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Palin Is Failin’

Think about this for a moment. When is the last time you heard any mention of Sarah Palin since she announced that would not seek the Republican Party nomination for President? It has been a long time hasn’t it? Most of you have probably not heard mention of her since that very day of October 5, 2011.

During a radio interview that day, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska told a conservative host that she could actually be more influential and powerful if she was not in fact, elected to the most influential and powerful office in the world. She said, “Not being a candidate, really you are unshackled and you’re able to be even more active. I need to be able to say what I want to say.” This type of confusing double-speak of course, was a Palin trademark since that unfortunate day in 2008 when John McCain unleashed the “Disaster from Alaska” on the Lower 48.

Unfortunately for Sarah Palin, her new-found “unshackled” status with its freedom to be “more active” and “to say what I want to say” has been a one-way street. You see, the American people no longer care what Sarah Palin has to say and they are not interested in what she does. Additionally, Palin has certainly not been “more active” than she was during the days of her book tours and PAC-sponsored family-vacations. Indeed, her prediction of enhanced influence in the political realm seems to have been “unshackled” from reality.

Palin is aware of her diminishing star power however, and she is determined to place herself back in the spotlight. Much like her intentionally long-delayed presidential announcement was designed to maintain her relevance for as long as possible, her present reluctance to endorse a presidential candidate serves the same purpose. By teasing her Tea Party sycophants who tend to obey her every command, Palin has maintained some relevance within that small but diminishing faction of society.

But Sarah Palin craves more than that. Tea Party relevance does not necessarily translate into money and stardom. Palin cannot simply release another ghost-written book either because most Americans no longer seem to care what she has to say. Consequently, Palin realizes that the only avenue remaining is a return to low-brow reality television like so many other washed-up celebrities. The fact that she and her family fit the mold of dysfunctional sit-com soap-opera characters only adds to the allure of the boob tube.

Consequently, we learned this weekend that her former reality show, Sarah Palin’s Alaska” may return for a second season following its hiatus during the Queen of Quit’s flirtation with a presidential run last season. This second season would presumably feature more staged vignettes of Sarah and family fishing, hunting, bickering and drilling for oil. It has been rumored that the re-emergence of this particular show followed Palin’s failed attempt to create a spin-off series featuring husband Todd the “First Dude” on the professional snow-machine circuit. Apparently TLC could not be convinced that snowmobile racing is the next NASCAR. Of the renewed series however, a network source told the Hollywood Reporter, “I think it is safe to say her time has passed.”

Ahh Sarah Palin, we hardly knew ye!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky4wu58XTr4

SARAH PALIN’S COMING TO TOWN

(sung to the Patti Page version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

Get your wallet out
Wink and blink your eyes
Holler and shout
At protesting guys
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

She’ll fleece you while your sleeping
Your money she will take
She’ll force you to purchase her book
Although the story’s fake

Oh, get your money out
So that you can buy
Can’t be without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

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Will Season 2 Be Titled “Sarah Palin’s Arizona”?

Sarah Palin celebrates New Year's Eve in Maricopa, Arizona

For those of you that just cannot get enough of Sarah Palin and the rest of her Wasilla Hillbillies, TLC has just announced that the first season of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” will be released on DVD. Oh yes, for a mere $ 19.98 you can purchase the two disc set beginning on April 5, 2011. The Hollywood Gossip reports, ” The DVD features all 387 minutes of Sarah camping with Kate Gosselin, bashing Michelle Obama and embarking on various hunting and fishing trips.” Now you also too can relive the magic again and again as the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska brazenly executes animals before your eyes for no reason other than television ratings.

Speaking of “former” and “quitting”, it is also now rumored that the Queen of Quit may also be quitting on Alaska. Amy Andrews, the Gossip Girl of Irish Central tells us that all the Palins have had enough of snowy Alaska and therefore will be accompanying dancing daughter Bristol for the sun and good life in Arizona. Andrews says, “There are no ties that bind Sarah to Alaska any more and she will surely prosper in the warmer climate and with far more ease of travel to states like California, not to mention, early primary states in the Midwest and East Coast.” Yet , “It is ironic that Sarah will be ending up in the state where her presidential candidate running mate hails from. If Sarah had lived in Arizona in 2008 she could not have run for VP .”

