Monthly Archives: December 2011

Crazy Palin Advises GOP Candidates On New Year’s Eve

Sarah Palin celebrates New Year's Eve in Wasilla, Alaska.

The publicity hound known as Sarah Palin has emerged yet again on this, the last day of 2011. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has published a column in the Washington Post in which she gives advice to the insane clown posse of candidates for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

Think about that for a moment. As if the wacky and unqualified GOP field of candidates have not already embarrassed themselves enough already, they should now take advise from the wacky and unqualified Alaskan who proved to be the downfall of John McCain’s Presidential campaign in 2008? If such is the case, then it is evident that today’s Republican Party exists in some sort of alternative universe wherein up is down and good is bad and day is night.

What is worse however, is Palin’s actual advice. In a year-end effort to rake-in a little extra cash, she instructs the GOP candidates to buy her book. She says,

“Given the concerns I have for some of the Republican field’s focus thus far, I must implore the candidates to do something that sounds self-promoting, but whatever. Candidates, please turn to Chapter Three of “Going Rogue” and read what it takes for our country to step toward energy independence. Note the lesson I share in the same chapter about taking on the “elite,” the crony capitalists and the permanent political establishment to get a job done”

She then follows up by immediately contradicting herself. In her next paragraph she writes,

“Understand how the left’s terrifyingly naive assault on American industry exposes us to the mercy of foreign regimes whose prime objective is, at worst, our permanent demise and, at best, is stripping away our freedom.”

Didn’t Palin first say that the “crony capitalists” were the problem? Aren’t the crony capitalists those same American industries that exert unlimited influence on Congress through their highly compensated K Street lobbyists? As a result of that influence, don’t the corporate capitalist cronies gain political influence over our economy which is denied to the people? What is Palin’s point?

Her advice gets even more superficial and absurd when she says that the “prime objective” of “foreign regimes” is, at best, “stripping away our freedom”. How are foreign regimes stripping away our freedom? Of course Palin fails to provide any substantiation whatsoever for that crazy allegation.

Here’s hoping the flip-flopping duo of Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich, and the moonbat-crazy trio of  Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul heed Palin’s advise and thereby hasten their self-imposed political implosions. That would leave the only somewhat sane and adult GOP candidate in the room to move forward. Jon Huntsman would at least be a credible candidate and the general election campaign could then focus on the important issues and not simple broad talking points about “love of country” and “compassionate conservatism” and “mavericky mayhem”.

Please enjoy this New Year’s related song parody until we see you again next year. Here’s wishing a happy and healthy 2012 to all of you!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s New Year’s Eve inspired song parody.

Same Auld Lang Syne song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmdFgFyhnk

SAME OLD LAME WHINE

(sung to the Dan Fogelberg song “Same Auld Lang Syne”)

Met Sarah Palin at a Walmart store
She was shoplifting like a thief
There was no sign of kids or the “First Dude”
‘Cuz Sarah brings home the beef

I recoiled from her aging face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She knew I saw the moose meat in her purse
And then she just fibbed and lied

I said I was not a security man
And then Sarah Palin was glad
She lacked any sense of embarrassment
At the thought that she was bagged

I asked if we could have a drink or two
Cuz she was such a rising star
We met “Joe Sixpack” at the liquor store
And we three went to a bar

We drank a toast to ignorance
She was a toasted cow
She tried to explain her head’s emptiness
But she did not know how

She said she’s married to a derelict
Who can’t keep a job if he tried
She would have like to say she loved the man
But she couldn’t stand the guy

I said “death panels” were the end for her
That she could turn a Red-State Blue
And did she fear her would-be son-in-law?
She just said, “Lynn, F_ _ _  you”

She said she hated all the pro-choice whores
And that she hoped they’d go to Hell
I asked if Coulter was a “he” or “she”?
Palin said she could not tell

She toasted her omnipotence
And asked us all to bow
I said, “so long and good riddance,
I must be leaving now”

Then one last toast to ignorance
Cuz it was closing time
She lacks a sense of eloquence
But has that old lame whine

The beers were empty and our tongues were tired
Another book signing today
She put her hat on and hopped on her broom
And I watched her fly away

She graduated from a “safety school”
So she has no-one else to blame
There’s no intelligence inside her dome
That’s why she is so lame.

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Happy Holidays To The Rocketeers !!!

