Blog Archives

Slow News Day Musing

Question: What of interest is going on in the world of political news today? Answer: Nothing!

We never thought it would happen, but as of noon EST, nothing truly noteworthy or parody-worthy is happening. Could it be that everyone is simply waiting to hear what President Barack Obama will say in his State of the Union Address this evening? Are all of the members of Congress simply too nervous about which member of the opposing party they might be seated next to at the speech? Has every newsworthy person suddenly fallen into hibernation? As legendary Green Bay Packer coach Vince Lombardi once famously shouted from the sideline, “What the hell is going on out here!” What you don’t remember that? Well, today is a slow day, so here it is:

OK then, now that we have our obligatory Green Bay Packer reference out of the way for another day, we can move on. Speaking of move-on, even MoveOn.org is quiet today. The progressive group’s only interest today is if the President will mention Social Security in his SOTUA. Heck, even Media Matters and Newshounds were forced to comment on the same non-story. You know, the one where Fox News hosts state emphatically that their network never compares those on the left to Nazi’s, and then the progressive blogosphere provides about one hundred examples of Fox hosts and guests doing exactly that. This lack of news makes one wonder if even Sarah Palin has elected to assist the “lamestream” media with their vow of a Palin-free February by starting to do nothing noteworthy as early as late January. The only thing the usually controversial Queen of Quit has done in the last 48 hours was to appear at a fundraiser for a christian school in Lubbock, Texas which was, of course, closed to the press. Speaking of Lubbock, Texas, did you folks know that that is where Buddy Holly was from? Just who was Buddy Holly you might ask?

Alright then, now we have our obligatory Buddy Holly reference also out of the way. Do any of you folks have any buddies that might be of interest? If so, please let us know because we are bored. Does it show? Speaking of shows, does anybody else out there other than NSWFM like the HBO show “MadMen”? We do. Here is a clip:

A lot like a law firm I formerly worked with. Oh well, here is a Sarah Palin song parody to take us through to tonight’s big speech.

Remember to click on the song link below to have more fun singing along. 

Brown Eyed Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG8Ect3Xn7w

FOUR EYED GIRL

(sung to the Van Morrison song “Brown Eyed Girl”)

Hey where did she go,
Days when the snow came
Way down in Juneau,
Playin’ the blame game,
Winkin’ and a blinkin’, hey, hey
Oil should be a pumpin’
With those rimless glasses on and
Sarah campaign stumpin’, oh,
My four eyed girl,
You, my four eyed girl.

Whatever happened
To Wooten and Stambaugh
Did they not toe the line
Forcing Sarah to let them go
Standing in her office laughing,
Hiring her old friends from school
Fibbin’ and a lying
Playin’ citizens as fools, were you
My four eyed girl
You, my four eyed girl

Do you remember when she used to sing…
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Just like that
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
La Ti Da

She has lots of legal bills
And they make her whine and moan
She’ll be turnin’ to booze and pills
Unless she gets a loan
Someone’s gotta help her, Lord
Could it be the good Ol’ SarahPac
Defense fund could save her ass
And fill her wallet too, oh you
My four eyed girl
You, my four eyed girl

Do you remember when she used to sing…
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Sha la la la la la la la la la…

Glenn Beck And Child Pornography? Who Knew?

Watching Glenn Beck’s mental stability deteriorate before our very eyes is like viewing the aftermath of a terrible car accident. It is disgusting and revolting yet somehow simultaneously compelling. The gore and stench is vomit-inducing, yet we continue to bear with it so that we can viscerally experience the full ugly scene. Nevertheless, when the carnage and debris is finally carted away, the spectacle is quickly forgotten and we resume our daily lives. Let’s hope that is the way that the Glenn Beck meltdown plays out. It will be best for America if Glenn Beck is remembered as a momentary disaster from which most of us emerged unscathed.

