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Rick Santorum Was A Frothy Candidate

As you all know by know. Republican Presidential candidate Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum quit the race yesterday. He will be missed. The GOP clown-car full of candidates has now been reduced to three. This insane asylum of characters once included, Tim “Good ‘n” Pawlenty, Michele “The Founding Fathers Worked Tirelessly To End Slavery” Bachmann, Herman “Raising” Cain, Jon “Who” Huntsman and Rick “Dumber Than Bush” Perry. We were also teased with the potential candidacies of Donald “Birther” Trump and Sarah “Death Panels” Palin. Still, Santorum will be missed.

No longer is there an extreme homophobe in the race who can vomit out the sort of frothy mixture of ignorance and fear that Santorum had mastered. No longer is there a racist who believes only black people receive entitlement benefits. No longer is there a candidate who believes that parents who desire to send their children to college are “snobs”. No longer is there a person who throws-up when he reads president Kennedy’s speech about the separation of church and state. Finally, no longer is there a candidate who advocates that young Americans put a “Santorum” bumper sticker on their car to serve their country rather than putting-on a military uniform.

Political Humor/About.com has compiled a wonderful list of these and other moonbat-crazy Rick Santorum quotes as follows:

1. “In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.” —Rick Santorum , speaking to a reporter in 2003, who said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was going to talk about ‘man on dog’ with a United States senator, it’s sort of freaking me out.”

2. “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country…. Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s okay, contraception is okay. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” —Rick Santorum, interview with CaffeinatedThoughts.com (October 2011)

3. “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.” —Rick Santorum, campaigning for president in Iowa (January 2012)

4. “President Obama wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob … Oh, I understand why he wants you to go to college. He wants to remake you in his image.” –Rick Santorum, speaking to a Tea Party group in Michigan (February 2012)

5. “Earlier in my political career, I had the opportunity to read the speech, and I almost threw up.” –Rick Santorum, on JFK’s 1960 speech about the importance of separation of church and state (October 2011)

6. “The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn’t want to answer — is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, ‘We’re going to decide who are people and who are not people.'” —Rick Santorum, CNS News interview (January 2011)

7. “I think the Democrats are actually worried he (Obama) may go to Indonesia and bow to more Muslims.” –Rick Santorum, Fox News interview (May 2010)

8. “[Gay marriage] is an issue just like 9-11… We didn’t decide we wanted to fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It was brought to us. And if not now, when? When the supreme courts in all the other states have succumbed to the Massachusetts version of the law?” –Rick Santorum, interview with the Allentown Morning Call (February 2004)

9. “Is anyone saying same-sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?” –Rick Santorum, in a Philadelphia Inquirer column (May 2008)

10. “The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical. And that is what the perception is by the American Left who hates Christendom. … What I’m talking about is onward American soldiers. What we’re talking about are core American values.” –Rick Santorum, campaigning for president in South Carolina (February 2011)

Bonus quote:
“We have brave men and women who are willing to step forward because they know what’s at stake. They’re willing to sacrifice their lives for this great country. What I’m asking all of you tonight is not to put on a uniform. Put on a bumper sticker. Is it that much to ask? Is it that much to ask to step up and serve your country?” —Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), during his losing 2006 re-election bid, urging supporters to put a Rick Santorum bumper sticker on their cars.

Ahh Rick, we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have much more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Another One Bites The Dust” song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krfEcvBfUY4

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

 (sung to the Queen song “Another One Bites The Dust”)

Rick walks warily down Wall Street
He now has nowhere to go
Santorum knows the taste of defeat
The lights went down on his show

Was he ready?
Was he ready for this?
To hide his face and flee in retreat?
Rick wasted every bargaining chip
Now he’s facing the heat

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Same is true for Bachmann too
Another one bites the dust

Rick Perry was a clown who didn’t belong
Pawlenty’s been long gone
Herman Cain was just a philandering cad
Huntsman was just an unknown

Are they happy, are they satisfied?
They all looked bad in defeat
They all were given the ol’ pink slip
Now they’re out on the street

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, when will Gingrich be through?
Another one bites the dust

(misinformation break)

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust

There are plenty of ways you can beat this clan
And bring them to the ground
You can beat ‘em
And defeat ‘em
It is really sad, they are all such wimpy clowns
They’re unsteady,  they’re completely unglued
A pile of homophobic meat
Mitt Romney’s known to flop and to flip
Paul is old and so obsolete

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, the G.O.P. is through
Another one bites the dust

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Is Mitt(wit) Romney A Liar, Stupid or Both?

Lynnrockets hereby apologizes for the long break between posts. Thanks to those of you for sending emails and inquiring if everything is “OK”. Rest assured that all is well. Sometimes life gets hectic however and some things require more attention than others. In short, I was simply a little too busy with my real job for the last month and something had to make way for awhile. Unfortunately, that “something” was Lynnrocket’s Blast-Off. In an attempt to be “fair and balanced” (pun intended) however, the next time that things get very busy, something else will be temporarily put on hold rather than this blog. After all, they say a person can go about three weeks without eating.

In any event, let’s get back to business.

The proverbial “Fat Lady” is now singing. The 2012 Republican primary race is over. Newt Gingrich has conceded that rival Mitt Romney is “far and away” the most likely candidate to win the Republican nomination. Rick Santorum has lost a string of primaries and may even lose to Romney in his very own home state of Pennsylvania. Bring on Romney v. Obama!

Rest assured that this will be an uphill battle for Mitt Romney. All seven of the most recent nationwide polls (Rasmussen, USA Today/Gallup, CNN/Opinion Research, McClatchy/Marist, PPP, Reason-Rupe and even Fox News) presently reveal that Obama will beat Romney in a head-to-head election. Additionally, all six of the most recent polls (Gallup, Rasmussen, CNN/Opinion Research, McClatchy/Marist, Reason-Rupe and Fox News) reveal that President Obama’s job approval rating is on the rise. Yet, those are not the only problems facing Romney.

