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Is Sarah Palin A Celebrity “Survivor”?

Yesterday Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off detailed the ever-growing list of conservatives/Republicans who have deemed Sarah Palin to be either unqualified for higher political office or simply unelectable. Today we will reveal many of the nation’s celebrities that are repulsed by all things Palin.

First we have Palin’s co-TLC star Clinton Kelly of “What Not To Wear”. The wardrobe wonk appeared on “The Joy Behar Show” yesterday and blasted Palin for killing animals on her series simply for show. He said,

“I wasn’t thrilled when I heard that Sarah Palin had an eight-hour infomercial, you know, on my network because she basically stands for everything I don’t stand for or I’m against. So it’s a little bit rough. It’s a little — what bothers me the most about her is her hypocrisy. I hate somebody who’s, like, Oh, look at nature. Look at this beautiful Alaska. …  Look how beautiful everything is. Let’s go kill something … because we need some meat in the refrigerator.”

Kelly has a point inasmuch as the millionaire Palin is not in such a position that she cannot afford to buy food at the grocery store.

Of course Joy Behar herself is no stranger to Palin-blasting. She routinely pans the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska on both her own show and on the more popular “The View”. Remember the time when she countered co-host Elisabeth Hasselback’s contention that Palin shows her courage on her TLC show when she encounters the wild? Behar said,

“But, the question is, does she have the courage to come on ‘The View’? That would be the point. Forget the bears. How about the mama bears here?”

Even some folks at the ever-friendly Fox News network have joined the Palin-bashing parade. Two weeks ago on “Fox News Sunday”, Fox News contributor and former Bush White House Press Secretary Dana Perino said,

“It’s weird to at night be having a camping trip with Kate Gosselin, Kate Plus 8, and then the next morning read in USA Today this very serious and thoughtful piece about a nuclear Iran.” While Perino pointed out that many politicians have people do their writing for them, this “discordance” could be a problem for Palin in particular. “It doesn’t sound like her when you read the materials,” she said. “And authenticity matters almost more than ever, and I think that’s what mattered in 2010, and people wanted not to just hear the message, they wanted to hear the authenticity of it.”

Come to think of it, even Kate Gosselin could not “bear” the thought of spending the night with Palin and co.

Comedian Kathy Griffin has taken a different path. She said that she will lay-off the attacks against Sarah, Todd and daughter Bristol for awhile. She added however, that her New Year’s resolution is to target Sarah Palin’s 16-year-old daughter, Willow. She recently told The Hollywood Reporter,

“I’ve already gone for Sarah, Todd and Bristol obviously. But I think it’s Willow’s year to go down. In 2011, I want to offend a new Palin. She’s called people a fa—t on Facebook a couple of times. “You don’t throw around the f-word without hearing from me about it.”

Griffin of course, was commenting on the young Palin’s recent Facebook postings wherein she tossed around the F-Bomb (both the homophobic and curse word varities) like her mother tosses a word salad.

Recently even Roseanne Barr (remember her?) has joined the act. Barr said she doesn’t like Palin even though they both portray themselves as down-home regular folks. She said,

“I feel she’s ripping off my act. She’s not even telling the truth to the American people. I think she took a lot from me and from my show, absolutely.”

Another comedian, Margaret Cho had this to say of Palin,

“At first I thought Sarah Palin was some kind of Republican pandering — a misguided attempt to woo Hillary voters over to the dark side, as if they believed women voters were so stupid that they would vote for anyone in skirt, but now I see that she is much, much worse. I have nothing against hockey moms — I just don’t want to be one. If Sarah Palin had her way, she would take away that right not to be a mom. She wants to outlaw abortion — so to call her a feminist is as laughable as calling evangelicals ‘Christians.’ They shouldn’t have the right to call themselves Christian, for they have no Christ-like attributes. I am a feminist and a Christian — and when I see Sarah Palin — I see neither.”

Boston’s very own Matt Damon (you know, Jason Bourne), the Harvard educated actor is also not fond of Sarah Palin. While running against the Obama ticket, he had this to say of the “pitbull with lipstick”,

“You do the actuary tables, there’s a one out of three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn’t survive his first term, and it’ll be President Palin. … It’s like a really bad Disney movie, “The Hockey Mom.” Oh, I’m just a hockey mom from Alaska, and she’s president. She’s facing down Vladimir Putin and using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink. It’s absurd.”

Of course not all celebrities dislike the “Queen of Quit”. The ever sober and erudite Lindsay Lohan beamed,

“I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. It’s distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.”

‘Nuff said.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s pseudo-rap inspired song parody.

Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ut5A_r5iiOg

SHE”S A PINHEAD, BABY

(sung to the Beck song “Loser”)

From the town of Wasilla, she’s like Godzilla
She’s lame in the brain and she endorsed Joseph Miller
With her winking eyeballs, Sarah loves those catcalls
Barbie doll shouts out to those G.I. Joes
On the far right they think she’s beautiful
Sarah Palin is a loser with no self-control
Sarah’s the Queen-O of the Tea Party
Just a bunch of dumb slouches marching to her beat
Pundits keep sayin’ she’s insane with no brain
Her daughter’s shotgun wedding was blasted into dirt
She writes crib-notes just below her sleeve
She was a Governor for awhile but she said she had to leave
She shoves her face in each race with her bark
Hates people with food stamps that live in those big trailer parks

Yo, cut it

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Double-barrel buckshot)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly

Palin is evil, thank John for this nightmare
Blasts country music in her book-signing chamber
Just a scheming weasel and she comes wrapped in a flag
Hails from the North Pole, this oil-pimping Tea-Hag
Loves her “Sixpack Joes” cuz First Dude has no job
Nothing more than Sarah’s house-husband slob
Sarah-baby pulls all of the strings
Snapped a turkey’s neck while she’s talking on that TV thing
She can’t write and she can’t debate
Stealing cash like a thief from her fans that think she’s great
Never bothers with any facts, … she’s wrong more than she’s right
While preachin’ to her minions

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She’s in the stardumb bizznizz)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(“Thanks but no thanks”)

Yo, bring her down

Soooooooooooo…
(She’s a liar, she’s a sinner, brings no hope or change, can’t you feel it?)

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She says, “also too”)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Is that her baby?)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Know what I’m sayin’?)

Sarah Palin: The Tabloid Schizoid

Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.

Remember when this happened during the Katie Couric/ Sarah Palin televised interview in September 2008?


Boy, did we learn a lot about the quitting ex-governor’s reading habits and news sources that day. It appeared at the time as if she could not remember the names of any accredited newspapers or periodicals that she regularly read. She was asked to be specific but she simply chose to give some general evasive answer involving Alaskans’ ability to access news sources. Now in retrospect however, it appears that she was not suffering from a momentary memory lapse, but was rather trying to hide the actual literature (and we use that term loosely) that she does in fact read.

In  Vanity Fair magazine there was an expose by former future son-in-law Levi Johnston about Sarah Palin. And it was not flattering. The article was titled, Me and Mrs. Palin and included a segment in which Johnston explained the erstwhile journalism major’s reading habits as follows:

“Once in a blue moon, I’d see her reading a book, and I’ve never even seen her read a newspaper in my life. The Frontiersman and the Anchorage Daily News were always there in the morning, but the only one who looked through them was Todd.”

There it is, she does not read newspapers. Inasmuch as Johnston has revealed that she shops at Walmart and eats at Taco Bell, it is not much of a stretch to assume that she reads only People, Us, The National Enquirer and The Star. Please Sarah, the next time that someone asks you that question, answer it honestly and in detail or it may come back to haunt you…again.

Luckily for us, this week the tabloids have focused on Palin and her family again. this time it is the National Enquirer that shines the unflattering spotlight on the Alaska Disastah. The title of the article is Palin’s Boozy Wild Child and here are some excerpts:

Sarah Palin’s got another Wasilla wild child on her hands  – 15-year-old daughter Willow who’s running with the “wrong crowd”.

Big sister Bristol made headlines with her out-of-wedlock pregnancy, and now Willow has been named as a participant in a teenage booze bash that got out of hand, say sources.

“Willow has been running with the wrong crowd,” confides a friend. “They are a popular high school clique known as the Colony Girls, who are well known as hard partiers and are regularly involved in underage drinking and smoking dope.”

In July 2009, Willow was photographed slamming back a bottle of vodka at a Juneau house party. “Sarah was fuming when that photo of Willow was published,” said the friend.

Her older sister Bristol scandalized her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska, as a dope-smoking underage drinker and party girl. At 17, she announced she was pregnant – by hunky Levi Johnston whose mother was later sent to jail for pushing drugs.

Bristol,  who gave birth to baby Tripp in December 2008, later organized an much ballyhooed advocacy group to prevent teen pregnancy.

Track, meanwhile, has had drug problems in the past, and was addicted to the painkiller OxyContin before shipping off to Iraq.

The former Alaska governor – who ran for vice president on a family values platform – is upset that Willow’s wild behavior could cause her embarrassment as she promotes her new gig as Fox News commentator.

“Right now, Sarah’s trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug,” the source said.

