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Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on October 29, 2010. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s backing away from Delaware senate candidate Christine O’Donnell after it became apparent to everyone that O’Donnell was crazy.

Palin Is Bailin’ On Failin’ O’Donnell

It has been less than two months since Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Christine O’Donnell for Joe Biden’s former Delaware Senate seat. On September 8th, the “Queen of Quit” retweeted a tweet from conservative radio host Tammy Bruce to her over 200,000 alleged followers. The tweet said, “@ChristineOD is great, her election must [be] a major focus for us all.” Palin then officially broke the news by calling her Fox News “BFF” Sean Hannity. Hannity then quickly sent out a Twiiter tweet which said, “Thanks @SarahPalinUSA for the last minute call in. Endorsement of Christine O’Donnell was an exclusive. Said she hadn’t told Christine yet.” Immediately thereafter, O’Donnell tweeted, “Just got Gov. Palin’s endorsement! Thank you for your prayers!” Yikes, what a frightening love triangle comprised of Palin, conservative talk radio and O’Donnell.

But, a funny thing happened on the way to a joint Palin/O’Donnell campaign appearance. O’Donnell was exposed as an unqualified fool. The whole nation became aware of her “dabbling in witchcraft”, “satanic alter” picnics, masturbation ban, evolution denying, tax evasion, college degree mystery, campaign donation games and finally, her complete misunderstanding of the United States Constitution. Nevertheless, Sarah Palin is a stalwart, loyal and dedicated supporter of her “Mama Grizzlies”. So, what did she do to rehabilitate O’Donnell’s image? Nothing. She quietly faded from the scene and thus far has avoided any attempted joint public appearance.

Our advice to Christine O’Donnell? Don’t hold your breath. There are only 3 days left before the election and Sarah Palin has hitched her caboose to the “Tea Party Express Traveling Kool-Aid Show and Freak Emporium”, which will purposely steer well clear of the Blue Hen State. Palin has made it absolutely clear that O’Donnell is persona non grata (btw, for you G.O.P. readers, persona non grata means “an unwelcome person”).

This is not surprising. Sarah Palin changes her allegiances as often as she changes her Naughty Monkey heels. When is the last time you heard her mention Meg Stapleton, Ivy Frye, Kris Perry, Kristan Cole or even Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman for that matter? Palin is fickle and loves front-runners and unfortunately for O’Donnell, the flavor of the day is Joe “computer tampering” Miller and Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. Don’t believe it, Christine? Then try contacting Sarah by telephone and see if she will “get back to ya on that”!

Face it, Christine. You are on your own till Tuesday when you become a footnote in history. Here is a little advice until then. You might consider resisting the urge to don your lady-bug costume, get blasted and go on a manhunt this pre-election Halloween. You already carry enough baggage.

A Halloween to remember.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired parody.

Witchy Woman song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d8hZtvRPno

WITCHY WOMAN (O’DONNELL VERSION)

(sung to the Eagles song “Witchy Woman”)

Crazy stare on Bill Maher’s clips
She is one of Palin’s dips
O’Donnell is our delight
She’s a crazy Tea-Bagger that’s not too bright
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

I watched Bill Maher the other night
O’Donnell was so uptight
She said Charles Darwin was out of tune,
And his evolution theory was so untrue
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

(masturbation break with oohs and ahhhs)

She can’t seem to keep a lover,
Let me tell ya brother, she’s been sleeping in the Devil’s bed.
And there’s some rumors going round,
Polls are headed down
November will be the right time
To strike this witch dead

Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

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Tea Party Express Embarks On 5th Tragical Misery Tour

Beware!!!

A busload of crazy may be coming to a town near you in the next few weeks. That’s right folks, the Tea Party Express has kicked-off a nationwide bus tour ala Sarah Palin’s faux family vacation. Its first stop was Napa, California and it will make 29 more stops before concluding on September 10th in Tampa, Florida just in time for the CNN/Tea Party Express GOP presidential debate.

The Tea Party Express likes to bill itself as a grassroots movement of like minded conservatives. That is a fallacy. The organization is not in any way a grassroots movement, unless you prefer your grass to be rooted in the gleaming offices of a well established political consulting firm which also just happens to siphon off most of the Tea Party group’s donations. You see, the Tea Party Express is a tool created by the GOP political consulting firm known as Russo, Marsh and Rogers. According to Federal Election Commission filings, more than 75% of the money spent by the Tea Party Express, about $1 million out of $1.3 million spent, went to Russo, Marsh or King Media Group, which has close ties to Russo. How’s that for capitalism at work? The misinformed Tea Baggers have apparently been duped once again into supporting something that is contrary to their stated intentions.

At their first stop in Napa on Saturday, the wacky Tea Partiers (many dressed-up like George Washington with tea bags hanging from their tri-corner hats and 1 guy appropriately wearing a dunce cap) were met by several dozen protesters. CNN reports that the protesters were loudly chanting “Hey ho, hey ho, the Tea Party has got to go!” and “Tax the rich!”. One protest sign read, “The Tea Party- Trashing America and the Economy.” There was also a giant inflated rat peering over the fence at the Tea Baggers.

The next stop was Elko, Nevada but it was evident that the tour was already losing steam. The Elko Daily Free Press reported that only about 75 supporters cared enough to show up. That was probably the result of Nevadans hoping to avoid another embarrassing singing performance by former losing Tea Party candidate Sharron Angle. Angle, you may recall, was a darling of Sarah Palin who ran for a Nevada U.S. Senate seat and lost last year. She advocated the complete privatization of Medicare and Social Security and her job creation plan was summed up as follows: “As your U.S. Senator, I’m not in the business of creating jobs”. Like most self-interested Tea-Baggers, Angle also attempted to hawk her book on her victims, oops, I meant audience. Watch video of Angle singing as well as the other disturbing clips which the San Francisco Chronicle has posted:  http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/nov05election/detail?entry_id=96305

Yikes!

But really, what did we expect from the Tea Baggers? They are the most confused and misinformed group of people since the “birthers”. Oh wait a second, they were the “birthers”. In any event, let’s just take a look at their positions on some of the issues of the day. All through 2010 and prior to the passage of the new health care law, they ran around shouting and carrying misspelled signs with the message “Leave My Medicare Alone” and “Keep Govt. Out Of My Medicare”. Nevermind the fact that the health care law had nothing to do with Medicare or that the program is 100% government run. They then proceeded to support a number of Tea Party candidates in the mid-term elections who, once elected, immediately began trying to pass laws which would eliminate the Medicare program.

The Tea Partiers are also known for protesting higher taxes. The problem is, taxes are at their lowest level in over 60 years. Furthermore, President Obama has not not increased one single tax since being elected. Instead, he has actually cut taxes for 95% of working/ middle class Americans by means of his 2010 payroll tax decrease. They should be on their knees thanking President Obama and opposing the elected Tea Party members who are presently refusing to extend those tax cuts.

Anyway, over the next few weeks we are guaranteed a busload of laughs every time the Tea Party Express bus tour makes a stop.

All Aboard! Next stop, Cheyenne, WY followed by Lincoln and Omaha, NE and then Sioux City and Des Moines, IA.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIsnIt1p978

IT’S OUR TEA PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our tea party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you were in our zoo

Nobody knows just what planet we’re from
We have all lost our minds
But we will follow the plan
And misspell all of our signs

It’s our tea party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you looked like we do

Playin’ the race card because we’re all white
Swastikas define our style
When Glenn Beck’s eyes get teary
That just makes all of us smile

It’s our tea party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you were in our zoo

(misspelled sign making break)

Our Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
She tells us nothing but lies
We believe everything

It’s our tea party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you looked like we do

Oh, It’s our tea party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you were in our zoo

Oh, It’s our tea party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to…

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 73

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: The Washington Post reports John Ensign (R-NV) will retire rather than seek reelection in 2012, he announced Monday afternoon. The decision brings to an end a tumultuous several years that saw him go from one of the party’s rising stars to persona non grata. The retirement decision comes in the wake of an ongoing Senate ethics committee investigation into whether Ensign acted improperly in an extramarital affair with Cynthia Hampton, who worked for Ensign’s political committees and whose husband, Doug, was a top legislative staffer for Ensign. “There are consequences to sin,” Ensign declared at a news conference in Las Vegas. He said he did not want to put his family though an “exceptionally ugly” campaign. Democrats can only hope that whack-job Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle elects to run for this seat.

THIS JUST IN: For those of you that are not current on Vermont news, take note that by the next week, the House Health Care Committee will vote on a bill that authorizes the building blocks for a future single-payer health care system. You read that correctly. Vermont is actually working toward a health care system that progressives nation-wide would love for themselves. Keep up the good fight Vermont.

BREAKING NEWS: Last week we reported about the move afoot to recall Republican Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and several newly elected GOP state senators. This week we have learned that there is now a “Committee to Recall Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer” which has begun collecting signatures to begin the recall process. The moral of these stories? If you govern like a radical Tea-Bagger, you will not govern very long.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Family Values Republicans Acting Badly” features California State Senator Roy Ashburn (now known as “Assburn”). The radically anti-gay politician was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving after leaving a gay nightclub. There was an unidentified man in the passenger seat of the car. (Insert appropriate hypocrite analogy here).

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Who’s Wants To Be An Indicted Republican ?” stars Indiana Secretary of State Charlie White who was indicted this week on seven (7) felony counts including voter fraud, perjury and theft. White now joins other such noteworthy contestants as Tom Delay, Scooter Libby, Duke Cunningham and Roy Blunt.

THIS JUST IN: A Pro-Governor Scott Walker rally was held in Wisconsin this week. One of the featured speakers was the long-lost Joe the Plumber from McCain/Palin days. Joe apparently did not receive the memo about toning down violent rhetoric because he was ranting about “taking bullets for your children”. More interesting however, was the fact that only 600 people attended the rally. To put that paltry number in perspective. compare it to the more than 70,000 public union supporters attended the February 26th rally for that group. Who is more popular in Wisconsin?

BREAKING NEWS: President Barack Obama visited the city of Boston on Tuesday. He visited an innovative inner-city technical school known as TechBoston, mingled with the Boston Celtics and spoke at the Museum of Fine Arts. Most importantly however, he raised over $1 million for congressional Democrats.

THIS JUST IN: Magnitude 8.9 earthquake and tsunami hit Japan killing thousands. No further details.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “The Twilight Zone” features former Republican Massachusetts Governor, failed Republican 2008 Presidential candidate and likely 2012 Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Boston area Republican political analyst Todd Domke wrote an editorial which appeared in yesterday’s Boston Globe. This was the most entertaining passage:

Rod Serling sets the stage:“Massachusetts is not just a state; it’s a state of mind. This is where pilgrims landed, taxpayers revolted, and witches burned. But what burns in one politician is ambition — ambition to leave his state and move into a big white house in Washington, D.C. For Mr. Mitt Romney, this state has become a nightmare. He wants to pack his political baggage and exit stage right, but he can’t leave because this state is his . . . Twilight Zone.’’