Mitt Romney’s biggest obstacle to getting elected may be his own ignorance and/or his penchant for lying. By now, everyone is aware that Romney  has switched positions on most every single policy stand he has taken since being in politics (See abortion, Romneycare, gun regulation, immigration, etc.), but he also has a problem telling the truth. For the last several weeks, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow has been posting columns on her “The Maddow Blog” titled “Chronicling Mitt’s Mendacity” in which she reveals the many lies of Mitt Romney. Maddow’s chronicles have thus far added up to twelve lie-filled volumes. Please do yourselves a favor and read them all here.

Here is a just a sampling of some of Mitt Romney’s most outrageous whoppers since February of this year:

1. Campaigning in Wisconsin, Romney complained, “The president put an ad out yesterday, talking about gasoline prices and how high they are. And guess who he blamed? Me!”

That’s not true; Obama’s ad does not blame Romney for gas prices. It simply tells voters that the oil companies are supporting Romney’s campaign.

2. In an ad, the Romney campaign argued that Obama “has managed to pile on nearly as much debt as all the previous presidents combined.”

That’s not even close to the truth.

3. In an interview with James Pethokoukis, Romney insisted that Obama has “launched an all-out attack on small business.”

In reality, Obama has cut taxes on small businesses, eased the process that allows small businesses to be created, and streamlined the patent process.

4. Rolling out his new stump speech this week, Romney claimed, “Barack Obama presided over the first trillion-dollar deficit in American history.”

That’s incredibly dishonest. The deficit Bush left for Obama to clean up was $1.3 trillion on the day Obama was inaugurated.

5. The Romney campaign argued this week that Romney, during his only term as governor, had “four years of budget surpluses.”

Actually, Romney left his successor a $1.3 billion deficit to clean up.

6. In the same speech, Romney said, “Through it all, President Obama has failed to even pass a budget.”

That doesn’t even make sense — presidents don’t pass budgets; Congress passes budgets.

7. In the same speech, Romney said, “As I have said many times before, the President did not cause the economic crisis, but he made it worse.”

Romney is lying because he’s also said the American economy has improved under Obama.

8. Romney argued this week, “There’s no question that when [President Obama] ran for office, he said he wanted to see gasoline prices go up.”

No, he didn’t.

9. Romney also told Fox News’ Bret Baier this week about President Obama, “This is a president [who] simply does not have experience in tough situations.”

That’s ironic coming from a coddled multi-millionaire from a powerful, wealthy family, but it’s also blatantly untrue. Obama has experience leading the nation during a time of multiple ongoing crises. Love him or hate him, the economic crisis, the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, the strikes on bin Laden and al Qaeda, and the offensive in Libya count as “tough situations” — tougher than anything Romney has ever seen in his entire life.

10. Romney promised, “Instead of raising taxes, I will cut them.”

Well, he’d cut taxes for most folks, but for those working families struggling most, the Romney plan calls for a tax increase.

11. Romney also told Mississippi Republicans about the president, “He was going to cut the budget deficit in half. He’s doubled it.”

This is one of Romney’s favorite lines, but it’s simply absurd on its face — he’s either lying or he’s bad at arithmetic. When Obama took office, the deficit was about $1.3 trillion. Last year, it was $1.29 trillion. This year, it’s on track to be about $1.1 trillion. Does Romney not know what “double” means? (Even if we believe Romney is confusing the words “deficit” and “debt,” it’s still wrong. The only modern presidents to double the debt on their watch were Reagan and George W. Bush. Obama inherited a $10 trillion debt, and it’s nowhere near $20 trillion.)

12. As Paul Krugman noted, Romney also argued that gasoline prices are high because President Obama won’t allow unrestricted drilling in the Gulf of Mexico and the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

What Romney’s saying just isn’t true.

13. Romney told Fox News’ Megyn Kelly, “Time and again, I pointed out I’m not in favor of a health care plan that includes a national mandate.”

Time and again, Romney has said he’s in favor of a health care plan that includes a national mandate.

14. Commenting on his health care reform law in Massachusetts, Romney told voters in Ohio this week, “Early on, we were asked if what you did in Massachusetts should be something you’d have the federal government do? I said no from the very beginning. No. This is designed for our state and our circumstance.”

He was lying.

15. Romney said of Obama this week, “He gave a speech the other day at his State of the Union address. He didn’t even mention the deficit or the debt.”

Obama mentioned the deficit and the debt six times in his State of the Union address.

16. Romney argued, “President Obama wants to raise your taxes; I’m going to cut them.”

Actually, Obama only wants to raise taxes on those making over $250,000 a year. Romney proposes massive tax breaks, except for those struggling most — their taxes would go up under Romney’s plan.

17. Referring to the president, Romney argued, “He also promised he’d cut taxes for middle-income Americans. Hasn’t done that, either.”

Actually, Obama has cut middle-class taxes several times over the last three years. If this is supposed to be one of Romney’s key areas of interest, how could he not have noticed this?

18. Romney argued this morning, “You know how many trade agreements this president has negotiated? Zero.”

Panama, Colombia, and South Korea know better.

19. Romney claimed that Syria is Iran’s “route to the sea.”

Iran has 1,520 miles of its own coastline — and doesn’t share a border with Syria.

20. Romney told Fox News’ Neil Cavuto he tried to “remove” the contraception mandate in Massachusetts, but the state legislature wouldn’t let him.

That’s not what happened.

Paul Krugman, noting Romney’s dishonesty, recently said the Republican presidential candidate “seems confident that he will pay no price for making stuff up.” Given the frequency with which he repeats falsehoods, it seems clear Krugman was right.

And the list goes on and on and on and on and……..

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

“Johnny B. Goode” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8JULmUlGDA

ROMNEY’S NO GOOD

 (sung to the Chuck Berry song “Johnny B. Goode”)

Way down Louisiana and in New Orleans
Mitt Romney looked dejected in his pressed blue jeans
He’s not very welcomed in that neighborhood
He’s not a country boy and they think he’s no good
They never ever saw a person lie so well
They are not really so sure that Mormons can avoid hell

No No
No Romney No
No
No Romney No
No
No Romney No
No
No Romney No
No
Romney’s no good!

Mitt Romney was a pro-choice star but then he went back
He fathered RomneyCare and that is a fact
Oh, the Mitt(wit) penned his dog in a kennel he made
Up on top of his car, the dog was afraid
People passing by they would point and say
Who treats a dear family pet that way?

