Category Archives: tina fey

Sarah Palin Is Not Tina’s Fey(vorite) Person

America as a nation owes a substantial debt of gratitude to Tina Fey. This wonderful woman did more to reveal the ridiculousness of Sarah Palin during the 2008 Presidential election campaign than did any single member of the “lamestream” media. OK, Charles Gibson and Katie Couric also did their part. Nevertheless, it was Tina Fey who made it all so humorously memorable. Who will ever forget when she gave a spot-on Palin impersonation and said, “I can see Alaska from my house” or “Katie, I’d like to use one of my lifelines, I’d like to phone a friend”?

How about when she simply parroted the near exact words of Sarah Palin giving an answer during the Katie Couric interview on the subject of the bank bailout which Palin was in favor of before she was against it? If you do not remember that, do not worry. Here it is the original and the Tina Fey version for your viewing pleasure. (For the second video you will be prompted to click on the YouTube link.)

Thanks for the memories, Tina.

Well, lucky for us, Tina Fey is not quite done ribbing Palin. Fey was awarded the 2010 Mark Twain Prize for Humor a few weeks ago and she went at Sarah Palin yet again. Upon accepting the award, she said the following:

I would be a liar and an idiot if I didn’t thank Sarah Palin for helping get me here tonight. My partial resemblance and her crazy voice are the two luckiest things that ever happened to me. And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women – except, of course –those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape ‘kit ‘n’ stuff,” Fey said. “But for everybody else, it’s a win-win. Unless you’re a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years – whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know – actually, I take it back. The whole thing’s a disaster.

You just have to love Tina Fey. Brava!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0

RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)

(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about geography
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I love my shoes
And I really love my beehive ‘do
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

Yes, I do practice “politics of hate”
And I love to equivocate
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim that I can see Russia
From my living room bay
And I do not star on “Thirty Rock”, baby
That’s the talented Tina Fey

Don’t know much about interviews
Don’t know many Supreme Court views
Can’t name any books that I’ve read
Sure glad Bristol and Levi aren’t wed

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

And I do know you’ll love Sarah P.
We’ll be a nation of Scientology
What a right wing world this will be

Levi Johnston Says, “I Want MY MTV”

As we’ve said so many times in the past, sometimes these blog entries and song parodies simply write themselves. Today is one of those instances.

The reunited Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston had allegedly shopped around for a reality television series chronicling their upcoming wedding and early day-to-day marriage life. Their efforts failed however, after the networks decided that they were not entertaining and hence were unmarketable. Their joint dreams of fame were at least temporarily squashed, but Levi had another plan. Only this time, Bristol was not in the mix.

Plan B? Well, it has now been revealed that Johnston, the former nude model, will appear in an R&B music video in which he will play a young man driven away from his love interest by the young woman’s mother. Gee, that sounds rather autobiographical doesn’t it? The actual R&B artist is someone known as Brittani Senser.

This should absolutely send Sarah Palin over the edge. It is clear that the half-term, ex-quitting Governor of Alaska is not pleased that her formerly unmarried pregnant teen daughter will now tie the knot with the child’s uneducated and unemployed father. Sarah Palin is a revenge seeker of the highest order (see, Mike Wooten, David Letterman, Joe McGinniss and Lisa Murkowski) and she will be enraged at the fact that the narrative of the song reflects her own previous treatment of Johnston. Remember when she castigated Johnston on Oprah for pursuing a career in porn? It remains to be seen how Sarah “Plain and Stupid” will exact her revenge at this thinly veiled slight by Johnston.

Will she for instance, boycott the wedding? Will she attend the wedding but forget to bring a gift? Will she plan and pay for the newlyweds’ honeymoon trip maybe to North Korea or Iran? Will she hire a ghostwriter to pen a tell-all tome of Johnston? Better yet, perhaps Sarah will utilize a tete-for-tete strategy by means of appearing in her own music video in which she tells the tale of an impregnating stalker of innocent teens. Johnston must be warned that revenge is a dish best served cold.

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF SARAH AND LEVI (PART II)

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Can you pray away gay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Hollywood Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said that, “soon I will be on MTV”

Christ you know he loves TV,
His part should earn him a fee
And he loves annoying
His mother-in-law to be

Earning every penny for a rainy day,
Tricking Bristol into marrying,
Know what Sarah said?
“Soon he will be dead!”
But then she will be haunted by his ghost – Think!

Maybe she’ll have Levi arrested.
Palin dignity in free-fall.
Young Bristol will claim,
“My mom is to blame,”
“She always has her henchmen on call”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Republicans: Big Banks and Big Fish Stories!

It was refreshing last weekend to see both President Obama and the main stream media publicly call out the Republican Party leadership and the banking industry for jointly trying to defeat the passage of a strict financial institution regulatory law which is aimed at preventing another financial meltdown followed by a taxpayer bailout. Both Obama and CNN‘s Candy Crowley exposed the ugly truth that G.O.P.ers Mitch McConnell and John Cornyn met with two dozen top Wall Street executives last week in an effort to craft a means to defeat any strong financial institution regulation proposed by Democrats.

