Daily Archives: July 18, 2011

Unimpressive GOP Presidential Candidates Lost In A Field Of Dreams

As of July 2011, the field of confirmed Republican 2012 Presidential candidates is laughable. In modern history has there ever been a more radically-conservative, unaccomplished, boring and out and out insane group to seek our nation’s highest office? At his point President Barack Obama is sitting pretty while he wonders which one of these under-achievers will ultimately square-off against him in November of next year. Let’s take a look at these GOP wannabes.

Mitt Romney: Known as Mitt(wit) in his former home of Massachusetts, Romney’s state ranked 47th (out of 50) in job creation while he was governor. That is especially embarrassing when one considers that he was governor of the Bay State during an economic boom-time. Romney is also known for his propensity to flip-flop on issues more than anyone in history. He was in favor of a woman’s right to choose before he was against it. He was in favor of strict hand-gun regulation before he was against it. He was in favor of a path to citizenship immigration policy before he was against it. Most striking of all, he was the author of the first comprehensive health care reform law which was spearheaded by a personal mandate to purchase health insurance before he was against the new national law which is a virtual clone.

Donald Trump:  Oh wait a second, the bankrupt billionaire has already quit the race. He says that he is considering re-entering however, so let’s keep him on the list for awhile. Donald Trump, really? Say no more.

Newt Gingrich:  The former disgraced Republican Speaker of the House has already been forced out of politics once by his own party. He has been married three times and has switched religious affiliations as often. He claims to represent the interests of working-class Americans as he runs up million dollar credit card bills at posh jeweler Tiffany. Nearly his entire staff has already quit on him and his campaign is approximately $1 million in debt. Does Gingrich sound like a good candidate to lead the nation out of its economic woes?

Tim Pawlenty:  BORING!!! Pawlenty is the former Governor of Minnesota who claimed to be fiscally conservative while agreeing to spend hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars to build a baseball stadium for the millionaire owner of the Minnesota Twins. His gubernatorial election wins have always been by the slimmest of margins. His approval rating among his home state Minnesotans is always less than 50%. Pawlenty also pardoned a man named Jeremy Geifer, who in 1993 spent 45 days in jail and registered as a sex offender for impregnating his 14-year-old girlfriend when he was 19. Thereafter, Geifer’s daughter, the one whose conception sparked the original conviction, accused Geifer of raping her before, during and after Pawlenty pardoned the ex-con. Think of 1988 Presidential candidate Michael Dukakis and his “Willy Horton problem”. All of this may explain why Pawlenty’s campaign has only been able to raise $4.5 million in donations.

Jon Huntsman: The former Utah Governor served in the Obama Administration as Ambassador to China. In letters to President Obama he said, “You are a remarkable leader, and it has been a great honor getting to know you”, “the graciousness and kindness you have shown me and my family – particularly your confidence in my ability to represent you in China”, “I have enormous regard for your experience, sense of history and brilliant analysis of world events” and “I must report that Sec. Clinton has won the hearts and minds of the State Dept. bureaucracy — no easy task. And after watching her in action, I can see why. She is well-read, hard working, personable and has even more charisma than her husband! It’s an honor to work with her”. When Huntsman is forced out of the Republican race, perhaps he can switch allegiances and campaign on behalf of Barack Obama.

Herman Cain:  The former pizza shop owner and lobbyist opposes abortion even in the case of incest or rape. He is a racist who dislikes Muslims. He has stated that he was “uncomfortable” when he found that the surgeon operating on his liver and colon cancer was Muslim because, “”based upon the little knowledge that I have of the Muslim religion, you know, they have an objective to convert all infidels or kill them”. When asked in asked in March 2011 if he would feel comfortable appointing a Muslim to his administration or as a Judge. Cain said “No, I will not … There’s this creeping attempt, there’s this attempt, to gradually ease Shariah Law, and the Muslim faith into our government. It does not belong in our government”. Cain has also stated that president Barack Obama was  “raised in Kenya”. In short, Cain is an unhealthy pizza with everything bad on it. Even Hitler finds Herman Cain unelectable. Watch this newly discovered secret footage:

Ron Paul:  Ron Paul is our first candidate that belongs in the moonbat-crazy Tea Party Division of the Republican Party.  He is known as “Dr. No” because of his insistence that he will “never vote for legislation unless the proposed measure is expressly authorized by the Constitution”. He opposes birthright citizenship. He advocates for the elimination of the Federal Reserve. He would deny women their right of freedom of choice in birth. He believes that the civil Rights act of 1964 is unconstitutional. He is worried that our nation’s gold supply might have gone missing from Fort Knox. He is also a racist who said this in his very own newsletter, “Boy, it sure burns me to have a national holiday for that pro-communist philanderer Martin Luther King. I voted against this outrage time and time again as a Congressman. What an infamy that Ronald Reagan approved it! We can thank him for our annual Hate Whitey Day.” And this, “opinion polls consistently show only about 5% of blacks have sensible political opinions”. And this, “if you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be”.

Michele Bachmann:  This Minnesota Congresswoman is absolutely the craziest bat in the GOP belfry. She too belongs in the moonbat-crazy Tea Party Division of the Republican Party. She too opposes abortion even in the case of rape or incest. She hates gays and considers them “part of Satan”. She denounces govt. subsidies and Medicaid except when she, her husband and family are recipients of same. She has said the following: “And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it”, “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design” and “[Gay marriage] is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that”. She also believes the the famous “shot heard round the world” was fired in New Hampshire and that our founding fathers “fought tirelessly to end slavery”. Now that is a bag-full of crazy.

Rick Santorum,   Santorum is the former GOP Senator from Pennsylvania who was soundly defeated by Democrat Bob Casey, Jr. in 2006. He lost by a margin of  59% to 41% which is the largest margin of defeat for an incumbent Senator since 1980. He denies the theory of evolution and is adamantly anti-gay. He once said that gay marriage would ultimately lead to men having sex with dogs.

Gary Johnson  Never heard of him.

Fred karger,  Never heard of him.

Andy Martin:  Never heard of him.

Thaddeus McCotter:  Never heard of him.

Roy Moore: Never heard of him.

Buddy Roemer:  Never heard of him.

With this group of clowns who needs Sarah Palin?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Tim Pawlenty makes me snore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

  • Boom, bam, boom
  • Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….

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