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Rick Santorum Was A Frothy Candidate

As you all know by know. Republican Presidential candidate Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum quit the race yesterday. He will be missed. The GOP clown-car full of candidates has now been reduced to three. This insane asylum of characters once included, Tim “Good ‘n” Pawlenty, Michele “The Founding Fathers Worked Tirelessly To End Slavery” Bachmann, Herman “Raising” Cain, Jon “Who” Huntsman and Rick “Dumber Than Bush” Perry. We were also teased with the potential candidacies of Donald “Birther” Trump and Sarah “Death Panels” Palin. Still, Santorum will be missed.

No longer is there an extreme homophobe in the race who can vomit out the sort of frothy mixture of ignorance and fear that Santorum had mastered. No longer is there a racist who believes only black people receive entitlement benefits. No longer is there a candidate who believes that parents who desire to send their children to college are “snobs”. No longer is there a person who throws-up when he reads president Kennedy’s speech about the separation of church and state. Finally, no longer is there a candidate who advocates that young Americans put a “Santorum” bumper sticker on their car to serve their country rather than putting-on a military uniform.

Political Humor/About.com has compiled a wonderful list of these and other moonbat-crazy Rick Santorum quotes as follows:

1. “In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.” —Rick Santorum , speaking to a reporter in 2003, who said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was going to talk about ‘man on dog’ with a United States senator, it’s sort of freaking me out.”

2. “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country…. Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s okay, contraception is okay. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” —Rick Santorum, interview with CaffeinatedThoughts.com (October 2011)

3. “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.” —Rick Santorum, campaigning for president in Iowa (January 2012)

4. “President Obama wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob … Oh, I understand why he wants you to go to college. He wants to remake you in his image.” –Rick Santorum, speaking to a Tea Party group in Michigan (February 2012)

5. “Earlier in my political career, I had the opportunity to read the speech, and I almost threw up.” –Rick Santorum, on JFK’s 1960 speech about the importance of separation of church and state (October 2011)

6. “The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn’t want to answer — is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, ‘We’re going to decide who are people and who are not people.’” —Rick Santorum, CNS News interview (January 2011)

7. “I think the Democrats are actually worried he (Obama) may go to Indonesia and bow to more Muslims.” –Rick Santorum, Fox News interview (May 2010)

8. “[Gay marriage] is an issue just like 9-11… We didn’t decide we wanted to fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It was brought to us. And if not now, when? When the supreme courts in all the other states have succumbed to the Massachusetts version of the law?” –Rick Santorum, interview with the Allentown Morning Call (February 2004)

9. “Is anyone saying same-sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?” –Rick Santorum, in a Philadelphia Inquirer column (May 2008)

10. “The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical. And that is what the perception is by the American Left who hates Christendom. … What I’m talking about is onward American soldiers. What we’re talking about are core American values.” –Rick Santorum, campaigning for president in South Carolina (February 2011)

Bonus quote:
“We have brave men and women who are willing to step forward because they know what’s at stake. They’re willing to sacrifice their lives for this great country. What I’m asking all of you tonight is not to put on a uniform. Put on a bumper sticker. Is it that much to ask? Is it that much to ask to step up and serve your country?” —Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), during his losing 2006 re-election bid, urging supporters to put a Rick Santorum bumper sticker on their cars.

Ahh Rick, we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have much more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Another One Bites The Dust” song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krfEcvBfUY4

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

 (sung to the Queen song “Another One Bites The Dust”)

Rick walks warily down Wall Street
He now has nowhere to go
Santorum knows the taste of defeat
The lights went down on his show

Was he ready?
Was he ready for this?
To hide his face and flee in retreat?
Rick wasted every bargaining chip
Now he’s facing the heat

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Same is true for Bachmann too
Another one bites the dust

Rick Perry was a clown who didn’t belong
Pawlenty’s been long gone
Herman Cain was just a philandering cad
Huntsman was just an unknown

Are they happy, are they satisfied?
They all looked bad in defeat
They all were given the ol’ pink slip
Now they’re out on the street

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, when will Gingrich be through?
Another one bites the dust

(misinformation break)

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust

There are plenty of ways you can beat this clan
And bring them to the ground
You can beat ‘em
And defeat ‘em
It is really sad, they are all such wimpy clowns
They’re unsteady,  they’re completely unglued
A pile of homophobic meat
Mitt Romney’s known to flop and to flip
Paul is old and so obsolete

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, the G.O.P. is through
Another one bites the dust

The Charade Is Over: Trump No More Than A Lump

America has spoken to Donald Trump and they said, “You’re fired!”

The most recent poll from Politico and George Washington University indicates more than two-thirds of Americans think the Republican bankrupt-business mogul and reality television host has “no chance” of ever winning the White House. CNN reports that the poll which was released Monday, shows 71 percent think a Trump candidacy is a non-starter while only 26 percent think there is a chance the reality television star could beat President Obama. The Politico/GWU poll surveyed 1,000 likely voters from May 8-12 and carries a sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points.

To add insult to injury, those numbers numbers follow a similarly-poor showing for Trump in a CNN/Opinion Research Corp. poll released last week. That survey showed Trump has an unfavorable rating of 64 percent and would lose to Obama by 22 points in a general election matchup.

Will The Donald look as miserable when he hears this news as he did at the White House Correspondents Dinner while both President Obama and Seth Meyers were lambasting him? Apparently so, because he announced yesterday that he will not run for the presidency. He has chickened-out, but not without some bravado. Indeed, he said, “I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election.”