Fox News should someday be embarrassed by the fact that it marketed Glenn Beck as a serious voice in the realm of political discourse. This raving, crying man-baby should never have been offered the opportunity to broadcast his uber-conservative conspiracy theories to the nationwide masses without prefacing each show with one of those “The views and opinions of Glenn Beck should in no way be considered as representative of those of a sane person” disclaimers. After all, his college career lasted all of one course. Not one year or one semester mind you, ONE COURSE. If that were not enough to disqualify him from being considered a qualified news source, consider his multiple marriages and confessed drug and alcohol addiction as an indication of his lack of self control and commitment. Beck is also the guy who went on national television and reported that President Obama has “a deep-seated hatred for white people.” He is clearly unhinged and the “hatred for white people” comment initiated a massive and continuing advertiser boycott of his program.

During the last week, Beck’s witch-hunt has been directed at billionaire George Soros, the straw-man demon of all conservatives. Soros of course, is the Jewish Holocaust survivor,  businessman and notable philanthropist focused on supporting liberal ideals and causes. He played a significant role in the peaceful transition from communism to capitalism in Hungary and provided Europe’s largest-ever higher education endowment to Central European University in Budapest. In the United States, he is known for donating large sums of money in an effort to defeat President George W. Bush’s bid for re-election in 2004. He was an initial donor to the Center for American Progress, and he continues to support the organization through the Open Society Foundations. He contributes to such fact-checking and political myth debunking entities as MoveOn.org and MediaMatters.org.

By virtue of his philanthropy and liberal agenda, George Soros is considered a dangerous enemy by Fox News as a whole and Glenn Beck in particular. So how does Beck counter Soros? Easy, he does it by lying and twisting the laws of physics in such a way that he labels the Jewish Holocaust survivor as an anti-semitic Holocaust collaborator. Beck went so far as to suggest that Soros helped “send the Jews” to “death camps” during the Holocaust. Beck said that Soros had “to go and confiscate the property of your fellow Jews” during the Holocaust.

Becks blatantly false accusations against Soros led to widespread condemnation from prominent Jewish leaders and Holocaust survivors. Anti-Defamation League national director Abraham H. Foxman called the comments “completely inappropriate, offensive and over the top,” as well as “unacceptable” and “horrific.” Elan Steinberg, vice president of the the American Gathering of Jewish Holocaust Survivors and Their Descendants, called the Beck accusations “monstrous.” And Simon Greer, president of the Jewish Funds for Justice, said that Beck had “deliberately and grotesquely mischaracterize[d]” Soros’ experience and engaged in “a form of Holocaust revisionism.”

Truth be told, Soros was thirteen years old in March 1944 when Nazi Germany occupied Hungary. Soros worked for the Jewish Council, which had been established during the Nazi occupation of Hungary to forcibly carry out Nazi and Hungarian government anti-Jewish measures. Soros later described this time to writer Michael Lewis:

The Jewish Council asked the little kids to hand out the deportation notices. I was told to go to the Jewish Council. And there I was given these small slips of paper…It said report to the rabbi seminary at 9 a.m….And I was given this list of names. I took this piece of paper to my father. He instantly recognized it. This was a list of Hungarian Jewish lawyers. He said, “You deliver the slips of paper and tell the people that if they report they will be deported.”

In 1944, at age 14, Soros lived with and posed as the godson of an employee of the Hungarian Ministry of Agriculture. On one occasion, the official was ordered to inventory the remaining contents of the estate of a wealthy Jewish family that had fled the country. Rather than leave the young George alone in the city, the official brought him along. Soros was merely a young boy attempting to stay alive by hiding his identity. He never confiscated any property. He was merely a bystander on that one occasion.

