Daily Archives: January 26, 2011

Did We Just Witness The Dawning Of The Age Of Bachmann?

Have any of you noticed that former BFF’s Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are on a collision course? It is true. Those two moonbat-crazy Tea Baggers who just a short while ago could often be seen extolling eachother’s virtues in public, now nary mention a word of the other. It appears that they may now be engaged in a fight to the death battle for the Queenship of the Tea Party. It would also appear that Michele Bachmann is winning the fight.

Sarah Palin has long been the darling of the Tea Baggers. That was natural in that she and they shared an affinity for misspelling and the misunderstanding of such things as Medicare, the United States Constitution and a proper dress code (Naughty Monkey cork-heeled shoes or tri-cornered hat with powdered wig?). Palin truly spoke the language of the educationally-challenged and the Tea Baggers understood it. But something funny happened on the way to Tea Party stardom. Tea Partiers (and the American population as a whole) began to lose interest in the “Quitter on Twitter”. The first sign of this was when Palin’s favorabilty ratings began to drop in poll after poll. Next, her second ghost-written book did not sell nearly as well as her first and the corresponding cross-country book tour was not well attended by devotees. The final straw may have been her disastrous video response to the Tucson massacre. Even her co-workers at Fox News realized that her “The Real Victim Of The Tucson Shootings Was Me!” speech did not resonate well with anyone. Consequently, they invited her to an immediate soft-ball interview with Sean Hannity in an attempt to resurrect her credibility. Unfortunately (for her), that failed also, too. Shortly thereafter, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was crushed by Mitt(wit) Romney in a New Hampshire straw poll heavily attended by Tea Partiers. In short, it appears that the Tea Party has “refudiated” Sarah Palin.

During the entire period that Sarah Palin was basking in the national limelight, Michele Bachmann was busy building a base of her own. She shared all the same misguided beliefs and encouraged all the same ill-conceived policies as Palin, but she was not in everyone’s face all the time. She did not post a Facebook comment or Twitter tweet in response to any word uttered by Obama or the press. She did not appear in her own un-reality television series. Bachmann’s plan to capture the Tea Party crown was more conventional than Palin’s. She was already a Washington insider inasmuch as she is a three term Representative from Minnesota. She capitalized on her elected office by forming the Congressional “Tea Party Caucus”. She is also fruitcake-nutty enough to appeal to radical Tea Baggers. You might recall that she advocated for a McCarthyesque investigation of members of Congress to determine if they are anti-American. She heartily agreed with Sarah Palin regarding her “death panel” lie. She fell hook, line and sinker for an internet rumor that President Obama’s 2010 trip to Asia cost $200 miilion per day and that he would be accompanied by 34 warships. She said that teenagers should pay their employers for the privilege of working instead of receiving the minimum wage and she said that being gay is “part of Satan”. Like Palin’s sniper-sight symbolism, Bachmann also utilizes violent rhetoric such as when she said she wanted Minnesotans “armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back.” All of that is highly digestible stuff for the Tea Baggers.

As Palin’s star is fading however, Bachmann’s is rising. Like Palin, she has not denied that she is considering a run for the presidency in 2012. Indeed, she is planning to speak once again in the early primary state of Iowa. While Palin appears to have fallen into a state of hibernation following her Tucson misadventure, Bachmann has been pasting her visage on the television air-waves (or cables) on a near daily basis. Most telling of all however, is that it was Michele Bachmann (not Palin) that gave the Tea Party response to President Obama’s State of the Union Address last night. Mind you, she looked foolish and did a terrible job, but she was the face of the Tea Party at that important moment and it appears she will continue to be for the foreseeable future.

Let’s disect and analyze that speech a bit, shall we? First of all it was hilarious to see Bachmann looking at the wrong camera throughout. it looked as if she was not speaking to her Tea Bagger audience, but rather to some off camera stage worker. Her next trick was to mimic Glenn Beck by pulling out those charts. At that point I was just waiting for her to mention George Soros or ACORN. But really, it was the content of her response which was the most ridiculous. It was filled with outright falsehoods as well as exaggerations and half-truths. For instance, she said the “bureaucracy now tells us which light bulbs to buy and may put 16,500 IRS [tax] agents in charge of policing President Obama’s healthcare bill”. That is merely an old lie from last year’s mid-term elections which politics website Factcheck debunked as “partisan analysis based on guesswork and false assumptions, and compounded by outright misrepresentation”.

Better yet however, was when she falsely claimed in her recent Iowa speech that the founding fathers put an end to slavery. She said,

“the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States…Men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.”

Hmm, where to begin? First of all slavery was not abolished until 1865 which was well after the deaths of the founding fathers. Funnier still, was Bachmann’s failure to understand that John Quincy Adams was not a “founding father”. He was the son of John Adams. Apparently U.S. history is not all that important to a congresswoman that wants to lead the Tea Party. Then again, why should it be? Remember, it was the Tea Baggers that wanted the government to keep its hands out of the government-run Medicare program.

All that being said, we may have just witnessed the dawning of the age of Bachmann.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Two Of Us song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1Y3PlmwnRM


(sung to the Beatles song “Two Of Us”)

Two of us dying our hair
Spending someone’s hard earned pay
You and me both conniving
Numbers diving in all recent polls
Our brains out on loan
Just like Fred Flintstone
We are two clones

Two of us freakin’ retards
Signing book sleeves at the mall
Sending Twitter dispatches
Try and catch us as we mount our thrones
We have empty domes
Just watch our mouths foam
We love to drone

We both have short memories
Like a dead end road
There’s nothing in our heads

Two of us spewing misquotes
Stooping so low, having fun
Never reading the papers
Scheming capers on the telephone
From our pricey homes
In the twilight zone
We are two clones

We both have short memories
Like a dead end road
There’s nothing in our heads

Bachmann is casting “No” votes
Palin showboats with her guns
Both of them are just fakers
Trouble makers when they’re not at home
Whereabouts unknown
They’ll reap what they’ve sown
They are two clones

They are just two clones

Yes sir