Christmas in Boston

We Irish are fond of enjoying a drink or two. We also tend to be quite verbose and jocular. The obvious combination of these two traits is the wonderful ability to toast our family and friends. To that end, Lynnrockets would like to propose an Irish Christmas toast to all you fellow Rocketeers (now would be a great time to raise your glass of spirit):

“The light of the Christmas star to you, The warmth of home and hearth to you, The cheer and good will of friends to you, The hope of a childlike heart to you, The joy of a thousand angels to you, The love of the Son and God’s peace to you.”

Did you know that “Holly and Holly Wreaths” were Irish traditions?  No Irish home would be complete without the holly. Holly grows wild in Ireland and is used to decorate the entire house. The Celtics (the early Irish settlers and not the basketball team) believed holly represented life and rebirth. The evergreen leaves symbolized life during a time when all else was bare and the red berries represented the coming of Spring. With the coming of Christianity to Ireland the berries took on a new meaning, new life in Christ. One charming folklore says holly is put out as a kind gesture to tiny fairies who might use it as a hiding place to come in out of the cold. Holly wreaths as a door decoration can be traced to North American Irish immigrating to the US during the Great Potato Famine.

The ancient Celts believed that mistletoe had healing powers. Its powers were so great that its presence encourage a brief truce among enemies. Hence the Victorian era custom of kissing under the mistletoe.

Window candles as part of Christmas decoration are Irish too! Candles in the window date back to ancient time’s laws of hospitality towards strangers. To have a light in your window on Christmas Eve to welcome the stranger meant that you were welcoming the Holy Family too. To have no light meant that you shared the guilt of the Innkeeper at Bethlehem who said, “No Room”!

If you are up to the challenge, you might try this Christmas toast in native Irish:

“Nollaig faoi shéan is faoi shonas duit.”

It means “A prosperous and happy Christmas to you.”

So there you have it. A little Irish Christmas history.

Please enjoy the following four Holiday songs. The first is a traditional Irish Christmas song. The second is a more irreverent Irish Christmas song The third is my favorite rendition of my favorite Holiday song, and the fourth is just a Christmas song that has grown on me (as some of you know).

More Palin Wailin’ and Complainin’

Sarah Palin has recently re-emerged in the public eye by means of announcing another season of her reality television show and by implying that she might yet enter the GOP Presidential race. Of course, when Mama Bear emerges from hibernation, the stupid is sure to follow. Lo and behold, it came today.

Palin appeared on Fox News (where else?) and criticized President Obama’s official White House holiday greeting card. In a nod to Fox News’ fictitious “War on Christmas”, she targeted the card for not emphasizing Christmas.

The card features an image of Bo, the Obama family dog, in front of a fireplace in the White House library with a poinsettia and other decorations. The text reads, “From our family to yours, may your holidays shine with the light of the season.”

Palin, who criticizes every single thing the President does, told Fox News that she found it “odd” that the card emphasizes the dog instead of traditions like “family, faith and freedom.” She also said that Americans are able to appreciate “American foundational values illustrated and displayed on Christmas cards and on a Christmas tree.”

Palin however, must be unaware of the official Holiday/Christmas cards issued by such past Presidents as Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan. How else could she explain her lack of criticism at those Republican Presidents who also chose to mail cards which lacked depictions of families and Christmas trees? Nixon’s card showed George Washington overseeing the construction of the White House without depicting one single image of Christmas. Ford’s card showed a wintery snow-covered exterior scene of an old farm house and livestock. Reagan’s card was very similar to Obama’s. It too featured an image of a White House fireplace with some holiday wreaths and floral decoration, but with no Christmas tree or emphasis of family. Indeed, the Reagan card did not even feature the American icon known as “the family dog”. Where was the conservative right-wing outrage at those Presidents? Hmmm…

Nixon Holiday Card 1971

Ford Holiday Card 1975

Reagan Holiday Card 1985

Sarah Palin has proven once again that she is a shallow, uneducated and petty person who has no sense of history. Is it really any wonder that she was so confused as to believe that Paul Revere was ringing bells and warning the British of the American colonists’ stock of firearms during his famous “Midnight Ride”?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to today’s Holiday Season inspired song parody.

The Twelve Days Of Christmas song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpinzLXXp14

THE TWELVE DAYS OF PALIN CHRISTMAS

(sung to the Christmas carol “The Twelve Days Of Christmas”)

On the first day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Some hate from the Tea Party.

On the second day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the third day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the fourth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the fifth day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the sixth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the seventh day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the eighth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the ninth day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the tenth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Willow and Piper griping
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
“Joe the Plumber” plumbing
Willow and Piper griping
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

Limbaugh’s Lies Exposed By Ed Schultz

Another bevy of Rush Limbaugh lies was exposed yesterday. MSNBC host Ed Schultz played a portion of Limbaugh’s radio show during which the drug-addled racist alleged that “ignorant and uninformed voters” elected President Obama. Limbaugh went on to say that Democrats were trying to dumb-down students in school to brainwash them. He continued by saying “anyone who cares about the country and is informed would not vote for Obama” and “the uninformed voter is a target Democrat Party audience.”

