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Hey Sarah, How’s That Abstinence-Only Thingy Working Out For Your Kids? (Updated)

Daryl Cagle, MSNBC.com

Lynnrockets and Co. would like to apologize to you loyal Rocketeers for our failure to post a blog entry yesterday. My “real life” job as an attorney kept me a bit too busy to blog. Today however, we have a little more free time.

So, it is back to work!

Sarah Palin has been denouncing sex education and contraception since she was disastrously thrust upon the American people by John McCain. She has been one of the nation’s foremost advocates of abstinence only education. Of course Sarah Palin did not personally practice abstinence. It would appear that oldest son Track was conceived prior to her wedding on August 29, 1988 inasmuch as he was born on April 20, 1989.

The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was also apparently not a very good teacher when it came to instilling the virtues of abstinence on her own children either. First, teen daughter Bristol gave birth out of wedlock. She claims that her “virginity was stolen” (rape?) by her boyfriend one night while she got drunk while on a camping trip. The veracity of that statement is called into question however, inasmuch as Bristol continued to have sex with the same boy for a long time after that. Now we have eldest son Track who also seems to have violated the abstinence only rule. Track was married only last May, yet today we learned that his new wife gave birth to a baby girl  over the weekend.

Geesh Palins, how’s that abstinence-only thingy working out for ya?

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF TODD AND SARAH (Version Two)

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Standing in the airport at Juneau,
Todd sporting his new campaign-bought pants.
But then SarahPac
Said,“They’ve got to go back”,
“You look just like a homo from France.”

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Finally flew into Indiana
Sarah giving a Pro-Life speech
Her decision rejoiced,
As to her Baby Trig choice.
Because she practiced exactly what she preached.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Sarah admitted as much.
She did have a choice, though
She would deny one to us.

Meanwhile in his home-state of Alaska,
The First Dude was beginning to cheat.
He had not one fear
That a massage to his rear,
Would be reported in a tabloid broad-sheet

Christ you know they’re so sleazy,
Just watch them on the TV
The whole Palin family
Lives out a life of deceit

Keeping every penny of per-diem pay,
Lying about clothes to charity,
Daughter that’s unwed,
Boyfriends in her bed.
Her chances of  election
Pretty low – Think!

Relatives all getting arrested.
Family dignity in free-fall.
Constituents claim,
“Sarah is to blame”
Not much of a role-model at all.

Christ you know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be.
You know where she’s going?
Into the Party of Tea.

How did we choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t we elect “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Hey Sarah, How’s That Abstinence-Only Thingy Working Out For Your Kids?

Daryl Cagle, MSNBC.com

Lynnrockets and Co. would like to apologize to you loyal Rocketeers for our failure to post a blog entry yesterday. This Boston heatwave however, sucked all of the energy out of us much like John Boehner sucked all of the energy out of the debt ceiling negotiations yesterday. Things are now looking up though (on the weather situation, not the debt ceiling situation) because we awoke this morning to the welcoming sound of thunder-boomers and a brief cooling rain shower. Looks like we are now over the worst and returning to those normal cool Boston sea breezes.

So, it is back to work!

The “do as I say, not as I do bunch” was highlighted in this week’s news. We had Michele Bachmann once again railing about those horrible federal subsidies and Medicaid being a terrible type of welfare. We then discovered that Bachmann’s family has profited from federal farm subsidies for years and that her husband’s clinic has profited from hundreds of thousands of Medicaid payments. We had Newt Blingrich tell us that only he knows how to lead our nation out of the economic downturn. We then learned that his campaign is over $ 1 million in debt. and of course we always have the Palins.

Sarah Palin has been denouncing sex education and contraception since she was disastrously thrust upon the American people by John McCain. She has been one of the nation’s foremost advocates of abstinence only education. Of course Sarah Palin did not personally practice abstinence. It would appear that oldest son Track was conceived prior to her wedding on August 29, 1988 inasmuch as he was born on April 20, 1989.

