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GOP Rep. Buchanan To Sport The “Other” Type Of Pinstriped Suit?

Former Republican Congressman and present convicted felon, Tom Delay, may soon have a new roommate.

It is being reported by CNN, that Republican Rep. Vern Buchanan may be serving his next term behind bars. The news source has confirmed there are no fewer than four congressional and federal investigations into Buchanan’s business practices, his campaign finances and his alleged attempt to try to stop a witness from talking. They report that “Buchanan’s former business partner says the congressman schemed to launder money from his car dealerships into his campaign coffers, and then tried to get others to cover it up.” The former business partner is Sam Kazran.

CNN reports that at the center of Kazran’s allegations is a cash swap scheme used to finance some of Buchanan’s campaigns. He says employees were forced to write checks, then were reimbursed with cash drawn from Buchanan’s car dealerships. Kazran says,

“It was to a point where I said, ‘Chief, we can’t give you this kind of money. At which point he said, ‘Just run it through the corporation.’  What he said to me was ‘Get people to write a check to the campaign and then pay them back through the corporation.’”

Kazran took his detailed allegations to the Federal Elections Commission (FEC), which was already looking into Buchanan’s campaign finances. The FEC eventually fined Kazran $5,000 in a settlement because he admitted reimbursing employees for campaign contributions. During the FEC probe, Buchanan pushed to settle a lawsuit Kazran had brought against him at the last minute, with a $2.9 million settlement offer from Buchanan. Kazran says Buchanan and his team were trying to force him to lie about Buchanan’s role in the campaign cash scheme in exchange for the nearly $3 million cash settlement. Kazran refused to sign and took the affidavit to federal investigators. Now, CNN has learned that Buchanan is being investigated for attempting to tamper with a witness in a federal investigation.

CNN also reports that in a recent report, released quietly several weeks ago, the Office of Congressional Ethics wrote: “There is substantial reason to believe that Buchanan attempted to influence the testimony of a witness in a proceeding before the FEC in violation” of federal law and House ethics code. Read the OCE’s report on the affidavit (pdf).

Now a full House ethics committee is looking into it. CNN has also learned that the FBI is conducting its own investigation.

In addition, the Office of Congressional Ethics also found “substantial reason to believe” that Buchanan failed to disclose unearned income on his financial disclosure forms from 2007 to 2010. Read the report (pdf).

Republican Rep. Vern Buchanan should call his tailor and instruct him to begin sewing one of those “other” types of pinstriped suits.

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av2e

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

This Just In: “Hammer” To The Slammer

The Washington Post reports that,

“A judge ordered former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to serve three years in prison Monday for his role in a scheme to illegally funnel corporate money to Texas candidates in 2002.

The sentence comes after a jury in November convicted DeLay on charges of money laundering and conspiracy to commit money laundering. DeLay was once one of the most powerful men in U.S. politics, ascending to the No. 2 job in the House of Representatives.

Senior Judge Pat Priest sentenced him to the three-year term on the conspiracy charge. He also sentenced him to five years in prison on the money laundering charge but allowed DeLay to accept 10 years of probation instead of more prison time.”

Another corrupt Republican bites the dust.

It was 2009 when the public last paid any attention to Tom Delay. He was a contestant on ABC‘s “Dancing With The Stars.” At the time he said, “I love dancing … you’ve got to love dancing if you’re from Texas. Conservatives can have fun too. Conservatives can let their hair down… and put on some dancing shoes.”