Ed Schultz however, would have none of it. On the segment of his nightly television program titled “Psychotalk”, Schultz exposed Limbaugh’s lies. He started by showing that it is the Republicans who actually attempt to dumb-down students. He provided the example of Texas Republicans who fought to change social studies text books to be more conservative and to omit certain progressive policies and ideals of Thomas Jefferson and other important figures.

Schultz also showed that misinformation is “actually the cornerstone of Republican election strategy.” As an example, he cited the recent Fairleigh Dickinson University study which stated, “Some [media] outlets, especially Fox News, lead people to be even less informed than those who say they don’t watch any news at all.” he then played video clips of Fox News’ Megyn Kelly saying that pepper spray “is a food product” and Sean Hannity claiming that the new health care law contains “death panels.” Most enlightening of all however, was a clip of Fox News’ Gretchen Carlson discussing a theory that “aliens could kill us” if earth does not stop global warming!

Schultz concluded by saying that Fox News viewers are the most uninformed and studies have revealed that 78% of those viewers are Republicans. Consequently, he showed that it is, in fact, the Republican voters who are uninformed.

This should not be news to any of us. Just last week we posted this Fox News chart which suggests that November 2011’s 8.6% unemployment rate is actually higher than the February 2011 8.9% rate and the March 2011 8.8% rate.

It is also informative to note that the non-partisan fact-checking organization known as PolitiFact.com provided this partial list of Fox News misinformation:

  1. Fox said less than 10% of Obama’s Cabinet appointees have worked in the private sector. – False
  2. Fox said, White House Political Director served as right-hand man to the ACORN chief – False
  3. Fox said Texas Board of Education may eliminate  references to Christmas and the Constitution from textbooks – False
  4. Fox said Health Care Reform is a govt. takeover of health care – False and the PolitiFact 2010 “Lie of the Year”
  5. Fox said the Muslim Brotherhood has openly stated that they want to  declare  war on Israel – False
  6. Fox said American troops have never been under the formal control of another nation – False
  7. Fox said Gov. Rick Scott’s approval ratings have climbed since election – False
  8. Fox said Massachusetts’ health care plan is wildly unpopular among state residents – False
  9. Fox said there’s been more debt under Obama than all other presidents combined – False
  10. Fox said Health care bill includes death panels – False and the PolitiFact  2009 “Lie of the Year”
  11. Fox said  “Cash For Clunkers” will give govt. complete access to your home computer – False
  12. Fox said halting Gulf drilling costs $8 Billion a day in imports – False
  13. Fox said Democrats plan largest tax increase in history – False
  14. Fox said Eric holder was involved in the dismissal of criminal charges against New Black panthers – False
  15. Fox said Obama voted “present” in the U.S. Senate quite often – False
  16. Fox said John Holdren proposed forced abortions and putting sterilants in drinking water – False
  17. Fox said labor union president Andy Stern is most frequent visitor at white house – False
  18. Fox said America is the only country with automatic citizenship upon birth – False
  19. Fox said O’Reilly never called George tiller a baby killer only reporting what others called him – False
  20. Fox said only fox news picked up that Anita Dunn said mao was one of her favorite philosophers – False and
  21. Fox said nobody at Fox news ever said you’re going to jail if you don’t buy health insurance – False

Limbaugh the Liar has been exposed yet again!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Hark The Herald Angels Sing song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbdvo019mgM

HARK, THE DITTOHEADS DO SING

(sung to the Amy Grant version of “Hark The Herald Angels Sing”)

Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”
On the left he is reviled
Cuz he behaves like a child
On those islands where he flies
With Viagra he does rise
His tired old act is just a game
Intended to bring him fame
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

When Rush speaks he only lies
Unlike Beck he does not cry
Rush has an expansive girth
He is shaped like planet earth
Former wives have numbered three
He prefers his Oxy-C
Right-wing drivel he does sell
From his brainless empty shell
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

(Viagra-chomping break)

He calls his show the E.I.B.
It’s all about me, me, me
Of his fame, he often sings
While taking credit for all things
Yet, by most he is ignored
Like a little mouse that roared
With nothing beneath his dome
He emits a rabid foam
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

Hooray!!! The Sarah Palin Comedy Show Redux !!!