In his weekly address on Saturday, President Obama said that the strict regulations sought by Democrats,

have not exactly been welcomed by the people who profit from the status quo – as well their allies in Washington. This is probably why the special interests have spent a lot of time and money lobbying to kill or weaken the bill. Just the other day, in fact, the leader of the Senate Republicans and the chair of the Republican Senate campaign committee met with two dozen top Wall Street executives to talk about how to block progress on this issue. Lo and behold, when he returned to Washington, the Senate Republican Leader came out against the common-sense reforms we’ve proposed.

Then on CNN‘s State Of The Union on Sunday, Candy Crowley grilled Mitch McConnell as to whether the meeting took place, what was said during the meeting and if, and why John Cornyn was present. McConnell was forced to admit that the meeting took place and that Cornyn was present. He appeared to contradict himself however, while trying to explain the content of the conversation.

First he said, “Well, we certainly didn’t talk about blocking the bill, I don’t know anybody who’s in favor of blocking this bill.” Then when Crowley followed up by asking what the Wall Street executives asked McConnell and Cornyn, he said, “Well, they have concerns about the bill,” adding that he thought the Senate ought to “go back to the drawing board” and fix the legislation. So, it appears that the G.O.P. gameplan for financial reform mirrors its failed opposition to health care reform: Scratch the whole thing and start over with some new regulation at a later date, preferably after the November 2010 elections. Once again, the Republicans are a “Party Without a Plan”.

Crowley was forced to ask McConnell three times why John Cornyn was present at the meeting before receiving this circuitous answer,

Well, look, we were talking about financial regulation, as everybody in the country is talking about it. Most of the people in New York supported the president, the vast majority of them are on his side. They supported him during the election, they still support him. Is he saying we shouldn’t sit down with his supporters and talk about a bill that he thinks we ought to pass and that I think we ought to pass? This is absurd, he…

Really Mr. McConnell, that is all well and good but why was John Cornyn with you? When Crowley asked the question again, McConnell responded,

Candy, [Obama] is the one who is trying to politicize this issue. We are the ones who are trying to get it right.

When asked a third time, McConnell finally said,

Sen. Cornyn is a United States senator from Texas. He is going to be voting on this issue like all the rest of us are. Simply because we are all involved in politics, as is the president, it doesn’t mean that we can’t discuss issues with people that we meet around the country who are deeply involved and concerned about what we are doing.

Boy Mitch, that really cleared things up. We still don’t understand why Cornyn was there and in the same interview you said that that the bill should be passed and that it should be scratched. What are you talking about? Why don’t you just admit the obvious truth. The Republican Party and the Wall Street bankers are in bed together in a manner that resembles so many other G.O.P. tawdry trysts.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Have fun!

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9_fDEsv-Q

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter -  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Walking In A Palin Wonderland

The Twelve (OK, Seventeen) Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

We have two short but noteworthy comments to make today. The first is that the Republican Party has once again sunk to the deepest of Hell’s depths on this Holy week. Prior to the Senate’s vote on Monday to advance its version of the health care reform bill, Oklahoma’s Republican Senator (and gynecologist) Tom Coburn asked the American people to pray that someone would die. Here are his exact words,

What the American people ought to pray is that somebody can’t make the vote tonight. That’s what they ought to pray

This type of hypocricy is typical for the Republicans. Here they are calling themselves the “pro-life” party while at the same time asking people to request that God kill somebody merely to prevent them from casting a vote in the Senate. The comment is particularly damning of Coburn, who as a physician, has taken a solemn oath to preserve lives. If God were to pay any attention to that monster, not only would at least one Senator lose his life but so would many of those presently uninsured sick persons who’s lives will be saved by health care reform. Merry Christmas to you too, Mr. Coburn.

Our second item of interest involves our favorite blog subject, Sarah Palin. The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska wrote in her ghostwritten memoir, Going Rogue:

In that first year, I was alerted to threats against Willow by students at her Juneau school, one particularly disturbing. Someone posted a note on an Internet site threatening to gang-rape her at school. I never felt safe for her after that. Later, the same thing happened to Bristol.

That was obviously an indefensible act of violence proposed against two of the governor’s daughters. Palin had every reason to fear for her daughters’ safety and to remove them from their schools if she found the threats to be credible. She also had an obligation to report the threats to the school administration and to local law enforcement agencies, if not to protect her own daughters, then to protect and warn the other students that remained in those schools. Problem is however, it does not appear that Sarah Palin reported the threats to anyone.

The JuneauEmpire.com reports that former Juneau School District Superintendent Peggy Cowan was superintendent during the period in question and said she never heard of such concerns. They also report that Juneau Police Chief Greg Browning similarly said his department has no record of ever being alerted to such threats. Finally, it was also reported that  the Alaska State Troopers provide a security detail for Palin, but trooper spokeswoman Megan Peters said the first they heard about the allegation was from Palin’s book.