That is just the type of talk that should make Delay the most popular twinkle-toes in Cell Block D. Think any of his new inmate boyfriends will be interested in seeing how he performs the “Horizontal Bop?” Will they be viewing this video before he checks in to his new home?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Jailhouse Rock song link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj0Rz-uP4Mk

JAILHOUSE BOP

(sung to the Elvis Presley song “Jailhouse Rock”)

He has to stay locked-up they will not grant him bail
The inmates love to watch Tom Delay shake his tail
His hips were pumpin’, he was shakin’ everything
You should have heard those knocked out jailbirds sing
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

Tommy called his lawyer on the telephone
Asked if Judge Pat Priest could just throw him a bone
Told him he was man-meat for the whole biker gang
Lawyer said, “Thank him that you weren’t sent to hang”
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

Should be servin’ seven but he’s servin’ three
He’s the cutest jailbird they ever did see
Bubba is delighted with Tom’s company
“Come on and do the Jaihouse Bop with me!”
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

(money laundering break)

Tom Delay was a sittin’ there upon the throne
Way over in the corner weepin’ all alone
Then Bubba said, “Hey Tommy you got pretty hair”
“Now let me hear you Winnie like a chestnut mare!”
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

Shifty Henry said to Bugs, “For heaven’s sake”
“Is that really his hammer or is it fake?”
Bugsy said to Shifty, “Buddy don’t get sick”
“But hope Tom sticks around awhile performing tricks”
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 61

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: This week Rush Limbaugh the drug-addled right wing radio host went on air and criticized Motor Trend magazine for naming the Chevy Volt as the 2011 Car of the Year. He said, “Motor Trend magazine, that’s the end of them. How in the world do they have any credibility?” Motor Trend then defended its reputation by firing back at Limbaugh. The editor posted this on the magazine’s website:

Assuming you’ve been anywhere near the biggest automotive technological breakthrough since … I don’t know, maybe the self-starter, could you even find your way to the front seat? Or are you happy attacking a car that you’ve never even seen in person?

Last time you ranted about the Volt, you got confused about the “range,” and said on the air that the car could be driven no more than 40 miles at a time, period. At least you stayed away from that issue this time, but you continue to attack it as the car only a tree hugging, Obama-supporting Government Motors customer would want. As radio loudmouths like you would note, none of those potential customers were to be found after November 2.

Back to us for a moment, our credibility, Mr. Limbaugh, comes from actually driving and testing the car, and understanding its advanced technology. It comes from driving and testing virtually every new car sold, and from doing this once a year with all the all-new or significantly improved models all at the same time. We test, make judgments and write about things we understand.
….
If you can stop shilling for your favorite political party long enough to go for a drive, you might really enjoy the Chevy Volt. I’m sure GM would be happy to lend you one for the weekend. Just remember: driving and Oxycontin don’t mix.

Don’t you just love the twist of the knife via the Oxycontin reference?

THIS JUST IN: The would-be next President of the United States who thought that Africa was a country has once again revealed her geographic and political ignorance. Sarah Palin appeared on Fox News host and BFF Glenn Beck‘s radio program this week and said, “But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies. We’re bound to by treaty –” Poor Sarah, she was born with a rotting mukluk in her mouth!

BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of Sarah Palin, this week’s episode of “Completely Missing The Point Of An Amazing Speech” features the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. Seattlepi.com reports that in her newly released book, Palin lashes out at “a defining [John F.] Kennedy speech, the 1960 appearance where the Catholic presidential nominee discussed separation of church and state before the Greater Houston Ministerial Association.” Sarah Palin writes that Kennedy’s speech “essentially declared religion to be such a private matter that it was irrelevant to the kind of country we are,” and she said Kennedy “seemed to run away from his religion.” Here is what John Kennedy actually said:

“I believe in an America where religious intolerance will someday end — where all men and all churches are treated as equal — where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice — where there is no Catholic vote, no anti-Catholic vote, no bloc voting of any kind — and where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and pastoral level, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their work in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood. I do not speak for my church on public matters — and the church does not speak for me.”

Does Sarah Palin have a problem with reading comprehension? You make the call!

THIS JUST IN: Is it just me or does anybody else agree that we really did not need to know that Barbara Bush‘s housekeeper put her (Bush’s) miscarried fetus in a jar and showed it to George W.?

