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Michele Bachmann Is Unquestionably An Idiot.

Every once in a great while even Fox News gets it right. On Sunday, while being interviewed by Chris Wallace, Michele Bachmann was asked, “Are you a flake?” She failed to answer the question. The very next day however, on the eve of her official presidential announcement, Bachmann incorrectly identified movie star John Wayne’s origins in an attempt to draw a parallel between her and the American icon. She said,

“I want them to know just like John Wayne is from Waterloo Iowa, that’s the spirit I have too. It’s embracing America. It’s sacrificing for America.”

Problem is, John Wayne the actor never lived in Waterloo, Iowa. The only notable John Wayne that ever lived there was John Wayne Gacy, the notorious serial killer. Gacy, known as “the clown killer” was found guilty of 33 murders in the Chicago area in 1980 and died by lethal injection in 1994.

This is just the latest in a string of embarrassing gaffes made by Michele “Moonbat-Crazy” Bachmann. You might also recall that the Minnesota Rep. said that “The Shot Heard Round The World” which started the American Revolutionary War was fired in New Hampshire. Of course it was actually fired in Massachusetts. Another time she said, “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.” Apparently Bachmann did not know that most of those founding fathers were slave owners and that slavery was not abolished in this country until some 90 after those men drafted the Declaration of Independence.

If nothing else, the 2012 Republican Presidential campaign will be entertaining so long as Bachmann is around. Who needs Sarah Palin?

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Michele song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKvee-w0uBc

MICHELE

(Sung to the Beatles song “Michele”)

Michele, from Hell
These are words that go together well,
Weird Michelle.

Michele, do tell,
Do you even possess one brain cell
One tiny cell?

Just shut up, just shut up, just shut up
You have nothing to say
Would you just go away
And crawl back under that rock from whence you
Ca-ame yesterday.

Michele, Oh well,
You’ve been put under a right-wing spell
A sure death knell

On Fox News, on Fox News, on Fox News
That’s where you’ll always be
Republican TV
With Hannity and O’Reilly
And Coulter, the queen

We mock you…

We want you, we want you, we want you,
To leave the air-waves now
And lose your job somehow
Until you do we’re telling you so
You’ll understand.

Michele, farewell
Take with you that foul sulfuric smell
Sulfuric smell.

We will say the only words we know that
You’ll understand, “Go to Hell.”

Wacky Bachmann Out-Crazies Failin’ Palin And Announces Presidential Run

Bachmann and Bat-Boy Separated at Birth

How fitting that moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann will announce her presidential candidacy in Waterloo (Iowa, that is). Her campaign after all, should have about as much success as did Napoleon’s in the Waterloo which is now part of Belgium. Disaster is surely in the cards and is there anything more mesmerizing than viewing a car-wreck on the highway? Who would have thought that the wackiest Republican presidential candidate would be someone other than Sarah Palin?

Sarah Palin has long been the darling of the Tea Baggers. That was natural in that she and they shared an affinity for misspelling and the misunderstanding of such things as Medicare, the United States Constitution and a proper dress code (Naughty Monkey cork-heeled shoes or tri-cornered hat with powdered wig?). Palin truly spoke the language of the educationally-challenged and the Tea Baggers understood it.

But something funny happened on the way to Tea Party stardom. Tea Partiers (and the American population as a whole) began to lose interest in the “Quitter on Twitter”. The first sign of this was when Palin’s “favorable” ratings began to drop in poll after poll. Additionally, her second ghost-written book did not sell nearly as well as her first and the corresponding cross-country book tour was not well attended by devotees. The final straw may have been her disastrous video response to the Tucson shootings. Even her co-workers at Fox News realized that her “The Real Victim Of The Tucson Shootings Was Me!” speech did not resonate well with anyone. Consequently, they invited her to an immediate soft-ball interview with Sean Hannity in an attempt to resurrect her credibility. Unfortunately (for her), that failed also, too. Shortly thereafter, Palin was crushed by Mitt(wit) Romney in a New Hampshire straw poll heavily attended by Tea Partiers. Since then, she has not finished atop a poll of likely GOP presidential contenders even once. In short, it appears that the Tea Party has “refudiated” Sarah Palin.

