the landscape, could seal her fate
So long as she had her cronies spreading politics of hate
The Palin fan base is not very bright
They are all old, straight and male and all of them are white, don’t doubt it

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

(musical interlude)

Drilling and boring, blinded by thirst
She couldn’t handle Gibson
Katie Couric was worse
She said, listen people, don’t you know I’m “mavericky”?
I can see Russia from my house, even Tina Fey agrees
Mac said, call Rush Limbaugh, I think we’re gonna crash
The polls are heading downward and we need some instant cash
They were lookin’ for some leeway
The election was lost
She didn’t care there was oil ‘neath that permafrost, so it was

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline