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Conservatve “National Review” Tells Gingrich To Quit And Romney To Tell The Truth

The very conservative and influential (at least to Tea Baggers) National Review magazine appears to be supporting Rick Santorum in his quest for the Republican Presidential nomination. This support however, does not appear to have been earned by Santorum’s actions or policies, but rather as the result of dissatisfaction with both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney.

Indeed, on Monday the magazine straight out called for Gingrich to quit the race. The magazine states, “it would be a grave mistake for the party to make someone with such poor judgment and persistent unpopularity its presidential nominee.” The editorial indicates that by the same criticisms that Gingrich levied against Santorum earlier in the campaign, “on his own arguments the proper course for him now is to endorse Santorum and exit.” Ouch! That is sure to leave a vivid and lingering mark.

As for Mitt Romney, the magazine describes the architect of RomneyCare as follows:

“the undramatic figure at the center of the primaries’ drama. Lack of enthusiasm for him has set it all in motion. Romney is trying to win the nomination by pulverizing his rivals. His hope is that enthusiasm will follow when he takes on Obama in the summer and fall. But his attacks on Santorum have been lame, perhaps because they are patently insincere. (Does anyone believe that Romney truly thinks poorly of Santorum’s votes to raise the debt ceiling?)”

The National Review prescribes the following for him:

“Romney is a transactional politician rather than a charismatic one. Maybe he should make the most of it: Tell conservatives what they will get out of a Romney presidency. Entitlements brought under budgetary control. A more market-oriented health-care system. Judges who know their place in the constitutional architecture. Fannie and Freddie extinguished. The defense budget protected. Tax reform, and tax relief for families.”

The magazine seems to be unaware of the obvious however, when it comes to Mitt Romney. The fact is that nobody can trust Romney to do what he says. After all he has flip-flopped regarding his position on abortion; health care reform; gun rights; contraception; climate change; Don’t Ask Don’t Tell; Ronald Reagan and no tax pledges. Romney even flip-flopped on what he said was his favorite book in just a span of a few days (first it was L. Ron Hubbard’s “Battlefield Earth” and then it was “Huckleberry Finn”).

Perhaps conservatives should simply face the facts and believe what Romney said in a moment of veracity while running for Governor of Massachusetts in 2002:

“I think people recognize that I’m not a partisan Republican, that I’m someone who is moderate, and my views are progressive.”

No matter who is named the eventual Republican nominee, there is one person who will be smiling. President Barack Obama.

Since it appears that more and more Republicans are urging Newt Gingrich to go away, our song parody today will focus on the man who is soon to be forgotten history. Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

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Sarah Palin: “Shrill Baby Shrill”

The scenic view from Palin's America

The scenic view from Palin's America

Sarah Palin’s ghostwriter seems to have emerged once again in the October 16, 2009 issue of  the National Review. In an op-ed allegedly written by Alaska’s former ex-quitting governor, Palin has reverted to the failed chant she repeatedly uttered during her failed national candidacy in 2008. That is correct, she is back on the “Drill Baby, Drill” mantra. She argues that in order to jump start the economy, America must start drilling for oil to increase employment and reduce our dependency on foreign oil. Of course that is the same rejected message that she was promoting last year. This time however she has added a new logically ridiculous Palinesque twist to her argument. It goes like this,

“Many of the countries we’re forced to import from have few if any environmental-protection laws, and those that do exist often go unenforced,” writes Palin. “In effect, American environmentalists are preventing responsible development here at home while supporting irresponsible development overseas.”

Let’s try to sort out her insane logic. In America, environmentalists have fought for and achieved environmental-protection laws that help preserve if not save the environment from some of the worst transgressions of oil drilling operations. So far, so good. That is a reasonable statement. This is where it starts to get a little kooky though. Palin goes on to state that because other countries do not have the same environmentally safe regulations in place as does America, it is the fault of the American environmentalists that there is irresponsible oil development overseas. So, let’s get this straight, Palin argues that we should be less environmentally safe in America and this would somehow entice overseas producers to be more environmentally conscious? Or is she saying that environmentalists are bad for the environment on a world-wide basis as they achieve environmentally safe procedures in individual countries? She’s nuts.

Drill Baby, Drill. Same old slogan. Same old Palin.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Life In The Fast Lane song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf51M3govXY

PIPE IN THE GASOLINE

(sung to the Eagles song “Life In The Fast Lane”)

Todd was a school dropout man, he was brain dead and then some
And Sarah was not really witty
They both hooked up and thought they looked so handsome
In the heart of Wasilla city
She had a nasty reputation and he was “First Dude”
The Palins were ruthless when it came to crude
They had one thing in common
With old Uncle Jed

She said, “Drill Baby Drill”
Till Mother Nature’s dead

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline

Are you with me so far?

The plan needed action, so said the dame
A bigger attraction than old John McCain
She called on Joe The Plumber
But she needed more pull
So she called on Joe Sixpack
Did the lipsticked pitbull
Those pipe-lines on the landscape, could seal her fate
So long as she had her cronies spreading politics of hate

The Palin fan base is not very bright
They are all old, straight and male and all of them are white, don’t doubt it

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

(musical interlude)

Drilling and boring, blinded by thirst
She couldn’t handle Gibson
Katie Couric was worse
She said, listen people, don’t you know I’m “mavericky”?
I can see Russia from my house, even Tina Fey agrees
Mac said, call Rush Limbaugh, I think we’re gonna crash

The polls are heading downward and we need some instant cash
They were lookin’ for some leeway
The election was lost
She didn’t care there was oil ‘neath that permafrost, so it was

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline