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Republicans Question Gingrich’s Qualification To Be President

All in all, Republican presidential candidate Newt “Philanderer” Gingrich did not have a very good day. The most recent GOP frontrunner and flavor of the week, resembled a punching-bag yesterday as just about everybody took a well-deserved jab at him.

First, his chief rival Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney gave Newt a body blow. This was probably in response to Gingrich’s Iowa political director’s contention that Romney’s religion (Mormon) is a “cult”. That was sort of a strange comment coming from a person who supports a candidate who has belonged to at least three different religious affiliations. In any event, Romney, during an interview with the New York Times, in reference to Gingrich, said, “Zany is not what we need in a president. It may work on talk radio… But in terms of a president, we need a leader.” A Romney political action committee then delivered a crushing uppercut by releasing a campaign ad that portrays a Gingrich candidacy as a dream-come-true for Democrats. It states, “Barack Obama’s plan is working. Destroy Mitt Romney. Run against Newt Gingrich.” Adding to the onslaught, the Romney campaign then released a new web ad that features Gingrich and House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi in their now infamous plea to combat man-made climate change.

Mitt(wit) Romney was not the only person to attack Newt Gingrich however. The Occupy Wall Street movement delivered a few blows of its own at during a speech Gingrich was delivering at the University of Iowa. The speech was interrupted when Occupy Iowa City protesters started shouting. The heckling halted Gingrich’s speech for several minutes. Then during the answer and question portion at the end of the speech, one protester  went after Gingrich by saying, “Seems like you have a Ph.D. in cheating on your wife.”, in reference of course, to Gingrich’s history of extra-marital affairs.

The tag-team of Gingrich assailants then reverted back to members of his own Republican Party. First, while speaking at a Washington forum, Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) said, “I’m not sure he’s as conservative as some people think he is.” Boehner then ducked answering a question about whether Gingrich would make a good president.

Boehner’s non-vote of confidence followed upon former Republican Senator Alan Simpson’s statement to Bloomberg News that Gingrich “is for himself before he is for anybody.” Simpson recounted how Gingrich, then House minority whip, broke ranks at the last minute with his party’s leadership to oppose the 1990 budget agreement between Republican President George H.W. Bush and a Democratic-controlled Congress. “It was the most hurtful and duplicitous thing I have ever seen,” Simpson said.

Even the moonbat-crazy wing of the Republican Party is now backing away from Newt Gingrich. During a televised interview with CNN’s “American Morning”, former witchcraft dabbler, serial non-masturbator and election losing Christine O’Donnell crawled out of the shadows and zinged him. She said, “People are trying to paint Newt Gingrich as the anti-establishment candidate, which I think is funny. So many tea partiers are flocking behind Newt Gingrich, I decided to come out and say…the tea party I don’t think should be behind Newt at all.” Not for nothing, but any day that Newt Gingrich has his name mentioned in the same sentence as Christine O’Donnell, is not a good day for Newt Gingrich.

To make matters even worse, the conservative magazine The National Review printed an editorial which was a punch in the nose to Gingrich. The editors warned against nominating Gingrich by saying, “The White House seems winnable next year, and with it a majority in both houses of Congress. We fear that to nominate former Speaker Newt Gingrich, the front-runner in the polls, would be to blow this opportunity.” Ouch! That is going to leave a quite visible mark!

Gingrich is taking a serious verbal beating from his own party members and the blows are beginning to take their toll. The most recent NBC/Wall Street Journal national poll illustrates this. The poll reveals that half of all Republican voters surveyed said they won’t vote for Gingrich in the general election, and he trailed President Barack Obama by 11 points in a hypothetical contest.

Perhaps retiring U.S Rep. Barney Frank of Massachusetts sized-up Gingrich best and delivered the knock-out blow. First he said that Gingrich winning the GOP nomination “would be the best thing to happen to the Democrats since Barry Goldwater.” Frank then appeared on ABC’s “This Week” and compared Gingrich to the Wizard of Oz. He said,

“Obviously Mitt Romney is the tin woodsman, without a heart. And Rick Perry is clearly the scarecrow… Newt is the Wizard of Oz. Newt is the one who… I just think there’s nothing there, he’s ginned up this whole big thing, but when people focus on him as opposed to him being the Not Romney, this is a man who served as Speaker, twice reprimanded by the House… I just think he is an obvious weak candidate.”

And so it goes. The Republicans have once again hoisted an unqualified candidate for president to the top of their ranks only to suffer from immediate buyers’ remorse resulting in the search for the next “One”. Sarah Palin – Gone. Donald Trump – Gone. Chris Christie – Gone. Rick Perry – Gone. Herman Cain – Gone, and now Newt Gingrich – Gone. When will the Grand Old Party finally realize that they are fated to nominate their poor red-headed step-child…Mitt(wit) Romney?

