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Sarah Palin: A Twittering Chronic Facebook Malcontent

The E*Trade Baby is perplexed by Palin.

In light of this week’s flurry of childlike Twitter tweets against both Alan Grayson and new White House Chief of Staff, Pete Rouse, it is painfully obvious that Sarah Palin will disagree with any Democratic Party member’s words or actions simply to provide an opposition. If a Democrat claimed that the earth is round, she would say it is not. If a Democrat said he had dinner in the evening, she would say that it was consumed in the morning. Her tactic is quite reminiscent of the “bridge to nowhere” situation when she said “thanks” before saying “thanks, but no thanks”.

It is not surprising however, that the former half-term ex-quitting Governor of Alaska only utilizes the sophomoric forms of communication known as Twitter and Facebook and the comfy confines of Fox News to distribute her anti-Democrat invectives. After all, the entire nation witnessed her inability to handle interviews with unscripted questions during the 2008 campaign when she was publicly humiliated by her inability to field questions from Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. perhaps Alan Grayson said it best however, in his retort to the Queen of Quit,

“What is it about Sarah Palin and Twitter? Is Palin fond of tweeting because she can draft a tweet on her palm? Is it that 140 characters represents the maximum length of Sarah Palin’s attention span?”

Way to go, Alan. Let her have it with both barrels.

Finally, you must ask yourself, “why is Sarah Palin such a big fan of Facebook”? After all, the medium was the invention of one of those elitist Ivy League students hailing from the elitist of elite East Coast Ivy League institutions known as Harvard? Then again, the uninformed Palin is probably not aware of that.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Things We Said Today song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwokRK8P6D4&feature=related

THINGS SHE SAID TODAY

(sung to the Beatles song “Things We Said Today”)

Thinking of Sarah P.
Up there in the snow
Thinking she’s “mavericky”
Little does she know

Somedays when I’m lonely
Pining for old Tina Fey
Then I will remember
Things she said today

She’s not a refined girl
Disgraced in prime time
And she’s not a kind girl
She wallows in the slime

Her words have no meaning
But she sure has a lot to say
It’s fun to remember
Things she said today

She has such a simple mind
With nothing to say that isn’t fluff
Nonetheless she is inclined
To just have her way by talking tough

Yet she’s a blind girl
She’s a phony one
Despised and maligned girl
She will soon be gone

Ego that needs weaning
Lacking in the skill of word play
She cannot remember
Things she said today

She had lots of books to sign
What were her supporters thinking of?
Did they feel left behind
When she went away and had enough

Of being kind, girl
She said she was done
Let them wait in line girl
Take your cash and run

Someday when she’s scheming
Hand in glove of her next pay-day
Will Palin remember
Things she said today?

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Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 12

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BREAKING NEWS:  Bat-crazy Michele Bachmann, the Republican congresswoman from Minnesota apparently thinks that any health reform legislation passed this session will provide that 13 year old children can attend sex clinics (whatever that means). Here is her quote:

The bill goes on to say what’s going to go on — comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care — is that abortion? Does that mean that someone’s 13 year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night? Mom and dad are never the wiser.

Gee, and we thought only male Republican politicians frequented sex clinics. We stand corrected.

THIS JUST IN:  You know all that crying and weeping from Fox News’ Glenn Beck as he talks about how much he loves his country. We always felt that it was phony showmanship and now it has been proved to be such. Prior to show-time, Beck simply smears a little Vicks Vapor Rub under his eyes. Watch this video clip:

BREAKING NEWS:  It is already October. Shouldn’t Fox News pundit Bill O’Reilly start dusting off his heavy artillery for the annual War Against Christmas?

THIS JUST IN:  Would somebody please throw a shoe the next time Republican John Boehner (pronounced, “boner”) stands at a podium and talks about health care reform?

BREAKING NEWS:  Florida’s freshman Democratic congressman Alan Grayson injected himself into the public discussion last week when he brazenly pointed out the uncontrovertible fact that Republicans do not want any type of health care reform and therefore condone the deaths of the uninsured. He then followed up by calling Republicans, “foot-dragging, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals who think they can dictate policy to America by being stubborn.” I think that I am beginning to really like this guy? Anyone else?

THIS JUST IN:  Last week cry-baby Glenn Beck claimed that Vancouver lost one billion dollars when, “it had the Olympics.” Umm, Glenn, Vancouver will not host the Olympics until 2010. That’s OK though, don’t let the facts get in the way.

BREAKING NEWS:  A federal judge ruled last Thursday that the FBI must publicly reveal much of its interview with former Vice President Dick Cheney during the investigation into who leaked the identity of  CIA operative Valerie Plame. Is that a little trickle of sweat that I see running down Dick’s forehead?

THIS JUST IN:  Palin quits job! No, not Sarah Palin. This time it is her husband, Todd “The First Dude” Palin who this week quit his job with British Petroleum’s North Slope operation in Alaska. Looks like the happy loving couple have something in common after all.

BREAKING NEWS:  Last week, Steve Schmidt, the former campaign manager of John McCain’s failed run for president, had this to say about running mate Sarah Palin and her political future, “my honest view is that she would not be a winning candidate for the Republican Party in 2012, and in fact, were she the nominee, we could have a catastrophic election result.” No truer words were ever spoken.

THIS JUST IN: The nation’s biggest corporation, Walmart has employees that comprise the largest block of state subsidized assistance (welfare and Medicaid) in all of Ohio. Walmart continues to reap massive profits by keeping its employees on the brink of poverty and allowing taxpayers to subsidize those employees pay and healthcare. Do not allow this continue. Boycott the Republican contributing, Chinese product purchasing retailer. Boycott Walmart.

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News hosts and conservative radio hosts such as Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck and Savage are celebrating the fact that America lost its bid for the 2016 Olympics. The next time you hear any of these outlets claiming to be “patriots” or “patriotic” or say that they love their country, do not let them get away with it. Shove the Olympic loss glee right down their throats and charge them with “rooting against America.”

THIS JUST IN: Controversial radio host Don Imus appeared on Fox News last week and said of Sarah Palin, “Sarah Palin? She’s a dope. Write a book? She can’t read a book.” I’m beginning to warm up to Don Imus.

Sounds like a good lead in to a Sarah Palin song parody doesn’t it?

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have a lot more fun singing along with the parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July