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Rush Limbaugh Is Not A Fine Human Being, A Decent Person Or An Average American

The idiotic Rush Limbaugh sunk to a new low on his radio show yesterday. During a misinformative tirade, he said that neither President Obama nor First Lady Michelle Obama are a “fine human being”, “a decent person” or an “average American”.

Has Limbaugh looked in the mirror? Does this uneducated, drug-addicted, racist who has been married four times consider himself to be a “fine human being”, “a decent person” or an “average American”? Shall we take a little look at Rush Limbaugh and the events of his sterling life?

Rush Limbaugh flunked out of Southeast Missouri State University after only two semesters and one summer session. To date, he has no college degree. According to his mother, “he flunked everything”.

Limbaugh has been married four times. His marriages have lasted four years, seven years, ten years and one year (and counting) in successive order.

Limbaugh has publicly condemned illegal drug use for a long time. On his television program he said that “Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. … And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.”

Of course he said those things before he was exposed as being a drug addict.  On October 3, 2003 the National Enquirer reported that Limbaugh was being investigated for illegally obtaining the prescription drugs oxycodone and hydrocodone. Other news outlets quickly confirmed the investigation. He admitted to listeners on his radio show on October 10, 2003 that he was addicted to prescription painkillers and stated that he would enter inpatient treatment for 30 days, immediately after the broadcast. On April 28, 2006 a warrant was issued for his arrest on the charge of doctor shopping. According to Teri Barbera, spokeswoman for the Sheriff, during his arrest, Limbaugh was booked, photographed, and fingerprinted, but not handcuffed. He was then released after about an hour on $3,000 bail. After his surrender, he filed a “not guilty” plea to the charge. Prosecutors agreed to drop the charge if Limbaugh paid $30,000 to defray the cost of the investigation and completed an 18-month therapy regimen with his physician. Under the terms of the agreement, Limbaugh was prohibited from owning a firearm for eighteen months and must continue to submit to random drug testing. Later, in June 2006, Limbaugh was detained by drug enforcement agents at Palm Beach International Airport. Customs officials confiscated Viagra from Limbaugh’s luggage as he was returning from the Dominican Republic. The prescription was not in Limbaugh’s name.

Rush Limbaugh also appears to be a blatant racist. He resigned under pressure in 2003 after only a very brief stint co-hosting ESPN‘s “Sunday NFL Countdown”. This resulted from his on-air claim that quarterback Donovan McNabb was overrated because the media wanted to see a black quarterback succeed.  Later, he talked about football once again when he said, “Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons”. Limbaugh also once referred to New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner as a “cracker who made African-Americans millionaires”.  Remember when he said, “The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies”? How about when he told an African American female caller to his show to, “Take that bone out of your nose and call me back”? Limbaugh even played a song on his radio show titled “Barack the Magic Negro,” sung to the tune of “Puff the Magic Dragon”.

Taking all of the above into consideration, perhaps Rush Limbaugh’s most recent personal attacks against President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama are the finest example yet of the pot calling the kettle black.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The No No Song song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yi5ZB1ZZCEg

THE HO HO SONG

(sung to the Ringo Starr song “The No No Song”)

A doctor that I know just came from the pharmacy
He smiled at Rush and opened up his hand
Then he held out some Oxycontin tablets
He said they were the finest in the land

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
My back is feeling really damn sore
If I say please
Can I have more of these
My habit has become really hardcore

A friend of Rush Limbo who wears a hat made of tin
Came on the show and opened up his hand
When he revealed twelve tablets of Vicodin
Rush was so happy he performed handstands

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
I always come to you for a score
Without more of these
I’m in a cold-turkey freeze
And ditto-heads need someone to adore

(racist rant break)

A ditto-head I know said he could make organs grow
He smiled and said Rush would not need his hand
Then he gave him some blue Viagra pills, Oh
And said that things will rise upon command

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
My love life has become such a chore
Please, pretty please
I’m flying overseas
The boys there like it when it hits the floor

Yes, Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
I just love the drug store
Painkillers, Viagra and much more
It’s such a tease
All of those varieties
I’ll grab a bunch and head right out the door.

McCain Says, “Take That, Sarah!!!”

The bad news for Sarah Palin just keeps piling up. Palin’s series of unfortunate events seems to have been triggered by her sniper-sight symbol-laden map and the subsequent Tucson massacre. As the result of her specifically having targeted Gabrielle Giffords in that ill-conceived ad, Sarah Palin will now forever be linked to that tragedy. Since the day of the shootings, everything has gone down hill for the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska.

