Sarah Palin Boob Tube Theme Songs – Reprise

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun song parodies. Inasmuch as Sarah Palin fancies herself the outdoorsy type, we thought we might spoof her with the classic 1960’s theme song from television’s Daniel Boone.

Daniel Boone theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdMA2spF0Bg

SARAH P.

(sung to the theme of “Daniel Boone”)

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a lame guv.
But McCain was even lamer,
so should we really blame her, golly gee

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a dumb guv.
But the First Dude was dumber,
so she summoned “Joe the Plumber” to the scene.

From the beehive do on the top of her head
To the spike of her high heeled shoes;
Like a zombie from “Night of the Living Dead”,
She looked so damn confused.

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a slick guv.
In an attempt to win her hicks back;
Her speeches addressed “Joe Sixpack’ all the time.

Drivin’ demons out with prayer!
A one-time Wasilla mayor, was she!

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a big guv.
But her quitting nature’s bigger;
So she pulled the quitting trigger, did she.

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a gun guv.
She loved aerial shootin’;
And would love to blast Mike Wooten from a tree!

She said, “Thanks But No Thanks” and “Drill Baby Drill”
But beyond that had nothin’ to say;
During interviews, she just should have sat still,
Was upstaged by Tina Fey

Sarah P. was a guv.
Was a swine guv.
And she was quite a whiner;
With her lipstick and eye-liner, was she!

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Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on April 14, 2010. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s Tax Day Tea Party rally in Boston.

Palin’s Boston Tea Party Bombs!

The same outfit worn in Boston today.

Although Fox News will report that attendance was in the millions, the actual head count for Sarah Palin’s Tea-Bagger rally on Boston Common today was approximately 1000 (including protesters). Let’s put that in perspective. The population of metropolitan Boston is 4.5 million and only 1000 bothered to see Sarah Palin on a bright sunny Spring day with temperatures in the mid sixties . More people than that show up on a daily basis at Boston Common to watch a squirrel and a pigeon fight over a discarded pretzel. The television coverage of NECN embarrassingly showed a lot more green grass than human beings on the Common.

Palin protesters were present. Many were sporting signs which said, “Health Care Reform. No Thanks To Palin”. Another read, “Hey Sarah, Family Values = 30 Million Newly Insured Americans”. We will update with more on the protest signs as we learn more. One of the Tea-Baggers held a sign which said, “Remember When Dissent Was Patriotic?”, only it was misspelled as “Dessent”. How appropriate and predictable.

Palin was dressed in a red leather jacket with a flag button (as usual). She said that husband Todd was with her and that he liked this type of tea party more than the ones he was forced to attend with other first ladies when he was the “First Dude”. The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska spoke only for about 20 minutes. It was the usual nonsense drivel in which she criticized the current administration without offering even one single alternative policy initiative. She claimed that “radical” changes like the health care reform law and student loan reforms have alienated our allies. Huh? She uttered her tiresome refrain that “Bostonians, like the rest of America will continue to cling to our Constitution, our guns and our religion”. Of course, Palin did not realize that Massachusetts favors and harbors some of the most strict gun laws in the nation. Sarah Palin needs to do some homework about the venues where she speaks. Next, she said that “the government works for the people, not the other way around”. Perhaps she should ask the millions of federal, state and municipal employees about that doozy. In rapid succession she then said, “nu-cue-ler” “drill baby, drill” and “Ya betcha”. The best part of her speech was that the amplifiers cut out repeatedly such that most of the small crowd could not hear a word that she spoke. The rally was scheduled to last until 1:00 pm but the crowd was gone by 11:25 am.

At one point, Ms. Quittypants attempted to rev up the quiet gathering by claiming that she had a personal connection to Boston. She claimed to have been on a youth hockey trip here when she met 1980 Olympic hockey captain and champion, Mike Eruzione. Problem is, Palin forgot his first name and completely mispronounced his last name. Of course Mike Eruzione (the good Democrat that he is) was not present at the rally. Then again, neither was newly elected nudist Republican Senator Scott Brown, Republican gubernatorial candidate Charles Baker or Republican congressional candidate Jeffrey Perry. The Massachusetts Republican candidates (few that there are) realize that Sarah Palin and her violent yet silly rhetoric is toxic to their election chances.

