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A Saturday Night Palin Byte

Just some old Anti-Palin television theme song parody fun for this late January evening. This is actually one of the first parodies that I wrote. I composed it a long time before starting this blog. In those days I was simply posting the songs on comment sections of newspapers and blogs, the most notable of which was The Mudflats. Please enjoy this little bit of Lynnrockets nostalgia while we await the Queen of Quit to utter some new foolish tid-bit for us to parody.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Mary Tyler Moore Show theme link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Mary_Tyler_Moore_Show_-_CD_Version.html

THE MARY TYLER PALIN  SHOW

(sung to the theme of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”)

Who’s the pitbull with lipstick on her smile?
Who can take an election campaign, and suddenly make it all
seem futile?
Well its you Sarah, and you did show it
With each incoherent sentence, you sure did blow it

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it
What’s that sucking sound coming from your spaced head?
You’re gonna fake it after all

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it
What’s that sucking sound coming from your spaced head?
You’re gonna fake it after all

(bad-parenting break)

You want Alaska to secede
You have lots of firearms and girl you know that’s all you need
All the Tea-Baggers adore you
That Thorazine stare will do wonders for you

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it
What’s that sucking sound coming from your spaced head?
You’re gonna fake it after all

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it
What’s that sucking sound coming from your spaced head?
You’re gonna fake it after all

Stupidity abounds, you can almost taste it all

You went and faked it after all

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Boston Station Calls Out Palin Camp Lies And Spanks NYT For Failure To Report

WGBH is a non-commercial television and radio broadcast service located in Boston, Massachusetts. WGBH is a member station of the Public Broadcasting Service, and produces more than two-thirds of PBS’s national primetime programming. Programs produced for PBS include Masterpiece, NOVA, Frontline, American Experience, The Victory Garden and This Old House. WGBH is also well-known for having co-produced numerous period dramas and has collaborated for years with British production companies.

The television station also airs a program broadcast locally in Boston known as “Beat The Press.” It’s website describes the program as follows:

Beat the Press takes a sharp look at how the media, new and old, covers and analyzes the big issues of the week. Created in 1998 by award winning television news producer and host Emily Rooney, Beat the Press is a lively and sometimes sassy look at both the business of media and its journalistic purpose. A four time winner of the National Press Club’s prestigious Arthur Rowse Award for Press Criticism, BTP has become one of the most popular programs on local public television, bringing viewers behind the scenes and into the process of news gathering from television, radio and newspapers, to the vast world of new media including websites, blogs, twitters and more.”

On Monday, January 10th the program’s website featured an article which criticized The New York Times for failing to call out a Sarah Palin spokeswoman on what has all the appearances of a flat-out lie. The article follows below, but please do yourselves a favor and check out the wonderful website with accompanying videos, here.

Times Lets Palin Aide Lie About Gunsight Map

The New York Times today fails to call a Sarah Palin spokeswoman on what has all the appearances of a flat-out lie.

In a story on the political fallout of the weekend carnage in Tucson that claimed the lives of six people and left U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords gravely injured, Times reporters Jeff Zeleny and Jim Rutenberg tell us that Palin adviser Rebecca Mansour denied that those were gunsights on Palin’s infamous map identifying House Democrats she had targeted for defeat. Zeleny and Rutenberg write of Mansour’s appearance on a conservative radio talk show:

Ms. Mansour said that the cross hairs, in fact, were not meant to be an allusion to guns, and agreed with her interviewer’s reference to them as “surveyors symbols.” Aides to Ms. Palin did not respond to interview requests on Sunday.

Yet we already knew otherwise on Sunday, as a Talking Points Memo reader dug up a tweet purportedly written by Palin herself referring to the map symbols in explicitly gun-oriented terms. Palin or her designated tweeter wrote:

Remember months ago “bullseye” icon used 2 target the 20 Obamacare-lovin’ incumbent seats? We won 18 of 20 (90% success rate;T’aint bad)

And let’s not forget that those symbols turned red whenever one of the targeted Democrats went down — just like surveyors symbols, eh?