A source told Robotceleb.com that “Both Sarah and Bristol are millionaires and have had enough of Alaska.” They go on to say that  “Sarah and Bristol raved about the sun and great weather in Los Angeles where Bristol Palin recently lived while appearing on the hit show “Dancing with the Stars”. Bristol Palin is planning on enrolling at Arizona State University in the fall.” Any guess how long the erudite Bristol will last at one of the “biggest party schools” in the nation or at any college for that matter? Then again, if she can’t cut it there, Sarah should be quite capable of helping Bristol fill out a transfer application inasmuch as mom matriculated at five different colleges before earning a mere bachelor’s degree.

As for Sarah Palin, Arizona seems the perfect fit. You might recall that her dad Chuck Heath once said that his daughter transferred out of Hawaii Pacific University because she was uncomfortable with foreigners. No problem with that in Arizona as the result of its racist profiling law and hate of immigrants. The Palins have such pasty white complexions that chances are slim they will ever be asked by an Arizona State Trooper to produce “their papers”. As an added benefit, Sarah Palin will be able to film season 2 of her reality television show in the Grand Canyon State. Palinbots nationwide will be thrilled to see their version of Annie Oakley reload and take aim at the most dangerous game of all, … Hispanics!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s New Year’s Eve inspired song parody.

Same Auld Lang Syne song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmdFgFyhnk

SAME OLD LAME WHINE

(sung to the Dan Fogelberg song “Same Auld Lang Syne”)

Met Sarah Palin at a Walmart store
She was shoplifting like a thief
There was no sign of kids or the “First Dude”
‘Cuz Sarah brings home the beef

I recoiled from her aging face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She knew I saw the moose meat in her purse
And then she just fibbed and lied

I said I was not a security man
And then Sarah Palin was glad
She lacked any sense of embarrassment
At the thought that she was bagged

I asked if we could have a drink or two
Cuz she was such a rising star
We met “Joe Sixpack” at the liquor store
And we three went to a bar

We drank a toast to ignorance
We drank a toast to Mao
She tried to explain her head’s emptiness
But she did not know how

She said she’s married to a derelict
Who can’t keep a job if he tried
She would have like to say she loved the man
But she couldn’t stand the guy

I said “death panels” were the end for her
That she could turn a Red-State Blue
And did she fear her would-be son-in-law?
She just said, “Lynn, F_ _ _  you”

She said she hated all the pro-choice whores
And that she hoped they’d go to Hell
I asked if Coulter was a “he” or “she”?
Palin said she could not tell

She toasted her omnipotence
And asked us all to bow
I said, “so long and good riddance,
I must be leaving now”

Then one last toast to ignorance
Cuz it was closing time
She lacks a sense of eloquence
But has that old lame whine

The beers were empty and our tongues were tired
Another book signing today
She put her hat on and hopped on her broom
And I watched her fly away

She graduated from a “safety school”
So she has no-one else to blame
There’s no intelligence inside her dome
That’s why she is so lame.

Palin To Receive “Just Desserts” For Attacks Against First Lady?

One is smart and one's a tart!

As was revealed last week, three national polls indicate that in a head-to-head match-up against Barack Obama for the 2012 Presidency, Palin would be shellacked. Each of those polls showed Obama winning by double digits with one poll giving him a whopping 22 point advantage. Palin admitted on Friday’s episode of Good Morning America that the poll results were “lousy”.

So what does the “Queen of Quit” do in an attempt to rehabilitate her blemished image? Does she “reload not retreat” and continue with her attacks against the President? Of course not. She now realizes that that tactic is failing. Consequently, the ex-former, quitting, half-term Governor of Alaska has set her sights on a different target. She can’t hurt the President personally, so she has now initiated a cat-fight and turned on his wife, the First Lady. Meow!