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpU5vBYnfU&feature=related

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now


Lynnrockets’ Political Oscar Night Recap

John Boehner thanks the Academy

What with all the attention focused on Hollywood last night, you might not have noticed that the City of Boston held the 235th annual Political Oscars. The storied event was held on the U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) in Boston Harbor so that the Tea Partiers in the audience would feel at home. Prior to the ceremony, the nominees were paraded along the famous Freedom Trail past such historic sites as America’s first voucher-less public school, Paul Revere’s home, the site of the Boston Massacre and the Bunker Hill Monument. As they boarded Old Ironsides, they were pelted with tea-bags before they took their seats on the poop-deck. The event was not widely seen on television because all of America’s lamestream media networks were covering the “other” more popular pageant in LA. Thankfully, Al Jazeera did cover the event.

And the winners were…

Best Female Violent Rhetoric: Failed Nevada Republican Senate candidate Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle

– Runner-up: Reality TV host Sarah Palin – “It’s time to reload”

Best Male Violent Rhetoric: Fox News host and self-described “rodeo clown” Glenn Beck who said, “I want to kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel”

– Runner-up: Failed Arizona Republican Congressional candidate Jesse Kelly who, while running against Gabrielle Giffords, held a fund-raising event that was advertised as “Help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office. Shoot a fully automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly”

Best Female Fictitious Memoir: Reality TV host Sarah Palin for her “America By Heart” wherein the self-professed founding fathers-lover wrote, on page 189,  about the opinions of Founding Father John Adams, including his famous quotation, “we have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion.”   Her mistake is not in her analysis of the importance of faith to John Adams.  No, her error came in claiming that he had been a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention.” The reality is that John Adams did not participate in the Constitutional Convention. He was Ambassador to Great Britain at the time.

– Runner-up: Condoleeza Rice’s “Extraordinary, Ordinary People” because it fails to mention a single thing about the run-up to the invasion of iraq.

Best Male Fictitious Memoir: George W. Bush who quoted in “Decision Points”, Gerhard Schröder (then German Chancellor),  as having said of the run-up to the Iraq invasion, “What is true of Afghanistan is true of Iraq. Nations that sponsor terror must face consequences. If you make it fast and make it decisive, I will be with you.” Bush then wrote, “I took that as a statement of support. But when the German election arrived later that year, Schröder had a different take. He denounced the possibility of force against Iraq.” Schröder however has had this to say about Bush, “Just as I did during my subsequent meetings with the American president, I made it clear that, should Iraq … prove to have provided protection and hospitality to al-Qaida fighters, Germany would reliably stand beside the US. This connection, however, as it became clear during 2002, was false and constructed.”

– Runner-up: Donald Rumsfeld’s “Known and Unknown” in which he wrote, “Powell was not duped or misled by anybody. Nor did he lie about Saddam’s suspected WMD stockpiles. The president did not lie. The vice president did not lie. (CIA Director George) Tenet did not lie. Rice did not lie. I did not lie. . . . The far less dramatic truth is that we were wrong.” ‘Nuff said.

Best Republican Propaganist (TV): Fox News

Best Republican Propagandist (Radio): Rush Limbaugh

Best Tan: Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner (pronounced “boner”)

– Runner-up: President Barack Obama

Most Creepy Sex Scandal: Todd “First Dude” Palin for having sex with the same prostitute that wife Sarah Palin frequented for massages

– Runner-up: Former married GOP Rep. Chris Lee from New York for posting an eerie shirtless Craigslist ad allegedly searching for both female and transsexual sex partners

Biggest Lie Of The Year 2010: PolitiFact editors and reporters have chosen “government takeover of health care” as the 2010 Lie of the Year. Said Jonathan Oberlander, a professor of health policy at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill:  “The label ‘government takeover” has no basis in reality, but instead reflects a political dynamic where conservatives label any increase in government authority in health care as a ‘takeover.’ ”

– Runner-up: Moonbat-crazy Teapublican Rep. Michele Bachmann’s (MN) claim that Obama was going to spend $200 million a day on a trip to India.

Most Racist State: Arizona, for its unconstitutional “Show me your papers” law

State Which Spends Least Per Pupil On Education: Arizona

Highest Profile Employer of Illegal Immigrants: Failed GOP gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman of California

– Runner-up: Failed GOP presidential candidate Mitt(wit) Romney of Massachusetts

Most Chaste Politician: Failed GOP senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell of Delaware who does not masturbate

– First runner-up: Former ex-quitting half-term Republican governor of Alaska Sarah Palin who’s husband allegedly gets his action from her masseuse

– Second Runner-up: Bristol Palin, the former unwed pregnant teen and single mother who now preaches abstinence

Most Unlikely Presidential Candidate: Republican Donald Trump who would lead this nation out of the worst economic downturn since the great depression with the knowledge and skill he acquired after having filed for bankruptcy on at least four occasions

– Runner-up: Sarah Palin, who said on her failed un-reality television program that she’d rather be in Alaska “than in some stuffy old political office.”

It was a truly memorable night and after all the awards were handed out, the winners and runner-ups all accompanied Master of Ceremonies Charley Sheen down to Boston’s notorious red-light district “The Combat Zone” for more fun and frolic!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 70

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  Tea-Baggers will be heading to Wisconsin to stage a counter-protest to the state and local union members who are protesting the Republican governor’s attempt to disenfranchise them of their collective bargaining rights. Lynnrockets cannot wait to see the misspelled signs and incomprehensible slogans.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Take That!” features the Obama Administration which rescinded most of a federal regulation designed to protect health workers who refuse to provide care they find objectionable on personal or religious grounds. The Health and Human Services Department eliminated nearly the entire rule put into effect by the administration of President George W. Bush during his final days in office that was widely interpreted as allowing such workers to opt out of a broad range of medical services, such as providing the emergency contraceptive Plan B, treating gay men and lesbians and prescribing birth control to single women.

