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Spread The Butter Cuz Sarah Palin Is Toast

 

If you're finished and you know it, clap your hands!

 

To all the Palinbots out there, it is time to face the ugly truth. Sarah Palin is no longer the flavor of the month. Her moment has passed. Her star has flamed out. Her influence has waned. She is quickly becoming an “also ran”. A loser.

Like so many flashes in the pan before her, Sarah Palin captured the attention of this nation for a short while. When she was chosen as John McCain’s running-mate in 2008, nobody had ever heard of her. That anonymity alone made her interesting. “Who is this person that may be second in line for the presidency?” the national media and the rest of us wondered.

The interest increased on a daily basis as more and more of her dirty little secrets were revealed. The “abstinence only” born again Christian has a pregnant unwed teen daughter? It took her 6 years at 5 mediocre colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree? She tried to have her brother-in-law fired from his job as an Alaskan State Trooper? She inquired about banning books at the local library? She had a witch doctor drive demons from her body? She chose her children’s names by throwing a dart at a dictionary page? (OK, we made that one up, but it fits in perfectly well with the rest). You have to admit, this was interesting stuff. Sarah Palin’s life resembled the perfect marriage between a Lifetime channel cable TV movie and an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies.

“Enquiring minds” wanted to know about every wacky detail of this crazy woman’s entertaining life. We were not disappointed. Soon we learned about “bridges to nowhere” and “thanks but no thanks”. Her disastrous nationally televised interviews gave us the hilarious gifts of “you can see Russia from Alaska”, “I’ll have’ta get back to ya on that”, and the now famous “all of ’em any of ’em”. She even introduced us to some new sidekicks such as the “pitbull with lipstick”, “Joe Sixpack” and her new BFF, “Joe the Plumber”.

Despite the fact that Palin’s antics entertained us throughout the presidential campaign, the fact is that a vast majority of Americans did not take her seriously. Her ticket lost in an epic landslide and it would have been best for America if she disappeared ala Dan Quayle. But such was not the case. We may have been done with Palin, but she was not done with us. In short, she refused to go away.

She found a willing loudspeaker for her hate-fueled radically conservative rhetoric at the insane asylum known as Fox News. The network’s uneducated, brainwashed audience rabidly ingested every unintelligible sentence that Palin vomited. Sarah Palin became the pied piper of the misinformed masses and she relished her status. So, in July 2009 she quit her day job as Governor of Alaska (after only having served for one half of one term), hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir and embarked on a nationwide fee-based book signing and public speaking tour. Always in demand, Palin spoke at such prestigious events as the Liquor Wholesalers Convention, the Bowling Convention and the highly coveted Battery Back-up Sump Pump Convention. The sky was the limit.

There was one little problem, however. The national Republican leadership was not so enamored with Palin. After having just been trounced in the nationwide elections, the G.O.P. was inclined to distance itself somewhat from this eccentric curiosity in its quest to rebuild a solid constituency. The party leadership did not want to consider the possibility of Sarah Palin representing them on the Sunday morning television news programs. They moved on.

Enter the Tea Party. The misinformed masses that watch Fox News and listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann “the Man” Coulter and Laura Ingraham began to gather their pitchforks and torches and coalesce around the idea that they could take over the Republican Party and reform it in their image of racism, violence, fear and anarchy. Sarah Palin encouraged this malleable group of uneducated nitwits with talk of “death panels”, “reloading” and the “lamstream media” It was all “us against them” and the Tea-Baggers not only took the poison, but they appointed Sarah Palin as their de-facto Queen.

She willingly accepted the title. Then, when Palin learned of the sophomoric means of communication known as “The Twitter” and “Facebook”, she began to issue edicts to her minions on a daily basis and in a crude form of semi-English that they could understand. She ordered them to support her hand-picked assortment of radically fringe yet ultimately unelectable candidates who she referred to as “Mama Grizzlies”. And her subjects followed orders.

The Palin led Tea-Baggers vaulted candidates to primary election victories over mainstream Republican candidates despite their radical (and sometimes insane) objectives such as repealing the 10th and 14th Amendments, privatizing Social Security, removing fluoride from the nation’s water supply, banning abortions for victims of rape and incest, forcing elders to pay $ 2,000.00 Medicare deductibles and “horror of horrors” banning masturbation. Sarah Palin climbed out onto a very thin limb by personally endorsing these very high profile eccentric candidates and by doing so, she put her own credibility on the line.