Sarah Palin was introduced to the tiny audience by local uber-conservative talk radio host and columnist for the Boston Herald (Enquirer). Michael Graham. Graham airs his acerbic daily radio show on Boston’s WTKK (affectionately known as WKKK as the result of its almost entirely right wing lineup). It is interesting to note that Graham drew criticism from blogs on the Left and the Right for comments about Bill and Hillary Clinton made on CNN Headline News’ Glenn Beck Show on June 20, 2007. Referring to a Clinton campaign ad based on the final episode of The Sopranos, Graham said “…didn’t you at some point want to see, like, Paulie Walnuts, somebody come in here and just whack them both right there? Wouldn’t that have been great?…Come on! Where’s “Big Pussy”? Come on! Let’s make it happen…I wanted that.” Graham adores and advocates gun violence as much as his hero Sarah Palin.

Thankfully, the response to this version of the Boston Tea Party was tepid.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

The Charade Is Over: Trump No More Than A Lump

America has spoken to Donald Trump and they said, “You’re fired!”

The most recent poll from Politico and George Washington University indicates more than two-thirds of Americans think the Republican bankrupt-business mogul and reality television host has “no chance” of ever winning the White House. CNN reports that the poll which was released Monday, shows 71 percent think a Trump candidacy is a non-starter while only 26 percent think there is a chance the reality television star could beat President Obama. The Politico/GWU poll surveyed 1,000 likely voters from May 8-12 and carries a sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points.

To add insult to injury, those numbers numbers follow a similarly-poor showing for Trump in a CNN/Opinion Research Corp. poll released last week. That survey showed Trump has an unfavorable rating of 64 percent and would lose to Obama by 22 points in a general election matchup.

Will The Donald look as miserable when he hears this news as he did at the White House Correspondents Dinner while both President Obama and Seth Meyers were lambasting him? Apparently so, because he announced yesterday that he will not run for the presidency. He has chickened-out, but not without some bravado. Indeed, he said, “I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election.”

Donald Trump lives in a fantasy land. Honestly, think about this simple question for a moment; how could Americans ever trust Trump to handle the economy when he is about the only person in the world who could not make a profit by owning casinos. It looks like America has exercised its right to choice and it has elected to abort the birther.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Big Bad John song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWKGhwwVgKY

BIG DUMB DON

(sung to the Johnny Cash song “Big Bad John”)

Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Every Tuesday at nine, you will see him arrive
He stands 6 foot 5, weighs 289
A reality show host who’s not very hip
He fires contestants if they should give him any lip, he’s Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

He wears a toupee atop his big dome
Donald Trump acts like a clown, still he seeks the throne
A dim-witted putz, he’s not a bright guy
Claims he robbed Quadafi but that’s a lie – Dumb Don
The nit-wit hails from the borough called Queens
And he has managed to file too many bankruptcies
Filed so many you can’t count them on one hand
Yet Trump still thinks he’ll lead the country to the promised land – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Head made of clay and he loses every dime
He owned a football team that lost all the time
Built a casino, it did not last
Then the taxpayers bailed out his sorry ass – Dumb Don
Through the dust and the smoke as his empire fell
Crawled this maggot of a man that will soon rot in hell
Called a willing banker and he begged for a loan
But when asked for collateral he said “it’s all been blown” – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

And now Donald Trump thinks that the Lord up above
Will stroke his election dreams with a velvet glove
Yet little does he know that he can’t be saved
Donald’s campaign is headed to the grave – Dumb Don
Don Trump won’t earn his seat in DC Town
Let’s all watch his big smile turn to a frown
And as The Donald learns life is unkind
All of us just knew it was the end of the line, for Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Let’s hope that we are done with this worthless twit
Even Tea-Baggers know Trump’s an idiot
If only the future could be planned
We would love to say, “You’re Fired!” to this shell of a man – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Palin Tosses Another Magnificent Word Salad

I really do wish that I could stop writing about Sarah Palin and move on to some other sordid Republicans. Problem is, every time I find a new subject, Palin opens her mouth and says something so astonishingly stupid that I feel it must be revealed to the blogosphere.

