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Cain Is Not Able

As usual, we ask that you click on the song link here before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music which we now refer to as “Herman’s Theme”.

Part-time Republican Presidential candidate and full-time “player” Herman Cain was forced to hold a press conference last night to address the five (and counting) separate allegations of sexual misconduct which have emerged during the last two weeks. Before a throng of inquisitive media members, he said of all the allegations, “They simply didn’t happen. They simply did not happen.”

Cain’s denials came on the very same day that a fifth woman, Donna Donella emerged with the charge that in 2002, Cain tried to get her to arrange a dinner with a “lovely young lady” in the audience at a speech that he was giving. Additionally, just prior to Cain’s press conference, one of his original accusers revealed her identity. Karen Kraushaar was one of the women who received a settlement payment as the result of her sexual harassment charges and she told CNN that Cain is a “serial denier”. She also said that she would like to hold a joint press conference with all of the other alleged Cain victims so that the public could better understand his misbehavior.

At the abbreviated press conference, Cain was aggressive. He not only denied all of the allegations levied against him, but he also called one of his accusers, Sharon Bialek a liar. On Monday, Bialek said that Cain reached under her skirt and pressed her head toward his crotch when she was visiting him in Washington to get job hunting advice after she had been “terminated” from the National Restaurant Association. Last night Cain described Bialek as a “troubled” woman put up to making false allegations by forces trying to derail his presidential bid. He gave no details however,  as to who believes is behind the scheme except that it might be the amorphous “Democratic machine”. That seems unlikely in that Ms. Bialek has been a long-time registered Republican.

Cain took questions but provided few answers at his press conference. He essentially said that he had no recollection of any of the alleged events ever happening. He attempted to get away with saying that Kraushaar’s complaints had been found to be baseless, but when a reporter asked exactly which court, board or other trier of fact had made that determination, Cain backtracked. He was forced to admit that the victim’s lawyer and the Restaurant Association’s lawyer simply negotiated a monetary settlement to end the matter. When asked by another reporter if he would be willing to take a lie detector test to rebut the multiple claims that he engaged in sexual harassment, Cain said, “Yes. I absolutely would.” Once again however, he quickly backtracked and said, “But I’m not going to do that unless I have a good reason to do that.” It certainly appears that he has a good reason to do that if he wants his campaign to continue.

Cain will have another opportunity to fully address these claims further at the Republican Primary Debate tonight in Michigan. It will be interesting to see if the moderator or one of his GOP opponents brings up the topic. Even if the sexual misconduct subject does not emerge however, Herman Cain has plenty of other problems to address. For example, he will be forced to defend his 9-9-9 tax plan which has been recently exposed for having the effect of decreasing the tax burden on the nation’s super wealthy while increasing the tax burden on approximately 80% of working/middle class Americans. Another topic may be Cain’s spectacular ignorance of military foreign policy. That was revealed last week when, during an interview on PBS’ NewsHour, Cain warned that China has indicated it is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” Unbeknownst to Cain, China has had nuclear weapons since 1964. Cain has also stated that he could imagine a situation in which he would negotiate with terrorists if he were President. His Republican opponents are likely to engage in a pig-pile of criticism over those topics alone.

All in all, one thing has become certain over the last few weeks. Cain is not Able!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Rock You Like A Hurricane song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI2COawqMJQ

FONDLED BY OL’ HERMAN CAIN

 (sung to the Scorpions song “Rock You Like A Hurricane”)

You had no warning
No time to shout
Now you are shaking
Time to speak out
Herm Cain was purring
And stroking your skin
Something’s gone wrong
He’s done it again
His lips looked hungry
And his breath smelled
What’s with those pinches?
Tell me, pray tell
Cain is a bum
His speech slurred and slow
You want to leave but…
Herm won’t let you go

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain

Cain says he is yearning
Don’t try to shout
This liar is cunning
There is no doubt
Done this for ages
Plies gals with booze
Tries to get naked
Lets no-one refuse
His fingers crawling
Cain’s a real pro
When Herm is hungry
He runs the show
He’s lickin’ his lips
Now he’s movin’ in
On the hunt tonight
He took off his ring

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain

Fondled by ol’ Herman Cain!

(9-9-9 tax break)

It’s Wednesday morning
The truth comes out
Herm Cain is shaking
He’s done no doubt
His deeds recurring
Over again
Campaign’s long gone
In light of his sins
He’s so appalling
The world now knows
Despite his money
He’s a side-show
He’s a sinking ship
Despite all his spin
His wife leaves tonight
It’s over for him

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am.