Few people are blaming Palin for the actions of Jared Lee Loughner, who has been charged with the Saturday shootings. Loughner appears to have been motivated by mental illness rather than politics. Still, Palin’s map was mind-blowingly irresponsible, as Giffords herself said some months ago. This should mark the end of Palin’s public career as anything other than a sideshow freak, much as Ann Coulter all but disappeared after she mocked 9/11 widows. Are the media really going to let Palin and her minions get away with this?

Traditional journalism is incredibly uncomfortable when given proof that someone is flat-out lying. But that’s no excuse for the Times’ ignoring the fact that there was already proof Mansour was lying — or, at best, was incredibly uninformed about her boss’ intentions.

Isn’t it refreshing to see at least one unit of the mainstream media take-on another when it sees that the full story is not being reported? Keep up the good work WGBH and “Beat the Press”!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody which is inspired by the Palin camp’s penchant for lying.

Fins song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCyuYPwI_1o

Note: a fib is a lie

FIBS

(sung to the Jimmy Buffett song “Fins”)

She came down from Mat-Su Valley
She signed some books while on her plane
Hoping to incite a riot
Sarah Palin sure loves her fame

The Mama Grizzly is in motion
And all she does is snarl and bark
This re-al-it-y TV star
Lies through morning, noon and dark

Can’t you feel ‘em circlin’, Sarah
As you move from town to town?
You tell fibs to the left, fibs to the right
You’re a scheming, lying clown
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
You tell fibs to the left, fibs to the right
And soon you’ll be going down

She’s saving up all of her money
Wants to head down south in May
Maybe hold out her hand to her Tea-Bagging fans
Way down Arizona way

TV money was good this season
Now it’s time to go “reload”
Endless supply of big whopping lies
“Death Panels” paved her road with gold

Can’t you feel ‘em circlin’, Sarah
As you move from town to town?
You tell fibs to the left, fibs to the right
You’re a scheming, lying clown

(Fox News break)

Intellect that’s meager
Sarah Palin is just a dolt
She’s been on a learning diet
And that’s a Lynnrockets’ quote

She has a box just like Pandora
She spews evil cross the land
Just behind the reek from here big white teeth
She forms lies universally panned

Can’t you feel ‘em circlin’, Sarah
As you move from town to town?
She tells fibs to the left, fibs to the right
She’s a scheming, lying clown
She tells fibs to the left, fibs to the right
And Sarah Palin’s going down

Remember When Elizabeth Edwards Publicly Blasted Ann Coulter?

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Edwards family in their time of loss. Elizabeth Edwards exhibited bravery, wisdom, thoughtfulness and even levity in the face of this most insidious of diseases. Elizabeth Edwards, you may also recall, is one of the very few persons who has ever confronted right-wing pundit Ann Coulter and publicly administered an intellectual and emotional smackdown. Back in 2007, Coulter attempted to slander then Democratic Presidential candidate John Edwards by calling him a “faggot”. In a speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), Coulter said,

“Oh, and I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards. But it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word “faggot,” so I’m — so I’m kind of at an impasse, can’t really talk about Edwards. So I think I’ll just conclude here and take your questions.”

Shortly thereafter, Coulter appeared as a guest before a live audience on Chris Mathews’ “Hardball” on MSNBC. Coulter realized very quickly however, that she was not in the comfy confines of a Fox News studio when Elizabeth Edwards called into the show. Edwards confronted Coulter on the subject of Coulter’s penchant for underhanded personal attacks. She referenced not only the homophobic epithet levied against her husband, but also Coulter’s hurtful reference to her deceased teen-aged son in another attack against her husband. The fidgeting Coulter is visibly uncomfortable as she nervously plays with her hair and glances all around. She is then humiliated when the live audience erupts with cheers when Edwards concludes her remarks. Score: Edwards 1, Coulter 0. Let’s watch as Elizabeth Edwards is at her best.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Lola song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJiHp-2CmVY

COULTER

(sung to the Kinks song “Lola”)

