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Sarah Palin – Reprise

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from November 19, 2009. Please enjoy again!

Sarah Palin, The Sometimes Reluctant Covergirl

There she goes again. Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska is once again claiming to be a victim of the mainstream media. This time the target of her accusation is the November 22, 2oo9 edition of Newsweek magazine (see above). On Monday, Palin posted the following on her Facebook page:

“The choice of photo for the cover of this week’s Newsweek is unfortunate. When it comes to Sarah Palin, this ‘news’ magazine has relished focusing on the irrelevant rather than the relevant. The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist, and oh-so-expected by now.”

But is it really the photo that Ms. Quittypants is upset about for being “sexist”? After all, she did pose for that photo and never objected publicly to the nearly identical photos published this year in a running magazine. And do “sexist” magazine covers always bother her? If so, then why did she not complain about being referred to as “America’s Hottest Governor” on the cover of the February 2008 edition of Alaska magazine? No, we would venture to guess that Palin is not as upset at the photo which appears on the cover of Newsweek, but rather the caption which accompanies it. It says, “How do you solve a problem like Sarah? She’s bad news for the GOP – and for everybody else, too.” It seems that the clearly “sexist” caption of the Alaska magazine was okay for Sarah because it was flattering to her. The Newsweek photo however, was highly objectionable it seems, because the accompanying caption cast Palin in such an unflattering light.

Poor Sarah, she can’t help it. She was born with a simple mind in her mouth.

And that brings us to today’s parody. In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvzHGYSv8kw

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(musical interlude)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Give your shoes a shine,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

Run Along Now Sarah Palin, Adults Are Trying To Have A Debt Ceiling Discussion Here (Part 2)

Palin uses sign language to demonstrate what she knows about the debt ceiling.

On Wednesday Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off ran the first segment of this story.

We reported that as the August 2nd Debt Ceiling deadline looms and the President and members of Congress attempt to devise some sort of mutually acceptable legislation which will serve to increase the ceiling, cut future spending and raise revenues, America’s most famous unelected celebrity wanted to have her say. Her words and advice of course, had no positive effect on debt ceiling negotiations. They only served to fan the fires of acrimony and widen the divide between Democratic and Republican negotiators.

First she attacked President Obama by saying,

“Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing. The president’s getting pretty good at this fear mongering and trying to cram down the public’s throat this idea of bigger government, more spending.”

She then criticized Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner by saying,

“The internal problem that he has is reinventing the wheel here in the 11th hour, when we already have Cut, Cap and Balance that passed the House, and we don’t need to retreat now and wave a white flag. This August 2 deadline is looming, but it’s not Armageddon, it’s not life-or-death, so Boehner and the Republicans have got to make sure that they’ve got a good plan in front of those who will be voting on this plan.”

But the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska who managed to obtain a bachelor’s degree in communications with an emphasis in journalism only after attending 5 different colleges in 6 years, was not finished yet. Oh no. Palin was right back at it again yesterday. This time she directed her meritless comments at freshmen Teapublican members of Congress who signed the infamous Grover Norquist “No Tax Pledge”.  On her Facebook page (where else?) she posted, in pertinent part, this dribble,

“Republicans campaigned on a promise to rein in out-of-control government spending. These are promises that you must keep…I respectfully ask these GOP Freshman to … remember us ‘little people’ who believed in them, donated to their campaigns, spent hours tirelessly volunteering for them, and trusted them with our votes. This new wave of public servants may recall that they were sent to D.C. for such a time as this.”

Did Sarah Palin just refer to herself as a “little people”? Did she honestly spend “hours tirelessly volunteering for” all those Tea Party members? Really? Even with all those self-promoting book tours and reality television show travels and Fox News appearances on her busy schedule?  And just what in the wide, wide world of confusion was she actually telling the Tea Partiers to do? Was it intended to be an instruction from headquarters that they must reign in spending in the debt ceiling negotiations by refusing to raise the ceiling under any circumstances? The timing would suggest that. But if so, that makes no sense because the debt ceiling increase only allows our nation to pay its pre-existing debts. It does not authorize any new spending. What is this dimwit talking about?

Honestly, Ms. Palin, have you forgotten that inasmuch as you hold no elective office, you have no meaningful standing to inject yourself into the debate? Your voice is one that does not matter or have any positive effect.

So Sarah Palin we repeat, please take note that adults are trying to discuss the debt ceiling and it would be best for the country if you would just run along.

By the way, we are just wondering whether you plan to run for President? Any update or is that another matter on which you have nothing significant to say?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTBpafu_DE8&feature=PlayList&p=C7BA3DA90EF5F781&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(death panel lie break)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Now tell a big lie,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

Sarah Palin Honey, Please Run Along Now While Adults Try To Work On The Budget

From Malia Litman's Blog

Would somebody please tell Sarah Palin to “sit down and shut up”. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska who was unable to name a single newspaper or magazine that she reads, is now injecting herself in the budget debate. Despite the fact that she is sinking in the polls faster than an anchor in the ocean, Palin still seems to think that her voice is welcomed in the realm of grown-up political debate. Unfortunately for Palin, such is not the case.

