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Sarah Palin – Reprise II

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from January 30, 2010. Pleas enjoy again!

Sarah Palin: A Tea Party Change Of Hearty?

Tea Party Convention Officials anxiously await Palin’s decision.

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! Newser.com reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. The Bowling Convention) in June. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention (i.e. The Boozers’ Ball) also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

As a precursor to both of those events however, Palin is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN on February 6th. Like all things Palin and/or Tea Party related however, the event is devolving into a complete disaster. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. The last two Tea Party events were smaller than a five year old’s birthday party and those in attendance shared the  same level of education as the aforementioned cake and ice cream eaters. First there was the Washington DC “Die In” in which Tea Baggers were prepared to play dead inside congressional buildings as a protest against health care reform. Unfortunately very few Tea Baggers were “dying” to get involved. Next, there was the Tea Baggers’ National Strike planned for January 20th when the Baggers intended to show the world how they could strike or boycott media outlets and businesses that they do not watch or patronize anyway. By a showing of hands, how many of you even know if the strike took place?

So, what about the big National Tea Party Convention? Well, the first problem is the price of admission. Tickets are priced at a hefty $ 349.00 and $ 549.00. That is a lot of dough for all those marginally employed Tea Baggers. To add insult to injury, Palin was to be paid over $ 100,000.00 for her appearance. Did the organizers forget that Tea Baggers allegedly oppose excessive spending as well as elitists that profit off them? Ticket sales dwindled and then came the speaker cancellations. Congresswomen Marsha Blackburn and moonbat -crazy Michele Bachmann each backed out of the event on Thursday. Ticket sales plummeted even further. Consequently, Sarah Palin is now in a dilemma.

If Palin honors her commitment to speak at the event, she will once again be associated with a less than prestigious forum and most likely a small audience. If, like Blackburn and Bachmann, she cancels her appearance, she will add to her own legend as the nation’s Quitter in Chief. What’s the poor girl to do? Will she stay or will she go?

I bet you folks know where this one is going, don’t you? Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsNJDWA0sAw&feature=related

WILL SHE STAY OR WILL  SHE GO ?

(Sung to the Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Do you agree to pay them back?
The “Tea Baggers” want to know
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she will be humbled
But if she stays there will be trouble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Since demanding such a large fee
She is no longer their “cup of tea”
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she stays, she’ll stir up trouble,
But if she goes she will be humbled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all those “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Sarah Palin – Reprise

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from November 19, 2009. Please enjoy again!

Sarah Palin, The Sometimes Reluctant Covergirl

There she goes again. Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska is once again claiming to be a victim of the mainstream media. This time the target of her accusation is the November 22, 2oo9 edition of Newsweek magazine (see above). On Monday, Palin posted the following on her Facebook page:

“The choice of photo for the cover of this week’s Newsweek is unfortunate. When it comes to Sarah Palin, this ‘news’ magazine has relished focusing on the irrelevant rather than the relevant. The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist, and oh-so-expected by now.”

But is it really the photo that Ms. Quittypants is upset about for being “sexist”? After all, she did pose for that photo and never objected publicly to the nearly identical photos published this year in a running magazine. And do “sexist” magazine covers always bother her? If so, then why did she not complain about being referred to as “America’s Hottest Governor” on the cover of the February 2008 edition of Alaska magazine? No, we would venture to guess that Palin is not as upset at the photo which appears on the cover of Newsweek, but rather the caption which accompanies it. It says, “How do you solve a problem like Sarah? She’s bad news for the GOP – and for everybody else, too.” It seems that the clearly “sexist” caption of the Alaska magazine was okay for Sarah because it was flattering to her. The Newsweek photo however, was highly objectionable it seems, because the accompanying caption cast Palin in such an unflattering light.

Poor Sarah, she can’t help it. She was born with a simple mind in her mouth.

And that brings us to today’s parody. In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvzHGYSv8kw

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(musical interlude)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Give your shoes a shine,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on April 14, 2010. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s Tax Day Tea Party rally in Boston.

Palin’s Boston Tea Party Bombs!

The same outfit worn in Boston today.