Is Palin unaware that Michelle Obama enjoys the highest positive ratings of just about anybody in the public eye? That means that it would be even more difficult to tarnish her public image than that of the President’s. Moreover, Palin has elected to criticize Michelle Obama’s signature public policy mission which is to educate families and children about the negative effects of obesity and help them to choose a more healthy diet. A sane rational person might deduce that the First Lady’s mission is both beneficial to the general health of our nation and wildly popular with parents who must compete on a daily basis with massive corporations touting sugar and fat laden foods that are tantamount to a heart attack in a box. A sane rational person might understand that obesity is pervasive as is evidenced by reality television shows such as “The Biggest Loser”. A sane rational person would also connect the dots and understand that a healthier population would help bring down the skyrocketing costs of medical treatment which are handcuffing our nation. A sane rational person, at the very least, would realize that promoting a healthy diet is not a bad thing. Sarah Palin however, is not a sane rational person.

In a blatant swipe at Ms. Obama in Sunday’s episode of her un-reality television show, “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”, Palin was shown making s’mores and she proclaims the marshmallow and chocolate treat is “in honor of Michelle Obama, who said the other day we should not have dessert.” Of course that is not in any way what the First Lady actually said. Sarah Palin of course, misconstrues the words of others as much as she butchers the English language. Michelle Obama actually said this,

“In the afternoon, there was no way we’d be allowed to lie around the house watching TV. Our parents made us get up and play outside. As I tell my kids, dessert is not a right.”

Once again, a sane rational person would understand that Michelle Obama was simply explaining that tasty desserts should be earned by physical activities which reduce the ill effects of the sugary treats. Once again however, Sarah Palin has demonstrated that she is not a sane rational person.

CNN informs us that this was not not the first time Palin has taken a job at Mrs. Obama over her campaign to discourage fattening foods, especially from public schools. The former vice presidential nominee told conservative talk radio host Laura Ingraham last month that “the first lady cannot trust parents to make decisions for their own children, for their own families in what we should eat.” Palin also hand-delivered cookies to a Pennsylvania school last month before delivering a speech there, saying: “Who should be deciding what I eat? Should it be government or should it be parents? It should be the parents.”

Sarah Palin is a buffoon. After all, what sane rational parent would object to healthy food being fed to their children at public school rather than unhealthy fat-laden foods? Would Palin also object to those school crossing guards on the grounds that, “Who should be deciding when my child crosses the street? Should it be government or should it be parents?” Probably.

In addition to the futility of her attacks against promoting a healthy diet for children, Palin has also been exposed as a hypocrite. Whatever happened to her edict that family members should be “off limits” in the world of political debate? Palin has violated her very own golden rule by attacking the President’s wife. After all, he is the elected official, not Michelle. What would her response be if Barack Obama criticized daughter Bristol’s teen abstinence campaign as “closing the door after the horse has fled the barn”? Would she play the victim card yet again? You betcha!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky4wu58XTr4

SARAH PALIN’S COMING TO TOWN

(sung to the Patti Page version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

Get your wallet out
Wink and blink your eyes
Holler and shout
At protesting guys
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

She’ll fleece you while your sleeping
Your money she will take
She’ll force you to purchase her book
Although the story’s fake

Oh, get your money out
So that you can buy
Can’t be without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

New Reality TV Show: “Kate Plus Hate”

Palin and Gosselin

CNN reports, “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” saw a major drop in ratings after its first episode aired, but we’re guessing this Sunday’s show may spark a bit more interest. A guest appearance by Kate Gosselin and her eight children can’t hurt, right?

The December 5 episode of Palin’s TLC reality show features the two famous families as they embark on an Alaskan camping trip and UsMagazine.com has a first look at the promo for the upcoming episode.

“She’s going to rely on me to protect her,” Palin says of Kate, who shares that she has “never camped for real.” The look of horror on Kate’s face as she watches the former governor shoot a rifle gives her away.

“Our ruggedness is really a mystery to people in the lower 48,” Palin adds with a smile.

Lynnrockets believes the two erstwhile campers could improve ratings by merging their shows. Could it be called “Kate Plus Hate”?

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boww2CMtOo4

HIT ‘EM WITH YOUR BEST SHOT

(sung to the Pat Benatar song “Hit me With Your Best Shot”)

Well she’s a real tough cookie in the mean G.O.P.
A bitch without a heart; that is Sarah P.
She hates Dems and she’s gonna prove it
Just like the Duke, she’s gonna come out shootin’

Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Let’s start to shoot Dems with our best shot!
Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Fire away!

