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Scott (Senator-Centerfold) Brown Gets A Royal Flush

We already knew that Massachusetts’ Teapublican Senator Scott Brown is an Emperor with no clothes (see his nude centerfold in Cosmopolitan magazine). What we did not know however, is that he alleges that he pals around with other royalty to boot! Whether or not these other royals shed their own robes when in Scott Brown’s company is still open to conjecture.

Scott Brown must be truly worried about his upcoming election in November. He appears to realize that not only is his Democratic opponent (and architect of the Consumer financial Protection Agency) out-raising him in campaign donations, but Elizabeth Warren is also winning the war of framing the campaign on the actual issues. Rather than resort to character assassination as Brown has done by alleging that Warren is not of Native American descent as she claims her parents told her, Warren has taken the fight to Brown by revealing that his Senate votes prove that he is indebted to the Wall Street bankers who provide the vast majority of his donations and not to the working/middle class who he pretends to represent.

Consequently, Scott Brown is now attempting to portray himself as a very important and powerful Senator during his campaign for the most highly anticipated Congressional race in the nation (his opponent has hauled in more than any of the 1,613 candidates officially running for Congress) . This is ridiculous of course, because Brown is only a junior Senator with little more than 2 years tenure. In fact, the Republican party leadership thinks so little of Brown that shortly after he was elected in a special election in 2010 following the death of Ted Kennedy, they evicted Brown out of Kennedy’s primo and spacious office space to a tiny dank and dark office in the bowels of the Senate. Brown has also lost favor with rank and file Republican Senators and conservative voters for his unreliability in voting the party line.

But even if his own Republican leadership insists that Brown is ineffectual and unreliable, Brown is hearing none of it. He sees himself in an entirely more flattering light. Indeed, Scott Brown believes that he is a power-broker who influences world events by caucusing with the leaders of the world. Just this week he appeared as a guest on Boston talk radio station WTTK-FM and told this whopper of a tale:

“Each and every day that I’ve been a United States Senator, I’ve been discussing issues, meeting on issues, in secret meetings and with kings and queens and prime ministers and business leaders and military leaders, talking, voting, working on issues every single day.” (Here is the audio: http://www.hark.com/clips/yqmgpwmfmz-kingsandqueens)

Immediately after the interview aired, Massachusetts Democratic Party Chairman John Walsh demanded a list of the Kings and Queens Brown claims to have met with since he took office, reports the Boston Herald. Then, just a few hours after the radio interview, Brown spokesman Colin Reed said the Senator misspoke. Fact is, Scott Brown has not and is not meeting with any Kings and Queens in double-secret meetings or even in the open for that matter.

Many people would refer to Scott Brown’s royal negotiations statement as a lie. However, maybe there is another explanation. As Brian McGrory of The Boston Globe says, maybe Scott Brown is simply delusional. McGrory ponders,

“Scott Brown understands that the Burger King is just a restaurant name, right — not an actual person? And when he sneaks off to the Dairy Queen for an Oreo Blizzard, that doesn’t actually count as a secret meeting with royalty?…Be worried about Senator Brown. Be very worried. It looks like he’s becoming delusional, starting to believe — and worse, trying to convince others — that he’s far more important than any junior senator has ever been.”

To make matters even worse for Scott Brown, The Huffington Post has just revealed that “Senator Centerfold” has been recorded on at least 5 separate occasions falsely saying that he has “secret” meetings with Kings and Queens. Let’s go to the video:

Looks like Senator Scott Brown has been caught with his pants down yet again.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Centerfold song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA1ykK1mhfo

SCOTT BROWN IS THE CENTERFOLD

(sung to the J. Geils Band song “Centerfold”)

Come on!

Does Scott walk? Does Brown talk?
Does he lie and cheat?
More devil than an angel
Always dealing in deceit

Scott’s as light as snowflakes
No credits to his name
He’s just a fallen angel
He’s also short one brain

Years go by I’m lookin’ through a girly magazine
And there’s my hometown Brownie on the pages in-between

CHORUS:
My blood runs cold
Scott’s mammaries are toned and bold
Scott Brownie is the centerfold
Brownie is the centerfold

My blood runs cold
Scott’s history has now been told
Brownie is the centerfold

Selling votes under his desk
Wall Street boys thinkin’, Scott Brown’s the best
My oh my, Scott earns their pay
No doubt he is their guy

Brown’s now shakin’ in his shoes
Whenever he’s jeered on nightly news
Like the whole damn G.O.P.
Scott Brown’s a pack of lies

They’re spineless, weak bed-wetters
Tea Baggers are their crutch
Scott Brown was their Queen for a Day
Now these days… not so much

CHORUS
My blood runs cold
Scott’s mammaries are toned and bold
Scott Brownie is the centerfold
Brownie is the centerfold

My blood runs cold
Scott’s history has now been told
Brownie is the centerfold

(Burger King and Dairy Queen break)

Now listen…
It’s okay I understand
Scott Brown is not a manly man
I hope that when Scott Brown is gone
I’ll see him when his clothes are on

Take his truck, Yes he will
He’ll take his truck and drive it
He’ll take it to a motel room
And take ’em off in private

Although Scott Brown is tanned and ripped
He must regret that day he stripped
Oh no, he can’t deny it
Oh yea, it’s gonna be “goodbye” yet