No No
No Romney No
No
No Romney No
No
No Romney No
No
No Romney No
No
Romney’s no good!

(Tax Break For The Rich)

Mitt Romney is nothing but a flip-flopping man
He changes his positions as fast as he can
He once liked gun laws, now says they’re unsound
He’ll take any position that gains him some ground
Mitt’s really nothing but a John McCain-Lite
Sorry Romney’s no good tonight

No No
No Romney No
No No No Romney No
No No No Romney No
No No No Romney No
No
Romney’s no good!

GOP’s “Jobs Bills” Lies Exposed

If there is one single thing the Republican Party excels at, it is telling lies. Remember Sarah Palin’s “Death Panels”? How about George W. Bush’s “Weapons of Mass Destruction”? There was Ronald Reagan’s “The U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists”. We heard Mitt Romney say “Obama has made the economy worse.” Newt Gingrich said, “The $1.6 million I was paid by Freddie Mac were for my services as, uh, a historian.” Ron Paul lied about his racist newsletters and Rick Santorum said, President Obama is “driven by a phony theology – not a theology based on the Bible.” Is it any wonder that polls have shown Republican approval ratings as low as 10%?

One of the GOP’s favorite lies which is repeated by just about all of them is that they (i.e. House Republicans) have passed 30 “jobs bills” that have just been sitting in the Senate. Speaker of the House John Boehner (pronounced bo-ner) said last Sunday on Fox news (where else?), “30 jobs bills were passed over the last year in a Republican House of Representatives that are sitting in the United States Senate — thirty. Our focus over the last 12 months has been on jobs. Our focus over the course of the next 12 months is going to be on jobs.” The Republicans even have a webpage with a list of their so-called jobs bills.

Unfortunately for Mr. Boehner and the Republicans, somebody has been keeping score. Crooksandliars.com has gone so far as to point out why each of those bills is not, in fact, a jobs bill at all. Indeed, it is humorous to note that the Republicans’ web page lists only 27 (not 30) bills. There is another lie to add to the ever-growing list. The following is a brief synopsis of each alleged “jobs bill” and why it is not a “jobs bill” at all:

HR 3630 – The Middle Class Tax Relief & Job Creation Act of 2011: It cuts the 99-week maximum down to a 59-week maximum by mid-2012, allow states to drug-test UI recipients, and allow states to reduce state unemployment benefits and substitute federal funds. It also cuts funding for key provisions of the Affordable Care Act coming online. It also repeals the new timing rules for estimated corporate tax payments for companies with assets of $1 billion or more so that they can use payments of estimated taxes as a timing tool for fourth quarter profit declarations. So, where is the job creation in this bill? None of those provisions create jobs.

HR 1633 – Farm Dust Regulation Prevention Act of 2011: This bill prevents the EPA from issuing or finalizing regulations revising air quality standards under the Clean Air Act, and excepts farm dust from all references to “particulate matter.” No jobs there.

HR 10 – Regulations from the Executive in Need of Scrutiny (REINS) Act of 2011: Guts the regulation process by mandating that every regulation promulgated be approved by Congress after an onerous submission process, while exempting any Congressional finding from judicial review. Call this one the Carte Blanche For Congress To Kill All Regulatory Authority Bill.  No jobs created by this bill.

HR 3010 – Regulatory Accountability Act of 2011: This is a modified, somewhat less onerous version of HR 10, setting guidelines for whether any regulations are warranted at all even if called for under a statute. Calling an anti-regulatory statute a jobs bill is a little like calling a half-built bridge infrastructure. So again, not a jobs bill.

HR 527 – Regulatory Flexibility Improvements Act of 2011: This bill would reduce regulatory requirements on small businesses by forcing an impact study with specific focus on small business before regulation is adopted. It would limit EPA, OSHA and CFPB regulations while presumably protecting “small” closely-held Subchapter S corporations like Koch Industries. Not a jobs bill.

HR 3012 – Fairness for High-Skilled Immigrants Act of 2011: This bill would expand job immigration beyond current limits by eliminating employment-based immigrant visa caps and raising the percentage of total visas granted to 15% from 7%. For this one, I’ll say it IS a jobs bill, but not a jobs bill for American workers. It is the “Elite Immigration Jobs Bill of 2011”.

HR 3094 – Workforce Democracy and Fairness Act: This bill redefines collective bargaining units and makes significant changes to election procedures, including one intended to intimidate employees: an employer-supplied list of eligible voters with contact information provided by the employee. Not a jobs bill. A union-buster bill.

HR 2930 – Entrepreneur Access to Capital Act:This bill exempts startups raising less than $1 million in venture capital from small investors from SEC registration and oversight. Not a jobs bill. An anti-regulatory bill.

HR 2940 – Access to Capital for Job Creators Act: This bill repeals prohibitions on solicitation or advertising of a securities offering. It’s a companion to HR 2930, and is intended to allow people with no relationship to a startup company to invest in it without any oversight by the SEC. Let’s call this and its evil twins HR 2930 and HR 1965 the “Ponzi Scheme Coverup Acts of 2011”

HR 1965 – Securities Laws Amendment: This bill changes the shareholder threshhold for SEC registration from 500 to 2000 shareholders. It’s not a jobs bill. It’s a “hide from the SEC” bill. Its companion, HR 1970, would exempt SEC registration of public offerings under $50 million rather than the current $5 million threshold.

Many More EPA Acts: So many they don’t deserve to be broken down individually. HR 2273 removes coal ash regulation from the EPA and hands it to the states. HR 2681 would put a legislative stay on cement manufacturing emission standards. HR 2250 would put a legislative stay on EPA boiler MACT rules. HR 2401 would require analysis of all EPA regulations relating to air, waste, water and climate change. HR 2018 would restrict EPA from issuing any revisions to existing water standards or issuing a new standard for a pollutant if the state has already adopted one or there is an existing standard in place. In other words, ignore any new scientific research after an initial standard has been set. HR 2021 amends the Clean Air Act to open oil and gas exploration off the Alaska coast. HR 910 strips the EPA of authority to regulate greenhouse gases under the Clean Air Act, a direct assault on efforts to limit man-made contributions to climate change. HR 872 expands the use of pesticides, fungicides and rodent without EPA approval. Not a job created in any of these bills.