On Friday Sarah Palin took to her favorite sophomoric form of communication, Facebook and stated that President Obama’s handling of the budget stalemate between Congressional Democrats and Republicans is “appalling”. This is just the latest example of the linguistically-challenged Palin sticking to her plan of opposing anything that is proposed by the Obama administration regardless of merit or circumstance. Remember when she opposed the First Lady’s program to combat childhood obesity as wellas her plan to enable more mothers to breast-feed their infants? Well, Palin is up to her old tricks again.

Her Facebook message said,

“Essentially, he’s holding military funding hostage to NPR funding. This is a perfect analogy for what is wrong with this entire budget showdown. Our federal government has strayed so far from what is constitutionally mandated that they are blind to the fact that NPR funding is not a constitutional duty. Funding our military at a time of war is!”

“It’s about time the President step up to the plate and lead responsibly. Our troops who are putting themselves in harm’s way deserve a Commander in Chief who is not AWOL from the debt debate. The American people deserve a president who will take on the tough challenges and understand that funding ‘Car Talk’ is not as crucial as funding our troops at a time of three wars.”

Palin’s misinformed message came as the result of President Obama’s refusal to sign a Republican bill to fund the Pentagon for the remainder of the fiscal year. What Palin failed to disclose to her Facebook friends however, is that the President would have been more than willing to sign-on for Pentagon funding if that was all that was included in the Republicans’ temporary bill. But you see, that was not the only thing included in the GOP measure. The Grand Old Party members also tacked on a few additional policy demands such as de-funding their enemy, National Public Radio and inserting partisan anti-abortion funding language as well.

If the Republicans’ primary concern was to fund the military and as Palin says, protect “our troops who are putting themselves in harm’s way”, then their proposal would have dealt solely with military funding. But as usual, the GOP attempted to hide their primary goal of de-funding what they consider to be progressive programs by attaching them to a measure ostensibly dealing with Pentagon funding. Even the educationally-challenged Sarah Palin should be able to spot a basic “bait and switch” tactic when she sees one.

Apparently Sarah Palin is unaware of the Senate bill 724 offered by Republican Kay Bailey Hutchison on Friday which guarantees that the military will be fully funded in the event of a government shutdown. The proposed bill has no caveats or ideological partisan amendments. It is a clean bill without a hidden agenda and if other Republicans are sincere in their assertion that funding the military is their primary concern, then they should support that bill.

The frantic Facebook blast appears to be one of Sarah Palin’s last ditch efforts to try to remain relevant in a political world from which she is fast fading. Unfortunately for her, virtually nobody is listening any longer.

Please take at a look at my WRKO Boston talk radio-based blog also, too. It can be found here: Kevin’s Blog-A Liberal Dose of Reality.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Imagine song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgYAHHkPFs&feature=related

IMAGINE

(Sung to the John Lennon song “Imagine”)

Imagine there’s no Sarah
She’s in a doublewide
No more winks and blinks
No Bristol the child bride
Imagine all Alaskans
Living life in peace…

(Aye-hi-hi-i-i-i…)

Imagine “thanks but no thanks”
Was never said at all
There was no “Joe the Plumber”
She stayed at City Hall
Imagine Americans
Spared from Sarah P….

(You-hoo-oo-oo-oo)

You may say that we’re dreamers
But we’re having tons of fun
The First Dude claims she’s a screamer
And she’s certainly no nun

Imagine a “pig with lipstick”
I’m certain that you can
Remember Katie Couric
And Gibson, he’s “the Man”
Imagine all the people
Tina Fey also…

(You-hoo-oo-oo-oo)

You may say that we’re dreamers
But we’re not the only ones
Levi Johnston’s right with us
And he’s got Sarah’s grandson

Has Palin Ever Been This Silent For This Long?

Cat got her tongue?

Oh where, oh where is Sarah Palin?

Come out, come out wherever you are!

We have not heard a word from the former ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska since she issued her Facebook statement of “sincere condolences” last Saturday following the tragic massacre in Tucson, Arizona. Despite the fact that Palin has come under widespread and intense public scrutiny as the result of her perceived symbolic “call to arms” via her public advertisement which placed a sniper’s rifle-sight image over victim Rep. Gabrielle Giffords’ congressional district and mentioned her by name, Palin has uncharacteristically remained silent. Sure, she sent that self-serving private email to her fellow hate-speaker Glenn Beck which he promptly read on the hate-spewing Fox News network. However, “I hate violence. I hate war” is not exactly a coherent retort of any kind. Why is Sarah Palin so tongue tied?

Where are the defensive (and to many, “offensive”) Twitter tweets and Facebook retorts that always immediately materialize after Sarah Palin is criticized? When David Letterman told an offensive joke about her daughter, Palin’s response was instantaneous. When her lie about “death panels” was exposed, Palin quickly doubled down on her mentioning of the fabrication. When Arnold Schwarzenegger needled her about being able to see Russia from his plane, she hastily criticized his governing abilities. And, when a number of literate citizens pointed out that “refudiate” is not a word, she promptly compared herself to William Shakespeare. Any casual viewer of her TLC un-reality television show has noticed that Palin cannot keep her hands off her Blackberry for more than 5 consecutive minutes. So, the 64 thousand dollar question is, where is Sarah Palin’s response when she has been so broadly criticized for having fostered  a toxic environment of hate that may be partially responsible for the attempted assassination of a public official that she “targeted”? Lynnrockets would concur that Sarah Palin’s silence is generally golden, but something is askew.

