Blog Archives

Rick Perry Finally Gives A Correct Response

The FrankenPerry Monster

Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry appeared on Fox News a/k/a  the GOP Propaganda Network on Tuesday evening and expressed regret over taking part in the Republican debates. When asked if he feels he had made any mistakes in his campaign thus far, Perry responded it was, “probably ever doing one of the debates. All they’re interested in is stirring it up between the candidates instead of really talking about the issues that are important to the American people.”

Finally, an honest answer from Rick Perry. Anyone who has “taken one for the team” and watched the Republican debates knows that Rick Perry is a disaster on stage. He is simply incapable of providing a coherent and on-point answer to any question. He also has a tendency to lose his temper and speak in tongues. Back in September, Fox News’ very own Brit Hume summed it up best when he described one of Perry’s debate performances as follows:

“Perry really did throw-up all over himself at the debate and at a time when he really did need to raise his game, … he did worse…Perry is about one half a step away from total collapse as a candidate…What keeps happening here is these people have a moment, they get into the race as Perry did and zoom to the top and everybody is in love, and then we get a dose of them… and they don’t seem so great.”

Well said Mr. Hume. Very well said.

Rick Perry however, has other things to worry about as his campaign progresses and Americans learn more about him. For instance, his Texas miracle has been called into question. We learned that although Texas has been creating jobs, it leads the nation in jobs that pay only at or below the minimum wage and with no benefits. Perry also boasted that the federal govt. is too bloated and it should look to Texas as a model of how to create employment. Unfortunately for Perry, it was then revealed that Texas’ largest employer is actually the federal govt. (Fort Hood). Also despite Texas’ job growth, the state’s unemployment rate of 8.5 percent is higher than both the rate in Democratic New York and Massachusetts. Indeed Massachusetts’ lower unemployment rate of 7.3 percent was achieved despite the fact that the Bay State has near universal health insurance coverage as the result of its 2006 health reform law which includes personal mandates. On the contrary, Texas has the highest percentage of uninsured residents in the nation.

Speaking of health care, Rick Perry’s adamant opposition to health care reform has also called into question. You see, like flip-flopping Mitt Romney, Perry was also for health care reform before he was against it. The Daily Caller reports that in 1993, while serving as Texas Agriculture Commissioner, Perry praised the efforts of then-first lady Hillary Clinton to reform health care, a precursor to Obama’s health care reform efforts. In a letter to Ms. Clinton he wrote, “I think your efforts in trying to reform the nation’s health care system are most commendable” and “Again, your efforts are worthy, and I hope you will remember this constituency as the task force progresses.” Clinton’s health care proposal was of course, a single payer universal health plan. Ouch! That is going to leave a mark which the Tea Baggers will not miss.

An additional problem for Rick Perry’s Texas is that the tax cutting has led to a situation where Texas ranks 44th in expenditures per public school pupil. That has translated directly into Texas’ rank as the 43rd worse state in terms of percentage of high school graduates. This lack of academic achievement has simply provided a steady supply of applicants for all of Texas’ jobs which pay at the minimum wage or below. That probably does not bother Rick Perry all that much however, inasmuch as he was not much of a student himself. He was placed on academic probation while attending Texas A&M.

Perhaps Rick Perry is the actual Ponzi Scheme that he so often references. It appears that Rick Perry’s day in the sun is coming to an end. Republicans are beginning to chant, “Read My Lips, No New Texans!”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Beverly Hillbillies Theme song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFI-hhndCek

THE RICK PERRY HILLBILLY

(sung to the theme of “The Beverly Hillbillies”)

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a Gov. named Rick
Just like George Bush, a dumb and backwards hick
The Texans know they earn money for their food
Not cuz Rick’s around, it’s that bubbling crude
(Oil that is. Black Gold. Texas Tea)

As for sick folks Rick just hasn’t got a care
No insurance, all they have is prayer
Washington DC is the place he wants to be
So he threw his name in  for the Presidency
(Crazy that is, Bachmann, Newt Gingrich)

(academic probation break)

Well now its time to say good-bye to Rick and all his kin,
He is in New Hampshire raisin’ dough and campaignin’
He doesn’t know squat ‘bout economic policy
But that does not matter to those fools that drink his tea.
(Perry’s a hillbilly, that’s what we’ll call him now, cow polk)
Y’all come back now, y’hear?

