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Bristol Palin Tries Abstinence… Again ???

You know that saying, “You can never go home”? Apparently Bristol Palin does not. The former unmarried pregnant teen daughter of the former half-term ex-quitting Governor of Alaska has vowed to abstain from sex until she and her oil-pipeline worker boyfriend have tied the knot, reports The New York Daily News. the Palin said in an interview with In Touch magazine:

“Gino and I are going to wait until marriage. I’m doing what’s best for me. It’s between me and God, and I know it’s right.”

What a joke! sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up. Palins and abstinence go together like Herman Cain and monogamy. Besides, hasn’t the abstinence door already been slammed shut on Bristol?

Mama Grizzly, Sarah Palin has been denouncing sex education and contraception since she was disastrously thrust upon the American people by John McCain. She has been one of the nation’s foremost advocates of abstinence-only education. Of course Sarah Palin did not personally practice abstinence. It would appear that oldest son Track was conceived prior to her wedding on August 29, 1988 inasmuch as he was born on April 20, 1989.

The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was also apparently not a very good teacher when it came to instilling the virtues of abstinence on her own children either. First, teen daughter Bristol gave birth out of wedlock. She claims that her “virginity was stolen” (rape?) by her boyfriend one night while she got drunk while on a camping trip. The veracity of that statement is called into question however, inasmuch as Bristol continued to have sex with the same boy for a long time after that. Now we have eldest son Track who also seems to have violated the abstinence only rule. Track was married May 2011, yet wife gave birth to a baby girl  in August 2011.

This brings us back to Bristol Palin who has thrust herself, in true Palin fashion, into the media spotlight once again by launching yet another Palin family reality television series (see “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” and “Dancing With The Stars”). This time it’s “Life’s a Tripp”, in which the single mother runs around aimlessly with her toddler. But really, aren’t there a million 21 year old single mothers doing the same thing? Do we really need a reality television show on the subject?

All of this is as ridiculous as when Bristol Palin became an abstinence-only spokesperson for the “dress like a teen-ho” company known as Candies a few years ago. Palin belonged to the Candies Foundation who’s stated mission is “to educate America’s youth about the devastating consequences of teenage pregnancy”. How’s that for a mixed message between product and message? Here are examples of some wholesome Candies advertisements:

 
Who could be a better role model for abstinence than Bristol Palin, an unwed 21 year old mother? Oh, you can just taste the hypocrisy!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I Want Candy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMICD3aMZpw

SHE WEARS CANDIES

(sung to the Bow Wow Wow song “I Want Candy”)

I know a girl who’ll take some heat
Candies pays this gal to speak
She’s got a mother that is a liar
Sarah sucks like a vampire

She wears Candies
She wears Candies

Bristol’s preachin’ all over town
She should shut-up and sit down
She don’t know squat about abstinence
She’s got a big case of arrogance

She wears Candies
She wears Candies
Yeah

(musical interlude)

Bristol is a gal that should know better
She should be sporting a scarlet letter
She left school cuz she was failin’
Just like almost every Palin

She wears Candies
She wears Candies
She wears Candies
She wears Candies

Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead !

And then there were five.

There is a little more room in the clown car known as the Republican field of Presidential wannabes today. Yesterday moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann quit the race after garnering only 5% of the vote in the Iowa caucuses. She joins other Bozos such as Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, Chris Christie and Herman Cain to exclude themselves from the race. The only difference between Bachmann and the others however, is that Bachmann was the only certifiably insane person to actually make it to an election. The craziest banana in that bunch of course was Sarah Palin but she never entered the race. The next wackiest contestant as measured by the Koo-Koo Counter was Donald Trump but he too shied away from the race. Herman Cain of course, was called away by his girlfriends.

But back to Bachmann. She called a hasty press conference in Iowa yesterday and in the biggest understatement of the GOP primary season to date said, “Last night the people of Iowa spoke with a very clear voice and so I have decided to stand aside.” Gee, do ya think? Despite having been a native Iowan, Bachmann garnered about as much Hawkey respect as fellow Waterloo native, serial killer John Wayne Gacy.

Let’s not mince words, Michele Bachmann has been an irresponsible liar and historically ignorant politician for some time now. She has made a number of  outrageous and/or completely discredited factual statements as illustrated by the following gems compiled by The Huffington Post:

  • And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”
  • “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?”
  • “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”
  • “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”
  • [Gay marriage] is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.”
  • “Normalization [of gayness] through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: ‘I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.’”
  • “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”
  • “It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas…Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?”
  • “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.”

Like Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann has said some darned crazy stuff. Indeed, she can match Sarah Palin in the “Tea Party Two-Step” move for move. The Bachmann campaign even stole away Palin’s debate coach. Is that crazy enough for you? Think about that for a moment. Michele Bachmann actually wanted to be coached by the person that is highly responsible for some of the all-time worst (yet laugh-out-loud hilarious) debate and interview performances in televised history.