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HASBEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

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Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on October 29, 2010. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s backing away from Delaware senate candidate Christine O’Donnell after it became apparent to everyone that O’Donnell was crazy.

Palin Is Bailin’ On Failin’ O’Donnell

It has been less than two months since Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Christine O’Donnell for Joe Biden’s former Delaware Senate seat. On September 8th, the “Queen of Quit” retweeted a tweet from conservative radio host Tammy Bruce to her over 200,000 alleged followers. The tweet said, “@ChristineOD is great, her election must [be] a major focus for us all.” Palin then officially broke the news by calling her Fox News “BFF” Sean Hannity. Hannity then quickly sent out a Twiiter tweet which said, “Thanks @SarahPalinUSA for the last minute call in. Endorsement of Christine O’Donnell was an exclusive. Said she hadn’t told Christine yet.” Immediately thereafter, O’Donnell tweeted, “Just got Gov. Palin’s endorsement! Thank you for your prayers!” Yikes, what a frightening love triangle comprised of Palin, conservative talk radio and O’Donnell.

But, a funny thing happened on the way to a joint Palin/O’Donnell campaign appearance. O’Donnell was exposed as an unqualified fool. The whole nation became aware of her “dabbling in witchcraft”, “satanic alter” picnics, masturbation ban, evolution denying, tax evasion, college degree mystery, campaign donation games and finally, her complete misunderstanding of the United States Constitution. Nevertheless, Sarah Palin is a stalwart, loyal and dedicated supporter of her “Mama Grizzlies”. So, what did she do to rehabilitate O’Donnell’s image? Nothing. She quietly faded from the scene and thus far has avoided any attempted joint public appearance.

Our advice to Christine O’Donnell? Don’t hold your breath. There are only 3 days left before the election and Sarah Palin has hitched her caboose to the “Tea Party Express Traveling Kool-Aid Show and Freak Emporium”, which will purposely steer well clear of the Blue Hen State. Palin has made it absolutely clear that O’Donnell is persona non grata (btw, for you G.O.P. readers, persona non grata means “an unwelcome person”).

This is not surprising. Sarah Palin changes her allegiances as often as she changes her Naughty Monkey heels. When is the last time you heard her mention Meg Stapleton, Ivy Frye, Kris Perry, Kristan Cole or even Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman for that matter? Palin is fickle and loves front-runners and unfortunately for O’Donnell, the flavor of the day is Joe “computer tampering” Miller and Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. Don’t believe it, Christine? Then try contacting Sarah by telephone and see if she will “get back to ya on that”!

Face it, Christine. You are on your own till Tuesday when you become a footnote in history. Here is a little advice until then. You might consider resisting the urge to don your lady-bug costume, get blasted and go on a manhunt this pre-election Halloween. You already carry enough baggage.

A Halloween to remember.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired parody.

Witchy Woman song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d8hZtvRPno

WITCHY WOMAN (O’DONNELL VERSION)

(sung to the Eagles song “Witchy Woman”)

Crazy stare on Bill Maher’s clips
She is one of Palin’s dips
O’Donnell is our delight
She’s a crazy Tea-Bagger that’s not too bright
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

I watched Bill Maher the other night
O’Donnell was so uptight
She said Charles Darwin was out of tune,
And his evolution theory was so untrue
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

(masturbation break with oohs and ahhhs)

She can’t seem to keep a lover,
Let me tell ya brother, she’s been sleeping in the Devil’s bed.
And there’s some rumors going round,
Polls are headed down
November will be the right time
To strike this witch dead

Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

Christine O’Donnell Is Back: Progressive Bloggers Erupt In Cheer

The good times are back. It has been far too long since the nation has had the opportunity to laugh at Christine O’Donnell. Luckily for us, the three-time losing Republican Senatorial candidate from Delaware has burst back on the national stage with the release of a new book and all the accompanying shenanigans.

You remember Christine O’Donnell don’t you? She was a starring cast member in last fall’s traveling sideshow known as “The Tea-Baggers and Mama-Grizzlies Flying Circus“.  These of course, were those crazy Republican female candidates who were endorsed by both the Tea Party and Sarah Palin. Along with O’Donnell, there was Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman. Thankfully for America they all lost their respective elections.