BREAKING NEWS: Ya gotta love the Green Bay Packers. No, not because the are the current Super Bowl champions and have the most championships of any team in the NFL, but because the publicly owned franchise’s players have signed a letter in support of the AFL-CIO’s efforts to derail Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker’s plan to cut union bargaining rights. Now that is a professional team you can believe in!

THIS JUST IN: Unfortunately, former whack-job Republican Senate candidate Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle has announced that she will not seek the GOP presidential nomination in 2012. With that announcement, Angle has denied many bloggers the opportunity to laugh out loud as they wrote about her campaign. Oh well, we still have Michele Bachmann for the time being.

BREAKING NEWS:  Fox News online comment of the week. Headline:  Facebook Add Support for Same Sex Civil Unions. Comment:  “Eww…It’s disgusting! Im glad I don’t have facebook. Facebook has turn into Sodom and Gomorrah. Facebook praise gays, now. Puke!” How erudite.

THIS JUST IN: Don’t you love it when Barney Frank (D MA) lectures the Republicans on governance? On Thursday, Frank referred to the House Republicans’ draconian budget cuts as an “orgy of self-congratulation”. Let’s watch:

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Bushwacked” features who else but former President and torturer in chief, George W. Bush. Bush canceled a trip to Switzerland last week citing security concerns, but international human rights groups were prepared to have him indicted for torture while in the country. The groups maintain that Bush could be indicted if he travels to any of 147 countries that have signed the Convention Against Torture. Looks like Dubya will be trapped like an animal in the cage of the U.S. for some time.

THIS JUST IN: Boston Globe columnist Joan Vennochi brings up an interesting point in this morning’s edition of the newspaper.  She wrote, ” Senator Scott Brown’s {R-MA} revelations about a childhood that included sexual assault by a summer camp counselor are genuinely sympathy-inducing. But, they also make you wonder: in light of this searing experience when he was 10, how could Brown endorse Jeff Perry, the Republican congressional candidate, who, in 1991, allegedly stood by as a 14-year-old girl was sexually assaulted by a fellow police officer? The victim, Lisa Allen, came forward during the race that Perry ultimately lost and said that Perry “had to hear my screaming and crying. Instead of helping me, Jeff Perry denied anything happened.’’’ The other officer however entered a guilty plea and was convicted. Let’s get this straight, the Tea Party favorite Brown suffered at the hands of at least two sexual abusers, yet he still chose political party loyalty over morality when he endorsed a Republican candidate who, despite being a police officer, allegedly stood by and did nothing when a young girl was being sexually molested by his partner. Is that change you can believe in? BTW, Brown will be featured on “60 Minutes” this evening.

BREAKING NEWS: It would not be a complete weekly recap without some mention of Sarah Palin. Thankfully a book written by a former aid of the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has been leaked. The author, Frank Bailey alleges therein that Palin hated being governor, festered with petty grievances and broke election laws by coordinating with the Republican Governors Association during her 2006 campaign for governor. The clock is now ticking with regard to how long it will take Palin to respond via either Facebook, Twitter or on Fox News.

THIS JUST IN: On Friday the Republican controlled House voted to defund Planned Parenthood. Do not worry however, because the Senate will never let that fly. Nevertheless, it was the perfect opportunity for Fox NewsGlenn Beck to go on a meritless rant against the organization. Beck spent his entire show yesterday railing against the non-profit. He so far to claim that the organization assists in sex trafficking operations involving underage girls. Honestly, at this point why doesn’t the wacky lunatic blame the Egyptian uprising on Planned parenthood also?

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

That Smell song clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6q9nBusrq8

BECK’S SMELL

(sung to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “That Smell”)

Whiskey bottles and drug filled jars
Those were Glenn Beck’s best days
Way too much coke and too much smoke
How does Fox News take pride in you?

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Yeah,

Angel of darkness is in our view
He’s a weasel doing harm (you fool, you)
The bloviating bloke, has a show that just blows
Have a drink, fool, you clown, you (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Righties call Beck prince charming
They take his word as the gospel truth
Yet Glenn Beck’s logic is hollow, and
Fox News just might learn he has no clue (no, clue)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

(crying break)

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s a fear-mongering bore

(Nazi reference break)

Beck has his own little Waterloo

It’s a monkey on his back
Sponsors have split from his racist schticks
One hell of a price and Beck’s show might get nixed (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s just a fool, just a fool, just a fool.

Christine “I Am Not A Witch” O’Donnell Is Back – Yippee!

When Christine O’Donnell was absolutely demolished in last November’s Delaware Senatorial election by Democrat Christopher Coons, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off feared that it had lost one of its best targets of ridicule. For those of you with short term memory loss, Christine O’Donnell was the Teapublican candidate with so much baggage that even the Queen Mary could not hold it all. She was embarrassed by Bill Maher when he released video tapes of her admitting that she “dabbled in witchcraft” and proclaimed that masturbation is a form of adultery. While appearing on Fox News‘ “The O’Reilly Factor” in 2007 she said, “American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.” She also said that “evolution is a myth” and the evidence is that “Why aren’t monkeys still evolving into humans?”. During a debate with Coons which took place at a law school, she revealed that she had no idea that the First Amendment is interpreted by the Supreme Court as requiring a separation of church and state. She also lied about having attended and/or graduated from at least three different colleges, Farleigh Dickenson University, Claremont Graduate University and even the prestigious University of Oxford. There is no questioning the fact that Christine O’Donnell is a whack-job of the first order.