This is not to say that others have not spoken on behalf of Sarah Palin. Her defenders have appeared in the “lamestream” (as they always used to call it when they ignored it) media and on countless websites and blogs where they have made every attempt to portray Palin as the actual victim of this tragedy. Some have even gone so far as to absurdly suggest that the deadly shooting was carried out by liberals in an attempt to cast blame on Palin and other members of the radical far-right. One Palin-devoted blog, C4P (Conservatives For Palin) has a contributor named Nicole Coulter who told CBS.com this summer, “We would literally walk across hot broken glass for this woman… She’s our family, and you protect your family; it’s like the mafia.” You can say that again!

The closest member of the Palin clan to publicly comment on the Giffords/Palin connection is Rebecca Mansour. She is a Palin staffer who is active in Palin’s SarahPAC political action committee website. Coincidentally (or not), it was the SarahPAC website (as well as Sarah Palin’s Facebook page) which displayed the controversial sniper-sight symbols. Mansour provides much of the narrative material which appears on the SarahPAC site and it has been alleged that she also ghost-writes many of Palin’s Twitter tweets and Facebook posts. As for the Tucson murders, Mansour said on conservative Tammy Bruce’s radio program last weekend that any attempt to connect the tragedy to Sarah Palin is “obscene” and “appalling”. She went on to say,We never ever, ever intended it to be gun sites.” When radio host Bruce then suggested, “It’s surveyor’s symbols”, Mansour agreed. She responded, “We never imagined, it never occurred to us that anybody would consider it violent.” Rather, she said, that it was simply “crosshairs that you would see on a map. There is “nothing irresponsible about our graphic.

OH, PA—LEASE!!!

Is Mansour so naive as to think that nobody noticed Sarah Palin’s “don’t retreat, instead- RELOAD!” exclamation which appeared on both her Facebook page and the SarahPAC website shortly after the gun-sight graphic was posted and linked directly back to the cross-hair laden map? Did Mansour also think that nobody noticed Palin’s admission that the symbols were bullseyes when she tweeted on November 4, 2010 as follows:

SARAH-PALIN-BULLSEYE
Additionally, if there was “nothing irresponsible’ about the graphic, then why was it suddenly scrubbed from the website on the very day of the murders? Perhaps some very real ghosts began haunting Palin and her ghost-writer after the killings.

Again we ask, when will Sarah Palin come out of hiding and say something on her own behalf?

Paging Sarah Palin! Paging Sarah Palin!

SPECIAL NOTE: Today is Lynnrockets’ birthday. I do not mention this because of some narcissistic tendency, but only because the numeric date (1/11/11) is noteworthy and I am generally unlikely to be associated with anything that is noteworthy. Consequently, the drink will flow tonight (or the earth will end or something!).

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s reader-requested song parody which describes Sarah Palin’s ghost-written books.

Ghost Riders In The Sky song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwAPa0qHmLo

GHOST-WRITER IN THE SKY

(sung to the Frankie Laine song  “Ghost Riders In The Sky”)

Yippie I ay, Yippie I oh
The Ghost-Writers in the sky

Alaska’s dope was whining ‘bout Obama one fine day,
Her patience sure was tested by that actress Tina Fey
When all at once a thousand words in her mind’s eye she saw
A sure fire way to spread her lies and keep her fans in awe

Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
Her words they would buy

So Palin found a buyer and she signed a big book deal
Her brain-power was tiny so her writing lacked appeal
A bolt of fear went through her as poor Sarah realized
Book writing is so friggin’ hard…but she had to spread her lies

Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
Ghost-Writer she must find

Her face was gaunt, her eyes were blurred, her blouse was soaked with sweat
She needed a ghost-writer now, so she called Lynn Vincent
She recited made-up stories going back to junior high
The tall tales of a big fat liar… written by a paid ally

Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
The Ghost-Writer on the sly

The critics were not impressed, they said her book was lame
Her fans were not dissuaded, they all bought it just the same
Sarah went on a book-signing tour, took her fans for a ride
She charged them money for her words…and those fools all complied

Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
(Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay)
The Ghost-Writers in the sky
Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay

Is Sarah Palin A Celebrity “Survivor”?

Yesterday Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off detailed the ever-growing list of conservatives/Republicans who have deemed Sarah Palin to be either unqualified for higher political office or simply unelectable. Today we will reveal many of the nation’s celebrities that are repulsed by all things Palin.

First we have Palin’s co-TLC star Clinton Kelly of “What Not To Wear”. The wardrobe wonk appeared on “The Joy Behar Show” yesterday and blasted Palin for killing animals on her series simply for show. He said,

“I wasn’t thrilled when I heard that Sarah Palin had an eight-hour infomercial, you know, on my network because she basically stands for everything I don’t stand for or I’m against. So it’s a little bit rough. It’s a little — what bothers me the most about her is her hypocrisy. I hate somebody who’s, like, Oh, look at nature. Look at this beautiful Alaska. …  Look how beautiful everything is. Let’s go kill something … because we need some meat in the refrigerator.”

Kelly has a point inasmuch as the millionaire Palin is not in such a position that she cannot afford to buy food at the grocery store.