A slimy, lying moron, losing her hair
She plays the game but she don’t play fair
Blamed her loss on John McCain
But she flushed him right down the drain

Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Let’s start to shoot Dems with our best shot!
Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Fire away!

(musical interlude)

A political rookie with a poor history
She can see Russia from her balcony
Palin just took another gun from her rifle case
She’s gonna shoot a Democrat in the face

Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Let’s start to shoot Dems with our best shot!
Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Fire away!

Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Let’s start to shoot Dems with our best shot!
Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Fire away!

Truth Be Told: It’s Not Sarah Palin’s Alaska – (Updated)

The Learning Channel (now known as TLC because there’s not much learnin’ goin’ on there) chose a dubious title for its newest and lamest reality show. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” might give viewers the impression that the former ex-quitting half-term Governor is popular in her home state. Such is not the case. In fact, Sarah Palin is probably more unpopular than most any other Alaskan of note, with the possible exception of Teapublican Senate candidate Joe Miller.

Consider this. Back in 2008 when John McCain foolishly chose her as his running mate, Palin was marketed as the most popular governor in the nation. The G.O.P. claimed that her popularity was credited to the fact that she was an “outsider” who had toppled Alaska’s “establishment” politicians. In essence, the Republicans branded Palin as a fresh face with no negative personal history and an unbreakable commitment to conservative policy and practice. Such a characterization would have been appealing to most Republicans … if only it was true.

When the national spotlight fell upon Sarah Palin’s beauty-pageant-tested visage, it revealed a plethora of unsightly blemishes that were previously hidden even from most Alaskans. Palin was running around the country telling voters that she was against federal earmarks such as the now infamous “Bridge to Nowhere”. She boasted that she told the feds “thanks, but no thanks” for its funding. Media scrutiny however, revealed that in fact, she “was for it before she was against it”. Next, Alaskans and the nation learned that the “abstinence only” advocating Palin had an unwed pregnant teen-aged daughter. Soon thereafter, a video surfaced of the “born again” Palin having demons cast from her body. This was followed by the media revealing that she inquired as to how books could be banned from a public library and how she and her husband attempted to have a state trooper (who happened to be her estranged former brother-in-law) fired as retribution for a family squabble. The media then discovered that husband Todd was (and Sarah Palin may have been) a member of a political party who’s stated purpose is to have Alaska secede from the United States of America. Very strange and unsavory stuff.

As each campaign day passed, more and more was revealed about the previously unknown Palin and it was not pretty. We learned that it took her six years at five sub-par colleges to earn a mere bachelors degree. We questioned the authenticity of that degree when we witnessed her inarticulate answers to questions on nationally televised interviews and at the Vice Presidential Debate. We learned that the educationally challenged candidate mothered two children that were school drop-outs. It got worse by the day and thankfully (for Palin and the nation), November 4th came along and she and McCain were crushed at the polls by Barack Obama and “Do you mind if I call you Joe” Biden.

The nation was saved, but the same could not be said of Alaska. The dejected and now bitterly scornful Palin limped back to her home state to complete her term as governor. Or did she? Many Alaskans were upset that they too learned a lot about Sarah Palin that they did not like. As they looked deeper into her governorship, they learned of things like the fact that she collected per-diem pay for living and working at home and seldom darkened the door of the state capital. She took her children, at taxpayer expense, on many unnecessary trips. One by one the ethics complaints filed against Sarah Palin began to pile up. The bloom had come off the Palin rose and Sarah knew it. So what did Palin do? Did she suck it up, change her ways and continue to govern as best she could? Not quite. Instead, she abruptly quit the position in July of 2009 after only having served half of one term.

Perhaps Sarah Palin did not get the memo, but most voters consider it an insult to up and quit the position that they recently voted you into. Her approval rating in Alaska plummeted. For the first time, when Palin made public appearances in Alaska, demonstrators began to show up with derogatory signs. Heck, even her next door neighbor contacted the author that was writing a scathing book about Palin and offered her house to him so that he would have close proximity to his subject. Ouch!