Although Fox News will report that attendance was in the millions, the actual head count for Sarah Palin’s Tea-Bagger rally on Boston Common today was approximately 1000 (including protesters). Let’s put that in perspective. The population of metropolitan Boston is 4.5 million and only 1000 bothered to see Sarah Palin on a bright sunny Spring day with temperatures in the mid sixties . More people than that show up on a daily basis at Boston Common to watch a squirrel and a pigeon fight over a discarded pretzel. The television coverage of NECN embarrassingly showed a lot more green grass than human beings on the Common.

Palin protesters were present. Many were sporting signs which said, “Health Care Reform. No Thanks To Palin”. Another read, “Hey Sarah, Family Values = 30 Million Newly Insured Americans”. We will update with more on the protest signs as we learn more. One of the Tea-Baggers held a sign which said, “Remember When Dissent Was Patriotic?”, only it was misspelled as “Dessent”. How appropriate and predictable.

Palin was dressed in a red leather jacket with a flag button (as usual). She said that husband Todd was with her and that he liked this type of tea party more than the ones he was forced to attend with other first ladies when he was the “First Dude”. The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska spoke only for about 20 minutes. It was the usual nonsense drivel in which she criticized the current administration without offering even one single alternative policy initiative. She claimed that “radical” changes like the health care reform law and student loan reforms have alienated our allies. Huh? She uttered her tiresome refrain that “Bostonians, like the rest of America will continue to cling to our Constitution, our guns and our religion”. Of course, Palin did not realize that Massachusetts favors and harbors some of the most strict gun laws in the nation. Sarah Palin needs to do some homework about the venues where she speaks. Next, she said that “the government works for the people, not the other way around”. Perhaps she should ask the millions of federal, state and municipal employees about that doozy. In rapid succession she then said, “nu-cue-ler” “drill baby, drill” and “Ya betcha”. The best part of her speech was that the amplifiers cut out repeatedly such that most of the small crowd could not hear a word that she spoke. The rally was scheduled to last until 1:00 pm but the crowd was gone by 11:25 am.

At one point, Ms. Quittypants attempted to rev up the quiet gathering by claiming that she had a personal connection to Boston. She claimed to have been on a youth hockey trip here when she met 1980 Olympic hockey captain and champion, Mike Eruzione. Problem is, Palin forgot his first name and completely mispronounced his last name. Of course Mike Eruzione (the good Democrat that he is) was not present at the rally. Then again, neither was newly elected nudist Republican Senator Scott Brown, Republican gubernatorial candidate Charles Baker or Republican congressional candidate Jeffrey Perry. The Massachusetts Republican candidates (few that there are) realize that Sarah Palin and her violent yet silly rhetoric is toxic to their election chances.

Sarah Palin was introduced to the tiny audience by local uber-conservative talk radio host and columnist for the Boston Herald (Enquirer). Michael Graham. Graham airs his acerbic daily radio show on Boston’s WTKK (affectionately known as WKKK as the result of its almost entirely right wing lineup). It is interesting to note that Graham drew criticism from blogs on the Left and the Right for comments about Bill and Hillary Clinton made on CNN Headline News’ Glenn Beck Show on June 20, 2007. Referring to a Clinton campaign ad based on the final episode of The Sopranos, Graham said “…didn’t you at some point want to see, like, Paulie Walnuts, somebody come in here and just whack them both right there? Wouldn’t that have been great?…Come on! Where’s “Big Pussy”? Come on! Let’s make it happen…I wanted that.” Graham adores and advocates gun violence as much as his hero Sarah Palin.

Thankfully, the response to this version of the Boston Tea Party was tepid.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on November 30, 2009. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s lying about conducting a bus tour to promote her book Going Rogue when in fact she was traveling in a privately owned luxury jet.

Sarah Palin: The Fibber On Twitter

Palin arrives by jet, oops we mean bus, in Orlando, FL.