Case in point. All week conservative talk radio and Fox News have been abuzz about the rapper/poet known as Common being invited to the White House as part of Michele Obama’s White House Music Series. Conservatives from coast to coast are aghast that a rapper, who in his distant past, sang a song about gun-slinging confrontations with the police and his dissatisfaction with George W. Bush as a president could ever be invited to the White House. Of course those conservatives never actually took the time to read all the lines of the poem “Letter To The Law” because if they had, they would have realized that Common was actually telling people to stop the violence and seek peace in their communities.

The Huffington Post and Jon Stewart of “The Daily Show” have pointed out that the folks over at Fox News even conveniently forgot that last year they gleefully interviewed Common and the Fox host said,

“Your music is very positive and you’re known as the conscience rapper. How important is that to you and how important do you think that is to our kids?”

How is that for a network completely reversing itself? You might also recall that Fox News aired an enthusiastic Happy Birthday shout-out to “Cop Killer” rapper Ice-T. on his 52nd birthday. The network also condones the violent gun laden attacks that rocker Ted Nugent levies against Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama. And where was the outrage from Fox and the conservatives when George W. Bush honored Johnny Cash despite the fact that he wrote the lyrics, “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die”? Can you sense some hypocrisy?

But what about Sarah Palin? She is of course, not only the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. She is also a Fox News host and here is what she had to say about the White House invite to Common,

“You know, the judgment, it’s just so lacking of class and decency and all that’s good about America with an invite like this.”

and,

“This rapper, we thought that we were to be united under the leader of the free world, Barack Obama, in tamping down racism and inciting violence and cop killing, certainly, and killing a former president.”

Wow, and we thought George W. Bush was the worst orator we had ever heard. What in the wide, wide world of gibberish is Palin attempting to articulate? Sarah Palin should be a chef because she tosses a mean word salad!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Turning Japanese song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEmJ-VWPDM4

LEARNING PALINESE

(sung to the Vapors song “Turning Japanese”)

She quotes from scripture
Says, “also too”
Limited world-view
Of that I knew
She was so daring to say, “thanks but no thank you”

Helen Keller
Was more profound
Poor Sarah Palin
Knows so few nouns
I reach for tissue every time that she expounds

Her book has pictures, yes lots of pictures
That’s why the worthless thing flew right off the shelf
Had a witch doctor concoct a mixture
That would drive her demons right on back to hell
She’s got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning round

I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

I saw her picture, I saw her picture
And then I threw-up there all over myself
Sarah’s a talking Tea Party fixture
“Refudiating” things she just said herself
She’s got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning round

I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

All sex and thugs and whining woman
All guns, dumb kin, no clue, she’s lost in the dark
She told us that “death panels” were a sure-fire danger
She speaks in tongues and babbles like a psycho ranger
Hope she runs

That’s why I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

(gibberish break)

Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Think so, think so, think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

Will Voters Tell The Donald, “You’re Fired”?

Trump Is A Gas-Bag

Each passing day Donald Trump appears to be inching closer to announcing that he will run as a Republican candidate in 2012 for the office of President of the United States. It only makes sense inasmuch as the potential field of GOP candidates is already chock-full of certified lunatics like Sarah “Queen of Quit” Palin, Michele “Light-Bulb Loving” Bachmann, Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum, Haley “Boss Hog” Barbour, Newt “Resign in Disgrace” Gingrich and Rudy “A Noun, A Verb and 9/11” Giuliani. Adding Donald Trump to the mix is akin to stuffing an extra clown in the Volkswagen Beetle at the circus. Entertaining, yet harmless fun for the viewing audience.

Earlier this week The Donald announced that he will be headed to Iowa in June. While there, he will headline the state Republican Party’s annual Lincoln Dinner in Des Moines. Iowa of course, plays an important role in the presidential election because its caucuses are the first in the nation. Trump has also declared that he will speak in New Hampshire in June. That state is also considered to be critically important to any presidential candidate because it holds the nation’s first primary election. It should also be noted that Trump spoke at February’s CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) which is a “who’s who” of potential GOP presidential candidates. Trump maintains that he will formally announce his presidential intentions in June.