Somehow things are still getting worse. This campaign season Sarah Palin elected to buck both the national and Alaskan Republican Party by endorsing a Tea Party candidate for Lisa Murkowski’s Alaskan U.S. Senate seat. Surprisingly, Palin’s candidate (Joe Miller) defeated Palin’s enemy Murkowski in the Republican primary. Murkowski however, tore a page from the Palin handbook and decided to “Reload, Not Retreat”. She launched a write-in candidacy and turned fiercely against both Miller and Palin. The moderate Republicans, Independents and even some Democrats responded favorably. The one thing that these disparate voters had in common was a unified opposition to Palin and Miller. Consequently, on November 2, 2010 they turned out en masse and may have elected the first write-in candidate to the U.S. Senate since 1954. No small feat.

Tasting imminent electoral victory, Murkowski went on the offensive against Palin on Monday when she told CBS that Palin is not worldly enough for the nation’s highest office. More specifically she said,

“I just do not think that she has those leadership qualities, that intellectual curiosity that allows for building good and great policies. You know, she was my governor for two years. And I don’t think that she enjoyed governing.”

To add insult to Palin’s injury, Murkowski signaled that if elected, she will repay moderates, Independants and even those Democrats that voted for her by not voting strictly with her party. She said,

“I will tell you, I am not one of those who wants Obama to fail. If he does well, that means the country’s doing well. We don’t have time as a nation to spend all of what we do blocking. We have got to figure out how we get to a point where we can be sitting around the table and talking about these difficult problems and advancing some solutions.”

Take that, Sarah Palin! Even a Republican Senator from your home state disavows your unpopular political positions. No. it clearly is not “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”!

UPDATE

Sometimes we can’t make this stuff up. Watch Gretchen Carlson of Fox News describe Sarah Palin as “self defecating” rather than “self deprecating”. Bwa ha ha ha ha ! Does that mean that Palin craps all over herself?


Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still “go with the flow”?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has-been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Ready For “Sarah Palin’s Staged Alaska”?

It's all "Guns 'n Buns" on "Sarah Palin's Alaska"

Sarah Palin, “The Queen of Quit” will make her reality television debut tomorrow when Sarah Palin’s Alaska hits the airwaves. The Boston Globe tells us what we can expect to see. Here are some excerpts from the newspaper’s review:

Sarah Palin is climbing a glorious mountain in the premiere of TLC’s “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.’’ Terrified of heights, “freaking-out scared,’’ she yells to her guide and her husband, Todd, “This may flippin’ take me all day.’’ But she persists, bravely climbing upward, refusing to succumb to fear. “I didn’t want to quit,’’ she says later. “I didn’t want to quit in front of other people.’’ The long scene is about perseverance, a statement about climbing ev’ry mountain. But is the scene also an indirect response to accusations that Palin is a “quitter’’ for having left her Alaska governor’s post 18 months early?

Her series, which premieres Sunday night at 9, is one of the most naked examples of image-crafting I’ve seen in a while. With the conventions of reality TV at her service, the former vice presidential candidate delivers a portrait of herself, her family, and her home state that’s relentless in its messages of wholesomeness and in its justifications of her past.

But every scene, no matter where it’s filmed, inevitably seems to become some kind of Palin political dispatch. She takes full advantage of a bear sighting — staged, no doubt — to recall her Mama Grizzlies platform for “common-sense conservative women,’’ as she put it in a video last summer. Watching a brown bear, she talks about how the mama bear is “protecting her cubs and saying, you know, no one’s gonna mess with my cubs, no one’s gonna mess with the future of the species.’’ Of course, this is not an interview or press conference, and no one is there to ask her how mama bears feel about putting their cubs on reality TV.

Another of the show’s many little set pieces allows Palin to remind us of a parent’s ultimate helplessness when it comes to controlling her daughter’s sex life. A male friend, Andy, is visiting teen daughter Willow. At the bottom of the stairs in the living room, a baby gate keeps toddler Trig from climbing and falling. “It’s not just for Trig,’’ Palin says, when Willow goes upstairs. “It’s for, ‘No boys go upstairs.’ ’’ Eventually, Andy jumps the gate and heads upstairs to join Willow anyway — and something out of “Modern Family’’ becomes a kind of explanation of how daughter Bristol might have evaded her mom’s gaze and gotten pregnant as an unwed teen.