CHORUS:
My blood runs cold
Scott’s mammaries are toned and bold
Scott Brownie is the centerfold
Brownie is the centerfold

My blood runs cold
Scott’s history has now been told
Scott Brownie is the centerfold

My blood runs cold
Scott’s mammaries are toned and bold
Scott Brownie is the centerfold
Brownie is the centerfold
My blood runs cold
Scott’s history has now been told
Scott Brownie is the centerfold
Brownie is the centerfold

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Senator Centerfold (a/k/a Scott Brown) Gets Caught With His Pants Down

The most highly anticipated, most closely watched and most expensive Senate race in the nation is taking place in Massachusetts. The incumbent is the former Tea Party/Sarah Palin darling and centerfold model, Scott Brown and his Democratic challenger is the architect of the newly established Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, Elizabeth Warren. This particular race is considered to be so pivotal because it provides one of the best opportunities for the Democratic Party to pick-up a U.S. Senate seat so as to maintain (and possibly strengthen) its majority status.

Massachusetts of course, has historically been one of the most staunchly Democratic of states. It is one of the bluest of blue places in the nation. When Senator Ted Kennedy passed away in 2009 however, a special election to fill his seat was held in January 2010. As the result of out of state Tea Party money and some local Democratic Party apathy and overconfidence, Republican Scott Brown won that election. The very next day, Massachusetts Democrats vowed to re-energize themselves so as not only to recapture Kennedy’s Senate seat in 2012 but to ensure that Democrats hold on to every elected statewide office.

As the month’s passed, Scott Brown’s popularity began to wane both nationally and in Massachusetts. The radically conservative Tea Baggers were angered at Brown as the result of his siding with Democrats on some crucial Senate votes such as on an expensive jobs bill and he has repeatedly sided with Democrats on cloture votes which served to defeat Republican filibusters of Democratic bills. He has also lost luster amongst Bay Staters because he has been legislatively insignificant (as compared to Kennedy) and because he has been seen by many as a person who is willing to enable a child predator to continue offending. In his 2011 memoir, Against All Odds, Brown admitted that he was sexually molested as child at a local summer camp, but he has refused every request from law enforcement officials to identify the criminal so that he may be apprehended and brought to justice.

The strengthening wave of Massachusetts Democratic momentum and the ebbing tide of enthusiasm for Scott Brown became most evident during the 2010 national midterm elections. Brown’s seat was not up for election, but most every other statewide seat was in contest. The startling result was that in an election where Republican candidates won in a landslide of national elections and captured control of the US House of Representatives, the Brown-endorsed GOP candidates lost every single statewide race in Massachusetts. This made the Democratic party even stronger in that state than it was prior to Brown’s election. Suddenly Scott Brown’s formerly iron-clad grasp on the Senate seat was showing signs of weakness. What the Democrats needed however, was a strong challenger.

Enter Elizabeth Warren. The Harvard Law School professor and architect of the newly formed Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB). She brought instant momentum in the form of national support (and the out of state money which comes with that) and her high profile energized Massachusetts Democrats. Warren, who has never participated in an election and never held a political office, has managed to remain even with Brown in most every recent poll. Her tactic has been to stress the fact that throughout her career, she has fought to help the working/middle class (as a personal bankruptcy attorney) and to hold Wall Street and the Big Banks accountable for deceptive practices (see the CFPB). Meanwhile, she has characterized Brown as a errand boy for the wealthy and his Wall Street supporters. Warren never misses an opportunity to remind folks that conservative Forbes magazine named Scott Brown as one of “Wall Street’s Favorite Congressmen” (Brown also posed nude in Cosmopolitan).

But we digress. Today’s topic is how Scott Brown managed to put his foot in his mouth on at least two occasions this week.

Brown’s first blunder surfaced in his unfortunate response to President Obama’s decision to allow illegal immigrants to avoid deportation if they can prove they were brought to the United States before they turned 16 and are younger than 30, have been in the country for at least five continuous years, have no criminal history, graduated from a U.S. high school or earned a GED or served in the military. Brown, like most Republicans was caught off guard by Obama’s popular decision. The Boston Globe reports that Brown “said he opposes the change, suggesting it would set off a new wave of illegal immigration. He said he would be open to allowing young people who have chosen military service to obtain citizenship in recognition of their sacrifice. ‘Rather than sidestepping Congress on this major policy shift, the president should work with us toward a bipartisan, long-term solution,’ Brown said.”

Scott Brown apparently has a very short memory, however. He seems to have forgotten that President Obama already tried working with Congress when he offered the “bipartisan, long-term solution” known as the DREAM ACT. Brown must also have forgotten that he voted against that bi-partisan long term solution. So much for Brown’s working with Democrats and the President on the immigration issue.

Brown’s second hypocritical gaffe this week involved his conditional acceptance of participation in a televised debate with Warren. Vicki Kennedy, Senator Edward M. Kennedy’s widow, offered to host the debate at The Edward M. Kennedy ­Institute for the United States Senate. The proposed debate would be moderated by former NBC ­anchor Tom Brokaw.  Elizabeth Warren immediately accepted the invitation. Scott Brown however, conditioned his acceptance upon the condition that Vicki Kennedy would refrain from endorsing or campaigning for Warren. In a letter to the Institute, Brown’s campaign manager Jim Barnett wrote: “In order to proceed, we need to know that in keeping with the spirit of neutrality ­expressed in Vicki Kennedy’s letter that she will not endorse or otherwise get involved in this race…”

It is understandable and commendable that Scott Brown wants the debate format, organizers and moderator to remain neutral. Problem is, Scott Brown has not made any similar demand upon the host and moderator of another debate in which he has agreed to participate. Boston radio station WBZ and on air host Dan Rea have proposed a radio debate between Brown and Warren. Warren has not yet accepted the offer but Brown and the host have vowed that the event will take place. Brown went so far as to say he will debate an empty chair if Warren doesn’t show up.