Donald Trump is a perfect fit for the Republican nomination because he shares so many traits with other Republican politicians. The thrice married “family values” Trump is a serial philanderer like Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich. He is a reality television series host like Sarah Palin. The former enthusiastic proponent of universal health care has now flip-flopped on the issue just like Mitt “Personal Mandates are Good” Romney. Trump is also a “Birther” like Michele Bachmann, who doubts that President Barack Obama was born in the United States. When you consider that The Donald has also filed for bankruptcy on at least 4 occasions, it begs the question, “who would be more suited to lead our nation out of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression?”

So, buy a box of popcorn and a horn of cotton candy, take your seat and enjoy this election cycle’s version of the Republican Bros. Flying Circus.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Big Bad John song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWKGhwwVgKY

BIG DUMB DON

(sung to the Johnny Cash song “Big Bad John”)

Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Every Tuesday at nine, you will see him arrive
He stands 6 foot 5, weighs 289
A reality show host who’s not very hip
He fires contestants if they should give him any lip, he’s Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

He wears a toupee atop his big dome
Donald Trump acts like a clown, still he seeks the throne
A dim-witted putz, he’s not a bright guy
Claims he robbed Quadafi but that’s a lie – Dumb Don
The nit-wit hails from the borough called Queens
And he has managed to file too many bankruptcies
Filed so many you can’t count them on one hand
Yet Trump still thinks he’ll lead the country to the promised land – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Head made of clay and he loses every dime
He owned a football team that lost all the time
Built a casino, it did not last
Then the taxpayers bailed out his sorry ass – Dumb Don
Through the dust and the smoke as his empire fell
Crawled this maggot of a man that will soon rot in hell
Called a willing banker and he begged for a loan
But when asked for collateral he said “it’s all been blown” – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

And now Donald Trump thinks that the Lord up above
Will stroke his election dreams with a velvet glove
Yet little does he know that he can’t be saved
Donald’s campaign is headed to the grave – Dumb Don
Don Trump won’t earn his seat in DC Town
Let’s all watch his big smile turn to a frown
And as The Donald learns life is unkind
All of us just knew it was the end of the line, for Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Let’s hope that we are done with this worthless twit
Even Tea-Baggers know Trump’s an idiot
If only the future could be planned
We would love to say, “You’re Fired!” to this shell of a man – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Palin’s Dad Clings To His Guns (Not His Wife) In Bed

Charles "Chuckles" Heath

Sarah Palin’s father Charles “Chuckles” Heath has let go with another doozy of a tale this week. CNN reports that, citing death threats to his family, he claims to keep his guns close at night. “We sleep with the guns,” Chuck Heath said in an interview with the BBC on Monday.

So let’s get this straight, Palin’s father (who does not live with her) is so afraid for his safety that he sleeps with his guns? Hey Chuck, like the psychologist once said, “just because you are paranoid does not mean that they really are not out to get you!” Who knows, maybe this is Palin’s father’s way of expressing his  “2nd Amendment remedies”. In any event, this is not the first time that the attention-seeking former teacher has shot-off (pun intended) his mouth.

Back in 2009 “Papa Bear” Palin told a couple of reporters that the presence of so many Asians and Pacific Islanders made Sarah Palin so uncomfortable that she left Hawaii Pacific College. He said, “they were a minority type thing and it wasn’t glamorous, so she came home.”

Let’s hope that so long as the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska continues to refuse to give interviews to the “lamestream’ media, that the press keeps looking to Chuck Heath for a story. Whenever he speaks, we are all sure to have a chuckle.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody also too.

The Beverly Hillbillies song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_XAPku7SgE&feature=related

THE WASSILLA HILLBILLIES – PART 3

(sung to the theme of “The Beverly Hillbillies”)

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a gal named Sarah
Not too many brains but a whole lot of mascara.
Her hair is in a beehive and she has some lipstick too,
She tried to run for V.P. but she didn’t have a clue.

Knowledge that is,   Bush Doctrine?,    Job of V.P. ?

Well the first thing ya know Obama left her in the dust,
So she joined the Tea Party to engage in some blood-lust
She said, “The Johnston family are so dumb that they just drool”
Then daughter Bristol and Levi dropped right on out of school.

Embarrasment that is,   Birth’n Babies,    Quittin’ Jobs.

Well now its time to say good-bye to Sarah and her kin,
The First Dude and his wife have some wounds that need lick’n.
The whole Palin clan now studies the encyclopedia,
So they can handle “Gotcha Questions” from the “lamestream” media.

