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Slow News Day Musing

Question: What of interest is going on in the world of political news today? Answer: Nothing!

We never thought it would happen, but as of noon EST, nothing truly noteworthy or parody-worthy is happening. Could it be that everyone is simply waiting to hear what President Barack Obama will say in his State of the Union Address this evening? Are all of the members of Congress simply too nervous about which member of the opposing party they might be seated next to at the speech? Has every newsworthy person suddenly fallen into hibernation? As legendary Green Bay Packer coach Vince Lombardi once famously shouted from the sideline, “What the hell is going on out here!” What you don’t remember that? Well, today is a slow day, so here it is:

OK then, now that we have our obligatory Green Bay Packer reference out of the way for another day, we can move on. Speaking of move-on, even is quiet today. The progressive group’s only interest today is if the President will mention Social Security in his SOTUA. Heck, even Media Matters and Newshounds were forced to comment on the same non-story. You know, the one where Fox News hosts state emphatically that their network never compares those on the left to Nazi’s, and then the progressive blogosphere provides about one hundred examples of Fox hosts and guests doing exactly that. This lack of news makes one wonder if even Sarah Palin has elected to assist the “lamestream” media with their vow of a Palin-free February by starting to do nothing noteworthy as early as late January. The only thing the usually controversial Queen of Quit has done in the last 48 hours was to appear at a fundraiser for a christian school in Lubbock, Texas which was, of course, closed to the press. Speaking of Lubbock, Texas, did you folks know that that is where Buddy Holly was from? Just who was Buddy Holly you might ask?

Alright then, now we have our obligatory Buddy Holly reference also out of the way. Do any of you folks have any buddies that might be of interest? If so, please let us know because we are bored. Does it show? Speaking of shows, does anybody else out there other than NSWFM like the HBO show “MadMen”? We do. Here is a clip:

A lot like a law firm I formerly worked with. Oh well, here is a Sarah Palin song parody to take us through to tonight’s big speech.

Remember to click on the song link below to have more fun singing along. 

Brown Eyed Girl song link:


(sung to the Van Morrison song “Brown Eyed Girl”)

Hey where did she go,
Days when the snow came
Way down in Juneau,
Playin’ the blame game,
Winkin’ and a blinkin’, hey, hey
Oil should be a pumpin’
With those rimless glasses on and
Sarah campaign stumpin’, oh,
My four eyed girl,
You, my four eyed girl.

Whatever happened
To Wooten and Stambaugh
Did they not toe the line
Forcing Sarah to let them go
Standing in her office laughing,
Hiring her old friends from school
Fibbin’ and a lying
Playin’ citizens as fools, were you
My four eyed girl
You, my four eyed girl

Do you remember when she used to sing…
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Just like that
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
La Ti Da

She has lots of legal bills
And they make her whine and moan
She’ll be turnin’ to booze and pills
Unless she gets a loan
Someone’s gotta help her, Lord
Could it be the good Ol’ SarahPac
Defense fund could save her ass
And fill her wallet too, oh you
My four eyed girl
You, my four eyed girl

Do you remember when she used to sing…
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya Betcha, Ya
Sha la la la la la la la la la…

Glenn Beck Needs The MADMEN

Glenn Beck's only remaining sponsor is the Ku Klux Klan

Glenn Beck's only remaining sponsor is the Ku Klux Klan

Is it time for Glenn Beck to contact Donald Draper and the boys at Sterling, Cooper? With advertisers pulling their sponsorships from his show faster than rats fleeing a sinking ship, Glenn Beck should consider moving his show from Fox News to AMC, the network of the hit series MadMen. It would appear that only the fictitious advertising executives at a fictitious advertising agency will be able to attract sponsors to this racist’s nightly program.

Imagine the episode going something like this:

Don Draper’s Office: Fade in to Draper, sitting with his feet on his desk, drinking a glass of scotch and looking lost in thought. He has five-o’clock shadow, the top button of his white dress shirt is unclasped and his tie is loosened. Suddenly, his senior partner, Roger Sterling bursts in.

Sterling: Don, we have a new client that is in deep trouble. It’s Glenn Beck from Fox News.

Draper: Isn’t Beck that homophobic racist creep that said that President Obama has a deep seeded hatred of white people? (editor’s note – Beck did say that recently).

Sterling: One and the same, Don.  It seems that a nationwide boycott of his sponsors has already caused over twenty advertisers to pull their ads from his show. He has already lost Geico Insurance, Men’s Wearhouse, Radio Shack, Walmart, Best Buy, GMAC Finance and about fifteen others, with no end in sight. (editor’s note – this is also true) Only you can help him. What can we do?

Draper: Get me Cosgrove and Campbell from Accounts and Peggy Olson from Creative ASAP! I have an idea.

Conference Room: Fade in to Draper standing in front of an easel with the following words written with a Sharpie in descending order: “Glenn Beck”, “Ku Klux Klan pillowcase hoods”, “Racist”, Race Car”, “NASCAR !!!” Sitting around the conference table are Cosgrove, Campbell and Olson.

Cosgrove: I don’t get it Don, what are you driving at?

Campbell: Of course you don’t get it Cosgrove. You should not have even gotten this job. Don’t you see, Don is predicting that NASCAR will be the next sponsor to pull their ads from Beck’s show because he is a racist! Right, Don?

Draper: Wrong, Campbell. NASCAR does not advertise on the Beck program. You should know that. Olson, what do you think?

Olson: I think it’s brilliant Mr. Draper. You found the common denominator between Glenn Beck fans and NASCAR fans. Both target audiences are comprised of Southern, white, racist, redneck, inbreds. We need to contact NASCAR immediately and sell them on the idea that they must begin advertising heavily on the Glenn Beck Show. it’s like killing two negros with one noose.

Draper: Exactly, Olson. That’s why I promoted you at the end of last season. Now, all three of you, get to work. (End Scene)

We apologize if some of you readers are not familiar with the tv series MadMen, but we believe that it is the best program on television. Please do yourselves a favor and watch it (at least once). We think you will be hooked. It airs on AMC on Sunday nights at 10:00 pm.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Help song link:


(sung to The Beatles song “Help”)

Help, Beck needs somebody
Help, not just anybody
Help, you know Glenn needs someone, help

When Beck was younger, so much younger than today
He would simply booze it up and toke his days away
But now those days are gone since Glenn Beck found the cure
Now it is the Racist Biz in which this small mouse roars

Help Beck if you can, for he may drown
And the President he hates for being brown
Help Glenn as his sponsorships go down
Won’t you please help Glenn B.

And now Glenn’s life has changed in oh so many ways
His advertisers have just vanished in the haze
First it was Geico and Men’s Wearhouse out the door
Now CVS has joined the rest, they’re pulling out for sure

Help Glenn if you can, his smile’s a frown
With all of his advertisers leaving town
How long will Fox News keep him around?
Won’t you please help Glenn B.

When Beck was stronger, way back when in his heyday
He never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now those days are gone and Glenn Beck is abhorred
Fox will find it’s in a bind if he’s not out the door

Help Beck if you can, he’ll make the rounds
His resumé will circulate from town to town
He might find employment as a clown
Won’t you please help Glenn B., Glenn B., Glenn B., oh…