I saw her once last week on the Fox network
Where the hosts are lame and the guests are worse like Ann Coulter
She is a revolter
A big Adam’s Apple and masculine hands
She has the curves of a flagpole and a set of big huge molars
M-o-l-a molars mo-mo-mo-mo molars

Well I’m not the world’s most perceptive bloke
But she is a lady that I wouldn’t dare poke
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walks like a woman but looks like a man
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Well she sat right next to Hannity
And then was on Bill O’Reilly
They saw mascara on her eyes so blue
But I swear those guys didn’t have a damn clue
Well I don’t know if they are into men
But the next night on Fox she was on there again that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

I changed the station
M-S-N-B-C
Re-luct-ant-ly
I then turned back to Fox
Then I was convinced she was a he

Well I don’t know what ol Rush Limbaugh thinks
But I like women when they don’t have dinks like Ann Coulter’s
Co-co-co-co Coulter’s
She says that her wisdom sells her books
It’s gotta be somethin’ cuz it ain’t her good looks that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter

I took a closer look at Hannity
Now I’m not really so sure that he’s not a she
But this might be the Republican way
A sex change is good cuz then you’re not gay

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I’m never gonna take it right up the can
From no Mann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Sarah Palin Is Not Tina’s Fey(vorite) Person

America as a nation owes a substantial debt of gratitude to Tina Fey. This wonderful woman did more to reveal the ridiculousness of Sarah Palin during the 2008 Presidential election campaign than did any single member of the “lamestream” media. OK, Charles Gibson and Katie Couric also did their part. Nevertheless, it was Tina Fey who made it all so humorously memorable. Who will ever forget when she gave a spot-on Palin impersonation and said, “I can see Alaska from my house” or “Katie, I’d like to use one of my lifelines, I’d like to phone a friend”?

How about when she simply parroted the near exact words of Sarah Palin giving an answer during the Katie Couric interview on the subject of the bank bailout which Palin was in favor of before she was against it? If you do not remember that, do not worry. Here it is the original and the Tina Fey version for your viewing pleasure. (For the second video you will be prompted to click on the YouTube link.)

Thanks for the memories, Tina.

Well, lucky for us, Tina Fey is not quite done ribbing Palin. Fey was awarded the 2010 Mark Twain Prize for Humor a few weeks ago and she went at Sarah Palin yet again. Upon accepting the award, she said the following:

I would be a liar and an idiot if I didn’t thank Sarah Palin for helping get me here tonight. My partial resemblance and her crazy voice are the two luckiest things that ever happened to me. And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women – except, of course –those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape ‘kit ‘n’ stuff,” Fey said. “But for everybody else, it’s a win-win. Unless you’re a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years – whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know – actually, I take it back. The whole thing’s a disaster.

You just have to love Tina Fey. Brava!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0

RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)

(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about geography
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I love my shoes
And I really love my beehive ‘do
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

Yes, I do practice “politics of hate”
And I love to equivocate
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim that I can see Russia
From my living room bay
And I do not star on “Thirty Rock”, baby
That’s the talented Tina Fey

Don’t know much about interviews
Don’t know many Supreme Court views
Can’t name any books that I’ve read
Sure glad Bristol and Levi aren’t wed

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

And I do know you’ll love Sarah P.
We’ll be a nation of Scientology
What a right wing world this will be

New Reality TV Show: “Kate Plus Hate”

Palin and Gosselin

CNN reports, “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” saw a major drop in ratings after its first episode aired, but we’re guessing this Sunday’s show may spark a bit more interest. A guest appearance by Kate Gosselin and her eight children can’t hurt, right?

The December 5 episode of Palin’s TLC reality show features the two famous families as they embark on an Alaskan camping trip and UsMagazine.com has a first look at the promo for the upcoming episode.

“She’s going to rely on me to protect her,” Palin says of Kate, who shares that she has “never camped for real.” The look of horror on Kate’s face as she watches the former governor shoot a rifle gives her away.

“Our ruggedness is really a mystery to people in the lower 48,” Palin adds with a smile.

