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Gingich Gets Caught In Latest Lie About His “Open” Marriage!!!

Republican presidential candidate and serial-adulterer Newt Gingrich got caught in yet another lie this week.

Gingrich considers himself to be an historian and he certainly has a long personal history of lying. He has falsely claimed to have been hired as an historian and paid $1.6 million by Govt.-backed mortgage giant Freddie Mac when in fact, he was paid to further the entity’s legislative agenda (better known as lobbying). He has falsely claimed that there have been no oil spills from offshore drilling near Santa Barbara, CA since 1969 when in fact there 2 such spills in 2008 alone. He has falsely claimed that Republican Governor Mitch Daniels of Indiana should be honored for having the lowest unemployment rate in his region when in fact, Indiana has does not have the lowest unemployment in its region and several states with lower unemployment rates were governed by Democrats.

Gingrich has recently been  falsely claiming that the economy is worse and  jobs have not been created since President Obama has been in office. This may be one of his biggest lies. The truth is that for the last several months prior to Obama’s election, the economy was losing between 600,000 and 800,00 jobs per month. Indeed, U.S. nonfarm employment stood at just more than 137 million jobs in July 2008, before the already-under-way recession turned into a nosedive following that September’s financial crisis. By January, when Obama took office, the figure had fallen to about 133.5 million — a loss of about 3.5 million jobs, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics and an additional 4.3 million jobs were lost before Obama’s stimulus policies took hold in February 2010. From that date onward however, the economy has added (not lost) jobs for 23 out of the last 24 months. Since that job growth resumed, the economy has added about 3 million jobs. Additionally, The gross domestic product, the prime measure of economic strength, shrank by a severe 6.8 percent annual rate before Obama became president. The declines eased after he took office and economic growth, however modest, has resumed. Also, the recession officially ended six months into Obama’s presidency. The facts prove that there is no denying that the economy has improved under Obama.

Gingrich’s latest lie concerns his second wife’s assertion that Newt wanted an “open” marriage with her so that he could continue carrying-on extra-marital sexual affairs with her blessing. Marianne Gingrich claimed in the ABC interview that her husband asked for an open marriage while he was having an extramarital affair with his current wife, Callista Gingrich. Gingrich said his former wife was lying and during the CNN-sponsored Republican debate in Florida he said,

“The story was false. Every personal friend I have who knew us in that period says the story is false. We offered several of them to ABC to prove it was false. They weren’t interested.”

A few days after that debate, during an interview on CNN, host John King pursued Gingrich’s allegation by stating that ABC News has insisted that no such witnesses were produced. Gingrich in turn, doubled down and said that ABC News‘ defense was “just plain baloney”. he went on to say,

“If they’re saying that, then they’re not being honest. We had several people prepared to be very clear and very aggressive in their dispute about that, and (ABC News) wasn’t interested.”

Gingrich’s statement was a lie. Yesterday his campaign conceded that the candidate was wrong, both in his debate answer and in his interview with CNN on Tuesday. R.C. Hammond, the campaign’s press secretary, told CNN the only people the campaign offered to ABC News were the speaker’s two daughters from his first wife who make regular appearances for their father on the campaign trail. Furthermore, the two daughters did not dispute the allegation that Gingrich requested an “open” marriage with his second wife, but only wrote a letter discouraging ABC  News to release the interview with her.

The only question remaining is, does Newt Gingrich have more extra-marital affairs or lies in his background? Enquiring minds want to know.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I Am Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg

I AM GINGRICH

(sung to the Helen Reddy song “I Am Woman”)

I am Gingrich, hear me snore
The G.O.P. showed me the door
In ’98, I was thrown out on my rear end
‘cause I called for a class war
When Clinton dallied with that whore
So what if I also had a lady friend

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

Now I’ve shown you that I’m tasteless
By calling Sonia a racist
When I’m the guy that bloviates on ghettos
My lies will grow much stronger
And my nose will grow much longer
When I start to call Sotomayor a “Hoe”

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

I am Gingrich don’t you know
Democrats know that I blow
Fox News spreads my fat visage across the land
And I’ll use those embryos
And those nameless “baby does”
If it helps me to advance my final stand

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I am wrong (wrong)
And I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich
Oh, I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong

(Fading)
I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong
I am Gingrich

Bachmann Bagged By Blunder (Again!)

The fiction-machine known as Michele Bachmann was caught once again providing misinformation at a campaign rally. At a speech in Sioux City, Iowa on Monday, CNN reports that while answering a question from a member of the audience regarding the proposed oil pipeline between Canada and Texas, Bachmann said,

“I was talking with a businessman this morning up in Minneapolis. And he was up in Williston, North Dakota, where the Bakken oil field is producing. Someone told me that last year that North Dakota was the only nation that actually was running a surplus. And it’s because they’re utilizing their natural energy resources.”