This raises the question, just what in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here? Did these threatened gang rapes ever really happen? If so, why did Palin fail to report such a serious situation to any of the proper authorities? If she failed to report the threats in an attempt to protect her daughters’ privacy, then why did she reveal the whole situation in her best selling book? Can anything that Sarah Palin says be believed?

Lastly, as any and all of you self-respecting Seinfeld fans out there already know, today is the holiday of FESTIVUS. You know, “Festivus for the rest of us”. So, without further adieu, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would like to wish all of you fellow Rockateers a Merry Festivus!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s holiday song parody.

Winter Wonderland song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcAuqshkqE

PALIN BLUNDERLAND

(sung to the Ray Conniff Singers version of “Winter Wonderland”)

Sarah P., are you listening?
Or are you at a Christening?
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

Quit your job on July third
You belong where you’re not heard
Go back to Hong Kong
Please take Todd along
Living in a Palin blunderland

You can even bring that “Plumber Joe”, man
He can fly the jet as you leave town

He’ll say, “You still married?”
You’ll say, “No, man!”
But you can have the job
When we touch ground

Later on, you’ll conspire,
To get Tina Fey fired
The price that you paid
To be renegade
Living in a Palin blunderland

Sarah P., are you listening?
Or are you at a Christening?
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

You have all the warmth of a fresh snowman
And all the smarts of a circus clown
You sold a book and made a lot of dough, man
It had no verbs but had a lot of nouns

You just love oil well drilling
And your polar bear killing
You frolic and play, the G.O.P. way
Living in a Palin blunderland

Sarah Palin: The Irrelevant Elephant

Palin shills for "Arctic Cat".

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off‘s Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies kicks off today. Please enjoy.

In light of the media frenzy that has surrounded Sarah Palin since her selection in September 2008 as the Republican nominee for Vice President, it is easy to forget that she was second on the ticket. Although prior to her selection she was virtually unknown to most Americans, it would be difficult now to find someone that has not heard of her (then again, many do wish that was the case). The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska has sought and found the public spotlight on numerous occasions since losing the Presidential election. Whether it was her abrupt quitting as governor complete with an incomprehensible resignation speech, feuding with David Letterman, fuming about non-existent death panels, feuding with her once and future son-in-law Levi Johnston or conducting a book-hawking bus tour by means of luxury jet, Palin has been omnipresent. As Palin increasingly becomes the visage of the Republican Party the G.O.P.’s elephant mascot has become irrelevant.

The same may also be true of Palin herself, however. Her former running-mate sees little to no positive effect of the Palin-Factor. In fact, John McCain has deemed Sarah Palin to be irrelevant. While appearing as a guest on Meet The Press last Sunday, McCain said,

“I’m entertained every time I see people attack her and attack her and attack her — she’s irrelevant but they continue to attack her.”

Ouch, we bet Sarah could feel the sting of those words all the way out in Minnesota’s Mall of America. Not exactly the type of Christmas present she was expecting from her old pal, but perhaps she should have been a bit more diplomatic when discussing McCain’s campaign staff in her ghost-written work of fiction. Sarah Palin has now learned the hard way, that what goes around, comes around.

As an aside, today is a big election day in Massachusetts. The special primary election to fill Edward M. Kennedy’s U.S. Senate seat dominates the day’s news. The Democratic Party primary consists of the following four candidates; Mike Capuano (current member U.S, House of Representatives), Martha Coakley (current Massachusetts Attorney General), Steve Pagliuca (co-owner of the NBA’s Boston Celtics) and Alan Khazei (founder of an AmeriCorps organization known as City year). Although all four candidates profess to having a progressive/liberal agenda, Lynnrocket’s Blast-Off endorses Mike Capuano because he has already put his money where his mouth is. While sitting as a U.S. Representative, he voted against both the Patriot Act and the Iraq War when few others had the courage to oppose the Bush regime.

State Senator Scott Brown will be the Republican candidate in the general election. This being Massachusetts however, he has absolutely no chance of winning the senate seat. The general election will take place on January 19, 2010. Stay tuned.

Finally, we would like to congratulate the Green Bay Packers for their victory over the Baltimore ravens last night. The Packers record has improved to 8 – 4, and they presently hold a wildcard playoff berth. is the Pack back? Let’s hope so.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune (if you live on Mars) and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Frosty The Snowman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGDi8TqqeX8&feature=related

SARAH THE SNOWGAL

(sung to the Christmas song “Frosty the Snowman”)

Sarah the snowgal was a lipsticked hockey mom
With a beehive ‘do and a “wink, wink” too
A U. of Idaho alum

Sarah the snowgal was enticed by Johnny Mack
To be his V.P., she was “mavericky”
And was liked by “Joe Sixpack”

The first mistake she made was to agree to interviews
For when she tried to speak aloud
She was just so damn confused