We tend to think of noncompetition reality TV as a place where semi-famous people can make fools of themselves for money and fame. But it’s also a chance for someone like Palin to construct a sophisticated PR film using documentary effects — kind of like an infomercial. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska’’ promises the entertainment value of spying on the notorious Palin family in their natural habitat, but then it also forwards a series of policy stances and image reparations.

There you have it. The Boston Globe, at least, believes that Sarah Palin’s show is more a politically motivated infomercial than a travelogue revealing the beauty and wonder of the great state of Alaska. Was there ever really any doubt?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

El Paso song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SgLrFHs0Jk

WASILLA

(sung to the Marty Robbins song “El Paso”)

Up in the Alaskan town of Wasilla
They had a guv’nor that would make you hurl
She and her husband would ride snow-machina’s
But nobody ever saw her in Juneau

She was a blight and nobody was meaner,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell
Palin was all for politics of hatin’
And her beehive was slathered in hair gel

One night old Johnny McCain came in,
Reeking and stinking of gin
Cursing and swearing,
His dentures were baring
Searching for the queen of
Snowbound Wasilla

We remember he

Searched out this stranger cuz his hopes were fadin’
He did not know that she dressed like a whore
She got a new wardrobe thanks to the RNC
But prep for debating proved too much a chore

All McCain could do was stand there in silence
Knowing his election hopes were all done
Many thoughts raced through John’s mind as he stood there
And each of them involved his using a gun

She could not name the leader of Iran,
Evolution she denied
This sure was no fun,
Her brain was a wood one
Poor Johnny Mac’s
Election hopes had died

Could he send her back

Up to the Alaskan town of Wasilla
Bury her up to her neck in the snow
Sarah Palin proved to be something worthless
The “First Dude” and his wife jokes of the left
She could not name anything she was readin’
Of intelligence, Palin was bereft

Nobody liked her except “Plumber Joe”
And that guy’s brain was in “park”
Her head was hollow
Her rhetoric slimy
This Palin was worse than a
Poisonous dart

They suffered defeat

And poor Sarah was shipped back to Wasilla
But Palin disliked the Governor show
She felt Alaska was pulling her backwards
And she developed a hatred of snow

No longer enamored by northern cowboys
And denied most of her per diem dough
Shouting and shooting, “I can’t let them catch me!”
She quit her job and just “went with the flow”

Something went dreadfully wrong for that heel
Yet she kept on winking her eyes
She kept on lying
And waging her battle
Politics of fear
Yet office denied

But her love for

Tea-Baggers was strong and when they came a callin’
She wrote a fictional book to digest
The grammar was poor and the tone was spiteful
But off to Walmart they went on a quest

She signed the books and collected her bounty
Seldom in her motorcoach did she ride
She flew in a jet till bloggers did spy her
And they exposed just one more of – her lies.

“Reality” Star Palin Facing Legal Reality

The first episode of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” has been recorded and is scheduled to air on TLC on November 14th. Unfortunately for the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska and the network, the episode’s broadcast may prompt a costly lawsuit against them. One segment in particular may prove to have been quite damaging to Palin and Co. You see, in her quest to maintain her own privacy, Sarah Palin and TLC seem to have invaded the privacy of her former neighbor, investigative author, Joe McGinniss. Watch the subject clip below.

How hypocritical for Sarah Palin to complain about her lack of privacy while at the same time suggesting that husband, Todd drill a peep hole in their fence so that she can spy on her neighbor.

The television segment was not missed by Joe McGinniss who has hired legal counsel to issue a cease and desist demand to Palin and the network. Here is the letter.