Donald Trump lives in a fantasy land. Honestly, think about this simple question for a moment; how could Americans ever trust Trump to handle the economy when he is about the only person in the world who could not make a profit by owning casinos. It looks like America has exercised its right to choice and it has elected to abort the birther.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Big Bad John song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWKGhwwVgKY

BIG DUMB DON

(sung to the Johnny Cash song “Big Bad John”)

Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Every Tuesday at nine, you will see him arrive
He stands 6 foot 5, weighs 289
A reality show host who’s not very hip
He fires contestants if they should give him any lip, he’s Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

He wears a toupee atop his big dome
Donald Trump acts like a clown, still he seeks the throne
A dim-witted putz, he’s not a bright guy
Claims he robbed Quadafi but that’s a lie – Dumb Don
The nit-wit hails from the borough called Queens
And he has managed to file too many bankruptcies
Filed so many you can’t count them on one hand
Yet Trump still thinks he’ll lead the country to the promised land – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Head made of clay and he loses every dime
He owned a football team that lost all the time
Built a casino, it did not last
Then the taxpayers bailed out his sorry ass – Dumb Don
Through the dust and the smoke as his empire fell
Crawled this maggot of a man that will soon rot in hell
Called a willing banker and he begged for a loan
But when asked for collateral he said “it’s all been blown” – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

And now Donald Trump thinks that the Lord up above
Will stroke his election dreams with a velvet glove
Yet little does he know that he can’t be saved
Donald’s campaign is headed to the grave – Dumb Don
Don Trump won’t earn his seat in DC Town
Let’s all watch his big smile turn to a frown
And as The Donald learns life is unkind
All of us just knew it was the end of the line, for Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Let’s hope that we are done with this worthless twit
Even Tea-Baggers know Trump’s an idiot
If only the future could be planned
We would love to say, “You’re Fired!” to this shell of a man – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Trump/Palin 2012 – “You’re Fired/I Quit”

The American public has spoken loud and clear. They do not want either Sarah Palin or Donald Trump as president. The most recent Quinnipiac University poll reveals that the vast majority of American voters believe that both the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska and the bankrupt billionaire are unacceptable candidates for the highest of elected offices.

A whopping 58% of those polled said they would never vote for Palin or Trump. Ouch! That is going to leave a mark. Peter Brown, the Assistant Director of the Quinnipiac Polling Institute believes that both reality television hosts have done a disservice to themselves in the manner in which they portray themselves to the public. He said, “Sarah Palin and Donald Trump suffer from the reality that, as our mothers told us, ‘You never get a second chance to make a first impression.’”

The breakdown of the poll is as follows. A staggering 91% of Democrats said they would never vote for Sarah Palin along with 58% of Independents and 24% of Republicans who agreed. The numbers were not much better for Trump. A full 81% of Democrats said they would never vote for him along with 58% of Independents and 32% of Republicans who shared that sentiment.

These poor numbers for Palin and Trump are not surprising in light of  the fact that each of them possesses little to no political acumen. This has been demonstrated multiple times by Palin in her gaffe-filled televised interviews and by Trump by means of his “birther” obsession. Additionally, each of their most recent public appearances has only added to the public perception that they are pitiable non-factors in the serious world of politics. Donald Trump was made a laughingstock by President Obama at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner and Sarah Palin was photographed in a food-stained outfit and giant clown shoes at the same event.

 

Americans have decided that neither Palin nor Trump are presidential material. But what of the other potential GOP hopefuls? The Quinnipiac poll revealed that Massachusett’s Mitt Romney and Arkansas’ Mike Huckabee are in the best shape. The aforementioned Brown also stated that some of the other potential candidates such as Tim Pawlenty and Mitch Daniels may appeal to voters with the passage of time. He said, “Many of the relative unknowns could have large upsides if they can get out their messages, since they will not have to erase a bad first impression. It is always easier to make a good first impression than to change an existing negative one.”

The initial negative impression will prove to be the downfall of Caribou Barbie and The Donald. Misery loves company, so perhaps Palin and Trump should consider running as a team under the banner of the Tea Party. The bumper stickers could read: “Trump/Palin – You’re Fired/I Quit”!

CONRATULATIONS TO THOSE PESKY BOSTON BRUINS FOR THEIR GAME 3 WIN OVER THE PHILADELPHIA FLYERS LAST NIGHT! HERE’S HOPING WE CAN GET OUT THE BROOMS ON FRIDAY!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

“I Got You Babe” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylGrQVL774k

I GOT YOU BABE

 (sung to the Sonny and Cher song “I Got You Babe”)

[Palin:] They say we’re dumb and we don’t know,
But there’s no doubt that we have lots of dough.
[Trump:] Well, they make fun of my hairdo,
But Sarah P., they call you “Caribou”

[Trump:]  Babe
[Both:] I got you babe. I got you babe

[Palin:]  Those “death panels” I did invent,
You went bankrupt and barely had one cent.
[Trump:]  I guess that’s so, we’ve both been caught,
And now its clear we really don’t know squat.

[Trump:]  Babe
[Both:] I got you babe. I got you babe

[Trump:]  You are the yang to my ying,
You be queen and I’ll be king.
[Palin:]  They say I’m mad, you’re a clown,
That I cannot tell a verb from a noun.

[Palin:]  They all now say that you were wrong,
That “birther” thing will be your last swan-song
[Trump:]  Don’t fret for me, I will be fine,
But you’re show was dumped, you’re not on prime-time

[Trump:]  Babe
[Both:] I got you babe. I got you babe

[Trump:]  You write crib-notes on your hand
[Palin:]  You got Gary Busey canned
[Trump:]  You thought you were “mavericky”
[Palin:]  You cheat like Dick Dastardly
[Trump:]  Your kids run wild every night
[Palin:]  You can’t even keep a wife
[Trump:]  The First Dude is sure to go
[Palin:]  I love to watch your ego grow

[Both:]  I got you babe
I got you babe
I got you babe
I got you babe
I got you babe

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