Daily Archives: April 11, 2010
Just a few newsworthy events that have been careening around the stratosphere this week.
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Tell Us Something We Didn’t Already Know” features the mother of the right-wing radical that threatened Nancy Pelosi. She blames Fox News for inciting her mentally imbalanced son to violently take action against Democrats. Watch this video clip of Countdown With Keith Olbermann:
THIS JUST IN: More Nevada Republicans are calling for disgraced G.O.P. Senator John Ensign to resign. Ensign, you may recall, is the “family values” Republican that had an affair with a married staffer and then arranged to have his parents pay “shut-up” money when her husband caught on. It was later revealed that Ensign may have also arranged employment at a lobbying firm for his mistress’ husband and then approved legislation in favor of the firm’s clients. The Las Vegas Sun reports that “Nevada Republicans were upset “that Ensign seems oblivious to the collateral damage caused by his actions, and unwilling to make the matter disappear by resigning.” Johnny, we hardly knew ye.
BREAKING NEWS: Democratic Congressman Bart Stupack of Michigan has announced that he will not seek re-election. Good. He was a thorn in the side of the newly enacted health care reform law because of his persistent anti-pro-choice stance. Let’s hope that the citizens of Michigan replace him with a true progressive Democrat.
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “It’s About Time” features Tom Fetzer. The North Carolina Republican Party Chariman has called for Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele to step down from his post, becoming the first committee member to publicly seek Steele’s resignation. This is the point where you add your favorite comment about lesbian/bondage strip clubs.
BREAKING NEWS: Alaska natives are accusing the Catholic Church of using their remote villages as a “dumping ground” for child molesting priests. This problem seems to worsen by the day.
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Right Back At Ya” features president Barack Obama and the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. In response to Palin’s misguided criticism of the President’s recent nuclear weapons pact, Obama said, “I really have no response, because last I checked, Sarah Palin’s not much of an expert on nuclear issues.” Way to go, Barry!
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Look Who Stepped In It This Time” features former Republican candidate for President, Mike Huckabee. The creepy evangelist and current Fox News host attacked gays once again this week in an interview printed in the College of New Jersey’s magazine. He said with regard to civil unions,
You don’t go ahead and accommodate every behavioral pattern that is against the ideal,” he said of same-sex marriage. “That would be like saying, well, there are a lot of people who like to use drugs, so let’s go ahead and accommodate those who want who use drugs. There are some people who believe in incest, so we should accommodate them. There are people who believe in polygamy, so we should accommodate them.
Huckabee also insisted that same-sex couples shouldn’t be allowed to adopt or become foster parents because they’re somehow unfit to take care of children:
Children are not puppies,” he continued. “This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?
Looks like Mike may have angered a lot of people. Good luck with that next Presidential run, Mike.
Huckleberry Hound theme link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXzxuZ_0uG8
(sung to the “Huckleberry Hound” theme)
The biggest clown in town is the Huckabee Hound
And his G.O.P. pals.
He has a big bald dome and he penned a bad poem
For those guys and gals.
Mike Huckabee fun is not for everyone,
In fact he inspires frowns.
If you are pro-choice,
He’ll offer you no voice
He’s Mike Huckabee Hound.
That oh, so sucky, rubber ducky,
Mike Huckabee Hound