Hold on to your seats folks. The fun may be set to begin again. Just when you thought you had laughed at every clown in the Koch Bros. and Tea Party Flying Circus, we may have a new entertainer re-emerging. No, not Herman Cain. Nope, not Chris Christie. We are not even speaking of The Donald. We may have ourselves a genuine mental case resurfacing in the field of Republican Presidential candidates. Ladies and gentlemen please rise and put your hands together for none other than “The Alaska Disaster”, “The Queen of Quit”, Sarah Palin!

Seriously. This is not a joke. While appearing on Fox News (where else?) last night, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska said that she may enter the race despite her firm pronouncement to the contrary on October 5th. When asked by the host whether anybody else might still get involved in the presidential race, Palin said “It’s not too late for folks to jump in. Who knows what will happen in the future.”

Bloggers everywhere are now salivating. There is nothing more entertaining than watching Sarah Palin make a public fool of herself as she tries to make a point. Remember the time when she was speaking at that farm while a poor turkey was having his head chopped off right behind her? How about the time she was caught with crib-notes  written on her hand during a televised interview? Who will ever forget the time that she completely botched the purpose and method of Paul Revere’s famous Midnight Ride just after she visited the Old North church in Boston? Then there was the time when she could not tell a 5th grader what the Vice president does. Most entertaining of all, of course, were her hilarious televised interviews with Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. Ahhh, those halcyon days of Palin!

This may be the best Christmas present many of us could possibly hope for.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday season inspired song parody.

Winter Wonderland song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcAuqshkqE

PALIN BLUNDERLAND (Part 2)

(sung to the Ray Conniff Singers version of “Winter Wonderland”)

Sarah P., are you listening?
Intellect, you are missing
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

Quit your job on July third
You belong where you’re not heard
Go back to Hong Kong
Please take Todd along
Living in a Palin blunderland

You can even bring that “Plumber Joe”, man
He can fly the jet as you leave town

He’ll say, “You still married?”
You’ll say, “No, man!”
But you can have the job
When we touch ground

Later on, you’ll conspire,
To get Tina Fey fired
The price that you paid
To be renegade
Living in a Palin blunderland

Sarah P., are you listening?
What’s that sound that you’re hissing?
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

You have all the warmth of a fresh snowman
And all the smarts of a circus clown
You sold some books and made a lot of dough, man
They had no verbs but had a lot of nouns

You just love oil well drilling
And your polar bear killing
You frolic and play, the G.O.P. way
Living in a Palin blunderland

Palin Is Failin’

Think about this for a moment. When is the last time you heard any mention of Sarah Palin since she announced that would not seek the Republican Party nomination for President? It has been a long time hasn’t it? Most of you have probably not heard mention of her since that very day of October 5, 2011.

During a radio interview that day, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska told a conservative host that she could actually be more influential and powerful if she was not in fact, elected to the most influential and powerful office in the world. She said, “Not being a candidate, really you are unshackled and you’re able to be even more active. I need to be able to say what I want to say.” This type of confusing double-speak of course, was a Palin trademark since that unfortunate day in 2008 when John McCain unleashed the “Disaster from Alaska” on the Lower 48.

Unfortunately for Sarah Palin, her new-found “unshackled” status with its freedom to be “more active” and “to say what I want to say” has been a one-way street. You see, the American people no longer care what Sarah Palin has to say and they are not interested in what she does. Additionally, Palin has certainly not been “more active” than she was during the days of her book tours and PAC-sponsored family-vacations. Indeed, her prediction of enhanced influence in the political realm seems to have been “unshackled” from reality.

Palin is aware of her diminishing star power however, and she is determined to place herself back in the spotlight. Much like her intentionally long-delayed presidential announcement was designed to maintain her relevance for as long as possible, her present reluctance to endorse a presidential candidate serves the same purpose. By teasing her Tea Party sycophants who tend to obey her every command, Palin has maintained some relevance within that small but diminishing faction of society.

But Sarah Palin craves more than that. Tea Party relevance does not necessarily translate into money and stardom. Palin cannot simply release another ghost-written book either because most Americans no longer seem to care what she has to say. Consequently, Palin realizes that the only avenue remaining is a return to low-brow reality television like so many other washed-up celebrities. The fact that she and her family fit the mold of dysfunctional sit-com soap-opera characters only adds to the allure of the boob tube.

