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Hooray!!! The Sarah Palin Comedy Show Redux !!!
Hold on to your seats folks. The fun may be set to begin again. Just when you thought you had laughed at every clown in the Koch Bros. and Tea Party Flying Circus, we may have a new entertainer re-emerging. No, not Herman Cain. Nope, not Chris Christie. We are not even speaking of The Donald. We may have ourselves a genuine mental case resurfacing in the field of Republican Presidential candidates. Ladies and gentlemen please rise and put your hands together for none other than “The Alaska Disaster”, “The Queen of Quit”, Sarah Palin!
Seriously. This is not a joke. While appearing on Fox News (where else?) last night, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska said that she may enter the race despite her firm pronouncement to the contrary on October 5th. When asked by the host whether anybody else might still get involved in the presidential race, Palin said “It’s not too late for folks to jump in. Who knows what will happen in the future.”
Bloggers everywhere are now salivating. There is nothing more entertaining than watching Sarah Palin make a public fool of herself as she tries to make a point. Remember the time when she was speaking at that farm while a poor turkey was having his head chopped off right behind her? How about the time she was caught with crib-notes written on her hand during a televised interview? Who will ever forget the time that she completely botched the purpose and method of Paul Revere’s famous Midnight Ride just after she visited the Old North church in Boston? Then there was the time when she could not tell a 5th grader what the Vice president does. Most entertaining of all, of course, were her hilarious televised interviews with Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. Ahhh, those halcyon days of Palin!
This may be the best Christmas present many of us could possibly hope for.
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday season inspired song parody.
Winter Wonderland song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcAuqshkqE
PALIN BLUNDERLAND (Part 2)
(sung to the Ray Conniff Singers version of “Winter Wonderland”)
Sarah P., are you listening?
Intellect, you are missing
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland
Quit your job on July third
You belong where you’re not heard
Go back to Hong Kong
Please take Todd along
Living in a Palin blunderland
You can even bring that “Plumber Joe”, man
He can fly the jet as you leave town
He’ll say, “You still married?”
You’ll say, “No, man!”
But you can have the job
When we touch ground
Later on, you’ll conspire,
To get Tina Fey fired
The price that you paid
To be renegade
Living in a Palin blunderland
Sarah P., are you listening?
What’s that sound that you’re hissing?
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland
You have all the warmth of a fresh snowman
And all the smarts of a circus clown
You sold some books and made a lot of dough, man
They had no verbs but had a lot of nouns
You just love oil well drilling
And your polar bear killing
You frolic and play, the G.O.P. way
Living in a Palin blunderland
Palin’s “Undefeated” Suffers Crushing Defeat
Sarah Palin’s attempt at marketing herself by means of a theatrical film is egocentric at best and flat-out comical at worst. Palin, the greatest self-promoting narcissist this side of Donald Trump and P.T. Barnum commissioned a conservative filmmaker to make a $1 million feature-length motion picture about her. Real Clear Politics reports that she hired some unknown by the name of Stephen K. Bannon to produce, film and market the ego-stroking movie titled “The Undefeated” The film is about Palin’s political career up to the point of her disastrous run for the vice presidency in 2008 in which she (and John McCain) were soundly defeated. Inasmuch as Palin was also defeated in the 2002 election for Alaska’s lieutenant-governor, the film’s title appears to be rather misleading.
In “The Undefeated”, Bannon’s (and Palin’s) goal is, as Real Clear Politcs puts it, “to help catapult Palin from the presidential afterthought she has become in the eyes of many pundits directly to the front lines of the 2012 GOP conversation.” That website also reports that although Palin is not interviewed directly, the film features on-camera interviews and commentaries from 10 Alaskans who played different roles in her political rise, as well as six Lower 48 denizens who defend her in more visceral terms, including prominent conservative firebrands Mark Levin, Andrew Breitbart and Tammy Bruce. How is that for a trio of radical propagandists? The film extols every one of Palin’s minor successes but fails to even make mention of the less flattering topics, such as the Troopergate saga — which had little effect on the VP campaign but left a lastingly negative impression of Palin in the eyes of many Alaskans — and her unimpressive series of interviews with Katie Couric. But really, would you expect anything different from Palin? She does not take criticism well and always portrays herself as a victim.
