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Christine O’Donnell Is Not A Foxy Lady

What could have been.

This may be the end of the line. Sad but true. This may be the final Lynnrockets post about Christine O’Donnell. The “Witchy Woman” was, without doubt, the most hilarious Teapublican crackpot to burst on the scene since Sarah Palin. Indeed, she out-Palined Sarah Palin. Her non-masturbatory brand of satan-worshiping, evolution-denying witchcraft easily trumped Palin’s copyright protected re-loaded, death-panel inspired Mama-Grizzlies. Heck, Christine O’Donnell was Sarah Palin on steroids.

Unfortunately (only for the laughs, mind you), Christine O’Donnell lost her bid for a Delaware Senate seat. She was crushed by Democrat Chris Coons and with her defeat, we were denied our daily dose of O’Donnell insanity. To lose our amusement so abruptly was as painful as a heroin addict’s anguish from going cold turkey. Oh, the humanity!

Suddenly however, there was a glimmer of hope. The rumor mill was churning and there was word that Fox News might come to the rescue. Christine O’Donnell might be given a spot on “Fox and Friends” or a regular guest host position on Glenn Beck’s comedy show or Bill O’Reilly’s tabloid news program. It all made sense. O’Donnell had previously announced that she had Sean Hannity “in her pocket”. She is clearly as dumb or dumber than the other Fox talking heads. Best of all, Sarah Palin was already on-board with Fox. it would have been a true “Mother Grizzly and Child Reunion” (Hey, there might be song parody in that one).

Alas, our hopes have been dashed. Fox News has reported that it “has no plans to hire her.” To paraphrase President Richard Nixon, “We won’t have Christine O’Donnell to kick around anymore”. Christine O’Donnell, we hardly knew ye.

Excuse me. What’s that? Hold on loyal readers, some new information is coming in through my tinfoil hat…

BREAKING NEWS: The rumors of Christine O’Donnell’s premature demise might have been exaggerated. The non-self-flagellating O’Donnell appeared on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on Wednesday and said she’s fielding plenty of job offers. She said they range from “Anything from a book deal to a reality show.” She went on to explain, “I am not necessarily interested in a reality show…I would like to do something like a watchdog-type show.”

Oh, happy day! It looks like we may have the opportunity to have a lot more fun at Christine O’Donnell’s expense after all.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down Palin and Romney too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking the brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Maher is now the snitch
Who threw the breaking pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!