Palin’s credibility has now been destroyed. On election day the nation’s voters said “no” to Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. The voters said “no” to Christine “Masturbation is Adultery” O’Donnell. The voters said “no” to Linda “Women are Sex Objects” McMahon. The voters said “no” to Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina. The voters said “no” to Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman. The voters said “no” to John “Lasers in the Sky” Raese. The voters said “no” to Sean “Privatize Social Security” Bielat. The voters said “no” to Tom “Let’s Bomb Mecca” Tancredo. The voters said “no” to Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck. The voters said “no” to Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi. And, it looks like the voters will say “no” to Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller. In short, Sarah Palin was “refudiated” in a big way.

Even someone over at ever-friendly Fox News has now turned against Sarah Palin. On Thursday Mort Kondracke said, “She’s a joke even within her own party. The idea that she would be the presidential nominee is unthinkable.”

The lesson learned is that Sarah Palin is widely popular among a small group of radically misinformed fanatics, but her ideas and endorsements carry very little weight with the voting population as a whole. To the mainstream American voter, Sarah Palin is nothing more than an entertaining and curiously magnetic oddity much like the sympathy inducing side-show freaks of days gone by. We like being entertained by her antics but we have no desire to participate in her stage show or to be subject to her leadership in any capacity. That is why most of us hope that she runs for president in 2012. We know that we will enjoy the benefit of being amused while simultaneously being comforted by the fact that she has no chance of damaging the country by being elected.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I’m A Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXHO7hScOCA

SHE’S A LOSER

(sung to the Beatles song “I’m A Loser”)

She’s a loser
She’s a loser
Palin’s just what she appears to be

Of the elections she’s won, more have lost
Tea Party honor has come at a cost
She called both Angle and Miller a friend
But her endorsement hurt them in the end

She’s a loser
And a victim of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
Now she’s hated by the G.O.P.

Sarah P. talks and she acts like a clown
She’s been rejected by nude-boy Scott Brown
The jeers are falling like rain from the sky
She can’t be saved by the wink of her eye

She’s a loser
Like the members of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
And she’s only out to make a fee

(Russia viewing break)

She loves to spread her politics of hate
When she got caught she just quit on her state
Oh yes it’s true, she is in a free fall
Palin is screwed like a fish to the wall

She’s a loser
And she lost again so recently
She’s a loser
For some proof just turn on Fox TV

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Run Sarah, Run !!!

Palin - Gump 2012

Sarah Palin is not the type to disappoint. When the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska gave up on her constiuents and walked away from her job last July, we all worried that we would lose our favorite source of entertainment and target of witty criticism. There was no need to worry however, because she announced that her memoir would soon be released and that there would be a nationwide small hamlet book tour. She delivered in true Palin fashion. The book was a non-fact checked, hilariously poorly written work of fiction and the bus tour turned into a secret private jet tour that nonetheless drew a multitude of bloodthirsty shut-ins into the light of day for all to marvel at. A freak show if you will.

In addition to the book, she also informed the world that her plans were to embark as a featured speaker on the lecture circuit. As a warm-up for this new vocation, she flew off to Hong Kong so as to address a group of investors. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for her services dwindled to the point where she was forced to accept gigs at such spectacular forums as the Bowling Convention and the Wine and Alcohol Wholesalers’ Convention. imagine the fun we will have when the transcripts of those speeches become public?

She then accepted a position as a guest host on the Fox News network. She promptly began to appear on such shows as Hannity, The O’Reilly Factor and The Glenn Beck Show. Needless to say, she fit right in with the Fox menagerie. She was at ease in the comfortable environment of friends and candidly answered such hard hitting questions as, “What is your favorite color?” and “Does it snow a lot up where you live?”. We are sure to have much more fun as she appears regularly on these programs.