Lynnrockets believes the two erstwhile campers could improve ratings by merging their shows. Could it be called “Kate Plus Hate”?

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boww2CMtOo4

HIT ‘EM WITH YOUR BEST SHOT

(sung to the Pat Benatar song “Hit me With Your Best Shot”)

Well she’s a real tough cookie in the mean G.O.P.
A bitch without a heart; that is Sarah P.
She hates Dems and she’s gonna prove it
Just like the Duke, she’s gonna come out shootin’

Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Let’s start to shoot Dems with our best shot!
Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Fire away!

A slimy, lying moron, losing her hair
She plays the game but she don’t play fair
Blamed her loss on John McCain
But she flushed him right down the drain

Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Let’s start to shoot Dems with our best shot!
Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Fire away!

(musical interlude)

A political rookie with a poor history
She can see Russia from her balcony
Palin just took another gun from her rifle case
She’s gonna shoot a Democrat in the face

Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Let’s start to shoot Dems with our best shot!
Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Fire away!

Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Let’s start to shoot Dems with our best shot!
Hit ‘em with your best shot!
Fire away!

Palin Laments, “Say It Ain’t So, Joe”!

"Damn You, Joe Scarborough!"

Who says that nobody listens to Sarah Palin? For months now the cliché-loving, former ex-quitting, half-term Governor of Alaska has been whining about anonymous sources who have chastised her in the “lamestream media”. She has challenged them to “man-up” and put their names to their denunciations. She has implored her unknown assailants to strip themselves of their veils of secrecy and face her “mano-a-mano”. Well Sarah, as the Good Book says, “ask and you shall receive”. Remember however, to “be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it”. Yesterday, MSNBC‘s Joe Scarborough accepted your challenge and “told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth”.

The television talk show host and former conservative Republican congressman from Florida publicly aired his thoughts about Sarah Palin. It was not pretty. In a blistering rebuke of the potential 2012 GOP candidate for President of the United States, Joe Scarborough left nothing on the table. In an interview with Politico.com he said,

“What man or mouse with a fully functioning human brain and a résumé as thin as Palin’s would flirt with a presidential run? It makes the political biography of Barack Obama look more like Winston Churchill’s.”

Scarborough then addressed Palin’s recent characterization of former President George H.W. Bush and former First Lady Barbara Bush as out-of-touch “blue bloods”. He said,

“Perhaps her anger was understandable. After all, these disconnected “blue bloods” had nothing in their backgrounds that could ever make them understand “real America” like a former governor from Alaska who quit in the middle of her first term and then got rich. I suppose Palin’s harsh dismissal of this great man is more understandable after one reads her biography and realizes that, like Bush, she accomplished a great deal in her early 20s. Who wouldn’t agree that finishing third in the Miss Alaska beauty contest is every bit as treacherous as risking your life in military combat?”

Scarborough also described Sarah Palin’s potential quest for the Presidency as a “dopey dream”.

How will Palin react? The Vegas bookmakers have it at even odds that her first retort will be via either Facebook or Twitter. Perhaps she will dust-off her old one-liner from her disastrous 2008 Vice Presidential Debate wherein she so cleverly said to Biden, “Say it ain’t so, Joe”!

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Scarborough Fair” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEhAXQ5QQzs

SCARBOROUGH’S FAIR

(sung to the Simon and Garfunkel song “Scarborough Fair”)

Now we’re talkin’, Joe Scarborough’s fair.
He was sage and thoughtful this time.
Of Sarah P., he laid the facts bare.
Electing her should be deemed a crime.

Scarborough dragged Palin right through the dirt.
(She is shallow and shrill bordering on obscene)
Sarah’s rage will explode this time.
(World –view is narrow, ignorance unbound)
She twits and tweets like a dumb jerk.
(Empress sans clothes just sneerin’ and poutin’)
Joe Scarborough nailed her this time.
(Sarah Palin will give him a call)

Joe says that Palin’s a mouse, not a man.
(A thin résumé, a failed beauty queen)
On the stage, she thinks she’s just fine.
(Watch her wave to all of her peers)
Truth be told, her script’s on her hands.
(Palin dreams and prays she’s “The Next One”)
Joe Scarborough thinks she is slime.