While she was running for the Senate, Blast-Off was blessed with an unlimited supply of song parody material. Christine O’Donnell could go head-to-head with the Queen of Crazy, Sarah Palin on any given day. The two of them were a virtual tag-team of Tea-Bagging titillation. Throw in Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle, and we had a trifecta of Tea Party triviality. But alas, we lost both O’Donnell and Angle when they went down in electoral defeat. Sarah Palin was our lone survivor….UNTIL NOW!

Just a week or two ago, Sharron Angle announced that she was pondering a run for the presidency in 2012. Then on Tuesday, Christine O’Donnell announced that she has formed a political action committee known as ChristinePAC and that she is seeking donations. In an email to her supporters, O’Donnell lashed out at the media and establishment Republicans by saying,

“I’m determined not to let them destroy our movement. If I stand alone, though, I’m no match for the liberal media and the political establishment. But, with us standing together to fight, they don’t have a chance! A strong ChristinePAC will enable me to counter the liberal-controlled GOP establishment in upcoming Congressional Primaries.”

Huh? Who knew the “GOP establishment” was “liberal-controlled”? Somebody better get on the phone quickly with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) to conirm this shocking revelation. As unexpected as those words were, it was not surprising that O’Donnell failed to directly mention the ongoing investigation by the Justice Department and the FBI concerning whether she improperly used campaign funds in past elections for personal use. Instead, the non-masurbator played the victim-card ala Sarah Palin and wrote, “You’ve probably heard about the latest smear on me.” Oh boy,she is as crazy as ever.

But that is not all. There is even more good news for Lynnrockets” Blast-Off. Christine O’Donnell is currently working on a book about the 2010 election that is scheduled to be published later this year. OH HAPPY DAY!!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down Palin and Angle too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking her brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Maher is now the snitch
Who threw the strike-out pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!



Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 68

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: Talking Points Memo (TPM) reports that a group of Senate Democrats has identified the new Tea Party caucuses in the House and Senate as existential threats to Social Security, and are aligning to create a bulwark against them. They’re pressing President Obama to re-engage and get on their side of the issue, and they have some muscle in the form of their message guru, Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY). He said,  “We’re not crying wolf here, this is a serious movement to undo the most successful government program in the 20th century.” Why does it not surprise Lynnrockets that the Tea Party would be behind such a move?

THIS JUST IN: Is it just me, or is anyone else skeptical about the recent report that concludes that the 5000 birds that fell dead from sky in Arkansas died from blunt force trauma? What on God’s green earth did all 5000 birds get hit by all at the same time? The moon? Come on, there has to be a better explanation than that.

BREAKING NEWS: Is it a surprise to anyone that moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann (R-MN) who insisted throughout last year’s campaign season that Republicans must focus on jobs, has just suggested in a list of proposed spending cuts that the government “eliminate federal job training programs”? You simply cannot believe one word that emanates from this crackpot’s mouth.

THIS JUST IN: Does anybody else out there like to live vicariously through Charlie Sheen?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “What A Bust!” features the Tea Party Caucus. The first meeting of the Senate Tea Party Caucus on Thursday attracted just four senators — out of 47 GOP members — willing to describe themselves as members. Even Tea Party star Marco Rubio avoided the event. Let’s face it, no sane person would want to hitch their boxcar to that crazy-train.

THIS JUST IN: In his State of the Union response, Paul Ryan (R-WI) had this to say about Social security, “This is a future in which we will transform our social safety net into a hammock, which lulls able-bodied people into lives of complacency and dependency.” What Mr. Ryan failed to tell the American people however, was that he personally collected Social security death benefits after his father passed away and used them to pay for his college education. Hmm, looks like somebody has some ‘splainin’ to do.

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News Comment of the week. In response to the Fox News headline, “California Neighbors Irate Over Nazi Flag in Window”. Website comment: “Is this any worse than all the Mexican flags I see on Cinco De Mayo?”

THIS JUST IN: Just when you thought that the potential list of whackos competing for the 2012 G.O.P. Presidential nomination could not get any weirder, along comes Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle. When asked by an Iowa reporter if she planned to run, she responded, “I’ll just say I have lots of options for the future, and I’m investigating all my options.” Good grief!

BREAKING NEWS: It was refreshing to see Politicususa report this week that Glenn Beck’s ratings have dropped nearly 50% over the last year – he’s lost almost 500,000 viewers a night since November. It would appear that even the under-educated and misinformed Fox News audience is fed up with listening to Beck predict things that never happen or rant about wildly imagined conspiracy theories. They may finally even realize that Beck appears to be having some sort of nervous breakdown before their very eyes. Whatever the underlying reason, like his sponsors, his audience is now leaving in droves.

Speaking of Glenn Beck, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Desperado song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2EzD0ziIj0

Desperado

(sung to the Eagles song “Desperado”)

Desperado, you better come to your senses
Your racist offenses, so public now
Oh, you’re a hard one
But this will be your last season
The Fox boys are teasin’ you
Your show’s all done now

After your unseemly cryin’, boy
We knew you were unstable
We have all seen you fall apart on your set

Now it seems to me, you don’t bring
One sane sentence to the table
But what could one expect from crazy Glenn Beck

Desperado, you better fetch that old plunger
You’ll soon be flushed under that porcelain throne
Your kingdom, your kingdom fell and it’s not all that shocking
You just kept on talking till you were all alone

Will your deep dark soul hibernate in slime?
Your name, Glenn Beck, constitutes a crime
As does most everything that you say
Your sponsors all fleeing your show
Ain’t it funny as we watch them go away?