Ahhh Michele Bachmann we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Flintstones television theme song link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Flintstones.html

BACHMANN

(sung to the television theme song “The Flinstones”)

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
A Congresswoman that is bat crazy
She and Sarah Palin
Driving voters from the G.O.P.

She can’t form a sentence that’s complete
Now she’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
Hates Blacks, children and those that are gay
She is clearly brain dead
Can’t seem to get out of her own way

She talks right through the rain, snow and sleet
Every single thought is incomplete

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Exposed during prime time

Hooray!!! The Sarah Palin Comedy Show Redux !!!

Hold on to your seats folks. The fun may be set to begin again. Just when you thought you had laughed at every clown in the Koch Bros. and Tea Party Flying Circus, we may have a new entertainer re-emerging. No, not Herman Cain. Nope, not Chris Christie. We are not even speaking of The Donald. We may have ourselves a genuine mental case resurfacing in the field of Republican Presidential candidates. Ladies and gentlemen please rise and put your hands together for none other than “The Alaska Disaster”, “The Queen of Quit”, Sarah Palin!

Seriously. This is not a joke. While appearing on Fox News (where else?) last night, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska said that she may enter the race despite her firm pronouncement to the contrary on October 5th. When asked by the host whether anybody else might still get involved in the presidential race, Palin said “It’s not too late for folks to jump in. Who knows what will happen in the future.”

Bloggers everywhere are now salivating. There is nothing more entertaining than watching Sarah Palin make a public fool of herself as she tries to make a point. Remember the time when she was speaking at that farm while a poor turkey was having his head chopped off right behind her? How about the time she was caught with crib-notes  written on her hand during a televised interview? Who will ever forget the time that she completely botched the purpose and method of Paul Revere’s famous Midnight Ride just after she visited the Old North church in Boston? Then there was the time when she could not tell a 5th grader what the Vice president does. Most entertaining of all, of course, were her hilarious televised interviews with Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. Ahhh, those halcyon days of Palin!

This may be the best Christmas present many of us could possibly hope for.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday season inspired song parody.

Winter Wonderland song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcAuqshkqE

PALIN BLUNDERLAND (Part 2)

(sung to the Ray Conniff Singers version of “Winter Wonderland”)

Sarah P., are you listening?
Intellect, you are missing
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

Quit your job on July third
You belong where you’re not heard
Go back to Hong Kong
Please take Todd along
Living in a Palin blunderland

You can even bring that “Plumber Joe”, man
He can fly the jet as you leave town

He’ll say, “You still married?”
You’ll say, “No, man!”
But you can have the job
When we touch ground

Later on, you’ll conspire,
To get Tina Fey fired
The price that you paid
To be renegade
Living in a Palin blunderland

Sarah P., are you listening?
What’s that sound that you’re hissing?
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

You have all the warmth of a fresh snowman
And all the smarts of a circus clown
You sold some books and made a lot of dough, man
They had no verbs but had a lot of nouns

You just love oil well drilling
And your polar bear killing
You frolic and play, the G.O.P. way
Living in a Palin blunderland

Another One Bites The Dust

It is with deep regret that we ask you to click on the song link here for a final time before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music which we will forever remember as “Herman’s Theme”.

First it was Tim Pawlenty. Then it was Donald Trump. Next it was Sarah Palin. Then it was Chris Christie. Now it is Herman Cain who has quit his quest for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

Cain has announced that he is suspending his campaign because of the barrage of sexual harassment and marital infidelity claims that have been levied against him in the last few weeks. Cain made the decision after having had a long conversation with his wife and several girlfriends. Final score? Girlfriends 1, Cain 0. Cain learned that it is very difficult to profess to being a devout family man when you are accused of a life of lewd sexual behavior by several woman who are not your wife. At least Cain will not have to submit to that lie detector test which he volunteered for last month.

During his announcement, Herman Cain continued to deny any misconduct on his part. He said, “These false and untrue allegations continue to be spinned in the media, and in the court of public opinion so as to create a cloud of doubt over me and this campaign and my family. That spin hurts. It hurts my wife. It hurts my family. It hurts me. And it hurts the American people, because you are being denied solutions to our problems.” Cain then said, “I am not going to be silenced and I am not going away.” Immediately thereafter however, Herman Cain was silent and then he went away.

It would have been so much more dramatic if he uttered those famous words which he first voiced when he announced his candidacy…”AW, Shucky Ducky!” In any event, the “Cain Train” (as he refererd to his campaign) is now nothing more than a train wreck. Good riddance, Herman. Don’t let the Koch Brothers kick you in the rear as you exit the public stage.