BREAKING NEWS: Did anybody else find it humorous that the conservative right’s newest protest fizzled so miserably? All those national security hawks that heralded George W. Bush’s civil rights infringing Patriot Act are now up in arms at the body scanners and enhanced pat downs at airports. In an attempt to drum up another manufactured outrage ala Fox News’ annual “War on Christmas” the crazy conservatives and their Fox News cheerleaders concocted “National Opt Out Day.” Outraged airline passengers across the nation vowed to opt out of body scanning last Wednesday in favor of time consuming pat-downs in an effort to slow airline travel to a crawl and embarrass the Obama administration into doing away with both procedures. Unfortunately, the conservatives’ memo was not distributed very well because virtually everyone opted out of National Opt Out Day.

THIS JUST IN: Former Republican Speaker of the House Tom Delay was found guilty last Wednesday of money laundering and conspiracy to commit money laundering. He faces up to life in prison. Soon he will be dancing with the boys. ‘Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “I Do Not Have An Answer” features conservative pundit Ann “The Man” Coulter. Coulter of course, is aghast at the body scanners and enhanced pat-downs performed by the TSA at airports. He appeared as a guest on Sean Hannity’s program and debated the subject with conservative Peter Johnson Jr. Coulter promptly got himself in a hissy fit when he was unable to propose a workable alternative to the screenings and pat downs. In fact, he went so far as to ask Hannity to cut Johnson’s mike and then he said he would not appear on-air with him again.


SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Band On The Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7D65IomNYY

M’ANN ON THE RUN

(sung to the Paul McCartney and Wings song “Band On The Run”)

Just a boy with no balls, thinking that he’s clever,
Never havin’ no fun nights again, quite true,
Coulter you, Coulter you.

(musical interlude)

Spreading his politics of fear,
Hating you if you’re Black or gay,
Not a hint of veracity,
Does not know any other way
A transsexual without peer.
A transsexual without peer.

Well the rain exploded with a mighty crash when the Coulters had a son,
And before you know it he was growing his hair but he put it in a bun
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run
Coulter had a plan not to be a man. A sex change would be so fun

For the M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run,

Next he put mascara on his manly eyes, but he lacked a curvy bum
And as he was singing, he let down his hair. He was having so much fun
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run
Coulter had a plan not to be a man. A sex change would be so fun

Yeah the M’Ann on the run, the M’Ann on the run,
Yeah the M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run

Well, Fox News was calling as the right-wing world produced another clown
And the sound he’s making, unbalanced not fair, rumbles through the underground
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run

Always touting “Drudge” and loves to judge
Research reveals this bore

He’s a M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run,

Halloween Tricks And A Few Treats – 57

Just a few spooky and newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful Halloween! Have fun and stay safe!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Endorsing Your Opponent” features California’s Republican gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman. The illegal alien hiring Whitman stars in her Democratic Party opponent, Jerry Brown’s new campaign ad wherein she tells the world how great things were in California 30 years ago…when Brown was the Governor. Vote for Democrat Jerry Brown on Tuesday!

THIS JUST IN: Jury selection began this week in former Republican House Majority Leader Tom DeLay‘s money laundering trial. The Republican was indicted in 2005 on charges he illegally sent $190,000 in corporate money through the Republican National Committee to help elect GOP Texas legislative candidates in 2002. It seems quite appropriate that this jerk’s trial will commence during the Halloween season. Let’s hope a lot of skeletons come out of Delay’s deep, dark closet.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Crazy Republicans and the Crazy Things They Say” features West Virginia’s Teapublican candidate for Governor, John Raese. West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin, the state’s Democratic Senate nominee, launched a campaign ad last Monday calling his opponent’s ideas “crazy” and “bad for West Virginia.” The ad compiles video clips of Republican John Raese making a series of seemingly controversial statements, such as, “I’ve already been defeated three times. That’s a pretty good message from West Virginia I think.” And later, “We don’t need the Department of Education.” and “… We need 1,000 laser systems put in the sky, and we need it right now.” John Raese is crazy. Vote for Democrat Joe Manchin on Tuesday!