During the entire period that the former ex-quitting half-term Gov. of Alaska was basking in the national limelight, Michele Bachmann was busy building a Tea Bagging base of her own. She shared all the same misguided beliefs and encouraged all the same ill-conceived policies as Palin, but she was not in everyone’s face all the time. She did not post a Facebook comment or Twitter tweet in response to any word uttered by President Obama or the “lamestream” media. She did not appear in her own un-reality television series. And, she did not get into a war of words with every comedian that dared mention her name (i.e. David Letterman, Kathy Griffin and Bill Maher).

Bachmann’s plan to capture the Tea Party crown was more conventional than Palin’s. She was already a Washington insider inasmuch as she is a three term Representative from Minnesota. She capitalized on her elected office by forming the Congressional “Tea Party Caucus”. She is also fruitcake-nutty enough to appeal to radical Tea Baggers. You might recall that she advocated for a McCarthyesque investigation of members of Congress to determine if they are anti-American. She heartily agreed with Sarah Palin regarding her “death panel” lie. She fell hook, line and sinker for an internet rumor that President Obama’s 2010 trip to Asia cost $200 miilion per day and that he would be accompanied by 34 warships. She said that teenagers should pay their employers for the privilege of working instead of receiving the minimum wage and she said that being gay is “part of Satan”. She also displayed a complete lack of knowledge of American history when she proclaimed that the famous “Shot Heard Round the World” was fired in New Hampshire. (BTW, for you Teapublicans and Boston Herald readers, the shot was fired at the Battle of Lexington and Concord in Massachusetts).  Like Palin’s sniper-sight symbolism, Bachmann also utilizes violent rhetoric such as when she said she wanted Minnesotans “armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back.” All of that is highly digestible stuff for the Tea Party.

Nonetheless, if you have not yet been convinced that Michele Bachmann is kookoo for cocoa puffs, just take a look at some of her more memorable quotes as compiled by The Huffington Post:

  • And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”
  • “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?”
  • “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”
  • “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”
  • [Gay marriage] is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.”
  • “Normalization [of gayness] through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: ‘I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.’”
  • “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”
  • “It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas…Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?”
  • “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.”

There is no doubt that Michele Bachmann can match Sarah Palin in the “Tea Party Two-Step” move for move. Indeed, the Bachmann campaign even stole away Palin’s debate coach. Is that crazy enough for you? Think about that for a moment. Michele Bachmann actually wants to be coached by the person that is highly responsible for some of the all-time worst (yet laugh-out-loud hilarious) debate and interview performances in televised history. Remember when during the Vice Presidential debate, Palin was unable to provide a single policy solution for the financial crisis, the economy in general, health care or the war on terror? She gave little more than promises of reform and “maverick”-y governance. How about her “All of ‘em any of ‘em” response to the question “…what newspapers and magazines do you read…?”. Some of that must be blamed on the coach. Perhaps we will get an early indication of the prowess of her new coach if Bachmann accepts the challenge to debate one of those high-schoolers who have recently criticized her lack of history and scientific knowledge (See, “Kids vs. Bachmann. Score: Kids 2 Bachmann 0“).

Michele Bachmann’s candidacy is sure to amuse us for many months ahead. Stay tuned. Same Bat-Crazy time! Same Bat-Crazy channel!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Flintstones television theme song link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Flintstones.html

BACHMANN

(sung to the television theme song “The Flinstones”)

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
A Congresswoman that is bat crazy
She and Sarah Palin
Driving voters from the G.O.P.

She can’t form a sentence that’s complete
Now she’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
Hates Blacks, children and those that are gay
She is clearly brain dead
Can’t seem to get out of her own way

She talks right through the rain, snow and sleet
Every single thought is incomplete

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Exposed during prime time

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