Inasmuch as near every Republican candidate is imploding before even a single primary election vote has been cast, it is likely that President Obama will run unopposed in 2012.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Hurricane” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YngpWylqQ3A

HERMAN CAIN

 (sung to the Bob Dylan song “Hurricane”)

Herman Cain shouts out to the radical right
He was doin’ pretty fine but now he will fall
His 9-9-9 plan was a resounding dud
Romney and Perry are having a ball
Here comes the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.

Herman was chosen by the Tea Party
The only black man to be brainwashed by the GOP
“I will do it” he said as they were clapping hands
“But my views do not register with all the other black men”
“They’re non-believers” he says and he stops
“There’s already a black man at the top”
“Can I keep my pizza shops?”
“Will I somehow make the scene with my liberal-bashin’
“As a black man on the right?”

Meanwhile far away in another part of town
The Koch Brothers and a couple of friends are drivin’ around
They needed somebody to don the right-wing crown
Had no idea the kind of idiots who were hangin’ around
Michele Bachmann looked like she was about to explode
Just like the time before Mitt Romney can’t stand pat
And Rick Perry is just too dumb and slow
He’s a hack… and he is destined for a big defeat
And Obama must be beat!

All these fellows prompted laugher and had no chance to reach the top
The Koch Brothers oh so sadly were just out prowling around
They said, “the other men running, they are lightweight candidates”
“They’ll look like morons when they get to the debates”
Those ol’ boys were just inclined to scratch their sore heads
Koch said, “Wait a minute boys, here’s our thoroughbred!”
He then suggested good ol’ Herman C.
And though this man had no history
They told him that he could surely be their chosen man.

Four in the morning and they called Herman in
They were downright hospitable and they calmed all his fears
Then Herman Cain looked up through his two crying eyes
Says, “I’m shedding all these tears because I’m your guy”
Yes, this is the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.

Four months later and Wall Street is inflamed
Herman tells the jobless that they are all to blame
While all those bailed-out bankers profit from their greedy games
And Cain sides with the shifty one-percent while he calls the protesters names
He went even further but he went too far
By raisin’ taxes on those workers at the bar
He showed his tax plan had a fatal flaw
Ol’ Herman Cain began to hem and haw…running in fright
Even attacked from the right.

Now all those Tea-Baggers said, “I’m really not sure”
“Raise all our taxes? Please give us a break!”
“We picked you for this cushy job but just maybe you’re not our fellow”
“Now just like flip-flopping Romney, it seems your spine’s made of Jello”
“You best modify your bad behavior”
“Or Newt Gingrich will become our newest flavor!”
“Now you best listen to us, Sir”
“Don’t wanna pin our hopes and dreams upon him”
“Our view of him is quite dim.”

Cain had to take a stand and he had a hunch
But his cigarette smoking ad proved he was out to lunch
It’s a YouTube play and it was a bad day
Now that it’s over he hopes that it just goes away
Reviews weren’t very nice
Still the next time though, he better think twice
His campaign ad an epic fail
What can Herman do next to bail out?
Cuz he’ll never be the man in the White House

All of Herman’s cards were marked in advance
His campaign was a circus, he never had a chance
He tried to cast detractors as drunkards from the slums
To the sane folks who watched he was a corporate-crony bum
He was a big dope with an ego even bigger
No one doubted he was a gold-digger
And he proved he never was “the one”
The Koch Brothers chose the wrong son.. oh yes, indeed
And all the Tea-Baggers agreed.

Cain was later identified
By two former employees who testified
Of sexual harassment of which Cain lied
And the newspapers they all went along for the ride
How can the wife of such a man
Proudly wear his stained wedding band?
While he claims that he was framed?
Herman Cain should be rightly ashamed… to be such a man
Who would deny his blame.

Now the Koch Brothers in their coats and their ties
Are glad to drink martinis and choose their next guy
There must be somebody out there that they can sell
Cuz Herman Cain he was not all that swell
That’s the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.

Military Hierarchy Belittles GOP Presidential Candidates’ Foreign Policy Views

It is being reported by CNN that retired Gen. Wesley Clark, former Navy Secretary Richard Danzig and Ret. Maj. Gen. Paul Eaton are publicly endorsing President Barack Obama’s military policies and actions while overtly criticizing the foreign policy positions of the field of Republican candidates as “shifting positions” and being “all over the place”. These positions were aired last night at the National Press Club on the eve of the CNN Republican National Security Debate in Washington.

Wesley Clark, the former supreme allied commander to NATO, took Mitt Romney to task when he said, “One (candidate) praised President Obama’s troop surge and concurred with the idea of later taking combat troops out of Afghanistan while criticizing setting a withdrawal date. Then he suggested U.S. troops should stay there. Then he said he’d like to see the troops come home as soon as possible.” He went on to say of Romney, “One veteran candidate’s position has evolved from needing to consult military lawyers about how to proceed against Iran in 2007 to an eagerness for military action now that gives many of us pause.”