First of all, North Dakota is not a “nation” but that mistake is excusable as a mere slip of the tongue. More importantly however, Bachmann misinformed the audience that North Dakota is “the only [state] that actually was running a surplus”. She was wrong as usual. In fact, Montana, Alaska and Arkansas are also running budget surpluses in 2011. That fact could have been easily verified by Bachmann because it was not a spur of the moment assertion. Bachmann said that she was repeating what someone had told her. She obviously took note and memorized what this person told her, but she failed to verify its veracity before simply parroting the misinformation to an audience.

This is very similar to what Bachmann did a few weeks ago when she asserted as fact, the later-discredited theory that the HPV vaccine can cause mental retardation. Bachmann claimed at the time that she was provided the inaccurate information by a person she had spoken with. The problem however, is not that Bachmann was provided incorrect information by a complete stranger, but rather that she chose to broadcast that information as fact without first verifying its truthfulness.

The moonbat-crazy Bachmann certainly has no need to get her misinformation from strangers. She has made a number of  outrageous and/or completely discredited factual statements on her own such as the following gems as compiled by The Huffington Post:

  • And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”
  • “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?”
  • “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”
  • “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”
  • [Gay marriage] is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.”
  • “Normalization [of gayness] through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: ‘I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.’”
  • “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”
  • “It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas…Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?”
  • “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.”

Like Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann says some darned crazy stuff. Indeed, she can match Sarah Palin in the “Tea Party Two-Step” move for move. The Bachmann campaign even stole away Palin’s debate coach. Is that crazy enough for you? Think about that for a moment. Michele Bachmann actually wants to be coached by the person that is highly responsible for some of the all-time worst (yet laugh-out-loud hilarious) debate and interview performances in televised history.

There is no doubt that Michele “Make It Up As You Go Along” Bachmann is the most laughingly entertaining nut in the bag of mixed nuts that is the current field of Republican Presidential candidates. Too bad she has no chance of winning.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Flintstones television theme song link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Flintstones.html

BACHMANN

(sung to the television theme song “The Flinstones”)

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
A Congresswoman that is bat crazy
She and Sarah Palin
Driving voters from the G.O.P.

She can’t form a sentence that’s complete
Now she’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
Hates Blacks, children and those that are gay
She is clearly brain dead
Can’t seem to get out of her own way

She talks right through the rain, snow and sleet
Every single thought is incomplete

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Exposed during prime time

At GOP Debates, Lack Of Compassion Is The Fashion

Since Rick “Science Is For Sissies” Perry has joined the field of wacky, unqualified Republican Presidential candidates, the debates have become very entertaining. Not so much as the result of the Texan’s doubletalk and doubling-down on his radical beliefs, but rather because of the bizarre behavior of the members of the audience.

Don’t get me wrong, the seven candidates themselves are spewing plenty of venomous hate-speech and nonsensical rhetoric. These pretenders are  incapable of answering the questions asked by the moderators. They also seem to have a penchant for simply repeating ad nauseam the words “taxes”, “Ronald Reagan” and “Obamacare.” Nonetheless, it is the audience members who are  demonstrating the most disgusting behavior and revealing the ugly underbelly of the conservative movement.

For example, at last week’s MSNBC/Politico debate, a moderator asked Rick “Ponzi Scheme” Perry the following question: “…your state has executed 234 death row inmates. That’s more than any other Governor in modern times. Have you struggled to sleep at night with the idea that any one of those might have been innocent?” As soon as the moderator finished speaking the words “modern times”, the audience erupted in raucous applause. They were not cheering for Perry’s response inasmuch as he had not yet begun to elicit one. No, in fact, the audience was applauding the very fact that 234 human beings had been executed in Texas. That is correct, this audience, filled with conservative Republicans, was happy and excited that human beings were being put to death at an extremely high rate in the Lone Star State.

We then had a repeat performance of audience lack of compassion at last night’s CNN/Tea Party Express debate in Florida. The moderator posed the following hypothetical question to Ron “The Civil Rights Act Is Unconstitutional” Paul:

Moderator: “A healthy 30 year old young man has a good job, makes a good living but decides, ‘you know what? I’m not going to spend $200 or $300 a month for health insurance because I’m healthy, I don’t need it’. But something terrible happens and all of a sudden he needs it. Who is going to pay if he goes into a coma? Who pays for that?”

Ron Paul: “In a society that you accept welfarism (sic) and socialism, he expects the government to take care of him.”

Moderator: “But what do you want?”