Consequently, we learned this weekend that her former reality show, Sarah Palin’s Alaska” may return for a second season following its hiatus during the Queen of Quit’s flirtation with a presidential run last season. This second season would presumably feature more staged vignettes of Sarah and family fishing, hunting, bickering and drilling for oil. It has been rumored that the re-emergence of this particular show followed Palin’s failed attempt to create a spin-off series featuring husband Todd the “First Dude” on the professional snow-machine circuit. Apparently TLC could not be convinced that snowmobile racing is the next NASCAR. Of the renewed series however, a network source told the Hollywood Reporter, “I think it is safe to say her time has passed.”

Ahh Sarah Palin, we hardly knew ye!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky4wu58XTr4

SARAH PALIN’S COMING TO TOWN

(sung to the Patti Page version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

Get your wallet out
Wink and blink your eyes
Holler and shout
At protesting guys
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

She’ll fleece you while your sleeping
Your money she will take
She’ll force you to purchase her book
Although the story’s fake

Oh, get your money out
So that you can buy
Can’t be without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

GOP Candidates Lie During Debate

When will the clowns seeking the Republican presidential nomination ever realize that their lies will be exposed? In this day of the internet and audio and video tape, a person’s veracity can be ascertained almost immediately. Why is it then, that the GOP candidates continue to make blatantly false statements?

The answer is simple. They know that their audience of Fox News addicts will never be correctly informed about their lies. Fox News is simply the propaganda arm of the Republican Party and consequently that station not only enables, but joins in on the spreading of GOP talking-point misinformation. Case in point is this wonderful Fox News graph regarding the unemployment rate since President Obama has been elected. Notice how the November 2011 rate of 8.6% is shown graphically as being higher than the February 2011 rate of 8.9% and the March 2011 rate of 8.8%. Indeed, the Fox News graph shows Novembers 8.6% rate as being even with October’s 9.0% rate. Quite deceiving, yet it furthers the Fox News goal of making Obama look bad despite facts to the contrary.

Last night’s Republican primary debate was broadcasted and moderated by Fox News. Therefore, please do not expect any fact checking by Fox News in the next few days. Not to worry however, CNN has done the fact checking for us. That media outlet is actually unbiased, so it exposed the lies of both Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann.

First, Newt Gingrich said, “I balanced the budget for four straight years, paid off $405 billion in debt, pretty conservative.” He was lying of course. CNN revealed that According to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office, the nation ran a deficit in 1995 (-$164 billion), 1996 (-$107.4 billion) and 1997 (-$21.9 billion). It ran a surplus in 1998 ($69.3 billion) and 1999 ($125.6 billion) all while Gingrich served as Speaker of the House. To make matters even worse, the national debt on the day Gingrich was sworn in as speaker was $4.8 trillion. Four years later, it was $5.6 trillion, an increased debt of $800 billion, according to the U.S. Treasury website. So, “No Newt, you did not balance the budget for four straight years or come close to paying off $405 billion in debt.”

Michele Bachmann did not fare much better. She said “We have an IAEA report that just recently came out that said, literally, Iran is within just months of being able to obtain that (nuclear) weapon.” Ron Paul responded immediately that her assertion was false, but she stuck with it. The fact is that the IAEA report does not say that Iran is within months of being able to obtain a nuclear weapon. Bachmann too is spreading false information.

There is not much to say about the performance of the other candidates in terms of “truthiness”. Romney was civil. Huntsman and Santorum were as invisible as ever. Ron Paul was noticeable only because he demonstratively opposed the mainstream Republican desire for more wars. Rick Perry however, provided some levity to the event when he described himself as the “Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.” Perry of course was comparing his ineptitude in debates to Tebow’s perceived poor mechanics as a football quarterback who manages to win games despite his style. Unfortunately for Perry, his failings are irreparable.

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpPdl0StUVs

HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY PERRY WISHLIST

 (sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Have Yourself A Very Merry Christmas”)

Have yourself a merry Perry wish-list
Rick loves the far right
He loves you, if you are Christian, rich and white

Have yourself a merry Perry wish-list (merry Perry wish-list)
That’s if you’re not gay (that’s if you’re not gay)
If you are, then simply pray that gay away

Rick Perry loves those olden days
Church-beholden days of yore
All those blacks that were near to us
In the rear of bus for sure

Tea-Baggers will vote for Rick together
Jews are not allowed
Muslims too are barred and for that Rick is proud
So have yourself a merry Perry wish-list now

(Rick Perry loves those olden days
Church-beholden days of yore
All those blacks that were near to us
In the rear of bus for sure)

Souvenirs of us and Rick together
He’s our sacred cow
Rick is our God on earth in the here and now
So have yourself a merry Perry wish-list now

Perry wish-list
Perry wish-list

Republicans Question Gingrich’s Qualification To Be President

All in all, Republican presidential candidate Newt “Philanderer” Gingrich did not have a very good day. The most recent GOP frontrunner and flavor of the week, resembled a punching-bag yesterday as just about everybody took a well-deserved jab at him.

