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Sarah Palin: Spudnuts, Hookers, Masturbation And A Whole Lotta Stupid

See No Future, Hear No Future, Speak No Future

I think that we can feel confident in saying that Sarah Palin has jumped the shark. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “jump the shark” is generally defined as the point in time when a once popular person or thing begins to lose popularity and, in an attempt to regain its former status, veers off course and into the absurd never to recover again. The term originated during a 1977 episode of the once famously popular television sitcom, Happy Days. In that episode, the oh, so cool Fonzie, while water skiing (clad in leather motorcycle jacket and swim trunks) in California, performed a daredevil jump over a confined shark. Critics now refer to that moment as the single point in time when Happy Days hit rock bottom and never recovered. In other words, that was the moment in time when the show “jumped the shark.” Get it?

For those of you that still do not “get it”, let’s go to the tape shall we?

Ok, are we all on board now? Good. Let’s carry on.

Sarah Palin, the once popular Tea Party icon jumped the shark on January 8, 2011 when Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and 19 others were gunned down by a lunatic who was resorting to his “2nd Amendment remedies”. The previous March, Palin unveiled a very ill-conceived political ad which identified Ms. Giffords by name and placed a sniper-sight symbol over her congressional district. Palin’s ad proved to be eerily predictive of the Tucson massacre.

As the result of her ad and the ultimate shooting, Palin would now be linked to this brutally violent and senseless act forever. Her popularity began to sink. Her attempts at rehabilitating her image via a self-produced video statement (now known as the “I Was The Real Victim Of The Tucson Massacre” speech) and multiple softball interviews on Fox News (where else?) proved unsuccessful. Immediately after the failed rehab effort, all things Palin veered off course and into the absurd.

First she was snubbed by her very own Tea Party when moonbat-crazy Teapublican Michele Bachmann was selected to provide the official Tea Bagger response to President Obama’s State of the Union Address. Not to be out-shined by the emerging Bachmann star, Palin ran to good friend Greta Van Susteren over at Fox News (where else?) to provide her own SOTU retort. Needless to say, it was a doozy. She reinforced the emerging public opinion that, as Karl Rove said, “she lacks the gravitas” to be President when she resorted to the tasteless street lingo of “WTF” when referring to Obama’s oft repeated “Winning the Future” phrase. She then showed that she completely missed the President’s point that Americans should seize the opportunity to expand into the new fields of “green” industry so as to beat foreign nations to the punch when he called this a “sputnik moment”. She also proved (once again) that she has no grasp of history when she claimed that the Soviet sputnik mission drove the country into bankruptcy and subsequent collapse. That was a true “WTF” moment for Alsaka’s “space case”.

More absurdity came when Palin then segwayed into saying that what America needs is a “spudnut” moment. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was referring to a wildly successful donut shop in Washington state known as The Spudnut Shop. It goes without saying (but we will say it anyway) that the owners are friends of the Palin family. She implied that America must concentrate on small business development through less government taxation and regulation. Her analogy was well off base however, because despite what Palin considers to be an environment of far too much taxation and regulation, The Spudnut Shop is prospering. Apparently those taxes and regulation are not impeding the success of The Spudnut shop in the least. Another “WTF” moment for the Queen of Quit.

Next up, we had the National Enquirer breaking the story that Todd Palin was cheating on Sarah with an Alaskan masseuse/prostitute. Of course Sarah took to the Fox airwaves yet again to say that the Anchorage (AK) police have confirmed that no evidence exists which would implicate Todd in the involvement with a prostitution ring. But that is not the point. Nobody reported that her husband was involved in a prostitution ring. It was reported that Todd cheated on Sarah with a woman who happens to be a prostitute. This is a subtle yet very important difference.

Finally, there is the Tracy Morgan episode. The “30 Rock Star” stunned viewers when he appeared on the TNT Network‘s “Inside The NBA” broadcast on Thursday and made lewd remarks about Sarah Palin. Host Charles Barkley asked the funnyman, “Sarah Palin’s good looking, isn’t she?” prompting Morgan to reply, “Now let me tell you something about Sarah Palin man, she’s good masturbation material. The glasses and all that? Great masturbation material.” Morgan’s words are indefensible but they highlight the perception that Sarah Palin is no longer scene as a serious player in the political world. At least in one person’s opinion she has been reduced to a mere object of ridicule.

Lynnrockets’ proclaims that Sarah Palin has jumped the shark!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Happy Days TV theme song link:

Palin Days

(sung to the TV theme of “Happy Days”)

Sunday, Monday, Palin days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Palin days.
Thursday, Friday, Palin days.
The weekend’s here, that “Bridge to Nowhere”,
“Thanks But Not Thanks” to you.

She prays for hours. To be Big P.
She prays for hours. With the A.I.P.

Hello, “Joe Sixpack” she loves you, “Joe the Plumber” is her type too.
She did it with Todd, she did it with John. she feels like a “pig with lipstick” on!

Sunday, Monday, Palin days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Palin days.
Thursday, Friday, Palin days.
Saturday, Oh, Tina Fey,
I’ve been dreamin’ all week of you.

She prays for hours. “Caribou Barbie”.
She prays for hours. Who’ll tea-bag me?.

These Palin days, she did resign
These Palin days, she’s a punch-line, Palin days.