Herman Cain’s “Idea Of A Stimulus Package”

"You want a job, right?"

Once again, we ask that you click on the song link here before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music.

Things are going from bad to worse for Herman Cain on a near daily basis. As the saying goes, “when it rains it pours” and Herman Cain is now seeking shelter from the storm of his lifetime. It is only a matter of time now before he is forced to mimic John Edwards and withdraw from the race for the Republican Party nomination for President of the United States. With the rare exceptions of President Clinton and David Vitter, things rarely go well for politicians who are faced with allegations of multiple instances of sexual misconduct. See Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Bob Packwood (a very suitable name mind you), Joe Scarborough and Arnold Schwarzenegger to name just a few exposed philanderers.

Yesterday, it was revealed that a fourth woman may have been sexually harassed by Herman Cain during his tenure with the National Restaurant Association. Sharon Bialek claims that Cain sexually assaulted her in 1997 and at a press conference with her attorney, Gloria Allred she said that she hopes he will come clean about other allegations of sexual misconduct. CNN reports that Bialek said Cain reached under her skirt and pressed her head toward his crotch when she was visiting Cain in Washington to get job hunting advice after she had been “terminated” from the National Restaurant Association. She said that when she protested, Cain asked, “You want a job, right?” Bialek’s attorney said that when her client sought employment advice, Cain instead provided her with “his idea of a stimulus package.”

Ouch! These are the most detailed descriptions of Cain’s alleged sexual proclivities to date and they are sure to leave a permanent scar. The question now is, who will Cain blame for enticing the woman to take her story public? When it was revealed last week that two former female employees of the National Restaurant Association had received settlement packages from the association as the result of their charges of sexual misconduct, Cain immediately blamed the Rick Perry camp, then the Mitt Romney camp, then a former staffer and finally the liberal media. Who will it be this time?

To add insult to injury, the sexual misconduct charges were not the only problems facing Cain in the last few weeks. His ignorance of foreign relations was exposed last week when, during an interview on PBS’ NewsHour, Cain warned that China has indicated it is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” Unbeknownst to Cain, China has had nuclear weapons since 1964. He has also stated that he could imagine a situation in which he would negotiate with terrorists if he were President.

All of this of course, follows upon Cain’s 9-9-9 tax plan debacle. It did not take long for economists to reveal that although Cain’s tax plan would certainly decrease the tax burden of the nation’s super wealthy, it would also raise taxes on approximately 80% of the population who find themselves in the working/middle class. Even one of the architects of Cain’s plan later said that a 9% national sales tax would scuttle the plan and advocated for its removal. That opened the door for Cain’s challenger Rick Perry to reveal a tax plan of his own. The details of Perry’s plan are sketchy at best but he advocates for a flat 20% tax on everyone. Like Cain’s plan however, the Perry plan guarantees a tax decrease for the wealthy but not for the working/middle class who would only have the option of retaining their present tax rates. consequently, Perry’s tax plan seems just as destined for failure as was Herman Cain’s. The difference is that Perry’s candidacy at least looks as if it may survive a few more weeks.

Ah, Herman Cain we hardly knew ye!

UPDATE: More Suspicions “Aroused”

We have some breaking news this morning. A fifth woman has just come forward and accused Herman Cain of more sexually objective behavior. The Washington Examiner reports that Donna Donella, a then-United States Agency for International Development worker, claims Cain tried to get her to arrange a dinner with a “lovely young lady” in the audience at a speech he gave in 2002. Donella says,

“And after the seminar was over, Cain came over to me and a colleague and said, ‘Could you put me in touch with that lovely young lady who asked the question, so I can give her a more thorough answer over dinner?’”

Donella then went on to elaborate that she and others in the organization were suspicious of cain’s motives and declined to set up the date. Cain responded, “Then you and I can have dinner.” That’s when two female colleagues intervened and suggested they all go to dinner together, Donella said. She added that Cain ordered $400 worth of wine, then skipped out on the check.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

One After 9-0-9 song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TipfIUP1kAE

THE ONE AFTER 9-9-9

 (sung to the Beatles song “One After 9-0-9”)

Rick Perry says he’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
He says, “Move over Herman, the best damn tax plan is mine”
He says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay a price”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

Cain’s plan has got to go cuz his sales tax is a penalty
Herm loves foolin’ round but never fool around with me
Rick says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay twice”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

I love to brag ‘bout my creation
My objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is my bag, mine alone
I hope I ain’t,  got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

(drinking and/or medication break)

Rick loves to brag ‘bout his creation
The objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is his bag, Romney clone
Bet your ass, he got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

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