Newt Gingrich was also singled out for criticism on the basis that his ideas for covert action in Iran are “cute”. Of Gingrich, Clark said, “Some candidates seem to be rattling the sabres for war with Iran. One candidate was placing heavy emphasis on covert action as though he had just invented the idea and nothing is happening now, which is a little bit cute since the definition of covert action is that it cannot be acknowledged.”

The trio of military brass apparently saw no reason to even comment upon Herman Cain. Cain’s blunders, including warning that China is trying to develop nuclear capability and his complete confusion about what transpired in Libya have been broadcast over the nation’s airwaves for the last few weeks. It would appear that those blunders have rendered Cain non-mention-worthy in the realm of foreign policy.

It will be interesting to see how the other GOP wannabes address foreign policy issues tonight at the Republican National Security Debate in Washington D.C. Tune in at 8:00 pm Eastern Time for what is surely to be a laugh-fest.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“The Brady Bunch” theme song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou-FeOoKDq4

THE ROMNEY BUNCH

 (sung to the theme song of “The Brady Bunch”)

Here’s the story of a man named Romney
He was governor of Mass. but made us hurl
Now his story has been told, like no other
Jobs lost in a swirl

Here’s the story of a man who’s shady
He cannot hold one position of his own
Changes his mind just like the weather
Still, he seeks the throne

His convictions are as strong and firm as Jello
What he knew wasn’t much more than a hunch
Just like Newt, he is not very manly
Mitt Romney and his campaign are out to lunch
The Romney Bunch
The Romney Bunch
Yeas they are all so lame, the Romney Bunch

GOP Flavor Of The Month Gingrich Leaves Bitter Aftertaste

The Republican Presidential candidate flavor of the week has just taken on a decidedly bitter aftertaste. First it was Sarah Palin that conservatives wanted as their Presidential nominee, then it was Michele Bachmann who titillated the Tea Party. When Palin elected not to run and it became evident that Bachmann was unelectable because she is moonbat-crazy, the Republican base turned to Chris Christie and Rick Perry as their taste du-jour. Like Palin however, Christie decided not to run and Perry lost favor the moment he opened his mouth at debates. Next up was Herman Cain. Unfortunately, he also left a bad taste in the mouths of conservatives when his series of unfortunate events (raising taxes on the working class, multiple sexual harassment claim and ignorance of foreign policy) unfolded. Consequently, Republicans have now turned their lonely eyes to Newt Gingrich. Unfortunately (for the GOP and Gingrich), he too is now quickly souring.

It is now more than obvious that Republicans are turning over every stone in an attempt to unearth a nominee other than the despised Mitt Romney. Nonetheless, it does not look like Newt Gingrich is “The One”. He jumped to the top of the GOP list only after the five aforementioned saviors imploded. It is understandable why he was their sixth choice. After all, Newt Gingrich was the only Speaker of the House in history to be sanctioned while in office for an ethics violation. It is also remarkable that he was driven from the speakership position and also his seat in the House of Representatives by his own Republican Party. Additionally, It was recently discovered that the self-described fiscal conservative ran up a nearly $1 million credit bill at toney Tiffany & Co. jewelers while simultaneously his campaign is nearly $1 million in debt. Shortly thereafter, his entire senior campaign staff abruptly quit on him.

This week, things got even worse for Newt Gingrich. Gingrich has long been running along the campaign trail blaming (unjustifiably) pseudo-governmental Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for the mortgage meltdown which collapsed our economy in 2007. Indeed, on October 11, 2011 he went so far as to say,

“If you want to put people in jail… You ought to start with Barney Frank and Chris Dodd. And let’s look at the politicians who created the environment, the politicians who profited from the environment, and the politicians who put this country in trouble. In Barney Frank’s case, go back and look at the lobbyists he was close to at Freddie Mac.”

By the way, here is Barney Frank’s response to Gingrich’s statement:

Damming words. Unfortunately for Newt Gingrich, it was just discovered that he was one of those Freddie Mac lobbyists or consultants. Bloomberg reported on Tuesday that Gingrich was hired to gain GOP support on Capitol Hill as the government-backed mortgage company came under fire during the subprime mortgage meltdown. CNN also confirmed that “Gingrich Group was paid between $1.6 million and $1.8 million to lobby Republicans in Congress on behalf of the government-backed mortgage lender.” The payments to Gingrich were made during two periods – from 1999 to 2002 and 2006 to 2008. CNN reports that a former official who worked for Freddie Mac during both of Gingrich’s stints, claims that Gingrich was consulted about Freddie’s efforts to become more transparent about “risk and capital management” procedures, risk information disclosure, and how those efforts would be received in Congress, specifically by Republicans. The official went on to say that during his first stint, Freddie Mac wanted to “bond” with Bush administration officials on the idea of creating a “home ownership society” – getting more Latinos and other minorities into home ownership – and worked with Gingrich on that.