One major obstacle to the film’s goal of re-booting the Palin image however, is that next to nobody will ever actually view the film. The movie opened yesterday, but distributors put the film in just 10 AMC theaters nationwide, mostly in reliably conservative markets like Dallas, Texas and Orange County in southern California. Adding insult to injury, it does not appear that even those hand-picked theatres can attract an audience. For instance, Conor Friedersdorf of The Atlantic reports that only he and two other patrons attended the opening screening at the Orange County, CA theatre (and the other two folks left after only 20 minutes). Friedersdorf reports that after the movie concluded,
“I found a theater manager, told him I was a reporter, and asked if he could give me numbers about ticket sales. ‘Did anyone pay and not show up?’ He said that they’d sold out all the Harry Potter movies until 2 a.m., and that all 5,000 seats looked full. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I saw the Sarah Palin movie. Do you know the figures for that one?.’ ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘I can’t release sales figures.'”
Yikes. now we know that more people will show-up to view a car accident scene than to watch a film about Palin. It is evident that the former ex-quitting half-term Alaskan Governor’s 15 minutes of fame are over. She has been replaced in the category of moon-bat crazy female Teapublican whacko by Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann. So what does the future hold for Caribou Barbie? Lynnrockets‘ guess is another reality television series.
Perhaps it will be titled, “The Really Biggest Loser”!
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
TURN THE PAGE
(sung to the Bob Seger song “Turn The Page”)
On a long and lonesome highway
East of Wasilla
Do we even need to mention
Palin travels with her throng
She’s a winkin’ blinkin’ woman
Who dresses like a sidewalk whore
The big country she is wandering
On book-tour number two
Sarah’s signing books for hours
And she’s counting all her loot
Still, her poll numbers are slidin’
And there’s not much she can do
Hey, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page
Sarah slithers in a Border’s Books
And she mounts her throne
Her supporters in a long queue
They’re donating all they own
They consider it loyalty dues
Tribute their queen is owed
Most times when you hear her talk
You can’t understand
All those nonsense clichés
Formed in Palin-Land
For those blatant gaffes and blunders
She earns one-hundred grand
Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page
Palin loves the spotlight
Maybe more than Tina Fey
Despite all of her energy
Her fame will fade away
She will become a nobody
Just a slice of yesterday
Sarah’s selfish scheming
And the hate-speak that she spreads
Along with all of those blatant liars,
Fox News talking heads
The Tea Party’s new Penthouse Pet
Sounds like “Uncle Jed”
Ah, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page
Ya, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
There she goes
Palin To Arizona To US Senate… Hmmm
Julie Driscoll of Examiner.com has written a very interesting piece.
She speculates that Sarah Palin may have recently purchased a new home in Arizona. By the way, what is it with the Palins and Arizona? First, Sarah Palin ran on the same presidential ticket as an Arizona senator. Next, her sniper-sighted advertisement was associated with the shooting of Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. Not too long thereafter, we were told that former unwed teen mother Bristol Palin had purchased a home in Arizona where she would live while pursuing her college degree at Arizona State University. That whole story proved to be a false alarm of course, when Bristol announced last month that she was moving to Los Angeles to share an apartment with two men while filming (what else but) a reality television series. Now it’s Sarah Palin to Arizona? What gives?
The house in question is described as an “8,000-square-foot, dark-brown stucco home with a guard gate that can keep unwanted visitors away. It has six bedrooms, five bathrooms, a six-car garage, a swimming pool and spa, and a full basement with a home theater, billiards room and wine cellar. Safari Investments LLC paid $1.695 million cash for the home in a deal that appears designed to cloak the identity of a high-profile buyer.” Driscoll says that the “high profile buyer” is rumored to be none other than the former ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska.