Oh, Sarah the snowgal couldn’t be any dumber
She’s a babbling brook, couldn’t name a book
Like her pal “Joe the Plumber”

Yakity yak yak,
Yakity yak yak,
Look at her glazed stare
Yakity yak yak,
Yakity yak yak,
Her head’s full of air

Sarah the snowgal was almost a pageant queen
But her parenting skill was darn near nil
So, an unwed pregnant teen

Things spiraled downward right up to election day
“Politics of Hate” and then “Troopergate”
Not to mention Tina Fey

The election did not go well, it ended in defeat
Levi’s mom was busted too
She was dealing Oxy-C

Poor Sarah the snowgal now has no-one to wink at
She will run again, but until then
She is owned by Arctic Cat

Yakity yak yak,
Yakity yak yak.
All she does is gripe
Yakity yak yak,
Yakity yak yak,
It’s media hype

Sarah Palin Boob Tube Theme Songs – 30

We hope everyone had a happy and healthy Thanksgiving holiday. We are also glad that the Green Bay Packers vanquished the Detroit Lions so as to keep their playoff hopes alive. Bring on the Baltimore Ravens! Now, if only the Boston Bruins and Celtics can continue to hold onto first place in their divisions of the NHL and NBA.

We are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun song parodies. Inasmuch as Sarah Palin fancies herself the outdoorsy type, we thought we might spoof her with the classic 1960’s theme song from television’s Daniel Boone.

Daniel Boone theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQ1QUwgn4Pw

SARAH P.

(sung to the theme of “Daniel Boone”)

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a lame guv.
But McCain was even lamer,
so should we really blame her, golly gee

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a dumb guv.
But the First Dude was dumber,
so she summoned “Joe the Plumber” to the scene.

From the beehive do on the top of her head
To the spike of her high heeled shoes;
Like a zombie from “Night of the Living Dead”,
She looked so damn confused.

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a slick guv.
In an attempt to win her hicks back;
Her speeches addressed “Joe Sixpack’ all the time.

Drivin’ demons out with prayer!
A one-time Wasilla mayor, was she!

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a big guv.
But her quitting nature’s bigger;
So she pulled the quitting trigger, did she.

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a gun guv.
She loved aerial shootin’;
And would love to blast Mike Wooten from a tree!

She said, “Thanks But No Thanks” and “Drill Baby Drill”
But beyond that had nothin’ to say;
During interviews, she just should have sat still,
Was upstaged by Tina Fey

Sarah P. was a guv.
Was a swine guv.
And she was quite a whiner;
With her lipstick and eye-liner, was she!

Sarah Palin Faces The Truth Squad

Great comic from the Chattanooga Times Free Press

Sarah Palin’s ghostwritten memoir  officially crawls out from its dark, moldy underground tunnel and presents itself to the masses today. The work of fiction however, has already been released in advance to certain members of the media and from there its contents have leaked almost everywhere. What have we learned thus far? Well, it appears that most objective reviewers and many of those folks written about in the book believe it to be filled with much more fiction than fact.

For instance, John McCain’s former campaign manager, Steve Schmidt has labeled the book, “total fiction.” Another McCain campaign aide said, “The book fully reveals her. Dishonest, small and petty.” Ouch!!! That same aide told Politics Daily,

“It’s like, ‘What’s she so angry about?’ She was picked to be vice president of the United States. She had an exceptional opportunity. Everything is someone else’s fault. There’s no accountability. It’s mean-spirited. But if you look at the record, it is what it is.”

The Associated Press has gone so far as to publish a researched fact check of claims made by the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska and it is not flattering. Here are some excerpts,

___

PALIN: Says she made frugality a point when traveling on state business as Alaska governor, asking “only” for reasonably priced rooms and not “often” going for the “high-end, robe-and-slippers” hotels.

THE FACTS: Although travel records indicate she usually opted for less-pricey hotels while governor, Palin and daughter Bristol stayed five days and four nights at the $707.29-per-night Essex House luxury hotel (robes and slippers come standard) overlooking New York City’s Central Park for a five-hour women’s leadership conference in October 2007. With air fare, the cost to Alaska was well over $3,000. Event organizers said Palin asked if she could bring her daughter. The governor billed her state more than $20,000 for her children’s travel, including to events where they had not been invited, and in some cases later amended expense reports to specify that they had been on official business.

___

PALIN: Boasts that she ran her campaign for governor on small donations, mostly from first-time givers, and turned back large checks from big donors if her campaign perceived a conflict of interest.

THE FACTS: Of the roughly $1.3 million she raised for her primary and general election campaigns for governor, more than half came from people and political action committees giving at least $500, according to an AP analysis of her campaign finance reports. The maximum that individual donors could give was $1,000; $2,000 for a PAC.

Of the rest, about $76,000 came from Republican Party committees.