Her Twitter tweets are a fickle bellwether.
(Her anger blazing like rabid wild stallions)
Facebook rage will come in due time.
(Sarah will order her soldiers to kill)
But the seething mol can’t keep it together.
(Few will fight for a cause long forgotten)
Joe Scarborough beat her this time.

Now we’re talkin’, Joe Scarborough’s fair.
He was sage and thoughtful this time.
Of Sarah P., he laid the facts bare.
Electing her should be deemed a crime.

Things We Learned About The Clampetts, Err Palins From DWTS

Bristol Palin is the Missing Link

Ding dong the witch is dead. We knew it could not go on forever. We knew that at some point Bristol Palin would be dumped from “Dancing With The Stars”. Just the same, we will miss the contestant that was a star only as the result of her status as being a former unwed pregnant teen. Bristol’s presence on the show gave the nation another point of contact with America’s most notorious reality television-based family. And we learned a number of things during her tenure such as…

  1. Sarah Palin is likely to get booed whenever she appears before an audience that has not been hand-picked and stocked full of Tea-Baggers;
  2. Bristol enjoyed publicly embarrassing “Mama Bear” by choosing songs that were thinly veiled insults at Sarah’s parenting skills (or lack thereof) and her unwed teen pregnancy (i.e. “Mama Told Me Not To Come” and “You Can’t Hurry Love”);
  3. Palinbots will game the system and support the Palin family in whatever endeavor they choose to pursue regardless of talent or taste;
  4. Bristol embraced the Palin-denied “Theory of Evolution” when she donned her anthropomorphic gorilla costume;
  5. Sarah Palin’s sex-obsession regarding her children has no limits, as was evidenced by her concern that Bristol might perform a stripper’s “lap dance” on national television;
  6. Bristol does not vote;
  7. Bristol believed that if she won the contest, “it would be like giving the big middle finger to the people that hate her mother” and her;
  8. Sarah thought that husband Todd would have been a better contestant on the show because ballroom dancing is apparently within his “comfort zone” but not Bristol’s; and
  9. Sarah was correct. Bristol cannot dance.

Bristol, we hardly knew ye. But fear not loyal Lynnrockets readers, we still have one Palin related reality show in progress and one more in the production stages. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” is presently airing on TLC and consequently we will get a weekly dose of her invading the privacy of her neighbors (author/antagonist Joe McGinniss), lying about reading and researching and generally misinforming most Americans about the state of Alaska. Additionally, we can look forward to the insane antics of Levi Johnston as he runs for mayor of Wasilla before our very own television-peeping eyes. Perhaps Sarah will instruct Todd and his buddies to drill another spy hole through her fence so that she can keep track of her once and future son-in-law. Speaking of Track, how long will it be before the prodigal son gets his own reality show?

Stay tuned. Same Rocket channel! Same Rocket time!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Should have been gone by Round 5?
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen

Truth Be Told: It’s Not Sarah Palin’s Alaska – (Updated)

The Learning Channel (now known as TLC because there’s not much learnin’ goin’ on there) chose a dubious title for its newest and lamest reality show. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” might give viewers the impression that the former ex-quitting half-term Governor is popular in her home state. Such is not the case. In fact, Sarah Palin is probably more unpopular than most any other Alaskan of note, with the possible exception of Teapublican Senate candidate Joe Miller.

Consider this. Back in 2008 when John McCain foolishly chose her as his running mate, Palin was marketed as the most popular governor in the nation. The G.O.P. claimed that her popularity was credited to the fact that she was an “outsider” who had toppled Alaska’s “establishment” politicians. In essence, the Republicans branded Palin as a fresh face with no negative personal history and an unbreakable commitment to conservative policy and practice. Such a characterization would have been appealing to most Republicans … if only it was true.

