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Sarah Palin – Reprise II

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from January 30, 2010. Pleas enjoy again!

Sarah Palin: A Tea Party Change Of Hearty?

Tea Party Convention Officials anxiously await Palin’s decision.

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! Newser.com reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. The Bowling Convention) in June. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention (i.e. The Boozers’ Ball) also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

As a precursor to both of those events however, Palin is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN on February 6th. Like all things Palin and/or Tea Party related however, the event is devolving into a complete disaster. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. The last two Tea Party events were smaller than a five year old’s birthday party and those in attendance shared the  same level of education as the aforementioned cake and ice cream eaters. First there was the Washington DC “Die In” in which Tea Baggers were prepared to play dead inside congressional buildings as a protest against health care reform. Unfortunately very few Tea Baggers were “dying” to get involved. Next, there was the Tea Baggers’ National Strike planned for January 20th when the Baggers intended to show the world how they could strike or boycott media outlets and businesses that they do not watch or patronize anyway. By a showing of hands, how many of you even know if the strike took place?

So, what about the big National Tea Party Convention? Well, the first problem is the price of admission. Tickets are priced at a hefty $ 349.00 and $ 549.00. That is a lot of dough for all those marginally employed Tea Baggers. To add insult to injury, Palin was to be paid over $ 100,000.00 for her appearance. Did the organizers forget that Tea Baggers allegedly oppose excessive spending as well as elitists that profit off them? Ticket sales dwindled and then came the speaker cancellations. Congresswomen Marsha Blackburn and moonbat -crazy Michele Bachmann each backed out of the event on Thursday. Ticket sales plummeted even further. Consequently, Sarah Palin is now in a dilemma.

If Palin honors her commitment to speak at the event, she will once again be associated with a less than prestigious forum and most likely a small audience. If, like Blackburn and Bachmann, she cancels her appearance, she will add to her own legend as the nation’s Quitter in Chief. What’s the poor girl to do? Will she stay or will she go?

I bet you folks know where this one is going, don’t you? Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsNJDWA0sAw&feature=related

WILL SHE STAY OR WILL  SHE GO ?

(Sung to the Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Do you agree to pay them back?
The “Tea Baggers” want to know
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she will be humbled
But if she stays there will be trouble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Since demanding such a large fee
She is no longer their “cup of tea”
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she stays, she’ll stir up trouble,
But if she goes she will be humbled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all those “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Sarah Palin: A Tea Party Change Of Hearty?

Tea Party Convention Officials anxiously await Palin's decision.

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! Newser.com reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. The Bowling Convention) in June. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention (i.e. The Boozers’ Ball) also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

As a precursor to both of those events however, Palin is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN on February 6th. Like all things Palin and/or Tea Party related however, the event is devolving into a complete disaster. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. The last two Tea Party events were smaller than a five year old’s birthday party and those in attendance shared the  same level of education as the aforementioned cake and ice cream eaters. First there was the Washington DC “Die In” in which Tea Baggers were prepared to play dead inside congressional buildings as a protest against health care reform. Unfortunately very few Tea Baggers were “dying” to get involved. Next, there was the Tea Baggers’ National Strike planned for January 20th when the Baggers intended to show the world how they could strike or boycott media outlets and businesses that they do not watch or patronize anyway. By a showing of hands, how many of you even know if the strike took place?

So, what about the big National Tea Party Convention? Well, the first problem is the price of admission. Tickets are priced at a hefty $ 349.00 and $ 549.00. That is a lot of dough for all those marginally employed Tea Baggers. To add insult to injury, Palin was to be paid over $ 100,000.00 for her appearance. Did the organizers forget that Tea Baggers allegedly oppose excessive spending as well as elitists that profit off them? Ticket sales dwindled and then came the speaker cancellations. Congresswomen Marsha Blackburn and moonbat -crazy Michele Bachmann each backed out of the event on Thursday. Ticket sales plummeted even further. Consequently, Sarah Palin is now in a dilemma.

If Palin honors her commitment to speak at the event, she will once again be associated with a less than prestigious forum and most likely a small audience. If, like Blackburn and Bachmann, she cancels her appearance, she will add to her own legend as the nation’s Quitter in Chief. What’s the poor girl to do? Will she stay or will she go?

I bet you folks know where this one is going, don’t you? Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsNJDWA0sAw&feature=related

WILL SHE STAY OR WILL  SHE GO ?

(Sung to the Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Do you agree to pay them back?
The “Tea Baggers” want to know
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she will be humbled
But if she stays there will be trouble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Since demanding such a large fee
She is no longer their “cup of tea”
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she stays, she’ll stir up trouble,
But if she goes she will be humbled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all those “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Sarah Palin, “Start Your Engine !!!”

Sarah Palin will drive the "Arctic Cat" car in the Daytona 500

The announcement last week that Sarah Palin will appear in some unspecified capacity at the Daytona 500 in February should come as no surprise to those that follow the less than mediocre career of the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska. After all, the NASCAR crowd dovetails quite nicely with the audiences she will entertain  at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. the Bowlers’ Convention) and at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America Convention (i.e. the Boozers’ Ball). In fact, inasmuch as all three of these events take place on different dates, it would not be surprising if the attendees of all three functions are exactly the same people. There is an undeniable symbiosis between drunks, bowlers and racing fans. Sarah Palin should mesh seamlessly.

In other news, CNN reports today that two key G.O.P. speakers have canceled their attendance and speeches at the Tea Party Convention on February 4-6, 2010 in Nashville, TN. Conservative congresswoman Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee and moon-bat crazy congresswoman Michele Bachmann of Minnesota have each backed out of the event at the last minute. Each of their offices has stated that the cancellations come as the result of the fact that the House Committee on Standards has advised them that the sponsor, Tea Party Nation’s for profit tax status could potentially place the elected officials in ethical jeopardy depending upon how the sponsor elects to spend the profits.

The most noteworthy aspect of the last minute cancellations however, is that the two Republicans upstaged keynote speaker Sarah Palin by stealing the thunder of quitting before she does. This puts Palin in a bind. She has attained the status of United States Quitter in Chief by means of her last minute backing out of numerous planned speaking engagements dating back to when she quit her job as Alaska’s governor last July. In order to retain that status, Palin might need to retroactively quit the Tea Party Convention to a date before yesterday. By quitting on the Tea Baggers however, she might irritate the exact same audience that she must appear before at the aforementioned Bowlers’ Convention, Boozer’s Ball and Daytona 500. Decisions. Decisions.

Factoid: The Tea Party Convention will be held at the seemingly inappropriately named Gaylord Opreyland Hotel.

In honor of Palin’s new-found road-racing affection please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s NASCAR inspired song parody.

Roadrunner cartoon theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fATQ06XniYA

ROAD RUNNER

(sung to the “Roadrunner” television cartoon theme)

If you’re on the highway and Ms. Palin goes “beep, beep”
Let her pass by cuz she once ran for VP
Ms. Palin, Ms. Palin runs from the truth all day
Even the fact checkers can’t make her change her ways

Ms. Palin, the media’s after you
Ms. Palin, even Glenn Beck says you’re through
Ms. Palin, we see every thing you do
Ms. Palin, no 2-0-1-2  for you

Sarah Palin is really a crazy clown
When will she learn she’ll always be voted down?
Poor Sarah Palin won’t say if she will run
Cuz starring on Fox News has turned out to be such fun

Ms. Palin, the media’s after you
Ms. Palin, even Glenn Beck says you’re through

Poor Sarah Palin seems to bother everyone
She’s runnin’ down the road like a nut with a loaded gun!!!