Many More Oil and Gas Drilling Acts: There is HR 1231, which would require the Administration to allow offshore oil and gas drilling and exploration in order to meet set domestic production goals, effectively forcing the moratorium on offshore drilling to be lifted to meet goals. HR 1229 requires the Energy Secretary to consider any offshore drilling permits within 30 days of receiving it and provide application denials in writing within 60 days of the application. Another “forced moratorium lift” bill. HR 1230 forces sales of oil leases in the Gulf of Mexico and Outer Continental Shelf of Virginia. It also lifts requirements for environmental impact statements and grandfathers in a 2007 document as authority for environmental impact. No new jobs created here either.

Special Interest Legislation, or Pandering to Corporate Interests

  • HR 1904 proposes an exchange of land so that Resolution Copper, LLC can mine copper on what is now part of the Tonto National Forest.
  • HJ Res 37 is a resolution of disapproval on net neutrality.
  • HR 2587 prohibits the NLRB from restricting where an employer can locate. This is in response to the NLRB’s objection to the Boeing plant relocation to South Carolina, a right-to-work state.

These would fall under the anti-labor, anti-environment categories, but not particularly effective job creators. In fact, in Boeing’s case, the jobs lost would hurt the economy more than jobs created in a right-to-work state where employers are not obligated to adhere to industry standards on contracts, safety or other issues.

Republicans passing jobs bills? Nope. Just more GOP lies.

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av2e

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Conservatve “National Review” Tells Gingrich To Quit And Romney To Tell The Truth

The very conservative and influential (at least to Tea Baggers) National Review magazine appears to be supporting Rick Santorum in his quest for the Republican Presidential nomination. This support however, does not appear to have been earned by Santorum’s actions or policies, but rather as the result of dissatisfaction with both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney.

Indeed, on Monday the magazine straight out called for Gingrich to quit the race. The magazine states, “it would be a grave mistake for the party to make someone with such poor judgment and persistent unpopularity its presidential nominee.” The editorial indicates that by the same criticisms that Gingrich levied against Santorum earlier in the campaign, “on his own arguments the proper course for him now is to endorse Santorum and exit.” Ouch! That is sure to leave a vivid and lingering mark.

As for Mitt Romney, the magazine describes the architect of RomneyCare as follows:

“the undramatic figure at the center of the primaries’ drama. Lack of enthusiasm for him has set it all in motion. Romney is trying to win the nomination by pulverizing his rivals. His hope is that enthusiasm will follow when he takes on Obama in the summer and fall. But his attacks on Santorum have been lame, perhaps because they are patently insincere. (Does anyone believe that Romney truly thinks poorly of Santorum’s votes to raise the debt ceiling?)”

The National Review prescribes the following for him:

“Romney is a transactional politician rather than a charismatic one. Maybe he should make the most of it: Tell conservatives what they will get out of a Romney presidency. Entitlements brought under budgetary control. A more market-oriented health-care system. Judges who know their place in the constitutional architecture. Fannie and Freddie extinguished. The defense budget protected. Tax reform, and tax relief for families.”

The magazine seems to be unaware of the obvious however, when it comes to Mitt Romney. The fact is that nobody can trust Romney to do what he says. After all he has flip-flopped regarding his position on abortion; health care reform; gun rights; contraception; climate change; Don’t Ask Don’t Tell; Ronald Reagan and no tax pledges. Romney even flip-flopped on what he said was his favorite book in just a span of a few days (first it was L. Ron Hubbard’s “Battlefield Earth” and then it was “Huckleberry Finn”).

Perhaps conservatives should simply face the facts and believe what Romney said in a moment of veracity while running for Governor of Massachusetts in 2002:

“I think people recognize that I’m not a partisan Republican, that I’m someone who is moderate, and my views are progressive.”

No matter who is named the eventual Republican nominee, there is one person who will be smiling. President Barack Obama.

Since it appears that more and more Republicans are urging Newt Gingrich to go away, our song parody today will focus on the man who is soon to be forgotten history. Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Rick Perry Exits Stage Right…Very Far Right

The insane asylum that is the field of Republican Presidential candidates is losing patients at an increasing rate. By quitting the race, Tim Pawlenty, Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann and Jon Huntsman have all demonstrated vast improvement in their ability to separate reality from fantasy. Those candidates have all made substantial progress by finally realizing that it was only fantasy to consider themselves qualified contenders for the presidency. They eventually accepted the reality that they are unelectable clowns and their quitting served to release them from the confines of false illusion.

Yesterday, Rick Perry joined them on the road to recovery. He too has now quit the race.

Rick Perry in fact, may have been the most delusional of all the clowns beneath The Koch Bros. and Tea Baggers Flying Republican Circus Big Top. This Texan’s ten gallon hat was filled with ten gallons of dumb. Take for example, his bizarre stump speech antics in New Hampshire. His speech was slurred. He made crazy faces. He made odd references. Often times he made no sense at all. It appeared that he was either drunk or overly medicated. It was sad to see a potential Presidential nominee in this condition. It was even more tragic to think that a person such as this could aspire to occupy the highest office in the United States.

Things got even worse at the Republican debate which followed. Perry made a fool of himself in front of his GOP opponents, the moderators, the live audience and the television audience. The Texas Governor was asked a question about his tax and spending plan — but completely blew the answer by looking like a complete fool. Perry was listing the three Cabinet agencies he wants to abolish — and forgot the third one. Remember how it transpired?

  • Perry:  And I will tell you it is three agencies of government when i get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see…Okay. Commerce, Education, and the —”
  • Romney:  EPA?
  • Perry:  EPA, there you go.
  • Moderator:  Seriously, is EPA the one you are talking about?
  • Perry:  No sir, no, sir. We are talking about the  – agencies of government – EPA needs to be rebuilt.
  • Moderator:  You can’t – you can’t name the third one?
  • Perry:  The third agency of government I would – I would do away with education, the Commerce…Commerce and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.