Thanks to our friends over at Palingates (and yes, we are aware of the updated correction), another pack of the former ex-quitting governor’s lies (or purposely misleading statements) has been exposed. Last week that blog revealed that contrary to public opinion and official Palin announcements, Sarah  Palin is not actually on a bus tour to promote sales of her ghost-written memoir. In fact, rather than traveling in a workingman’s motor coach to each of the rural hamlets where she hawks the tome, Sarah prefers the elitist comforts of a privately owned luxury jet. It appears that she takes the jet to the next city on her tour and then discreetly rides the bus only a short distance from either her hotel or the airport to the next book signing event. She is not forthright with regard to her means of travel because she wants her fan base to believe that she is one of them; hardworking and frugal in these recessionary times. She wants them to believe that she lives like them by shopping at second hand stores and by the hands-on raising of her children. This is a calculated deception however, because in reality she and her family wore $ 150,000.00 worth of  clothes that were purchased by means of campaign donations and she pays nannies to raise her children.

Sarah Palin’s deceptions continue by means of her Twitter posts. Once again, the folks at Palingates exposed the deception. On the morning of November 24, 2009, Palin posted the following message on her twitter account:

On bus to Jacksonville, FL book signing. The Southern hospitality around here is unsurpassed – thx for the encouragement!3 book events today

In fact, Palin may have been traveling by bus at that moment, but she certainly did not ride the bus from Birmingham, AL to Jacksonville, FL. The flight log (see below) of her luxury jet reveals that she arrived via plane in Jacksonville the previous evening (November 23, 2009) at 10:09 pm. Palin supporters might be tempted to say that although the plane was in Jacksonville, there is no evidence that Palin was on the plane. Problem is, the plane seems to arrive at and depart from Palin’s book signing event locations on the very day that Palin arrives and departs from those locales. Notice the arrivals and departures from Rochester, NY, Fayetteville, NC, Birmingham, AL, Jacksonville, FL, Orlando, FL and Tri-Cities, WA. That would be quite a coincidence if Palin were not on board.

Great work Palingates!

Today’s song parody is based upon Sarah Palin’s high flying lies about her means of travel. Please enjoy.

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Leaving On A Jet Plane song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4hsC0nRvZM

FLYIN’ ON A JET PLANE

(sung to the John Denver song “Leaving On A Jet Plane”)

All her bags are packed, she’ll “go with the flow”
Dressed like a flight attendant ‘ho
To raise some cash Palin takes to the sky
The “First Dude” must stay home, he’s so forlorn
Stapleton’s waiting, she’s blowing her horn
To hell with that bus, Sarah wants to fly

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Giddy that they pay her fee
She’s more famous now than Plumber Joe
She’s flyin’ on a jet plane
She’ll never ride that old bus again
She’s raking in the dough

From Fayetteville her plane leaves the ground
In Birmingham it touches down
Sarah Palin sits next to the wing
She meets her fans and signs some books too
Then back on the jet with the nice view
Sarah Palin is living like a king

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
All her fans have paid her fee
She is headed now for Jacksonville
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
Her fans left standing out in the rain
They hate to see her go

In Orlando she tells the crew
We now must fly someplace new
Send that decoy bus upon its way
She knows that her fans are dumb
But her plane travel must stay mum
Or they might stop donating their pay

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Happy that they paid her fee
Thinking of the ways she’ll spend her dough
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
Profiting from their lack of brains
She smiles at them below

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Happy that they paid her fee
Thinking of the ways she’ll spend her dough
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
Profiting from their lack of brains
She smiles at them below.

Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on October 29, 2010. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s backing away from Delaware senate candidate Christine O’Donnell after it became apparent to everyone that O’Donnell was crazy.

Palin Is Bailin’ On Failin’ O’Donnell

It has been less than two months since Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Christine O’Donnell for Joe Biden’s former Delaware Senate seat. On September 8th, the “Queen of Quit” retweeted a tweet from conservative radio host Tammy Bruce to her over 200,000 alleged followers. The tweet said, “@ChristineOD is great, her election must [be] a major focus for us all.” Palin then officially broke the news by calling her Fox News “BFF” Sean Hannity. Hannity then quickly sent out a Twiiter tweet which said, “Thanks @SarahPalinUSA for the last minute call in. Endorsement of Christine O’Donnell was an exclusive. Said she hadn’t told Christine yet.” Immediately thereafter, O’Donnell tweeted, “Just got Gov. Palin’s endorsement! Thank you for your prayers!” Yikes, what a frightening love triangle comprised of Palin, conservative talk radio and O’Donnell.