First, she made things worse for herself when she unsuccessfully attempted to rehabilitate her image by means of a self-produced video which is now known as her “I Was The Real Victim Of The Tucson Shooting” speech. That was quickly followed by the release of a CBS/New York Times poll of registered voters which revealed that Palin now has only a 19% “favorable” rating. Then she was crushed by Mitt Romney in the New Hampshire straw poll despite the fact that it was heavily attended by Tea Partiers. She suffered further Tea Party disgrace when moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann was chosen to present the “official” Tea Party response to the President’s State of the Union Address. In an attempt to reclaim some Tea Bagger street cred, Palin then gave her own response to the SOTUA but made a fool of herself by misstating Soviet history and further embarrassed herself with her oft-repeated “WTF” quip. Next, her reality television show was canceled. She then suffered the indignity of having the National Enquirer reveal that her husband cheated on her with an Alaskan prostitute. Immediately thereafter, she was reduced to a sex object when actor Tracy Morgan referred to her as “good masturbation material’.

Well, that is certainly more than most educationally-challenged, violent rhetoric-spewing, death-panel fabricating, mid-term quitting politicians could handle. Fate however, was not through with raining more bad luck down upon Sarah Palin. Her former running mate, John McCain announced yesterday that he will not endorse Sarah Palin should she choose to run for President in 2012. Politico reports that when asked about a 2012 endorsement in the Republican primary, McCain said, “I think I’m staying out of this for the first time in many years.” The non-vote of confidence is not all that surprising in that McCain is fully aware of all the negative things Palin has had to say about the 2008 McCain campaign. He is also sure to remember that Palin tried to steal his moment on election night in 2008 by attempting to give her own concession speech. Nonetheless, if any potential candidate was relying on McCain’s endorsement, it was the Queen of Quit. After all, it was McCain who almost placed her in the position of being merely a heartbeat away from the presidency three years ago. Perhaps then, this is McCain’s way of apologizing to America.

GO PACK, GO !!!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1xR8PYDqMg

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Sarah Palin’s Battle Hymn Of The Teapublic

"Gosh darn, I smudged my crib-notes while massaging Todd!"

It has been awfully quiet on the Palin-front since the National Enquirer published its “First Dude In A Kinky Mood” story late last week. To date, there has been no Sarah Palin response to that embarrassing tale. Indeed, all we have heard from the Queen of Quit is that she will be speaking at some Christian school in Texas and we read her possibly ghost-written book-report about the lifeguard days of Ronald Reagan which appeared in The USA Today. Oh yes, we also learned that she was crushed by Mit(wit) Romney in the New Hampshire straw poll. When will the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska emerge from her den to reveal if her shadow will doom us to 6 more weeks of silence? Sarah, come out, come out wherever you are!

Other than “Massage-Gate”, the only entertaining thing to emerge about Sarah Palin in the last week or so is that video of the two crazy Palinistas performing their re-working of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” (see below) which has been drawing a ton of interest on Youtube. You can only work with what material you have, so please enjoy this re-re-working of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” in true Lynnrockets fashion.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Sarah Palin’s Hymn song video: 

SARAH PALIN’S HYMN (LYNNROCKETS’ VERSION)

(sung to the “Battle Hymn Of The Republic”)

She’s a moonbat from Alaska
She has a ten foot fence
She’s not a Harvard lawyer cuz she has no common sense
A jack-ass from the North
For which we can blame Johnnie Mack
Palin and her Tea Party are always on attack

Sarah Palin should be locked up in a trunk
Sarah Palin talks just like a skid-row drunk
Sarah Palin is such an epic fail
And when she reads her palm it’s like a blind girl without Braille

Sarah has the wisdom of a crack-head sidewalk whore
Keeps throwing out “Ya Betchas” in her “Mama Grizzly” roar
She is known to substitute her lies for certain facts
Palin and the Tea Party are just a bunch of hacks

Sarah Palin, her election hopes are sunk
Sarah Palin’s “death panel” lies were debunked
Sarah Palin, she spells just like Dan Quayle
Her dreams of seeing Washington have all now been derailed

Spoken:
Palin’s White House dreams are now nightmares from the past
But Tina Fey and company would have had a blast
Now she’ll ride off with Todd on his brand new Ski-Doo
Sarah’s rosy lips will turn blue and cold
If Palin ever gave us anything,
It was just a great big case of heartburn, Sarah knows.

(Really awkward pause)

Sarah’s now long gone….

Closing Dedication:
“I’d like to dedicate this to Tom Brady and the Patriots!!!”

Palin and Johnston Have The Wedding Bell Blues

Wedding Bell Blues

Let us return now to those halcyon days of 21st century Wasilla, Alaska where Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are happily planning their wedding. Oh wait a second. What was that, things are not so copacetic in Wasilla these days? There’s poutin’ in Palinville? There’s sobbing in Sarahtown? There’s weeping in Weddingburgh? Please, tell us more.