It is hard to believe, but things got even worse for Rick Perry after those fumbles. While speaking to a group of students in New Hampshire, Perry misinformed his young audience that the voting age is 21 (it is 18). He also told them to vote on November 12, 2012 which is not the day of the election (it is November 6th). Then, after finishing embarrassingly low in the Iowa Caucuses, he lurched very far to the right and announced that he changed his position on abortion. He was now against abortion in all cases, even in the case of rape or incest.

Another poor showing in the New Hampshire primary sealed Perry’s fate. He has now joined the quitting team of Pawlenty, Cain, Bachmann and Huntsman.

And then there were four. The remaining lunatics are Newt “Open Marriage” Gingrich, Mitt “15%” Romney, Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum and Ron “Racist” Paul. As soon as Paul quits, America can rest assured that in 2012 there will be “No New Texans”!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Come Monday song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_lL046m1Is

DUMB PERRY

 (sung to the Jimmy Buffett song “Come Monday”)

Heading out from ol’ El Paso
For campaignin’ and making dough
Rick’s got his ten-gallon on
He’s got his Colt 45, now he can lock and load

And Romney, he didn’t know
That he’d be trailing his foe
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie

Yes, Rick Perry is a bummer
Simple talk and lack of brains
And he wants to lead our nation
Some things are hard to explain

His state’s unemployment rolls grow
Its graduation rates are so low
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
An academic haze back in his college days
His degree should have just been denied

Trouble raisin’ money
A hay-chewin’ dumb redneck cow
He’ll get the white vote in Montana
Cuz cowboys love him without a doubt

Rick craves Pennsylvania Ave. scenery
Those gals have nice smellin’ hair
He’ll love bowling on Tuesdays
Not to mention his gubmint health care

San Antonio has worn Rick quite thin
He’ll take care of his oil-drillin’ friends
Dumb Perry, he’s not too bright
Dumb Perry, way out there on the right
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie
He spends day after day in a tongue-twisted haze
And his “Ponzi Scheme” charge was a lie

More Lies At Last Night’s GOP Debate

Last night, the Republican Presidential candidates (what’s left of them, that is) held their 22nd debate thus far. If you missed it don’t worry, they have another one scheduled in just three days and then two more the following week.

By this time, the the remaining contenders Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney, Newt “3 Wives” Gingrich, Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum, Ron “Racist” Paul and Rick “Count to 3” Perry have essentially already said all they have to say on any issue. Consequently, every debate now is simply a mishmash of each candidate uttering the words “Obamacare”, “socialist”, “taxes”, “Ronald Reagan”, “job creators”, “regulations”, “class warfare”, “abortion”, “entitlements” and “one man and one woman” in between the same old lies and misstatements. Conspicuously missing from virtually all of these debates are the terms “working class” and “middle class”. Hmmm…wonder why?

Because of the numerous and repetitive nature of these Republican debates, fewer and fewer people are actually taking the time to tune in to watch them. To do otherwise would be like watching the same rerun episode of “The Bachelor” over and over again. Simply put, there is very little new and substantive material emerging from each subsequent debate.

Occasionally however, a few new and unique lies and misstatements do surface. But do not worry, we are not suggesting that you watch the debates to learn about all the misinformation the GOP candidates spew out as fact. We will take one for the team (that’s “toftt” in cool computer talk) and watch these charades for you and then identify all the Republican lies and confusion right here. So, here we go. This is all the garbage from last night’s debate in South Carolina.

First of all, we should mention that the audience once again behaved like a group of drunken lunatics who are incapable of controlling their outbursts or whooping and screaming. Their behavior makes the GOP debates seem more like an evangelical revival meeting than a serious political forum. This crazy crowd even took to booing in the middle of questions. One example is when moderator Juan Williams was questioning Mitt Romney about immigration and mentioned that Romney’s father was born in Mexico. Before he could finish the question, “Boos!” came raining down from the audience. What could they possibly have been displeased about at that point, the fact that Romney’s father was born in Mexico or the fact that Williams revealed this truth? At another point, Ron Paul was booed when he said the United States should use “the Golden Rule” – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Can you believe it? This wacky audience was booing “the Golden Rule”. This was very reminiscent of past GOP debate audiences cheering about the uninsured dying from their illnesses and cheering the fact that Rick Perry has executed more people than any other governor. What is next? Will Republican audiences boo the mail-carrier’s motto of “Neither snow nor rain nor gloom of night…”?

As for the lies and misstatements in last night’s debate, The Boston Globe has provided a fine fact-check column on the subject in today’s edition. Mitt Romney, as usual, was the biggest offender. First, Mitt Romney said “This president has opened up no new markets for American goods around the world in his three years, even as European nations and China have opened up 44.” Wrong! In fact, the Globe reminds us that “Obama revived (expired) Bush-administration-era free-trade pacts with South Korea, Panama and Columbia, all passed by Congress in October, in the biggest round of trade liberalization since the North American Free Trade Agreement and other pacts of that era. In particular, the agreement with South Korea is designed to break down barriers between the United States and the world’s 15th-largest economy. The South Korea deal has the potential to create as many as 280,000 American jobs, according to a recent assessment by the staff of the U.S. International Trade Commission, and to boost exports by more than $12 billion.”

Romney also misinformed the American people about his involvement with Bain Capital and his now admittedly false claim that while heading that firm, he created hundreds of thousands of jobs. Last night Romney said, “We invested in well over 100 different businesses. And the people have looked at the places that have added jobs and lost jobs and that record is pretty much available for people to take a close look at.” Not so fast there Mitt. The Globe reports “Romney’s record as a venture capitalist at Bain Capital has been presented by his campaign highly selectively; namely, by detailing several big success stories and ignoring the job losses that resulted from Bain-owned plants and companies that closed or shrank their workforce. His overall record is not even close to being known, because it is so complex. Many of the companies are private, without the public disclosure requirements that big corporations have, and his campaign has not released details.”

