Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 24

Just a few noteworthy news stories and comments thereon that have been orbiting the galaxies this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: There was an interesting moment on MSNBC’s Hardball With Chris Matthews this week. The guest was Republican strategist Todd Harris. He was asked by Matthews to name just one thing that the Republican party has done for the country in the last 15 to 20 years. He could not come up with one thing.

MATTHEWS: I just wanted to get the Republican bragging points straight here. So the Republican Party has kept us safe, except for 9/11. Is that the argument? No, really, because you had the worst attack on the American homeland in history, but you`re bragging about your ability to defend the country because you say — you defended America, except for 9/11. That`s your defense, right?

HARRIS: Look, Chris…

MATTHEWS: That`s the bragging point of the Republican Party for the last — I asked you to name one thing they`ve done for this country in 15 to 20 years. I`ll keep going back further. And you`re having a hard time giving me an answer. What has the Republican Party…

HARRIS: No, no. I`m…

MATTHEWS: … done for the country?

HARRIS: I`m not…

MATTHEWS: I`m just — it`s a good question.

HARRIS: Chris, I`m not having…

MCMAHON: Squandered the surplus.

HARRIS: … a hard time giving you an answer.

MCMAHON: Don`t forget, squandered the surplus.

HARRIS: When I decide to write a book about the history of the last 20 years of the Republican Party, I`ll be happy to talk to you about that.

MATTHEWS: No, just give me one…

HARRIS: My job is to win elections — my job is to…

MATTHEWS: Just give me one.

HARRIS: … win elections in 2010.

MATTHEWS: OK.

HARRIS: And I`m going to keep my eye on the ball.

MCMAHON: He doesn`t have one. He doesn`t have one!

Yikes. Harris provided a whole lotta nuthin’.

THIS JUST IN: John Michael Farren, who served as deputy legal counsel to President George W. Bush, has been charged with strangulation and attempted murder after allegedly choking his wife and beating her with a flashlight. It is believed that Farren felt pressure to one-up Dick Cheney’s crime of shooting his friend in the face.

BREAKING NEWS: If the mainstream media is truly liberal, it has done a good job of hiding that fact this week. Most every televised news program at some point this week drew attention to Democratic Party Senators Chris Dodd and Byron Dorgan’s announced retirements and concluded that the party is in real trouble because of the number of vacated seats. The problem is that the media has failed to report the true facts. Those facts are that the Republicans have six Senate incumbents that are not seeking re-election (compared to the two aforementioned Democrats) and fourteen House members doing the same (compared to ten Democrats). Final score: Republicans vacating twenty congressional seats and Democrats vacating twelve. Looks like the Republicans have some real trouble of their own.

THIS JUST IN: Would someone please tell Liz Cheney that nobody cares what she has to say. This week the daughter of the former face-shooter in chief, Dick Cheney decided that she should give her opinion on how the Obama administration should handle terrorism. She should be reminded that she has absolutely no qualifications to comment on that subject.  She would be better served by accompanying the Bush twins on the party scene. Then again, she is probably not very fun to be around.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Republicans Eating Their Young” features Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele and wealthy Republican contributors. It appears that the contributors’ lack of faith in Steele is manifesting itself in a dearth of contributions to the RNC. Steele has responded to his Republican critics as follows in an ABC interview:

I’m telling them and I’m looking them in the eye and say I’ve had enough of it. If you don’t want me in the job, fire me. But until then, shut up. Get with the program or get out of the way.

Sounds like the Republican Party is in need of an intervention.

THIS JUST IN: Does anyone else find it a little ironic that although Hanes has terminated actor Charlie Sheen from his endorsement contract as the result of his pending spousal abuse charges, the underwear manufacturer continues to sell “wife-beater” undershirts?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Don’t Sugar Coat It, Go Ahead And Tell Us How You Really Feel” features Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic.com who says of Sarah Palin,

But it became almost immediately clear that she knew nothing about anything, had a private life that you usually see hashed out on Judge Judy, covered up her total lack of governing competence with so many lies they were hard to keep track of, and had next-to-no knowledge of any domestic or foreign policy issues, including energy. Isn’t that enough to regard her nomination as a total farce, the biggest insult ever delivered to voters since … well, Dan Quayle, who was far more informed, smart and serious than Palin ever was.