O’Donnell however, stood out. She out-crazied everyone with the exception of Palin herself. She was without doubt, the most intellectually-challenged, gay-baiting, devil-worshipping, tax-evading, donation-abusing, non-masturbator involved in the mid-term elections. Who could forget her “I Am Not A Witch” ad and her hilarious debate performances? As Marlon Brando once said, “she coulda been a contender”. But alas, after she lost, she faded from the public spotlight.

Until now. This week she released her memoir which is appropriately titled, “Trouble Maker”. Of course she must make television appearances to promote book sales and in typical O”Donnell fashion her first one was a real doozy. She appeared on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight” on Wednesday but stormed off the set when she was asked about things she wrote in her book. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a moving picture must be worth a million words, so let’s go straight to the tape:

I think most progressive bloggers will agree when I say that I hope Christine O’Donnell stays in the public arena for a very long time.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down the Tea Party too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking her brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Maher is now the snitch
Who threw the strike-out pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!

Christine O’Donnell Book: Mistake To Say “I Am Not A Witch”

Do you remember Christine O’Donnell? She was one of Sarah Palin’s Tea Party-backed “mama bears” seeking office in last November’s midterm elections. Like most of Palin’s more radical endorsements, she lost and faded into obscurity. Until now. O’Donnell has also followed in Palin’s footsteps by just releasing a book. It is titled “Troublemaker” and she states therein that it was a mistake for her to claim that she was not a witch. Lynnrockets agrees with her emphatically. Let’s take a look book at those halcyon days of the O’Donnell candidacy for US Senator from Delaware.

This is a re-posting of a Lynnrockets column about Christine O’Donnell from September 23, 2010:

O’Donnell Chickens Out Of Televised Interviews

Sarah Palin better watch her back. Christine O’Donnell may just out-crazy the craziest Tea-Bagger we know. In just two short months this Tea-Party endorsed Palin prodigy has showed the nation that she is a true contender in the G.O.P. certifiably insane candidate category.

O’Donnell was initially exposed by the revelation that she believes masturbation is akin to adultery and for her campaign’s thinly veiled accusation that her primary opponent, Mike Castle is gay. Next, it was revealed by TV host Bill Mahar, that the family values Christian admitted on television that she dabbled in witchcraft and had a date on a blood splattered satanic alter. That revelation prompted O’Donnell to abruptly back out of two nationally televised Sunday morning talk shows last week. To add insult to injury, Mahar threatened O’Donnell that he has even more embarrassing tapes which he will slowly air prior to election day unless she agrees to appear on his current program, “Real Time With Bill Mahar”. “It’s like a hostage crisis,” Maher warned O’Donnell on Saturday night. “Every week you don’t come on this show, I’m going to throw a new body out.”

Those embarrassments were followed by Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW), a nonpartisan campaign watchdog group’s, filing a damaging criminal complaint against the O’Donnell campaign with the Delaware U.S. Attorney’s Office and the Federal Election Commission. The complaint alleges that more than $20,000 of O’Donnell’s spending in 2009 and 2010 was illegal because O’Donnell was no longer a candidate for any political office. CREW has charged that that O’Donnell routinely used campaign funds to pay for personal expenses such as meals and gas as well as to pay her personal rent and for personal travel expenses.

Well, that is certainly more than most intellectually-challenged, gay-baiting, devil-worshipping, tax-evading, donation-abusing, non-masturbators could handle. Consequently, O’Donnell told Fox News’ Sean Hannity Tuesday night that she’s not going to do any more national media interviews prior to the November election. That is certainly one way of avoiding those embarrassing questions that have surfaced regarding O’Donnell’s lifestyle and actions. Indeed, avoiding the media at all costs is the cowardly yet time proven method of all Tea-Baggers including Sarah Palin and Nevada senatorial hopeful, Sharron Angle. But is it a winning tactic? Not so far. Palin lost her only national election and Angle and O’Donnell have not yet faced a general election. But the most recent Delaware poll reveals that O’Donnell’s challenger enjoys a 16% advantage over the Tea-Bagger. According to a CNN/Time/Opinion Research Corporation poll released Wednesday, 55 percent of likely voters in Delaware say that they are backing Democratic Senate nominee Chris Coons, with 39 percent saying they support GOP nominee Christine O’Donnell. Among the wider pool of registered voters, Coons’ leads O’Donnell by a whopping 25 points. Ouch, that is gonna leave a mark.

Christine O’Donnell also has to worry about those bodies that Bill Mahar will continue to throw out there before election day if she continues to avoid an appearance on his program. What a suspenseful game of chicken is developing before our very eyes. What will happen?

Well, we now know what happened. Christine O’Donnell went on to make many more embarrassing blunders during her campaign; she was crushed in the general election; she faded into the background and she has re-emerged by virtue of her poor selling new book.