Desperado, You’ve shown us all what nonsense is
The prevailing sense is, you only hate
Your tears are rainin’, cuz you know nobody loves you
The Lord in Heaven up above you
(heaven up above you)
The Lord in Heaven up above you will decide your fate

All Things Palin Are In Decline

Oh, where do we begin? Things have been going so poorly for the Palin clan of late that it is difficult to find a suitable starting point to chronicle all of their misfortune and bad publicity.

Sarah Palin appeared to be at the apex of her popularity sometime during the summer months of 2010. She was at the forefront of the Tea Party ascension as she bestowed endorsements like blessings upon a plethora of “Mama Grizzlies” in anticipation of the mid-term elections. By the end of the summer, she was all the rage as her very own reality television series was being endlessly promoted. The Queen of Quit was also teasing everyone with the possibility that she might run for President in 2012. Her guest host appearances on Fox News (where else) were increasing. Soon thereafter, daughter Bristol also, too was appearing in a reality television series known as “Dancing With The Stars”. Let’s face it folks, in the latter half of 2010 it was “all Palins, all the time.”

Suddenly however, Palin power and influence took a turn for the worse. Most of Sarah’s  more prominent and controversial “Mama Grizzlies” such as Christine “Witchy Woman” O’Donnell, Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle, Linda “Women Are Sex Objects” McMahon, Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina and Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman lost in the mid-term general elections. Her more prominent and controversial male “Papa Grizzlies” such as John “Lasers In The Sky” Raese, Tom “Bomb Mecca” Tancredo, Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck and Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi also lost. Perhaps the biggest blow to Palin however, was that she could not influence the voters of her home state of Alaska to vote for Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller. He lost to a write in candidate of all things. In short, the nation’s voters “refudiated” Sarah Palin.

After the mid-term elections, Sarah Palin began to suffer a steady decline in national polls. The one-time “most popular Governor” began to witness her “approval” numbers drop more quickly than the snow in Alaska. Indeed, as of January 19, 2011 her approval rating descended to an all-time low of 19% according to a CBS/New York Times poll of registered voters.

Worse yet, prominent members of her own Republican Party began to publicly criticize her. Karl Rove stated that Palin lacked the “gravitas” to be President. Newt Gingrich said, “she keeps lowering the bar for herself.” Former First Lady Barbara Bush said she hopes Palin stays in Alaska. Her very first “Baby Grizzly”, Senator Scott Brown (D-MA) said he would not vote for her for president. Even co-worker Mort Kondracke over at uber-friendly Fox News said, “She’s a joke even within her own party. The idea that she would be the presidential nominee is unthinkable.”

In the meantime, Bristol Palin got caught up in a controversy of her own. It was alleged by many that despite the fact that she lacked the dancing skills of many other contestants on DWTS, she continued to survive only because of Palinbot robo-voting. Of course Bristol ultimately lost.

Palin popularity took its worst hit on January 8, 2011 when Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and several others were gunned down in Tucson, Arizona when a deranged lunatic exercised his “2nd Amendment remedies.” The previous March Sarah Palin used a sniper-sight symbol-laden ad which targeted Giffords’ district and  identified Giffords by name on what is now universally considered to be an ill-conceived campaign prop. It was obvious that Palin would now be linked (fairly or unfairly) to that tragedy forever. She made things worse when she attempted to rehabilitate her image via a self-produced video which is now known as her “I Was The Real Victim Of The Tucson Massacre” speech. That video resonated so poorly with Americans that Fox News‘ Sean Hannity unsuccessfully attempted to have Palin talk her way out of it on his program a few nights thereafter.

The Palin family’s bad news continues. First Sarah Palin was crushed by potential rival Mitt Romney in a New Hampshire straw poll which was heavily attended by Tea Partiers. Next, it was Michele Bachmann (R-MN) and not Palin (Q-AK) that was selected to provide the official Tea Party response to the President’s State of the Union Address. Then, last week the National Enquirer reported that husband Todd Palin was a frequent recipient of massages and possibly more from an Alaskan prostitute. Daughter Bristol was then invited and then rejected by Washington University in St. Louis to discuss sexual abstinence at an event scheduled for next month. University students were outraged that student union funds were to be paid to a non-college educated unwed pregnant teen in an effort to “teach” college students about abstinence. Sarah Palin then elected to provide her own response to the State of the Union Address, but in an attempt to cleverly mock the President’s “win the future” tagline, she resorted to refer to it by means of her potty-mouthed “WTF” (gee, I wonder what she meant by that) acronym. Once again, she has been roundly criticized for her vocabulary.

Finally, and potentially most damaging of all is the news that Alaska officials must release by May 31, 2011 an estimated 26,500 pages of personal emails exchanged between the former ex-quitting half-term Governor and her aides. The records release comes after nearly three years. The initial request was made by news entities back when Ms. Palin was running for vice president with Arizona U.S. Senator John McCain. The request includes emails between Ms. Palin and her husband, Todd, who was accused of wielding inappropriate governmental powers. MSNBC (the initial plaintiff in the lawsuit which sought the email release) plans to “post the e-mails online in a searchable archive” in effect, WikiLeaking Sarah Palin. It has been alleged and/or hinted by some Alaskan bloggers that the emails may just be the tip of the iceberg which sinks the good ship Palin as well as her dream of a political future.

The year 2011 is not shaping-up well for Team Palin. Will there be more bad news arising? I bet you Rocketeers can guess where this is leading!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
“Bad Moon Rising” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iktMZy0CG30

BAD NEWS ARISING

(sung to the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Bad Moon Rising”)

Palin sees bad news arising
She sees trouble on the way
She will stick to her lyin’
Emails are on the way

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise

Palin’s secrets will be showin’
We know her end is coming soon
Soon all of us will be knowin’
Palin is a disgrace and ruined

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise
Alright!