Ron Paul: “What he should do is whatever he wants to do and accept responsibility for himself. My advice for him is to have a major medical policy…”

Moderator: “But he doesn’t have that. He doesn’t have it and he needs intensive care for 6 months. Who pays?”

Ron Paul: “That’s what freedom is all about. Taking your own risk. This whole idea that you have to prepare and take care of everybody.”

Moderator: “But Congressman, are you saying that society should just let him die?”

As soon as Paul said the words “taking your own risk”, the audience began cheering loudly.  The real disgusting development however, was when audience members began shouting “Yeah”, “Yeah” when the moderator asked if society should simply allow the hypothetical man to die.

These audience responses are revealing the honest and true feelings of the typical conservative Tea Party Republican. It is evident that they are not the Christian pro-lifers that they pretend to be. Instead, they are a selfish and heartless group of mean-spirited haters with no compassion for their fellow Americans.

The typical conservative Tea Partier Republican is not a patriotic person.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Are You Ready For Some Wacky Tea-Baggers On Display Tonight?

What a dilemma! What to watch on the boob-tube tonight? Do we tune in to watch the first Monday Night Football games of the 2011 season or do we entertain ourselves with the sure to be hilarious CNN/Tea Party Express Republican Debate?

On the one hand we have the All-American New England Patriots with their red, white and blue uniforms and helmets adorned with either Elvis wearing a tri-cornered hat or their throwback “Pat Patriot”. By name, colors and logo alone, the Patriots are certainly America’s most patriotic football team. Indeed, the original “Tea Party” actually took place in their own backyard. Yet, on the other hand, we have a series of debate questions being submitted by intellectually challenged old white men and women who are also sure to be wearing tri-cornered hats along with George Washington and Captain America costumes!

Decisions. Decisions. Both events will take place in Florida. The Patriots game is certain to feature a bunch of players huddling together before the game in prayer as well as blessings to God every time a touchdown is scored. Simultaneously, many of the GOP debaters are also likely to repeatedly praise the Lord while denying the existence of science and evolution.

The football fans at privately owned and corporately sponsored Sun Life Stadium will whine and complain about the high price of tickets, beer and concessions. The Tea-Baggers are certain to complain about the high price of gas and the government-funded program known as Medicaid.

During the football game we are likely to be entertained by clever football fans displaying witty homemade signs about their favorite players. During the debate we are likely to be entertained by not so clever Tea-Baggers displaying hilariously misspelled homemade signs which make no sense.

During the football game we will be thrilled by the amazing athletic abilities of professional athletes. During the debate we will be confused by tongue-tied double-talking Republican presidential candidates who know no words other than “taxes”, “Ronald Reagan” and “Obamacare”.

It is truly a very difficult decision as to what to watch tonight. Each of you will have to make-up your own mind. As for me, I believe that laughter cures all ills, so I will tune-in to the comedy show known as the CNN/Tea Party Express Debate. Besides, there is a second Monday Night Football game this evening featuring the Denver Broncos and the Oakland Raiders which begins at 10:15 PM EST, long after the debate has concluded.

Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Garden Party song link:  http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x89fev_ricky-nelson-garden-party_music

TEA BAG PARTY

(sung to the Ricky Nelson song “Garden Party”)

I went to a Tea Bag party hoping to make some brand new friends
But they became my enemies, those right wing racist men
When I got to the Tea Bag party, they all looked the same
That really surprised me, and no one had a brain

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Crazies there from miles around, mostly with white hair
Locals brought their shotguns, there was hatred in the air
‘n’ over in the corner, not to my surprise
Sarah Palin sportin’ thigh-high boots while she winked her eyes.

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-in-dah-dah-dah, lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Told them they were so wrong, Glenn Beck is insane
Drill Baby, Drill’s stupid,  and Palin is to blame
I said Rand Paul is crazy too, best not drink his tea
Then I told them things about Michele Bachmann they would not believe

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and donned a white pointy hood
Punching his railroad ticket to Hell and just the way he should
If you’re goin’ to a Tea Bag party, I wish you a lotta luck
Bring a misspelled sign, use racist slang and drive a pick-up truck

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Christine O’Donnell Is Back: Progressive Bloggers Erupt In Cheer

The good times are back. It has been far too long since the nation has had the opportunity to laugh at Christine O’Donnell. Luckily for us, the three-time losing Republican Senatorial candidate from Delaware has burst back on the national stage with the release of a new book and all the accompanying shenanigans.

You remember Christine O’Donnell don’t you? She was a starring cast member in last fall’s traveling sideshow known as “The Tea-Baggers and Mama-Grizzlies Flying Circus“.  These of course, were those crazy Republican female candidates who were endorsed by both the Tea Party and Sarah Palin. Along with O’Donnell, there was Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman. Thankfully for America they all lost their respective elections.