When Glenn Beck finally realized what a firestorm of contempt he had ignited with his false accusations, he immediately went on the defensive. He concocted a brand new fictitious conspiracy in which he claims that he will be falsely accused of something of which he is not guilty (or is he?) as a means of liberal revenge. He said this on his radio program:

“I thought about this morning as I was saying my prayers this morning, and I was reading Psalms, I thought to myself, ‘I’m glad my children will always know the truth.’ And I thought of all the things they could possibly say—the greatest thing I have going for me is I have no lies in my life. I don’t have lies in my life. I— I— I—I—I’m—I pay my income tax. I—I—I pay my bills. I’m honest in all of my business dealings. I try to be a good guy. I’m not always a good guy. I try to be a good guy. I try to be a good parent. I—I don’t drink; I don’t take drugs. I—uhh—you know—I’m not—I’m not into ch—I’m not even into—I was going to say I’m not into child pornography. I’m not only not into child pornography, I’m not into pornography. So, no matter what you read about me—no matter what you read about me, umm, in the coming months, or whenever, that’s fine. I really—I mean—I can’t imagine what they’re gonna—but they have to say something. There has to be something fabricated about me. Has to be! You just can’t let this juggernaut go as we’re changing everything because I’m rolling dude heavy.”

Hey Glenn, just because you are paranoid does not mean that they are not out to get you! But jeesh, child pornography? What’s up with that? Sounds to us like maybe you are already setting up some sort of alibi. Why is it that with ultra-conservatives it always comes down to some sort of illicit sex scandal? You know, like “Diaper” Dave Vitter and his prostitutes, Larry “Loo” Craig and his foot tapping men’s room escapade, Mark Sanford “and Son” and his South of the Border soirees and Sarah Palin and her sex-targeted children just to name a few? But child pornography, Glenn? How low can you go?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Fool On The Hill song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KXrrh74wTs&feature=related

THE FOOL WHO KNOWS NIL

(sung to the Beatles song, “The Fool On The Hill”)

Day after day
He gives us a chill
Glenn Beck is crying again
Let’s watch his eyes start to fill

And nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he has not one good answer
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

George Soros stares him down
And Glenn’s face grows bright red
As his head spins around

Glenn’s head today,
Filled up with sound
Beck’s head hears a thousand voices
Screaming nonsense so loud

Everybody wants to jeer him
For the weeping that he does fake
Yet Glenn never seems to notice
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s a dim-witted clown
In need of some strong meds
Beck’s off to crazy-town

(musical interlude)

And nobody seems to like him
It looks like he’s back on the booze
Or maybe he’s back drug dealing
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Nobody listens to him
They know that he’s a fool
They don’t like him
The fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Oh …

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 33

Just a few noteworthy news satelites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Rush To Judgment” features conservative radio comedian Rush Limbaugh. He blamed the labor union for failing to fight for protections for the 29 miners that were killed when Massey Energy’s mine in Montcoal, WV exploded under unsafe conditions. That mine’s owners had been sited for some 50 safety violations during the month prior to the tragedy. Limbaugh said,

Was there no union responsibility for improving mine safety? Where was the union here? Where was the union? The union is generally holding these companies up demanding all kinds of safety. Why were these miners continuing to work in what apparently was an unsafe atmosphere?

Umm, Rush, this was a non-union mine. When the employees tried to unionize, they were threatened with losing their jobs! But don’t let the facts get in the way. Limbaugh also announced that more than 30,000 people attended the Tea-Party rally on Boston Common when no other estimates exceeded 5000.