Couric, that is.   Charlie Gibson,    Tina Fey..

Y’all come back now, y’hear?

Palin v. Griffin – MEOW!!!

The ever-pesky Sarah Palin has managed to get herself into another cat-fight. This time she has challenged comedian Kathy Griffin to “bring it on”. You might recall that over the last few years, Griffin has poked a lot of fun at the Palin family. First she ridiculed the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. After that, she tore into the born-again virgin daughter Bristol. Then, this winter, she promised to take down daughter willow. Now it has been announced that Griffin will play a Palin-esque Tea Party type in a guest spot on the hit television series “Glee”.

Sarah Palin was asked what she thinks of Griffin’s new role while appearing as a guest on Fox News (where else?). Her response included calling Griffin a “has-been comedienne.” She then went on to say,

“You know, Kathy Griffin can do anything to me or say anything about me, because you know, she’s kind of this – she’s a 50-year-old adult bully. I just ask for respect of my children. When she said on CNN that her New Year’s resolution is to destroy my 16-year-old daughter, that takes it a little far.Kathy… pick on me, come on up to Alaska and pick on me, but leave my kids alone.”

Them sounds like fightin’ words to Lynnrockets. It could be billed as “The Thrilla in Wasiila” featuring Kathy “The Has-Been Comedienne” Griffin versus Sarah “The Has-Been Politician” Palin. Stay tuned, because this is a bout in which the fur will be flying.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Kung Fu Fighting song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUkGIsKvn0

KUNG FU FIGHTING (Version II)

(sung to the Carl Douglas song “Kung Fu Fighting”)

Oh – oh – oh – oh…

Sarah Palin was kung fu fighting
Her words were crude and biting
In fact she is a little bit frightening
And she has the best of timing

One day funky Griffin-gal put Sarah Palin down
She was chopping her up and she was talking her down
Her words gave Sarah a start and then she tore Kathy apart
She was shooting from the hip; when she gave Griffin some lip

Griff and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were tear-inciting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the best of timing

She said, “knuckle dragging Griff, you better bite your tongue”
Kath said “Why don’t you get lost, you best be gone”
She said, “this crib-note on my hand says I’m worth one-hundred grand”
Kath said, “when you see my Glee clip, you will just have to bite your lip”

Rick and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were crude and biting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the worst of timing

Oh – oh – oh – oh…

Griff and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were crude and biting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the best of timing

Oh – oh – oh – oh…
Keep on fighting
Those cats are frightening

Oh – oh – oh – oh…(to fade)

Hannity and Malkin: A Fox News Duo of Dimwittery

By now, everyone that pays attention has heard about the brutal sexual assault in Egypt of Lara Logan, the CBS News journalist. While reporting on the celebration by Egyptian protesters which erupted when it was announced that President Hosni Mubarak was stepping down, Logan was somehow separated from her security team and thereafter was brutally sexually assaulted for a period of 20 to 30 minutes. It is assumed that the attack was carried out by some protesters. After the assault, Logan immediately returned to the United States where she received medical treatment. She has since been released from the hospital and she plans to return to work in the very near future. She suffered a terrible ordeal and most everyone hopes that she recovers both physically and emotionally.

Those are the facts. That is what has been reported on the Lara Logan situation. That being said however, the folks over at Fox News have decided to put the conservative spin on things. As usual, the network has elected to provide an unfair and unbalanced assessment of the situation. One example is the misinformation and spin by Sean Hannity and his guest Michelle Malkin on Wednesday evening.

On “Hannity”, the host briefly repeated the facts as we know them, but then he jumped right into the spin and misinformation with his guest. Hannity said, “And I read this and I was thinking about, you know – wasn’t this supposed to be the peaceful demonstration and we have one journalist after another…” First of all he was mistaken by blaming all of the journalist harassment incidents on one side. It appears at this point in time that Logan was attacked by anti-Mubarak protesters but many other journalists were attacked by pro-Mubarak supporters and officials. Indeed, just 8 days prior to her sexual assault, Lara Logan and her crew were arrested and beaten and jailed by the Egyptian police. Logan said of that incident, “We were not attacked by crazy people in Tahrir Square. We were detained by the Egyptian army. Arrested, detained, and interrogated. Blindfolded, handcuffed, taken at gunpoint, our driver beaten. It’s the regime that arrested us. They arrested [our producer] just outside of his hotel, and they took him off the road at gunpoint, threw him against the wall, handcuffed him, blindfolded him. Took him into custody like that.” Hannity however, made no distinction and failed to report the true set of circumstances. Moreover, he implied that the civilian uprising was far more violent than the mainstream media would lead us to believe despite the fact that as far as uprisings go, the Egyptian uprising was far more peaceful than most.