But, a funny thing happened on the way to a joint Palin/O’Donnell campaign appearance. O’Donnell was exposed as an unqualified fool. The whole nation became aware of her “dabbling in witchcraft”, “satanic alter” picnics, masturbation ban, evolution denying, tax evasion, college degree mystery, campaign donation games and finally, her complete misunderstanding of the United States Constitution. Nevertheless, Sarah Palin is a stalwart, loyal and dedicated supporter of her “Mama Grizzlies”. So, what did she do to rehabilitate O’Donnell’s image? Nothing. She quietly faded from the scene and thus far has avoided any attempted joint public appearance.

Our advice to Christine O’Donnell? Don’t hold your breath. There are only 3 days left before the election and Sarah Palin has hitched her caboose to the “Tea Party Express Traveling Kool-Aid Show and Freak Emporium”, which will purposely steer well clear of the Blue Hen State. Palin has made it absolutely clear that O’Donnell is persona non grata (btw, for you G.O.P. readers, persona non grata means “an unwelcome person”).

This is not surprising. Sarah Palin changes her allegiances as often as she changes her Naughty Monkey heels. When is the last time you heard her mention Meg Stapleton, Ivy Frye, Kris Perry, Kristan Cole or even Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman for that matter? Palin is fickle and loves front-runners and unfortunately for O’Donnell, the flavor of the day is Joe “computer tampering” Miller and Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. Don’t believe it, Christine? Then try contacting Sarah by telephone and see if she will “get back to ya on that”!

Face it, Christine. You are on your own till Tuesday when you become a footnote in history. Here is a little advice until then. You might consider resisting the urge to don your lady-bug costume, get blasted and go on a manhunt this pre-election Halloween. You already carry enough baggage.

A Halloween to remember.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired parody.

Witchy Woman song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d8hZtvRPno

WITCHY WOMAN (O’DONNELL VERSION)

(sung to the Eagles song “Witchy Woman”)

Crazy stare on Bill Maher’s clips
She is one of Palin’s dips
O’Donnell is our delight
She’s a crazy Tea-Bagger that’s not too bright
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

I watched Bill Maher the other night
O’Donnell was so uptight
She said Charles Darwin was out of tune,
And his evolution theory was so untrue
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

(masturbation break with oohs and ahhhs)

She can’t seem to keep a lover,
Let me tell ya brother, she’s been sleeping in the Devil’s bed.
And there’s some rumors going round,
Polls are headed down
November will be the right time
To strike this witch dead

Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This columns were originally posted way back on June 14th, June 15th and June 16th of 2009. They dealt with the feud between Sarah Palin and David Letterman which erupted when Letterman made a joke about one of Palin’s teen daughters getting pregnant out of wedlock.

PALIN’S LATE NIGHT FIGHT

Palin Letterman

OK folks, you knew this one would be coming. So, without further adieu, please enjoy the David Letterman/Sarah Palin song parody.

As usual, please remember to click on the song link below so that you will have much more fun singing along.

You May Be Right song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cih0btgJw8s&feature=related

DAVE MAY BE RIGHT

(sung to the Billy Joel song “You May Be Right”)

Monday night Dave trashed her daughter
Wednesday night he said, “I’m sorry”
Friday night he trashed her once again
He was only having fun
With the Guv’nor with a gun
And we all enjoyed the heated tense exchange

Palin’s living in the twilight zone
She has the thinnest skin we know
Like the Oz Scarecrow she could really use a brain
Polls now show she’s in a dive
And her hair in that beehive
Like we said, this only shows that she’s insane

Dave may be right, Sarah is crazy
But she just may be the lunatic you’re voting for
She’s not too bright, thinking is hazy
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right

Remember when Dave without fear
Called out the slutty clothes she wears
And then Todd, The First Dude went simply wild
He is such a macho man
No longer a Late Show fan
Since Dave Letterman called out his wife and child

Just think of all the jokes Dave will do
That make fun of Ms. Caribou
We will hear them every other day
They’ll be crazy but they’re true
Each time Sarah speaks anew
And we wouldn’t want it any other way

Dave may be right, Sarah is crazy
But she just may be the lunatic you’re voting for
She’s not too bright, thinking is hazy
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right

Dave may be right, Sarah is crazy
But she just may be the lunatic you’re voting for
She’s not too bright, thinking is hazy
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right

Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.