A few moments later Romney said, “Three years into office, he doesn’t have a jobs plan.” Wrong yet again! The Globe reports “Obama has proposed several plans intended to spur the economy and create jobs. The most well-known was his stimulus plan, introduced in February 2009, which included about $800 billion in tax cuts and spending. At the end of 2010, Obama struck a deal with GOP congressional leaders on a package intended to stimulate hiring and growth. The deal cut the Social Security payroll tax, which provided about an extra $1,000 a year to an average family. It also extended an unemployment benefits program that provided up to 99 weeks of aid. And in September, Obama introduced his most recent jobs plan, rolling it out in a speech to the full Congress in which he urged Congress to “pass it right away.” It included $450 billion in tax cuts and new spending, including greater cuts to payroll taxes and tax breaks for companies that hire those who’ve been out of work for six months or more.”

Not to be outdone in the misinformation category, Rick Santorum lied about negative campaign ads. He said, “My ads have been positive. The only ad that I’ve ever put up has contrasted myself with the other candidates, and does so in a way talking about issues.” Wrong! The Globe points out that “Santorum is coming out with an ad this week accusing Romney of being “just like Obama” and saying Romney “once bragged he’s even more liberal than Ted Kennedy on social issues,” two negative assertions that go beyond a mere look at issues.”

Of course, when it comes to lying, few people are better than Newt Gingrich. Gingrich was using Chile’s retirement system consisting of private accounts as a model for overhauling our government guaranteed Social Security program. He said “First of all, it’s totally voluntary. If you want to stay in the current system, stay in it. If you are younger and you want to go and take a personal savings account, which would be a Social Security savings account, you can take it.” Wrong! The Globe reveals that “There is nothing voluntary about Chile’s system. It requires that all workers contribute 10 percent of their salaries to private pension plans, plus other fees for insurance, instead of a government program like Social Security.”

Poor Rick Perry just showed once again that he is not intellectually up to the challenge to debate with adults. He foolishly described Turkey — a key US ally and NATO member — as a state “ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists.” This really does not matter however, as Perry will soon drop out of the race like so many other unqualified GOP candidates before him.

Because Rick Perry is about to disappear from the race, we dedicated today’s song parody to the dumbest Texan since George W. Bush.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0

RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)-Rick Perry Version

(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I have no clue
And my brain cells are so very few
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

But I do know one thing that is true
Pilgrims came in 1492
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim to be be an “A” student
Somethings I’ll never be
But maybe my being a “D” student, baby
Lets me revise history

Don’t know much about history
Don’t believe biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Won’t give climate change a second look

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

(Ponzi Scheme break)

And I do know you’ll love Rick Perry
The new brain-trust of the Tea Party
What a right wing world this will be

Bachmann To Leave Presidential Race For Slot On “The Biggest Loser” (Updated)

So what did we learn from the Republican Iowa caucuses? Two things. The deeply flawed GOP Presidential field of candidates is still a mess and Michele Bachmann is unelectable.

The year of Republican indecision was made public last night for the first time when Iowa voters could not choose a candidate to support as their eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Technically, Mitt(wit) Romney was declared the winner of the first in the nation contest, but he won by only a few votes. Romney edged out Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum by only 8 votes and Ron “Racist” Paul finished a close third with 21% of the overall vote. Consequently, all three of those candidates will take seven of the 25 delegates up for grabs in Iowa. That’s right, the Iowa caucuses resulted in a three-way tie for for delegates in the race for 1,144 delegates required to capture the GOP nomination. There was no winner in Iowa and that state’s Republican voters could not manage to coalesce behind and support a single candidate to oppose Barack Obama in the general election.

The rest of the GOP field finished-up as follows. Newt “Freddie Mac” Gingrich (the most recent GOP frontrunner and “flavor of the month” finished fourth with 13% of the vote and Rick “3 Agencies” Perry captured 10%. Michele “HPV Vaccine Causes Mental Retardation” Bachmann and Jon “The Only Sane Adult in the Room” Huntsman each garnered only single digit support with 5% and 1% respectively.

Keep in mind however, that the Iowa caucuses are not a very good indicator of who will be the eventual Republican nominee. In 1980, George H.W. Bush finished ahead of Ronald Reagan. In 1988 Bob Dole beat George H. W. Bush and in 2008 Mike Huckabee bested John McCain. Hence, in the big picture, Iowa means very little when it comes to picking Presidential nominees. Consequently, the 2012 Republican game of “Presidential Musical Chairs” is likely to continue with a new frontrunner emerging in almost every primary election. The bottom line is that Republican voters do not care too much for any of their candidates. It is anybody’s guess as to which one of these unqualified clowns will eventually emerge as Obama’s opponent in the general election.

One thing is clear however. Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann are likely to drop out soon. Perry at one time was looked upon as the savior of the GOP by the evangelical conservative voting bloc who want anybody other than Mitt Romney. Upon entering the race, Perry shot to the top spot but quickly vaporized when the public realized that he was dumber than George W. Bush. Remember when he couldn’t name the three federal agencies that he wanted to disband? How about when he gave that speech in New Hampshire in which he appeared to be drunk or overly medicated? Here is a little reminder:

Michele Bachmann? It should have been apparent to everybody with a pulse that she was unqualified from the very day that she announced her candidacy. Bachmann is the moonbat-crazy Tea Party darling who claims that the legendary “Shot Heard Round The World” which started the American Revolutionary War was fired from New Hampshire. She also foolishly stated that the Founding Fathers “worked tirelessly to end slavery.” She also said that judges instruct little children “to learn that homosexuality is normal and natural and perhaps they should try it.” She claims “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.” She said, “But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” She claimed that our new health care law would allow “that someone’s 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus. That night, mom and dad are never the wiser.” She said, “We’re running out of rich people in this country” and that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation! It would appear that Michele Bachmann is the one suffering from mental retardation.

The Iowa results confirm that Bachmann is not a viable candidate. As the result of her earlier Ames Straw Poll victory in the state, she went “all in” on the Iowa Caucuses. She spent countless hours and resources campaigning there and repeated ad nauseam that she was born in Iowa. Her efforts were fruitless. By receiving only 5% of the vote, she earned the title as “The Biggest Loser”. Despite the fact that evangelical conservative Republicans will vote for most anybody in an attempt to deny Mitt Romney the nomination, even they will not support Michele Bachmann (or Rick Perry).