Michelle Malkin then jumped in and correctly stated, “It’s monstrous. Many women, in particular, will tell you this is business as usual for many parts of the Middle East.” This is true, it has been widely reported that  “gropings” and “assaults” of women have been witnessed throughout the uprising. It is no secret that women are treated as second-class citizens (and/or chattel) in many parts of the Middle Eastern world.

Yet as soon as she said that, Malkin began her conservative and baseless spin. She said, “I think that if CBS News and the rest of the mainstream media want to do right by her and right by all the other journalists who were attacked last week and over the course of the last two weeks, what they will do is finally find some spine and refuse to whitewash the truth about who these assailants were, what they were motivated by.” She then went on to continue criticizing the mainstream media (i.e. any media other than Fox News) by failing to report on “the root causes of anti-Americanism that is festering in these places in the Middle East”.

First of all, somebody at Fox should have informed Michelle Malkin that Lara Logan is not American. She is a South African (perhaps her accent should have been a clue). Secondly, Malkin failed to mention that during the attack, onlookers were reported to have been shouting “Jew, Jew, Jew”. It has been pretty well established over the years that Muslims and Jews do not always hold each other in the highest esteem. Perhaps Malkin missed that memo. In fact, it is interesting to note that when Logan and her crew were arrested by the military a week earlier, it was on suspicion that they were Israeli spies. There is nothing to suggest that Lara logan’s assault had anything to do with anti-Americanism.

It is somewhat understandable as to why Fox News always misrepresents facts and even lies to simplify a story. It is network policy to ensure that every story reinforces the radically conservative right-wing agenda. Additionally, complicated story-lines are simply beyond the grasp of the simple-minded Fox News hosts and their audience. Fox and its audience operate only on the simplest of mathematical equations:

Americans = Always good; Foreign Nations = Always bad; Republicans = Always good; Democrats = Always bad; War = Always good; Peace = Always bad

There you have it.

Inasmuch as both Sean Hannity and Michelle Malkin had a starring role in today’s blog post, Lynnrockets will treat you Rocketeers to a double dose of song parody. Please enjoy.

Please remember to click on the song links below to familiarize yourselves with the tunes and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parodies.

Saturday In The Park song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5bhBSb92LY

HANNITY IN THE DARK

(sung to the Chicago song “Saturday In The Park”)

Hannity in the dark
You’d think that he would open his eyes
Hannity in the dark
It’s rhetoric that the reich wing buys
Keeps us barfing, keeps us laughing
The man is a lame-brain
G.O.P. talking points
Ixnay on the truthiness
Do you dig it? (no, we don’t)
And he’s been at it such a long time
Sean Hannity

Hannity in the dark
You’d think that he would open his eyes
Hannity in the dark
It’s rhetoric that the reich wing buys
His tough talking, while he’s smiling
Scared of waterboarding
Chicken-hawk with gall
Olbermann exposed the fool
Can you dig it? (yes, we can)
And Alan Colmes was such a nice guy
Yesterday

Slow thinking dropout without a college degree
A bought man just can shill for the G.O.P.
Fox News execs know they’re his boss
Know they’re his boss (oh, yeah, yeah)

In a daze, in the dark
Every day’s a day full of lies
In a haze, off the mark
He’s just like Limbaugh in disguise
Embellishing and misleading
An abomination
Like the Berlin Wall
An idiot, pitching a fit
Can you dig it? (no, we can’t)
And he’s been at it such a long time
Hannity

The Monster Mash song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeZftK2kO6U

THE MALKIN MASH

(sung to the Bobby “Boris” Pickett song “Monster Mash”)

She was mouthing off with gab late one night
Malkin’s strange visage, an eerie sight
My blood pressure and pulse both began to rise
What’s up with that weird lazy eye?