She accepted $1,000 each from a state senator and his wife in the weeks after the two Republican lawmakers’ offices were raided by the FBI as part of an investigation into a powerful Alaska oilfield services company. After AP reported those donations during the presidential campaign, she said she would give a comparative sum to charity after the general election in 2010, a date set by state election laws.

___

PALIN: Rails against taxpayer-financed bailouts, which she attributes to Obama. She recounts telling daughter Bristol that to succeed in business, “you’ll have to be brave enough to fail.”

THE FACTS: Palin is blurring the lines between Obama’s stimulus plan — a $787 billion package of tax cuts, state aid, social programs and government contracts — and the federal bailout that Republican presidential candidate John McCain voted for and President George W. Bush signed.

Palin’s views on bailouts appeared to evolve as McCain’s vice presidential running mate. In September 2008, she said “taxpayers cannot be looked to as the bailout, as the solution, to the problems on Wall Street.” A week later, she said “ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy.”

During the vice presidential debate in October, Palin praised McCain for being “instrumental in bringing folks together” to pass the $700 billion bailout. After that, she said “it is a time of crisis and government did have to step in.”

___

PALIN: Says Ronald Reagan faced an even worse recession than the one that appears to be ending now, and “showed us how to get out of one. If you want real job growth, cut capital gains taxes and slay the death tax once and for all.”

THE FACTS: The estate tax, which some call the death tax, was not repealed under Reagan and capital gains taxes are lower now than when Reagan was president.

Economists overwhelmingly say the current recession is far worse. The recession Reagan faced lasted for 16 months; this one is in its 23rd month. The recession of the early 1980s did not have a financial meltdown. Unemployment peaked at 10.8 percent, worse than the October 2009 high of 10.2 percent, but the jobless rate is still expected to climb.

___

PALIN: Criticizes an aide to her predecessor, Gov. Frank Murkowski, for a conflict of interest because the aide represented the state in negotiations over a gas pipeline and then left to work as a handsomely paid lobbyist for ExxonMobil. Palin asserts her administration ended all such arrangements, shoving a wedge in the revolving door between special interests and the state capital.

THE FACTS: Palin ignores her own “revolving door” issue in office; the leader of her own pipeline team was a former lobbyist for a subsidiary of TransCanada, the company that ended up winning the rights to build the pipeline.

___

PALIN: Writes about a city councilman in Wasilla, Alaska, who owned a garbage truck company and tried to push through an ordinance requiring residents of new subdivisions to pay for trash removal instead of taking it to the dump for free — this to illustrate conflicts of interest she stood against as a public servant.

THE FACTS: As Wasilla mayor, Palin pressed for a special zoning exception so she could sell her family’s $327,000 house, then did not keep a promise to remove a potential fire hazard on the property.

She asked the city council to loosen rules for snow machine races when she and her husband owned a snow machine store, and cast a tie-breaking vote to exempt taxes on aircraft when her father-in-law owned one. But she stepped away from the table in 1997 when the council considered a grant for the Iron Dog snow machine race in which her husband competes.

___

PALIN: Welcomes last year’s Supreme Court decision deciding punitive damages for victims of the nation’s largest oil spill tragedy, the Exxon Valdez disaster, stating it had taken 20 years to achieve victory. As governor, she says, she’d had the state argue in favor of the victims, and she says the court’s ruling went “in favor of the people.” Finally, she writes, Alaskans could recover some of their losses.

THE FACTS: That response is at odds with her reaction at the time to the ruling, which resolved the long-running case by reducing punitive damages for victims to $500 million from $2.5 billion. Environmentalists and plaintiffs’ lawyers decried the ruling as a slap at the victims and Palin herself said she was “extremely disappointed.” She said the justices had gutted a jury decision favoring higher damage awards, the Anchorage Daily News reported. “It’s tragic that so many Alaska fishermen and their families have had their lives put on hold waiting for this decision,” she said, noting many had died “while waiting for justice.”

___

PALIN: Describing her resistance to federal stimulus money, Palin describes Alaska as a practical, libertarian haven of independent Americans who don’t want “help” from government busybodies.

THE FACTS: Alaska is also one of the states most dependent on federal subsidies, receiving much more assistance from Washington than it pays in federal taxes. A study for the nonpartisan Tax Foundation found that in 2005, the state received $1.84 for every dollar it sent to Washington.

Perhaps the most biting comment of all however, was made by David Brooks on ABC‘s This Morning last Sunday. He was asked what he thought of Palin’s soon to be released book and he said, “She’s a joke. I just can’t take her seriously.” He then went on to say, “The idea that this potential talk show host is considered seriously for the Republican nomination, believe me, it will never happen. Republican primary voters are just not going to elect a talk show host.”