Host and moderator Dan Rea however, is anything but neutral. He is a rabidly conservative talk radio host who has admitted on air that he is a friend of the Brown family and a huge supporter of Scott Brown’s candidacy. Additionally, Rea berates everything about Elizabeth Warren on nearly every one of his broadcasts. To be fair, shouldn’t Scott Brown also demand that Dan Rea “will not endorse or otherwise get involved in this race”? Do you think he will do so? Don’t count on it.

Scott Brown is a hypocrite.

UPDATE:

Vicki Kennedy has announced that she rejects Scott Brown’s demand that she stay neutral in the race. She responded to Brown through a letter Tuesday to the two campaigns from the institute.

“This non-endorsement pledge is unprecedented and is not being required of any other persons or entities. To us, such a pledge seems inappropriate when a non-media sponsor issues a debate invitation.”

Thereafter, Scott Brown backed out of the debate. His campaign issued the following statement: “We respect Vicki Kennedy’s decision but we regret that we cannot accept a debate invitation from someone who plans to endorse Scott Brown’s opponent,” Brown’s campaign manager Jim Barnett said in a statement Tuesday. “The Kennedy Institute cannot hold itself out as a nonpartisan debate sponsor while the president of its board of trustees gets involved in the race on behalf of one of the candidates.”

This is a particularly strange response from Brown inasmuch as he participated in a debate without objection sponsored by the same folks in 2010 when the the very same Vickie Kennedy had endorsed his then opponent, Martha Coakley.

Somebody, please call a WHAAAAAAAAMBULANCE for Scott Brown.

What a joke! Will Scott Brown back out of the debate sponsored and moderated by Dan Rea inasmuch as the host is anything but neutral and is a Scott Brown supporter? Don’t count on it.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Downtown song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sku-1hqA5xw

SCOTT BROWN

(sung to the Petula Clark song “Downtown”)

If Mass. is your home
And you are full of baloney,
You must surely be – Scott Brown
You have your worries,
With no clothes in snow flurries
You’re a nudist boy – Scott Brown

You’re popular in the woods but were voteless in the city
Your term is only two years Scott, and isn’t that a pity?
You’re sure to lose

You’ve got some Mitt Romney hair
But it grows down on your buttocks, we’ve seen when you’re bare, and so
Scott Brown – politics of hate when you’re
Scott Brown – voted right out the door
Scott Brown – private life’s waiting for you
(Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

Don’t wear a frown
As the Tea-Baggers surround you
They are friends not foes – Scott Brown
The “Party of No”
Is just the place that they go to
Where their hatred grows – Scott Brown

Just charm them with the rhythm of your naked bossanova
They’ll be bare-assed with you too before the night is over
Happy again

They’ll take off their underwear
Then they’ll forget all their troubles, forget all their cares like you,
Scott Brown – not erudite or bright
Scott Brown – every nudist’s delight
Scott Brown – you’re gonna be alright now
(Scott Brown, Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

(Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

And you might find that your behind will help ingratiate you
With Larry Craig who loves the view and has a gentle hand to
Guide you along

You two would make quite a pair
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares dear bro
Scott Brown – you’ll get kicked out the door
Scott Brown – Won’t take a minute more
Scott Brown – Private life’s waiting for you

Scott Brown (Scott Brown) Scott Brown (Scott Brown)
Scott Brown (Scott Brown) Scott Brown (Scott Brown)
(repeat and fade out)

Sarah Palin – Reprise II

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from January 30, 2010. Pleas enjoy again!

Sarah Palin: A Tea Party Change Of Hearty?

Tea Party Convention Officials anxiously await Palin’s decision.

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! Newser.com reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. The Bowling Convention) in June. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention (i.e. The Boozers’ Ball) also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

As a precursor to both of those events however, Palin is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN on February 6th. Like all things Palin and/or Tea Party related however, the event is devolving into a complete disaster. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. The last two Tea Party events were smaller than a five year old’s birthday party and those in attendance shared the  same level of education as the aforementioned cake and ice cream eaters. First there was the Washington DC “Die In” in which Tea Baggers were prepared to play dead inside congressional buildings as a protest against health care reform. Unfortunately very few Tea Baggers were “dying” to get involved. Next, there was the Tea Baggers’ National Strike planned for January 20th when the Baggers intended to show the world how they could strike or boycott media outlets and businesses that they do not watch or patronize anyway. By a showing of hands, how many of you even know if the strike took place?

So, what about the big National Tea Party Convention? Well, the first problem is the price of admission. Tickets are priced at a hefty $ 349.00 and $ 549.00. That is a lot of dough for all those marginally employed Tea Baggers. To add insult to injury, Palin was to be paid over $ 100,000.00 for her appearance. Did the organizers forget that Tea Baggers allegedly oppose excessive spending as well as elitists that profit off them? Ticket sales dwindled and then came the speaker cancellations. Congresswomen Marsha Blackburn and moonbat -crazy Michele Bachmann each backed out of the event on Thursday. Ticket sales plummeted even further. Consequently, Sarah Palin is now in a dilemma.