Ah Christine, we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Everyday I Write The Book” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfFunjzyIsE&feature=player_embedded

EVERYDAY SHE WRITES HER BOOK

(sung to the Elvis Costello song “Everyday I Write The Book”)

We must thank the Lord up above us
O’Donnell is such a go-getter
We’ll soon learn much more ‘bout this debtor
She got few votes, but she won’t be a footnote
She’s a girl on a mission writing her first edition

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

Chapter One, masturbating is just so wrong
Chapter Two, the recipe for witch’s brew
Her times with Hannity are the subject of Chapter Three
All of those embarrassing pics in Chapters Four, Five and Six

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

The lies she hawked
Her hate-fueled talk, she was so pissy, we laughed
In four or five paragraphs
Christine’s vile nonsense and her insane remarks
Are captured there in her quotation marks

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

Everyday she writes her book

Tho’ her book may be met with indifference
She’s not a lover she’s a fighter
With her pen and her electric typewriter
She’ll be living in her world as a martyr with no equal
She’ll still own the film rights and be working on the sequel

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book

A Saturday List To Think About And Comment Upon

Please read this list and then describe what thought comes to mind in the comment section:

  • Glenn Beck
  • Ron Paul
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • Donald Trump
  • Michelle Malkin
  • Newt Gingrich
  • Ann Coulter
  • Michele Bachmann
  • Sean Hannity
  • Sarah Palin
  • Laura Ingraham
  • Rand Paul
  • Tucker Carlson
  • Rudi Giuliani
  • Christine O’Donnell
  • Larry Craig
  • Michael Savage
  • David Vitter
  • Scott Brown
  • Dick Morris
  • Fox News
  • Dick Cheney
  • Tea Party

Here’s what comes to my mind:

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Strangers In The Night song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlSbSKNk9f0&feature=related

STRANGE ONES ON THE RIGHT

(sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Strangers In The Night”)

Strange ones on the right,
Fox News romancers
Not so very bright,
With our finances
This Tea Party love
Should be viewed as taboo

Palin shouting lies
And fear inciting
Rand Paul is hostile
And so damn frightening
Boehner has no heart
McConnell has no clue

Strange ones on the right,
Abnormal people
They are strange ones on the right
Not one sane moment
They should be in a freak-show
Little do they know
It would just enhance our day
If like Bristol they’d dance away and –

And on Fox every night,
They’re all together
Lovers on the right
In love forever
It’s an ugly sight
Those strange ones on the right

(Tea-Bagging break)

Don’t look now just glance away
Here comes their jailbird Tom Delay

You can join their fight
And hang together
Only if you’re white
Birds of a feather
Taking their last flight
Those strange ones on the right

Kids vs. Bachmann. Score: Kids 2 Bachmann 0

Two high-school students have done what the rest of America has failed to do. They have managed to scare Michele Bachmann into shutting her mouth. Each of these teens has challenged the moonbat-crazy Teapublican Rep. from Minnesota to a knowledge-based contest of sorts and on both occasions Bachmann has pulled her tail between her legs and slithered away from the competition.

First it was Amy Myers the 16 year old sophomore from Cherry Hill High School East in New Jersey who publicly challenged Bachmann to a debate on U.S. History. Her frustration with the factually-challenged Bachmann boiled over when the Representative claimed the battles of Lexington and Concord took place in New Hampshire, rather than in Massachusetts. The teen said, “It took until the 19th amendment for women to be able to vote, and now it seems like the most famous women in politics are kind of jokes. You’ve got Christine O’Donnell, who’s best known for her reputation as being a witch, then Sarah Palin, and the controversy with her and the shooting in Arizona, and then you’ve got Bachmann.”

Myers sent a letter via certified mail return receipt requested to Bachmann in which she issued the debate challenge. The text of Ms. Myers’ letter is as follows:

Dear Representative Bachmann,

My name is Amy Myers. I am a Cherry Hill, New Jersey sophomore attending Cherry Hill High School East. As a typical high school student, I have found quite a few of your statements regarding The Constitution of the United States, the quality of public school education and general U.S. civics matters to be factually incorrect, inaccurately applied or grossly distorted. The frequency and scope of these comments prompted me to write this letter.

Though I am not in your home district, or even your home state, you are a United States Representative of some prominence who is subject to national media coverage. News outlets and websites across this country profile your causes and viewpoints on a regular basis. As one of a handful of women in Congress, you hold a distinct privilege and responsibility to better represent your gender nationally. The statements you make help to serve an injustice to not only the position of Congresswoman, but women everywhere. Though politically expedient, incorrect comments cast a shadow on your person and by unfortunate proxy, both your supporters and detractors alike often generalize this shadow to women as a whole.