Juicy stuff.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets


Today’s song parody explores Sarah Palin’s relationship with the press. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Sunday Papers song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5r1ub00btE&feature=related

SUNDAY PAPERS

(sung to the Joe Jackson song “Sunday Papers”)

Palin doesn’t go out anymore
Just sits at home and winks and blinks her eyes
But every weekend through the door
We get to learn what she would like to hide

If you want to know about her daughter on the mattress
If you want to know who SarahPAC are
If you wonder why the Palins are such mad-hatters
You can read it in the Sunday papers, Sunday papers

Sarah’s big hair isn’t hers at all
She watches cartoons when the tv’s on
Whenever Meg Stapleton calls
We’ll know the facts when Sunday comes along

If you want to know why Sarah P. went bonkers
If you want to know where the children are
If you want to know about her donor suckers
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Dinner dates on Ebay now I guess
Will it be Taco Bell or reindeer stew
Palin’s got something against the press
They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true

If you want to know how she paid for her kitchen (yeah!)
If you want to know where campaign gifts are
If you want to know the next job that she’ll be quittin’
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
(repeat to fade)

Palins: A Family In Decline

political-pictures-sarah-palin-family-media-hell

The Palin family circus is a sight to behold. Is a single one of them presently employed? Perhaps Track is still employed by the U.S. Government if his term of military service has not yet been completed. Even that however, says something about the uber-right-wing family that promotes the private sector so much when the only family income comes from the federal government. In typical Palin fashion, husband Todd recently quit his job with British Petroleum. Sarah, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska has recently posted her resume on LinkedIn. Bristol, we assume, is a single stay at home mom living off of who knows what. Jeesh!!!

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Are Family song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqHLvuKW3H4

WE ARE FAMILY

(sung to the Sister Sledge song “We Are Family”)

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Ev’ryone can see that we are crazy
As we walk on by
(HIGH!) And we don’t work because we are lazy
Diana is high
(ALL) All of the moonbats in our clan these days
Like the First Dude, Todd
Just let me state for the record
We think that Levi kid is odd

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Abstinence is fun, OK that’s a pun
We get knocked-up before wedding bells
(HIGH) High hopes we have for the future
If our books can sell
(WE) Oh we dress for success
Here’s what we call our golden rule
No condoms for you, and no pills too
You won’t go wrong
Protect the Family Jewels

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

(Repeat Chorus To Fade)

The Palin Posse Parties Like It’s 1999!!!

Sarah Palin interviewing for slutty flight attendant position

Sarah Palin interviewing for slutty flight attendant position

The Palin Posse has pushed its way into the papers again. just when you thought it was safe to read the news again, you learn that Levi Johnston and Willow Palin are making headlines. It makes us Lower 48ers (why aren’t we Lower 49ers by the way?) wonder if the Palin extended family was always this public about things (with the exception of quasi-public/private emails that is).

Today we learned via a photograph published by the tabloid The Star, that 15 year old Willow Palin enjoys to quench her thirst with an Absolut and Mountain Dew. We also learned via US Magazine, that Levi Johnston is willing to pose nude if the price is right. Do these Palin attention seekers have no shame?

Today’s song parody harkens back to the days of David Letterman and Sarah Palin’s “slutty flight attendant” look.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Slit Skirts song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0C-8hyn4TI&feature=fvw

SLIT SKIRTS

(sung to the Pete Townsend song “Slit Skirts”)

She is just forty-five years old and she is still wandering in a haze
It’s no wondering why everyone I meet is laughing about those Palin days

I don’t know why she thought she should have some kind of divine right to the news
It’s apathy not cheers that she needs when she voices her warped views

Her incense burned away and her stench began to rise
And Sarah is so strange with those fetching wink-blinking eyes

The mis-haps of her children make her blood begin to boil
The hat atop her beehive should be covered with tinfoil
She had to quit Alaska cause of bridges that she burned
From all this you’d imagine that there must be something learned

Slit skirts, Palin always wears those slit skirts
Clothes that are so tight that it hurts
Can’t pretend that growing older never hurts

Scream rants, Sarah’s tweeting out her scream rants
It’s really about time for a new dance
If she wants to buy voter romance

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Slutty flight attendant look slit skirts, slit skirts
Her beehive hair and those slit skirts, slit skirts
High heels that are red and those slit skirts

Romance, romance is Sarah thinking of romance?
She’s like a stripper doing a pole dance
She may as well peel her pants

Let me tell you some more about herself, you know she’s starting to roam just now
Her days as governor are long passed and there’s no need for her to hang around
She’s number one on the drone team and still says, “Drill Baby Drill”
A silent voice in her broken heart knows her dreams will go unfilled

Just guess who will her next husband be, and will he be like HIM?
Will Sarah P. start to work off her frustrations in the gym?

Recriminations fester and the past can never change
And Palin’s expectations run from odd to outright strange

A careless and untrained mother and her best friend Meg
Put their brains together and it looks like scrambled eggs

Slit skirts, Palin always wears those slit skirts
Clothes that are so tight that it hurts
Can’t pretend that growing older never hurts

Scream rants, Sarah’s tweeting out her scream rants
It’s really about time for a new dance
If she wants to buy voter romance

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Slutty flight attendant look slit skirts, slit skirts
Her beehive hair and those slit skirts, slit skirts
High heels that are red and those slit skirts

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Palin’s always wearing those slit skirts, slit skirts
Practically bare in those slit skirts, slit skirts
She looks obscene in those slit skirts

Romance, romance is Sarah thinking of romance?
She’s like a stripper doing a pole dance
She may as well peel her pants