Reason for the change of locale? Driscoll opines that it is so Sarah Palin can run for the US Senate seat being vacated by fellow liar and Republican John Kyl. Kyl you might remember, is the guy who lied on the Senate floor when he said that that 90% of Planned Parenthood services were abortion-related, when in fact, the actual number is 3%. Palin of course, lies about everything from saying “Thanks, but no thanks” to that bridge to nowhere, to suggesting to Katie Couric that she was involved in trade missions with Russia, to proclaiming that the Democratic Party health care reform law included “death panels”. Hence, an Arizona senate seat is the perfect place for a liar.
So what will it be? A run for the presidency? A run for an Arizona senate seat? Or neither? Please do tell, Sarah. Enquiring minds want to know.
In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
Born To Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wgnTU31z7s
BORN TO RUN
(sung to the Bruce Springsteen song “Born To Run”)
In the day she sweats it out on the streets, she’s a runner-up beauty pageant queen
At night she tears her hair out in worry atop Todd’s snow-machine
Hate filled rages at the five and dime
High heeled, misdirected and sporting a sixties beehive, Whoa
Wasilla town hopes she never comes back
She’s a dumb quack, a political hack
Sarah speaketh with a forked tongue
But tramps like her, baby they were born to run
(yes she will run)
Sarah’s got thin skin but she’ll run again
She can’t find work on television
SarahPAC will cater to her whims
Their dedicated to her mission
Together they will dish out crap
She’ll run till she drops, maybe from a heart attack, Whoa
All her friends, she’ll continue to hire
‘cause baby she wants to be the next “Decider”
But her wagon has lost all its wheels
She behaves like a little child girl, a pitbull refusing to heel
(full of baloney)
(Twitter break)
She’s filled with malice right down to the bones buried in her backyard
She casts no reflection in brand new mirrors
Like a vampire caught off guard
Her unfeeling heart, rises cold and dark
A dominatrix with an iron fist
She’s gonna try to befriend thee in the deep dark night
With a wink and a blown kiss, Huhh
(Facebook break)
(one two three four…)
She’s got a bunch of Fox News zeroes that fuel her hopes and drive
Sarah Palin likes you if you are white and have no use for gay pride
Every Wednesday she will give an address
That will reveal all the madness in her soul, Whoa
Someday girl, we don’t know when, you’ll learn that you’re a disgrace
Something we already know, her career will be done
But till then just like puss, Sarah will return to run
Oh, Sarah just like puss, baby we hope that you run
Please believe me, all of us baby, sure hope that you will run
Sarah Palin Is Not Tina’s Fey(vorite) Person
America as a nation owes a substantial debt of gratitude to Tina Fey. This wonderful woman did more to reveal the ridiculousness of Sarah Palin during the 2008 Presidential election campaign than did any single member of the “lamestream” media. OK, Charles Gibson and Katie Couric also did their part. Nevertheless, it was Tina Fey who made it all so humorously memorable. Who will ever forget when she gave a spot-on Palin impersonation and said, “I can see Alaska from my house” or “Katie, I’d like to use one of my lifelines, I’d like to phone a friend”?
How about when she simply parroted the near exact words of Sarah Palin giving an answer during the Katie Couric interview on the subject of the bank bailout which Palin was in favor of before she was against it? If you do not remember that, do not worry. Here it is the original and the Tina Fey version for your viewing pleasure. (For the second video you will be prompted to click on the YouTube link.)
Thanks for the memories, Tina.
Well, lucky for us, Tina Fey is not quite done ribbing Palin. Fey was awarded the 2010 Mark Twain Prize for Humor a few weeks ago and she went at Sarah Palin yet again. Upon accepting the award, she said the following:
I would be a liar and an idiot if I didn’t thank Sarah Palin for helping get me here tonight. My partial resemblance and her crazy voice are the two luckiest things that ever happened to me. And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women – except, of course –those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape ‘kit ‘n’ stuff,” Fey said. “But for everybody else, it’s a win-win. Unless you’re a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years – whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know – actually, I take it back. The whole thing’s a disaster.
You just have to love Tina Fey. Brava!
In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!
Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0
RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)
(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)
Don’t know much about geography
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange
But I do know I love my shoes
And I really love my beehive ‘do
What a right wing world this should be
Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice
Yes, I do practice “politics of hate”
And I love to equivocate
What a right wing world this should be
Now I don’t claim that I can see Russia
From my living room bay
And I do not star on “Thirty Rock”, baby
That’s the talented Tina Fey
Don’t know much about interviews
Don’t know many Supreme Court views
Can’t name any books that I’ve read
Sure glad Bristol and Levi aren’t wed
But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be
And I do know you’ll love Sarah P.
We’ll be a nation of Scientology
What a right wing world this will be
Christine O’Donnell’s “All Of Them Any Of Them” Moment
Wow! Did you Rocketeers see the Christine O’Donnell/Chris Coons debate on CNN last night? If that performance by O’Donnell did not put the final death-inducing stake in her candidacy’s heart, then… Oh, wait a second there, wrong analogy. Let’s try again. If that performance by O’Donnell did not resemble death-inducing water being poured upon this witch’s candidacy, then what will?
Neither the debate moderators nor Chris Coons even delved into the juicy stuff that the witchcraft dabbling, satanic-alter dating, non-masturbating, meatball-loving would-be Hare Krishna must have feared would surface during the debate. There was no need to. Christine O’Donnell committed political suicide simply by either failing to answer the position questions that she was asked, or by contradicting herself repeatedly. She truly displayed a Palinesque ability to make a fool of herself in a situation where she was forced to answer un-screened questions.
In future posts, Lynnrockets will comment upon many of the witchy woman’s blunders but today we will focus on her Sarah Palin inspired “all of them any of them” moment. Everyone remembers back in 2008 when Palin was asked by Katie Couric in a nationally televised interview, “What other (i.e. other than Roe v. Wade) Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?” The completely dumbfounded Palin answered, “Ummmmm, well let’s see, in the course of the great history of America there have been rulings that there’s never gonna be consensus by every American and there are those issues again like Roe v. Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there, there would be others”. Kouric then followed-up with the completely unfair “gotcha question”, “Can you think of any?” To which Palin responded, ” Well, I would think of, of any again that could best be dealt with on a more local level that maybe I would take issue with. But, UMMM, as a mayor and then as a governor and even as a Vice President if I’m so privileged to serve, would be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today”. Translation? Sarah Palin was incapable of naming even one other Supreme Court decision.
That Palin gaffe was so widely spread across this great nation of ours that one would think that any serious future candidate for public office would hone-up on a few Supreme Court decisions. But we are talking about Tea Party darling Christine O’Donnell. She adores her “Mama Grizzly” so much that when asked exactly the same question, she mimicked her mentor to a “tea”. Let’s go to the transcript, shall we?
KARIBJANIAN: Well, we’ve talked about the Supreme Court, and obviously a United States senator has the opportunity to determine in a way the make-up of that court. So what opinions of late that have come from our high court do you most object to?
O’DONNELL: Oh, gosh. Give me a specific one, I’m sorry.
KARIBJANIAN: Actually, I can’t, because I need you to tell me which ones you object to.
O’DONNELL: I’m very sorry. Right off the top of my head, I know that there are a lot, but I’ll put it up on my Web site, I promise you.
BLITZER: Well, we know you disagree with Roe versus Wade.
O’DONNELL: Yes, but that was — she said a recent one.
BLITZER: Well, that’s relatively recent.
O’DONNELL: She said, of late. Yes, well, Roe versus Wade would not put the power — sorry, it’s 30 (ph)…(CROSSTALK)
BLITZER: But since then, have there been any other…(LAUGHTER) BLITZER: … Supreme Court decisions?
O’DONNELL: Well, let me say, about Roe versus Wade, Roe versus Wade, if that were overturned, would not make abortion illegal in the United States, it would put the power back to the states.
BLITZER: But besides that decision, anything else you disagree with?
O’DONNELL: Oh, there are several, when it comes to pornography,
when it comes to court decisions, not just Supreme Court, but federal
court decisions to give terrorists Miranda-ized rights.