Of course Joy Behar herself is no stranger to Palin-blasting. She routinely pans the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska on both her own show and on the more popular “The View”. Remember the time when she countered co-host Elisabeth Hasselback’s contention that Palin shows her courage on her TLC show when she encounters the wild? Behar said,

“But, the question is, does she have the courage to come on ‘The View’? That would be the point. Forget the bears. How about the mama bears here?”

Even some folks at the ever-friendly Fox News network have joined the Palin-bashing parade. Two weeks ago on “Fox News Sunday”, Fox News contributor and former Bush White House Press Secretary Dana Perino said,

“It’s weird to at night be having a camping trip with Kate Gosselin, Kate Plus 8, and then the next morning read in USA Today this very serious and thoughtful piece about a nuclear Iran.” While Perino pointed out that many politicians have people do their writing for them, this “discordance” could be a problem for Palin in particular. “It doesn’t sound like her when you read the materials,” she said. “And authenticity matters almost more than ever, and I think that’s what mattered in 2010, and people wanted not to just hear the message, they wanted to hear the authenticity of it.”

Come to think of it, even Kate Gosselin could not “bear” the thought of spending the night with Palin and co.

Comedian Kathy Griffin has taken a different path. She said that she will lay-off the attacks against Sarah, Todd and daughter Bristol for awhile. She added however, that her New Year’s resolution is to target Sarah Palin’s 16-year-old daughter, Willow. She recently told The Hollywood Reporter,

“I’ve already gone for Sarah, Todd and Bristol obviously. But I think it’s Willow’s year to go down. In 2011, I want to offend a new Palin. She’s called people a fa—t on Facebook a couple of times. “You don’t throw around the f-word without hearing from me about it.”

Griffin of course, was commenting on the young Palin’s recent Facebook postings wherein she tossed around the F-Bomb (both the homophobic and curse word varities) like her mother tosses a word salad.

Recently even Roseanne Barr (remember her?) has joined the act. Barr said she doesn’t like Palin even though they both portray themselves as down-home regular folks. She said,

“I feel she’s ripping off my act. She’s not even telling the truth to the American people. I think she took a lot from me and from my show, absolutely.”

Another comedian, Margaret Cho had this to say of Palin,

“At first I thought Sarah Palin was some kind of Republican pandering — a misguided attempt to woo Hillary voters over to the dark side, as if they believed women voters were so stupid that they would vote for anyone in skirt, but now I see that she is much, much worse. I have nothing against hockey moms — I just don’t want to be one. If Sarah Palin had her way, she would take away that right not to be a mom. She wants to outlaw abortion — so to call her a feminist is as laughable as calling evangelicals ‘Christians.’ They shouldn’t have the right to call themselves Christian, for they have no Christ-like attributes. I am a feminist and a Christian — and when I see Sarah Palin — I see neither.”

Boston’s very own Matt Damon (you know, Jason Bourne), the Harvard educated actor is also not fond of Sarah Palin. While running against the Obama ticket, he had this to say of the “pitbull with lipstick”,

“You do the actuary tables, there’s a one out of three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn’t survive his first term, and it’ll be President Palin. … It’s like a really bad Disney movie, “The Hockey Mom.” Oh, I’m just a hockey mom from Alaska, and she’s president. She’s facing down Vladimir Putin and using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink. It’s absurd.”

Of course not all celebrities dislike the “Queen of Quit”. The ever sober and erudite Lindsay Lohan beamed,

“I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. It’s distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.”

‘Nuff said.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s pseudo-rap inspired song parody.

Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ut5A_r5iiOg

SHE”S A PINHEAD, BABY

(sung to the Beck song “Loser”)

From the town of Wasilla, she’s like Godzilla
She’s lame in the brain and she endorsed Joseph Miller
With her winking eyeballs, Sarah loves those catcalls
Barbie doll shouts out to those G.I. Joes
On the far right they think she’s beautiful
Sarah Palin is a loser with no self-control
Sarah’s the Queen-O of the Tea Party
Just a bunch of dumb slouches marching to her beat
Pundits keep sayin’ she’s insane with no brain
Her daughter’s shotgun wedding was blasted into dirt
She writes crib-notes just below her sleeve
She was a Governor for awhile but she said she had to leave
She shoves her face in each race with her bark
Hates people with food stamps that live in those big trailer parks

Yo, cut it

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Double-barrel buckshot)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly

Palin is evil, thank John for this nightmare
Blasts country music in her book-signing chamber
Just a scheming weasel and she comes wrapped in a flag
Hails from the North Pole, this oil-pimping Tea-Hag
Loves her “Sixpack Joes” cuz First Dude has no job
Nothing more than Sarah’s house-husband slob
Sarah-baby pulls all of the strings
Snapped a turkey’s neck while she’s talking on that TV thing
She can’t write and she can’t debate
Stealing cash like a thief from her fans that think she’s great
Never bothers with any facts, … she’s wrong more than she’s right
While preachin’ to her minions

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She’s in the stardumb bizznizz)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(“Thanks but no thanks”)

Yo, bring her down

Soooooooooooo…
(She’s a liar, she’s a sinner, brings no hope or change, can’t you feel it?)