GOP Flavor Of The Week Is Pizza and Rick Perry “Really Did Throw-Up All Over Himself”

Breaking News: Herman Cain won the GOP straw poll in Florida last Friday. The former owner of Godfathers’ Pizza is now the “flavor of the week” for Republicans. The highly touted Florida Straw Poll is important to members of the Grand Old Party because its winner has an unusually high percentage of eventually capturing the party’s nomination for President. Cain is the “flavor of the week” because although he won this particular contest, moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann won the earlier Iowa Straw Poll and Mitt(wit) Romney won the Michigan Straw Poll and Ron “Civil Rights Act is Unconstitutional” Paul won the California Straw Poll. Strangely enough, the consensus Republican front-runner, Rick Perry has consistently failed to win any contests (or debates for that matter). Floridians appeared to be impressed by Cain’s “9 – 9 – 9″ taxation plan which many of them confused with Godfathers’ Pizza’s “9 – 9 – 9 Pizza Deal” which consisted of a 9 inch pizza with 9 toppings all for $9 dollars.

Lynnrockets also took one for the team and watched “Fox News Sunday“. It was very enlightening to learn that not only do all all the conservative Fox News pundits dislike the field of Republican Presidential candidates, but that they also believe that the majority of Republican voters are displeased with the lot. Panelist A.B Stoddard said the Cain win represented not only a disappointment over Perry, but a “dissatisfaction” with the current field amongst the GOP base. She said the poll was “a real slap toward Perry and Mitt Romney…they don’t like their choices at all”.  Bill Kristol piped-in by saying “70% of Floridians voted against the two front-runners (i.e Perry and Romney)” and “it was a vote of no confidence ” against both of them. He concluded by saying “these are very weak front-runners”. Juan Williams (the only quasi-liberal panelist) said, “there still is this hankering for someone else to come in”. Williams went on to say,

“The impression they are giving to the nation as a whole is that this is a very limited conversation among the Tea Party element or the far right of the Republican Party. Not only is it that they won’t except $3 dollars in cuts for $1 dollar in a tax hike, but it’s things like the immigration argument that really held center this week…If I’m Hispanic and I’m watching that show (the debate), I think, ‘Gee, these people don’t like me. They don’t like immigrants of any stripe’”.

It was Brit Hume however, who was the most caustic toward Perry in particular and the Republican field in general. He opened by saying,

Perry really did throw-up all over himself at the debate and at a time when he really did need to raise his game, … he did worse…Perry is about one half a step away from total collapse as a candidate…What keeps happening here is these people have a moment, they get into the race as Perry did and zoom to the top and everybody is in love, and then we get a dose of them… and they don’t seem so great.”

Let’s go to the tape. The Brit Hume statements begin at the 2:00 minute mark:

Batting next for the Republican Party: Chris Christie?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Rick Perry’s a Texan whore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

Boom, bam, boom
Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….

Sarah Palin Is Radioactive

She's radioactive!

Another snow-storm in Boston this morning. This of course, means more shoveling. We will get to that after this, however…

Finally someone over at Fox News has gotten it right. This is a near miracle in that anyone who ever “takes one for the team” and watches any Fox News program ends up feeling that they are in some sort of alternative universe where fiction is fact and myth is reality. There is seldom a sentence of truth uttered on Fox.

That is precisely why it was so astounding to hear Brit Hume speak the truth during last week’s edition of “Fox News Sunday.” During a discussion about Sarah Palin’s ill-conceived and poorly delivered video message following the Tucson massacre, Hume attempted to broadly define “The Sarah Palin Problem.” He believes on balance the video didn’t help her and he would expect Palin to be more thoughtful with her public statements. Hume said,

“The Sarah Palin problem really is a problem that she has largely, I think through no fault of her own, become kind of radioactive. And it does mean that when she is in a situation like this where she’s the focus of national attention, she must be extremely careful about how she reacts to it.”

Radioactive. Think about that for a moment. Is there any one word that more accurately describes Sarah Palin? She is indeed, radioactive. She is powerful yet repulsive. She is omnipresent yet poisonous. She is harmless in small doses yet lethal in large doses. Radioactive is the perfect description of Sarah Palin.

But how will Brit Hume be punished by the Fox Network for the unforgivable crime of dissing Sarah Palin? The precedent may have been set earlier this week when Comedian Joan Rivers was banished from an appearance on “Fox and Friends” after having said Palin “is just stupid and a threat.” Fox claims that her appearance was canceled due to the “volume of news topics” that day. The news topics they covered however, included National Penguin Awareness Day, and an assessment of the Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler’s performance as a judge on “American Idol”. Fox said that she should have been rescheduled but was mistakenly canceled. And if you believe that, I’ve got some mudflats in Alaska that I would like to sell you.

Brit Hume’s punishment is likely to be much more harsh because Palin has been described as “stupid and a threat” many times, but being called “radioactive” is going to leave a mark that cannot be covered up with make-up and powder. Ouch! We are waiting with baited breath for the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska’s knee-jerk retort via Twitter, Facebook or her newest toy, the video-tape presentation. Come-on Sarah don’t sugar-coat it, just tell us how you really feel about these most recent slights.

“Radioactive”, I love it.