O’Donnell however, stood out. She out-crazied everyone with the exception of Palin herself. She was without doubt, the most intellectually-challenged, gay-baiting, devil-worshipping, tax-evading, donation-abusing, non-masturbator involved in the mid-term elections. Who could forget her “I Am Not A Witch” ad and her hilarious debate performances? As Marlon Brando once said, “she coulda been a contender”. But alas, after she lost, she faded from the public spotlight.

Until now. This week she released her memoir which is appropriately titled, “Trouble Maker”. Of course she must make television appearances to promote book sales and in typical O”Donnell fashion her first one was a real doozy. She appeared on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight” on Wednesday but stormed off the set when she was asked about things she wrote in her book. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a moving picture must be worth a million words, so let’s go straight to the tape:

I think most progressive bloggers will agree when I say that I hope Christine O’Donnell stays in the public arena for a very long time.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down the Tea Party too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking her brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Maher is now the snitch
Who threw the strike-out pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!

Run Along Now Sarah Palin, Adults Are Trying To Have A Debt Ceiling Discussion Here.

Palin responds to question about debt ceiling.

As the August 2nd Debt Ceiling deadline looms and the President and members of Congress attempt to devise some sort of mutually acceptable legislation which will serve to increase the ceiling, cut future spending and raise revenues, America’s most famous unelected celebrity wants to have her say. As the deadline clock is ticking and our nation’s economic fate hangs in the balance, Sarah Palin wants to rattle some cages and widen divides in such a way that if anyone took her seriously (and thankfully very few do) no compromise could ever be reached and America would for the first time in history, default on its debt obligations.

While appearing last night on Fox News (where else?), the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska said that President Obama is simply “scaring” the American people about the negative consequences of defaulting on our obligations. CNN reports that Palin said,

“Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing. The president’s getting pretty good at this fear mongering and trying to cram down the public’s throat this idea of bigger government, more spending.”

She also criticized Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner by saying,

“The internal problem that he has is reinventing the wheel here in the 11th hour, when we already have Cut, Cap and Balance that passed the House, and we don’t need to retreat now and wave a white flag. This August 2 deadline is looming, but it’s not Armageddon, it’s not life-or-death, so Boehner and the Republicans have got to make sure that they’ve got a good plan in front of those who will be voting on this plan.”

Honestly, Sarah would you please just sit back and let the big boys and girls handle this? It is virtually universally agreed by all experts (i.e. economists and financial advisers) that a debt default would be catastrophic. It would lead to an almost instantaneous downgrade of the nation’s credit rating which would cause the dollar to sink while interest rates soar and cause our debt to increases drastically. It would imperil payments to Social Security recipients and military members and their families.

Perhaps that great liberal Ronald Reagan sized it up best in 1987 when he described the folly of not raising the debt ceiling as follows:

“Congress consistently brings the government to the edge of default before facing its responsibility. This brinksmanship threatens the holders of government bonds and those who rely on Social Security and veterans benefits. Interest rates would skyrocket, instability would occur in financial markets, and the Federal deficit would soar.”

You see Sarah, you’re bachelor’s degree in journalism which took you 6 years and 5 colleges to earn, does not qualify you to be a voice which must be heard on this complicated subject. Have you also forgotten that inasmuch as you hold no elective office, you have no meaningful standing to inject yourself into the debate? Your voice is one that does not matter or have any positive effect.

So Sarah Palin, please take note that adults are trying to discuss the debt ceiling and it would be best for the country if you would just run along.

By the way, we are just wondering whether you plan to run for President? Any update or is that another matter on which you have nothing significant to say?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Over My Head song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXZf833Gnxw

I’M OVER MY HEAD II

(sung to the Fleetwood Mac song “Over My Head”)

They say DC is paradise
Before going there, I better think twice
I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

Nothing to say when I take that mike
I’m just a clown and yet they just might, think I’m crazy,
It’s such a plight

My thoughts are like a ferris wheel
They’re spinning all the time
Sometimes I can’t help but feel
That I’m losing all of my mind

(job quitting break)

I hope I don’t just grunt and squeal
Perhaps I better mime
Why did I accept this deal
For a measly couple of dimes

They’ll be staring at my backside
I will be losing all of my pride
I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

M’Ann Coulter Is An Anti-Semitic Gutless Supporter Of Frontrunners

The Man-Thing is back in the news. Ultra Reich-Wing pundit Ann Coulter appeared on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight” and pulled a Mitt Romneyesque flip-flop regarding who he supports for the Republican nomination for President.