Finally, this weekend she was the keynote speaker at the first Tea-Bagging Convention in Nashville. Of course other than Terrible Tom Tancredo, she was just about the only speaker at the event as the result of multiple cancellations. But Sarah Palin came through in spades. During the convention she taped a segment with Fox News in which she announced that she would consider a run for president in 2012 if the situation was right for her family and the nation. Our prayers have almost been answered. CNN reports that she said she would run,

…if I believed that that is the right thing to do for our country and for the Palin family. I think that it would be absurd to not consider what it is that I can potentially do to help our country. I won’t close the door that perhaps could be open for me in the future.

Just imagine all the side splitting laughs we will enjoy as she spars with the likes of Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Tim Pawlenty in Republican primary debates. “Please give me a moment Mr. Romney as a I consult the crib notes on my hand”! “Mr. Gingrich, do you mind if I call you ‘Cute Newt'”? The possibilities are endless. Of course she will also be required to appear on serious Sunday morning news programs such as Face The Nation and Meet The Press. We will all enjoy looking at the puzzled visages of the hosts as she tosses up one of her signature word salads. Not to mention, a long presidential run will also afford Levi Johnston the opportunity to have a book tour of his own as well as the chance to appear on even more gossip minded television shows.

RUN SARAH, RUN !!!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Y-M-C-A song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS9OO0S5w2k

2-0-1-2

(sung to the Village People song “Y-M-C-A”)

Sarah, there’s no need to feel down
I said, Sarah, just because you’re a clown
I said, Sarah, a smile isn’t a frown
There’s no need to be unhappy.

Sarah, you lost a race with McCain
I said, Sarah, you flushed him right down the drain
And you messed up all of your interviews
But you’re still on the nightly news

We’ll all laugh at you in 2-0-1-2
We’ll all laugh at you in 2-0-1-2

We’ll have such a good time when you fall on your face,
And we’ll revel in your disgrace…

We’ll all laugh at you in 2-0-1-2
We’ll all laugh at you in 2-0-1-2

You will have SarahPac, and a new running mate
To help spread Politics of Hate…

Sarah, are you listening to me?
I said, Sarah, you’ll have to go on TV
I said, Sarah, I’m sure we’ll laugh till we pee
And you’ve got to know this one thing!

You make a big ass of yourself
Every time that you open your mouth
You give ammo, to our friend Tina Fey
She just repeats the things you say…

We’ll all laugh at you in 2-0-1-2
We’ll all laugh at you in 2-0-1-2

You’ll get all of the votes from the states that are red
But, the G.O.P. is now dead…

We’ll all laugh at you in 2-0-1-2
We’ll all laugh at you in 2-0-1-2

You can wink and then blink, and twit everyone,
But, you’ll need a fork cuz you’re done…

Sarah, you’ll have a case of the blues
I said, Sarah, has no grasp of world views
But that’s OK, cuz she amuses us,
As we throw her under the bus…

That’s when she will realize that,
Her future, is modeling for “Arctic Cat”
Maybe she’ll host a reality show
If they pay her with enough dough.

We’ll all laugh at her in 2-0-1-2
We’ll all laugh at her in 2-0-1-2

She can wink and then blink, and twit everyone,
But, she’ll need a fork cuz she’s done…

2-0-1-2
We’ll all laugh at her in 2-0-1-2
Sarah, Sarah you’ll wear a big frown
Sarah, Sarah to us you are a clown

2-0-1-2
We’ll all laugh at her in 2-0-1-2
Sarah, Sarah you’ll have a case of the blues
Sarah, Sarah I said, why don’t you just go vamoos.
2-0-1-2

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 28

Just a few noteworthy political meteorites and comments thereon that have been careening around the galaxy this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: The first (maybe annual) Tea-Bagging Convention is taking place this weekend in Nashville. The event is being attended by every uneducated, Fox News watching retard (oops, sorry Sarah) that could scrape up the $ 500.00 admission fee to help fund Sarah Palin’s six figure speaking fee. The opening speaker was former Republican Colorado Senator Tom Tancredo and he was way over the top. Here is a portion of what he said to the grey matter deprived audience,

People who could not even spell the word ‘vote’, or say it in English, put a committed socialist ideologue in the White House. His name is Barack Hussein Obama. So the race for America is on right now. The president and his left-wing allies in Congress are going to look at every opportunity to destroy the Constitution before we have a chance to save it. So put your running shoes on. Because I’ll tell you, I’ve heard we need a revolution. My friends, we already had it. We lost. I mean, what happened to us in that last election was a revolution.