With that in mind, we now turn to the 1980′s English supergroup, The Firm. The band was comprised of former Free and Bad Company singer Paul Rodgers, ex-Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page, ex-Uriah Heep and Manfred Mann’s Earth Band drummer Chris Slade and bass player Tony Franklin. Their biggest hit was the song “Radioactive” which reached #28 on the U.S. charts in 1985.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Radioactive song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=di3CLFj6_Ag

RADIOACTIVE

(sung to The Firm song “Radioactive”)

Palin is uptight
And so reactive
Brit Hume got it right
Palin’s radioactive
Radioactive

She’s not too bright
Yes, her mind’s inactive
She’s wound way too tight
Palin’s radioactive
Radioactive

She does not have a clue
They love her on Fox News, baby
She lies each day or two
And Brit wants her to know…

She inspires hate
She’s hyperactive
Palin is a blight
Yes, she’s radioactive
Radioactive

(Blood libel break)

Radioactive
Radioactive

She has guns to cling to
She’s “reloading” also, too
She loves being on Fox News
But, Brit wants her to know…

That the fourth estate
Finds her attractive
Cuz she’s never right
Palin’s radioactive, oh yeah
Oh she’s radioactive
Don’t you stand, stand too close
You might catch it

Don’t stand too close, baby
Radioactive, oh yeah
Radio, radio, radio
Radioactive

 

SPECIAL NOTICE:

Making a Difference in Anchorage

Alaskans are the people who seem to know Sarah Palin best, and object to her most.  Democrats, Independents, and Republicans are each susceptible to PDS (Palin Derangement Syndrome).  Hope is coming to Alaska.  Malia Litman, blogger at malialitman.wordpress.com and author of The Ignorance Virtues of Sarah Palin: A Humorous Refudiation of the Half-Term Ex-Governor  will be at Borders at 1100 E. Dimond Blvd, Anchorage on Sat. Jan. 22nd at 2:00.  Malia will give a presentation and sign books, guaranteed to provide much needed relief for PDS.  If you are one of the unfortunate Americans afflicted with this disability condition, come to Borders on Saturday.  Together we can find comfort and therapeutic relief for our ailment.  Please join Malia.

Dear Mr. Hannity

Sean Hannity finally accepts the Olbermann waterboard challenge

Sean Hannity finally accepts the Olbermann waterboard challenge

The Hannity Insanity Express continues to roll along the tracks of dementia. Yesterday, his train coupled with the Glenn Beck Boxcar. Hannity and Beck are now both bemoaning the fact that the Obama Administration has appointed so-called “czars” to oversee certain policy initiatives such as green jobs and the auto industry bailout. Their problem with the concept of these “czars” is that they are executive branch appointments and not subject to congressional confirmation. Well, we have one question for you Mr.Hannity and Mr. Beck, where was your outrage when Richard Nixon  created the position of “czar” (energy) and then Ronald Reagan (drug, budget etc) George H. W. Bush (Latin America, drugs, Aids etc) and George W. Bush (cyber security, bird flu, intelligence, Katrina, war, corruption, privacy and health etc) expanded upon the concept? Yeah, your grasp of history is tenuous at best.

Let’s consider the source however, in machine-gun format:

1. Hannity attended two colleges (New York University and Adelphia University) but never graduated or earned a degree;

2. Hannity claimed on-air that waterboarding is not torture and that he was willing to undergo the process. However, when challenged to do just that by Keith Olbermann for $ 1,000.00 for each second (to be donated to charity) that Hannity could endure the process, Hannity declined;

3. Hannity continues to falsely insist that there was a connection between Saddam Hussein and the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks; and

4. Hannity claims that the governmental takeover of GM was a socialist goal of the Obama Administration.

‘Nuff said.

Here comes the obligatory song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below because it makes singing along so much more fun.

Dear Mr. Fantasy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gkxfnnoMc0&feature=related

DEAR, MR. HANNITY

(sung to the Traffic song “Dear, Mr. Fantasy”)

Dear, Mr. Hannity you are a goon
Some even say you are daffy
Your nightly show is just like a cartoon
Hit that bong, chug that jar
Getting happy
You are the one that just makes us all laugh
Unlike Glenn Beck, you don’t go to tears
You should be sad that you do not have your gonads
You could face waterboarding fears

Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh Ahhhhh

Dear Mr. Hannity you’re no Brit Hume
Although, he too is unhappy
Insanity prevails throughout Fox News
Always wrong, that you are
Oh so crappy
Yeah, yeah

(musical interlude)

Dear Mr. Hannity  go back to your room
That would just make us all happy
Do anything, take us out of our gloom
Sing a song, play guitar
Make it snappy
We all just watch you to have a good laugh
We haven’t laughed so hard in ten years
You are one sad excuse for a real college grad
Just like all of your poor Fox News peers

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 111 other followers