The anti-Semitic Coulter you might remember once said,  “We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say.” –arguing that it would be better if we were all Christian. He of course has said some other bombastic things such as “”If I’m going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I’ll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.” He also said, “These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband’s deaths so much.” -on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration. How about when he said, “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building” ? How about this gem, “I think the government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, dropping daisy cutters wantonly throughout the Middle East and sending liberals to Guantanamo.”? Anyway, you get the point. Ann Coulter is lower than a worm.

But we digress. Last night on CNN, Coulter praised Mitt Romney, the founder of the “personal mandate” to purchase health insurance which is the integral part of both RomneyCare in Massachusetts and our new national health care law. He told Morgan, the economy is such a disaster and Obama has such a glass jaw that we might even win with Romney. And Romney isn’t a disaster … I like him.”  This is a far cry from just last February when, while speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), Coulter said “If you don’t run Chris Christie, Romney will be the nominee and we’ll lose.”

Wow! Coulter now likes Romney. He is even beginning to act like Romney as evidenced by his sudden change of opinion regarding the former Massachusetts Governor. Like Romney, who has changed his position on such issues as a woman’s right to choose, firearm regulation and immigration reform multiple times, Coulter is also now a flip-flopper. What we really learned about Coulter however, is that he has no personal convictions. He will support whatever Republican candidate is leading the pack at any given time.

Case in point. In February of 2008 Coulter said this about Republican John McCain. “And what if the unthinkable happens, and President McCain is inaugurated? I’ve led an impeachment movement before, Coulter said, and “I can lead another one.” Later, after McCain won the Republican nomination, he sang a different tune. He began to publicly support McCain’s candidacy.

In short, like Mitt Romney, none of Ann Coulter’s words can be believed with the possible exception being when he said. “I’m more of a man than any liberal.” This guy is a true jack-hole.

As an aside, there have been rumors circulating on the internets tubes for some time now which advance the proposition that Ann Coulter is actually a male. Most of these articles focus on a few missing years during his adolescence when he presumably left the country to have a sex-change operation overseas. The articles also often draw attention to his pronounced Adam’s Apple and masculine looking hands. Additionally, it is frequently pointed out that he has never been married or had children.

Here at Blast-Off, we have no idea as to the credibility of the M’ann Coulter rumors. We do, however hope said rumors are true because of the wealth of satirical material which such a situation would spawn. As you can guess, we really do not like Ann Coulter or anything he has to say. So, without further adieu, let’s have a song…

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Band On The Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7D65IomNYY

M’ANN ON THE RUN

(sung to the Paul McCartney and Wings song “Band On The Run”)

Just a boy with no friends, thinking that he’s clever,
Never havin’ no fun nights again, quite true,
Coulter you, Coulter you.

(sex-change break)

Spreading his politics of fear,
Hating you if you’re Black or gay,
Not a hint of veracity,
Does not know any other way
A transsexual without peer.
A transsexual without peer.

Well the rain exploded with a mighty crash when the Coulters had a son,
And before you know it he was growing his hair but he put it in a bun
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run
Coulter had a plan not to be a man. A sex change would be so fun

For the M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run,

Next he put mascara on his manly eyes, but he lacked a curvy bum
And as he was singing, he let down his hair. He was having so much fun
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run
Coulter had a plan not to be a man. A sex change would be so fun

Yeah the M’Ann on the run, the M’Ann on the run,
Yeah the M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run

Well, Fox News was calling as the right-wing world produced another clown
And the sound he’s making, unbalanced not fair, rumbles through the underground
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run

Always touting “Drudge” and loves to judge
Research reveals this bore

He’s a M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run…

Scott “Flip-Flop” Brown Doubles Down

Sen. Scott Brown (Teapublican-MA)

What is it with Massachusetts Republicans and their propensity to repeatedly switch positions on issues of political import? Inasmuch as the Bay State is situated on the stormy New England coast there are meteorological winds aplenty, but it is the winds of public opinion which effect members of the GOP.

The best example of a flip-flopping Massachusetts Republican of course, is former Governor Mitt Romney. In October 2002, while campaigning for governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney said he would “preserve and protect” a woman’s right to choose. He now describes himself as an abortion opponent. In a 1994 letter to the Log Cabin Republicans, who advocate gay rights, he said he was in favor of “gays and lesbians being able to serve openly and honestly” in the military. He now says it is a mistake to interfere with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. While campaigning for the Senate in 1994, he said he favored strong gun laws and did not “line up with the NRA.” He then joined the National Rifle Association in 2006 while pondering a presidential run, and he praised the group for “doing good things” and “supporting the right to bear arms.” In a November 2005 interview with The Boston Globe, he described an immigration overhaul advanced by John McCain as “reasonable.” While running against McCain in 2008 he denounced it as an “amnesty plan.” Of course most notable of all his reversals, Romney pioneered a universal health care overhaul while Governor of Massachusetts which includes a personal mandate for residents to purchase health insurance, yet he now opposes the national health care law which is a virtual mirror image of his own law.