THIS JUST IN:  The Commonwealth of Massachusetts announced this week that it will penalize large national banks that do not lower credit card interest rates for consumers. The Washington Post reports, “State Treasurer Timothy Cahill said the state has removed Bank of America, Citi and Wells Fargo from a list of institutions approved for new state investments. Massachusetts, which is the only state to make such a move, is also beginning to divest $243 million in funds held at those banks, though the process could take up to six months.” Massachusetts’ action, “has reignited advocacy groups that support creating a national usury law after a 1978 Supreme Court decision found that interest rate caps could apply only to state-chartered lenders. As a result, many banks moved their headquarters to states with looser usury laws, such as Delaware, allowing them to bypass limits set in other states.” Massachusetts law caps interest rates at 18 percent. “Last week, state officials met with officials from Bank of America, where Massachusetts has $231 million in investments, to request that it meet that cap for state residents. When the bank declined, Cahill said, his office decided it would shift the funds into other accounts. Massachusetts also has $9 million invested with Citi and $3 million with Wells Fargo.” Good for you, Massachusetts.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s edition of “They’re So Crazy They’re Dangerous” features the Oklahoma Tea Party leaders who are petitioning state legislators to create, “a new volunteer militia to help defend against what they believe are improper federal infringements on state sovereignty.” You read that correctly, the Tea-Baggers want to legally arm themselves to fight a war against the United States’ Military. I thought the Tea-Baggers honored the troops. Guess not. Who knew?

THIS JUST IN:  Mediamatters.org reports, “A New York Times poll has revealed that a majority of ‘Tea Party supporters’ named Fox News as the television network they ‘watch most for information about politics and current events.’ It should come as little surprise then that the tea party supporters polled also held positions that reflect misinformation pushed by Fox News on a variety of topics including socialism and the federal budget deficit.”

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s edition of “It Is Great To Be Patriotic” features Republican Senator, moonbat crazy Michele Bachmann (Turner Overdrive), who said on a radio talk show this week, “We’re, we’re, we’re hoping that President Obama’s policies don’t succeed.”

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “He Must Have Forgotten To Take His Medication” features Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch who surprisingly demanded that television host Sean Hannity return immediately from a planned appearance on behalf of the Tea-Party because Fox News should not be supporting the movement. Murdoch said, “I don’t think we should be supporting the Tea Party or any other party.” Well then, what will they have left to talk about? Our guess is that Fox may finally have realized that the Tea-Party support may reflect badly on the network’s ratings.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s edition of “I Simply Cannot Stop Lying” features Fox News host Bill O”Reilly. He denied Republican Senator Tom Coburn’s charge that Fox News hosts have suggested that citizens could be thrown in jail if they do not buy health insurance after passage of the new health reform law. Let’s check the video…

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

The Who’s Baba O’Reilly (Teenage Wasteland) song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ik_K3s7B2A

BLAH, BLAH O’REILLY

(sung to The Who song “Baba O’Reilly [Teenage Wasteand])

Out here on the air
Unbalanced, not fair
I earn my pay with all my fibbing
My show really bites
Just watch tonight
I’ll be on your television

Don’t cry
Don’t hide your eyes
It’s only Bill-O’s Wasteland

Coulter, take my hand
We’re in Fox News Land
We all are liars
“Pinheads” on our shoulders
The Exorcist is here
He’ll drive out all the queers
Dressed all in leather
They could not get much bolder

Bill-O’s Wasteland
It’s only Bill-O’s Wasteland
Bill-O’s Wasteland
It’s only Bill-O’s Wasteland
They’re all wasted

(classic Who musical harmonica fade-out)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 22

We’re Baaaaaaaaaaack. Just of few noteworthy news bits and comments thereon from this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: The U.S. Senate passed its version of a health care reform bill on Christmas Eve and this is how a typically irrational Tea-Bagger responds:

‘Nuff said.

THIS JUST IN: Moonbat Minnesotan Michele Bachmann has been exposed once again. No, not pictorially thank goodness. The uber-conservative socialism hating Republican Senator that rails against all forms of health care reform and foreclosure mitigation which might impede upon the perfection of the free market has been caught with her hand in the socialist cookie jar. TruthDig.com reports that Ms. Bachmann’s family farm has collected over $ 251,973.00 in socialized government farm subsidies since 1995. Just another example of a Republican imploring citizens to “do as I say, not as I do”.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s edition of “I Don’t Know What The F_ _ _ I’m Talking About”, we also feature Michele Bachmann. At a Tea-Bagger rally in Washington D.C. last week, the historically challenged Republican Senator, in an attempt to whip up the crowd, compared the Tea-Bagger movement to “The Charge of the Light Brigade”. Bachmann was apparently unaware that “The Charge of the Light Brigade” was a poem written by Lord Tennyson to commemorate a moment in the 1854 Crimean War, when British officers misdirected more than 600 troops into an area known as the Valley of Death to face 25,000 Russians. There were hundreds of casualties, the British officers were disgraced, and the Russians won the day. Like Sarah Palin, did Bachmann also attend the University of Idaho?