It sure looks like Newt Gingrich has some ‘splainin’ to do!

Stay tuned for the upcoming announcement of the newest Republican Presidential flavor of the week. Who will it be? Ron Paul? Rick Santorum? Jon Huntsman? One thing is certain however, it will not be the all but certain eventual nominee, Mitt Romney.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I Am Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg

I AM GINGRICH

(sung to the Helen Reddy song “I Am Woman”)

I am Gingrich, hear me snore
The G.O.P. showed me the door
In ’98, I was thrown out on my rear end
‘cause I called for a class war
When Clinton dallied with that whore
So what if I also had a lady friend

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

Now I’ve shown you that I’m tasteless
By calling Sonia a racist
When I’m the guy that bloviates on ghettos
My lies will grow much stronger
And my nose will grow much longer
When I start to call Sotomayor a “Hoe”

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

I am Gingrich don’t you know
Democrats know that I blow
Fox News spreads my fat visage across the land
And I’ll use those embryos
And those nameless “baby does”
If it helps me to advance my final stand

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I am wrong (wrong)
And I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich
Oh, I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong

(Fading)
I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong
I am Gingrich

Like Rick Perry, Heraman Cain Is Simply Too Stupid To Be President!

Last week, we pointed out the numerous reasons why Republican Presidential candidate Rick Perry is too stupid to be the President of the United States. We highlighted his inability to speak articulately in a debate as demonstrated by his childlike  on-stage arguments with Mott Romney and his “oops moment” of being unable to name one of the Cabinet agencies he would abolish. We also mentioned his bizarre New Hampshire stump speech wherein his speech was slurred, he made crazy faces and made odd references. In fact, he generally made no sense at all. It appeared that he was either drunk or overly medicated. When you add in the fact that he was placed on academic probation while attending Texas A&M, it is easy to see that of the two, George W. Bush was even smarter than Rick Perry. By the way, that isn’t saying much for the intelligence of Texas Governors.

This week we have a different dunce to discuss. Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain is now giving Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann (to be addressed in an upcoming post) a run for their money in the Stupid Race. Thus far Cain has released his 9-9-9 tax plan which included a 9% national sales tax. When it was revealed that the sales tax was a regressive tax on the poor and working/middle class, the non-economist architect of the plan admitted that the sales tax must be slashed. Thereafter, it was determined that the Cain plan would guarantee tax reductions to the super wealthy while raising taxes on approximately 80% of the population who are not so fortunate to be included in that category. Then, during an interview on PBS’ NewsHour, Cain warned that China has indicated it is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” Unbeknownst to Cain, China has had nuclear weapons since 1964. Cain has also stated that he could imagine a situation in which he would negotiate with terrorists if he were President.  All of this shows that Cain’s grasp of knowledge of tax policy and foreign policy is tenuous at best.

This week, Herman Cain’s grip was severed completely. In a very illustrative post, NPR.org revealed the most recent example of Cain’s complete lack of understanding of foreign policy. NPR reveals that during an interview with the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on Monday, Cain demonstrated “a flamboyant confusion over his position on Libya.” Here is how NPR explained it:

In a meeting Milwaukee Journal Sentinel staff members, a journalist asked the Republican presidential candidate a question that wasn’t exactly one of those “gotcha” queries. Paraphrasing, the question was: Do you agree or not with President Obama’s Libya policy?

“OK, Libya,” Cain said closing his eyes, then looking up, then leaning forward, a man clearly trying to summon up from somewhere in his brain that Libya stuff.

After several seconds, some facts seemed to come to him, sort of. But he didn’t appear certain.

With the deliberateness of a skater testing the thickness of pond ice in early winter, he spoke slowly without any of the verve or certainty he would have had if the question had been about, say, his 9-9-9 plan.

CAIN: “President Obama —- supported the uprising, correct? President Obama called for the removal of Gadhaffi. I just want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing before I say ‘Yes, I agree’ or ‘No, I didn’t agree.

“I do not agree with the way he handled it for the following reasons. Umm. No that’s a different one. “I’ve got to go back to see. I’ve got all this stuff twirling around in my head.”

Then he has an idea. How about buying some more time by asking the journalist to clarify:

CAIN: “Specifically, what are you asking me did I disagree or not agree with Obama?”

The journalist restates and elaborates on the question, ending with “How would you have handled it?”

CAIN: “Here’s what I would have done differently. I would have done a better job of determining who the opposition is. And I’m sure that our intelligence people had some of that information. Based upon who made up that opposition, might’ve caused me to make some different decisions about how we participate. Secondly, no I did not agree with Gadhaffi killing his citizens.

“Absolutely not. So something would have had to have been, I would have supported many of the things that they did in order to help stop that. It’s not a simple yes-no because there are different pieces and I would have gone about assessing the situation differently which might have caused us to end up in the same place. But where I think more could have been done was what’s the nature of the opposition.”