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She says, “also too”)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Is that her baby?)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Know what I’m sayin’?)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 62

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: As of this week the United States has been at war in Afghanistan longer than than was the Soviet Union. Ouch!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of ” Don’t Know Much About History ” features the college degree-challenged Rush Limbaugh. The drug addicted racist mischaracterized President Obama’s Thanksgiving speech by saying,

We were the invaders. The Indians are minding their own business. We were incompetent idiots. We didn’t know how to feed ourselves. So they came along and showed us how, and that’s what Thanksgiving is all about. Now, he says nothing about the Constitution in his Thanksgiving proclamation, because he’s got a problem with it … Every cliche that is wrong about Thanksgiving shows up in his proclamation.

Rush Limbaugh is ignorant of the fact that the U.S. Constitution was not drafted until some 150 years after the first Thanksgiving. What a moran!

BREAKING NEWS: The conservative majority U.S.  Supreme Court has once again cast aside an appeal that claimed that Barack Obama’s natural citizenship of the United States has not been substantiated. The case is Kerchner v. Obama (10-446). Bottom line? Crazy “Birthers” lose yet again.

THIS JUST IN: Confused Tea-Baggers do not recognize an earmark when they see one. The new Tea Party members of congress were quick to say that they would ban all legislative earmarks. Problem is, members of The Tea Party Caucus used the 111th Congress to request hundreds of earmarks that, taken cumulatively, added more than $1 billion to the federal budget. Take a look at this:

A list of Tea Party Caucus members and their earmark requests in Fiscal Year 2010, courtesy of Citizens Against Government Waste’s Pig Book:

NAME                EARMARKS        AMOUNT

Aderholt (R-AL)        69        $78,263,000
Akin (R-MO)             9        $14,709,000
Alexander (R-LA)       41        $65,395,000
Bachmann (R-MN)         0                  0
Barton (R-TX)          14        $12,269,400
Bartlett (R-MD)        19        $43,060,650
Bilirakis (R-FL)       14        $13,600,000
R. Bishop (R-UT)       47        $93,980,000
Burgess (R-TX)         15        $15,804,400
Broun (R-GA)            0                  0
Burton (R-IN)           0                  0
Carter (R-TX)          26        $42,232,000
Coble (R-NC)           19        $18,755,000
Coffman (R-CO)          0                  0
Crenshaw (R-FL)        37        $54,424,000
Culberson (R-TX)       22        $33,792,000
Fleming (R-LA)         10        $31,489,000
Franks (R-AZ)           8        $14,300,000
Gingrey (R-GA)         19        $16,100,000
Gohmert (R-TX)         15         $7,099,000
S. Graves (R-MO)       11         $8,331,000
R. Hall (R-TX)         16        $12,232,000
Harper (R-MS)          25        $80,402,000
Herger (R-CA)           5         $5,946,000
Hoekstra (R-MI)         9         $6,392,000
Jenkins (R-KS)         12        $24,628,000
S. King (R-IA)         13         $6,650,000
Lamborn (R-CO)          6        $16,020,000
Luetkemeyer (R-MO)      0                  0
Lummis (R-WY)           0                  0
Marchant (R-TX)         0                  0
McClintock (R-CA)       0                  0
Gary Miller (R-CA)     15        $19,627,500
Jerry Moran (R-KS)     22        $19,400,000
Myrick (R-NC)           0                  0
Neugebauer (R-TX)       0                  0
Pence (R-IN)            0                  0
Poe (R-TX)             12         $7,913,000
T. Price (R-GA)         0                  0
Rehberg (R-MT)         88       $100,514,200
Roe (R-TN)              0                  0
Royce (R-CA)            7         $6,545,000
Scalise (R-LA)         20        $17,388,000
P. Sessions (R-TX)      0                  0
Shadegg (R-AZ)          0                  0
Adrian Smith (R-NE)     1           $350,000
L. Smith (R-TX)        18        $14,078,000
Stearns (R-FL)         17        $15,472,000
Tiahrt (R-KS)          39        $63,400,000
Wamp (R-TN)            14        $34,544,000
Westmoreland (R-GA)     0                  0
Wilson (R-SC)          15        $23,334,000

TOTAL                 764     $1,049,783,150

Correction: This post has been updated to reflect earmarks requested by Rep. Sam Graves (R-MO). We initially attributed them to Rep. Tom Graves (R-GA), who was not in Congress during FY 2010.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “So Much For Doing What The People Want” features all 42 Republican Senators. Despite the fact that every single poll indicates that a vast majority of Americans believe that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” should be repealed, and the highly anticipated Pentagon report and poll of service members came to the same conclusion, GOP senators have all stated in a letter to Harry Reid that they will vote “No”. UPDATE: The clothing-challenged Scott Brown (R-MA) announced on Friday that he will side with the Democrats (yet again) and vote for the repeal of DADT.

THIS JUST IN: For the second time in two months, a federal judge has upheld the constitutionality of the new health care law, ruling on Tuesday that the requirement that most Americans obtain medical coverage falls within Congress’s authority to regulate interstate commerce. The judge, Norman K. Moon of Federal District Court, who sits in Lynchburg, Va., issued a 54-page ruling that granted the government’s request to dismiss a lawsuit brought by Liberty University, the private Christian college founded by the Rev. Jerry Falwell. Last month, in a separate case, Judge George C. Steeh of Federal District Court in Detroit also upheld the law.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Guess Who Has A Ghostwriter Now?” features Bristol Palin and her recent Facebook rant against MSNBC‘s Keith Olbermann. Honestly, does anybody out there truly believe that the former unwed pregnant teen and high school drop-out knows the meaning or spelling of the words, “canard”, “incredulity” and of course, “abstinence”?