This guy is a racist of the first order. Let’s hope that the rest of the speakers are just as hate filled as Tancredo. If this type of ideology is branded to the Tea-Baggers, the movement will implode sooner than later.

THIS JUST IN: Don’t you wish that John Edwards was Republican so that blogs like this could have some fun?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Republicans Eating Their Own” co-features The Club For Growth and Newt Gingrich. CNN reports the conservative Club for Growth is hitting back at former House Speaker Newt Gingrich for criticizing the small government group during an appearance in Utah for Republican Sen. Bob Bennett. The Club is actively working to defeat Bennett, who is seeking re-election in November. Gingrich said,

I wish the Club for Growth would spend as much time and energy to defeat liberal Democrats as they do dividing Republicans,” Gingrich told a crowd at Bennett’s formal campaign launch, according to the Deseret News. “I try to defeat liberal Democrats. I don’t spend much time trying to defeat Republicans.

The Club For Growth fired back through its president Chris Chocola ( by the way, where do Republicans get these names, Chocola, Boehner,  etc.) who said,

Newt has proven time and again that he will support any Republican, regardless of policies and principles. That’s his right, but the Club for Growth PAC puts principles over party

Keep up the feuding, G.O.P. Divide and collapse.

THIS JUST IN: The Fox News network reports that 75 million people have already attended the Tea -Bagging Convention as of Sunday morning. Glenn Beck predicts that another 200 million will appear for Sarah Palin’s speech.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Flip-Flopping Republicans” features the addle-minded John McCain. Remember in 2006 when he said this about the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy regarding gays in the military,

The day that the leadership of the military comes to me and says, ‘Senator we ought to change the policy’ then I think we ought to seriously consider changing it.

Well, that was then and this is now. Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Mike Mullen (i.e. “leadership of the military”) have now said that the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy should be abandoned. McCain’s response?

It would be far more appropriate, I say with great respect, to determine whether repealing this law is appropriate and what effects it would have on the readiness and effectiveness of the military before deciding on whether we should repeal the law or not, and fortunately it is an act of Congress and it requires the agreement of Congress in order to repeal it…

Well, I’m happy to say we still have a Congress of the United States that would have to pass a law to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, despite your efforts to repeal it, in many respects, by fiat.

They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightening…

THIS JUST IN: The Queen of Stupid, Sarah Palin spoke at the Tea-Bagging Convention last night. She repeated all oher usual drivel and added this to the Pig with lipstick’s lexicon, “How’s that hope-y, change-y stuff working out for you?”.  Don’t worry however because CNN reports that opinion on Sarah Palin breaks down along party lines, with 7 in 10 Democrats disliking her and 7 in 10 Republicans with a positive view of Palin. She has a net-negative rating among Independents: 42 percent favorable and 47 percent unfavorable. She is unelectable.

BREAKING NEWS: For those wondering, Lynnrockets’ heart is with the Saints but his/her money is on the Colts to cover. GO COLTS!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to today’s song parody.

A Day In The Life song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=di7fKh3Vbj8&feature=related

A DAY IN THE LIFE (OF THE G.O.P.)

(sung to the Beatles song “A Day In The Life”)

I read the news today oh, boy
About a senator who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
Is there a photograph?
John Ensign’s tryst will leave a scar
A “family values” guy who’s values changed
His dirty laundry will be aired
We’ve seen his kind before
In hypocrisy the G.O.P. wins all of the awards

I watched the news today oh, boy
Seems David Vitter spent time with a whore
It was a girl so he’s not gay
But here’s the funny hook
It’s all in her book
He’d love to make her gone

Horned up and out of bed
Larry Craig needed some head
Went to the airport to find a pup
Things looking up, he thought he found some bait
Found a leg to give a pat
Caught a bust in seconds flat
Gave a poor excuse when the news broke
Just another joke in the dirty G.O.P.
Ah, ah,ah, ah, ah, ah ,ah ……….

I read the news today oh, boy
The Sunshine State’s Mark Foley is a queer
These guys spew hate but have no balls
The party’s sure to fall
Hypocritical A-holes heading straight into a wall
They’d love to turn you on