Shortly after this, however, Cain badly contradicts himself. He has been criticizing Obama for not thoroughly assessing the situation but then acknowledges he has no idea what kind of assessment Obama and his national security team conducted.

The moment comes when a second journalist asks Cain if he would have backed away from U.S. involvement in Libya due to the uncertainties he cited about the Libyan opposition’s composition or the way forward. Cain again says he couldn’t give a yes-no answer because “all of those things should have been assessed.”

To which the journalist asks: “You don’t think they were assessed?”

CAIN: “I don’t know that they were or were not assessed. I didn’t see reports of that assessment.”

Let’s be unequivocal about this folks, Herman Cain does not even have a rudimentary knowledge of foreign policy. In a knee-jerk response to any question about a tactic or policy of the Obama Administration, he will automatically oppose whatever it is that Obama has said or done without having any ideas of his own as to what should have been said or done in the alternative. Such a characteristic shows only bullheadedness and not careful thought. That is exactly the type of presidency we had for 8 years under George W. Bush and we are continuing to suffer the disastrous consequences of that man’s knee-jerk actions of tax cuts, deregulation and war to this very day. We do not need a repeat performance under a Herman Cain presidency which would also be likely to include a growing list of sexual misconduct allegations.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

One After 9-0-9 song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TipfIUP1kAE

THE ONE AFTER 9-9-9

 (sung to the Beatles song “One After 9-0-9”)

Rick Perry says he’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
He says, “Move over Herman, the best damn tax plan is mine”
He says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay a price”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

Cain’s plan has got to go cuz his sales tax is a penalty
Herm loves foolin’ round but never fool around with me
Rick says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay twice”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

I love to brag ‘bout my creation
My objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is my bag, mine alone
I hope I ain’t,  got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

(drinking and/or medication break)

Rick loves to brag ‘bout his creation
The objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is his bag, Romney clone
Bet your ass, he got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9


Simply Stated, Rick Perry Is Too Stupid To Be President

The Republican Presidential field of candidates is fast becoming the most unqualified and ridiculous bunch of coconuts to ever fall out of the tree. Here is what some pundits are saying. “As a Republican, I am panicking”, said Debra Saunders of the San Francisco Chronicle. Philip Klein of the WashingtonExaminer.com says the field is “incredibly weak” and the candidates are variously “uninspiring, unserious, unprepared, dishonest, unreliable, inexperienced, inconsistent or ideologically malleable,” and not one of them “seems up to the task at hand.” George Will of The Washington Post adds, “has conservatism really come so far, surmounting so many obstacles, to settle, at a moment of economic crisis, for this?”

Consider what we have witnessed even before a single primary vote has been cast. The self-described fiscal conservative Newt Gingrich was discovered to have approximately $1 million in credit charges at upscale jeweler Tiffany & Co. while his campaign is simultaneously approximately $1 million in debt. Ron Paul has advocated that people without health insurance should either rely on the charity of friends or die from lack of medical treatment. Mitt Romney continues to flip-flop by changing his positions on issues on a near daily basis and he believes that “corporations are people.” Rick Santorum believes that the certain result of same sex marriages is sex with dogs. Michele Bachmann believes that the HPV vaccination causes mental retardation and she also believes that her crop of uber-conservative GOP rivals are “frugal socialists.” Herman Cain has more sexual harassment charges levied against him than Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson combined and nobody knows who Jon Huntsman is.

The biggest joke of all however, is Rick Perry. This guy’s ten gallon hat is simply filled with ten gallons of dumb. Take for example, his bizarre stump speech antics last Friday in New Hampshire. His speech was slurred. He made crazy faces. He made odd references. Often times he made no sense at all. It appeared that he was either drunk or overly medicated. It was sad to see a potential Presidential nominee in this condition. It was even more tragic to think that a person such as this could aspire to occupy the highest office in the United States.

Things got even worse at the Republican debate which followed. Perry simply made a fool of himself in front of his GOP opponents, the moderators, the live audience and the television audience. The Texas Governor was asked a question about his tax and spending plan — but completely blew the answer by looking like a complete fool. Perry was listing the three Cabinet agencies he wants to abolish — and forgot the third one. Here is how it transpired:

  • Perry:  And I will tell you it is three agencies of government when i get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see…Okay. Commerce, Education, and the —”
  • Romney:  EPA?
  • Perry:  EPA, there you go.
  • Moderator:  Seriously, is EPA the one you are talking about?
  • Perry:  No sir, no, sir. We are talking about the  – agencies of government – EPA needs to be rebuilt.
  • Moderator:  You can’t – you can’t name the third one?
  • Perry:  The third agency of government I would – I would do away with education, the Commerce…Commerce and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.

