Hey Sarah, How’s That Abstinence-Only Thingy Working Out For Your Kids?

Daryl Cagle, MSNBC.com

Lynnrockets and Co. would like to apologize to you loyal Rocketeers for our failure to post a blog entry yesterday. This Boston heatwave however, sucked all of the energy out of us much like John Boehner sucked all of the energy out of the debt ceiling negotiations yesterday. Things are now looking up though (on the weather situation, not the debt ceiling situation) because we awoke this morning to the welcoming sound of thunder-boomers and a brief cooling rain shower. Looks like we are now over the worst and returning to those normal cool Boston sea breezes.

So, it is back to work!

The “do as I say, not as I do bunch” was highlighted in this week’s news. We had Michele Bachmann once again railing about those horrible federal subsidies and Medicaid being a terrible type of welfare. We then discovered that Bachmann’s family has profited from federal farm subsidies for years and that her husband’s clinic has profited from hundreds of thousands of Medicaid payments. We had Newt Blingrich tell us that only he knows how to lead our nation out of the economic downturn. We then learned that his campaign is over $ 1 million in debt. and of course we always have the Palins.

Sarah Palin has been denouncing sex education and contraception since she was disastrously thrust upon the American people by John McCain. She has been one of the nation’s foremost advocates of abstinence only education. Of course Sarah Palin did not personally practice abstinence. It would appear that oldest son Track was conceived prior to her wedding on August 29, 1988 inasmuch as he was born on April 20, 1989.

The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was also apparently not a very good teacher when it came to instilling the virtues of abstinence on her own children either. First, teen daughter Bristol gave birth out of wedlock. She claims that her “virginity was stolen” (rape?) by her boyfriend one night while she got drunk while on a camping trip. The veracity of that statement is called into question however, inasmuch as Bristol continued to have sex with the same boy for a long time after that. Now we have eldest son Track who also seems to have violated the abstinence only rule. Track was married only two months ago yet photos from Gawker have surfaced of his wife at what appears to be a baby shower and looking much more than two months pregnant.

Geesh Palins, how’s that abstinence only thing working out for ya?

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF TODD AND SARAH (Version Two)

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Standing in the airport at Juneau,
Todd sporting his new campaign-bought pants.
But then SarahPac
Said,“They’ve got to go back”,
“You look just like a homo from France.”

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Finally flew into Indiana
Sarah giving a Pro-Life speech
Her decision rejoiced,
As to her Baby Trig choice.
Because she practiced exactly what she preached.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Sarah admitted as much.
She did have a choice, though
She would deny one to us.

Meanwhile in his home-state of Alaska,
The First Dude was beginning to cheat.
He had not one fear
That a massage to his rear,
Would be reported in a tabloid broad-sheet

Christ you know they’re so sleazy,
Just watch them on the TV
The whole Palin family
Lives out a life of deceit

Keeping every penny of per-diem pay,
Lying about clothes to charity,
Daughter that’s unwed,
Boyfriends in her bed.
Her chances of  election
Pretty low – Think!

Relatives all getting arrested.
Family dignity in free-fall.
Constituents claim,
“Sarah is to blame”
Not much of a role-model at all.

Christ you know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be.
You know where she’s going?
Into the Party of Tea.

How did we choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t we elect “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

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Posted on July 23, 2011, in Sarah Palin and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Palin motto: “Do as I say. Give me money.”

  2. IOKIYAR. Every bloody, illegal, immoral, mean-spirited, rotten thing that is wrong with this country is just fine if you’re a rich, white Republican. What I don’t understand is how they convince the poor, female, and elderly to give them their money and support. The brainwashing done by Rush and Fox must be very effective.

    Palin’s other motto: “Babies are good for business.”

  3. HudsonElizabeth

    It has been mentioned often in other places that Sally and Chuck Heath were also “with child” when they married. So, it would seem that this is a 3-generation thing so far. How they have the gall to go out and preach absinence is very confusing to a thinking person.

    • I’m not sure that Sally and Chuck preached “abstinence only” but if so, you have pointed out quite a situation.

      • HudsonElizabeth

        Oh, I mis-spoke a bit. Did not mean to say that Sally and Chuck preached abstinance. Only that they may have been the origination point for the full-belly-at-the-wedding which seems so much a part of the Heath/Palin family history. And, I guess, if that is the family history, how can any of them preach “abstinance only” with a straight face? And, how can anyone listen to them when they surely don’t practice what they preach?

    • I’m with you on that.

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