HERE’S TO YOU MR. LETTERMAN (PALIN)

Sarah Palin watches Late Nite With David LettermanSarah Palin enjoys Late Nite With David Letterman

We believe that the Sarah Palin/David Letterman feud still has a lot of legs. So here comes the newest song parody.

As always, please remember to click on the song link below because then it is a lot more fun to sing along.

Mrs. Robinson song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_jmDscGi7E

MR. LETTERMAN

(sung to the Simon and Garfunkel song “Mrs. Robinson”)

Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee

And here’s to you, Mr. Letterman
We all love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
And your Top Ten Mr. Letterman
When you blasted Palin last Monday
(Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

She is a little spoiled brat disguised behind her smiles
We’d like to help her learn to help herself
But she is just a lipsticked pig with winking blinking eyes
We pee’d our pants when she got punked on the phone

And here’s to you, Mr. Letterman
We all love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
And your Top Ten Mr. Letterman
When you blasted Palin last Monday
(Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

Sarah P’s too thin skinned to appear on late night shows
She and her whole family are just fruitcakes
Though we are all waiting for some news on her affair
Most of all, she’s got to hide it from her kids

Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mr. Letterman
We all love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
And your Top Ten Mr. Letterman
When you blasted Palin last Monday
(Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

Sitting on her snowmachine most every afternoon
Screwing up her candidates debate
Laugh about it, shout about it
And her foolish shoes
Ev’ry way we look at her, she’ll lose

Where have you gone, Joe The Plumber, oh
Sarah P. turns her blinking eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo)
What’s that you say, Mr. Letterman?
Plumber Joe is your target today
(Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

LETTERMAN/PALIN – THE APOLOGY

PalinLetterman3

In an attempt to end their feud, last night, David Letterman offered an on-air apology to Sarah Palin and family for the joke he made about her daughter (Bristol or Willow?) last Monday. The apology was direct and sincere. Of course, Sarah Palin accepted the apology graciously, released a statement saying so and that was the end of the battle.

Hold on just a second. Pardon me. What’s that, Palin did not graciously accept the apology and end the battle? She said what? Oh, this is what she said…

Of course it’s accepted on behalf of young women, like my daughters, who hope men who ‘joke’ about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve. Letterman certainly has the right to ‘joke’ about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction,” Palin said. “This is all thanks to our U.S. Military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America’s Right to Free Speech – in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect.

That didn’t sound gracious. By the way, isn’t Palin a christian fundamentalist? Is she allowed by church doctrine to say “evolve” inasmuch as she does not believe in evolution? I am also a little confused about evoking the military as the savior of free speech when it was Letterman’s free speech that she wanted to quelch in the first place. Oh well, let’s have a song…

Remember to click on the song link below because you will have more fun singing along.

Oh My My song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1C6rFWfYMg

OH MY MY

(sung to the Ringo Starr song “Oh My My”)

She called up John Ziegler to see what’s the matter
He said, “come on over”
“And wear your tin hat, dear”
Her knees started shakin’, her head started achin’
When John Ziegler said to she:

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked your eye
Oh my my, oh my my, We can fire him, if we lie
Oh my my, oh my my, it’s guaranteed to keep you alive

Let’s give Dave a screwin’, then we’ll get Jay Leno
Then let’s can O’Brien, if we are able
Then Sarah was squealin’ “you betta believe I’ll…”
“Stay away from Tina Fey”

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked my eye
Oh my my, oh my my, I can fire him, if I lie
Oh my my, if I try, it’s guaranteed to keep me alive

(musical interlude)

Now if Dave should back down and take back his joke now
Remember your daughter, make it even hotter
It’s you he was dissin’, so don’t even listen
Don’t accept his apology

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked your eye
Oh my my, oh my my, We can fire him, if we lie
Oh my my, oh my my, it’s guaranteed to keep you alive

(repeat to end)

Bad News Arising For Palin?

