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As Predicted, Bristol Is Next To Flee Sinking S.S. Palin

Those smiles are now fading.

Yesterday, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off commented upon Thomas Van Flein jumping from the “Good Ship Palin” to work as deputy chief of staff for newly elected Arizona Rep. Paul Gosar. It was noted that Van Flein’s quitting on the “Queen of Quit” was a devastating blow because not only was Van Flein one of only four members of her inner circle, he was also the only Alaskan in that clique. Van Flein realized that the Palin dingy was taking on water as evidenced by so many recent national polls which revealed that Julian Assange (Wikileaks founder) has a better chance of being elected President than Sarah Palin. Before going down with the ship, Van Flein sought the calmer and more temperate waters of Arizona. Today we learned that he was only the first to leave Sarah behind.

In yesterday’s post we speculated that daughter Bristol would be the next rat to flee the distressed Sarah Palin. Guess what? We were correct. The Maricopa Monitor (Arizona) reports today that , “Bristol Palin, the 20-year daughter of former GOP vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, has purchased a 5-bedroom home in Maricopa — closing on the nearly 4,000-square-foot dwelling. Palin purchased the house from Michael and Cynthia Smith for $172,000, records show.”

What is it with Palin defectors and the state of Arizona? Could it be that the climate is that much more appealing or is it something else? Is there a Bristol/Van Flein fling that we don’t know about? Probably not, but with the wacky Palin’s, nothing is beyond speculation. Nevertheless, it is certain that Bristol is trying to separate herself from “Mama Grizzly” (can you blame her?). Their relationship is clearly strained. Remember when Sarah publicly made her feelings known about the short-lived Bristol/Levi reunion? Remember when Bristol took pot shots at her mother on “Dancing With The Stars” by choosing songs such as “Mama Told Me Not To Come” and “You Can’t Hurry Love”? It is only a matter of time before one of them writes her own version of “Mommie/Daughter Dearest”. The only question is, who will be the ghostwriter? Neither Sarah nor Bristol is very erudite after all.

Another question is just how will Bristol support herself and baby Tripp now that she has her new crib? It will be an awful long commute to her full time position at that doctor’s office up in Alaska that Sarah once boasted about. Also, that shell of a political consulting business never really found its legs. And, you cannot appear on reality television shows forever. Or can you? Who knows? Let’s wait for the Facebook announcement.

The more pressing question is, who will be the next rat to flee the sinking S.S. Palin? Is our Todd guess still in play. Only the Shadow knows.

Until we learn more, Lynnrockets wishes all of you loyal “Rocketeers” a very Merry Christmas.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPAOBN4Pt-Y

HAVE YOURSELF A SARAH PALIN CHRISTMAS

(sung to the Christmas song “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”)

Sarah Palin is far away
She’s out making some cash
This is Sarah Palin’s pay day
Just how long will it last?

Have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas
Wink and blink your eyes
Leave the bus
And fly your jet up in the skies

Have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas
Sign books to get paid
Take that dough
From people that you have betrayed

These are not like the olden days
These are golden days for sure
You don’t have to travel by bus
On your marvelous book tour

Come next year
Things will be even better
You’re the cat’s meow
You’ll still have the SarahPAC as your cash cow
So have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas now

(These are not like the olden days)
(These are golden days for sure)
You don’t have to travel by bus
On your marvelous book tour

Come next year
Things will be even better
You’re the cat’s meow
You’ll still have the SarahPAC as your cash cow
So have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas now

Sarah Palin Could Learn A Lesson From Paul Bunyan

Sarah Palin’s most recent spoken blunder may have simply been a slip of the tongue. When she said on Glenn Beck‘s radio show last Wednesday that “We gotta stand with our North Korean allies”, it quite possibly could have been a mere understandable gaffe. Then again, there is the pretty good chance that she simply did not know which Korea is our ally. After all, as John McCain’s staff members informed us last year, Sarah Palin thought that Africa was a country and not a continent. You may also recall that the ex-quitting former half-term Governor of Alaska mistakenly thought that Kodiak was the largest island in the United States and mistakenly thought that “Mama Grizzly” endorsee John “Lasers In The Sky” Raese was running for a Pennsylvania U.S. Senate seat. The list of Sarah Palin’s examples of geographic ignorance of course, goes on and on.