THIS JUST IN: Speaking of the Palins, Sarah Palin‘s new book is trailing in sales to George “Worst President In History” Bush’s new book. Ouch! That is gonna leave a mark.

BREAKING NEWS: It was nice to see the Senate Democrats grow a spine yesterday by holding votes on two bills extending tax cuts only for those earning less than $ 250,000.00 and for those earning less than $ 1,000,000.00 and thereby forcing the Republicans to prove that they only care about helping millionaires and billionaires. “There are no signs that millionaires are suffering in this economy. It’s everybody below that,” said Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-California. “You have to stand up for what you believe and you have to vote on what you believe.” They measures lost, but the GOP has now been fully exposed on the record.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday season inspired song parody.

Winter Wonderland song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcAuqshkqE

PALIN BLUNDERLAND II

(sung to the Ray Conniff Singers version of “Winter Wonderland”)

Sarah P., are you listening?
Intellect, you are missing
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

Quit your job on July third
You belong where you’re not heard
Go back to Hong Kong
Please take Todd along
Living in a Palin blunderland

You can even bring that “Plumber Joe”, man
He can fly the jet as you leave town

He’ll say, “You still married?”
You’ll say, “No, man!”
But you can have the job
When we touch ground

Later on, you’ll conspire,
To get Tina Fey fired
The price that you paid
To be renegade
Living in a Palin blunderland

Sarah P., are you listening?
What’s that sound that you’re hissing?
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

You have all the warmth of a fresh snowman
And all the smarts of a circus clown
You sold some books and made a lot of dough, man
They had no verbs but had a lot of nouns

You just love oil well drilling
And your polar bear killing
You frolic and play, the G.O.P. way
Living in a Palin blunderland

Palin Must Be Destroyed

Sarah Palin’s wedding photo. 

What with the media’s breathless coverage of her every tweet, Fox News’ willingness to utilize her as a guest host on nearly all of its fictionalized prime time programs and her conservative following’s near pious devotion, one would think that Sarah Palin would be the darling of the leaderless Republican Party. Such is not the case. In fact, the G.O.P. is beginning to realize that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska may be the catalyst for the marginalization of “The Party of Lincoln”. In short, Sarah Palin may cause the demise of the Republicans.

Just two short years ago almost nobody had ever heard of Sarah Palin. The G.O.P. was led by such familiar names as Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, a resurgent Newt Gingrich and the actor Fred Thompson. Then the unexpected happened. Somehow the centrist John McCain won the Republican Presidential nomination. McCain however, was trailing Democrat Barack Obama by such a wide margin that he was forced to do something drastic in order to draw some attention to his campaign. Much like the literary Dr. Frankenstein, McCain was compelled to create some life from scratch. He stitched together some uber-right-wing conservatism, some female DNA, some down-home colloquialisms, a beehive hairdo and some rimless glasses. His handmade creation was Sarah Palin.

Much like Dr. Frankentein’s monster however, the McCain creation also suffered from some fatal flaws. They both had a damaged brain. Each became stronger and more identifiable than its creator. Both wreaked havoc on society and in the end, the Frankenstein monster and Sarah Palin each turned against their respective creators.

The Palin thing was alive, ALIVE! This 21st century mindless monster quit her job and stumbled out of the wilds of Alaska on her way to the Lower 48. Unable to master the written word, the pathetic creature hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir. Unable to master the spoken word, Palin turned to Twitter and Facebook as her means of communication. Unable to appear human on television, she was forced to appear repeatedly on Fox News. The thing that became known as PALIN  sowed fear into the hearts of all uneducated conservatives with her horrific tales of “death panels”, the godless land of Russia that she could see by means of her super-human vision and of her arch enemy, the would-be monster slayer, author Joe McGinniss.

Unlike the Frankenstein monster however, the Palin thing began to amass a large and adoring following. Sure, these devotees were comprised of racist, white, uneducated homophobes from the lowest rung of the food chain, but beggars can’t be choosers. The Palin thing’s fan base became known as the Tea Party (presumably because it is believed that something was slipped into their tea). These Tea-Baggers are a mindless lot that confusingly wants no government control over their government controlled Medicare and Social Security benefits. They hate the Obama administration because of his fictitious tax increases despite the fact that over 95% of them have actually benefited from the President’s middle class tax cuts. These Tea-Baggers have crowned the Palin thing as their de facto queen.

The Palin thing’s Tea Party royalty status is the biggest problem for the creature’s former party.  Before John McCain’s monster was created, the whacko Tea-Baggers were all firmly entrenched members of the Republican Party. They voted in lockstep for every Republican they could find thereby ensuring at least some electoral success for the party. The creation of the Palin thing has changed all of that. The Tea-Baggers are now actively seeking candidates from within their own super-radical ranks. These Tea Party candidates are so out of the mainstream that they oppose meaningful portions of the Civil Rights Act (Rand Paul). They hope to privatize Social Security (Rand Paul, Sharron Angle), criminalize the consumption of alcohol (Sharron Angle), deregulate the oil industry (despite the Gulf oil spill) (Rand Paul), abolish the Dept. of Education (too many to name here), ban maturbation (Christine O’Donnell) and even remove fluoride from the nation’s water supply (Sharron Angle). This is crazy stuff that will draw votes away from Republicans in favor of unelectable radicals and the Palin thing adds to the chaos by endorsing these candidates.