If the book is receiving this kind of negative criticism before its official release, how will it possibly hold up under widespread fact checking after others have had the opportunity to comb through its greasy contents? It appears evident that Palin’s autobiography is a work of fiction. If you are interested in being entertained by a more truthful account of the rise and fall of Caribou Barbie, please enjoy today’s song parody. remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U219P_zs7w

THE WRECK OF THE SARAH L. PALIN

(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald ”)

The legend lives on from the North Slope on down
To the town they call Sandpoint, Idaho
The Heath’s one would say, had a daughter that day
Why they kept her, I must say, “I don’t know”

They loaded up the truck and they tested their luck
When they moved to Wasilla, Alaska
Sarah enrolled in school and was nobody’s fool
On the court they called her “Barracuda”.

In 1982 she left for Honolulu
Off to Hawaii Pacific College
She did not last long there nor at anywhere
In her quest for some meaningful knowledge.

She finally did see a journalism degree
After stints at 5 or 6 safety schools
Sometime in between she was a pageant queen
Then she worked in TV for KTUU.

She met up with her fate sometime in ’88
When her TV career was a failin’
And everyone knew, as her parents did too
She would soon be the Bride of Todd Palin.

Long before she did wed, she conceived in his bed
That was the end of her abstinency
While laid out on her back, she gave birth to Lil’ Track
The result of an unwed pregnancy.

She was now in a lurch cuz of her right wing church
But she carried on without a care
She had a beehive hairdo, but had nothing to do
That all changed when she became the Mayor.

She appointed some crooks then she banned some good books
No one lasted if they weren’t on her team
Wasilla’s deficit grew, kids fired-up on homebrew
Not to mention the methamphetamine.

She became the next Guv and to show the state love
She proposed to unite remote shore banks
But once in a bind she politely declined
To the bridge she said,”Thanks but no thanks”.

John McCain now you see had to choose a VP
His campaign was certainly failin’
He wanted a she that was trés “mavericky”
So he chose Alaska’s Sarah Palin.

But poor press reviews of her live interviews
With Couric and Gibson oft replayed
Showed she could not spar with the nightly news stars
Let alone outperform Tina Fey

The election was lost and poor Sarah was tossed
From her seat on “The Straight Talk Express”
She went home and did pose in her new store-bought clothes
But  Alaskans were not now impressed

She’s no longer a saint due to ethics complaints
She has nobody left now to wink at
Her appointees ignored and her actions abhorred
She’s reduced to shilling for “Arctic Cat”

She gave Levi some lip about visiting Tripp
And Todd’s sister is facing some jailin’
But paternity laws might be the final straw
For the wreck known as Sarah L. Palin

Sarah Palin and Republican Party Divorce Is Final (Updated)

mommy_stupid

The first important election day since President Obama won the White House is here today. This is also the day that might mark the official demise of Republicans as a viable political party. Regardless of whether New York’s 23rd District Congressional special election is won by the Democratic Party candidate or the third party Conservative Party candidate one thing is certain, the Republican Party will lose another seat in Congress. Despite the fact that the seat has been held by Republicans since the 1870′s and that the seat was most recently vacated by a popular Republican Congressman, the party now has no horse in this race. Republicans can thank Sarah Palin, Dick Armey and Glenn Beck for that.

In the eyes of Palin, Armey and Beck, the Republican party must be purged of all moderates so that only the wacky conservative wing will dictate policy. You are familiar with the wacky conservative wing aren’t you? You know, the Tea-Baggers, the Minutemen Militia, the Ku Klux Klan, Michele “Bat-Shit Crazy” Bachmann and the three aforementioned loonies. The problem is however, that only approximately 20% of the national electorate are registered as Republicans inclusive of the combined numbers of moderates and conservatives. The Palin clan’s plan of forcing Republican candidates to drop out of races by means of endorsing more conservative candidates from a bevy of third parties only ensures that membership in the Republican Party will continue to decrease. Only Palin and company could see any logic in this type of addition by subtraction. Then again, virtually all polling shows that conservatives do not fare well in education comparisons with liberals, so we cannot really blame them for not comprehending this funny math.

Hence, the future of the Republican Party appears to be doomed. Worse yet however, is that this new breed of ultra-conservative third party candidates appears to be as crazy and misguided as their supporters. The most vivid recent example of this is the aforementioned Conservative Party candidate in New York,  Doug Hoffman who recently said, “I pledge my sacred honor” to uphold Glenn Beck’s political principles. He also appeared on Beck’s radio show this week and referred to Beck as “his mentor.” If 23rd District voters send this guy to Washington they might then consider checking into the nervous hospital for a little electro-shock therapy. Let’s hope they see the light and elect Democrat, Bill Owens.

UPDATE: Palin and company have successfully wounded the Republican Party. Democrat, Bill Owens wins New York’s 23rd Congressional District. Republicans lose control of the seat that they held since the 1870′s. Good work, Sarah. Everything she touches turns foul.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

Sarah Palin: The Greatest American Zero

PalinWonderWoman

Palin dons her Halloween costume at book signing.