When the national spotlight fell upon Sarah Palin’s beauty-pageant-tested visage, it revealed a plethora of unsightly blemishes that were previously hidden even from most Alaskans. Palin was running around the country telling voters that she was against federal earmarks such as the now infamous “Bridge to Nowhere”. She boasted that she told the feds “thanks, but no thanks” for its funding. Media scrutiny however, revealed that in fact, she “was for it before she was against it”. Next, Alaskans and the nation learned that the “abstinence only” advocating Palin had an unwed pregnant teen-aged daughter. Soon thereafter, a video surfaced of the “born again” Palin having demons cast from her body. This was followed by the media revealing that she inquired as to how books could be banned from a public library and how she and her husband attempted to have a state trooper (who happened to be her estranged former brother-in-law) fired as retribution for a family squabble. The media then discovered that husband Todd was (and Sarah Palin may have been) a member of a political party who’s stated purpose is to have Alaska secede from the United States of America. Very strange and unsavory stuff.

As each campaign day passed, more and more was revealed about the previously unknown Palin and it was not pretty. We learned that it took her six years at five sub-par colleges to earn a mere bachelors degree. We questioned the authenticity of that degree when we witnessed her inarticulate answers to questions on nationally televised interviews and at the Vice Presidential Debate. We learned that the educationally challenged candidate mothered two children that were school drop-outs. It got worse by the day and thankfully (for Palin and the nation), November 4th came along and she and McCain were crushed at the polls by Barack Obama and “Do you mind if I call you Joe” Biden.

The nation was saved, but the same could not be said of Alaska. The dejected and now bitterly scornful Palin limped back to her home state to complete her term as governor. Or did she? Many Alaskans were upset that they too learned a lot about Sarah Palin that they did not like. As they looked deeper into her governorship, they learned of things like the fact that she collected per-diem pay for living and working at home and seldom darkened the door of the state capital. She took her children, at taxpayer expense, on many unnecessary trips. One by one the ethics complaints filed against Sarah Palin began to pile up. The bloom had come off the Palin rose and Sarah knew it. So what did Palin do? Did she suck it up, change her ways and continue to govern as best she could? Not quite. Instead, she abruptly quit the position in July of 2009 after only having served half of one term.

Perhaps Sarah Palin did not get the memo, but most voters consider it an insult to up and quit the position that they recently voted you into. Her approval rating in Alaska plummeted. For the first time, when Palin made public appearances in Alaska, demonstrators began to show up with derogatory signs. Heck, even her next door neighbor contacted the author that was writing a scathing book about Palin and offered her house to him so that he would have close proximity to his subject. Ouch!

Somehow things are still getting worse. This campaign season Sarah Palin elected to buck both the national and Alaskan Republican Party by endorsing a Tea Party candidate for Lisa Murkowski’s Alaskan U.S. Senate seat. Surprisingly, Palin’s candidate (Joe Miller) defeated Palin’s enemy Murkowski in the Republican primary. Murkowski however, tore a page from the Palin handbook and decided to “Reload, Not Retreat”. She launched a write-in candidacy and turned fiercely against both Miller and Palin. The moderate Republicans, Independents and even some Democrats responded favorably. The one thing that these disparate voters had in common was a unified opposition to Palin and Miller. Consequently, on November 2, 2010 they turned out en masse and may have elected the first write-in candidate to the U.S. Senate since 1954. No small feat.

Tasting imminent electoral victory, Murkowski went on the offensive against Palin on Monday when she told CBS that Palin is not worldly enough for the nation’s highest office. More specifically she said,

“I just do not think that she has those leadership qualities, that intellectual curiosity that allows for building good and great policies. You know, she was my governor for two years. And I don’t think that she enjoyed governing.”

To add insult to Palin’s injury, Murkowski signaled that if elected, she will repay moderates, Independants and even those Democrats that voted for her by not voting strictly with her party. She said,

“I will tell you, I am not one of those who wants Obama to fail. If he does well, that means the country’s doing well. We don’t have time as a nation to spend all of what we do blocking. We have got to figure out how we get to a point where we can be sitting around the table and talking about these difficult problems and advancing some solutions.”