The idea that this person was qualified to run a country in one of its most serious crises, economically and militarily, beggars belief. The recklessness it revealed in McCain showed that he too was simply unqualified for high office, gambling with the core security of the US for cheap tactical advantage.

THIS JUST IN: Vice President Joe O’Biden says to the unemployed Sarah Palin, “Stay away from me lucky charms!” More on the sorry former ex-quitting governor of Alaska tonight on 60 Minutes which will feature a scathing synopsis of the 2008 Palin campaign by McCain campaign official Steve Schmidt.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “We Can’t Seem To Get Our Heads Out Of Our Asses” features those dimwitted curmudgeons known as Tea-Baggers. In December 2009, the group known as “Tea Party Support” announced the it would be sponsoring the National Conservative Symposium from January 22 – 24 in San Antonio, Texas. The speaker lineup included Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Michelle Malkin and Laura Ingraham. The event was reported to be a symposium for “true” conservatives and would compete directly with the more celebrated annual CPAC conference which Palin has elected to shun. The price for attendance at the Tea Party event was announced to be $ 749.00.

Unfortunately, the group ran into a little trouble on the way to Texas. The event has now been canceled with no reason for cancellation announced by the group. This is noteworthy because it is the first event that has quit on Sarah Palin before she could quit on it. The cancellation also marks the most recent disaster of the Tea-Bagging campaign. Their “Die-In” event in Washington last December was remarkable only for its lack of attendance and they cannot seem to define what the heck their planned January 20th “strike” or “boycott” is supposed to be. Somebody better read their tea leaves and soon.

OOPS, ALMOST FORGOT: Here We Go Packers, Here We Go !!!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Honesty Impaired Fox News Hosts” features Sean “The Cowardly Waterboarding Evader” Hannity. His most recent lie is that the CIA is diverting counter terrorism resources in an attempt to prove the existence of global warming. Hannity said,

The CIA director redirects manpower to monitor climate change, but is it all the cost — at the cost of our security, your security, your family’s security? In the wake of the attempted Christmas Day terror attack, you would think the spies at the CIA, that they would have their hands full securing America. But, believe it or not, assets at Langley are being used for other projects.

Hannity then quoted a National Center For Public Policy Research (NCPPR) press release which said,

As terrorists continue to infiltrate America, the Obama Administration is tasking some of our nation’s most elite intelligence-gathering agencies to divert their resources to environmental scientists researching global warming.

Of course Hannity failed to disclose that the NCPPR is sponsored and funded by the global warming denying Exxon Oil Company. Additionally, he failed to provide the CIA’s response to the ridiculous claim which is,

The monitoring program has little or no impact on regular intelligence gathering, federal officials said, but instead releases secret information already collected or takes advantage of opportunities to record environmental data when classified sensors are otherwise idle or passing over wilderness.

That is OK Mr. Hannity. Do not let the facts get in the way of a good lie. You just go on living in your Faux News fantasy world.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Dear Mr. Fantasy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxVlN-LzIks

DEAR, MR. HANNITY

(sung to the Traffic song “Dear, Mr. Fantasy”)

Dear, Mr. Hannity you are a goon
Some even say you are daffy
Your nightly show is just like a cartoon
Hit that bong, chug that jar
Getting happy
You are the one that just makes us all laugh
Unlike Glenn Beck, you don’t go to tears
You should be sad that you do not have your gonads
You could face waterboarding fears

Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh Ahhhhh

Dear Mr. Hannity you’re no Brit Hume
Although, he too is unhappy
Insanity prevails throughout Fox News
Always wrong, that you are
Oh so crappy
Yeah, yeah

(musical interlude)

Dear Mr. Hannity  go back to your room
That would just make us all happy
Do anything, take us out of our gloom
Sing a song, play guitar
Make it snappy
We all just watch you to have a good laugh
We haven’t laughed so hard in ten years
You are one sad excuse for a real college grad
Just like all of your poor Fox News peers

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 21

Just a few noteworthy news stories that have been careening around the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS: And now, for this weeks episode of Republican Hypocrites we have John Boehner (pronounced, boner) and Mitch McConnell. The two Republican leaders have taken a new tact in obstructing the Senate health care reform bill. They are publicly proclaiming that proposed amendments to the  bill are being negotiated by the Democratic majority “behind closed doors.” In an effort to nip that allegation in the bud, Democratic Senator Harry Reid immediately suggested that all proposed amendments to the bill be posted online for  public scrutiny. The Republican leadership of course, rejected the suggestion outright.

THIS JUST IN: The Harlem Gospel Choir has pulled a Sarah Palin and backed out of an appearance on Glenn Beck’s Christmas special at the last moment. Good for them. They were alerted to Beck’s overtly racist mindset by Color Of Change, the group which successfully orchestrated the Glenn Beck advertiser boycott. Nobody noticed the choir’s absence however, because Beck’s show was a bust. Only 17 tickets were sold in Boston and New York City. This highlights the point that Beck’s audience is a lot smaller than he thinks.

BREAKING NEWS: Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann’s constituents suffer from the highest percentage of home foreclosures in the state of Minnesota. Bachmann’s district had 1097 foreclosures in July, August and September 2009. Let’s hope that her homeless constituents are aware of the fact that Bachmann voted against every major piece of foreclosure-relief legislation brought before the House during her term in office.

THIS JUST IN: Former Fox News Watch host Eric Burns has some strong words regarding the Fox Network and Glenn Beck. He writes on the Huffington Post that he used to work for a “right-wing partial-news-but-mostly-opinion-network.” As for Glenn beck, he said,

I speak out now because it is the time of year when one is supposed to count blessings. I have several. Among them is that I do not have to face the ethical problem of sharing an employer with Glenn Beck.

Actually, Beck is a problem of taste as well as ethics. He laughs and cries; he pouts and giggles; he makes funny faces and grins like a cartoon character; he makes earnest faces yet insists he is a clown; he cavorts like a victim of St. Vitus’s Dance. His means of communicating are, in other words, so wide-ranging as to suggest derangement as much as versatility.

BREAKING NEWS: On Thursday, Senate Democrats voted to keep nearly $ 500 billion in Medicare cuts in their version of the health care reform bill. By a vote of 58 to 42 they rejected Republican Senator John McCain’s proposal to strip out the cuts. Isn’t it ironic that the political party that has opposed the Medicare program from its inception now portrays itself as its champion? The cuts to the program will not limit medical services to recipients nor increase co-pays and the cuts are supported by AARP.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of Foolish Republican Tricks that Backfired features Senators David “Diaper Wearing” Vitter and Tom Coburn. The two tricky Republicans filed an amendment to the health care reform bill which would require that all members of Congress enroll in the “public option.” They believed that no self respecting legislator would ever submit his own health care to such a lousy plan. Problem is, Democrats Sherrod Brown, Al Franken, Barbara Mikulski and Chris Dodd have all agreed not only to enroll in the public option but also to co-sponsor the amendment with the two Republicans. Once their bluff was called, the cowardly Republicans retracted the amendment.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of Blue-Dog Democrats Behaving Badly features Senator Max Baucus of Montana. Baucus is best known as the jerk who did whatever he could to prevent a public option from appearing in the Senate version of the health care reform bill. We learned this week that Baucus has also sided with the Republicans in their favorite pastime, adultery. Baucus has now admitted that he was carrying on an affair with his state office director, at the same time that he nominated her to be U.S. Attorney in Montana. He may as well just switch party affiliation at this point.

THIS JUST IN: In this week’s episode of Indefensible Republican Votes we have the 30 Republican Senators that voted against an amendment to a defense spending bill that would withhold government contracts from companies that refused to let employee rape victims bring the rape cases before courts of law. ‘Nuff said.

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to today’s song parody.

Every Kind Of People song link: http://www.ilike.com/artist/Robert+Palmer/track/Every+Kinda+People

EVERY KIND OF PEOPLE

(sung to the Robert Palmer version of the song “Every Kind Of People”)

The far right always competes
They all lie and then misspeak
Try to keep their jobs
Fighting to land a spot on Fox

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

We’re not sure Glenn Beck can read
Is Ann Coulter a he or is it a she?
O’Reilly seems so damn uptight
Limbaugh cannot keep a wife

Though they profit by deceit
Honest men know that
Fox will suffer defeat
If you’re anything but white
Fox News will insult you with delight

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

(musical interlude)

You know that hate’s their only goal
They learned that long ago from Bob Dole
Hey, and they are all insane
Looking to always pass the blame

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
It takes every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout
It takes very kind of people