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Palins Await Levi Johnston Tell-All

We have been wondering for months when Levi Johnston’s tell-all tome about Sarah Palin would emerge. Until now, all we had to go on was an interview with Johnston which appeared last year in New York Magazine. At the time, Levi said he was working on a memoir that would air the true story of the Palin household. “They’re never around each other,” Johnston said of Sarah and Todd. “It’s like they hate each other but they don’t want anyone to know it. I think they were gonna get a divorce, but then they were like, ‘Let’s not prove them right.’  I’ve never seen them sleep in the same room, he’s always on this little recliner. For years, they never really talked.” He also told the magazine that he’s not surprised Palin is cashing in. “When she lost, I knew exactly what she was gonna do,” he says. “The whole time she was getting big-money offers for book and TV shows. I was like, All right, she’s gonna pick that up. It was just a matter of time before she quit. I know everything there is to know about her,” Johnston adds. “She’s so fake. But she’s so good at it, too. She’s amazing at it. If I didn’t know it, I wouldn’t know the difference.”

Then, back in April of this year, it was announced that the book would be titled “Dear In The Headlights: My Life In Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs”. Johnston’s manager Tank Johnston told Radar Online, “Levi is going to talk about everybody, including Sarah Palin, and the rest of the family”. It was reported that the book would include stories about his former fiance and mother of his child, Bristol Palin as well. It was also reported that the book will include previously unreleased photos and stories of his intimate, rocky, suddenly public life with the Palins.

Soon thereafter, Bristol Palin released her own book in which she brazenly attacked Levi Johnston. Bristol said that her virginity was “stolen” by Levi one night while she was drunk on wine coolers during a camping trip (Hmm, wonder if that’s where the name Tripp came from?). She does not use the word “rape”, so we must deduce that the tryst was consensual. Nonetheless, she goes on to write, “I could tell by the evidence in the tent that all of my plans, my promises, and my moral standards had disappeared in one awful night in a series of bad decisions.” Those bad decisions continued however, because she then tells us that she was later surprised to learn that she was pregnant at 17 years old despite the fact that she “had been on birth control.”

Bristol Palin then described Johnston as a disloyal boyfriend who had “romps with other girls”. When confronted, he showered her with gifts, including Coach purses, Abercrombie clothing, and designer rain boots. In return, she forgave Johnston and started sleeping with him again with the hope that he would stop cheating. “It was part ‘thank you,’ part ‘security deposit,” she wrote. Bristol even went so far as to ridicule Levi Johnston’s intelligence. She pointedly made fun of his grammar and misspellings in notes to her. This is particularly humorous when you consider that it is being said by a high school drop-out who required the help of a co-writer for her memoir.

The Bristol Palin accusations are sure to have sharpened the pencil of Levi for his book which is due to be released in a week or two. Indeed, the Wall Street Journal reports that according to a copy of the book obtained by the Associated press, “Bristol’s teenage pregnancy was intentional and Sarah Palin wanted to adopt the couple’s child to “avoid scandal” but the young couple would not allow it.” Gossip Center reports that the book says that “Bristol was so angered by her mother, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s 2008 pregnancy with her Trig, that she actually convinced the Playgirl to get her pregnant as revenge a month before her mom’s due date.”

Will Levi truly go on the attack in his book and reveal some blockbuster Palin dirty laundry? Will he describe a true day-in-the-life of the Wasilla Hillbillies? Will he end, once and for all, Sarah Palin’s hopes for elected office? Let’s hope so. In the meantime, all we can do is wait for the book’s release.

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link:


(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Is your head made of clay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Hollywood Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said , “my book is gonna be a good read”

Christ you know Levi’s teasing,
His book will earn him a fee
And he loves annoying
His mother-in-law to be

Earning every penny for a rainy day,
Starring in his book is “Baby T”,
Know what Sarah said?
“Soon he will be dead!”
But then she will be haunted by his ghost – Think!

Maybe she’ll have Levi arrested.
Palin dignity in free-fall.
Young Bristol will claim,
“He’s stealing my fame,”
“He really has no talent at all”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Is Palin Facing A Birth Certificate Issue Of Her Own? Somebody Call Donald Trump And The Birthers!

Birthers of a different kind.

Since the birth of her son Trig sometime in 2008, there have been questions raised in the blogosphere and in some remote corners of the main stream media about whether Sarah Palin faked that particular pregnancy. Queries have been made as to whether her co-workers ever noticed if she looked pregnant. The credibility of Palin’s story that her water broke while in Texas and yet she still elected to take a very lengthy and risky flight back to Alaska (during which she failed to mention the situation to flight staff) to have a baby (which she allegedly knew had Down Syndrome and was 6 weeks premature) at one of two different hospitals where she claims he was born has been questioned. There is a question about photos of the baby having a malformed ear and then other photos wherein the ear appears to look normal.

Is this stuff conspiracy theory or is there some meat on this bone? Who knows, but now after the release by the State of Alaska of some 24,000 emails which Palin attempted to block, there is added fuel to the babygate fire. reports that “Andrew Sullivan and others who have read one of Sarah Palin’s newly released emails think it supports the theory that her Trig pregnancy was a hoax.”

A few days after Trig’s birth in 2008, Sarah Palin transmitted an email to family and friends in which she pretended to be the voice of God commenting on the subject. Sullivan contends that the newly released emails show that the “God” email was actually written 11 days before it was sent. It was therefore written about 7 weeks before Trig’s expected due date (he was born 6 weeks early). It was also written about a week before Palin’s water allegedly broke, signalling that the baby would be born prematurely. The email in question however, says in pertinent part,

“I let Trig’s mom have an exceptionally comfortable pregnancy so she could enjoy every minute of it, and I even seemed to rush it along so she could wait until near the end to surprise you with the news…” states that Andrew Sullivan queries as to how Sarah Palin would “know 6 weeks before the due date and 1 week before her water broke that the pregnancy would be “exceptionally comfortable” and that God would seem to “rush it along”…unless she knew the outcome?” Sullivan also points out “that the “God” letter was reprinted almost verbatim in Palin’s book Going Rogue… except that the phrase ‘rush it along’ was struck from the text.”

Hmmm, now that is some spicy stuff. Is it possible that the failed 2008 Republican Vice Presidential candidate and potential 2012 Presidential candidate has been lying to the American people? Who knows, but one thing is certain, Palin could end the controversy merely by releasing Trig’s birth certificate which would provide the date and place of birth as well as the names of the parents. Palin must understand this. After-all, the former ex-quitting half-term Gov. of Alaska joined the Tea Party in questioning not only President Barack Obama’s place of birth, but also the legitimacy of the birth certificate which he released.

Somebody please call Donald Trump and the Birthers to finally put this story to rest!

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Birthday song link:


(sung to the Beatles song “Birthday”)

They deny his birthplace
Hawaii says “screw ye!”
Racists in the first place
“Stop wasting all of our time”
“We’ve confirmed his birthplace”
Birthers don’t have a clue

Birthers are a part of the Tea Party
They are dumber than Laurel and Hardy
Birthers are a part of the Tea Party

They have all had a chance – Birthers
At a certificate glance – Birthers
Too dumb to zip up their pants – Birthers

(fact denial break)

Less grey matter than plants – Birthers
Repeating racist rants – Birthers
Too dumb to zip up their pants – Birthers

They deny his birthplace
Hawaii says “screw ye!”
Racists in the first place
“Stop wasting all of our time”
“We’ve confirmed his birthplace”
Birthers don’t have a clue