Not to be out flip-flopped by his elder however, there is the clothing-challenged Scott Brown. The junior Republican senator from Massachusetts voted in favor of a carbon cap and trade law while a state legislator but now opposes all manner of cap and trade legislation at the federal level. Also, while a Massachusetts state legislator, Scott Brown voted in favor of the very same personal mandate universal health plan which Governor Romney signed into law. When elected as a US Senator in 2010 however, Brown said, “I’ll be the 41st vote, not the 60th vote” when describing his opposition to the federal health care law which was virtually identical to the Massachusetts law which he supported.

Scott Brown is not finished just yet however. His most recent bout of “I Was For It Before I Was Against It” disease  just won’t seem to fade away. While commenting last week upon Teapublican Rep. Paul Ryan’s draconian budget plan which includes the elimination of the Medicare program for the elderly, Brown said,

“The leaders will bring forward (Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan’s) budget, and I will vote for it, and it will fail.”             

Two days later, after having heard a boatload of negative reaction from his constituents, Brown hedged his bet a little. His spokesman Colin Reed hastily released a clarifying statement which stated,

“Senator Scott Brown will not disclose whether he supports a GOP budget plan that includes sweeping changes to Medicare, despite saying to a business group last week that he will vote for the measure when it comes up in the US Senate….”

OK then, so Scott Brown elected at this point to refuse to state whether he agrees or disagrees with his first promise to vote in favor of the elimination of the Medicare program. He essentially elected to keep his constituents in the dark until he casts his actual vote on the bill.

Next, a few days after that non-clarification, Scott brown appeared as a guest on a local Boston radio program and this is what transpired:

appeared on a local Boston talk radio program Wednesday and here is what transpired:

Radio Host: This specific proposal, the Ryan proposal to privatize Medicare, if it came up, does it have your support or it doesn’t?

Brown: First of all, it’s very difficult to get into hypotheticals because it’s not coming up, but the way that the Medicare and Medicaid proposals and a lot of other proposals in that bill are right now, no, I can’t support it, and I’ve made that very clear.

At this point, Senate Democrats, realizing that the Ryan plan and its Medicare destruction feature is so unpopular with the American public, have elected to hold a vote on the bill so as to force Republican politicians to publicly show their hands and commit on the issue. CNN reports, “This vote will be a lose-lose for Republicans because there will be enough ‘yes’ votes to affirm that ending Medicare is the official party position, but enough ‘no’ votes to that even some Republicans think it is too extreme and are heading for the hills politically,” said a senior Democratic leadership aide.

So, what does Scott Brown say about the upcoming vote? He posted an article on Politico.com yesterday in which he said,

“While I applaud Ryan for getting the conversation started, I cannot support his specific plan — and therefore will vote ‘no’ on his budget.”

Better yet still, Scott Brown has now gone full-fledged liberal Democrat by proclaiming in his article that,
“I fear that as health inflation rises, the cost of private plans will outgrow the government premium support- and the elderly will be forced to pay ever higher deductibles and co-pays. Protecting those who have been counting on the current system their entire adult lives should be the key principle of reform,”
And,
I do not think it (i.e. Medicare reform) requires us to change Medicare as we know it.” Parenthesis added.
Wow! What will the Teabaggers now say about their former nudist BFF, Scott Brown?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Send In The Clowns song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGekq3Jt5Go

THIS IS SCOTT BROWN

 (sung to the Judy Collins song “Send In The Clowns”)

Claims he’s not rich
Poses while bare
Drives an old truck around town
Mitt Romney hair
This is Scott Brown

And with a kiss
Scott does approve
Of tearing Medicare down
He is a boob
This is Scott Brown
Yes. It’s Scott Brown

Made many stops on his book tour
But he refuses to reveal his child molester
Though he may molest again, Scott Brown does not care
Turns a blind eye
Brown does not care

Scott Brown’s a farce
His end is near
He’s not what the Tea Party wants…
Sorry, Scott dear!
He is just a clown
So Mr. Brown
Don’t bother next year

(flip-flopping break)

Isn’t it rich?
Sometime next year
He will be unemployed late in his career
Yes, so long Scott Brown
We’re done with Scott Brown
Let’s stand up and cheer.

Beck v. Meghan McCain, Cindy McCain v. Beck, Meghan McCain v. Beck and O’Reilly v. Beck

Glenn Beck is reduced to tears...again!

As we have said so many, many times in the past, “Is there anything more entertaining than watching conservatives/Republicans fight amongst themselves?” This week we were treated to a real dandy of a tag-team war of words. The pugilists were Glenn Beck, Meghan McCain, Cindy McCain and Bill O’Reilly.