Rep. Bachmann, the frequent inability you have shown to accurately and factually present even the most basic information about the United States led me to submit the follow challenge, pitting my public education against your advanced legal education:

I, Amy Myers, do hereby challenge Representative Michele Bachmann to a Public Forum Debate and/or Fact Test on The Constitution of the United States, United States History and United States Civics.

Hopefully, we will be able to meet for such an event, as it would prove to be enlightening.

Sincerely yours,
Amy Myers

Michelle Bachmann’s response? Nothing. Nothing that is, except deafening silence.

The second high-school nemesis of Michele Bachmann is Zack Kopplin, a senior from Baton Rouge Magnet High School in Louisiana. Kopplin is upset that Bachmann is a strict creationist who favors the theory of intelligent design over evolution. Kopplin understands that Bachmann has a right to her own beliefs, but he will not allow her to misstate facts while doing so. For example, Bachmann has said, “there is a controversy among scientists about whether evolution is a fact … hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel prizes, believe in intelligent design.”

It is that statement that prompted young Kopplin to challenge Bachmann to name those scientists. He too has written a letter to Bachmann which states in pertinent part,

“Congresswoman Bachmann, I see your ‘hundreds’ of scientists, and raise you millions of scientists…For the next hand, I raise you 43 Nobel Laureate scientists. That’s right: 43 Nobel Laureate scientists have endorsed our effort to repeal Louisiana’s creationism law. … Congresswoman Bachmann, you claim that Nobel Laureates support creationism. Show me your hand. If you want to be taken seriously by voters while you run for President, back up your claims with facts. Can you match 43 Nobel Laureates, or do you fold?”

Michelle Bachmann’s response to this student? Nothing once again. Nothing once again that is, except deafening silence once again.

If Michele Bachmann is so very afraid of debating two high school students, imagine how entertaining it will be to watch her attempt to debate the likes of Mitt Romney or Tim Pawlenty during the 2012 primary season.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Michele song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKvee-w0uBc

MICHELE

(Sung to the Beatles song “Michele”)

Michele, from Hell
These are words that go together well,
Weird Michelle.

Michele, do tell,
Do you even possess one brain cell
One tiny cell?

Just shut up, just shut up, just shut up
You have nothing to say
Would you just go away
And crawl back under that rock from whence you
Ca-ame yesterday.

Michele, Oh well,
You’ve been put under a right-wing spell
A sure death knell

On Fox News, on Fox News, on Fox News
That’s where you’ll always be
Republican TV
With Hannity and O’Reilly
And Coulter, the queen

We mock you…

We want you, we want you, we want you,
To leave the air-waves now
And lose your job somehow
Until you do we’re telling you so
You’ll understand.

Michele, farewell
Take with you that foul sulfuric smell
Sulfuric smell.

We will say the only words we know that
You’ll understand, “Go to Hell.”

Today Is The Second Birthday Of Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off !!!

What began as a fun little pastime has blossomed into two year’s worth of blogging. In December of 2008 yours truly was recovering from knee surgery and as a means to fight the boredom of the passive-motion machine, I  started perusing the comment sections of various blogs that I happened upon. Soon thereafter, I too began leaving comments of a political nature. Then, to have some fun, I began to post a few political song parodies based upon 1960′s and 1970′s television theme songs. Eventually I began to spend most of my time on a blog known as The Mudflats because I enjoyed the numerous posts about Sarah Palin.

By the early Spring  my comments were solely of the musical kind. To be honest however, my frequent postings seemed to annoy a number of The Mudflats‘ readers who desired more prose than poems. At that point the Mudflats‘ administrator suggested that I start a blog of my own (probably to get rid of me). The idea sounded great but impossible for this computer-challenged scribe. I did not even know what the word blog meant (by the way, I still don’t). Thankfully, the friendly neighborhood Mudflats administrator held my hand and walked me through the process of creating what you are reading today. I remain forever thankful.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off debuted on May 13, 2009. Nobody noticed. Little by little however, the readership increased and the growing traffic encouraged me to carry on. The task was made easier by Sarah Palin’s ever escalating shenanigans. Palin and her crazy family were simply spoon-feeding material to comment upon. In fact, she provided so much material that I ran out of television theme songs. Consequently, I was forced to venture into the world of popular music for the song parodies. Although the pop music world seemed to unveil a limitless number of songs it also made the task of parody more difficult. You see, pop songs are a lot longer and have way more lyrics than television theme songs. Fortunately, we were then blessed with the emergence of the moonbat-crazy Tea Baggers, Michele Bachmann and Glenn Beck’s descent into insanity and the non-masturbatory life of Christine O’Donnell. Somehow we persevered and here we are today celebrating our second birthday.