First, his chief rival Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney gave Newt a body blow. This was probably in response to Gingrich’s Iowa political director’s contention that Romney’s religion (Mormon) is a “cult”. That was sort of a strange comment coming from a person who supports a candidate who has belonged to at least three different religious affiliations. In any event, Romney, during an interview with the New York Times, in reference to Gingrich, said, “Zany is not what we need in a president. It may work on talk radio… But in terms of a president, we need a leader.” A Romney political action committee then delivered a crushing uppercut by releasing a campaign ad that portrays a Gingrich candidacy as a dream-come-true for Democrats. It states, “Barack Obama’s plan is working. Destroy Mitt Romney. Run against Newt Gingrich.” Adding to the onslaught, the Romney campaign then released a new web ad that features Gingrich and House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi in their now infamous plea to combat man-made climate change.

Mitt(wit) Romney was not the only person to attack Newt Gingrich however. The Occupy Wall Street movement delivered a few blows of its own at during a speech Gingrich was delivering at the University of Iowa. The speech was interrupted when Occupy Iowa City protesters started shouting. The heckling halted Gingrich’s speech for several minutes. Then during the answer and question portion at the end of the speech, one protester  went after Gingrich by saying, “Seems like you have a Ph.D. in cheating on your wife.”, in reference of course, to Gingrich’s history of extra-marital affairs.

The tag-team of Gingrich assailants then reverted back to members of his own Republican Party. First, while speaking at a Washington forum, Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) said, “I’m not sure he’s as conservative as some people think he is.” Boehner then ducked answering a question about whether Gingrich would make a good president.

Boehner’s non-vote of confidence followed upon former Republican Senator Alan Simpson’s statement to Bloomberg News that Gingrich “is for himself before he is for anybody.” Simpson recounted how Gingrich, then House minority whip, broke ranks at the last minute with his party’s leadership to oppose the 1990 budget agreement between Republican President George H.W. Bush and a Democratic-controlled Congress. “It was the most hurtful and duplicitous thing I have ever seen,” Simpson said.

Even the moonbat-crazy wing of the Republican Party is now backing away from Newt Gingrich. During a televised interview with CNN’s “American Morning”, former witchcraft dabbler, serial non-masturbator and election losing Christine O’Donnell crawled out of the shadows and zinged him. She said, “People are trying to paint Newt Gingrich as the anti-establishment candidate, which I think is funny. So many tea partiers are flocking behind Newt Gingrich, I decided to come out and say…the tea party I don’t think should be behind Newt at all.” Not for nothing, but any day that Newt Gingrich has his name mentioned in the same sentence as Christine O’Donnell, is not a good day for Newt Gingrich.

To make matters even worse, the conservative magazine The National Review printed an editorial which was a punch in the nose to Gingrich. The editors warned against nominating Gingrich by saying, “The White House seems winnable next year, and with it a majority in both houses of Congress. We fear that to nominate former Speaker Newt Gingrich, the front-runner in the polls, would be to blow this opportunity.” Ouch! That is going to leave a quite visible mark!

Gingrich is taking a serious verbal beating from his own party members and the blows are beginning to take their toll. The most recent NBC/Wall Street Journal national poll illustrates this. The poll reveals that half of all Republican voters surveyed said they won’t vote for Gingrich in the general election, and he trailed President Barack Obama by 11 points in a hypothetical contest.

Perhaps retiring U.S Rep. Barney Frank of Massachusetts sized-up Gingrich best and delivered the knock-out blow. First he said that Gingrich winning the GOP nomination “would be the best thing to happen to the Democrats since Barry Goldwater.” Frank then appeared on ABC’s “This Week” and compared Gingrich to the Wizard of Oz. He said,

“Obviously Mitt Romney is the tin woodsman, without a heart. And Rick Perry is clearly the scarecrow… Newt is the Wizard of Oz. Newt is the one who… I just think there’s nothing there, he’s ginned up this whole big thing, but when people focus on him as opposed to him being the Not Romney, this is a man who served as Speaker, twice reprimanded by the House… I just think he is an obvious weak candidate.”

And so it goes. The Republicans have once again hoisted an unqualified candidate for president to the top of their ranks only to suffer from immediate buyers’ remorse resulting in the search for the next “One”. Sarah Palin – Gone. Donald Trump – Gone. Chris Christie – Gone. Rick Perry – Gone. Herman Cain – Gone, and now Newt Gingrich – Gone. When will the Grand Old Party finally realize that they are fated to nominate their poor red-headed step-child…Mitt(wit) Romney?