Remember, it was only last November when we witnessed the damage inflicted on the Republican Party by the Palin monster. As you will recall, New York’s 23rd Congressional District seat had been held by the Republicans since the Civil War. In the most recent election the G.O.P. nominee was the popular and relatively centrist Dede Scozzafava. The Democratic Party candidate was the virtually unknown Bill Owens. The Palin thing and her minions in the Tea Party however, felt that Scozzafava was too liberal so they endorsed the conservative radical nut-job Doug Hoffman. Result? Scozzafava (R) dropped out of the race and Owens (D) easily defeated Hoffman (TB’er) and the Democrats captured a seat that they had not held for over a century. Damage done.

The Republican Party now justifiably fears that the Palin thing and her Tea-Bagger followers may cost the G.O.P. victories (and ensure Democratic victories) in any number of races in which the Tea Party fields a candidate. Consequently, it may be just the right time for the Republican faithful to pick up their pitchforks and burning torches and head to Castle Palin while shouting the mantra, “Palin Must Be Destroyed”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired parody.

Rich Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WG8ubKnwe08&feature=related

WITCH GIRL III

(sung to the Hall & Oates song “Rich Girl”)

You’re a witch girl, up in A-las-ka
And it’s getting worse for you every day
You can perform like a Playboy Bunny
You can perform like a Playboy Bunny
You’re a stitch girl? Cuz you’re quite bizarre
So we really wish you would go away
Pray, Honey that we don’t send you too far
Send you too far

And don’t you know, don’t you know
That it’s wrong to preach politics of hate
You’re so far gone, so far gone
Lil’ Miss Caribou you belong in a zoo
Todd should be in there too

‘Cause

You’re a witch girl and you’re no big star
And mascara won’t help you hide your age
You can go on wearing rimless glasses
You can go on wearing rimless glasses
There’s a hitch girl, you’re a has-been now
And the voters have all left and turned the page
The pitbull is a pig with lipstick now
Now say “Bow Wow”

Not too bright, a bit insane
It’s so sleazy, to damn others just because they complain
Those little fools and their ethics rules
They just get in your way and impede your payday
They will rue the day, oh…

You’re a witch girl, and you’ve gone too far
But that defense fund should help to pay your way
You can rely on that SarahPAC money
You can rely on that SarahPAC money
You’ll be a rich girl with a brand new car
And then you’ll move your family far away
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Get you too far

And you say

You can rely on the SarahPAC money
You can rely on the SarahPAC money
You’re a rich girl, a witch girl
Oh, you’re a rich bitch girl yeah
Say money but it won’t get you too far
Oh, get ya too far

Sarah Palin: A Twittering Chronic Facebook Malcontent

The E*Trade Baby is perplexed by Palin.

In light of this week’s flurry of childlike Twitter tweets against both Alan Grayson and new White House Chief of Staff, Pete Rouse, it is painfully obvious that Sarah Palin will disagree with any Democratic Party member’s words or actions simply to provide an opposition. If a Democrat claimed that the earth is round, she would say it is not. If a Democrat said he had dinner in the evening, she would say that it was consumed in the morning. Her tactic is quite reminiscent of the “bridge to nowhere” situation when she said “thanks” before saying “thanks, but no thanks”.

It is not surprising however, that the former half-term ex-quitting Governor of Alaska only utilizes the sophomoric forms of communication known as Twitter and Facebook and the comfy confines of Fox News to distribute her anti-Democrat invectives. After all, the entire nation witnessed her inability to handle interviews with unscripted questions during the 2008 campaign when she was publicly humiliated by her inability to field questions from Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. perhaps Alan Grayson said it best however, in his retort to the Queen of Quit,

“What is it about Sarah Palin and Twitter? Is Palin fond of tweeting because she can draft a tweet on her palm? Is it that 140 characters represents the maximum length of Sarah Palin’s attention span?”

Way to go, Alan. Let her have it with both barrels.

Finally, you must ask yourself, “why is Sarah Palin such a big fan of Facebook”? After all, the medium was the invention of one of those elitist Ivy League students hailing from the elitist of elite East Coast Ivy League institutions known as Harvard? Then again, the uninformed Palin is probably not aware of that.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Things We Said Today song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwokRK8P6D4&feature=related

THINGS SHE SAID TODAY

(sung to the Beatles song “Things We Said Today”)

Thinking of Sarah P.
Up there in the snow
Thinking she’s “mavericky”
Little does she know

Somedays when I’m lonely
Pining for old Tina Fey
Then I will remember
Things she said today

She’s not a refined girl
Disgraced in prime time
And she’s not a kind girl
She wallows in the slime

Her words have no meaning
But she sure has a lot to say
It’s fun to remember
Things she said today

She has such a simple mind
With nothing to say that isn’t fluff
Nonetheless she is inclined
To just have her way by talking tough

Yet she’s a blind girl
She’s a phony one
Despised and maligned girl
She will soon be gone

Ego that needs weaning
Lacking in the skill of word play
She cannot remember
Things she said today

She had lots of books to sign
What were her supporters thinking of?
Did they feel left behind
When she went away and had enough

Of being kind, girl
She said she was done
Let them wait in line girl
Take your cash and run

Someday when she’s scheming
Hand in glove of her next pay-day
Will Palin remember
Things she said today?