If Palin honors her commitment to speak at the event, she will once again be associated with a less than prestigious forum and most likely a small audience. If, like Blackburn and Bachmann, she cancels her appearance, she will add to her own legend as the nation’s Quitter in Chief. What’s the poor girl to do? Will she stay or will she go?

I bet you folks know where this one is going, don’t you? Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsNJDWA0sAw&feature=related

WILL SHE STAY OR WILL  SHE GO ?

(Sung to the Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Do you agree to pay them back?
The “Tea Baggers” want to know
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she will be humbled
But if she stays there will be trouble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Since demanding such a large fee
She is no longer their “cup of tea”
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she stays, she’ll stir up trouble,
But if she goes she will be humbled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all those “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Is Mitt Romney Disqualified From Serving As President? (What About His Father?)

This week’s episode of “Republicans Eating Their Own” features likely GOP Presidential nominee Willard M. Romney.

Are you folks familiar with the “Birthers”? Surely you must remember them. They are the folks like once-and-future GOP Presidential candidate Donald Trump, lawyer/dentist/realtor Orly Taitz, nutjob Maricopa County Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio and about 75% of Tea Party members. As you will recall, these folks do not believe that President Barack Obama was born in the United States despite all proof to the contrary and not a scintilla of credible evidence to support their allegation. Indeed, as recently as this week the anti-Obama Birther movement re-emerged when Republican U.S. Rep. Vicky Hartzler (MO) said she “doubts” that the birth certificate produced by President Obama is legitimate.

To their credit however, we have just learned that The Birthers are equal opportunity accusers. The Los Angeles Times reports that a group of minor party candidates and conspiracy theorists have sued California Secretary of State Debra Bowen to demand that she verify and/or address “questions concerning the eligibility” of Mitt Romney to vie for the role of commander in chief. The law suit was commenced by Republican write-in candidate John Albert Dummett, Jr., and Markham Robinson, the chairman of the American Independent Party of California, among other politicians and voters. The U.S. Constitution of course, requires the President to be U.S. born and at least 35 years of age.

MSN.com reports that one Birther explains that Romney’s citizenship is up for debate because his dad was born in Mexico. That is correct, Mitt Romney’s father was born in the Mexican colony that Mitt’s great-grandfather founded after fleeing the United States so he could stay married to Romney’s four great-grandmothers. Folks are now wondering if Mitt was, in fact, born in his father’s foreign homeland.

Of course, this also brings up the the fact that Mitt’s father George Romney was not eligible to serve as President when he ran for the Republican nomination in 1968. Where was all the conservative right-wing outrage then?

We can only wonder if Trump, Taitz, Arpaio and the Tea Baggers will take the same interest in Mitt Romney’s place of birth as they have with that of Barack Obama.

Stay tuned. Same moon-bat channel. Same moon-bat time (obscure 1960’s “Batman” television series reference for those of you under the age of 45).

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

“The Addams Family” theme song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIJoTEliQcU

THE ROMNEY FAMILY

 (sung to the theme song for “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re kooky
Four wives is really loopy
They’re out of touch and snooty
The Romney family

They’re house is a museum
Earn millions by per diem
They’re dog, you never see him
The Romney family

(Cheat)
(Suite)
(Wall Street)

The Birthers came a callin’
Mitt Romney’s stock is fallin’
He is just so appallin’
The Romney Family

Conservatve “National Review” Tells Gingrich To Quit And Romney To Tell The Truth

The very conservative and influential (at least to Tea Baggers) National Review magazine appears to be supporting Rick Santorum in his quest for the Republican Presidential nomination. This support however, does not appear to have been earned by Santorum’s actions or policies, but rather as the result of dissatisfaction with both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney.

Indeed, on Monday the magazine straight out called for Gingrich to quit the race. The magazine states, “it would be a grave mistake for the party to make someone with such poor judgment and persistent unpopularity its presidential nominee.” The editorial indicates that by the same criticisms that Gingrich levied against Santorum earlier in the campaign, “on his own arguments the proper course for him now is to endorse Santorum and exit.” Ouch! That is sure to leave a vivid and lingering mark.

As for Mitt Romney, the magazine describes the architect of RomneyCare as follows:

“the undramatic figure at the center of the primaries’ drama. Lack of enthusiasm for him has set it all in motion. Romney is trying to win the nomination by pulverizing his rivals. His hope is that enthusiasm will follow when he takes on Obama in the summer and fall. But his attacks on Santorum have been lame, perhaps because they are patently insincere. (Does anyone believe that Romney truly thinks poorly of Santorum’s votes to raise the debt ceiling?)”

The National Review prescribes the following for him:

“Romney is a transactional politician rather than a charismatic one. Maybe he should make the most of it: Tell conservatives what they will get out of a Romney presidency. Entitlements brought under budgetary control. A more market-oriented health-care system. Judges who know their place in the constitutional architecture. Fannie and Freddie extinguished. The defense budget protected. Tax reform, and tax relief for families.”