Take that, Sarah Palin! Even a Republican Senator from your home state disavows your unpopular political positions. No. it clearly is not “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”!

UPDATE

Sometimes we can’t make this stuff up. Watch Gretchen Carlson of Fox News describe Sarah Palin as “self defecating” rather than “self deprecating”. Bwa ha ha ha ha ! Does that mean that Palin craps all over herself?


Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still “go with the flow”?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has-been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Christine O’Donnell Is Not A Foxy Lady

What could have been.

This may be the end of the line. Sad but true. This may be the final Lynnrockets post about Christine O’Donnell. The “Witchy Woman” was, without doubt, the most hilarious Teapublican crackpot to burst on the scene since Sarah Palin. Indeed, she out-Palined Sarah Palin. Her non-masturbatory brand of satan-worshiping, evolution-denying witchcraft easily trumped Palin’s copyright protected re-loaded, death-panel inspired Mama-Grizzlies. Heck, Christine O’Donnell was Sarah Palin on steroids.

Unfortunately (only for the laughs, mind you), Christine O’Donnell lost her bid for a Delaware Senate seat. She was crushed by Democrat Chris Coons and with her defeat, we were denied our daily dose of O’Donnell insanity. To lose our amusement so abruptly was as painful as a heroin addict’s anguish from going cold turkey. Oh, the humanity!

Suddenly however, there was a glimmer of hope. The rumor mill was churning and there was word that Fox News might come to the rescue. Christine O’Donnell might be given a spot on “Fox and Friends” or a regular guest host position on Glenn Beck’s comedy show or Bill O’Reilly’s tabloid news program. It all made sense. O’Donnell had previously announced that she had Sean Hannity “in her pocket”. She is clearly as dumb or dumber than the other Fox talking heads. Best of all, Sarah Palin was already on-board with Fox. it would have been a true “Mother Grizzly and Child Reunion” (Hey, there might be song parody in that one).

Alas, our hopes have been dashed. Fox News has reported that it “has no plans to hire her.” To paraphrase President Richard Nixon, “We won’t have Christine O’Donnell to kick around anymore”. Christine O’Donnell, we hardly knew ye.

Excuse me. What’s that? Hold on loyal readers, some new information is coming in through my tinfoil hat…

BREAKING NEWS: The rumors of Christine O’Donnell’s premature demise might have been exaggerated. The non-self-flagellating O’Donnell appeared on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on Wednesday and said she’s fielding plenty of job offers. She said they range from “Anything from a book deal to a reality show.” She went on to explain, “I am not necessarily interested in a reality show…I would like to do something like a watchdog-type show.”

Oh, happy day! It looks like we may have the opportunity to have a lot more fun at Christine O’Donnell’s expense after all.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down Palin and Romney too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking the brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Maher is now the snitch
Who threw the breaking pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!

Ready For “Sarah Palin’s Staged Alaska”?

It's all "Guns 'n Buns" on "Sarah Palin's Alaska"

Sarah Palin, “The Queen of Quit” will make her reality television debut tomorrow when Sarah Palin’s Alaska hits the airwaves. The Boston Globe tells us what we can expect to see. Here are some excerpts from the newspaper’s review:

Sarah Palin is climbing a glorious mountain in the premiere of TLC’s “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.’’ Terrified of heights, “freaking-out scared,’’ she yells to her guide and her husband, Todd, “This may flippin’ take me all day.’’ But she persists, bravely climbing upward, refusing to succumb to fear. “I didn’t want to quit,’’ she says later. “I didn’t want to quit in front of other people.’’ The long scene is about perseverance, a statement about climbing ev’ry mountain. But is the scene also an indirect response to accusations that Palin is a “quitter’’ for having left her Alaska governor’s post 18 months early?

Her series, which premieres Sunday night at 9, is one of the most naked examples of image-crafting I’ve seen in a while. With the conventions of reality TV at her service, the former vice presidential candidate delivers a portrait of herself, her family, and her home state that’s relentless in its messages of wholesomeness and in its justifications of her past.