THIS JUST IN: Don’t you just love watching Republicans eat their young? The UK Telegraph reported this week that Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove believes that Sarah Palin is unqualified to be President. Rove is quoted as saying, “With all due candour, appearing on your own reality show on the Discovery Channel, I am not certain how that fits in the American calculus of ‘that helps me see you in the Oval Office’,”. He added that the promotional clip for Sarah Palin’s Alaska could be especially detrimental to any political campaign. It features the mother of five in the great outdoors saying: “I would rather be doing this than in some stuffy old political office.” It appears that the former half-term, ex-quitting Governor of Alaska is becoming somewhat of a lightweight in Republican circles.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Sue ‘Em” features Massachusetts Republican candidate for US Congress Bill Hudak. Democratic Party incumbent John Tierney this week released a blistering campaign ad wherein he cites newspapers that have refereed to Hudak as “toxic” and “a poisonous kook”. In retaliation, Hudak has filed a lawsuit in attempt to have the ads pulled from the airwaves. The lawsuit however, has little to no chance of success because Massachusetts courts have long ruled against prior restraints against publication on First Amendment grounds. A Tierney spokesperson said, “Bill Hudak’s action is without merit or legal precedence. It is an attempt to intimidate speech in the context of a political campaign, and we will respond appropriately in court.” UPDATE:  Case closed. The court ruled against Hudak and he dismissed his lawsuit. Vote for Democrat John Tierney on Tuesday! Here is the hilarious ad:

THIS JUST IN: To all of you Alaska voters that are willing to do anything to prevent Teapublican Joe Miller from being elected to the U.S. Senate, pay close attention. Pinch your noses and write L-I-S-A  M-U-R-K-O-W-S-K-I.

BREAKING NEWS: The next time that someone tries to tell you that the Tea Party is not violent and dangerous inform them of this. The Dallas Morning News reports that Teapublican congressional candidate Stephen Broden stunned his says he would not rule out violent overthrow of the government if elections did not produce a change in leadership. In a rambling exchange during a TV interview, Broden said a violent uprising “is not the first option,” but it is “on the table. We have a constitutional remedy, and the Framers say if that don’t work, revolution.” He added, “The option is on the table. I don’t think that we should remove anything from the table as it relates to our liberties and our freedoms.” Vote for Democrat Eddie Bernice Johnson on Tuesday!

THIS JUST IN: At a gathering in Texas last Tuesday, former President George W. Bush said, “I miss being pampered” in reference to his time in the Oval Office. Think about that for a moment. While this nation suffered from the worst terrorist attack in its history on 9/11/01 and while thousands of soldiers died in his war of choice, he enjoyed the pampering.

BREAKING NEWS: The next time that someone tries to tell you that the Tea Party is not violent and dangerous inform them of this. A Tea Party-backed candidate who allegedly murdered two unarmed Iraqis is seeking a seat in the House of Representatives, The Guardian reports. Thirty-nine-year-old Ilario Pantano, who is running for North Carolina’s 7th congressional district as a Republican, was charged with the premeditated murder of two Iraqi civilians in 2005 while serving as a second lieutenant with the US Marines. Sergeant Daniel Coburn, who was 27 at the time and one of the three soldiers at the incident, recalled wondering “when the lieutenant was going to stop, because it was obvious that they were dead.” “I believed that by firing the number of rounds that I did, I was sending a message,” Pantano told the New York magazine. All charges against Pantano, who was facing a possible death sentence, were later dropped due to insufficient evidence. Vote for Democrat Mike McIntyre on Tuesday!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I’m As Crazy As Christine O”Donnell” features Colorado Teapublican Senate candidate Ken Buck. He says that he “disagree[d] strongly with the concept of separation of church and state,” and that “it was not written into the Constitution.” Buck should be reminded that while the Constitution doesn’t contain the exact words “separation of church and state,” legal scholars and the courts agree it does prohibit the establishment or endorsement of religion. Furthermore, in 1801, Thomas Jefferson wrote that “religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God,” and argued the Constitution required “building a wall of separation between Church & State.” Vote for Democrat Michael Bennet on Tuesday!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Michael Steele Takes His Seat At The Back Of The G.O.P. Bus

It now appears that the Republican Party/Michael Steele mixed marriage is officially on the rocks. Just wondering, but was it the Massachusetts Gay Marriage Law that threatened the sanctity of their nuptials? Not this time, according to the parties in question.