As Etta James once famously said, “At last”!

Some 24,000 emails from Sarah Palin’s tenure as Governor of Alaska will finally be released and made public tomorrow. After some 1,150 days of delay tactics by Palin, present Alaska Governor Sean Parnell and the Republican Party, the secret emails will finally be sanitized by the light of day. Despite her best efforts to conceal the emails, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has been compelled by the courts and Alaska’s Attorney General to produce the documents requested by multiple news agencies pursuant to the Freedom of Information Act. Palin even went so far as to claim that the news agencies would be required to pay $ 15 Million for copying charges when in fact the true cost is only $ 725.97.

Palin must have something to hide as she said last week, “A lot of those emails obviously weren’t meant for public consumption,” and people who read them will “never truly know what the context of each one of the emails was.” Oh Sarah, you really should have more faith in Americans and their ability to read. Granted, if her emails in any way resemble her manner of speech, a translator may be required.

It should be noted that there are more Palin emails that will not be released Friday. It is common knowledge that the deceptive Governor conducted some of her state business on a private Yahoo account. She has been accused of attempting to get around open records laws by using the private account and there is a court case pending which will decide whether those “private” account emails must also be released. In the meantime the court has ordered Palin to preserve those communications in case they too are deemed public.

Lynnrockets predicts some bad news arising.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
“Bad Moon Rising” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iktMZy0CG30

BAD NEWS ARISING

(sung to the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Bad Moon Rising”)

Palin sees bad news arising
She sees trouble on the way
She will stick to her lyin’
Emails are on the way

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise

Palin’s secrets will be showin’
We know her end is coming soon
Soon all of us will be knowin’
Palin is a disgrace and ruined

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise
Alright!

(email scrubbing break)

We will be thrilled to forget her
Palin will have tears in her eyes
Looks like she’s in for nasty weather
She’ll be exposed by all her lies

Well, Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife

Palin Is Once Again Being Crushed By The Weight Of The Polls!

Palin on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

The newest Washington Post/ABC News Poll brings more bad news for Sarah Palin. It would appear that the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska’s recent cross-country history-fabricating family vacation/campaign tour/publicity stunt has not helped to elevate her status amongst American voters.

The Washington Post reports that according to the poll, almost two-thirds of all Americans say they “definitely would not” vote for Palin for president. She is predictably unpopular with Democrats and most independents, but the new survey underscores the hurdles she would face if she became a candidate: 42 percent of Republicans say they’ve ruled out supporting her candidacy. More than six in 10 Americans say they do not consider Palin qualified to serve as president.

OK, you Rocketeers, you know what this means…

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Rawhide song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldkxqiosXYY

POLL-SLIDE

(sung to the TV theme of, “Rawhide”)

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Poll Slide

Keep movin’, movin’, movin’
People disapprovin’
Sarah’s not improvin’, Poll-Slide!
She cannot understand ‘em,
She hopes results are random,
Soon she’ll be in a double-wide.
There’s no way of definin’
Just why the polls declinin’, declinin’ like a massive
Landslide.

Headin’ down, movin’ fast,
Losin’ ground, ship her out,
Headin’ down, movin’ fast
Poll-Slide!
Kick her out,  shoot her down,
Send her home, push her out,
Kick her butt, fallin’ fast
Poll-Slide!

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Her eyeballs are ballin’
How come no-one’s callin’?
Poll-Slide!
It looks like stormy weather
And she’s light like a feather
She’ll be swept under by the tide.
She’ll be unemployed soon,
A wolf killin’ buffoon,
And all this resultin’ from her lies

Headin’ down, movin’ fast,
Losin’ ground, ship her out,
Headin’ down, movin’ fast
Poll-Slide!
Kick her out,  shoot her down,
Send her home, push her out,
Kick her butt, fallin’ fast
Poll-Slide!