But every scene, no matter where it’s filmed, inevitably seems to become some kind of Palin political dispatch. She takes full advantage of a bear sighting — staged, no doubt — to recall her Mama Grizzlies platform for “common-sense conservative women,’’ as she put it in a video last summer. Watching a brown bear, she talks about how the mama bear is “protecting her cubs and saying, you know, no one’s gonna mess with my cubs, no one’s gonna mess with the future of the species.’’ Of course, this is not an interview or press conference, and no one is there to ask her how mama bears feel about putting their cubs on reality TV.

Another of the show’s many little set pieces allows Palin to remind us of a parent’s ultimate helplessness when it comes to controlling her daughter’s sex life. A male friend, Andy, is visiting teen daughter Willow. At the bottom of the stairs in the living room, a baby gate keeps toddler Trig from climbing and falling. “It’s not just for Trig,’’ Palin says, when Willow goes upstairs. “It’s for, ‘No boys go upstairs.’ ’’ Eventually, Andy jumps the gate and heads upstairs to join Willow anyway — and something out of “Modern Family’’ becomes a kind of explanation of how daughter Bristol might have evaded her mom’s gaze and gotten pregnant as an unwed teen.

We tend to think of noncompetition reality TV as a place where semi-famous people can make fools of themselves for money and fame. But it’s also a chance for someone like Palin to construct a sophisticated PR film using documentary effects — kind of like an infomercial. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska’’ promises the entertainment value of spying on the notorious Palin family in their natural habitat, but then it also forwards a series of policy stances and image reparations.

There you have it. The Boston Globe, at least, believes that Sarah Palin’s show is more a politically motivated infomercial than a travelogue revealing the beauty and wonder of the great state of Alaska. Was there ever really any doubt?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

El Paso song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SgLrFHs0Jk

WASILLA

(sung to the Marty Robbins song “El Paso”)

Up in the Alaskan town of Wasilla
They had a guv’nor that would make you hurl
She and her husband would ride snow-machina’s
But nobody ever saw her in Juneau

She was a blight and nobody was meaner,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell
Palin was all for politics of hatin’
And her beehive was slathered in hair gel

One night old Johnny McCain came in,
Reeking and stinking of gin
Cursing and swearing,
His dentures were baring
Searching for the queen of
Snowbound Wasilla

We remember he

Searched out this stranger cuz his hopes were fadin’
He did not know that she dressed like a whore
She got a new wardrobe thanks to the RNC
But prep for debating proved too much a chore

All McCain could do was stand there in silence
Knowing his election hopes were all done
Many thoughts raced through John’s mind as he stood there
And each of them involved his using a gun

She could not name the leader of Iran,
Evolution she denied
This sure was no fun,
Her brain was a wood one
Poor Johnny Mac’s
Election hopes had died

Could he send her back

Up to the Alaskan town of Wasilla
Bury her up to her neck in the snow
Sarah Palin proved to be something worthless
The “First Dude” and his wife jokes of the left
She could not name anything she was readin’
Of intelligence, Palin was bereft

Nobody liked her except “Plumber Joe”
And that guy’s brain was in “park”
Her head was hollow
Her rhetoric slimy
This Palin was worse than a
Poisonous dart

They suffered defeat

And poor Sarah was shipped back to Wasilla
But Palin disliked the Governor show
She felt Alaska was pulling her backwards
And she developed a hatred of snow

No longer enamored by northern cowboys
And denied most of her per diem dough
Shouting and shooting, “I can’t let them catch me!”
She quit her job and just “went with the flow”

Something went dreadfully wrong for that heel
Yet she kept on winking her eyes
She kept on lying
And waging her battle
Politics of fear
Yet office denied

But her love for

Tea-Baggers was strong and when they came a callin’
She wrote a fictional book to digest
The grammar was poor and the tone was spiteful
But off to Walmart they went on a quest

She signed the books and collected her bounty
Seldom in her motorcoach did she ride
She flew in a jet till bloggers did spy her
And they exposed just one more of – her lies.