The brouhaha began when Failed GOP presidential nominee John McCain’s daughter Meghan appeared with other scantily clad celebrities in a public service announcement which promoted the use of sunblock to prevent skin cancer.

The ad appeared to be a well intentioned method to draw attention to the correlation between the sun’s rays and skin cancer.

The ever-immature and uneducated Glenn Beck did not see it that way however. Rather than commenting upon the message of the ad, the soon-to-be former Fox News host chose to mimic a 10 year old. While discussing the ad and Meghan McCain’s physical appearance on his radio program, he repeatedly pretended to vomit at the sight of the young McCain. he even suggested that she cover herself with a burka “to be extra safe”.

After hearing what Beck said about her daughter, Cindy McCain responded on Twitter: “I’m so glad Glenn Beck is leaving Fox: Enough vitriol and hate. Glenn, you are no rodeo clown. They are decent and nice. You aren’t.”

Not to be outdone by mom, Meghan blasted Beck in a Daily Beast column. She held no punches when she wrote,

“As a person who is known for his hot body, you must find it easy to judge the weight fluctuations of others, especially young women. If any of your daughters are ever faced with some kind of criticism of their physical appearance or weight, they should call me, because women’s body image is another issue I feel passionate about, and have become accustomed to dealing with and speaking with young women about on my college tours.”

Before Beck could manage a counter-attack, the young McCain tore into him again when she wrote,

“While we’re on the subject of you vomiting on air, maybe we should have a little talk. Clearly you have a problem with me, and possibly women in general, but the truth is, it’s 2011 and I heard your show on Fox was canceled. Isn’t that an indication that the era of the shock-jock pundit is over? Don’t you think that’s a sign you should be pulling it back a little? I mean, if you’re too conservative and outrageous for Fox, that should tell you something. There really is no need to make something like my participation in a skin-cancer PSA into a sexist rant about my weight and physical appearance, because I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Glenn: you are the only one who looks bad in this scenario…”

Beck was teetering and on the verge of suffering a TKO when Fox News host Bill O’Reilly jumped into the fray. The big surprise however, was that the falafel-waving big-mouth did not come to the defense of his Fox News associate. No, O’Reilly piled-on with the McCains. With Beck appearing on his show last Friday, O’Reilly surprisingly said, “If I was Cindy McCain, I’d slap the hell out of you,” Then, he added that he would invite Cindy McCain to his offices and “I’ll let her beat the hell out of you.”

Senator John McCain then told CNN he wouldn’t “dignify” Beck’s behavior with a comment.

7…8…9…10… Glenn Beck is down and out for the count!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Desperado song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BwOXlGbW6Q

Desperado

(sung to the Eagles song “Desperado”)

Desperado, you better come to your senses
Your racist offenses, so public now
Oh, you’re a hard one
But this will be your last season
The Fox boys are teasin’ you
Your show’s all done now

After your unseemly cryin’, boy
We knew you were unstable
We have all seen you fall apart on your set

Now it seems to me, you don’t bring
One sane sentence to the table
But what could one expect from crazy Glenn Beck

Desperado, you better fetch that old plunger
You’ll soon be flushed under that porcelain throne
Your kingdom, your kingdom fell and it’s not all that shocking
You just kept on talking till you were all alone

Will your deep dark soul hibernate in slime?
Your name, Glenn Beck, constitutes a crime
As does most everything that you say
Your sponsors all fleeing your show
Ain’t it funny as we watch them go away?

Desperado, You’ve shown us all what nonsense is
The prevailing sense is, you only hate
Your tears are rainin’, cuz you know nobody loves you
The Lord in Heaven up above you
(heaven up above you)
The Lord in Heaven up above you will decide your fate

Racist Paul Takes On Confused Trump

Who could have guessed that there would be a second episode of Celebrity Death Match this week? Following immediately upon the heels of yesterday’s feud which featured Glenn Beck and Mike Huckabee, today we have Rand Paul v. Donald Trump.

While stumping in New Hampshire for his father Ron Paul, (the failed 2008 GOP presidential candidate), Paul Jr. took aim at reality television host and bankrupt billionaire Donald Trump. CNN reports that while speaking at a Merrimack County Republican Committee fundraiser on Thursday,  Paul said, “I’ve come to New Hampshire today because I’m very concerned. I want to see the original long-form certificate of Donald Trump’s Republican registration.”