The magazine seems to be unaware of the obvious however, when it comes to Mitt Romney. The fact is that nobody can trust Romney to do what he says. After all he has flip-flopped regarding his position on abortion; health care reform; gun rights; contraception; climate change; Don’t Ask Don’t Tell; Ronald Reagan and no tax pledges. Romney even flip-flopped on what he said was his favorite book in just a span of a few days (first it was L. Ron Hubbard’s “Battlefield Earth” and then it was “Huckleberry Finn”).

Perhaps conservatives should simply face the facts and believe what Romney said in a moment of veracity while running for Governor of Massachusetts in 2002:

“I think people recognize that I’m not a partisan Republican, that I’m someone who is moderate, and my views are progressive.”

No matter who is named the eventual Republican nominee, there is one person who will be smiling. President Barack Obama.

Since it appears that more and more Republicans are urging Newt Gingrich to go away, our song parody today will focus on the man who is soon to be forgotten history. Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Rick Perry Exits Stage Right…Very Far Right

The insane asylum that is the field of Republican Presidential candidates is losing patients at an increasing rate. By quitting the race, Tim Pawlenty, Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann and Jon Huntsman have all demonstrated vast improvement in their ability to separate reality from fantasy. Those candidates have all made substantial progress by finally realizing that it was only fantasy to consider themselves qualified contenders for the presidency. They eventually accepted the reality that they are unelectable clowns and their quitting served to release them from the confines of false illusion.

Yesterday, Rick Perry joined them on the road to recovery. He too has now quit the race.

Rick Perry in fact, may have been the most delusional of all the clowns beneath The Koch Bros. and Tea Baggers Flying Republican Circus Big Top. This Texan’s ten gallon hat was filled with ten gallons of dumb. Take for example, his bizarre stump speech antics in New Hampshire. His speech was slurred. He made crazy faces. He made odd references. Often times he made no sense at all. It appeared that he was either drunk or overly medicated. It was sad to see a potential Presidential nominee in this condition. It was even more tragic to think that a person such as this could aspire to occupy the highest office in the United States.

Things got even worse at the Republican debate which followed. Perry made a fool of himself in front of his GOP opponents, the moderators, the live audience and the television audience. The Texas Governor was asked a question about his tax and spending plan — but completely blew the answer by looking like a complete fool. Perry was listing the three Cabinet agencies he wants to abolish — and forgot the third one. Remember how it transpired?

  • Perry:  And I will tell you it is three agencies of government when i get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see…Okay. Commerce, Education, and the —”
  • Romney:  EPA?
  • Perry:  EPA, there you go.
  • Moderator:  Seriously, is EPA the one you are talking about?
  • Perry:  No sir, no, sir. We are talking about the  – agencies of government – EPA needs to be rebuilt.
  • Moderator:  You can’t – you can’t name the third one?
  • Perry:  The third agency of government I would – I would do away with education, the Commerce…Commerce and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.

It is hard to believe, but things got even worse for Rick Perry after those fumbles. While speaking to a group of students in New Hampshire, Perry misinformed his young audience that the voting age is 21 (it is 18). He also told them to vote on November 12, 2012 which is not the day of the election (it is November 6th). Then, after finishing embarrassingly low in the Iowa Caucuses, he lurched very far to the right and announced that he changed his position on abortion. He was now against abortion in all cases, even in the case of rape or incest.

Another poor showing in the New Hampshire primary sealed Perry’s fate. He has now joined the quitting team of Pawlenty, Cain, Bachmann and Huntsman.

And then there were four. The remaining lunatics are Newt “Open Marriage” Gingrich, Mitt “15%” Romney, Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum and Ron “Racist” Paul. As soon as Paul quits, America can rest assured that in 2012 there will be “No New Texans”!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Come Monday song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_lL046m1Is

DUMB PERRY

 (sung to the Jimmy Buffett song “Come Monday”)

Heading out from ol’ El Paso
For campaignin’ and making dough
Rick’s got his ten-gallon on
He’s got his Colt 45, now he can lock and load

And Romney, he didn’t know
That he’d be trailing his foe
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie

Yes, Rick Perry is a bummer
Simple talk and lack of brains
And he wants to lead our nation
Some things are hard to explain

His state’s unemployment rolls grow
Its graduation rates are so low
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
An academic haze back in his college days
His degree should have just been denied

Trouble raisin’ money
A hay-chewin’ dumb redneck cow
He’ll get the white vote in Montana
Cuz cowboys love him without a doubt

Rick craves Pennsylvania Ave. scenery
Those gals have nice smellin’ hair
He’ll love bowling on Tuesdays
Not to mention his gubmint health care

San Antonio has worn Rick quite thin
He’ll take care of his oil-drillin’ friends
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie

Herman Has A Koch/Cain Habit

Last week we commented upon the close ties between Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain and the billionaire radically conservative Koch brothers.

Charles and David Koch of course, are the billionaire brothers who own Koch Industries which happens to be the largest privately owned company in the United States. That business was also recently implicated by Bloomberg Markets as having illegally sold millions of dollars worth of equipment to Iran in violation of United States laws.  The brothers have used their immense wealth in every way possible to influence and maintain governmental policies which keep the rich wealthy and make them richer, while decreasing the wealth of the working and middle classes. The Koch brothers fund conservative and libertarian policy and advocacy groups such as the Heritage Foundation, the Cato Institute and the Tea Party parent organization known as Americans for Prosperity. The AFP’s agenda includes weakening private and public sector unions, opposing environmental regulations and undoing Obama’s health care reform law, among other policies. To date, the Koch brothers have donated more than $100 million to these and similar organizations. In fact, Koch Industries has spent more than $50 million to lobby in Washington since 2006, according to the Center for Responsive Politics.