UPDATE: Bachmann quit today. Ahhh Michele we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Bette Davis Eyes” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifDycyRNpcI

MICHELE BACHMANN EYES

 (sung to the Kim Carnes song “Bette Davis Eyes”)

Her hair is wild and bold
Her breath smells like fries
Her hands are always cold
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes
She’s a Tea Party pawn
And she never thinks twice
She’s running out of dough
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes

And she’ll fleece you
She’ll displease you
With no substance, she’ll just tease you
She’s atrocious
And we knows just what it
Takes to make this ‘Ho blush
She wants to embargo seven guys
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes

She’s out there all alone
Confused and so uptight
Don’t listen to her drone
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes
She’s made a fumble or two
Misspoken more than twice
Staffers quit on her too
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes

And she’ll fleece you
She’ll displease you
With no substance, she’ll just tease you
She’s atrocious
And we knows just what it
Takes to make this ‘Ho blush
She wants to embargo seven guys
She’s got Bette Davis eyes

She’ll tease you
She’ll unease you
Just to squeeze you
She’s got Michele Bachmann eyes

She’ll confuse you
And she’ll lose you
(fade to end)

Crazy Palin Advises GOP Candidates On New Year’s Eve

Sarah Palin celebrates New Year's Eve in Wasilla, Alaska.

The publicity hound known as Sarah Palin has emerged yet again on this, the last day of 2011. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has published a column in the Washington Post in which she gives advice to the insane clown posse of candidates for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

Think about that for a moment. As if the wacky and unqualified GOP field of candidates have not already embarrassed themselves enough already, they should now take advise from the wacky and unqualified Alaskan who proved to be the downfall of John McCain’s Presidential campaign in 2008? If such is the case, then it is evident that today’s Republican Party exists in some sort of alternative universe wherein up is down and good is bad and day is night.

What is worse however, is Palin’s actual advice. In a year-end effort to rake-in a little extra cash, she instructs the GOP candidates to buy her book. She says,

“Given the concerns I have for some of the Republican field’s focus thus far, I must implore the candidates to do something that sounds self-promoting, but whatever. Candidates, please turn to Chapter Three of “Going Rogue” and read what it takes for our country to step toward energy independence. Note the lesson I share in the same chapter about taking on the “elite,” the crony capitalists and the permanent political establishment to get a job done”

She then follows up by immediately contradicting herself. In her next paragraph she writes,

“Understand how the left’s terrifyingly naive assault on American industry exposes us to the mercy of foreign regimes whose prime objective is, at worst, our permanent demise and, at best, is stripping away our freedom.”

Didn’t Palin first say that the “crony capitalists” were the problem? Aren’t the crony capitalists those same American industries that exert unlimited influence on Congress through their highly compensated K Street lobbyists? As a result of that influence, don’t the corporate capitalist cronies gain political influence over our economy which is denied to the people? What is Palin’s point?

Her advice gets even more superficial and absurd when she says that the “prime objective” of “foreign regimes” is, at best, “stripping away our freedom”. How are foreign regimes stripping away our freedom? Of course Palin fails to provide any substantiation whatsoever for that crazy allegation.

Here’s hoping the flip-flopping duo of Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich, and the moonbat-crazy trio of  Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul heed Palin’s advise and thereby hasten their self-imposed political implosions. That would leave the only somewhat sane and adult GOP candidate in the room to move forward. Jon Huntsman would at least be a credible candidate and the general election campaign could then focus on the important issues and not simple broad talking points about “love of country” and “compassionate conservatism” and “mavericky mayhem”.

Please enjoy this New Year’s related song parody until we see you again next year. Here’s wishing a happy and healthy 2012 to all of you!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s New Year’s Eve inspired song parody.

Same Auld Lang Syne song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmdFgFyhnk

SAME OLD LAME WHINE

(sung to the Dan Fogelberg song “Same Auld Lang Syne”)

Met Sarah Palin at a Walmart store
She was shoplifting like a thief
There was no sign of kids or the “First Dude”
‘Cuz Sarah brings home the beef

I recoiled from her aging face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She knew I saw the moose meat in her purse
And then she just fibbed and lied

I said I was not a security man
And then Sarah Palin was glad
She lacked any sense of embarrassment
At the thought that she was bagged

I asked if we could have a drink or two
Cuz she was such a rising star
We met “Joe Sixpack” at the liquor store
And we three went to a bar

We drank a toast to ignorance
She was a toasted cow
She tried to explain her head’s emptiness
But she did not know how

She said she’s married to a derelict
Who can’t keep a job if he tried
She would have like to say she loved the man
But she couldn’t stand the guy

I said “death panels” were the end for her
That she could turn a Red-State Blue
And did she fear her would-be son-in-law?
She just said, “Lynn, F_ _ _  you”

She said she hated all the pro-choice whores
And that she hoped they’d go to Hell
I asked if Coulter was a “he” or “she”?
Palin said she could not tell

She toasted her omnipotence
And asked us all to bow
I said, “so long and good riddance,
I must be leaving now”

Then one last toast to ignorance
Cuz it was closing time
She lacks a sense of eloquence
But has that old lame whine

The beers were empty and our tongues were tired
Another book signing today
She put her hat on and hopped on her broom
And I watched her fly away

She graduated from a “safety school”
So she has no-one else to blame
There’s no intelligence inside her dome
That’s why she is so lame.

GOP Candidates Lie During Debate

When will the clowns seeking the Republican presidential nomination ever realize that their lies will be exposed? In this day of the internet and audio and video tape, a person’s veracity can be ascertained almost immediately. Why is it then, that the GOP candidates continue to make blatantly false statements?

The answer is simple. They know that their audience of Fox News addicts will never be correctly informed about their lies. Fox News is simply the propaganda arm of the Republican Party and consequently that station not only enables, but joins in on the spreading of GOP talking-point misinformation. Case in point is this wonderful Fox News graph regarding the unemployment rate since President Obama has been elected. Notice how the November 2011 rate of 8.6% is shown graphically as being higher than the February 2011 rate of 8.9% and the March 2011 rate of 8.8%. Indeed, the Fox News graph shows Novembers 8.6% rate as being even with October’s 9.0% rate. Quite deceiving, yet it furthers the Fox News goal of making Obama look bad despite facts to the contrary.