(email scrubbing break)

We will be thrilled to forget her
Palin will have tears in her eyes
Looks like she’s in for nasty weather
She’ll be exposed by all her lies

Well, Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise

Sarah’s in a plight
And it’s bound to cause her strife
There’s some bad news on the rise

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 66

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

First of all, GO PATRIOTS! De”feet” the JETS!

BREAKING NEWS: In case you have not noticed, President Barack Obama‘s approval rating has climbed steadily in recent weeks to its highest point in nearly a year. According to an Associated Press-GfK poll, 53 percent of Americans surveyed said that they approve of how Obama is doing his job. Obama’s approval was last at 53 percent in early March 2010, before his health care reform bill was passed in its final form. The poll was conducted between January 5th and 10th. No doubt the rating will rise even more after the president’s recent speech in Tucson, Arizona.

THIS JUST IN: In case you are interested here is the most recent list of the 50 states as ranked by gun fatalities per 100,000 residents as provided by the Daily Beast.

#1, Mississippi Gun deaths per 100,000: 18.3 Permissive gun laws: 4th out of 50

#2, Arizona Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 1st out of 50

#3, Alaska Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 11th out of 50

#4, Arkansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 15.1 Permissive gun laws: 7th out of 50

#5, Louisiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 19.9 Permissive gun laws: 23rd out of 50

#6, New Mexico Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 6th out of 50

#7, Alabama Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 27th out of 50

#8, Nevada Gun deaths per 100,000: 16.2 Permissive gun laws: 22nd out of 50

#9, Montana Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 10th out of 50

#10, Wyoming Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 8th out of 50

#11, Kentucky Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.4 Permissive gun laws: 5th out of 50

#12, West Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.8 Permissive gun laws: 25th out of 50

#13, Tennessee Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 31st out of 50

#14, Oklahoma Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 17th out of 50

#15, Idaho Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 2nd out of 50

#16, Georgia Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.1 Permissive gun laws: 13th out of 50

#17, Missouri Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.9 Permissive gun laws: 12th out of 50

#18, South Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 20th out of 50

#19, North Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.3 Permissive gun laws: 28th out of 50

#20, Florida Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 41st out of 50

#21, Kansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.5 Permissive gun laws: 14th out of 50

#22, Indiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.6 Permissive gun laws: 21st out of 50

#23, Texas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 32nd out of 50

#24, Michigan Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.9 Permissive gun laws: 39th out of 50

#25, Maryland Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.1 Permissive gun laws: 44th out of 50

#26, Colorado Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 24rd out of 50

#27, Pennsylvania Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 40th out of 50

#28, Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 35th out of 50

#29, Utah Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.5 Permissive gun laws: 18th out of 50

#30, Vermont Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.4 Permissive gun laws: 3rd out of 50

#31, Oregon Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 30th out of 50

#32, North Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.9 Permissive gun laws: 15th out of 50

#33, Ohio Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.6 Permissive gun laws: 29th out of 50

#34, Maine Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.1 Permissive gun laws: 9th out of 50

#35, Delaware Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.2 Permissive gun laws: 33rd out of 50

#36, Wisconsin Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.7 Permissive gun laws: 34th out of 50

#37, Nebraska Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 19th out of 50

#38, South Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.5 Permissive gun laws: 16th out of 50

#39, Washington Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.5 Permissive gun laws: 37th out of 50

#40, California Gun deaths per 100,000: 9 Permissive gun laws: 50th out of 50

#41, New Hampshire Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.9 Permissive gun laws: 26th out of 50

#42, Minnesota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.6 Permissive gun laws: 36th out of 50

#43, Illinois Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 45th out of 50

#44, Iowa Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.3 Permissive gun laws: 38th out of 50

#45, New York Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.1 Permissive gun laws: 43rd out of 50

#46, New Jersey Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.2 Permissive gun laws: 49th out of 50

#47, Connecticut Gun deaths per 100,000: 4.3 Permissive gun laws: 46th out of 50

#48, Rhode Island Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.5 Permissive gun laws: 42nd out of 50

#49, Massachusetts Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.6 Permissive gun laws: 48th out of 50

#50, Hawaii Gun deaths per 100,000: 2.8 Permissive gun laws: 47th out of 50

As you will notice, 17 of the 20 states with the most gun fatalities per-capita are Red (Republican/conservative) states. Conversely, the 11 states with the fewest gun fatalities per-capita are Blue (Democratic/liberal) states. “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: Remember not too long ago when rap singers were criticized by those on the right for their violent lyrics? Those lyrics, we were told, could inspire violence. Then why are those on the right not as equally aghast at the violent rhetoric and symbolism which is fostered by Sarah Palin (Don’t retreat – RELOAD”, Sharron Angle (2nd Amendment remedies), Glenn Beck (Kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel), Ann “The Man” Coulter (Timothy McVeigh should have bombed the New York Times building) and Mike Huckabee (That’s Obama diving to the floor to avoid gunshots)? Good question?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I Don’t Know Much About History” features Glenn Beck. He criticized the House Republican leadership for its decision not to read the “three fifths of a person” language of the original Constitution which was subsequently replaced through amendment. Beck said,

“Three-fifths clause. African-Americans: three-fifths in the South, three-fifths of a human being. That’s an outrage, unless you know why they put that in there. They put that in there because if slaves in the South were counted as full human beings, they could never abolish slavery. They would never be able to do it. It was a time bomb. Progressives should love that. It was a way to take a step to abolish slavery.”