The Washington Post reported that Herman Cain’s economic ideas, support and organization have close ties to the Koch brothers. The Post reports,

“Cain’s campaign manager and a number of aides have worked for Americans for Prosperity, or AFP, the advocacy group founded with support from billionaire brothers Charles and David Koch, which lobbies for lower taxes and less government regulation and spending. Cain credits a businessman who served on an AFP advisory board with helping devise his “9-9-9” plan to rewrite the nation’s tax code. And his years of speaking at AFP events have given the businessman and radio host a network of loyal grassroots fans.”

Herman Cain has now doubled-down on his close ties to the Koch brothers. Last Friday while delivering a speech at a summit hosted by the aforementioned Americans for Prosperity in Washington, D.C., Cain stated that he takes pride in his relationship with the Kochs. His exact words?

“I’m their brother from another mother and proud of it!”

This outright support for the radically conservative brothers is not likely to sit well with mainstream Independents who are very important in the electoral process. When you add in the fact that Cain is completely befuddled by the status of China’s military nuclear capability and the recent revelations of multiple instances of alleged sexual misconduct, it appears that Herman Cain’s candidacy is a sinking ship.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody which was inspired by loyal Rocketeer, Sharon Antoinette Alexander.

Cocaine” song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3L4spg8vyo

KOCH/CAIN

(sung to the Eric Clapton song “Cocaine”)

If you’re having some doubt at who to kick about, Koch/Cain
If you’re laying face down, down on the ground, Koch/Cain
They just lie, they just lie, they just lie, Koch/Cain

If you watch Fox News, you’ll see they love those dudes, Koch/Cain
Mitt Romney is done but this bunch is fun, Koch/Cain
They just lie, they just lie, they just lie, Koch/Cain

(election influencing break)

Rick Perry is gone so they bought a new pawn, Koch/Cain
But this is a fact, Herm Cain don’t know jack, Koch/Cain
They just lie, they just lie, they just lie, Koch/Cain

They just lie, they just lie, they just lie, Koch/Cain

Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on April 14, 2010. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s Tax Day Tea Party rally in Boston.

Palin’s Boston Tea Party Bombs!

The same outfit worn in Boston today.

Although Fox News will report that attendance was in the millions, the actual head count for Sarah Palin’s Tea-Bagger rally on Boston Common today was approximately 1000 (including protesters). Let’s put that in perspective. The population of metropolitan Boston is 4.5 million and only 1000 bothered to see Sarah Palin on a bright sunny Spring day with temperatures in the mid sixties . More people than that show up on a daily basis at Boston Common to watch a squirrel and a pigeon fight over a discarded pretzel. The television coverage of NECN embarrassingly showed a lot more green grass than human beings on the Common.

Palin protesters were present. Many were sporting signs which said, “Health Care Reform. No Thanks To Palin”. Another read, “Hey Sarah, Family Values = 30 Million Newly Insured Americans”. We will update with more on the protest signs as we learn more. One of the Tea-Baggers held a sign which said, “Remember When Dissent Was Patriotic?”, only it was misspelled as “Dessent”. How appropriate and predictable.

Palin was dressed in a red leather jacket with a flag button (as usual). She said that husband Todd was with her and that he liked this type of tea party more than the ones he was forced to attend with other first ladies when he was the “First Dude”. The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska spoke only for about 20 minutes. It was the usual nonsense drivel in which she criticized the current administration without offering even one single alternative policy initiative. She claimed that “radical” changes like the health care reform law and student loan reforms have alienated our allies. Huh? She uttered her tiresome refrain that “Bostonians, like the rest of America will continue to cling to our Constitution, our guns and our religion”. Of course, Palin did not realize that Massachusetts favors and harbors some of the most strict gun laws in the nation. Sarah Palin needs to do some homework about the venues where she speaks. Next, she said that “the government works for the people, not the other way around”. Perhaps she should ask the millions of federal, state and municipal employees about that doozy. In rapid succession she then said, “nu-cue-ler” “drill baby, drill” and “Ya betcha”. The best part of her speech was that the amplifiers cut out repeatedly such that most of the small crowd could not hear a word that she spoke. The rally was scheduled to last until 1:00 pm but the crowd was gone by 11:25 am.

At one point, Ms. Quittypants attempted to rev up the quiet gathering by claiming that she had a personal connection to Boston. She claimed to have been on a youth hockey trip here when she met 1980 Olympic hockey captain and champion, Mike Eruzione. Problem is, Palin forgot his first name and completely mispronounced his last name. Of course Mike Eruzione (the good Democrat that he is) was not present at the rally. Then again, neither was newly elected nudist Republican Senator Scott Brown, Republican gubernatorial candidate Charles Baker or Republican congressional candidate Jeffrey Perry. The Massachusetts Republican candidates (few that there are) realize that Sarah Palin and her violent yet silly rhetoric is toxic to their election chances.