Last night’s Republican primary debate was broadcasted and moderated by Fox News. Therefore, please do not expect any fact checking by Fox News in the next few days. Not to worry however, CNN has done the fact checking for us. That media outlet is actually unbiased, so it exposed the lies of both Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann.

First, Newt Gingrich said, “I balanced the budget for four straight years, paid off $405 billion in debt, pretty conservative.” He was lying of course. CNN revealed that According to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office, the nation ran a deficit in 1995 (-$164 billion), 1996 (-$107.4 billion) and 1997 (-$21.9 billion). It ran a surplus in 1998 ($69.3 billion) and 1999 ($125.6 billion) all while Gingrich served as Speaker of the House. To make matters even worse, the national debt on the day Gingrich was sworn in as speaker was $4.8 trillion. Four years later, it was $5.6 trillion, an increased debt of $800 billion, according to the U.S. Treasury website. So, “No Newt, you did not balance the budget for four straight years or come close to paying off $405 billion in debt.”

Michele Bachmann did not fare much better. She said “We have an IAEA report that just recently came out that said, literally, Iran is within just months of being able to obtain that (nuclear) weapon.” Ron Paul responded immediately that her assertion was false, but she stuck with it. The fact is that the IAEA report does not say that Iran is within months of being able to obtain a nuclear weapon. Bachmann too is spreading false information.

There is not much to say about the performance of the other candidates in terms of “truthiness”. Romney was civil. Huntsman and Santorum were as invisible as ever. Ron Paul was noticeable only because he demonstratively opposed the mainstream Republican desire for more wars. Rick Perry however, provided some levity to the event when he described himself as the “Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.” Perry of course was comparing his ineptitude in debates to Tebow’s perceived poor mechanics as a football quarterback who manages to win games despite his style. Unfortunately for Perry, his failings are irreparable.

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpPdl0StUVs

HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY PERRY WISHLIST

 (sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Have Yourself A Very Merry Christmas”)

Have yourself a merry Perry wish-list
Rick loves the far right
He loves you, if you are Christian, rich and white

Have yourself a merry Perry wish-list (merry Perry wish-list)
That’s if you’re not gay (that’s if you’re not gay)
If you are, then simply pray that gay away

Rick Perry loves those olden days
Church-beholden days of yore
All those blacks that were near to us
In the rear of bus for sure

Tea-Baggers will vote for Rick together
Jews are not allowed
Muslims too are barred and for that Rick is proud
So have yourself a merry Perry wish-list now

(Rick Perry loves those olden days
Church-beholden days of yore
All those blacks that were near to us
In the rear of bus for sure)

Souvenirs of us and Rick together
He’s our sacred cow
Rick is our God on earth in the here and now
So have yourself a merry Perry wish-list now

Perry wish-list
Perry wish-list

Santorum Hopes For A Gift From Santa Palin!

Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has a couple of wishes this Christmas Season. Santorum of course, is presently just an “also ran” in the clown-car full of GOP nominee hopefuls. In fact, that cab of crazies may not even have enough room for Santorum what with the likes of Michele “HPV = Mental Retardation” Bachmann, Ron “Fort Knox is Empty” Paul, Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney, Rick “3 Agencies” Perry, Newt “Freddie Mac” Gingrich and Jon “Who?” Huntsman. Then again, Santorum may be able to squeeze himself into the rumble seat once occupied by Herman “Player” Cain. Nonetheless, Rick Santorum is hopeful and seeking a few blessings this month.

It is a desperate sense of hope however, because the things that Santorum is hoping for are the sort of things only a frantic person would desire. Wish number 1? Rick Santorum is hoping that Sarah Palin will throw him a bone. Remember Sarah Palin? She was the self-promoting, book-selling, bus-touring, tea-partying, reality television-starring Fox News contributor. She was also the failed Republican Vice Presidential nominee and former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. Well, Santorum sees her as “Santa Palin” and he is hoping she will drop down his chimney with a coveted present in the next week or so bearing a gift.

Is Santorum so bold as to expect a full fledged endorsement from Santa Palin? Not so much. While appearing on Fox News (where else?) last Sunday, Santorum said he would gladly take “any help” at all from Palin. He cited the fact that the “Queen of Quit” has often commended his “ideological consistency”. Palin has been correct in doing so because Santorum has never once wavered from his contention that gay marriage leads to sex with dogs. Of Palin, Santorum said,

“I reached out to her just to thank her for her kind comments and said I appreciate any help that she could give us. She was very kind in responding and she’s gonna make her decision as to when she’s gonna endorse or if she’s going to endorse, but I did not reach out to her before she made the kind comments about me.”

But why would Santorum want an endorsement or “any help” from Sarah Palin? She is after all,  yesterday’s news and today’s laughing-stock. Indeed while appearing on Fox News (where else) just last week Palin said, “I think my personal endorsement probably doesn’t amount to a hill of beans today, at this point in the race.” For once Sarah Palin has spoken the truth.

Oh yes, what was Rick Santorum’s 2nd Holiday wish? He hopes that nobody Googles his last name. Hint, hint.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune (if you are from Mars) and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday Season inspired song parody.

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvD9TkNlk_I

SARAH THE RED STATE BIMBO

(sung to the theme of “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer”)

You know Paris and Lindsay and Charo and Britney
Nicole, Ivana and Jessica Simpson
But do you recall the most famous bimbo of all?

Sarah the Red State bimbo
Had a very strange hairstyle
And she had a way of speaking
That reminded one of Gomer Pyle

All of the other guv’nors
Used to laugh and call her names
Because her stupid glasses
Were all lens but had no frames

Then one balmy summer day
John McCain enquired
Sarah, you’re so “mavericky”
Won’t you please be my V.P.?

Then all the dumb red staters
Wondered who the hell was she
They never heard of Palin
The Alaskan hillbilly

(Hilarious bumbling televised interview break)

Sarah the red state bimbo
Dressed like a flight attendant ‘ho
And she told lies so often
We could all watch her nose grow

All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names
They all knew Sarah Palin
Was a gal that had no brains

Then one balmy July day
They heard Sarah say,
“I won’t give up without a fight”,
“Unless I quit my job tonight”

Then how right-wingers loved her
As they shouted out with glee
“Sarah, the red state bimbo”
“you’ll go down in history”