Palin’s knowledge of politics and law is also often called into question. No matter how many times she attempts to comment upon the right to freedom of speech, she gets it completely wrong. She simply does not understand that the Constitution only protects a person’s right to free speech from being infringed upon by the government and not from private entities such as employers. Hence, her defense of such persons such as Carrie Prejean, Laura Schlessinger and herself on those grounds is entirely misplaced. Palin has made another one of these blunders in her new book “America By Heart”. ABC‘s John Berman reports of an historical error with regard to Palin’s BFF’s, the “Founding Fathers”. Berman reveals,

On page 189 of “America by Heart,” Palin is in the midst of a lengthy and thoughtful discussion about the role of religion in America, and American history.  Among other things, she spends time praising Mitt Romney for his speeches on this subject. But on page 189, she is writing about the opinions of Founding Father John Adams, including his famous quotation, “we have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion.” Her mistake is not in her analysis of the importance of faith to John Adams. No, her error came in claiming that he had been a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention.”

You see, John Adams did not take part in the Constitutional Convention. He was Ambassador to Great Britain at the time. Consequently, despite what Palin wrote, John Adams was in fact, not a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention”. Sarah Palin however, as we all know by now, never lets the facts get in the way of her fairy tales.

Another example of  Sarah Palin’s ignorance was demonstrated by her most recent Twitter tweet. In response to this week’s Wikileaks release of classified information, Palin tweeted,

“Inexplicable: I recently won in court to stop my book ‘America by Heart’ from being leaked, but US Govt can’t stop Wikileaks’ treasonous act?”

Let’s get this straight. Wikileaks is a Swedish website which is owned and operated by an Australian national. Inasmuch as treason is defined as “the offense of attempting by overt acts to overthrow the government of the state to which the offender owes allegiance“, it seems obvious that Australian Julien Assange could not be charged with such by the United States of America. But really, could we honestly expect Sarah Palin to demonstrate any kind of knowledge of the law?

Stanley Crouch of the New York Daily News made a great observation in Monday’s edition. He suggested that Sarah Palin should be subjected to the mythical Paul Bunyan treatment. According to Crouch and folklore, Paul Bunyan “lived somewhere as a logger in the cold north. When his fellow loggers spewed one curse word after another during winter, the dirty words would freeze in the air and fall to the ground. Bunyan went around and collected them. They were deposited in separate barrels with the names of the men who had done all of the cursing. When spring came around, Bunyan gave each of the men his barrel and they had to sit there as the ice melted and the shouts of every unmentionable word burst back into the air. That cured the loggers.”

Crouch suggests that “Sarah Palin is a political version of those loggers. She would certainly go deaf if every one of her purported facts were frozen, then melted back into life precisely when she was least prepared to explain the machine-gunning series of tall tales as they exploded into the air again in an intentional act of retribution.” If only fantasy could become reality.

For those of you that are interested, Sarah Palin’s money-grubbing nine-day, 16-city book signing tour is underway. She was grifting in Houston, Texas and Metairie, Louisiana yesterday and will be in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and Little Rock, Arkansas today. Today’s song parody is inspired by by her current gravy-train.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

TURN THE PAGE

(sung to the Bob Seger song “Turn The Page”)

On a long and lonesome highway
East of Wasilla
Do we even need to mention
Palin travels with her throng
She’s a winkin’ blinkin’ woman
Who dresses like a sidewalk whore

The big country she is wandering
On book-tour number two
Sarah’s signing books for hours
And she’s counting all her loot
Still, her poll numbers are slidin’
And there’s not much she can do

Hey, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page

Sarah slithers in a Border’s Books
And she mounts her throne
Her supporters in a long queue
They’re donating all they own
They consider it loyalty dues
Tribute  their queen is owed

Most times when you hear her talk
You can’t understand
All those nonsense clichés
Formed in Palin-Land
For those blatant gaffes and blunders
She earns one-hundred grand

Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page

Palin loves the spotlight
Maybe more than Tina Fey
Despite all of her energy
Her fame will fade away
She will become a nobody
Just a slice of yesterday

Sarah’s selfish scheming
And the hate-speak that she spreads
Along with all of those blatant liars,
Fox News talking heads
The Tea Party’s new Penthouse Pet
Sounds like “Uncle Jed”

Ah, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page
Ya, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
There she goes