Stick a fork in Rick Perry because, like Herman Cain, he is done!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0

RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)-Rick Perry Version

(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I have no clue
And my brain cells are so very few
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

But i do know one thing that is true
Pilgrims came in 1492
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim to be be an “A” student
Somethings I’ll never be
But maybe my being a “D” student, baby
Lets me revise history

Don’t know much about history
Don’t believe biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Won’t give climate change a second look

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

(Ponzi Scheme break)

And I do know you’ll love Rick Perry
The new brain-trust of the Tea Party
What a right wing world this will be

Cain Is Not Able

As usual, we ask that you click on the song link here before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music which we now refer to as “Herman’s Theme”.

Part-time Republican Presidential candidate and full-time “player” Herman Cain was forced to hold a press conference last night to address the five (and counting) separate allegations of sexual misconduct which have emerged during the last two weeks. Before a throng of inquisitive media members, he said of all the allegations, “They simply didn’t happen. They simply did not happen.”

Cain’s denials came on the very same day that a fifth woman, Donna Donella emerged with the charge that in 2002, Cain tried to get her to arrange a dinner with a “lovely young lady” in the audience at a speech that he was giving. Additionally, just prior to Cain’s press conference, one of his original accusers revealed her identity. Karen Kraushaar was one of the women who received a settlement payment as the result of her sexual harassment charges and she told CNN that Cain is a “serial denier”. She also said that she would like to hold a joint press conference with all of the other alleged Cain victims so that the public could better understand his misbehavior.

At the abbreviated press conference, Cain was aggressive. He not only denied all of the allegations levied against him, but he also called one of his accusers, Sharon Bialek a liar. On Monday, Bialek said that Cain reached under her skirt and pressed her head toward his crotch when she was visiting him in Washington to get job hunting advice after she had been “terminated” from the National Restaurant Association. Last night Cain described Bialek as a “troubled” woman put up to making false allegations by forces trying to derail his presidential bid. He gave no details however,  as to who believes is behind the scheme except that it might be the amorphous “Democratic machine”. That seems unlikely in that Ms. Bialek has been a long-time registered Republican.

Cain took questions but provided few answers at his press conference. He essentially said that he had no recollection of any of the alleged events ever happening. He attempted to get away with saying that Kraushaar’s complaints had been found to be baseless, but when a reporter asked exactly which court, board or other trier of fact had made that determination, Cain backtracked. He was forced to admit that the victim’s lawyer and the Restaurant Association’s lawyer simply negotiated a monetary settlement to end the matter. When asked by another reporter if he would be willing to take a lie detector test to rebut the multiple claims that he engaged in sexual harassment, Cain said, “Yes. I absolutely would.” Once again however, he quickly backtracked and said, “But I’m not going to do that unless I have a good reason to do that.” It certainly appears that he has a good reason to do that if he wants his campaign to continue.

Cain will have another opportunity to fully address these claims further at the Republican Primary Debate tonight in Michigan. It will be interesting to see if the moderator or one of his GOP opponents brings up the topic. Even if the sexual misconduct subject does not emerge however, Herman Cain has plenty of other problems to address. For example, he will be forced to defend his 9-9-9 tax plan which has been recently exposed for having the effect of decreasing the tax burden on the nation’s super wealthy while increasing the tax burden on approximately 80% of working/middle class Americans. Another topic may be Cain’s spectacular ignorance of military foreign policy. That was revealed last week when, during an interview on PBS’ NewsHour, Cain warned that China has indicated it is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” Unbeknownst to Cain, China has had nuclear weapons since 1964. Cain has also stated that he could imagine a situation in which he would negotiate with terrorists if he were President. His Republican opponents are likely to engage in a pig-pile of criticism over those topics alone.

All in all, one thing has become certain over the last few weeks. Cain is not Able!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Rock You Like A Hurricane song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI2COawqMJQ

FONDLED BY OL’ HERMAN CAIN

 (sung to the Scorpions song “Rock You Like A Hurricane”)

You had no warning
No time to shout
Now you are shaking
Time to speak out
Herm Cain was purring
And stroking your skin
Something’s gone wrong
He’s done it again
His lips looked hungry
And his breath smelled
What’s with those pinches?
Tell me, pray tell
Cain is a bum
His speech slurred and slow
You want to leave but…
Herm won’t let you go

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain

Cain says he is yearning
Don’t try to shout
This liar is cunning
There is no doubt
Done this for ages
Plies gals with booze
Tries to get naked
Lets no-one refuse
His fingers crawling
Cain’s a real pro
When Herm is hungry
He runs the show
He’s lickin’ his lips
Now he’s movin’ in
On the hunt tonight
He took off his ring

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain

Fondled by ol’ Herman Cain!