OK then, here’s the skinny. Last week we learned through The National Enquirer that Levi Johnston (unwed father of Bristol Palin’s baby) may be the father of another child. It is alleged that the mother is one of his ex-girlfriends named Lanesia Garcia. To add insult to injury, it appears that Lanesia was formerly one of Bristol’s BFF’s. That would be enough to break-up most other on-again off-again wedding engagements but wait, this is the Palin Clan we’re talking about. There’s more.

A source has told E! News that the break up is, instead, over Levi’s ex-girlfriend, Briana Plum. “There was an interview with her and Bristol wasn’t happy about some of the things said,” the source tells E! News. “There was also some picture on Facebook of him and Briana, and Bristol allegedly just said, “Let’s hold off on the engagement”. The Boston Herald (Enquirer) reports that as a result of the alleged philandering, Bristol and Levi are only communicating via text messages at the moment. How very Paninesque. Perhaps this is a new strain of text-ticular cancer.

There is however, one person that must be thrilled with the break-up of the tabloid teens. It has been widely reported that Sarah Palin, the half term ex-quitting governor of Alaska, is contemplating a 2012 run for the Presidency. If such is the case, she could do without the continuing saga which would be certain to follow the unification of the Palin Hillbillies and the Johnston Bunch. On the other hand, if Levi is on the outs again, there is nothing to stop him from publishing his revenge inspired tell-all tome about the Palins. Oh, the suspense is delicious.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Honky Cat song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW7H6iohAb8&feature=fvst

HOCKEY DAD

(sung to the Elton John song “Honky Cat”)

When I look back, boy I just wanna scream
Why’d we run that story in US Magazine
Levi’s a romancer, he was never all mine
Although we had some shitty fights, money made us blind

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Better get back to the woods”
“There is no pay-day with your redneck ways”
“And, Umm, umm, umm, umm”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

“Ya better get back, hockey dad”
“Livin’ in Wasilly ain’t where it’s at”
“You keep tryin’ to find gold in this life of mine”
“You been getting’ real frisky,     Ohh”
“With a few friends of mine”

Well we’re in mom’s books and we’re in some magazines
The world knows we were nothin’ but two pregnant teens
And all my folks back home well, know I am a fool
They said, “Oh please tell us dear Lord, why did she quit school?”

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Levi, you’re really no good”
“With your drunkin’ days and your cheatin’ ways”
“And, Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

(instrumental break)

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Levi, you’re just sportin’ wood”
“You must think I’m crazed, livin’ in a haze”
“And, Oh, oh, oh, oh”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

You gave me the bone, boy and tried to win my heart
You are just a pretty boy, that’s poking every tart
But mom thinks your gay, yes she told me so
Why when you were on top, I should have said, “NO”

“You better get back, hockey dad”
“Better start wearin’ a hood”
“Cuz it’s not a phase, all your cheatin’ ways”
“And  ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, oh, the change is gonna do me good”

“Ya better get back, hockey dad”
“Livin’ in Wasilly ain’t where it’s at”
“You keep tryin’ to find gold in this life of mine”
“You been getting’ real frisky,     Ohh”
“With a few friends of mine”

Oh yeah…

Get back hockey dad, get back hockey dad, get back, Oooh
Get back hockey dad, get back hockey dad, get back, Oooh

Sarah Palin: The Tabloid Schizoid

Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.

Remember when this happened during the Katie Couric/ Sarah Palin televised interview in September 2008?


Boy, did we learn a lot about the quitting ex-governor’s reading habits and news sources that day. It appeared at the time as if she could not remember the names of any accredited newspapers or periodicals that she regularly read. She was asked to be specific but she simply chose to give some general evasive answer involving Alaskans’ ability to access news sources. Now in retrospect however, it appears that she was not suffering from a momentary memory lapse, but was rather trying to hide the actual literature (and we use that term loosely) that she does in fact read.

In  Vanity Fair magazine there was an expose by former future son-in-law Levi Johnston about Sarah Palin. And it was not flattering. The article was titled, Me and Mrs. Palin and included a segment in which Johnston explained the erstwhile journalism major’s reading habits as follows:

“Once in a blue moon, I’d see her reading a book, and I’ve never even seen her read a newspaper in my life. The Frontiersman and the Anchorage Daily News were always there in the morning, but the only one who looked through them was Todd.”

There it is, she does not read newspapers. Inasmuch as Johnston has revealed that she shops at Walmart and eats at Taco Bell, it is not much of a stretch to assume that she reads only People, Us, The National Enquirer and The Star. Please Sarah, the next time that someone asks you that question, answer it honestly and in detail or it may come back to haunt you…again.

Luckily for us, this week the tabloids have focused on Palin and her family again. this time it is the National Enquirer that shines the unflattering spotlight on the Alaska Disastah. The title of the article is Palin’s Boozy Wild Child and here are some excerpts:

Sarah Palin’s got another Wasilla wild child on her hands  – 15-year-old daughter Willow who’s running with the “wrong crowd”.