High ranking G.O.P. members and donors are upset at Steele because he has once again tarnished the image of the “family values” political party. After it was revealed last week that the Republican National Committee funded some ribald revelry which took place at a lesbian/bondage/strip-club known as Voyeur West Hollywood, the G.O.P. needed a scapegoat to take the blame for their bad behavior. Who better than RNC Chairman Michael Steele?

After all, wasn’t Steele also the guy that responded to a citizen speaking at a town hall meeting about how her mother died as the result of not being able to afford chemotherapy, by telling her that her histrionics were sure to land her a spot on local television that night and that she should enjoy her moment in the spotlight? Wasn’t Steele also the guy that lied by saying that during a debate, he was pelted with Oreo cookies as a symbol that he was “Black on the outside but White on the inside”? All good reasons for disliking Steele mind you, but isn’t the true reason why Republicans dislike him, the fact that they put a Black person in charge of the party to lure more African Americans and not only did that mission fail, but during Steele’s reign the G.O.P. was resoundingly voted out of the White House and out of majority status in both houses of Congress? This lesbian/bondage thing is just the icing on the cake.

Michael Steele however, has also fallen out of love with the Republican Party. He now deems the Party of Lincoln to be racist. Yesterday on ABC’s Good Morning America, he said that he was being singled out by his party because he is black. When asked by the host if he has a slimmer margin of error because he is African American, Steele responded:

The honest answer is, ‘yes’, Barack Obama has a slimmer margin. A lot of folks do. It’s a different role for me to play and others to play and that’s just the reality of it. But you take that as part of the nature of it. My view on politics is much more grassroots oriented, it’s not old boy network oriented, so I tend to, you know, come at it a little bit stronger, a little bit more street-wise, if you will. That’s rubbed some feathers the wrong way.

It looks like the G.O.P./Steele marriage may soon be divorced as the result of some irreconcilable differences.

As for the Democratic Party response to the Republican public airing of the family laundry, White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs said,

I think Michael Steele’s problem isn’t the race card, it’s the credit card.

Let’s face it, any day that you can mention the Republican Party and lesbian/bondage/strip-clubs in the same sentence, is a good day for the Democrats. Ahh, Michael we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsYJyVEUaC4

IT’S OUR REPUBLICAN PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Nobody knows where Mitt Romney has gone
Delay had to resign
McCain was one we can’t stand
The rest just wallow in slime

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Naughty Mark Sanford’s romancin’ tonight
Michele Bachmann’s spewin’ bile
We don’t like Mike Huckabee
He talks just like Gomer Pyle

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

(musical interlude)

Aw, Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
Jindal should open his eyes
He’ll never be our king

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do


Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 11

coffee_or_tea_1

BREAKING NEWS:  Meg Whitman, the former CEO of Ebay and current Republican candidate for governor of California has seldom voted in any elections since 1979. Now there is an involved Republican for you. She appears to be just what California needs.

THIS JUST IN:  Sen. John McCain is co-hosting a fundraiser for his former 2008 Republican primary rival Mitt Romney next Wednesday in Phoenix. Hmm, wonder if he will be doing the same for Sarah Palin some day?

BREAKING NEWS:  Former Hewlett-Packard CEO, Carly Fiorina (R) plans to announce her candidacy for senator of California. CNN reports however, that her website leaves a lot to be desired. “It’s the most singularly awful political website I have ever seen, and I am including all the old, basic HTML websites that were the rage 10 years ago,” conservative blogger John Hawkins of the site RightWingNews.com said in an e-mail to CNN. “Why not toss in G.I. Joe vs. Cobra, Ninjas vs. Pirates, and Kennedy versus Kruschev if it’s going to be a goofy joke? There’s very little information on it to appeal to voters.”