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HASBEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Santorum Hopes For A Gift From Santa Palin!

Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has a couple of wishes this Christmas Season. Santorum of course, is presently just an “also ran” in the clown-car full of GOP nominee hopefuls. In fact, that cab of crazies may not even have enough room for Santorum what with the likes of Michele “HPV = Mental Retardation” Bachmann, Ron “Fort Knox is Empty” Paul, Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney, Rick “3 Agencies” Perry, Newt “Freddie Mac” Gingrich and Jon “Who?” Huntsman. Then again, Santorum may be able to squeeze himself into the rumble seat once occupied by Herman “Player” Cain. Nonetheless, Rick Santorum is hopeful and seeking a few blessings this month.

It is a desperate sense of hope however, because the things that Santorum is hoping for are the sort of things only a frantic person would desire. Wish number 1? Rick Santorum is hoping that Sarah Palin will throw him a bone. Remember Sarah Palin? She was the self-promoting, book-selling, bus-touring, tea-partying, reality television-starring Fox News contributor. She was also the failed Republican Vice Presidential nominee and former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. Well, Santorum sees her as “Santa Palin” and he is hoping she will drop down his chimney with a coveted present in the next week or so bearing a gift.

Is Santorum so bold as to expect a full fledged endorsement from Santa Palin? Not so much. While appearing on Fox News (where else?) last Sunday, Santorum said he would gladly take “any help” at all from Palin. He cited the fact that the “Queen of Quit” has often commended his “ideological consistency”. Palin has been correct in doing so because Santorum has never once wavered from his contention that gay marriage leads to sex with dogs. Of Palin, Santorum said,

“I reached out to her just to thank her for her kind comments and said I appreciate any help that she could give us. She was very kind in responding and she’s gonna make her decision as to when she’s gonna endorse or if she’s going to endorse, but I did not reach out to her before she made the kind comments about me.”

But why would Santorum want an endorsement or “any help” from Sarah Palin? She is after all,  yesterday’s news and today’s laughing-stock. Indeed while appearing on Fox News (where else) just last week Palin said, “I think my personal endorsement probably doesn’t amount to a hill of beans today, at this point in the race.” For once Sarah Palin has spoken the truth.

Oh yes, what was Rick Santorum’s 2nd Holiday wish? He hopes that nobody Googles his last name. Hint, hint.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune (if you are from Mars) and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday Season inspired song parody.

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvD9TkNlk_I

SARAH THE RED STATE BIMBO

(sung to the theme of “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer”)

You know Paris and Lindsay and Charo and Britney
Nicole, Ivana and Jessica Simpson
But do you recall the most famous bimbo of all?

Sarah the Red State bimbo
Had a very strange hairstyle
And she had a way of speaking
That reminded one of Gomer Pyle

All of the other guv’nors
Used to laugh and call her names
Because her stupid glasses
Were all lens but had no frames

Then one balmy summer day
John McCain enquired
Sarah, you’re so “mavericky”
Won’t you please be my V.P.?

Then all the dumb red staters
Wondered who the hell was she
They never heard of Palin
The Alaskan hillbilly

(Hilarious bumbling televised interview break)

Sarah the red state bimbo
Dressed like a flight attendant ‘ho
And she told lies so often
We could all watch her nose grow

All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names
They all knew Sarah Palin
Was a gal that had no brains

Then one balmy July day
They heard Sarah say,
“I won’t give up without a fight”,
“Unless I quit my job tonight”

Then how right-wingers loved her
As they shouted out with glee
“Sarah, the red state bimbo”
“you’ll go down in history”

Another One Bites The Dust

It is with deep regret that we ask you to click on the song link here for a final time before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music which we will forever remember as “Herman’s Theme”.

First it was Tim Pawlenty. Then it was Donald Trump. Next it was Sarah Palin. Then it was Chris Christie. Now it is Herman Cain who has quit his quest for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

Cain has announced that he is suspending his campaign because of the barrage of sexual harassment and marital infidelity claims that have been levied against him in the last few weeks. Cain made the decision after having had a long conversation with his wife and several girlfriends. Final score? Girlfriends 1, Cain 0. Cain learned that it is very difficult to profess to being a devout family man when you are accused of a life of lewd sexual behavior by several woman who are not your wife. At least Cain will not have to submit to that lie detector test which he volunteered for last month.