I mean, there are a lot of things that I believe that — this California decision to overturn “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell,” I believe that there are a lot of federal judges who are legislating from the bench.
BLITZER: That wasn’t the Supreme Court, it’s a lower court.
O’DONNELL: That was a federal judge — that’s what I said, in
California.
Incredible! With over two years of preparation for that question, Christine O’Donnell was still unprepared to name a Supreme Court decision. Things could only have been funnier if O’Donnell was asked to name the newspapers or magazines that she reads so as to stay abreast of the news and she parroted the Palin answer, “All of them any of them”. If “imitation is the best form of flattery”, then Sarah Palin should be gushing with pride this morning.
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
Lady Madonna song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rlCNswKvk8
CRAZY O’DONNELL
(sung to the Beatles song “Lady Madonna”)
Crazy O’Donnell, headed for defeat
Sarah Palin’s pal is a dumb dead-beat
Use donor’s money when you pay your rent
Did you think that money was heaven sent?
Every night you prove you are a fruit-cake
Every morning you blame everyone
Come November 2 when you lose your race
Where will you run?
Crazy O’Donnell, you sure failed your test
You and you’re Tea Party are such a mess
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da…
You’re dead and done
Crazy O’Donnell, all those things you said
About not masturbating in your own bed
Thank God your campaign will soon be ending
Then you can go back where you came from
The things you said we were not comprehending
Not even one
Crazy O’Donnell, could not take the heat
Now we laugh as she goes down in defeat.
Sarah Palin: A Twittering Chronic Facebook Malcontent
In light of this week’s flurry of childlike Twitter tweets against both Alan Grayson and new White House Chief of Staff, Pete Rouse, it is painfully obvious that Sarah Palin will disagree with any Democratic Party member’s words or actions simply to provide an opposition. If a Democrat claimed that the earth is round, she would say it is not. If a Democrat said he had dinner in the evening, she would say that it was consumed in the morning. Her tactic is quite reminiscent of the “bridge to nowhere” situation when she said “thanks” before saying “thanks, but no thanks”.
It is not surprising however, that the former half-term ex-quitting Governor of Alaska only utilizes the sophomoric forms of communication known as Twitter and Facebook and the comfy confines of Fox News to distribute her anti-Democrat invectives. After all, the entire nation witnessed her inability to handle interviews with unscripted questions during the 2008 campaign when she was publicly humiliated by her inability to field questions from Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. perhaps Alan Grayson said it best however, in his retort to the Queen of Quit,
“What is it about Sarah Palin and Twitter? Is Palin fond of tweeting because she can draft a tweet on her palm? Is it that 140 characters represents the maximum length of Sarah Palin’s attention span?”
Way to go, Alan. Let her have it with both barrels.
Finally, you must ask yourself, “why is Sarah Palin such a big fan of Facebook”? After all, the medium was the invention of one of those elitist Ivy League students hailing from the elitist of elite East Coast Ivy League institutions known as Harvard? Then again, the uninformed Palin is probably not aware of that.
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
Things We Said Today song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwokRK8P6D4&feature=related
THINGS SHE SAID TODAY
(sung to the Beatles song “Things We Said Today”)
Thinking of Sarah P.
Up there in the snow
Thinking she’s “mavericky”
Little does she know
Somedays when I’m lonely
Pining for old Tina Fey
Then I will remember
Things she said today
She’s not a refined girl
Disgraced in prime time
And she’s not a kind girl
She wallows in the slime
Her words have no meaning
But she sure has a lot to say
It’s fun to remember
Things she said today
She has such a simple mind
With nothing to say that isn’t fluff
Nonetheless she is inclined
To just have her way by talking tough
Yet she’s a blind girl
She’s a phony one
Despised and maligned girl
She will soon be gone
Ego that needs weaning
Lacking in the skill of word play
She cannot remember
Things she said today
She had lots of books to sign
What were her supporters thinking of?
Did they feel left behind
When she went away and had enough
Of being kind, girl
She said she was done
Let them wait in line girl
Take your cash and run
Someday when she’s scheming
Hand in glove of her next pay-day
Will Palin remember
Things she said today?