THIS JUST IN:  Lou Dobbs has reported that he is upset that a latin television station will include a storyline in one of its soap operas  that is designed to lessen people’s fear of U.S. census takers. Dobbs said, “Well, fans–if you like that, you’re going to love this. Fans of telenovellas on Spanish-language television could soon be seeing more than they tuned in for as well. The Telemundo network, owned by NBC, will incorporate a story line in a popular soap opera to promote the U.S. Census. That’s right. They’re going to put that into a storyline. It is part of an Obama administration plan to make sure the Latino population is fully counted next year. Ines Ferre with our report.” Is it just me, or does it make perfect sense that the census should be made as accurate as possible. Lou Dobbs is a moron if he believes that we should strive for an inaccurate census.

BREAKING NEWS:  Tom Delay’s effeminate dancing on Dancing With The Stars should ensure that he has a lot of nice new friends when he goes to prison.

THIS JUST IN: The Tea-Bagger laden Red State of Georgia is angry with the federal government once again. This time they are not complaining about excessive taxation or excessive federal bailout funds. No, this time they are complaining that they are not receiving enough federal funds as the result of last week’s flooding. That’s right, the Tea-Bagging State of Georgia now wants a federal handout. Don’t you just love the irony?

BREAKING NEWS:  A new New York Times/CBS News poll conducted September 19-23, 2009 reveals that not only do a majority of Americans favor the government offering a federally funded health care plan like Medicare for everyone, but they favor it overwhelmingly. the poll reveals that such a plan is favored by 65% of the respondents, while it is opposed by a mere 26%. So much for the Republicans and their Tea-Bagger minions that believe that they represent the interests of most Americans.

THIS JUST IN: Florida’s Republican governor, Charlie Crist said on Saturday that He believes that president Barack Obama will be ousted from office in 2012 just as Jimmy Carter was in 1980. It would appear however, that Governor Crist has failed to look at the most recent polls which have Obama’s popularity rating once again in the high 50′s. In fact, they are higher than Crist’s favorables in Florida. Perhaps it is Crist that will next be ousted.

BREAKING NEWS:  Last week, the FBI arrested three men in connection with a terrorist bomb plot in the United States. The men had been under surveillance by both the federal agency and the New York City police. Good police work seems to have cracked the case. Nobody was tortured. By all accounts, the joint investigation and arrests were a success. Will Republicans give the Obama administration credit for foiling the plot and capturing those responsible or will thay still insist that he is weak on terrorism? It is interesting to note that to this date since Obama’s election, there have been no terrorist attacks on U.S. soil and several plots have been subdued by arrest. By this date in George W. Bush’s tenure, the largest terrorist attack in the history of the United States had taken place and claimed over 3000 lives. Hmmm.

THIS JUST IN: Today’s burning question is, just who is it that we can hear chanting, “We’re number 4 !, We’re number 4 !”? Who else, it is former quitting ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin’s very own BFF and all around handler, Meg Stapleton. Yes folks, she is trying to find some positive spin on the recently released conservative Christian voters’ Value Summit straw poll in which she finished in fourth place behind Mike Huckabee (Hound), Mitt(wit) Romney and Tim (Good’n) Pawlenty.

In response to a recent request here is a Sarah Palin parody of Doris Day’s wonderful, Que Sera Sera

Here is a link to click upon in order to familiarize yourself with the tune: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc

HEY SARAH, SARAH

(sung to the Doris Day song “Que Sera Sera”)

When she was just a little girl
She asked Ted Stevens, “What will I be?”
“Will I be Guv’nor?” “Will I be Prez?”
Here’s what he said to she.

Hey, Sarah, Sarah
Don’t be so silly, silly
Stop annoying me, dear me
Hey Sarah, Sarah
What will be, will be

When she was Gov she met McCain
She asked the Maverick, what lies ahead?
“How is your cancer?” “How old are you?”
I’ll be Prez when you’re dead.