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

She was ruminating on Obama’s speech
When her logic and her brains went to the beach
We knew she was lying by her growing nose
Inside her skull, a mighty wind blows

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Dear Malkin was having fun
Her air-time had just begun
It was quite apparent that
Michelle had come undone

The show was rockin’ with her babbling sounds
Michelle spewing sentences without nouns
There were blood-shot lines in her crazy ass eyes
One thing missing was the strait-jacket guys

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Out from the closet came the Coulter thing
He was wearing his decoder ring
Waving it round because he was pissed
Have you ever seen so much hair on anybody’s fist?

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Now everything’s cool, Coulter hid his big hand
And Malkin’s diatribe was critically panned
It was one giant laugh if it was viewed
Next time we see that jerk, she is sure to be booed.

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Sarah Palin’s Tuesday Night Bad News Boob-Tube Byte

Just when you thought that there could not possibly be another poor poll showing by Sarah Palin, up pops today’s Rasmussen poll. The poll revealed that the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska trails former full-term Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and former full-term Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. This is  another troubling sign for Palin as she continues to ponder a presidential campaign run.

In a potential 2012 presidential showdown, Mr. Huckabee and Mr. Obama currently poll at 43 percent, while Mr. Romney leads Mr. Obama by 2 percent. Meanwhile, Ms. Palin trails Mr. Obama 49 percent to 38 percent. The poll was conducted through all of January 2011.

This is just one more nail in the Palin presidential hopes coffin.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Daniel Boone theme song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdMA2spF0Bg

SARAH P.

(sung to the theme of “Daniel Boone”)

Sarah P. was a guv Lord above
Lord above

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a lame guv.
But McCain was even lamer,
so should we really blame her, golly gee

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a dumb guv.
But the First Dude was dumber,
so she summoned “Joe the Plumber” to the scene.

From the beehive do on the top of her head
To the spike of her high heeled shoes;
Like a zombie from “Night of the Living Dead”,
She looked so damn confused.

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a slick guv.
In an attempt to win her hicks back;
Her speeches addressed “Joe Sixpack’ all the time.

Drivin’ demons out with prayer!
A one-time Wasilla mayor, was she!

(book banning break)

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a big guv.
But her quitting nature’s bigger;
So she pulled the quitting trigger, did she.

She said, “Thanks But No Thanks” and “Drill Baby Drill”
But beyond that had nothin’ to say;
During interviews, she just should have sat still,
Was upstaged by Tina Fey

Sarah P. was a guv.
Was a poor guv.
And she won’t lead our country;
We can all now be Palin-free, can’t we

(Thank goodness we’re free)

What a goon, what a loser
Sarah soon will be a boozer won’t she?

What a goon, what a loser
Palin soon will be a boozer won’t she?

Sarah P. was a guv!

Even Liberals Sometimes Get Duped – D’oh!

We all love to laugh at Fox News hosts, right wing radio pundits and conservative politicians when they fall for a prank. Case in point: when Sarah Palin took that embarrassing phone call from a Canadian disc jockey posing as French President, Nicolas Sarkozy. Yet to be fair, we progressives must admit that it happens to our folks every once in awhile also, too.

Last night it was MSNBC‘s Rachel Maddow that was duped. BusinessInsider.com reports that she called attention to a story on the website Christwire that was advocating for Sarah Palin to lead an American invasion into Egypt. Admittedly, that story does not sound all that far fetched when one considers some of Palin’s past prescriptions such as fixing the BP oil leak by means of Norwegian dykes. Nonetheless, you would expect just a little fact checking from the usually meticulous Maddow team. Had they done so, they would have learned that Christwire is a satirical site.

Shortly after the broadcast, Maddow’s folks did in fact catch the mistake. Maddow issued a Twitter tweet which read,

“The bad news about a free and open internet? Sometimes you get had by brilliant satirists. Christwire: 1 TRMS: 0”

Here is the embarrassing broadcast:

We love you Rachel, but please do not let this happen again. Your standards are too high to be lumped in with the likes of Beck, Hannity and Limbaugh. Strike one, but she is still at the plate.

By the way Rachel, the following is Egyptian President, Hosni Mubarak in more popular days!

UPDATE:  Still snowing like crazy in Boston!