Levi Plans To Bare His Johnston In Tell-All Tome Of Palin

Levi Johnston

We have been wondering for months when an update on Levi Johnston’s tell-all tome would emerge. Well, thanks to New York Magazine and its eight page article on all things Palin last weekend, we have been rewarded with some news not only about the book, but also about Johnston’s new lifestyle. It appears that much like that of his once and future mother-in-law, Johnston’s finances and celebrity have been greatly enhanced by the nation’s thirst for information about Sarah Palin.

Levi Johnston is well aware that, but for impregnating the former Republican vice presidential nominee’s unmarried teen-aged daughter, he would simply be one of many unknown and probably penniless teen fathers. As a consequence of Palin’s celebrity however, he may soon have his own reality television series to compete with that of the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska’s. He has also been able to capitalize on some of the finer things in life such as an agent, a bodyguard and jet setting trips to Los Angeles for magazine nude photo layouts (ala Scott Brown).

The New York Magazine article quotes Levi Johnston’s description of his proposed reality show as follows:

“It’s everything I do, man. Kinda like the Kardashian show,” Johnston says, describing his proposed show. “It’s everything. Like one day I’ll be hunting, next day I’ll be, ‘Hey, I gotta fly to California tonight,’ so I’ll hop on a flight. Go to a party, maybe meet a chick, bring her back to Alaska and take her fishing and see if she can hang. If not, kick her out. Then go hang out with my son, or go to the track and race my dirt bike. Next week, up in the mountains sheep hunting. Or jumping out of airplanes. I don’t know. It’s not looking at glaciers and going to Bristol Bay.”

As for his proposed book, Johnston says,

he’s working on a memoir that would air the true story of the Palin household. “They’re never around each other,” Johnston says of Sarah and Todd. “It’s like they hate each other but they don’t want anyone to know it. I think they were gonna get a divorce, but then they were like, ‘Let’s not prove them right.’ I’ve never seen them sleep in the same room, he’s always on this little recliner. For years, they never really talked.”

He also told the magazine that he’s not surprised Palin is cashing in. “When she lost, I knew exactly what she was gonna do,” he says. “The whole time she was getting big-money offers for book and TV shows. I was like, All right, she’s gonna pick that up. It was just a matter of time before she quit. I know everything there is to know about her,” Johnston adds. “She’s so fake. But she’s so good at it, too. She’s amazing at it. If I didn’t know it, I wouldn’t know the difference.”

Way to go Levi. Don’t spill all the beans just yet. We can wait for all the lurid details in your book. Do us a favor though? Don’t make us wait too long. OK?

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg


(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Can you pray away gay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Manhattan Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said, “I think Sarah just wants a quick peek”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy,
She won’t speak without a fee
The next show she’s doing
Will be with Sean Hannity

Keeping every penny of per-diem pay,
Lying about clothes to charity,
Daughter that’s unwed,
Is someone inbred?
Her chance to win election, pretty low – Think!

Relatives all getting arrested.
Family dignity in free-fall.
McCain’s folks still claim,
“Palin was to blame”
But Sarah says that they dropped the ball

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Posted on April 29, 2010, in Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin, Songs, Todd Palin and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Bravo! Very funny.

  2. What can I say but another great song! I think you should be making lots of $$$$ at this because they obviously come very easily for you.


  3. The Sheep Hunter

    “Meet a chick, bring her back to Alaska and take her fishing and see if she can hang”. Good luck finding an LA party girl eager to go fishing in the Alaska boonies! Who would sit through an episode of the “The Apprentice” knowing the contestants were desperate to be kicked out?

    The Book! Like all fakes, Palin has an expiration date (the Republican primaries), so Levi should get the book out while people still care (see Kate Gosselin).

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