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Poll Slide

Palin’s On The Road Again

Palin's final tour.

Is the Granny Grifter off and running? Could be. On Tuesday we learned of her feature-length propaganda film. Now, just yesterday we learned of her nationwide tour, beginning this weekend in the nation’s capital and taking her to a series of cities along the East Coast and ending in the first primary state, New Hampshire.

Sarah Palin said, “As we look to the future, we are propelled by America’s past. It’s imperative that we connect with our founders, our patriots, our challenges and victories to clearly see our way forward. A good way to do this is to appreciate the significance of our nation’s historic sites, patriotic events and diverse cultures, which we’ll do in the coming weeks on our ‘One Nation’ tour. ” As usual however, the former ex-quitting half-term governor’s statement provided nothing in the realm of actual policy positions or plans.

It is this scribe’s opinion that Palin will not actually run for the Presidency. Her tabloid lifestyle, abrasive personality, safety school education, inability to coherently articulate her policy positions and outright lying make her an undesirable candidate. Adding all of that to the fact that she is persona non grata within the Republican Party and would be a laughing-stock at GOP primary debates, means that Sarah Palin is simply unelectable.

This nationwide tour may simply prove to be Palin’s “last hurrah”. Time is running out on her stalling to make a definitive decision about launching an election campaign and she knows it. The drop-dead time by which a candidate can commence a viable campaign is June or July of this year and Palin is using this charade of a publicity stunt in an attempt to stay relevant and marketable until her inevitable decision to fold. Her 15 minutes are nearly over.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

On The Road Again song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TD_pSeNelU

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

(sung to the Willie Nelson song “On The Road Again”)

On the road again –
Sarah can’t wait to get on the road again
The life she loves is taking money from her friends
Palin can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again –
Goin’ places that she’s never been
Palin thinks that she’s campaigning once again
So she’s stealing dough from all her brain-dead friends

On the road again –
Like a band of gypsies, Palins ride the highways
Grifting never ends
Persisting like a plague that’s coming our way, yes our way

On the road again –
She says its great to just “reload” again
Good Lord above will Palin’s grifting never end?
Sarah can’t wait to get on the road again

(Fox News love-in break)

On the road again –
Just those Palin pip-squeaks always talking sideways
Every word offends
Insisting that the world keep turning their way, yes their way

She’s on the road again –
Palin can’t wait to get on the road again
The life she loves is taking money from her friends
And she can’t wait to get on the road again
And she can’t wait to get on the road again

Scott Brown Beats Elders Down!

The emperor wears no clothes!

Senator Scott Brown (R-MA) may have just alienated a large segment of his support base. Last Friday the clothing-challenged Republican announced that he would vote in favor of Teapublican Paul Ryan’s (R-WI) House-passed budget plan which calls for the dissolution of Medicare and replacement with a voucher system. “The leaders will bring forward (Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan’s) budget, and I will vote for it, and it will fail,” he said. The consensus opinion of most analysts is that such a change would hurt the elderly in at least two ways. It would not only force elders to make difficult decisions about choosing from a multitude of confusing private health insurance policies at a time in their lives when (as the result of advancing age) they are less capable of making such decisions, but it would also subject them to being personally responsible for increasing premium and medical costs.

The Boston Globe reports that after “the House passed the budget, Senate majority leader Harry Reid, Democrat of Nevada, vowed that his chamber will hold a vote on it, forcing Brown and other potentially vulnerable Republicans in the 2012 elections to take a stance on the cuts. A vote is expected before Memorial Day.” It is the Democrats’ intent to force GOP Senators to either vote in favor of curtailing benefits to senior citizens (which may cause a voter backlash from this ever-growing voting bloc) or to vote against the Ryan plan as passed in the House (which will highlight a fracturing of Republican unity on the issue). It is a win/win situation for the Party of Roosevelt.