Big sister Bristol made headlines with her out-of-wedlock pregnancy, and now Willow has been named as a participant in a teenage booze bash that got out of hand, say sources.

“Willow has been running with the wrong crowd,” confides a friend. “They are a popular high school clique known as the Colony Girls, who are well known as hard partiers and are regularly involved in underage drinking and smoking dope.”

In July 2009, Willow was photographed slamming back a bottle of vodka at a Juneau house party. “Sarah was fuming when that photo of Willow was published,” said the friend.

Her older sister Bristol scandalized her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska, as a dope-smoking underage drinker and party girl. At 17, she announced she was pregnant – by hunky Levi Johnston whose mother was later sent to jail for pushing drugs.

Bristol,  who gave birth to baby Tripp in December 2008, later organized an much ballyhooed advocacy group to prevent teen pregnancy.

Track, meanwhile, has had drug problems in the past, and was addicted to the painkiller OxyContin before shipping off to Iraq.

The former Alaska governor – who ran for vice president on a family values platform – is upset that Willow’s wild behavior could cause her embarrassment as she promotes her new gig as Fox News commentator.

“Right now, Sarah’s trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug,” the source said.

Juicy stuff.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets


Today’s song parody explores Sarah Palin’s relationship with the press. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Sunday Papers song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5r1ub00btE&feature=related

SUNDAY PAPERS

(sung to the Joe Jackson song “Sunday Papers”)

Palin doesn’t go out anymore
Just sits at home and winks and blinks her eyes
But every weekend through the door
We get to learn what she would like to hide

If you want to know about her daughter on the mattress
If you want to know who SarahPAC are
If you wonder why the Palins are such mad-hatters
You can read it in the Sunday papers, Sunday papers

Sarah’s big hair isn’t hers at all
She watches cartoons when the tv’s on
Whenever Meg Stapleton calls
We’ll know the facts when Sunday comes along

If you want to know why Sarah P. went bonkers
If you want to know where the children are
If you want to know about her donor suckers
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Dinner dates on Ebay now I guess
Will it be Taco Bell or reindeer stew
Palin’s got something against the press
They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true

If you want to know how she paid for her kitchen (yeah!)
If you want to know where campaign gifts are
If you want to know the next job that she’ll be quittin’
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
(repeat to fade)

Sarah Palin, Queen Of The Tabloids

Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.

Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.

Remember when this happened during the Katie Couric/ Sarah Palin televised interview in September 2008?

Boy, did we learn a lot about the quitting ex-governor’s reading habits and news sources that day. It appeared at the time as if she could not remember the names of any accredited newspapers or periodicals that she regularly read. She was asked to be specific but she simply chose to give some general evasive answer involving Alaskans’ ability to access news sources. Now in retrospect however, it appears that she was not suffering from a momentary memory lapse, but was rather trying to hide the actual literature (and we use that term loosely) that she does in fact read.

In this month’s issue of Vanity Fair magazine there is an expose by former future son-in-law Levi Johnston about Sarah Palin. And it ain’t flattering. The article is titled, Me and Mrs. Palin and there is a segment in which Johnston explains the journalism major’s reading habits as follows:

“Once in a blue moon, I’d see her reading a book, and I’ve never even seen her read a newspaper in my life. The Frontiersman and the Anchorage Daily News were always there in the morning, but the only one who looked through them was Todd.”

There it is, she does not read newspapers. Inasmuch as Johnston has revealed that she shops at Walmart and eats at Taco Bell, it is not much of a stretch to assume that she reads only People, Us, The National Enquirer and The Star. Please Sarah, the next time that someone asks you that question, answer it honestly and in detail. Enquiring minds want to know.

Today’s song parody explores Sarah Palin’s relationship with the press. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Sunday Papers song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5r1ub00btE&feature=related

SUNDAY PAPERS

(sung to the Joe Jackson song “Sunday Papers”)

Palin doesn’t go out anymore
Just sits at home and winks and blinks her eyes
But every weekend through the door
We get to learn what she would like to hide

If you want to know about her daughter on the mattress
If you want to know who SarahPAC are
If you wonder why the Palins are such mad-hatters
You can read it in the Sunday papers, Sunday papers

Sarah’s big hair isn’t hers at all
She watches cartoons when the tv’s on
Whenever Meg Stapleton calls
We’ll know the facts when Sunday comes along

If you want to know why Sarah P. went bonkers
If you want to know where the children are
If you want to know about her donor suckers
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Dinner dates on Ebay now I guess
Will it be Taco Bell or reindeer stew
Palin’s got something against the press
They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true

If you want to know how she paid for her kitchen (yeah!)
If you want to know where campaign gifts are
If you want to know the next job that she’ll be quittin’
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
(repeat to fade)