I thank each and every one of you for stopping by over the last 24 months. I would especially like to thank those that leave a comment now and again. Those comments provide a sense of worthiness as well as inspiration and new material for later posts. Once again, I thank all of you.

Today’s song parody is autobiographical in nature and explains the purpose of this blog.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I Write The Songs song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-fev20voMc

I WRITE THE SONGS

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “I Write The Songs”)

I sling the jive whenever,
I sit down and scribble a song
I put the words and Republicans together
I love music,
And I love these songs

I write the songs that I hope you folks sing
I write the songs to dethrone G.O.P. kings
I write the songs that expose all their lies
I write the songs, I write the songs

I’m from a state that’s deep blue,
And we make a damned good lobster roll
No, there aren’t many right wing guys
There’s some but then, all of them are very old

I write the songs that attack the right wing
I write the songs that I hope linger and sting
I write the songs that prompt Glenn Beck to cry
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, I’ll take a hostile stance
When Limbaugh begins to rave and rant
And I’ll lead you to a poll, he can’t disprove
Palin has no heart,
So, I will tear her life apart
Hannity, Coulter too,
Also, too, O’Reilly
None of them can hide from me !!!

I write the songs about Mark Sanford’s flings
I write the songs about Larry Craig’s stings
I write the songs about Mark Foley’s guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs about Joe Wilson’s slings
I write the songs of Vitter’s diapery things
I write the songs about all of those guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I love music, so I write these songs

Christine O’Donnell Says “No” To Dancing But “Yes” To Writing

Unfortunately, we learned this morning that we will be deprived of the chance to laugh out loud at this season’s version of “Dancing With The Stars”. It was announced that Christine O’Donnell will not participate in the greatly anticipated parade of fools. This means that we have been denied the opportunity to guffaw at yet another political conservative as they try to get their “cool-on”. Remember Tom “Convicted Felon” Delay’s effeminate rendition of “Wild Thing”? Could anyone forget Bristol Palin’s gorilla suit? Oh, what could have been as Christine O’Donnell donned her witch costume or pranced around carrying a vibrator.

But alas, we must carry-on without the twice-failed Teapublican candidate for a Delaware Senate seat. There is a silver lining however. In a statement, O’Donnell says she instead wants to devote her time to completing a book on the 2010 election. She said:

“I’m honored to have been invited to participate in one of the few uplifting TV shows out there. The physical challenge made it all the more appealing. Meeting challenges head-on makes us stronger. Yet, for now, I have another challenge before me; to complete a book that tells the story of the 2010 election cycle with the dignity and respect it deserves. It is my hope that this book will serve as a clarion call to my fellow citizen-activists by taking the reader beyond petitions and protests and articulating not just what we should do, but why we must do it.”

“My goal is for the book and the new PAC I’m starting to serve as resources to activate and motivate those in this middle-class movement who worked so hard to launch the new revolution. If either of these projects were further along, I would be lacing up my dancing shoes right now.”

Christine O’Donnell will follow in the footsteps of her “Mama Grizzly” Sarah Palin and write a memoir. It is certain to be a compelling read as she describes in lurid detail, her date on a satanic alter. She may relate all her deep insightful bedtime thoughts while she was busy not masturbating. She might more fully describe her statement to Bill Maher that “evolution is a myth”. She can even provide us with her interpretation of the U.S. Constitution which she believes provides for a full co-mingling of church and state. Finally, we can only assume that the final chapter will be devoted to her defense of the federal investigation into her alleged misuse of campaign contributions for such personal purposes as rent, food and vacation travel. Oh, this book should be a doozy.

Stay tuned for more details.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Everyday I Write The Book” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfFunjzyIsE&feature=player_embedded

EVERYDAY SHE WRITES HER BOOK

(sung to the Elvis Costello song “Everyday I Write The Book”)

We must thank the Lord up above us
O’Donnell is such a go-getter
We’ll soon learn much more ‘bout this debtor
She got few votes, but she won’t be a footnote
She’s a girl on a mission writing her first edition

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

Chapter One, masturbating is just so wrong
Chapter Two, the recipe for witch’s brew
Her times with Hannity are the subject of Chapter Three
All of those embarrassing pics in Chapters Four, Five and Six