It appears that while The Donald has been busy unsuccessfully questioning Barack Obama’s presidential qualifications, he has shined a spotlight on his own Republican bona fides. First he was unable to produce an official long form copy of his own birth certificate. Next, it was revealed that the China-bashing thug who claims that he knows how to bring manufacturing jobs back to the states, actually has his Donald J. Trump Signature Collection clothing line manufactured in guess where? Yes, China! Finally, Trump’s voting record and campaign contributions to Democratic candidates have also raised issues about his GOP credentials. CNN reported this week that Trump changed his party registration three times over the past 20 years and did not even cast a vote in the 2002 general election.

Little Paul also mentioned in his Granite State speech that Trump has donated thousands of dollars to Democratic majority leader Sen. Harry Reid of Nevada and Democratic Rep. Charlie Rangel of New York in the last election cycle. Paul expressed concern that attention focused on GOP candidates like Trump distracts from important discussions on topics of great concern to conservatives such as the deficit and the economy. He said, “Let’s look to Republicans who not only talk the talk but walk the walk.”

ROUND ONE: Rand Paul

Donald Trump however, has the ammunition to fire back at Puny Paul should he choose to do so.

You might recall that Paul is the guy that appeared on national television and stated that he believes that private business should once again be allowed to racially discriminate. He also said that he disagrees with the prohibition against such racial discrimination as delineated in the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution. Paul was so surprised by the near-universal condemnation of his position, that the following week he became the first politician in history to abruptly cancel his scheduled appearance on the Sunday morning Meet The Press television program. Yet, his endorsement of racial discrimination is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Rand Paul’s radical beliefs and contradictory statements.

Rand Paul also wants so called “anchor babies” (children born in the US with parents not legally in the country) to be stripped of their US citizenship and deported. Problem is, the US Constitution says, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.” Additionally, Paul has said that Medicaid is a form of “intergenerational warfare”. What he has not admitted to however is that 50% of his medical practice’s income is in the form of Medicare and Medicaid payments. Furthermore, Paul has declared that elderly, fixed-income Medicare recipients should be subjected to a $ 2,000.00 deductible before receiving benefits.

Rand Paul also has a questionable personal life history. Although he professes to be a devout christian, while a student at Baylor University, Paul belonged to a secret society known as the NoZe Brotherhood. The group’s work often had a specifically anti-Christian tone, as it made fun of the Baptist college’s faith-based orientation and called the Holy Bible “a hoax”. Also while at Baylor, Rand Paul allegedly kidnapped a fellow student, tried to force her to take bong hits, and demanded that she participate in a bizarre ritual involving his God, which he referred to as “Aqua Buddha.”

Crazy stuff, but Rand Paul has also been deceptive as an adult. On June 14, 2010 the Louisville Courier-Journal reported that Paul, who described himself as a “board-certified” ophthalmologist, was not actively certified by the American Board of Ophthalmology. Paul is currently certified by the National Board of Ophthalmology, but that is merely a rival organization founded by Paul himself in 1999 with Paul as president and his wife as vice-president. The National Board of Ophthalmology’s mailing address is a UPS Store in Bowling Green, Kentucky; the organization lacks a website and is not recognized by the American Board of Medical Specialties (ABMS).

ROUND TWO: Potentially Donald Trump

DECISION: Tie. They are both tainted losers.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today;s topical song parody.

We’re An American Band song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy-JaDzvlXI

UN-AMERICAN RAND

(sung to the Grand Funk Railroad song “We’re An American Band”)

Out on the road for forty days
Last night in Bowling Green, he was in a haze
Dead-beat con-man was doing his act
Rand Paul is our foe and that’s a natural fact

Had a fight with Reverend King
Doesn’t like the 14th Amendment thing
Likes blacks when they’re out of sight
But not at the lunch counter sitting to his right

He’s un-American Rand
He’s un-American Rand
Kentucky’s biggest clown
Tea-Baggers hangin’ around
He’s un-American Rand

Hates honest Christians and Obama
Hating Medicare but that’s how he earns dough
He is no good, too far right and he’s Tea Party blight
Rand Paul hurls invectives to stir up a fight

Rand Paul is crazy, he should be banned
He seems to live in a fantasy land
Paul is just a crude Tea Party pawn
But he’s succeeding to bring that party down

He’s un-American Rand
He’s un-American Rand
Kentucky’s biggest clown
Don’t know a verb from a noun
He’s un-American Rand

He’s un-American Rand
He’s un-American Rand
Kentucky’s biggest clown
Shuns a big smile for a frown
He’s un-American Rand

($ 2,000.00 Medicare deductible break)

He’s un-American Rand
He’s un-American Rand
He don’t know up from down
Let’s kick this bum outta town
He’s un-American Rand

He’s un-American Rand
He’s un-American Rand
Kentucky’s biggest clown
Tea-Baggers hangin’ around
He’s un-American Rand

He’s un-American Rand (whooo)
He’s un-American Rand (whooo)
He’s un-American Rand (whooo)