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Herman Cain’s “Idea Of A Stimulus Package”

"You want a job, right?"

Once again, we ask that you click on the song link here before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music.

Things are going from bad to worse for Herman Cain on a near daily basis. As the saying goes, “when it rains it pours” and Herman Cain is now seeking shelter from the storm of his lifetime. It is only a matter of time now before he is forced to mimic John Edwards and withdraw from the race for the Republican Party nomination for President of the United States. With the rare exceptions of President Clinton and David Vitter, things rarely go well for politicians who are faced with allegations of multiple instances of sexual misconduct. See Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Bob Packwood (a very suitable name mind you), Joe Scarborough and Arnold Schwarzenegger to name just a few exposed philanderers.

Yesterday, it was revealed that a fourth woman may have been sexually harassed by Herman Cain during his tenure with the National Restaurant Association. Sharon Bialek claims that Cain sexually assaulted her in 1997 and at a press conference with her attorney, Gloria Allred she said that she hopes he will come clean about other allegations of sexual misconduct. CNN reports that Bialek said Cain reached under her skirt and pressed her head toward his crotch when she was visiting Cain in Washington to get job hunting advice after she had been “terminated” from the National Restaurant Association. She said that when she protested, Cain asked, “You want a job, right?” Bialek’s attorney said that when her client sought employment advice, Cain instead provided her with “his idea of a stimulus package.”

Ouch! These are the most detailed descriptions of Cain’s alleged sexual proclivities to date and they are sure to leave a permanent scar. The question now is, who will Cain blame for enticing the woman to take her story public? When it was revealed last week that two former female employees of the National Restaurant Association had received settlement packages from the association as the result of their charges of sexual misconduct, Cain immediately blamed the Rick Perry camp, then the Mitt Romney camp, then a former staffer and finally the liberal media. Who will it be this time?

To add insult to injury, the sexual misconduct charges were not the only problems facing Cain in the last few weeks. His ignorance of foreign relations was exposed last week when, during an interview on PBS’ NewsHour, Cain warned that China has indicated it is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” Unbeknownst to Cain, China has had nuclear weapons since 1964. He has also stated that he could imagine a situation in which he would negotiate with terrorists if he were President.

All of this of course, follows upon Cain’s 9-9-9 tax plan debacle. It did not take long for economists to reveal that although Cain’s tax plan would certainly decrease the tax burden of the nation’s super wealthy, it would also raise taxes on approximately 80% of the population who find themselves in the working/middle class. Even one of the architects of Cain’s plan later said that a 9% national sales tax would scuttle the plan and advocated for its removal. That opened the door for Cain’s challenger Rick Perry to reveal a tax plan of his own. The details of Perry’s plan are sketchy at best but he advocates for a flat 20% tax on everyone. Like Cain’s plan however, the Perry plan guarantees a tax decrease for the wealthy but not for the working/middle class who would only have the option of retaining their present tax rates. consequently, Perry’s tax plan seems just as destined for failure as was Herman Cain’s. The difference is that Perry’s candidacy at least looks as if it may survive a few more weeks.

Ah, Herman Cain we hardly knew ye!

UPDATE: More Suspicions “Aroused”

We have some breaking news this morning. A fifth woman has just come forward and accused Herman Cain of more sexually objective behavior. The Washington Examiner reports that Donna Donella, a then-United States Agency for International Development worker, claims Cain tried to get her to arrange a dinner with a “lovely young lady” in the audience at a speech he gave in 2002. Donella says,

“And after the seminar was over, Cain came over to me and a colleague and said, ‘Could you put me in touch with that lovely young lady who asked the question, so I can give her a more thorough answer over dinner?’”

Donella then went on to elaborate that she and others in the organization were suspicious of cain’s motives and declined to set up the date. Cain responded, “Then you and I can have dinner.” That’s when two female colleagues intervened and suggested they all go to dinner together, Donella said. She added that Cain ordered $400 worth of wine, then skipped out on the check.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

One After 9-0-9 song link:


 (sung to the Beatles song “One After 9-0-9”)

Rick Perry says he’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
He says, “Move over Herman, the best damn tax plan is mine”
He says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay a price”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

Cain’s plan has got to go cuz his sales tax is a penalty
Herm loves foolin’ round but never fool around with me
Rick says, “I’ll say this once, take my advice”
“I’ll make sure that the poor pay twice”
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

I love to brag ‘bout my creation
My objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is my bag, mine alone
I hope I ain’t,  got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9

(drinking and/or medication break)

Rick loves to brag ‘bout his creation
The objective? Wealth will rule the nation
That is his bag, Romney clone
Bet your ass, he got the numbers wrong

Cain, I say I’m workin’ on the one after 9-9-9
I say, “Move over Herman, the Presidency is mine”
If you move over once, I will be nice
I’ll consider you to be my Vice
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9
Perry’s workin’ on the one after 9-9-9