Christine O’Donnell’s Political Piggies

Who could have ever predicted that a “Baby Grizzly” would out-crazy the “Mama Grizzly” for a full month? It is true. While Sarah Palin has been quietly plummeting in the polls and eliciting booing audiences on “Dancing With The Stars”, Christine “Bewitched” O’Donnell (the Tea Party/Republican candidate for a Delaware U.S. Senate seat) has captured the full attention of the moon-bat chasing crowd.

Every day now, O’Donnell gives us another glimpse into her twisted mind and lifestyle. First we had her call for a masturbation ban. Next, her campaign alleged that her Republican primary opponent, Mike Castle was gay. Then we learned that she had a college degree before she did not have a college degree before she finally received her college degree three weeks ago. That was followed by the revelation that she has been in debt for most of her adult life, failed to pay taxes and paid her personal expenses with campaign funds while she failed to pay wages to her campaign employees. All of that was followed by Bill Mahar’s delicious video clips which show O’Donnell admitting that she “dabbled in witch-craft” and proclaiming that “evolution is a myth”. Best of all, Mahar claims that he will continue to release more embarrassing video clips each week leading up to the election.

But wait. That is not all. O’Donnell has stepped in it yet again. This week she joined “the Twitter”. The Palin-prodigy can now join her BFF in authoring absolutely indecipherable messages to the masses. And O’Donnell wasted no time. Her first tweet was as follows:

OK, then. Any idea just what in the wide, wide world of witch-craft O’Donnell is talking about? No? Me either, but let’s hope she keeps it up. The Twitter could be an endless supply of future Lynnrockets song parodies. Maybe her next tweet could be a little more lucid however, like, “Stop masturbating and vote!” or, “Evolution-Schmevolution!”

Keep up the good work, Christine. We are watching you.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Piggies song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXdKlpBOvs0

PORKERS

(sung to the Beatles song “Piggies”)

Have you seen G.O.P. porkers
Dishing out the dirt?
And for those G.O.P. porkers
Life is getting worse
Chris O’Donnell’s curse is angry sounding

Have you seen the bigot porkers
In their mini-skirts?
Christine and Sarah’s “twitting” fingers
Tweet until it hurts
Tweeting out new blurts so insane sounding

(Twitter break)

They’re senile and clearly cracking
They don’t care what goes on around
In their eyes there’s something lacking
What they need’s a damn good whacking

(Facebook break)

Best beware, G.O.P. porkers
Of O’Donnell’s lies
She is on a hunt for sinners
With Tea Party guys
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon

Palin Popularity Plummets (Again)

It's Time To Reload Not Retreat

For those of you that missed the results of the most recent Politico poll, never fear. Lynnrockets is here to dissect and analyze and the diagnosis is not promising for a Sarah Palin Presidential bid in 2012. Buried deep in the aforementioned poll was this:

Thinking one last time about Sarah Palin…
As you may already know, Sarah Palin has been the Governor of Alaska and was the Republican nominee for Vice President in 208. She resigned from her position as Governor in 2009 and currently runs a political action committee and works as a news commentator for Fox News.

25. Based on what you know, would you say that Sarah Palin’s efforts since resigning as Governor in 2009 have made you more likely or less likely to support her if she runs for President?
______________________
IF CHOICE IS MADE, ASK:

More likely/strongly…………………………………………17%
And is that strongly or More likely/somewhat………………………………………14%
somewhat (more likely/ UNSURE (DNR)………………………………………………5%
less likely)? NO DIFFERENCE (DNR)…………………………………7%
Less likely/somewhat……………………………………….13%
Less likely/strongly………………………………………….45%

Do the math and you will see that since the half-term former Governor of Alaska quit her elected position in July of 2009, a whopping 58% of people are less likely to vote for her as President.

This means that despite the fact that Palin has elevated her status as a celebrity via her Facebook and Twitter rantings, and has captured the throne as Queen of the Tea Party movement, she has actually decreased her own chances of a future electoral victory. In short, Sarah Palin has fudged it up again.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Pump It Up song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpprOGsLWUo

FUDGE IT UP

(sung to the Elvis Costello song “Pump It Up”)

Palin’s losing her looks
She’s into banning books
Time to face the music
Shilling for “Arctic Cat”
She’s a moonbat
Blew the race for Johnny Mac
Was the Guv but then she quit
And left the state fast

Fudge it up. Too bad she couldn’t see it.
Fudge it up. Now she can’t conceal it.

She’s so far right of center
Hell bent, not Heaven sent
Listen to her propaganda
Listen to her latest slander
Palin don’t understand
All her moves are underhand

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Hey!

She is a dumb girl
She makes us wanna hurl
Like Lorena Bobbitt
Sarah’s psychotic
When she’s on a book tour
She dresses like a whore
In those clothes Mac bought for her
A tea-bagging gal for sure

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

In the “Party of No”
Palin will never win
Soon they will kick her out
With all her inbred kin
Her “Death Panel” mission
Beat into submission
Her conical hat is made out of tin

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Palin should beat it
Palin should beat it
Palin should beat it.

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