Sarah Palin was introduced to the tiny audience by local uber-conservative talk radio host and columnist for the Boston Herald (Enquirer). Michael Graham. Graham airs his acerbic daily radio show on Boston’s WTKK (affectionately known as WKKK as the result of its almost entirely right wing lineup). It is interesting to note that Graham drew criticism from blogs on the Left and the Right for comments about Bill and Hillary Clinton made on CNN Headline News’ Glenn Beck Show on June 20, 2007. Referring to a Clinton campaign ad based on the final episode of The Sopranos, Graham said “…didn’t you at some point want to see, like, Paulie Walnuts, somebody come in here and just whack them both right there? Wouldn’t that have been great?…Come on! Where’s “Big Pussy”? Come on! Let’s make it happen…I wanted that.” Graham adores and advocates gun violence as much as his hero Sarah Palin.

Thankfully, the response to this version of the Boston Tea Party was tepid.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Herman Cain: The Audacity of Grope

"Hello there, little lady."

Before reading this blog post you may want to click on the link below to listen to some appropriate 70’s porn background music as you continue.

Click here for background theme.

Let’s be blunt. Herman Cain is having a very bad week. Sexual harassment claims never end on a good note. In the case of Mr. Cain, it appears that he now must address at least three such instances of bad behavior. First, we learned of the two women who allegedly received damage settlements from the National Restaurant Association while Cain was the leader of the group. Then just a few days later we learned that another female victim has emerged. We also now have a witness to at least two of the events and an Iowa conservative radio host who claims that his receptionist was also subjected to some inappropriate behavior on the part of Cain. Just wondering, but were all of these women “just about the same height as” Cain’s wife? We all know that old adage, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire”.

Cain has not helped himself in deflecting the accusations either. His recollection of events has changed as many times as he has apparently changed victims. His story began with no knowledge on his part of any events. It then changed to a story that the women were provided termination packages and not damage settlements. From there it morphed into hand gestures around his mouth area being wrongly interpreted as something sinister when he was actually just commenting on the height of his wife. Then, just yesterday Cain decided to stop talking about the subject at all and he yelled at reporters for asking questions. Yikes!

To add fuel to the fire of this developing situation, it has been speculated that it is Republicans who have unearthed the story in an attempt to bring down Herman Cain’s candidacy for the presidency. At this point Cain’s people are pointing the finger at Rick Perry. The Mitt Romney campaign has also been suspected however. The irony of all this is that Cain claims to be the victim of unproven accusations and yet he has very quickly alleged unfounded accusations against his political opponents. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

As we said earlier, seldom do these situations end on a good note. Recent examples are John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Mark Souder and Anthony Weiner. If these allegations against Herman Cain prove to be true, we will know one thing for certain: “Cain is not Able”.

Herman Cain is now finished. Inasmuch as Rick Perry and Chris Christie are also gone, who will be the Republicans’ next flavor of the month? Marco Rubio are you out there?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Hurricane” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YngpWylqQ3A

HERMAN CAIN

 (sung to the Bob Dylan song “Hurricane”)

Herman Cain shouts out to the radical right
He was doin’ pretty fine but now he will fall
His 9-9-9 plan was a resounding dud
Romney and Perry are having a ball
Here comes the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.

Herman was chosen by the Tea Party
The only black man to be brainwashed by the GOP
“I will do it” he said as they were clapping hands
“But my views do not register with all the other black men”
“They’re non-believers” he says and he stops
“There’s already a black man at the top”
“Can I keep my pizza shops?”
“Will I somehow make the scene with my liberal-bashin’
“As a black man on the right?”

Meanwhile far away in another part of town
The Koch Brothers and a couple of friends are drivin’ around
They needed somebody to don the right-wing crown
Had no idea the kind of idiots who were hangin’ around
Michele Bachmann looked like she was about to explode
Just like the time before Mitt Romney can’t stand pat
And Rick Perry is just too dumb and slow
He’s a hack… and he is destined for a big defeat
And Obama must be beat!

All these fellows prompted laugher and had no chance to reach the top
The Koch Brothers oh so sadly were just out prowling around
They said, “the other men running, they are lightweight candidates”
“They’ll look like morons when they get to the debates”
Those ol’ boys were just inclined to scratch their sore heads
Koch said, “Wait a minute boys, here’s our thoroughbred!”
He then suggested good ol’ Herman C.
And though this man had no history
They told him that he could surely be their chosen man.

Four in the morning and they called Herman in
They were downright hospitable and they calmed all his fears
Then Herman Cain looked up through his two crying eyes
Says, “I’m shedding all these tears because I’m your guy”
Yes, this is the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.

Four months later and Wall Street is inflamed
Herman tells the jobless that they are all to blame
While all those bailed-out bankers profit from their greedy games
And Cain sides with the shifty one-percent while he calls the protesters names
He went even further but he went too far
By raisin’ taxes on those workers at the bar
He showed his tax plan had a fatal flaw
Ol’ Herman Cain began to hem and haw…running in fright
Even attacked from the right.

Now all those Tea-Baggers said, “I’m really not sure”
“Raise all our taxes? Please give us a break!”
“We picked you for this cushy job but just maybe you’re not our fellow”
“Now just like flip-flopping Romney, it seems your spine’s made of Jello”
“You best modify your bad behavior”
“Or Newt Gingrich will become our newest flavor!”
“Now you best listen to us, Sir”
“Don’t wanna pin our hopes and dreams upon him”
“Our view of him is quite dim.”