Hey, Sarah, Sarah
Let’s not jump the gun, the gun
You know that we’ve not yet won
Hey, Sarah, Sarah
You’re no fun, no fun

Her campaign went down to defeat
Now she’s the G.O.P.’s biggest doormat
Well behind Romney, behind Gingrich
She shills for “Arctic Cat”

Hey, Sarah , Sarah
You’re so damned creepy, creepy
Your career’s finished, you see
Hey, Sarah, Sarah
It’s your destiny

Tom Delay Is The Dancin’ Fool

delay_jailhouse_rock

Now admit it, you knew that Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would not fail to comment on former Republican House Majority Leader, Tom Delay’s performance on television’s Dancing With The Stars. As we have said so many times in the past, sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up. Nevertheless, this embarresingly ridiculous excuse for a dance was more than we could ever have prayed for. Tom Delay has somehow managed to make more of a joke of himself with this appearance than he did upon his 2005 indictment for conspiracy to violate campaign finance laws.

As you will recall, a Texas grand jury indicted DeLay on criminal charges that he had conspired to violate campaign finance laws during that period. DeLay denied the charges and pled not guilty, saying they were politically motivated and the law he was indicted under did not apply until later, but Republican Conference rules forced him to resign temporarily from his position as Majority Leader. Thereafter, In January 2006, under pressure from fellow Republicans, DeLay announced that he would not seek to return to the position. In the months before and after this decision, two of his former aides were convicted in the Jack Abramoff scandal. DeLay ran for re-election in 2006, and won the Republican primary election (this is not surprising in that it is difficult to find a non-criminal politician in Texas) in March 2006, but, citing the possibility of losing the general election, he announced in April 2006 that he would withdraw from the race and resign his seat in Congress. His case has not yet been brought to trial.

Delay’s appearance (despite its comedic value), did not help Dancing With The Stars which had its worst ratings since the show’s first episode. Indeed, the Washington Post reports,

DeLay’s relationship with “Dancing” dates back to that edition — he sent an e-mail blast around America back then, urging people to vote for one of (Jerry) Springer’s dance rivals, country crooner Sara Evans, because she and her GOP-fundraiser husband represented “good American values” while liberal talk-show host Springer represented the “smut” that viewers needed to tell Hollywood, in no uncertain terms, “has no place on television.”

Unfortunately however, Delay’s ability to judge “good American values” was called into question when Evans abruptly quit the show after disclosing that she was seeking a divorce as the result of the fact that her husband committed adultery, was verbally and emotionally abusive, drank excessively and frequently watched pornography in their home. Her husband, Craig Schelske, not surprisingly ran for Congress as a Republican from Oregon’s 5th District in 2002.

But we digress, let’s get back to delay and his dancing. Please do yourselves a favor and watch the video clip below before moving on to the very funny song parody. Notice Delay’s outfit, bum wiggle and otherwise truly effeminate and creepy performance.

Another fun fact from the program was when judge, Bruno Tonioli remarked to DeLay, “You’re crazier than Sarah Palin!” It just does not get any better than this for a political satire blog. the gods must be pleased.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to the song parody.

Dancin’ Fool song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp31g990Sno

DANCIN’ FOOL

(sung to the song “Dancin’ Fool”)

Underneath he wears something lacey
I just hope he don’t start to drool
The G.O.P. now thinks that he’s crazy
Tom Delay’s their dancin’ fool

Some might think he’s light in the loafers
But that Tom Delay thinks he’s cool
Gotta love his faux diamond choker
Tom Delay’s  a dancin’ fool

He’ll show us some moves, we’ll be laughin’
The Congress this guy once did rule

(now you’re talkin’)

Can’t tell which way Delay is battin’
Just take a quick glance at
His brown velour pants an’
Presto !
Tom’s a dancin’ fool

(musical break)

He must have lost a dare, man
Dig Tom’s slicked back hair man
He’s no Fred Astaire, man
Fool!

Tom’s no more a man’s man
What’s inside those pants, man?

Presto!
Tom’s a dancin’ fool
Alright,
Tom’s a dancin’ fool, yeah!