Sarah Palin’s ghost-written memoir, Going Rogue is not the only pro-Palin tome soon to be released. U.S. News and World Report has revealed that Weekly Standard writer, Matthew Continetti has just released his loving ode to the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska. Continetti’s book is titled, The Persecution Of Sarah Palin and attempts to explain why the media and feminists alike disdain the failed Republican Vice Presidential nominee. Then again, is an explanation really necessary? Isn’t it blatantly obvious that Palin is repulsive to the media because she hid from it during most of her camaign? Additionally, don’t feminists dislike her because of her anti-feminist stance on such issues as equal pay for equal work and for charging rape victims for rape kits? Continetti disagrees and has a different take on the root of the revulsion. here a few tasty quotes:

The left recoils at a certain swagger, a manner of speech, and a lack of cultural embarrassment that the two (she and George W. Bush) share. Neither Bush nor Palin mind the fact that they are not part of this country’s cognoscenti. But until Palin showed up, one could have written off the liberal reaction to Bush as simply anti-Texan bias. That wasn’t it, however. Palin proved that at its root the reaction to these folksy Western politicians is a form of anti-provincialism; revulsion toward people who do not aspire to adopt the norms, values, politics and attitudes of the Eastern cultural elite.

So let’s get this straight, Continetti believes that the press did not like Palin because she shared the same traits as George W. Bush regarding a lack of norms, values and attitudes of the Eastern cultural elite. But wasn’t Bush born in Connecticut, then schooled and boarded at the prestigious Phillips Andover Academy in Massachusetts before obtaining his undergraduate degree at Yale University (where he was a member of the uber-elite Skull and Bones Society) and then his masters degree at Harvard University? Geesh, that sure is a lot of Eastern cultural elitism for most Americans. Maybe what Continetti meant to say was that despite college degrees, both Palin and Bush are dumber than door nails.

Continetti also claims that liberal left-leaning feminists like actress Tina Fey are simply jealous of Sarah Palin. He writes:

Palin’s sudden global fame rankled those feminists whose own path to glory had been difficult. To them, Palin was less a female success story than she was the beneficiary of male chauvinism. It was telling that Fey should be the actress who impersonated Palin. The two women may look like each other, but they could not be more dissimilar. Each exemplifies a different category of feminism. Palin comes from the I-can-do-it-all school. She is professionally successful, has been married for more than 20 years, and has a large and (from all outward appearances) happy family. And while Fey is also pretty, married, and has a daughter, the characters she portrays in films like Mean Girls and Baby Mama, and in television shows like 30 Rock, are hard-pressed eggheads who give up personal fulfillment—e.g., marriage and motherhood—in the pursuit of professional success.

Okay, let’s dissect and analyze those words of wisdom. First he claims that Palin is professionally successful, but didn’t she lose her last election bid and didn’t she quit her last job? Is that professional success? Then he says that she has a large and happy family. Did Continetti miss the fact that Palin had an unwed pregnant teen daughter? How happy did that make the “abstinence only” clan? He also failed to mention that Palin and her grandchild’s father are in an escalating tit for tat feud. How joyous. Oh, and then there was that time when she tried to get her brother-in-law fired from his job as an Alaskan State Trooper after having allegedly tazored her nephew. What a funny laugh riot that was. Last but not least, he failed to mention Palin’s sister-in-law’s burglary arrest. Every happy family should have a felon after all. In Continetti’s world the Palins are the next coming of the Brady Bunch.

And what does the writer do next? He compares Tina Fey to Palin by begrudgingly admitting that Fey is a successful, happily married mother but then making the ridiculous argument that the characters she portrays on screen reflect her personal life more accurately. I wonder if he was making that same argument when Ronald Reagan was palling around with Bonzo? Really folks, if these are the best arguments that Continetti can come up with to convince us that Sarah Palin is a super hero, then the Weekly Standard should review his qualifications for employment.

Today’s song parody is derived from the theme of the 1980′s television sitcom, The Greatest American Hero. In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Greatest American Hero song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9Q3orQhEcA

GREATEST AMERICAN ZERO

(sung to the TV Theme of Greatest American Hero)

Look at what’s happened to she,
She can’t believe it herself.
Once she was way up on top of the world,
It should have been somebody else.

Believe it or not,
Her head’s filled with air.
We don’t even care if she’s “mav-er-icky”,
Chatting away with her beehive styled hair
Who could it be?
We all know it’s just Sarah P.

She is in search of a pay-day,
Then she will dump the “First Dude”.
Meg doesn’t know if she’s out or she’s in,
SarahPAC has just found someone new.

Believe it or not,
She kills polar bears.
And she’s the queen of the G.O.P.,
But nobody in the rest of the world cares.
Who could it be?
We all know it’s just Sarah P.

Sarah Palin’s Year Of Unfortunate Events

Palin describes her last 12 months to students at the Wasilla School For The Deaf.

Palin describes her last 12 months to students at the Wasilla School For The Deaf.