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

The lies she hawked
Her hate-fueled talk, she was so pissy, we laughed
In four or five paragraphs
Christine’s vile nonsense and her insane remarks
Are captured there in her quotation marks

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

Everyday she writes her book

Tho’ her book may be met with indifference
She’s not a lover she’s a fighter
With her pen and her electric typewriter
She’ll be living in her world as a martyr with no equal
She’ll still own the film rights and be working on the sequel

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book

Lynnrockets’ Political Oscar Night Recap

John Boehner thanks the Academy

What with all the attention focused on Hollywood last night, you might not have noticed that the City of Boston held the 235th annual Political Oscars. The storied event was held on the U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) in Boston Harbor so that the Tea Partiers in the audience would feel at home. Prior to the ceremony, the nominees were paraded along the famous Freedom Trail past such historic sites as America’s first voucher-less public school, Paul Revere’s home, the site of the Boston Massacre and the Bunker Hill Monument. As they boarded Old Ironsides, they were pelted with tea-bags before they took their seats on the poop-deck. The event was not widely seen on television because all of America’s lamestream media networks were covering the “other” more popular pageant in LA. Thankfully, Al Jazeera did cover the event.

And the winners were…

Best Female Violent Rhetoric: Failed Nevada Republican Senate candidate Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle

– Runner-up: Reality TV host Sarah Palin – “It’s time to reload”

Best Male Violent Rhetoric: Fox News host and self-described “rodeo clown” Glenn Beck who said, “I want to kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel”

– Runner-up: Failed Arizona Republican Congressional candidate Jesse Kelly who, while running against Gabrielle Giffords, held a fund-raising event that was advertised as “Help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office. Shoot a fully automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly”

Best Female Fictitious Memoir: Reality TV host Sarah Palin for her “America By Heart” wherein the self-professed founding fathers-lover wrote, on page 189,  about the opinions of Founding Father John Adams, including his famous quotation, “we have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion.”   Her mistake is not in her analysis of the importance of faith to John Adams.  No, her error came in claiming that he had been a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention.” The reality is that John Adams did not participate in the Constitutional Convention. He was Ambassador to Great Britain at the time.

– Runner-up: Condoleeza Rice’s “Extraordinary, Ordinary People” because it fails to mention a single thing about the run-up to the invasion of iraq.

Best Male Fictitious Memoir: George W. Bush who quoted in “Decision Points”, Gerhard Schröder (then German Chancellor),  as having said of the run-up to the Iraq invasion, “What is true of Afghanistan is true of Iraq. Nations that sponsor terror must face consequences. If you make it fast and make it decisive, I will be with you.” Bush then wrote, “I took that as a statement of support. But when the German election arrived later that year, Schröder had a different take. He denounced the possibility of force against Iraq.” Schröder however has had this to say about Bush, “Just as I did during my subsequent meetings with the American president, I made it clear that, should Iraq … prove to have provided protection and hospitality to al-Qaida fighters, Germany would reliably stand beside the US. This connection, however, as it became clear during 2002, was false and constructed.”

– Runner-up: Donald Rumsfeld’s “Known and Unknown” in which he wrote, “Powell was not duped or misled by anybody. Nor did he lie about Saddam’s suspected WMD stockpiles. The president did not lie. The vice president did not lie. (CIA Director George) Tenet did not lie. Rice did not lie. I did not lie. . . . The far less dramatic truth is that we were wrong.” ‘Nuff said.

Best Republican Propaganist (TV): Fox News

Best Republican Propagandist (Radio): Rush Limbaugh

Best Tan: Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner (pronounced “boner”)

– Runner-up: President Barack Obama

Most Creepy Sex Scandal: Todd “First Dude” Palin for having sex with the same prostitute that wife Sarah Palin frequented for massages

– Runner-up: Former married GOP Rep. Chris Lee from New York for posting an eerie shirtless Craigslist ad allegedly searching for both female and transsexual sex partners

Biggest Lie Of The Year 2010: PolitiFact editors and reporters have chosen “government takeover of health care” as the 2010 Lie of the Year. Said Jonathan Oberlander, a professor of health policy at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill:  “The label ‘government takeover” has no basis in reality, but instead reflects a political dynamic where conservatives label any increase in government authority in health care as a ‘takeover.’ ”

– Runner-up: Moonbat-crazy Teapublican Rep. Michele Bachmann’s (MN) claim that Obama was going to spend $200 million a day on a trip to India.