Edward Sabin, COO
Eileen O’Neill, President
The Learning Channel (TLC)

David Zaslav CEO
Peter Liguori, COO
Discovery Comm., LLC

Mark Burnett, President
Mark Burnett Productions

RE: “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” // Invasion of Privacy of Joe McGinniss

Dear Ms. O’Neill, Mr. Sabin, Mr. Zaslav, Mr. Ligouri and Mr. Burnett:

This law firm represents Joe McGinniss. It has come to our attention that the first episode (titled “Mamma Grizzly”) of the above referenced television show, scheduled to air on Sunday, November 14, 2010 at 9:00 PM on TLC, contains unauthorized videotaped images of Mr. McGinniss which were obtained without his knowledge or consent. In addition, you have already placed a video clip containing this image of Mr. McGinniss on your website and it has been picked up and reproduced by the Huffington Post and many other online sites.

Mr. McGinniss was not asked if any production crew could videotape him as he read a book on the secluded deck of the house he was living in at that time. He was not aware that any camera crew was in fact videotaping him. Mr. McGinniss had a reasonable expectation of privacy under those circumstances. The mere taking of the video therefore gives rise to an actionable claim for invasion of his privacy. The publication of the video on your website and in the television show constitutes an additional wrong – the unauthorized use of the likeness of Mr. McGinniss. Finally, the manner in which Ms. Palin describes Mr. McGinniss in the episode is defamatory: Mr. McGinniss has never invaded the Palins’ privacy, contrary to the many statements made by Ms. Palin and her husband, both prior to this television production, and now repeated in the episode referenced above.

DEMAND IS HEREBY MADE upon each of you that all images of Mr. McGinniss be removed from any television show produced by any of you, and removed from any website controlled or operated by any of you. If you do not do so, Mr. McGinniss will be forced to pursue all his available remedies.

Please confirm in writing by November 12, 2010, to this office that you will remove these images.

Mr. McGinniss reserves all of his rights.

If you would like to discuss any of the above, contact this office.

Very truly yours,

Dennis Holahan

How ironic that Sarah Palin’s quest for television cash may end up costing her and her network a boat-load of dough.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Lawyers, Guns And Money song link: http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Lawyers_Guns_And_Money/2283625

LAWYERS, GUNS AND MONEY

(sung to the Warren Zevon song “Lawyers, Guns and Money”)

She looks just like a waitress
With her beehive hairdo
We can only guess
Who she will threaten to sue

There’s a story by a blogger
Who took a little risk
Her lawyers, guns and money
Show that she is so damned pissed, hyeah

Most people just can’t stand her
She passes the buck
Should put a sock in her smug face
She’s running out of luck
Yes, running out of luck
Palin’s sure out of luck

She dresses like a tourist
From a foreign land
Her lawyers, guns and money
Still carry out her plans

All right
Her lawyers, guns and money
Huh!
Uh…
Her lawyers, guns and money
Uhh!
Her lawyers, guns and money
Hyah!
Her lawyers, guns and money
Ooh!
Yeah!
Yeah Yeah… Uh!

Palins vs. Reality (TV): Round Three – Bristol

First we had Sarah Palin, the former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska dip her toe into the waters of reality television with her TLC show known as “Sarah Palin’s Alaska“. Next, we learned that Palin’s would-be son-in-law, Levi Johnston is shopping his own reality series titled “Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor’s Office” in which Johnston will follow in the Naughty Monkey steps of Sarah and run for Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Now we hear that Sarah’s daughter Bristol, the former unwed pregnant teen and current unwed twenty-something single mother, will appear as a contestant on next season’s “Dancing With The Stars“. Wow! Remember when Sarah Palin negatively alleged that President Barack Obama was a celebrity and compared him to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton during the 2008 presidential campaign? Did that ever prove to be the pot calling the kettle black (pun intended).

What is it with the Palin clan and their obsession with celebrity status? Really, how many normal families would aspire to have three members star in their own reality television series? Talk about low expectations. This group simply should have stuck together as one unit and promoted a joint sitcom possible titled “The Wasilla Hillbillies“. Heck, even the Gosselin family managed to keep nine out of their ten members on just one TV show.

What is next for the Palins? More reality shows? Maybe “Hey First Dude, Where’s My Car?” wherein Todd Palin will steal and then hide the automobiles of unsuspecting Wasilla residents. Or perhaps, the ever elusive Track might star in “Tracking Track“. Can you folks come up with any other suggestions?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Will she make it to Round 5?
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen