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Christine “Witchy Poo” O’Donnell Stews In Her Own Brew

When she was shellacked last November in the Delaware U.S. Senatorial election, we thought we had heard the last of Christine O’Donnell. The Sarah Palin endorsed, anti-masturbation, Bible-thumping, witchcraft-dabbling Tea-Bagger had provided so much material for this blog and so many others that her sudden exit from the political scene was mourned by all. But, as Mark Twain once said, “the rumors of [Christine O’Donnell’s] demise have been greatly exaggerated”.

CNN reports that the Justice Department and the FBI has launched a criminal investigation into O’Donnell’s possible misuse of campaign funds. A source with knowledge of the probe confirmed to CNN that an investigation has been commenced, but the FBI and Justice Department have thus far made no comment. Justice Department spokeswoman Laura Sweeney acknowledged to CNN that the U.S. Attorney’s office in Delaware had agreed to review the initial complaint filed by watchdog group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics  (CREW). However, Sweeney declined to say whether federal prosecutors and FBI agents had gone beyond the initial review.

While running for the Senate in 2010, O’Donnell faced repeated questions about her finances including the alleged illegal use of her campaign donations as a personal piggy bank from which she paid her personal rent and personal travel expenses in 2009 when she was not running for any office. She attributed the rumors of impropriety to a disgruntled former campaign volunteer, David Keegan, who submitted an affidavit to CREW alleging misuse of campaign funds in a previous O’Donnell Senate bid. CREW subsequently filed complaints with the Federal Elections Commission and the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Delaware regarding O’Donnell’s finances, asking for investigations of her alleged use of campaign funds for personal expenses.

The former candidate who once felt compelled to deny she was a witch, now denies that she is a criminal and claims that any investigation is a “vendetta”. She not only blames the aforementioned Keegan for the criminal investigation, but also Vice President Joe Biden. “Given that the King of the Delaware Political Establishment just so happens to be the Vice President of the most liberal Presidential administration in U.S. history, it is no surprise that misuse and abuse of the FBI would not be off the table,” she said, while not denying the substance of any such probe. Not surprisingly, the Biden office felt no need to comment on O’Donnell’s spurious allegation.

If the past can be used as a tool to predict the future, how long will it be before Christine O’Donnell releases a television advertisement in which the opening line mimics those famous words uttered by disgraced Republican President Richard Nixon, “I am not a crook”?

Lynnrockets is simply glad that Christine O’Donnell is back in the news so that we can re-post one of our favorite song parodies.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Sympathy For The Devil song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je8MXiwmNIk

SYMPATHY FOR O’DONNELL

(sung to the Rolling Stones song “Sympathy For The Devil”)

Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m in the Delaware race
I’ve been around for a couple of years
And I never masturbate

Yes, I believe that Jesus Christ
Has spoken through my campaign
He’ll keep Bill Maher quiet
Seal his mouth as I spread hate

Pleased to meet you
Can you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is my obsession with fame

Do you dare to trust my word
After I robbed my donors of their change
Paid my rent and then I secured
New furniture and a gas-fired range

The sulfur stank
Like a septic tank
On my witchcraft stage
Oh so dark and dank

Pleased to meet you
Can you guess my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

That Sarah P.
Is my Tea-Bag Queen
I drank the Kool-Aid
That she proudly made

I shouted out
“Let’s kill Ted Kennedy”
Cuz his Health Plan’s
Killing you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I am Delaware’s disgrace
And a Tea Party troubadour
Singing lies every day of this race

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
Now what’s troubling you
Is the nature of my fame, oh yeah, get down, baby

(evolution denial break)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
Now what’s confusing you
Is just the nature of my game, um yeah

Just as Medicare is criminal
Republicans are saints
Dumb as Dan Quayle
Just call me O’Donnell
Watch as I apply my war-paint

Coons will defeat me
He’ll refer to me
As the mental-case in this race
Use all his well-learned politics
As he lays my soul to waste, um yeah

Pleased to meet you
O’Donnell is my name, um yeah
Now what’s troubling you
Is the nature of my fame, um baby, get down

Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah

Oh yeah!

Chris O’Donnell, that’s my name
Tell me honey, don’t ya love my name
Chris O’Donnell, that’s my name
If I lose this race, you’re to blame

Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who

Alright
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah

What’s my name
Chris O’Donnell, that’s my name
Tell me, sweetie, what’s my name

Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah

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Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 53

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: Last week Alexandra Petri of The Washington Post provided the  top 10 reasons Christine O’Donnell might be a real witch.

  1. If you put her in water, she floats! So does everyone, but that’s the same criteria they used at the Salem witch trials, and they seemed to know what they were talking about.
  2. She gets better-looking as time passes. Everyone else who was prominent in the ’90s came straggling out, broken and crinkled, muttering something about Vanilla Ice. Not O’Donnell. She’s like the Dorian Gray of political candidates. Witch.
  3. Christine is a member of the Tea Party. One thing I know about tea is that, if you expose it to water, it dissolves. This is what the witch did in The Wizard of Oz. Witch.
  4. Christine O’Donnell says gays suffer from identity disorder. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia believes that gays are not protected against discrimination under the 14th amendment, and he spends all his time wandering around in a black robe and cackling, so maybe that’s witch code. Maybe they’re in the same not-coven.
  5. Witches use lots of made-up words, such as “hocus pocus” and “wingardium leviosa.” Christine O’Donnell coins her own words and phrases, too, such as “unfactual” and “republican cannibalism.” Witch.
  6. Christine O’Donnell once went on a date to a “satanic altar.” Hasn’t everyone? You know your date’s going badly when he draws a pentagram on the table with sushi and insists “The Sacrifice Occurs Now.” That’s usually when I go to the bathroom and stay there. If my date comes and knocks on the door, I shout, “I’ve fallen in! Don’t come after me! I’m in a better place!” That’s not a witch thing. That’s a dating thing. Unless “satanic altar” is a metaphor for something. In that case, witch.
  7. In “Wicked,” a musical about witches, the witch Elphaba sings a song about defying gravity, a natural impulse that it is impossible to resist without magic. Christine O’Donnell opposes masturbation.
  8. She said she had a college degree, and then it disappeared, and then it reappeared! Magic! Witch!
  9. Joe Scarborough once asked her if she was going to stop the whole country from having sex. She responded: “Yes.” Clearly, anyone with that much confidence in her powers must possess abilities beyond the ken of traditional humans. Witch.
  10. She says she’s a common-sense conservative who is part of the real America. She promises to make government smaller, not raise taxes and bring values back to Washington. That would require magic. If she says she can deliver on that promise, then — witch!
That is it for today folks. Have a chuckle, sing my song and have a great day!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9_fDEsv-Q

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!