Republican Party Games

banana_repubs_010306

Did you ever wonder what it must feel like to admit that you are a Republican these days? How it must feel to say that you are not only in the same party but also subscribe to the same political policies as some of the craziest wingnuts ever to group together under one banner? Can you imagine trying to say with a straight face that you voted for any of the criminal Banana Republicans shown above or the philandering perverted Republicans such as:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off believe that it would make you want to cry. That my friends, leads us right into today’s song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRbsz1Ha7Zo

IT’S OUR REPUBLICAN PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Nobody knows where Mitt Romney has gone
Delay had to resign
McCain was one we can’t stand
The rest just wallow in slime

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Naughty Mark Sanford’s romancin’ tonight
Michele Bachmann’s spewin’ bile
We don’t like Mike Huckabee
Cheney will soon be on trial

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

(musical interlude)

Aw, Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
Jindal should open his eyes
He’ll never be our king

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to

Tell Me Why I Don’t Like Mondays (and Sarah Palin also, too)

Tom Delay's dancing attire.

Tom Delay's dancing attire.

BREAKING NEWS: Former Republican House Majority Leader, Tom Delay will participate in next season’s version of television’s Dancing With The Stars. OK, I know that there is a funny one liner in there somewhere, but I cannot think of it just now.

THIS JUST IN: Tom Ridge,  the Former Secretary of Homeland Security under President George W. Bush, has finally admitted that Bush administration officials attempted to raise the terror alert level to “orange” (the second highest level) just prior to the 2004 election, for no reason other than political gain. And this is supposed to be “new” news?

BREAKING NEWS: Ted Nugent has just been fired as a columnist for the Waco (Texas) Tribune-Herald. Yes, that Ted Nugent. You know, the ex-rock musician who became a crazy reich-wing conservative radio host and quite surprisingly, newspaper columnist. Just wondering, but will his pre-existing condition of Cat Scratch Fever prevent him from obtaining a replacement health insurance policy?

THIS JUST IN: Speculation is that Glenn Beck is not on a planned vacation this week, but is in fact on a forced suspension by Fox News. The rumor is that Fox is trying to provide a cooling off period without Beck’s incendiary remarks in an attempt to slow down Beck’s massive advertiser exodus. We say, “Bring him back, ASAP”.

BREAKING NEWS: Quarterback Brett Favre, recently signed by the Minnesota Vikings has opted to legally change his name to “Minny Me.”

THIS JUST IN: CNN reports that conservatives use the social networking tool known as the Twitter far more frequently than liberals. This is not surprising inasmuch as the 140 character limit is quite appealing to both conservatives and Republicans who tend to have very limited vocabularies. (see full story here).

BREAKING NEWS: The gossip tabloid, The Globe magazine is reporting that as the result of marriage problems, Sarah Palin may have suffered a nervous breakdown and checked into a “shaky clinic. ” Nuff said.

THIS JUST IN: After her embarrassing appearance on The Daily Show this week, Betsy McCaughey (Sarah Palin’s inspiration for the “death panels” remark) has resigned (been forced out?) of her position as director of Cantel Medical Corp. (see the humorous Daily Show clip, Part 1 here and Part 2 here).

Today’s song parody involves Sherrie Johnston (Bristol Palin’s almost mother-in-law) and her pain killer distribution conviction. Please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Day Tripper song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuCrcrz6U8M

PAIN TRIPPER

(sung to The Beatles song “Day Tripper”)

No real good reason
For taking the easy way out
Last winter season
Sherrie J. was out and about, now
She was a pain tripper
Could not lick it, yeah
It turned her big smile to a pout
Without a doubt

The cops did tease her
They lured her out of her lair
They then did please her
They said that her price was fair, now
She was a pain tripper
Jail house ticket, yeah
It took her so long to find out
And she found out

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Levi sees her
When he’s not out in clubland
Tries to free her
Hiding a file in his hand, now
She was a pain tripper
Three to fiver, yeah
It turned her big smile to a pout
And she found out

Pain tripper
Pain tripper, yeah
Pain tripper
Pain tripper, yeah
Pain tripper

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