THIS JUST IN: Media Matters For America has just awarded Fox News host Glenn Beck its “Misinformer Of The Year Award”.

When he wasn’t calling the president a racist, portraying progressive leaders as vampires who can only be stopped by “driv[ing] a stake through the heart of the bloodsuckers,” or pushing the legitimacy of seceding from the country, Beck obsessively compared Democrats in Washington to Nazis and fascists and “the early days of Adolf Hitler.” He wondered, “Is this where we’re headed,” while showing images of Hitler, Stalin, and Lenin; decoded the secret language of Marxists; and compared the government to “heroin pushers” who were “using smiley-faced fascism to grow the nanny state.”


BREAKING NEWS: In response to PolitiFact.com deeming her “death panels” comment to be the biggest lie of 2009, Sarah Palin has scoffingly posted on Facebook against “Nancy Pelosi and friends who have tried to call ‘death panels’ the ‘lie of the year.’ “. Can this former ex-quitting governor of Alaska ever get her facts straight? If she is going to counter that one of her comments has been awarded the dubious distinction of being “the biggest lie of 2009″, shouldn’t she be aware that it was PolitiFact.com that bestowed the award and not Nancy Pelosi? What a maroon!

THIS JUST IN: A CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey released last Wednesday indicates that a  majority of Americans, 51 percent, believe that the Democrats’ policies are good for the country. By contrast, 53 percent of people questioned in the poll say that the GOP’s polices would move the nation in the wrong direction. It is obvious that the Tea-Baggers are not as voluminous as they want everyone to think, nor are they very influential.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “The Numbers Don’t Lie Like Sarah Palin” features the obstructionist Republican Party. We now have proof-positive that the G.O.P. is the “Party of No”. People For The American Way reports:

So far, GOP foot dragging has forced the Senate leadership to file 67 cloture petitions and forced cloture votes on 38 occasions [1] .  Those numbers, while high, aren’t yet on pace to break the record set by the GOP in the last Congress of 139 motions filed and 112 forced votes.  But what is remarkable is that, of those 38 votes forced this year, cloture was invoked 34 times.

That means a full 89% of the time, the cloture vote did nothing but delay the inevitable—a huge increase from the previous high of 56%.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Help song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNcShXs_CMM

HELP

(sung to The Beatles song “Help”)

Help, Beck needs somebody
Help, not just anybody
Help, you know Glenn needs someone, help

When Beck was younger, so much younger than today
He would simply booze it up and toke his days away
But now those days are gone since Glenn Beck found the cure
Now it is the Racist Biz in which this small mouse roars

Help Beck if you can, for he may drown
And the President he hates for being brown
Help Glenn as his sponsorships go down
Won’t you please help Glenn B.

And now Glenn’s life has changed in oh so many ways
His advertisers have just vanished in the haze
First it was Geico and Men’s Wearhouse out the door
Now CVS has joined the rest, they’re pulling out for sure

Help Glenn if you can, his smile’s a frown
With all of his advertisers leaving town
How long will Fox News keep him around?
Won’t you please help Glenn B.

When Beck was stronger, way back when in his heyday
He never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now those days are gone and Glenn Beck is abhorred
Fox will find it’s in a bind if he’s not out the door

Help Beck if you can, he’ll make the rounds
His resumé will circulate from town to town
He might find employment as a clown

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 111 other followers