As is usually the case, Beck could not have been more wrong.University of Pennsylvania history professor Rick Beeman states,

“They put [the three-fifths clause] there because delegates from the Southern states would never have agreed to the Constitution unless some weight was given to their slave populations in the apportionment of representation. They wanted slaves counted 100%, but when they saw that they could not get that, they settled for 3/5. The practical effect of that, far from making easier to abolish slavery, made it more difficult. It gave added weight to southern political power in Congress, it inflated Southern power in the apportioning of electoral votes, which led to a succession of Southern presidents. Ironically, the best thing that could have been done with respect to making it easier to abolish slavery would have been to have given slaves NO weight in the apportioning of representation.”

Glenn Beck never lets the facts get in the way of a good lie.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Can’t I Get The Toothpaste Back In The Tube” features former Minnesota Governor Tim “Good &” Pawlenty. The likely Republican candidate for the 2012 presidency told anti-gay radio host Brian Fischer that he we would support reinstating the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban on gays in the military. This begs the question, just how could a reinstatement be accomplished? Would the gay soldiers that came out be forced to then go back into the closet? Additionally, would the military brass somehow magically be able to forget the identities of those soldiers that did come out? Please Tim, do tell.

THIS JUST IN: After having come under fire from all quarters this past week for fostering violent rhetoric, the right-wing talking heads can now turn their attention to one of their favorite whipping boards; the French. This week a brawling smoker turned his trans-Atlantic flight from France into something resembling a bar fight and is facing criminal charges. The man was illegally smoking in the rest room and when confronted, he started a fight. After finally being apprehended by federal air marshals the passenger continued to verbally abuse individuals around him, yelling in substance ‘I’m French, f*** you!'” This event will have Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity chirping for days.

BREAKING NEWS: On Friday afternoon Michael Steele stepped down from the chairmanship of the Republican National Committee. Really, was there ever any doubt about that happening? Now Steele will have all the time he needs to spend with lesbian bondage strippers.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Tell Us Something That Wasn’t Obvious” features former President Ronald Reagan. His youngest son Ron Reagan, Jr. revealed in his new book that he believes his father showed signs of Alzheimer’s disease while he was in the White House. In the book titled “My Father at 100,” which is due out next week, Ron Reagan writes, “Three years into his first term as President … I was feeling the first shivers of concern that something beyond mellowing was affecting my father.” It is only a matter of time now before senior members of the G.O.P. and right-wing shock jocks begin undermining Reagan Jr. for having the audacity to speak truthfully about his own father.

BREAKING NEWS: Arizona state and federal law enforcement officials have conclusively proved that killer Jared Loughner is, in fact, a member of the Republican Party. A recently discovered roll of 35mm film contained a photograph of Loughner posing with a 9mm handgun while wearing a red G-string. This is incontrovertible proof that Loughner is a member of the G.O.P. because numerous members of that party have displayed an affinity for being photographed with either firearms or fetish wear. David “Diapers” Vitter and Rudolph “9/11” Giuliani were unavailable for comment.

Rudy "9/11" Giuliani

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av3em

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Is Fox News And Tea Party Hatred to Blame For This Atrocity?

This is truly breaking (heart-breaking) news. CNN has just reported that at least 12 people were shot at a Tucson, Arizona grocery store on Saturday, and Democratic U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was among them. The network reports that, “Giffords, 40, was holding a constituent meeting at the grocery store when the shooting occurred, according to a schedule posted on her website.” The Tuscon Citizen newspaper reports that Giffords was shot in the head.

Giffords won her third term in a closely contested race against a Tea Party-sponsored candidate and was one of three Democratic legislators who reported vandalism at their offices following the March vote on health care reform.

It is obviously too early to place blame for this atrocity until we learn more about the assailant. Nevertheless, if it is determined that the shooter targeted the Democratic Representative for political reasons,  Fox News hosts such as Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck may be morally culpable for fostering an atmosphere encouraging revolution-like actions against the Democratic Party controlled government. Is it any wonder that at some point violence might be triggered by Palin’s inappropriate rhetoric such as “Don’t Retreat. Reload”, or her infamous website ad which targeted certain Democrats (including Giffords) for electoral defeat by means of placing gun-sight symbols over their judicial districts on a U.S. map? Has Glenn Beck’s near constant comparison of the Obama administration to communists, socialists or even Hitler fostered an atmosphere of sober and reasoned political discourse? Of course not. These far-right conservative radicals have stopped just short of actually calling for violence against government officials. On a daily basis they remind the easily influenced Tea Party members of the glory of our nation’s armed revolution. Indeed, during the most recent election cycle Tea Party candidate Sharron Angle went so far as to say that the public should bring down an out-of-control Congress with “Second Amendment remedies.”

The far-right media and politicians refused to castigate those people that attended Tea Party rallies armed with guns. They turned the truth upside down when they defended the Tea Partier that assaulted and stepped on the head of a defenseless woman at a Rand Paul event. Every time some far-right conservative takes their bait and like a hungry dog devouring raw meat, starts talking about “taking back the government” and stocking up on guns and ammunition, the likes of Beck, Palin, Limbaugh, Malkin, Coulter and Hannity defend these crackpots by claiming that they are simply expressing their frustration. Their thinly veiled encouragement of violence either threatened or actual is despicable.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that today’s shooting was the work of a person with a severe mental disability who picked a random target and not a person motivated by what seems to be an ever-increasing level of political hatred. The mentally disabled person works alone while the politically motivated person is likely only one of many that may resort to lethal violence. It is time for the hate-spreading far-right media and politicians to realize this and tone down their rhetoric and tacit encouragement of violence.

No song parody today. I see no humor in this tragic event. My prayers are with Ms. Giffords and the other innocent shooting victims.