Most Racist State: Arizona, for its unconstitutional “Show me your papers” law

State Which Spends Least Per Pupil On Education: Arizona

Highest Profile Employer of Illegal Immigrants: Failed GOP gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman of California

– Runner-up: Failed GOP presidential candidate Mitt(wit) Romney of Massachusetts

Most Chaste Politician: Failed GOP senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell of Delaware who does not masturbate

– First runner-up: Former ex-quitting half-term Republican governor of Alaska Sarah Palin who’s husband allegedly gets his action from her masseuse

– Second Runner-up: Bristol Palin, the former unwed pregnant teen and single mother who now preaches abstinence

Most Unlikely Presidential Candidate: Republican Donald Trump who would lead this nation out of the worst economic downturn since the great depression with the knowledge and skill he acquired after having filed for bankruptcy on at least four occasions

– Runner-up: Sarah Palin, who said on her failed un-reality television program that she’d rather be in Alaska “than in some stuffy old political office.”

It was a truly memorable night and after all the awards were handed out, the winners and runner-ups all accompanied Master of Ceremonies Charley Sheen down to Boston’s notorious red-light district “The Combat Zone” for more fun and frolic!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

A Friday Three-fer

Three things caught the attention of Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off in the last few days.

1.  CNN reported that Democratic Massachusetts Rep. Michael Capuano came under fire for heated comments he made at a union rally earlier this week. Capuano spoke at a rally outside the statehouse in Boston Tuesday in support of Wisconsin state workers. He encouraged union members to challenge a proposal that would limit collective bargaining rights stating, “Every once in a while you’ve got to get out in the streets and get a little bloody when necessary. This fight is worth it.”

The seven-term congressman was one of many who called for toned-down rhetoric after the shooting of Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords last month, and therefore his rhetoric seemed a bit strong. Indeed, Capuano himself realized this fact an offered an almost immediate apology for his words. He said, “I strongly believe in standing up for worker rights and my passion for preserving those rights may have gotten the best of me yesterday in an unscripted speech. I wish I had used different language to express my passion and I regret my choice of words.”

Capuano is mulling over a bid to take on Republican Sen. Scott Brown in 2012 and has said he will decide by this summer. At this point, Mike Capuano is Lynnrockets‘ choice to replace Brown.

2.  In contrast to the way Democrats are handling the use of violent rhetoric, we have Republican Georgia Rep. Paul Broun. You might remember Broun as being the guy who was forced in 2008 to apologize when he likened then-President-elect Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler. He also drew national attention last month when, live tweeting during President Obama’s State of the Union Address, he wrote among other criticisms, “Mr. President, you don’t believe in the Constitution. You believe in socialism.”

According to the Athens Banner-Herald, at a town hall meeting last night, the first question asked of Broun was “Who is going to shoot Obama?”. Shockingly, the comment drew laughter from the crowd, but Broun did not exactly denounce the comments, according to the paper. His reply? “The thing is, I know there’s a lot of frustration with this president,” he said in response. “We’re going to have an election next year. Hopefully, we’ll elect somebody that’s going to be a conservative, limited-government president … who will sign a bill to repeal and replace Obamacare.”

As is the case far too often, if a Republican is not personally vomiting-out violent rhetoric, he or she implicitly condones such language by his or her supporters. The difference between the demeanor of the parties could not be more apparent.

3.  We have saved the best for last. Dancing with the Stars is already searching for potential stars to train with professional dancers in the next season of the hit ABC show. Christine O’Donnell has reportedly been asked to be on the show. O’Donnell is still unsure if she will accept the offer to dance. “My initial thought was to decline,” she said. O’Donnell said that she didn’t think that her dancing abilities were up to par, but she’s reportedly still deciding on whether or not she wants to try her chances on the show. Lynnrockets wonders if she is also mulling over potential costumes. The obvious choice is, of course, a witch, but she could also pull-out the infamous Halloween lady-bug duds. Stay tuned.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

“Dancing Queen” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

CHRISTINE THE DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can’t dance, she can lie, She is absurdly pro-life
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, witchcraft scene, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Looked like an ass on Bill Maher’s show
She loves that right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

She will trip and she will slide
Our laughter won’t be denied
Out of step to the music. Christine is not refined
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Christine dance…

Christine the dancing queen, two left feet, flubbing her routine
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
If by chance she survives, will it ignite her sex-drive?
(Ooooh)
O’Donnell, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she’ll turn ‘em on
Hellfire burning on her front lawn
She’s a spell-casting mother cooking-up her brew
She’ll put ‘em in a trance
Let’s all watch Christine dance…

Christine’s the dancing queen, two left feet, flubbing her routine
Dancing queen, turning green on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Will she make it to Round 5?
(Ooooh)
O’Donnell, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Christine’s the dancing queen