For those of us not lucky enough to be from the Great State of Alaska, it is hard to imagine that prior to last year, we had no idea who Sarah Palin was. It now seems that not a day can go by without the subject of Caribou Barbie popping up on television, radio or in print media. She is both cheered and jeered, but not in equal amounts. She has a small but loyal following of uneducated, religiously intolerant, white, racist homophobes that dote over every one of her incoherent Twitter tweets. Those out-of-touch fanatics however, are vastly outnumbered by the scores of civilized Americans that view her as an imbecilic light-weight worthy only of the status of  the target of comedic barbs. Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s trajectory over the last year has been like that of a shooting star: attention grabbing but short lived prior to burning out.

Indeed, the last twelve months have not been kind to the quitting ex-governor of Alaska. Shall we take an itemized look at some of the unfortunate events that have engulfed Sarah Palin over that period?

- She was revealed by Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain to be his running-mate. The American population responded with a resounding, “Who?”;

- It was revealed that the pedigree of her educational background consisted of attending 5 different mediocre colleges in 6 years before managing to attain only a bachelors dgree;

- It was discovered that the “family values”, “abstinence only”, evangelical christian politician had been impregnated prior to her marriage to the “First Dude.”

- It had been discovered that the “family values”, “abstinence only”, evangelical christian mother had an unwed pregnant teenaged daughter;

- She had those disastrous unscripted televised interviews with Charles Gibson and Katie Couric in which she could not name a single newspaper, magazine or periodical that she reads and failed to be able to name any Supreme Court decision other than Roe v. Wade;

- She could not accurately describe to a fifth grader the role of the Vice President of the United States;

- She was mercilessly lampooned by television comics, the most notable being Tina Fey;

- It was revealed that the “Country First” Sarah Palin’s spouse had been a card carrying member of the Alaskan Independence Party (AIP) who’s main agenda is to have the state secede from the United States;

- It was revealed that Sarah Palin, in her capacity as Governor of Alaska, had possibly attended AIP conventions and definitely provided official videotaped supportive messages to at least one of their conventions;

- Her sister-in=law and the mother-in-law to be of her pregnant daughter were both arrested;

- It was revealed that she actually said, “Thanks” before saying, “Thanks, but no thanks” regarding that “bridge to nowhere”;

- Subsequent to learning that Palin unsuccessfully tried to pressure Alaska Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan to fire her own brother-in-law (Mike Wooten), the Branchflower investigative report stated, “that Palin abused her power as governor and violated the state’s Executive Branch Ethics Act when her office pressured Monegan to fire Wooten.” The report also stated that “Governor Palin knowingly permitted a situation to continue where impermissible pressure was placed on several subordinates to advance a personal agenda, to wit: to get Trooper Michael Wooten fired.” The report also said that Palin “permitted Todd Palin to use the Governor’s office [...] to continue to contact subordinate state employees in an effort to find some way to get Trooper Wooten fired.” from the state police;

- She uttered political hate speech by repeatedly claiming at political rallies that Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama had been “palling around with terrorists”;

- John McCain and she were soundly defeated in the 2008 Presidential election;

- It was revealed that she accepted over $ 150,000.00 dollars worth of clothing for herself and her family from the Republican National Committee at a time when most working class Americans were suffering through an economic recession;

- She was found to have breached ethics and tax rules for failing to report as income, certain unreimbursed travel expenses and per diem housing allowances while acting as Governor of Alaska;

- With more than two years remaining in her term, she quit the office of Governor of Alaska;

- Despite her degree in journalism, she elected to have her memoir written by a ghost-writer;

- While opposing health care reform legislation, she fictitiously claimed that the reform would contain “death panels” to shorten the lives of senior citizens; and

- Her husband, Todd quit his job with oil giant British Petroleum.

And that my friends (as John McCain would say) is only a partial list of the series of unfortunate events that have surrounded Sarah Palin in the last year. Will there be more in the upcoming year? “Ya Betcha !!!”

Before proceeding to today’s song parody, please take a little time to enjoy the following video clip of actor William Shatner reading, verbatim, Sarah Palin’s resignation speech from last July.

If you enjoyed William Shatner in the video clip, you will also enjoy him performing his rendition of the song, It Was A Very Good Year which is today’s song parody. Please enjoy.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link to familiarize yourselves with Shatner’s rendition of this tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It Was A Very Good Year song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0GAjK64VZg

IT WAS A VERY BAD YEAR

(sung to the William Shatner version of the song “It Was A Very Good Year”)

When she was seventeen
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for this small town girl
That was not too bright
With pageant queen height
A sight to be seen
When she was seventeen

When she was twenty-four
It was a not so good year
It was a not so good year for this pretty girl
She was now a pair
In maternity wear
No wedding décor
When she was twenty-four

When she was forty-five
It was a hell of a year
It was a hell of a year for this rejected girl
Who made so many scenes
And had a pregnant teen
Her future hope died
When she was forty-five

But now her days are short
Cuz it has been a very bad year
And now Sarah Palin’s life is one big whine
She’s hit the dregs
Been knocked down a few pegs
She’s the target of jeer
She’s had a very bad year.

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