Cain had to take a stand and he had a hunch
But his cigarette smoking ad proved he was out to lunch
It’s a YouTube play and it was a bad day
Now that it’s over he hopes that it just goes away
Reviews weren’t very nice
Still the next time though, he better think twice
His campaign ad an epic fail
What can Herman do next to bail out?
Cuz he’ll never be the man in the White House

All of Herman’s cards were marked in advance
His campaign was a circus, he never had a chance
He tried to cast detractors as drunkards from the slums
To the sane folks who watched he was a corporate-crony bum
He was a big dope with an ego even bigger
No one doubted he was a gold-digger
And he proved he never was “the one”
The Koch Brothers chose the wrong son.. oh yes, indeed
And all the Tea-Baggers agreed.

Cain was later identified
By two former employees who testified
Of sexual harassment of which Cain lied
And the newspapers they all went along for the ride
How can the wife of such a man
Proudly wear his stained wedding band?
While he claims that he was framed?
Herman Cain should be rightly ashamed… to be such a man
Who would deny his blame.

Now the Koch Brothers in their coats and their ties
Are glad to drink martinis and choose their next guy
There must be somebody out there that they can sell
Cuz Herman Cain he was not all that swell
That’s the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.

Rick Perry Finally Gives A Correct Response

The FrankenPerry Monster

Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry appeared on Fox News a/k/a  the GOP Propaganda Network on Tuesday evening and expressed regret over taking part in the Republican debates. When asked if he feels he had made any mistakes in his campaign thus far, Perry responded it was, “probably ever doing one of the debates. All they’re interested in is stirring it up between the candidates instead of really talking about the issues that are important to the American people.”

Finally, an honest answer from Rick Perry. Anyone who has “taken one for the team” and watched the Republican debates knows that Rick Perry is a disaster on stage. He is simply incapable of providing a coherent and on-point answer to any question. He also has a tendency to lose his temper and speak in tongues. Back in September, Fox News’ very own Brit Hume summed it up best when he described one of Perry’s debate performances as follows:

“Perry really did throw-up all over himself at the debate and at a time when he really did need to raise his game, … he did worse…Perry is about one half a step away from total collapse as a candidate…What keeps happening here is these people have a moment, they get into the race as Perry did and zoom to the top and everybody is in love, and then we get a dose of them… and they don’t seem so great.”

Well said Mr. Hume. Very well said.

Rick Perry however, has other things to worry about as his campaign progresses and Americans learn more about him. For instance, his Texas miracle has been called into question. We learned that although Texas has been creating jobs, it leads the nation in jobs that pay only at or below the minimum wage and with no benefits. Perry also boasted that the federal govt. is too bloated and it should look to Texas as a model of how to create employment. Unfortunately for Perry, it was then revealed that Texas’ largest employer is actually the federal govt. (Fort Hood). Also despite Texas’ job growth, the state’s unemployment rate of 8.5 percent is higher than both the rate in Democratic New York and Massachusetts. Indeed Massachusetts’ lower unemployment rate of 7.3 percent was achieved despite the fact that the Bay State has near universal health insurance coverage as the result of its 2006 health reform law which includes personal mandates. On the contrary, Texas has the highest percentage of uninsured residents in the nation.

Speaking of health care, Rick Perry’s adamant opposition to health care reform has also called into question. You see, like flip-flopping Mitt Romney, Perry was also for health care reform before he was against it. The Daily Caller reports that in 1993, while serving as Texas Agriculture Commissioner, Perry praised the efforts of then-first lady Hillary Clinton to reform health care, a precursor to Obama’s health care reform efforts. In a letter to Ms. Clinton he wrote, “I think your efforts in trying to reform the nation’s health care system are most commendable” and “Again, your efforts are worthy, and I hope you will remember this constituency as the task force progresses.” Clinton’s health care proposal was of course, a single payer universal health plan. Ouch! That is going to leave a mark which the Tea Baggers will not miss.

An additional problem for Rick Perry’s Texas is that the tax cutting has led to a situation where Texas ranks 44th in expenditures per public school pupil. That has translated directly into Texas’ rank as the 43rd worse state in terms of percentage of high school graduates. This lack of academic achievement has simply provided a steady supply of applicants for all of Texas’ jobs which pay at the minimum wage or below. That probably does not bother Rick Perry all that much however, inasmuch as he was not much of a student himself. He was placed on academic probation while attending Texas A&M.

Perhaps Rick Perry is the actual Ponzi Scheme that he so often references. It appears that Rick Perry’s day in the sun is coming to an end. Republicans are beginning to chant, “Read My Lips, No New Texans!”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Beverly Hillbillies Theme song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFI-hhndCek

THE RICK PERRY HILLBILLY

(sung to the theme of “The Beverly Hillbillies”)

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a Gov. named Rick
Just like George Bush, a dumb and backwards hick
The Texans know they earn money for their food
Not cuz Rick’s around, it’s that bubbling crude
(Oil that is. Black Gold. Texas Tea)

As for sick folks Rick just hasn’t got a care
No insurance, all they have is prayer
Washington DC is the place he wants to be
So he threw his name in  for the Presidency
(Crazy that is, Bachmann, Newt Gingrich)

(academic probation break)

Well now its time to say good-bye to Rick and all his kin,
He is in New Hampshire raisin’ dough and campaignin’
He doesn’t know squat ‘bout economic policy
But that does not matter to those fools that drink his tea.
(Perry’s a hillbilly, that’s what we’ll call him now, cow polk)
Y’all come back now, y’hear?