Of course Massachusetts Democrats are also determined to win back Edward M. Kennedy’s senate seat and Brown’s rejection of senior citizens may be the spark they need to accomplish that goal. Democrats were complacent in the special election of January 2010 and consequently, Scott Brown surprisingly won with the assistance of out of state Tea Party support and money. But a re-dedicated Democratic voting base re-emerged in the November mid-term elections and Democrats were victorious in every state-wide election. Furthermore, inasmuch as Brown has voted against the Tea Party on such issues as the financial regulatory overhaul and the repeal of the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, his support from the group is in question.

Christen Varley, president of the Greater Boston Tea Party, told the Boston Herald that Brown may not be able to count on the Tea Party support in 2012. “I’m looking at the ‘Scott Brown’ bumper sticker on the back of my car and having serious doubts (about him),” Varley said. “We’ll all have to independently make a decision in 2012 about whether we’ll support him again.”

Scott Brown is now vulnerable to defeat in 2012. His decision not to assist law enforcement by means of identifying his alleged sexual molester and thereby potentially allowing a child molester to remain at large does not sit well with Massachusetts residents regardless of party affiliation. Now his lack of support for senior citizens gives potential Democratic opponents another point of attack. One confirmed challenger, Newton mayor Setti Warren said,

“If he indeed does plan to vote for the Ryan budget, that is an affront to workers, families, and seniors across Massachusetts. There are approximately 1 million Medicare beneficiaries in our state, yet the Ryan budget would gut and privatize that program.’’

The Boston Globe also reports that David Certner, legislative policy director of the AARP, the nation’s largest group representing retired Americans, said that the elderly are protective of Medicare because it plays such a huge role in their lives and well-being.

“They certainly perceive attacks on the program as something that is very much something they’re not interested in,’’ he said.

This Medicare vote could spell the end for Scott Brown’s US Senate tenure. Let’s hope so.

UPDATE

This just in!!! Scott Brown has suddenly pulled a Mitt Romney-sized flip-flop regarding his support for the Republicans’ Medicare Destruction Act. He appeared on a local Boston talk radio program yesterday and here is what transpired:

Radio Host: This specific proposal, the Ryan proposal to privatize Medicare, if it came up, does it have your support or it doesn’t?

Brown: First of all, it’s very difficult to get into hypotheticals because it’s not coming up, but the way that the Medicare and Medicaid proposals and a lot of other proposals in that bill are right now, no, I can’t support it, and I’ve made that very clear.

Wow, talk about reversing yourself. Does Scott brown have any firmly held convictions or beliefs?

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Downtown song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sku-1hqA5xw

SCOTT BROWN

(sung to the Petula Clark song “Downtown”)

If Mass. is your home
And you are full of baloney,
You must surely be – Scott Brown
You have your worries,
With no clothes in snow flurries
You’re a nudist boy – Scott Brown

You’re popular in the woods but were voteless in the city
Your term is only two years Scott, and isn’t that a pity?
You’re sure to lose

You’ve got some Mitt Romney hair
But it grows down on your buttocks, we’ve seen when you’re bare, and so
Scott Brown – politics of hate when you’re
Scott Brown – voted right out the door
Scott Brown – private life’s waiting for you
(Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

Don’t wear a frown
As the Tea-Baggers surround you
They are friends not foes – Scott Brown
The “Party of No”
Is just the place that they go to
Where their hatred grows – Scott Brown

Just charm them with the rhythm of your naked bossanova
They’ll be bare-assed with you too before the night is over
Happy again

They’ll take off their underwear
Then they’ll forget all their troubles, forget all their cares like you,
Scott Brown – not erudite or bright
Scott Brown – every nudist’s delight
Scott Brown – you’re gonna be alright now
(Scott Brown, Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

(Scott Brown, Scott Brown)

And you might find that your behind will help ingratiate you
With Larry Craig who loves the view and has a gentle hand to
Guide you along

You two would make quite a pair
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares dear bro
Scott Brown – you’ll get kicked out the door
Scott Brown – Won’t take a minute more
Scott Brown – Private life’s waiting for you

Scott Brown (Scott Brown) Scott Brown (Scott Brown)
Scott Brown (Scott Brown) Scott Brown (Scott Brown)
(repeat and fade out)