The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was also apparently not a very good teacher when it came to instilling the virtues of abstinence on her own children either. First, teen daughter Bristol gave birth out of wedlock. She claims that her “virginity was stolen” (rape?) by her boyfriend one night while she got drunk while on a camping trip. The veracity of that statement is called into question however, inasmuch as Bristol continued to have sex with the same boy for a long time after that. Now we have eldest son Track who also seems to have violated the abstinence only rule. Track was married only two months ago yet photos from Gawker have surfaced of his wife at what appears to be a baby shower and looking much more than two months pregnant.

Geesh Palins, how’s that abstinence only thing working out for ya?

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF TODD AND SARAH (Version Two)

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Standing in the airport at Juneau,
Todd sporting his new campaign-bought pants.
But then SarahPac
Said,“They’ve got to go back”,
“You look just like a homo from France.”

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Finally flew into Indiana
Sarah giving a Pro-Life speech
Her decision rejoiced,
As to her Baby Trig choice.
Because she practiced exactly what she preached.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Sarah admitted as much.
She did have a choice, though
She would deny one to us.

Meanwhile in his home-state of Alaska,
The First Dude was beginning to cheat.
He had not one fear
That a massage to his rear,
Would be reported in a tabloid broad-sheet

Christ you know they’re so sleazy,
Just watch them on the TV
The whole Palin family
Lives out a life of deceit

Keeping every penny of per-diem pay,
Lying about clothes to charity,
Daughter that’s unwed,
Boyfriends in her bed.
Her chances of  election
Pretty low – Think!

Relatives all getting arrested.
Family dignity in free-fall.
Constituents claim,
“Sarah is to blame”
Not much of a role-model at all.

Christ you know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be.
You know where she’s going?
Into the Party of Tea.

How did we choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t we elect “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Palins vs. Reality (TV): Round Three – Bristol

First we had Sarah Palin, the former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska dip her toe into the waters of reality television with her TLC show known as “Sarah Palin’s Alaska“. Next, we learned that Palin’s would-be son-in-law, Levi Johnston is shopping his own reality series titled “Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor’s Office” in which Johnston will follow in the Naughty Monkey steps of Sarah and run for Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Now we hear that Sarah’s daughter Bristol, the former unwed pregnant teen and current unwed twenty-something single mother, will appear as a contestant on next season’s “Dancing With The Stars“. Wow! Remember when Sarah Palin negatively alleged that President Barack Obama was a celebrity and compared him to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton during the 2008 presidential campaign? Did that ever prove to be the pot calling the kettle black (pun intended).

What is it with the Palin clan and their obsession with celebrity status? Really, how many normal families would aspire to have three members star in their own reality television series? Talk about low expectations. This group simply should have stuck together as one unit and promoted a joint sitcom possible titled “The Wasilla Hillbillies“. Heck, even the Gosselin family managed to keep nine out of their ten members on just one TV show.

What is next for the Palins? More reality shows? Maybe “Hey First Dude, Where’s My Car?” wherein Todd Palin will steal and then hide the automobiles of unsuspecting Wasilla residents. Or perhaps, the ever elusive Track might star in “Tracking Track“. Can you folks come up with any other suggestions?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Will she make it to Round 5?
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen

Sarah Palin: The Tabloid Schizoid

Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.

Remember when this happened during the Katie Couric/ Sarah Palin televised interview in September 2008?


Boy, did we learn a lot about the quitting ex-governor’s reading habits and news sources that day. It appeared at the time as if she could not remember the names of any accredited newspapers or periodicals that she regularly read. She was asked to be specific but she simply chose to give some general evasive answer involving Alaskans’ ability to access news sources. Now in retrospect however, it appears that she was not suffering from a momentary memory lapse, but was rather trying to hide the actual literature (and we use that term loosely) that she does in fact read.

In  Vanity Fair magazine there was an expose by former future son-in-law Levi Johnston about Sarah Palin. And it was not flattering. The article was titled, Me and Mrs. Palin and included a segment in which Johnston explained the erstwhile journalism major’s reading habits as follows:

“Once in a blue moon, I’d see her reading a book, and I’ve never even seen her read a newspaper in my life. The Frontiersman and the Anchorage Daily News were always there in the morning, but the only one who looked through them was Todd.”

There it is, she does not read newspapers. Inasmuch as Johnston has revealed that she shops at Walmart and eats at Taco Bell, it is not much of a stretch to assume that she reads only People, Us, The National Enquirer and The Star. Please Sarah, the next time that someone asks you that question, answer it honestly and in detail or it may come back to haunt you…again.

Luckily for us, this week the tabloids have focused on Palin and her family again. this time it is the National Enquirer that shines the unflattering spotlight on the Alaska Disastah. The title of the article is Palin’s Boozy Wild Child and here are some excerpts:

Sarah Palin’s got another Wasilla wild child on her hands  – 15-year-old daughter Willow who’s running with the “wrong crowd”.

Big sister Bristol made headlines with her out-of-wedlock pregnancy, and now Willow has been named as a participant in a teenage booze bash that got out of hand, say sources.

“Willow has been running with the wrong crowd,” confides a friend. “They are a popular high school clique known as the Colony Girls, who are well known as hard partiers and are regularly involved in underage drinking and smoking dope.”

In July 2009, Willow was photographed slamming back a bottle of vodka at a Juneau house party. “Sarah was fuming when that photo of Willow was published,” said the friend.

Her older sister Bristol scandalized her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska, as a dope-smoking underage drinker and party girl. At 17, she announced she was pregnant – by hunky Levi Johnston whose mother was later sent to jail for pushing drugs.

Bristol,  who gave birth to baby Tripp in December 2008, later organized an much ballyhooed advocacy group to prevent teen pregnancy.

Track, meanwhile, has had drug problems in the past, and was addicted to the painkiller OxyContin before shipping off to Iraq.

The former Alaska governor – who ran for vice president on a family values platform – is upset that Willow’s wild behavior could cause her embarrassment as she promotes her new gig as Fox News commentator.

“Right now, Sarah’s trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug,” the source said.

Juicy stuff.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets


Today’s song parody explores Sarah Palin’s relationship with the press. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Sunday Papers song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5r1ub00btE&feature=related

SUNDAY PAPERS

(sung to the Joe Jackson song “Sunday Papers”)

Palin doesn’t go out anymore
Just sits at home and winks and blinks her eyes
But every weekend through the door
We get to learn what she would like to hide

If you want to know about her daughter on the mattress
If you want to know who SarahPAC are
If you wonder why the Palins are such mad-hatters
You can read it in the Sunday papers, Sunday papers

Sarah’s big hair isn’t hers at all
She watches cartoons when the tv’s on
Whenever Meg Stapleton calls
We’ll know the facts when Sunday comes along

If you want to know why Sarah P. went bonkers
If you want to know where the children are
If you want to know about her donor suckers
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Dinner dates on Ebay now I guess
Will it be Taco Bell or reindeer stew
Palin’s got something against the press
They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true

If you want to know how she paid for her kitchen (yeah!)
If you want to know where campaign gifts are
If you want to know the next job that she’ll be quittin’
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
(repeat to fade)

Palins: A Family In Decline

political-pictures-sarah-palin-family-media-hell

The Palin family circus is a sight to behold. Is a single one of them presently employed? Perhaps Track is still employed by the U.S. Government if his term of military service has not yet been completed. Even that however, says something about the uber-right-wing family that promotes the private sector so much when the only family income comes from the federal government. In typical Palin fashion, husband Todd recently quit his job with British Petroleum. Sarah, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska has recently posted her resume on LinkedIn. Bristol, we assume, is a single stay at home mom living off of who knows what. Jeesh!!!

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Are Family song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqHLvuKW3H4

WE ARE FAMILY

(sung to the Sister Sledge song “We Are Family”)

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Ev’ryone can see that we are crazy
As we walk on by
(HIGH!) And we don’t work because we are lazy
Diana is high
(ALL) All of the moonbats in our clan these days
Like the First Dude, Todd
Just let me state for the record
We think that Levi kid is odd

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Abstinence is fun, OK that’s a pun
We get knocked-up before wedding bells
(HIGH) High hopes we have for the future
If our books can sell
(WE) Oh we dress for success
Here’s what we call our golden rule
No condoms for you, and no pills too
You won’t go wrong
Protect the Family Jewels

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

(Repeat Chorus To Fade)

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