During his announcement, Herman Cain continued to deny any misconduct on his part. He said, “These false and untrue allegations continue to be spinned in the media, and in the court of public opinion so as to create a cloud of doubt over me and this campaign and my family. That spin hurts. It hurts my wife. It hurts my family. It hurts me. And it hurts the American people, because you are being denied solutions to our problems.” Cain then said, “I am not going to be silenced and I am not going away.” Immediately thereafter however, Herman Cain was silent and then he went away.

It would have been so much more dramatic if he uttered those famous words which he first voiced when he announced his candidacy…”AW, Shucky Ducky!” In any event, the “Cain Train” (as he refererd to his campaign) is now nothing more than a train wreck. Good riddance, Herman. Don’t let the Koch Brothers kick you in the rear as you exit the public stage.

Inasmuch as near every Republican candidate is imploding before even a single primary election vote has been cast, it is likely that President Obama will run unopposed in 2012.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Hurricane” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YngpWylqQ3A

HERMAN CAIN

 (sung to the Bob Dylan song “Hurricane”)

Herman Cain shouts out to the radical right
He was doin’ pretty fine but now he will fall
His 9-9-9 plan was a resounding dud
Romney and Perry are having a ball
Here comes the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.

Herman was chosen by the Tea Party
The only black man to be brainwashed by the GOP
“I will do it” he said as they were clapping hands
“But my views do not register with all the other black men”
“They’re non-believers” he says and he stops
“There’s already a black man at the top”
“Can I keep my pizza shops?”
“Will I somehow make the scene with my liberal-bashin’
“As a black man on the right?”

Meanwhile far away in another part of town
The Koch Brothers and a couple of friends are drivin’ around
They needed somebody to don the right-wing crown
Had no idea the kind of idiots who were hangin’ around
Michele Bachmann looked like she was about to explode
Just like the time before Mitt Romney can’t stand pat
And Rick Perry is just too dumb and slow
He’s a hack… and he is destined for a big defeat
And Obama must be beat!

All these fellows prompted laugher and had no chance to reach the top
The Koch Brothers oh so sadly were just out prowling around
They said, “the other men running, they are lightweight candidates”
“They’ll look like morons when they get to the debates”
Those ol’ boys were just inclined to scratch their sore heads
Koch said, “Wait a minute boys, here’s our thoroughbred!”
He then suggested good ol’ Herman C.
And though this man had no history
They told him that he could surely be their chosen man.

Four in the morning and they called Herman in
They were downright hospitable and they calmed all his fears
Then Herman Cain looked up through his two crying eyes
Says, “I’m shedding all these tears because I’m your guy”
Yes, this is the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.

Four months later and Wall Street is inflamed
Herman tells the jobless that they are all to blame
While all those bailed-out bankers profit from their greedy games
And Cain sides with the shifty one-percent while he calls the protesters names
He went even further but he went too far
By raisin’ taxes on those workers at the bar
He showed his tax plan had a fatal flaw
Ol’ Herman Cain began to hem and haw…running in fright
Even attacked from the right.

Now all those Tea-Baggers said, “I’m really not sure”
“Raise all our taxes? Please give us a break!”
“We picked you for this cushy job but just maybe you’re not our fellow”
“Now just like flip-flopping Romney, it seems your spine’s made of Jello”
“You best modify your bad behavior”
“Or Newt Gingrich will become our newest flavor!”
“Now you best listen to us, Sir”
“Don’t wanna pin our hopes and dreams upon him”
“Our view of him is quite dim.”

Cain had to take a stand and he had a hunch
But his cigarette smoking ad proved he was out to lunch
It’s a YouTube play and it was a bad day
Now that it’s over he hopes that it just goes away
Reviews weren’t very nice
Still the next time though, he better think twice
His campaign ad an epic fail
What can Herman do next to bail out?
Cuz he’ll never be the man in the White House

All of Herman’s cards were marked in advance
His campaign was a circus, he never had a chance
He tried to cast detractors as drunkards from the slums
To the sane folks who watched he was a corporate-crony bum
He was a big dope with an ego even bigger
No one doubted he was a gold-digger
And he proved he never was “the one”
The Koch Brothers chose the wrong son.. oh yes, indeed
And all the Tea-Baggers agreed.

Cain was later identified
By two former employees who testified
Of sexual harassment of which Cain lied
And the newspapers they all went along for the ride
How can the wife of such a man
Proudly wear his stained wedding band?
While he claims that he was framed?
Herman Cain should be rightly ashamed… to be such a man
Who would deny his blame.

Now the Koch Brothers in their coats and their ties
Are glad to drink martinis and choose their next guy
There must be somebody out there that they can sell
Cuz Herman Cain he was not all that swell
That’s the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.