(9-9-9 tax break)

It’s Wednesday morning
The truth comes out
Herm Cain is shaking
He’s done no doubt
His deeds recurring
Over again
Campaign’s long gone
In light of his sins
He’s so appalling
The world now knows
Despite his money
He’s a side-show
He’s a sinking ship
Despite all his spin
His wife leaves tonight
It’s over for him

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am.

Herman Cain’s “Idea Of A Stimulus Package”

"You want a job, right?"

Once again, we ask that you click on the song link here before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music.

Things are going from bad to worse for Herman Cain on a near daily basis. As the saying goes, “when it rains it pours” and Herman Cain is now seeking shelter from the storm of his lifetime. It is only a matter of time now before he is forced to mimic John Edwards and withdraw from the race for the Republican Party nomination for President of the United States. With the rare exceptions of President Clinton and David Vitter, things rarely go well for politicians who are faced with allegations of multiple instances of sexual misconduct. See Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Bob Packwood (a very suitable name mind you), Joe Scarborough and Arnold Schwarzenegger to name just a few exposed philanderers.

Yesterday, it was revealed that a fourth woman may have been sexually harassed by Herman Cain during his tenure with the National Restaurant Association. Sharon Bialek claims that Cain sexually assaulted her in 1997 and at a press conference with her attorney, Gloria Allred she said that she hopes he will come clean about other allegations of sexual misconduct. CNN reports that Bialek said Cain reached under her skirt and pressed her head toward his crotch when she was visiting Cain in Washington to get job hunting advice after she had been “terminated” from the National Restaurant Association. She said that when she protested, Cain asked, “You want a job, right?” Bialek’s attorney said that when her client sought employment advice, Cain instead provided her with “his idea of a stimulus package.”

Ouch! These are the most detailed descriptions of Cain’s alleged sexual proclivities to date and they are sure to leave a permanent scar. The question now is, who will Cain blame for enticing the woman to take her story public? When it was revealed last week that two former female employees of the National Restaurant Association had received settlement packages from the association as the result of their charges of sexual misconduct, Cain immediately blamed the Rick Perry camp, then the Mitt Romney camp, then a former staffer and finally the liberal media. Who will it be this time?

To add insult to injury, the sexual misconduct charges were not the only problems facing Cain in the last few weeks. His ignorance of foreign relations was exposed last week when, during an interview on PBS’ NewsHour, Cain warned that China has indicated it is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” Unbeknownst to Cain, China has had nuclear weapons since 1964. He has also stated that he could imagine a situation in which he would negotiate with terrorists if he were President.

All of this of course, follows upon Cain’s 9-9-9 tax plan debacle. It did not take long for economists to reveal that although Cain’s tax plan would certainly decrease the tax burden of the nation’s super wealthy, it would also raise taxes on approximately 80% of the population who find themselves in the working/middle class. Even one of the architects of Cain’s plan later said that a 9% national sales tax would scuttle the plan and advocated for its removal. That opened the door for Cain’s challenger Rick Perry to reveal a tax plan of his own. The details of Perry’s plan are sketchy at best but he advocates for a flat 20% tax on everyone. Like Cain’s plan however, the Perry plan guarantees a tax decrease for the wealthy but not for the working/middle class who would only have the option of retaining their present tax rates. consequently, Perry’s tax plan seems just as destined for failure as was Herman Cain’s. The difference is that Perry’s candidacy at least looks as if it may survive a few more weeks.

Ah, Herman Cain we hardly knew ye!

UPDATE: More Suspicions “Aroused”

We have some breaking news this morning. A fifth woman has just come forward and accused Herman Cain of more sexually objective behavior. The Washington Examiner reports that Donna Donella, a then-United States Agency for International Development worker, claims Cain tried to get her to arrange a dinner with a “lovely young lady” in the audience at a speech he gave in 2002. Donella says,

“And after the seminar was over, Cain came over to me and a colleague and said, ‘Could you put me in touch with that lovely young lady who asked the question, so I can give her a more thorough answer over dinner?’”

Donella then went on to elaborate that she and others in the organization were suspicious of cain’s motives and declined to set up the date. Cain responded, “Then you and I can have dinner.” That’s when two female colleagues intervened and suggested they all go to dinner together, Donella said. She added that Cain ordered $400 worth of wine, then skipped out on the check.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

One After 9-0-9 song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TipfIUP1kAE

THE ONE AFTER 9-9-9

 (sung to the Beatles song “One After 9-0-9”)

Rick Perry says he’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
He says, “Move over Herman, the best damn tax plan is mine”
He says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay a price”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

Cain’s plan has got to go cuz his sales tax is a penalty
Herm loves foolin’ round but never fool around with me
Rick says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay twice”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

I love to brag ‘bout my creation
My objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is my bag, mine alone
I hope I ain’t,  got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

(drinking and/or medication break)

Rick loves to brag ‘bout his creation
The objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is his bag, Romney clone
Bet your ass, he got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

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